Original subtitles

Your date just pulled up in front of the house.

Tell him to come in!

Your gentlemen know they're not welcome in this house.

Oh, for Christ's sake!

Sophia Stone, morning.

Listen, Sonny, your father died over two years ago.

Yeah, making up for lost time, huh?

Listen, little Hamlet, I was only 14 years old when your father knocked me

I made a good home for him, and to show his appreciation, he drank himself to

death, leaving you and me without a proverbial pot to piss in.

I mean, if I hadn't had the foresight to ensure him up to the eyeballs, you and

I would be out on the streets. Don't get self -righteous with me.

I mean, I still look good. I have held my age.

And if you took me out, your friends would think you got lucky.

Come on in.

Oh, wow, Michelle.

You look fantastic.

Oh, thank you. So do you. Yeah. Look, I've got to run, so, um, you'll take

of the baby, won't you?

Yeah.

Hey, have I forgotten anything?

Yeah, your knee pads and the two of the K -1.

You son of a bitch.

Exactly. Hell, I have to apologize for Jamie. He has no right to speak to you

like that.

Okay.

I'll see you later.

What's the matter with you?

I don't want to talk to you.

How could you be so cruel? Who is your mother?

If you were my dad, he'd... Fuck it.

Don't forget I'm here.

So am I.

And all this family stress gets me worried.

Don't worry.

Don't worry.

Where are you?

A little surprise for you.

Oh, that's so awesome.

I'm so fucking late.

Oh, God. Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Oh,

God. Oh, God.

I love you.

Oh, God, it's so good.

I love it when it's just a wink.

I hope that we slept a little longer that evening.

You know, that's what's going to drive me nuts.

So?

How are you going to do it?

Do what?

Screw you.

Are you out of your mind?

You're uptight, huh?

Maybe a little.

There's been a jacking and running.

I think I can take my mind off of it.

Oh, you do that

so well.

I mean, just assuming for the sake of argument.

I mean, you know, I really, you know, would do something that sick.

Now, but I want you to know that, you know, I mean, well, it just really went

right in my head.

But what made you think that you wouldn't rather strangle me than fuck

You two have been doing this freaking mating dance for years.

I mean, even before Charlie died.

You know, I've been watching you.

Oh, no.

Look there.

I've seen you look at that kid when he gets out of the pool in his bathing

That's not another we love. That's the last I've seen in your eyes.

You just want to admit it to yourself.

What do you think of the men you go out with?

They're all trim. No, they're all trim.

You don't go out with anybody overweight.

You think I don't know what I am?

No, what are you, Michael?

I'm a substitute for Jamie.

Well, it's bullshit.

Bullshit. Yeah, it's just bullshit. I mean, I don't understand why you're

me all these ideas.

I mean, the kids... I am thinking about Jamie. The kids got a problem.

Think about Jamie sucking on your tit.

You know?

Be honest with yourself.

You'll like it.

Sounds like you're the one that wants to have her out there with Jamie.

Come on, baby.

I'm here. Why don't we just talk?

Take my mind off this problem.

Do you want to watch me while I'm just thinking about it? Are you telling me

about it?

Do you have a clue to you? I might be thinking of you and not Jamie.

I don't know.

I've got to get my head down right now.

What's that?

Oh, my God.

It's hot now, isn't it?

Oh my God. I like that idea.

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

Thank you.

Oh, God.

Oh, God. Oh, God.

Oh, God. Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Oh, God. Oh,

God.

Oh,

God.

Oh,

God. Oh,

God.

Can I get you a drink?

Oh, no thanks. Sure.

Yeah. Thank you.

You must have got the schedule mixed up.

You know Jamie's schedule?

Oh, well, no, not really. Actually, I came here to see you today.

Oh, because you know it works, you know, days on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

Thank you. Yeah.

You know, I came by because I wanted to apologize again for the other day.

No, that's history.

It's history.

But I'm glad you came by.

Well, thank you.

You know, I have a problem, and I want to just speak to you about it, because I

think you're about the only person who might be able to help me.

Oh, go ahead.

Okay,

well, you know Jamie and I just care about sex, you know. True.

And when I first started going out with him, you know, I made it clear to him

that, like, I couldn't be just entirely faithful to him, that I was interested

in, like, maybe real three ways, you know, having...

You know, a woman every once in a while.

And every time I try to do something like that with him or have a woman over

the house or anything, he always gets really nasty to them and they get really

upset and so they just go home.

But there's this one woman in particular that I would really be interested in

doing something going with.

I just really don't know how to approach the subject because I know if Jamie

found out about it, it would just be, you know, the biggest, the end of it.

I love this person.

Do you?

It's me.

Ever since the first time I saw you, I just always thought you were the

sexy older lady.

Well, contrary to everybody's belief around here, I've never made it with a

woman before.

Oh. Well.

But... They only did the first time.

Oh. Is that invitations?

Well.

I think it's going to be nice that it's you.

Ooh.

You're not shy.

No, no. That's one thing I think you do know about me, Michelle. I definitely am

not shy.

And I'm always interested in something new. Yeah.

Ooh.

Well, I'm really happy you're making this so easy for me.

Thanks. Beautiful brush.

You probably know more about this than I do.

Well, I really admire a nice pair of dress like yours.

Thank you.

Ah, beautiful.

This

is

going to be very interesting.

It's delicious, too.

I love your outfit.

My God, you have the greatest things to wear.

Thank you. I went out for shopping one afternoon.

Oh, I love her.

So why don't you show me a little bit about how this all works?

I mean, I can imagine, but, you know, seeing the real thing.

Well, you are so gorgeous. I just love surprising you down here.

Do you like being eaten?

Of course.

It's no different with the humans.

It's nice to have this one.

Oh, no.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Oh, God. Oh, God.

Great. Thank you.

I don't know it.

I don't want to be in this little hole.

How do these nails feel?

Oh, it feels great.

I love it.

There we go.

I love it. I love it. I love it.

I love it. I love

it.

Oh, my finger.

I love it. Oh, yeah.

Oh,

my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my

God.

That's one thing I'm willing to learn if Jamie

isn't.

Do you have something to say or are you just holding up the wall?

There he is. Maybe they're here to talk to me from the afternoon there.

I know about you and Michelle.

You do?

Disgusting old whore.

Do you have to corrupt everyone you come in contact with?

First Dad, now Michelle.

You know it's bothering you.

The fact that Michelle and I are sexual animals.

We fuck and suck whomever we want, and what's worse, we don't feel guilty about

it.

You, on the other hand, are totally monogamous.

And you're stealing in guilt and shame.

You're full of shit.

Despite what you may think, I do love you very much.

I never intended to do this, but it can't be avoided.

I don't think you're doing it.

You know, I called you up in the house the other day. I hit the nail bed on the

head.

They almost break at speed to post with such steps.

Clarity to incestuous shoes.

You know, the incest that Hamlet feels is supposed to be between his mother and

uncle.

But none of the three say that.

No. It's not true.

You do what you want.

Take them.

Right now, you probably have a thousand thoughts going through your head right

now. They're fucking around.

And they keep them out of the truth.

You know, in that same place Shakespeare said, this above all, to thine own self

be true.

And you can look forward to the rest of the night today.

But I can't see folks to anymore.

In other words, son, go for it.

I don't know.

Oh, my baby.

Thank you so much for teaching.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Oh, God. Oh, God.

Oh, God. Oh,

God. Oh,

God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, yes.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh,

Jesus!

Mom is going to have fun with you.

Thank you.

Yes. Congratulations.

Uh -huh.

No, no.

Yeah.

I'm sorry.

Oh, no, no. Don't worry, Michelle.

I think I have a few more lessons, and he'll be ready.

Yeah.

Yeah. Can you manage without me for a few days?

Don't worry, Helen. I'll find a way to meddle through.

I didn't tell you. You were distracting me on the phone.

That's what I meant, Michelle.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Oh, my God.

Oh, God. Oh,

God. Oh, God. Oh, God.

That's a good life.

I wish I could have done it without you.

Come on. Come on.

Come in.

Hang me.

Are you doing that? Are you doing this?

I don't think so.

Now I've got some reinforcements with me. Randy.

Randy, do you know Mike?

Uh, we've met.

Okay, Mike, this is Randy.

Hi there.

Hi. Of course you know Jamie, but you don't know Mike. Yeah, sure, sure. How

doing, kid?

Good.

You guys make it through every hole here.

Oh my God, I've always wanted to do that.

All right.

Take the shirts off now, Luke.

You don't mind us? We've already started.

Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. I see that. Yeah, just come on in and dive in when you're

ready.

Yeah. Ah, good job, man.

Ooh.

That's my baby.

That's my boy.

Yeah.

And you can listen to it. Yeah, you doing okay down there, Randy?

Oh, yeah.

Except the old man here.

Get all those young stuff. Michael, I don't forget you, Michael.

Randy should come home now.

Thank you.

Two times is better than one, and a tongue down here will do it.

You like that?

You get something down here.

What the hell is that?

Oh, shit.

Oh, God. Oh,

God.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh, shit.

Oh, thanks.

Oh! Oh!

Oh!

I love you. I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

Oh, God.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. How do you like that, Mom? Oh, God. Is that right?

I love it. Oh, my God.

Oh,

God. Oh, yeah.

Oh, my God.

Oh, God, baby.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, Jesus.

Oh,

I see you guys aren't fighting

anymore. No, smoke love, not war.

That's a very good idea.

I'm

always

ready.

Thank you.

Beautiful.

What an attractive mother you have.

Thank you.

You're getting so formal.

Well, this is

something

very... Ah, that's more sensitive.

Jamie, why don't you stand up a little too?

I can't play with both my hands.

Oh, I can't play with both my hands.

Isn't it time to go to bed now?

We always had a good life, but now we're working.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Something I have had to deal with once in a while.

Yeah, what about it?

Well... I can just see it now. I can't mind this better.

Dear Abby, I have this nasty mud on my watch. It keeps me sifting and sitting

my face.

Yeah, that's exactly what I'm going to do in this couple of minutes.