Original subtitles

[SEAGULLS SQUAWKING]

?Are you ready, kids-

!KIDS: Aye aye, Captain

!I can't hear you-

!KIDS: Aye aye, Captain

SINGING) Ohh who lives in)- ?a pineapple under the sea

!KIDS: SpongeBob SquarePants

CAPTAIN: Absorbent and !yellow and porous is he

!KIDS: SpongeBob SquarePants

CAPTAIN: If nautical nonsense --be something you wish

!KIDS: SpongeBob SquarePants

CAPTAIN: --then drop on the !deck and flop like a fish

!KIDS: SpongeBob SquarePants

?CAPTAIN: Ready

:CAPTAIN AND KIDS !SpongeBob SquarePants

!SpongeBob SquarePants

!SpongeBob SquarePants

!SpongeBob SquarePants

[CAPTAIN LAUGHING]

NARRATOR: And now it's time for Patchy's Pick, hosted

by SpongeBob's number one .fan, Patchy the Pirate

.Ahoy, fellow fanatics-

.Welcome to Patchy's Pick

Why don't you come on ?back to the galley

I'm cooking up a real .treat for you today

We're going to see me .favorite show, Shanghaied

!Boring-

Well, if it isn't my less- ,than amusing sidekick

.Potty the Parrot

Potty, say hello .to the nice people

.Squawk-

I'm being held here .against my will

!Help

!Aargh-

!Potty

!Come back

?Potty

?Potty

?Where'd you go

?Potty

?You in there, buddy

?Potty

?Potty

[SQUAWKING]

PATCHY THE PIRATE: Get me !out of here, you scurvy bird

[SCREAMING]

.Well, roll the cartoon

.Mm-

Kelpo, with one of eight .essential prizes inside

!Holy shrimp

!Squidward

The sky had a baby !from my cereal box

!Squidward

!Squidward

!The sky had a baby

.That's not a baby-

.That's a giant anchor

.Now, go away

!Hey, Spongebob-

.The sky had a baby

.I know-

What do you think ?we should name it

--How about-

Why don't you two go- ?climb it's anchor rope

I'm sure it goes .somewhere far away

!Now look what you've done

.We didn't do it, Squidward-

.Our hands are clean

.PATRICK: Clean

Well, I'm going to get to- .the bottom of this thing

SPONGEBOB: Wouldn't ?that be the top

!Squid

!Wait

!PATRICK: Squidward

I

--NARRATOR: A few inches later

!Ship-

SpongeBob, how- long are you going

to stay in your ?little fantasy world

.No, look, a giant ship-

!Great-

.Let's go

Now I can finally give this anchor dropper

.a piece of my mind

.I don't know, Squidward-

That ship has a spooky .green glow around it

That's probably because- it's good-for-nothing owner

.is too lazy to clean

Or drop his anchors .in the right place

!Squid, wait-

.All right-

?Who owns this crate

.Come on out

.I want to file a complaint

Doesn't this place- ?seem familiar

.I don't know-

?Why

.I don't know-

Doesn't it just ?kinda ring a bell

[DOORBELL]

!Yes-

.I know who owns this boat-

.I just can't place the name

[SPOOKY YELLING]

No, no, it's not- .[SPOOKY YELLING]

.I am the Flying Dutchman-

!That's it-

Squidward, this ship !belongs to the Red Baron

Who be disturbing the Flying- ?Dutchman in his own lair

.It's Squidward-

.He wants to complain to you

,I-- I-- I-- no- .I-- I-- I don't

Well, what about all that stuff- about him having a dirty ship

?and being lazy and all

[LAUGHING SHEEPISHLY]-- .I never said that

Insulting a man's ship be- .worse than insulting his mother

.No, no, wait-

It was his mother you said .was dirty, not his ship

.Ow-

.You're next-

[SCREAMING]

.That was a close one-

.Welcome back-

[SCREAMING]

!That was a closer one-

.Welcome back-

[SCREAMING]

Hey, how come when- they act up, all

?they get is the welcome waggon

--If you ask me, it's

So, are you going- ?to try that again

.Probably-

?How about now-

--Um-

.No, no, they're not-

.Phew

.Now listen-

Whosoever sets foot on the ,Flying Dutchman's ship

uninvited or otherwise, shall become

members of his .ghostly crew forever

.And, uh, ever

Will we be getting- ?business cards

You're part of my- crew now, and our job

is to sail around .and frighten people

It'll be gruelling, mind .numbing, and repetitive

.Just like daytime television

.Now, you listen here, mister-

If you think I'm going to spend more than five minutes

,on this dumpster .then you're crazy

.I mean, look at this place

.It's disgusting

Whoever told you that hanging oil lamps

next to hardwood ?panelling was a good idea

?Oh, now what

I suppose you're going .to show me-- oh, oh, gee

.That's very nice

What is this, some ?kind of magic act

[SCREAMING]

Would anyone else like to- ?enter the fly of despair

!No-

We know our place .now, Mr. Dutchman

.We'll do anything you say-

,Then for starters- .you can swab the deck

!Look, Patrick-

.A real, live ghost mop

.And I've got this hat-

!Listen-

We're heading down to Bikini Bottom

tonight for a little .haunting spree

So I want this ship to !look good and scary

You mean, you want it- .to look good and scary

--Well, I think we can probably

.No, no-

I think he means he wants it to .look so good that it's scary

Or maybe that by- looking so scary, you

forget that it .doesn't look good

.I don't get it-

.Look, it's easy-

--It simply means

!Never mind what it means-

!I just want it to look scary

!That's it

You know, mould growing on the .ceilings and bugs in the sink

So you don't want ?it to look good

!Get moving-

SINGING) A sailor's)- ,life is a wonderful life

!a wonderful life for sure

.[Watch [INAUDIBLE-

Crew, howl with me so we might set

!the seven seas ablaze with fear

[HOWLING]

[SCREAMING]

[YODELLING]

[HOWLING]

[SCREAMING]

[YODELLING]

[YODELLING CONTINUES]

[YODELLING CONTINUES]

.Eh, that'll do-

.OK, square one

Since pink one's working the navigation, it's up to you

.to find our first victim

.Here

.Use this spyglass

!Now hurry up

.We're burning moonlight

.Let's see who we can find-

Captain, there's a .guy that we can scare

I had four biscuits- .and I ate one

.Then I only had three

Aye, it does me heart good to- .see children out after dark

Big one, take us .behind those rocks

.Moving behind the rocks-

.Keep going-

.You're good

.You're good

.You're good

.And stop

.Don't worry, Captain

.We'll buff out those scratches

.All right, never mind it-

Just jump out when .I give the signal

!Boo

[SCREAMING]

Prepare to be burdened- with the haunting

memory of my ghostly !ghost pirates

?Was that the signal-

.OK, sorry

.Sorry

.Just-- just do it again

With the haunting memory- .of my ghostly ghost pirates

[SPOOKY GHOST NOISES]

SPOOKY VOICE) How)- ?does he do that

.Get back on the ship-

(SPOOKY VOICES)- .It's still a mystery

.Those guys are dorks-

.Yes, but they're my dorks-

.SPONGEBOB: You're good

.You're good

.You're good

?Huh-

.SPONGEBOB: You're good

.You're good

.You're good

[SHOUTING]

.SPONGEBOB: You're good

.You're good

.You're good

[LAUGHING]

Why do you think- the Dutchman asked

?us to wait in our bunk room

Maybe he's going- .to give us a reward

?Like movie passes-

!Or an oversize coffee mug-

--I've been thinking- !stop bouncing

Uh, this whole crew for eternity .thing isn't working out

It's not really you .so much as it is me

?You're setting us free-

Well, actually, I'm- .just going to eat you

.See you at dinner

[SCREAMING]

!Wait-

.I have an idea

?Really-

?What is it

!Let's leave-

,But the door is locked- and the only way out

is through the !perfume department

.Let's do it-

.I always hate going in there-

.Yeah-

!Wait-

.Listen

Dear diary, I told them I'm- .going to eat them tomorrow

I made up some of that brown sauce

my cousin showed me .just for the occasion

It's a good think I found .my dining sock again

Remember the last time ?I lost me dining sock

.I couldn't eat for a whole week

Yes sir, sometimes I wonder how I'd

survive if anything --should ever happen to me

!Give me back my sock

Everyone knows I !can't eat without it

!Never-

!OK, then-

!Give it to me

!No-

Wait, you're stretching- !out the elastic

It would seem we have- .reached an impasse

.Pink one is right-

Tell you what, you ,give me back the sock

.and I'll give you three wishes

.Make it five-

.Four-

.Three-

.Take it or leave it

.OK-

.Three

.You get three wishes

!Wow, three wishes Pat-

?Isn't that great

?Wishes-

.I wish we had know that earlier

.OK, you got two wishes left-

.Well, we still have two more-

!How exciting

I wish Squidward were .here to see this

[SCREAMING]

.Boy, I'm glad all that's over-

!Squidward-

!You're back

?Guess what-

The Dutchman gave .us three wishes

Patrick used the first one, and I

guess I just used .the second one

Well then the last- ,one you owe me

because you got me .back into this mess

.Wait, I think it belongs to me-

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

!That's enough-

Using my mystic ,otherworldly powers

I shall decide who .gets the last wish

,Eenie, meanie, miney moe .catch a sailor by the toe

.If he hollers, let him go

My mother told me to pick the .very best one and you are it

.Now, think, SpongeBob-

.We're about to get eaten

What can you wish for to make ?it so we don't get eaten

.Don't worry, Squidward-

.I've got it all figured out

He won't be able to eat us, because I wish

that the Dutchman !was a vegetarian

!Hooray We're home-

.You did it, SpongeBob-

.We're safe

But why have we been- ?turned into fruits

.Hey, I get a wish, too-

.Fruit prevents scurvy

[SCREAMING]

!Hey, get back here with that-

!Ahoy, children-

.I'm back

I hope all you boys and girls enjoyed the show, because it's

.time for you to walk the plank

.Oh, sorry, kids

,What I meant to say was .it's time for fan mail

And now, the moment you've .all been waiting for

So get ready to blow ,milk out your nose

because we're going !to open a letter

.The envelope please, Potty

Thank you, my fine .feathered assistant

.Squawk-

.You're not welcome

Hey, Potty, you- ?smell something

[Potty, that [INAUDIBLE !on your head

I told you, we're !not doing that stunt

!Squawk-

!I didn't get the memo

Well, that's it- .for Patchy's Pick

Gary, looks like it's- .that time of week again

!Bath time

Come on, let's go get .the water started

You're going to have to .get in that tub, Gary

Now, Gary, we can do this .the hard way or the easy way

.Or the medium way

Or the semi-medium .easy-hard way

Or the sort of hard with a touch of awkward easy difficult

.challenging way

So that's how you ?want to play it, huh

!Gary, check out this new toy

!Fetch

?Huh

.New boomerang pet ball

.Really works

.Hmm

!Gary

There's a bomb !strapped to my chest

It's gonna explode in three !seconds unless you take a bath

?Please

I am now going to assault your .mind with subliminal messages

.Sorry you had to see that

?Hello, fancy French restaurant

I've got a naughty snail .here who won't take a bath

?What

?Could you say that again

.Slow down

It's like you're speaking .some other language

.Hey, Gare

?How 'bout some leap frog

.OK

.You're turn

.Hey

.Gare

?How 'bout some leap frog

I've got a crisp dollar bill for the next fella

.to take a bath in this house

.Ya ta ta da da, ya ta ta ta

.Ya ta ta da, ya ta ta ta

.Ya ta ta ta, ya ta ta ta

.Ya ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta

.Ya ta ta ta ta ta ta ta

?That didn't work either, huh

!Gary

!Gary

!Gary

.Look what I found

It's an old pirate treasure map revealing the location

of buried pirate treasure !in this very house

!Come on, boy

!Let's go get that treasure

.OK, Gary

.Now 40 paces to the left

,One, two, three, four ,five, six, seven, eight

--nine, ten, eleven .25, 26, 27, 40

.The treasure must be in here

!Wow, Gary, look

!A pirate treasure chest

[SNAIL NOISE]

.Why, no, Gary-

.This isn't the bathtub

!It's treasure

.Look

.Doubloons

.Don't drop 'em

.Look at this brooch

[SNAIL NOISE]

I don't know what a snail- .would want with a brooch

Now, why don't you ?just get in the tub

!Get in the tub

!Get in the tub

!Get in the tub

!In the tub

!In the tub

Now, Gary, are you going to get in this tub

.or am I gonna have to-- Gary

!Uh, could you, uh-- Gary, no

!Gary

.All right, Gary

You have duped and/or .frustrated me for the last time

So if I can't get you ,to come to the bath

I'll just have to .bring the bath to you

.Psst, Gary

.Bath delivery

.Come back, Gary

I have something .to share with you

.This is more like it

?Water you waiting for, Gary

[SNAIL NOISES]

?Oh, stuck in a tree

[SNAIL NOISES]

It's time to clean .up your act, Gary

[SNAIL NOISES]

!Oh, no

I bathed Gary too hard !and removed his skin

[TAUNTING SNAIL NOISES]

!Gary

Bring that ladder !back this instant

!I am really not amused, mister

You are going to take a bath and you

are going to get !clean right now

[SNAIL NOISES]

!I am so the boss of you

[SNAIL NOISES]

,It may be a free country ,but you live in my house

.under my rules

[SNAIL NOISES]

Don't use that tone !of voice with me

You will do what .I say, when I say

?What are you doing

!I am talking to you, mister

.Do not go near that mud puddle

?Gary the Snail, do you hear me

I am giving you three seconds to .get away from that mud puddle

--One, two, two and a half .don't make me say three

!Gary

!Gary

!Gary

!Gary

.I'm a dirty boy

[SNAIL NOISES]

.Yeah, yeah, Gary

.I'm getting behind my ears