Original subtitles

Are you ready, kids?

Kids: Aye, aye, Captain!

I can't hear you.

Aye, aye, Captain!

♪ Oh...

♪ Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ Absorbent and yellow and porous is he. ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ If nautical nonsense be something you wish... ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish. ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ Ready? SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants!

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants!

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants!

Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

and NICKELODEON

Oh, a dark and stormy night.

It's nights like this that remind me of the time

Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob thought they killed the health inspector.

It was a bright and sunny morning...

Ah...

That smells like...

The health inspector!

Wash your hands, clean the floors

change your underwear!

The health inspector's here!

If he finds one health violation

he'll close us down for good.

We've got to do everything in our power

to make sure he passes The Krusty Krab.

But, Mr. Krabs, there's no reason to worry.

The Krusty Krab is the most perfect place in the universe.

You really haven't got any brains at all, have you, son?

Just go out there and give him what he needs.

Pour on the charm.

Sweet-talk him.

What can I get for you... Handsome?

We're doomed!

I'm going to need you to bring me

one of everything on the menu.

Excellent choice, my darling.

Coming right up!

He wants one of everything!

Then we'll give him a smorgasbord!

The future of The Krusty Krab is at stake.

Try the Crunchy Kelp Dogs, sir.

The Buttered Barnacles are heaven.

The Powdered Driftwood is exquisite.

Sludge Pudding?

More Diet Red Tide?

Fried Flotsam?

Please, gentlemen!

Leave me to finish my work in peace.

And did the voluptuous inspector enjoy his meal?

So far so good.

I just need to try a plain Krabby Patty

and my inspection will be finished.

He says if he gets one more Krabby Patty

he'll pass us for the inspection!

Do you know what this means, dear boy?

We're in the clear!

We interrupt this cancan

for a special news bulletin.

Be on the lookout for a man

who's been passing himself off as a health inspector

in order to obtain free food.

That's all for now.

Free... food..!

Maybe we ought to tell our guy about the phony impostor.

You loony loofah! He isthe impostor!

We've been duped!

Duped!

Bamboozled!

Smeckledorfed!

That's not even a word

and I agree with ya!

Look at him...

I bet he never changes his underpants.

I bet he bites whale bubbles.

I bet his mom bought him that hat.

If that impostor wants a Krabby Patty...

Then, by Neptune, we'll give him one!

You're dancing with the Krab man now!

Join me, boy, or you're fired.

It doesn't seem right...

but it feels so good!

Sea horse radish, the gnarliest stuff in the ocean!

Oh, hold on! I've got a jar of toenail clippings in my office.

Oops, I dropped it in the toilet.

Well, fish it out and I'll dry it with me gym socks!

Why, that's the most diabolical Krabby Patty ever spawned.

I call it... The Nasty Patty.

Hey, hurry up with that patty!

Here you are sir, enjoy.

Ah! Hello, delicious!

Come to papa.

Listen! He ate it!

Look at him choke!

Look at him suffer!

Did you see that boy?

Oh, man, the look on his face!

We interrupt your laughter at other people's expense

to bring you this news flash!

The fake inspector has been captured.

Here is his picture.

If a health inspector comes to your restaurant

and he's not this guy... he's real.

Phew! That's a relief, eh, Mr. Krabs?

I'm sure our guy will understand

if we just explain the situation.

Then we can all have a good laugh about it.

I don't think he'll be laughing, boy.

Why, sir?

Because that patty killed him!

Mr. Krabs, what are we gonna do?

What's this "we" stuff?

You fed him the tainted patty!

Looks like it's the stony lonesome for you.

But you told me to give it to him!

Well, you could have talked me out of it!

You're right, Mr. Krabs... I'm guilty!

I'll never survive in prison.

They'll mop up the floor with me!

Get a hold of yerself, boy!

We got to get rid of this body

before anyone sees it.

We got to take it out and bury it.

Eww, gross, germs.

It's all icky and corpse-y!

Eww... eww...

This should be far enough.

Now, get diggin'!

Yes, sir.

What's the holdup down there?

There's a big rock in the way!

Well, toss it out and get back to diggin'!

Aye, aye, sir!

Oh... where am I?

Somethin' ain't quite right.

What do you mean, Mr. Krabs?

His head's sticking out!

Sorry, Mr. Krabs, I thought he might need some air.

They don't need air where he's goin'.

Shouldn't we say a few words on his behalf?

Uh... he was a credit to health inspectors everywhere, and, uh...

What a brave man, going in the line of duty like that.

Why... why... why..?!

Listen here, ya little barnacle.

No one, and I mean no one can ever know about this.

It'll be the end of you, it'll be the end of me.

And worst of all, it'll be the end of me!

Stop right where you are!

I'm afraid we're gonna have to arrest the two of you.

Mr. Krabs! I'm too young to go to jail!

And what would be the charges?

For not being at The Krusty Krab

to whip us up a couple of dee... licious Krabby Patties.

Laugh, boy.

Put that muddy shovel in the trunk

and we'll give you a ride back.

SpongeBob, listen carefully.

We're just getting a lift back to the Krusty Krab.

I need you to stay calm and don't lose your cool, understand?

Can I lose my cool now?

Why?

Aah!

Put him in the trunk, boy!

I'll keep them cops busy.

What's the holdup back there?

Oh, Neptune!

Get away!

Ooh... ahh-ahh...

A-hem...

Okay! All set back here.

Nothing unusual about a muddy shovel in the trunk.

All set.

Ahh...

You okay there, little fella?

Ooh, he gets carsick real easy.

Well, buckle up and we'll drive real smooth-like.

Now listen, SpongeBob

when we get to the Krusty Krab

I want you to take

that shovel

and bring it around to the back entrance

and stuff... er... I mean, stow it in the freezer.

Un... der... stand?

I understand, Mr. Krabs

but what do you want me to do with the bo...

tles of soda! Bottles of soda.

Same thing, put 'em in the freezer.

Oh...

Eww... eww... eww...

Oh, man, this is so gross!

The back door is locked!

What am I gonna do?!

Ahoy there, SpongeBob.

Heh. I thought you were out back

takin' care of that shovel.

Well, the back door was locked, so I came around here... eh.

So if you'll excuse me

I'm gonna go put my hat in the freezer now.

Okey-dokey, SpongeBob.

Is that kid okay?

He's actin' a little funny.

Funny? Oh. Yeah.

He's a real cut-up, that one.

He knows how to keep the crew in stitches.

Good one, boy!

Always on, that one.

There's no off on his funny switch.

Oh, ha, oh, stop it.

Oh, you're, you're killin' me.

Oh!

Look, I almost forgot!

It's open cash register night!

First two customers get all the money

in the cash register!

86 those patties, Krabs.

We just got a call about two ghouls

burying a stiff over by Shallow Grave Road.

I want a soda.

Here's your soda.

Always a pleasure.

Well, good-bye now.

Hey, there's no ice.

Ice? Ice? You want ice?

Is that what you want, you want ice?

The dark deed you requested

is done, sir.

Ice is in the freezer, ri...?

There is no ice!

There's never been any ice.

Ice is just a myth!

Step aside.

You people act like you've committed a murder!

Okay! I confess!

SpongeBob killed him!

What? You can't pin this whole rap on me!

He was insane, out of control.

He would have killed me, too

if you hadn't come along.

It was all Mr. Krabs' idea.

Put him down now, he's a mad dog!

He wears curlers to bed!

Wait! It's not what you think!

What are you two talking about?

We killed the health inspector

buried him, and then stuffed his body in the freezer.

You mean in here?

It's empty.

Is this some kind of joke?

Yeah... a joke!

Say, maybe he turned into a zombie

and walked out.

Aah! It's the zombie!

You guys should...

Take that, you zombie!

I'll take it from here.

Die, zombie!

Good police work, Officer Nancy.

Hey, this guy's not a zombie.

He's just an ordinary health inspector.

Yes, and at the risk of being hit again

I'd like to present you with this.

Hey, Mr. Krabs, look.

We passed the inspection!

Come on, everybody!

Krabby Patties at half price!

Well, not really.

Oh boy, I'd like a Krabby Patty.

Well, that's the story.

Yes, theyare all idiots, aren't they?

See anything yet, Patrick?

I need my glasses.

Hmm...

It's the mail truck!

Our package!

I didn't realize it was Happy Hopping Moron Day.

SpongeBob SquarePants?

That's me!

That's a big box!

Thank you.

Hey, SpongeBob?

When do we stop hopping?

30 more seconds, Patrick.

Probably ordered a lifetime supply of bubble soap.

Huh?! A brand new television?

Easy... easy...

Just when I thought they couldn't get any stupider.

Let me get this straight.

You two ordered a giant-screen television

just so you could play in the box?

Pretty smart, huh?

I thought it wouldn't work.

Yeah, that's quite a plan there.

Oh, but wait...

There's something else I wanted to ask you two.

Now, what was it?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Don't you two have any brains?!

Squidward, we don't need television.

Not as long as we have

our imagina... tion.

Wow! I never thought of it that way.

That's really something.

Can I have your TV?

With imagina... tion, I can be anything I want.

A pirate! Arr!

A football player! Hup!

A starfish.

Patrick, you're already a starfish.

See, Squidward, it works! You try!

Okay, let's see...

I'm imagining myself watching TV...

And there it is!

Can I have it, SpongeBob?

Sure, Squidward.

Oh, boy, oh, boy!

Okay, Squidward!

If you change your mind

we'll be in this box.

Let's play "mountain climbing adventure"!

Let's go for it!

Gloves? Check!

Hats? Check!

Underwear? Uh... check!

Okay, Patrick, climb up there

and secure this rope.

You got it!

- Patrick... - Patrick...

Patrick! You're going too high!

I hope they put some air holes in that box.

Take it easy, Patrick!

You've got to acclimate!

I'll take it easy when I'm dead!

I'm shaking hands with Neptune!

Whoo! Excelsior!

Where's that remote?

I am the lizard king! Whoo!

Patrick? Patrick? Patrick!

I think we should keep our voices down!

We might start an avalanche!

What?

I said I think we should keep our voices down

in case of avalanches!

What should we keep down?

Morons.

Our voices!

Will you two shut up!

SpongeBob?

Hold me.

Hang in there, buddy, the chopper is on the way!

SpongeBob! My legs are frozen solid.

You'll have to cut them off with a saw.

No, Patrick, I can't do that!

Why not?

Because I already cut off my own arms.

No..!

What the..?

How were you two making that noise?!

What noise, Squidward?

I could only hear the sound of our laughter.

Yes! But those sound effects: the avalanche, the, the, the...

Don't forget the second avalanche.

Forget it!

I don't know why I'm wasting my time out here

when I could be watching my brand new television.

- Attention, climbers! - Please hold on!

The saws are on the way!

Yay!

Aha!

How are you doing that?

First we establish a base camp at 15,000 feet.

The noises! How are you two making those noises?

That's easy, all you need is a box...

And imagina... tion!

Are you trying to say I have no imagination?

I have more imagina... tion in one tentacle

than you two have in your whole bodies!

That's good.

Now all you need is a box!

I'll show them!

There's got to be one in here!

Ah! This hat box should do nicely.

Why haven't I worn this yet?

Grr... oh...

Attention! We have you surrounded!

Come out with your hands up!

What do they want with me?

What did I do?

Obviously I violated some new box-kicking law!

Look, officers! Everything's okay.

I won't do it again!

You'll never take me alive, coppers!

- No, Johnny! - Don't do it!

Grr...

Whoopee, another box!

I got to try to relax.

Perhaps I can drown out their childish games with a little TV.

It is here that the boxes reach their final stage of assembly.

The equation is illustrated here by this box.

I couldn't afford a present this year

so I got you this box.

That's what I got you!

Isn't there anything on that isn't about boxes?!

And welcome back to Championship Boxing.

Heh-heh! I guess this is okay.

I mean, it's not really about boxes.

I give up.

Three... two... one... blast off!

How are they doing that?

That was the most realistic space launch I've ever heard.

There must be an explanation.

Think, Squidward, think!

Shh!

Squidward's such a jerk.

Laugh at me, will they?!

All right, where is it?

Here I am!

Where's what, Squidward?

Don't "Where's what, Squidward?" me!

Where's the tape recorder?

We don't have a tape recorder, Squidward.

Don't "We don't have a tape recorder, Squidward" me.

But we don't.

We have a tape recorder box.

All right! Make way, you two, I'm comin' in!

Welcome aboard, Squidward.

You've just set sail on the S.S.Imagina... tion!

Where our only destination

is fantastic adventure.

Where do you want to go first?

No, no, don't mind me, I'm just here to observe.

But, Squidward, don't you see?

Waiting and watching?

That's not what the box is about.

It's about imagina... tion!

All right, fine!

Take me to Robot Pirate Island!

I want to arm-wrestle with cowboys on the moon!

Just do it so I can get back and watch TV.

Okay, Squidward, Robot Pirate Island it is!

Beep-beep-beep.

Arr...

Beep-boop-beep-boop.

Ahoy, matey!

Beep-beep.

For that you'll walk the plank!

Grr...

Why won't this thing turn on?!

All right, fine!

You don't want to show me, I don't care!

I've got better things to do

than pace the floor

wondering how you two work this thing.

How do those two work that thing?

There's got to be a secret button

or a switch or something.

I mean, listen to that!

Now that sounds like Robot Pirate Island.

Think, Squidward, think!

I got it!

When those two go to bed

I'll sneak in there and find that button.

I'll wait all night if I have to!

I need sleep to refuel my imagination tanks!

I still can't believe

those pirates beat all those robots!

See you in the morning!

Good night, Patrick!

Hmm?

Hello, what's this?

"This plaque is to commemorate

"the brave pirates who gave their lives

"to keep this box safe from the Robot Menace.

Lest we forget..."

Oh! Got to find that button quick!

It's got to be here somewhere!

I don't see anything!

It's just an empty box!

Maybe it really was their imagination.

Oh... get it together, Squidward!

What are you saying?

I mean, do I really believe

that if I sit here and pretend to drive a race car

that I'm suddenly going to start hearing noises?

What the?

It actually works!

I can't believe it.

Oh, boy! This beats TV by a long shot!

This is the most fun I've ever had!

Listen to that, Gary.

Squidward finally made the box work after all!

That is so great.

Vroom-vroom! Only two more laps till the finish line!

I'm in the lead! Out of my way!

I'm almost there!

Victory is mine!

Aah!

Hey! Our box is gone!

Oh, well.

I know! Let's go see Squidward!

I hope he's not too down in the dumps today.

And NICKELODEON

Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH