Original subtitles

Good news. We've got a very special delivery today.

-Who's it for? -Me.

Another job well done.

No. I need it shipped to my office at Mars University.

It's an experiment that may win me the Nobel Prize.

-What field? -I don't care. The pay's the same.

-Is it dangerous? -Oh, my, no.

[GRUNTING FROM INSIDE OF BOX]

[THUDS]

Off we go!

Mars University

Impressive. In the 20th century. . .

. . .we had no idea Mars had a university.

In those days, Mars was just a dreary, uninhabitable wasteland.

Much like Utah. But unlike Utah, it was eventually made livable. . .

. . .when the university was founded in 2636.

They planted traditional college foliage: ivy, trees, hemp.

Soon the planet was terraformed.

-Is it safe to breathe the air? -Of course.

Over here is Wong Library.

It has the largest collection of literature in the western universe.

There's a chapter of my old robot fraternity. . .

. . .Epsilon Rho Rho.

You went to college?

Of course. I went to bending college. Majored in Bending.

-What was your minor? -Robo-American Studies.

Are you the moose-head fumigator?

No. Actually, I'm an Epsilon from way back.

-Close enough. Come on in. -Thanks! Here's your finger back.

The coolest robots are in this fraternity.

Mate in 1 43 moves.

Oh, pooh! You win again!

Uh-oh! Nerds!

I'm Gearshift, chapter president.

This is Oily, and this here is Fat-Bot.

You're losers. My name's Bender.

Bender from Bending State? Wow! You're a legend around here!

One night you drank a keg, streaked across campus. . .

. . .and crammed 58 humans into a phone booth.

Yeah, well, a lot of them were children. Anyway, I should get going.

Wait, we're the lamest frat on campus. Even Hillel has better parties.

Stay and teach us how to be cool.

Okay, but I'll need ten kegs of beer, a continuous "Louie, Louie" tape. . .

. . .and a regulation two-story panty-raid ladder.

Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!

I tell you, being here really takes me back to my college days.

Step right up! Who wants to learn physics?

Keep your hands inside the car at all times.

Good old Coney lsland College. Go Whitefish!

Don't take this the wrong way, but you don't seem educated.

Oh yeah?

Read it and weep. I'm a certified college dropout.

Everyone knows 20th-century colleges were really expensive daycare centers.

True. By current academic standards, you're a mere high-school dropout.

What?! That's not fair.

I deserve the same respect other college dropouts get.

By God, I'll enroll at Mars University and drop out all over again!

-You won't last two weeks. -Thanks for believing in me.

Classmate! What you taking?

I don't know. What are you teaching?

Same thing I teach every semester: math of quantum neutrino fields.

I made it up so no student would dare take it.

Math of wonton burrito meals. I'll be there!

Please, I don't know how to teach. I'm a professor.

See you in class!

Oh!

[GIGGLING]

This is gonna be great.

BENDER: Bingo! -Oh, mama!

Oh, yeah. Someone's been a bad computer.

BENDER: Get a load of that!

I say! You've damaged our servants' quarters. And our servants!

This time, Robot House has gone too far!

Cheese it!

Pretty nice for a single. Two desks, two chairs, a couple of beds.

[KNOCKING]

-A woodpecker? -Probably your roommate.

Oh, right. Cool.

Come on in, roomie!

-What the--? -I call top bunk!

[THE MONKEY HUMS]

My roommate's a monkey?

Brilliant deduction! You're a credit to your species.

-I see you've met Guenter. -You know each other?

He's my experiment, the top-secret contents of this stinking crate.

I'd rather live in a crate than share a room with this dork.

-What makes him talk? -Is he genetically engineered?

Oh, please, that's preposterous science-fiction mumbo-jumbo.

Guenter's intelligence lies in his electronium hat.

It harnesses sunspot power to produce cognitive radiation.

You're wasting your breath. He didn't understand a word.

I understood the word "hat. "

Stop! I arranged that you'd be roommates for a reason:

I'll only have to remember one phone number. Shake hands. Make up.

You want a banana?

I don't eat bananas. I prefer banana- flavored energy bars made from tofu.

I don't like you.

This is gonna be a cakewalk.

Welcome to 20th century history.

Look to your left, then to your right, then in nine other directions.

One of the 1 2 of you won't pass this class.

Boring. Let's hear about Walter Mondale already.

Be forewarned:

The only way to get an A in my class is to have lived in the 20th century.

Swish!

[ELECTRICITY BUZZES]

You were saying, Mr. Fry?

I'm from the 20th century. Ask me anything.

What device invented in the 20th century. . .

. . .allowed people to view broadcast programs in their own homes?

I know this.

What do you call it? Lite Brite!

I believe the answer is "television. "

Very good, Mr. Guenter.

Wow. Smart and cute.

What I love about being dean. . .

. . .is the peace and quiet and the respect I receive.

[PHONE RINGS]

What's this about?

RECEPTIONIST: The Robot House students are here.

Robot House.

-Hey, dean, nice-looking model. -You keep away from it!

You robots are a disgrace to this university.

Whenever a fire alarm is pulled, it's Robot House.

When the campus liquor store's looted, Robot House.

-When a human corpse is desecrated-- -I can explain that.

That's enough out of you!

From this day forth, Robot House is on dodecatupple-secret probation!

-No fair! -My mom is gonna kill me!

I have to get back to the one thing. . .

. . .that's kept me sane these past eight years: my model ship.

Fat-Bot! No!

When I get nervous, I get hungry.

Cheese it!

DEAN: Robot House!

Chrissy, we seem to be hitting it off.

If you're free, might I escort you to a kegger?

Not even if you were the last man on Mars.

Hey! You like bananas?

I got her number! How do you like them bananas?

Therefore, by process of elimination. . .

. . .the electron must taste like grapeade.

-Sorry. I overslept. -Until 5 p.m.?

That monkey kept me up all night with his constant thinking.

Thinking and thinking, trying to make me look idiotic.

Don't be jealous.

Without his hat, he might be no more intelligent than you.

-I hate that rodent! -He's my most important experiment.

If you don't stop fighting, I'll have you both neutered.

That'll show him.

I'd like you to meet my parents, Leo and lnes.

I'm so glad we could admit Amy. . .

. . .in exchange for your generous contribution.

-How much more for Phi Beta Kappa? -How much you got?

Sorry I'm late. I was off at a study session with Chrissy.

I'm glad you made it, because in honor of Parents' Weekend. . .

. . .I have a special surprise for you.

Mom! Dad! What are you doing here?

This is so humiliating!

Now these monkeys I like!

What's that? You want to come out?

No! Stop!

I say.

-What's that they're flinging at us? -Dear Lord! All over the dean!

Why don't join your parents on the chandelier? I'll take a picture!

Oh!

The party's winding down.

Let's take a road trip to Tijuana and get Fat-Bot some action!

It's my first time. I'm really nervous.

Robot House!

You were cruel. It may sound like an after-school special. . .

. . .but we learned who the real animal was today.

Peer pressure?

Look out! He's got a gun!

Leave me alone.

What's going on? I thought you don't like bananas.

Of course I do. I try so hard to fit in. . .

. . .but seeing my parents act like that. . .

. . .made me realize I'm just a primitive beast.

Not everyone turns out like their parents.

Look at me. My folks were honest, hardworking people.

Besides, you're not like other monkeys. You've got the hat.

So what? I mean, sure, it looks cool, and it makes me smart.

But it doesn't make me happy.

That's so sad. I didn't even know monkeys could cry.

They can't. It's all the hat!

If you're so miserable, maybe you should go back to the jungle.

The jungle.

I couldn't do that to the professor. I'm his prize experiment.

He's like a father.

He's not your father. That guy in the punch bowl was your father.

Look at him. I'm so proud.

FRY: Thanks, professor. -Not you.

[SHOCKS FRY]

[JUNGLE MUSIC PLAYS]

Oh, I always feared he might run off like this.

Why? Why?

Why didn't I break his legs?

Oh, poor Guenter.

So he just ran away in the middle of the exam?

I'm afraid so.

All he handed in was a paper smeared with feces. He tied with Fry.

I told him to go back to the jungle.

You what? After I spent months slaving over a hot monkey brain?

You tried to force Guenter to be a human, but he's an animal.

He belongs in the wild, or the circus on a tiny tricycle.

Now that's entertainment.

But Guenter's better off being intelligent. Tell him, Leela.

I'm staying out of this. Now here's my opinion.

What we should do is. . . .

-What? -We'll go to the jungle. . .

. . .and let Guenter decide.

What?

You all know the rules. The winning house becomes Greek Council head.

Should that house currently be on any type of multiple secret probation. . .

. . .it'll be lifted.

And I'll be forced to serve as Grand Marshal of a parade honoring them.

I say, Robot House.

Your watercraft's as ill-designed as you yourselves.

Good one, Chet.

Oh, yeah? Watch this!

Well, I never!

Fraternities, on your marks.

Hey!

The jungles on Mars look like the jungles on earth.

Jungles on earth?

I see some movement. I think it's him.

Stand back!

-Oops. -Don't worry.

They'll be fine once the tranquilizer wears off.

There's our man.

Professor, offer Guenter the hat. Fry, offer him the banana.

He'll choose if he wants to be intelligent or a mindless animal.

-Guenter, take the hat. -No, the banana! The banana!

The philosophical and metaphysical ramifications--

Banana! Banana!

What's that sound?

[MUSIC PLAYS]

-You sure this is a shortcut? -Not as sure as I was an hour ago.

[SCREAMING]

[SCREAMING]

And the winner is. . .

. . .Robot House?!

Thank God this log is sturdy.

Put on the hat! You're the only one who can save us!

Stupid monkey.

-Not there! -Keep trying!

Eureka! The hat goes on the head! It's all so obvious now!

Help us, Guenter!

My goodness! Hang on! I need to do some calculations!

Got it!

Grab on!

-We're saved! -Appreciate it, Guenter!

Oh, no! Hurry, Guenter! Climb up the vine! You can still save yourself.

Why bother? I've got nothing to live for.

I was miserable as a genius.

As a monkey, I was so dumb I tried to wear a hat on my butt.

There's just no place for me in this world.

Although, on the other hand. . . .

[SCREAMS]

Oh, that poor, sweet monkey.

Let's go gather him up. No sense letting him go to waste.

-Guenter, you're alive! -I guess the hat broke my fall.

It's working at half capacity. But I can fix it.

No, wait! I like it like this! I actually feel sort of. . .

. . .happy.

But what about your super-intelligence?

With that, there was too much pressure.

I want to be a moderately intelligent monkey who wears a suit.

So I'm transferring to business school!

No!

Come on, everyone! Keg party in Robot House!

["SHOUT" PLAYS]

FRY DROPPED OUT SUCCESSFULLY AND

RETURNED TO HIS DEAD-END DELIVERY JOB

GUENTER GOT HIS MBA AND BECAME PRESIDENT OF THE FOX NETWORK

FAT-BOT CAUGHT A COMPUTER VIRUS IN TIJUANA AND HAD TO BE REBOOTED

LEELA WENT ON ONE DATE WITH DEAN VERNON, BUT HE NEVER CALLED AGAIN

HIS JOB DONE, BENDER STOLE EVERYTHING OF VALUE

FROM ROBOT HOUSE AND RAN OFF

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