Original subtitles

Are you ready, kids?

KIDS: Aye, aye, Captain!

I can't hear you.

[ louder]: Aye, aye, Captain!

♪ Oh... ♪

♪ Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants!♪

♪ Absorbent and yellow and porous is he. ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants!♪

♪ If nautical nonsense be something you wish... ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants!♪

♪ Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish. ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants!♪

♪ Ready? SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

[ laughs heartily]

[ plays airy tune]

Captioning sponsored by MTV NETWORKS

[ banging on door]

Mr. Krabs, some guy in a suit wants to come in before we open.

What? Guy in a suit?

No! It's a tax collector!

Hide us, SpongeBob!

KRABS [ muffled]: Now we'll walk nonchalantly to the rear exit.

He's got a card.

"R.A. PennyPincher Vending Supplies."

KRABS: What?!

My machine has arrived?!

Ooh, let him in, let him in, let him in!

Bring it in, boys.

That's it, set her down easy.

Here are the keys, Mr. Krabs.

Happy vending!

What is it?

Only the greatest moneymaker

since the Krabby Patty.

Gentlemen, meet "Skill Crane"!

[ dazed]: Ooh... Skill Crane.

At a quarter a pop,

this thing will pay for itself in no time.

Which reminds me-- step up, boys.

First one's free.

Thanks, Mr. Krabs.

No, thanks, I'll pass.

Come on, Squidward, you know you want to.

[ sighing]: Okay.

If you insist.

Thanks.

Squidward!

In the machine!

All right, all right.

[ in bored monotone]: Oh, boy, what fun.

SKILL CRANE: You lose!

Did you see that, SpongeBob?!

I almost got that on my first try!

My work here is done.

They don't call me

"Squidward Manual- Dexterity-Tentacles" for nothing.

[ soft crackling]

Well, why don't I give it a try?

[ laughing]

Good luck. You'll never...

SKILL CRANE: Winner!

[ siren whoops]

It's a bear!

I'm going to call you Barry.

Hmm-- beginner's luck.

Now it's the master's turn.

[ crane whirring]

[ buzzer sounds]

SKILL CRANE: Loser!

Wow, Squidward, you flipped him over!

That takes an awful amount of skill.

Well, thank you for saying so.

Barry says he's getting lonely.

Don't worry, Barry,

I'll get you a friend.

Ha! If you think

you're going to win again...

SKILL CRANE: Winner!

[ siren whoops]

There you go, Barry!

Oh, I loosened that one up for you.

You would have never won that without myskill.

Wow, thanks for your help, Squidward.

Hmm.

I bet I win at this thing the very next time I try.

Now, all I've got to do is...

At a quarter a pop,

this thing pays for itself in no time.

Ha! I'm not falling for that malarkey.

[ quarters falling into machine]

[ bell dinging, siren whooping]

Hey, Squidward.

[ quarters falling into machine; Squidward groans]

Hey, Squidward.

[ quarters falling into machine; Squidward groans]

[ bell dinging]

Hey, Squidward.

[ SpongeBob laughing]

SPONGEBOB: Okay, Mrs. Wiggles--

order up!

Barry cooked this one all by himself!

Oh, he makes me so proud.

[ eerie, creaky voice]: Squid-ward?

[ hook squeaking softly]

[ eerie, creaky voice]: Squid-ward?

Oh, what the...?

All right, let's get this over with.

Need change?

There you are.

Gee, thanks.

No, no, Mr. Squidward.

Thank you.

[ crane whirring]

SKILL CRANE: You lose!

Need some more change?

[ buzzer droning]

[ beeping]

[ buzzer droning]

[ mechanical voice laughing]

[ change jingling]

[ buzzer droning]

SKILL CRANE: You lose!

Need some change?

No.

W-Why?

[ softly]: Because I'm all out of...

money!

All out of...

Hmm.

Boys, it's payday!

[ gasps]

But Mr. Krabs, today is Monday.

Uh... no, it's payday, me boy.

Here's your check, SpongeBob.

♪ Money, money, money, money, money! ♪

I took the liberty

of turning your paycheck into quarters

just in case you want to, oh, I don't know,

do laundry or buy a soda

or... something.[ change jingling]

Very funny, Mr. Krabs!

If I can't win

one of those stupid things with thisquarter,

I'm walking away.

Pardon me, Squidward, SpongeBear Junior here

wants me to win him a little brother.

SKILL CRANE: You are a winner!

Huh?

Two in one quarter?

That's not fair.

What's that, Clown Frown?

[ horn tootling]

Oh, you'd rather sit next to Lovely Lion?

[ crane whirring]

There you are, nice and cozy.

See you later, Squidward.

[ Squidward sighs]

A little mind-numbing television

ought to help me forget about that stupid machine.

[ mechanical laughter, buzzer from crane droning]

[ screams]

You've had a rough day, Squiddy,

but that doesn't mean tomorrow won't be better.

[ mechanical laughter, buzzer from crane droning]

Oh... phooey!

[ whimpers]

[ teeth chattering]

Oh!

[ crane whirring]

[ buzzer drones]

I got to win that crane!

[ yelps]

Just once!

Please, oh, please, let me win one time.

Squid, I think you have a problem.

No, he doesn't!

You don't listen to him, Squidward,

you keep playing until you win!

What's this?

The deed to my house.

Okey-dokey, then.

Carry on.

[ sobbing]

If I could just win once, I'd never play again!

[ sobbing]

Hey-- you want me to tell you the secret

of how to win on this machine?

SpongeBob-- there's a secret?

Mm-hmm.

Tell me... the... secret.

Are you ready to be a winner?

Yes! Yeah?

Yes? Yeah!

Yeah! Yes?

SpongeBob, the secret!

Okay, Squidward, okay!

I face the crane, deposit my quarter...

then I close my eyes.

Close your eyes?

Quiet, Squidward-- I'm being the crane.

Oh, that's ludi...

SKILL CRANE: Winner!

See? Now you try.

This is ridiculous.

If I close my eyes, how will I know where...

Do you want to win or not?

Yes! Yes, I do!

Okay.

Squidward, put your quarter in.

But this is my last quarter.

In the machine, Squidward.

Okay, okay!

Close your eyes.

Now be the crane.

Be the crane.

SPONGEBOB: Be the crane.

Be the crane.

SKILL CRANE: Winner!

[ bell dings]

[ whooping]

Yeah!

I knew I could do it!

[ laughing]

I'm a winner!

You're a winner!

I am a winner, aren't I?

Winner, winner, winner!

Winner...!

I'm a winner, everybody!

You hear that?!

[ cricket chirping]

[ door crashes open]

I'm... a winner.

Funny, last time I checked, you were a cashier.

Yuck it up all you want, Mr. Krabs, but just remember:

You're yucking in the presence of a winner!

Ha!

I'll try to remember that.

3,498 of Squidward's quarters, 3,499 of Squidward's quarters...

Triple-decker on deck.

Make way for the winner!

SKILL CRANE: You lose!

[ sighs]

[ softly]: You didn't win the prize?

No.

You know what that means?

No. What?

It means...

you have no skills and you're a loser!

Ha!

[ cackling]

I'm a winner, see my prize.

You're a loser who sits and cries.

[ cackling]

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!

Did you see how I handled that crane?

I sure did.

I think I have the magic touch.

Uh-huh.

I just closed my eyes

and became the crane.

[ bored]: Oh, yeah, you're the man.

SpongeBob, look.

Uh, Squidward, I don't think the same principles apply.

Be the crane.

Wait, Squidward!

Be the crane.

He did it!

Yay, Squidward!

Be the crane, be the crane.

Be the crane...

You know this guy?

Yeah, that's Squidward.

He's got the magic touch.

Ding!

Ta-dah!

[ screams]

Squidward, open your eyes!

Oh, uh... be the crane, be the crane.

Look out, SpongeBob, I can't stop!

Be the crane, be the crane!

Okay, don't be the crane, don't be the crane!

[ Squidward screaming]

[ all screaming]

[ crashing]

What the...?!

Oh, my, oh, my.

Time to go, Teddy.

Just where do you think you're going, crane master?

You ain't going anywhere.

[ whistling; crane chugging]

SPONGEBOB: Hang on, buddy!

I got you!

I guess I can only pick up toys.

[ workers growling]

Uh-oh.

[ snoring and wheezing]

[ snoring and humming]

[ snoring and muttering]

[ foghorn blowing]

SpongeBob.

Good morning, Squidward!

SpongeBob, what are you doing in my house?

I came to make sure you don't oversleep and miss work.

Oh, gee, SpongeBob,

that's very thoughtful of you.

My pleasure, Squidward.

That's what good neighbors are for.

You did overlook one teensy, little detail, however.

What's that, Squidward?

It's Sunday!

A good neighbor doesn't bother me on Sunday!

Sunday!

No wonder Squidward's grumpy.

He forgot his Sunday papers.

This will show Squidward I'm a good neighbor.

I'll bring it to him.

[ grunting]

Man, this is heavy!

Oh! Pardon me.

Hey, watch where you're going!

[ screams]

A newspaper monster!

[ screams]: Aah, monster!

[ screaming]

Will you two nincompoops kindly quiet down?!

I am not going to let them ruin the rest of my Sunday.

[ humming]

My Sunday relaxation kit.

Let's see, pillow, placed just so for slight foot elevation...

flower to brighten the room...

flower fragrance...

[ sighs]

And the final touch...

[ touch tones beeping]

Yes, I'd like to order the Sunday special.

Yes, the pedicure- and-foot-massage house call,

that is correct.

See you at 4:00, my good man.

This is going to be a heavenly day.

Oh, I almost forgot.

Bon-bon.

Hello there, heaven's little wonder.

Take me on a chocolate vacation.

[ Patrick and SpongeBob whoop like sirens]

Om... Om...

Om...

Om...

BOTH: By the all-seeing eye,

ye are worthy, we are not.

What are you two idiots doing?

Secret ritual.

To inaugurate you as president.

Me? President of Bikini Bottom?

I knew the people would come to their senses.

No, silly--

not the president of Bikini Bottom.

Even better.

Better?

You're the president

of the Secret Royal Order of the Good Neighbor Lodge.

The what?

Is this some stupid club you two made up?

Oh! Oh!

[ both giggle]

Maybe.

[ both giggle]

It's a secret.

[ both laugh]

Fine!

As my first presidential decree, uh...

why don't you, uh,

go out and paint all the leaves on the trees

to make the neighborhood look nicer.

Now, out, out, out, out, out.

That'll keep 'em busy for a few Sundays.

What color should we paint the leaves?

Aah! Polka dots.

Now, don't bother me anymore.

BOTH: Wow, polka dots!

Our new president is a genius.

Yeah.

[ both laugh]

BOTH: See you later, Squidward.

Whenever you're ready, Patrick.

Hold still, buddy.

Okay, Pat, give me a quick shake.

Okey-dokey.

Okay, I'm ready!

Hey, that worked perfectly.

Come on, good neighbor Patrick.

Let's paint the town polka-dot.

[ clock chiming]

Oh, no, it's already noon.

I will be darned if I let those morons

eat up any more of my valuable Sunday.

SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK: ♪ Good neighbors are we. ♪

♪ La-la-la-la-la. ♪

What's going on out there?

Hi, President Squidward.

Almost done painting...

[ screams] My eyes!

[ screaming]

Look out!

[ shrieks]

[ brakes screech]

Oh, your poor man.

You must be very sick.

Let us take you to the hospital.

No, really, I'm fine, please.

No. I'm fine.

[ tires screech]

BOTH: See you later, neighbor.

It isa lovely day

for a ride in the country.

Yeah. Our president sure knows how to live.

I would like to call this meeting

of the Good Neighbor Lodge to order.

Let's begin with roll call.

Patrick.

[ snoring]

Okay.

Squidward?

Squidward?

Squidward, you home?

Did you find him, SpongeBob?

Nope. I guess he's still on his Sunday drive.

Or maybe he's on a secret mission.

I hope he's not in danger.

Danger?!

As members of the Good Neighbor Lodge,

we are sworn to protect our presidentefrom danger.

Excuse me.

Somebody ordered a relaxing pedicure and foot massage:

the Sunday special.

We better check this guy out,

make sure he's safe for Squidward.

At least I still have my Sunday pedicure to look forward to.

[ SpongeBob and Patrick giggling]

What are you two doing in my house?

We're checking to make sure

this guy really is a certified foot masseur

and not some kind of assassin.

Well, I say he checks out a-okay.

Squidward, have you ever seen more lovely French tips?

French tips, huh?

All right, pal, make with a relaxing foot massage, pronto!

Uh-oh. Uh, sorry, your hour's up.

All right, you two, out!

Don't even think about dragging your empty skulls around here

for the rest of the day

or tomorrow or next week!

Does that include...

Yes, it does!

Gee, Patrick, do you think

Squidward was trying to tell us something?

Yes, I was!

Youcall yourselves good neighbors?

You're the worst neighbors ever!

You don't deserve to wear those fezzes!

Gee, Pat, maybe President Squidward's right.

Yeah.

I guess we aren't good neighbors after all.

No, you aren't!

You're horrible neighbors!

[ hyperventilates]

And stop calling me president!

Come on, let's go.

There are only three hours of my Sunday left.

They took it all away.

I didn't even get to read the Sunday paper.

[ snarling]

Good neighbors, my right...

Hello.

[ reading aloud]:

[ snickering maliciously]

[ laughing maniacally]

COMPUTER: System activated.

Well, that ought to do it.

Let's see those imbeciles try to get in here now.

President Squidward?[ yelps]

What the...!

We hereby present you with this delicious cake.

SQUIDWARD [ reading]:

Security system, help!

Intruder alert, intruder alert.

What's the matter with you?

Oh, you infernal contraption.

I'll ship you off to the scrap heap!

[ shrieks]

[ zapping]

What's going on?

[ laughs]

It's like a carnival ride.

Run for your lives!

[ Squidward shouts]

What the...

What are you doing?!

Huh?

I only have half an hour of me-time left

and the idiots took my house.

Which means those boobs aren't around to bug me.

Ooh, just what I've been waiting for.

[ laughing hysterically]

Iam going to relax, if it kills me.

Ah!

[ crowd screaming]

Fire!

Whoa, Squidward's house is destroying the neighborhood.

We got to turn this thing off.

Nope, not it.

[ toilet flushes] Nope.

Nope.

That's not it, either.

This Sunday relaxation really hits the spot.

Hmm, where to look?

Hmm, this "off" button seems suspicious.

We did it, Patrick!

President Squidward...

No, no. Don't say anything more.

This was all my fault.

I was the one who wanted to relax on Sunday.

Now, if you'll be so kind as to leave,

so I can get ready for work tomorrow.

Mr. President...

Shush.

But we just wanted to...

Get out of my house!

Huh?

There he is!

Are you the owner of this house?

Yes! Yes, I am!

Then on behalf

of the citizens of Bikini Bottom,

I present you with this summons

to pay for the destruction of our town.

You'll be doing community service every Sunday

for the rest of your life.

Huh?

Squidward, you got one of those, too?

This will be great--

the three of us cleaning up Bikini Bottom.

Well, see you next Sunday, President Squidward.

Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org