Original subtitles

Tim? Chris?

I nailed it.

Really? Yeah.

Well, that's great. Now we don't have to do it.

Right. Perfect.

Yeah, I know. I was having second thoughts, too. I mean, well, it was a

radical idea. Yeah, I don't know what we were thinking.

Scared you enough to get an A, though, didn't it?

You should be one of those motivational speakers. One of those guys on the

infomercials. You know, how much money do you want to make? With one $900 call,

you could... Asshole.

What? Please.

Did you really think I wasn't going to check the grades myself?

Like I'm just going to trust you?

You know, I still have time. We can go to my profession. Oh, fuck you. It's

settled.

Come on, Chris.

Come on.

Hey, have you guys heard about this weird policy they have now at most

universities? In fact, I hope you know what I'm talking about. This is this

thing where if your roommate commits suicide, you get an automatic 4 .0 for

semester.

Yeah, apparently with a psychological trauma, they feel you deserve it.

Can you believe this?

Your roommate kills himself, and you get straight A's.

This kind of takes the heat off the finals, don't you think?

This is like giving you a license to kill.

I figured this out. You're going to go through four years, only kill eight

people, and graduate with a summa cum laude.

Hey, Dad, what's your major?

007.

I'm worried about my roommate.

I think he might be suicidal.

Maybe you could tell me what signs I should be looking for. Okay.

Suicidal sign.

Where are we going to get the tequila?

At the house, idiot.

Don't call me an idiot, asshole. Well, let's not act like a moron, idiot.

Well, the usual stuff, I guess.

Spending a lot of time alone, despondent, overly defensive.

Um, could you be a little more specific?

Hold on. If we're all drinking tequila, aren't we all going to get drunk? No,

I'm going to mix lemon juice and water together, put it in a tequila bottle,

that's what you and I are going to be drinking.

Well, I'd always be concerned about anyone who underlines passages in the

jar.

He's not much of a reader.

Hey, Poe's good.

Aren't they going to wonder where we are?

I don't know. If we did a keg party for 20 minutes, you think we'd send the dogs

out?

Anything else?

All right.

How about listening to depressing music?

That's good.

Anyone in particular?

What about this? Hanson.

Hanson? What do you want him to do? Grab a rifle and head to the nearest

watchtower?

Suzanne Vega.

The Smith.

The Cure.

Anything from the 80s.

Zambega, Miss Cure.

You guys know we have a sale on Joy Division?

What about the suicide note? What about it?

Where are you going to put it?

I don't know. I haven't really thought that through yet.

It's pretty important.

Because we got to stick together on this. You know that, right?

Right. You know that, right?

Yeah. Right?

Right. Right.

Oh, give me this.

It can't light up in here.

Thanks, but later. Tell you what, go pay for that, would you?

Yeah, I'll take that like you need deduction What

about movies, okay

Any period piece The

Scandinavian films and

Anything by a first -time writer director hate those

Is this helpful?

Your turn.

Oh, I'm so sick of this game.

Oh, look how cute. You're sick of it because you suck at it.

Who's got the time? I've got ten seconds.

I'll time. Remember, none of that sounds like... Okay, all right, okay. Baby,

it's you and me together.

Let's take these bastards down. You ready? Man, I'm really not feeling very

well. Natalie, don't fuck me.

You ready?

Go.

Okay, easy one. Disney rats.

Mickey Mouse.

Beautiful. Okay, okay.

He killed himself.

His daughter killed herself.

I think he's in a gap ad.

I don't know. He's a writer. Old man in the sea. He wrote it. Ernest Hemingway.

Beautiful. Easy.

Okay, okay.

Shortstop for the Cubs. Let's play two.

She's a Canadian. She's a girl. She'll never get it. Oh, Cubs.

Cubs. Baseball. Come on. Come on. Don't be an idiot. Come on. Baseball. Mr.

Baseball. Tom, sell it. No!

Jesus Christ, he's a Hall of Famer. He's got the second highest home run total

in the league, in the Major League. Cal Ripken just broke his record. Come on!

His first name is a Sesame Street character.

Bert? Time!

Oh.

This is the last time that you and I are partners.

I'm sorry, Rand. I don't know baseball.

Yeah, that's because you don't stop watching Fashion Channel.

Our turn.

Hey, Rand, how many did you get? I got two. How many?

I got two.

We got two. Two is good. No, two's not good. Two sucks, okay? I've never gotten

less than five. It's unbelievable.

You ready?

Yeah. No, no, no, no, no. Put it back. No, no, no. Put it back.

Put it back.

Put it back.

I'm not going to put it back. Okay, let's all stretch out a little bit. Put

back. Go, Randy, go.

Okay, ready?

And go.

Guy Rand was just talking about. Ernie Banks.

All right. Um, um, all right. Who puts this in?

Chairman of the Fed.

Alan Greenspan. Thank you. Now, that is not so bad for a scholarship student.

Um, all right. Uh, Star Spangled Banner. Uh, Francis Scott Key. He's so smart.

Okay. He's a senator. He's old.

He's scrawny neck. He's southern.

Strom Thurmond. No, no, no, the other one. Okay, he's the guy who wanted to

abolish the arts. Oh, Christ. That's not it. Ten seconds. Come on, come on, you

know this one.

He's from North Carolina.

He's the racist senator. Come on. Which one? There's only like 50 of them.

Satan. Jesse, help. Time.

Oh, that is the kind of information that gets you in the hump right there.

I'm really not feeling well. Can we leave?

No, no, I want to play again.

Ram, don't be such a dick. She said she wanted to leave.

Grant, I really think I'm going to be thick.

So go to the bathroom.

What do you want me to do, hold your hair back for you?

Thanks a lot.

Nice friends.

See you back at the door with my mom.

Excuse me.

What's wrong with my friend?

What?

I think she's the one.

I'm pregnant.

Are you sure?

I'm pre -med, Nat. I'm pregnant -pregnant.

You know what? We can do another test. No.

We've already done it twice, and I can't pee anymore.

If I had a life like yours,

I would have ended it long ago.

President with a fucked -up beard.

Isaac Asimov. No, um, Gettysburg.

Jeff Daniels. No, the other one.

Abe Lincoln.

Yes.

Uh, okay.

Chick from Species.

Cameron Diaz.

Um, Species, too.

Neve Campbell. No, she's from Facts of Life.

Natasha Henstridge, you morons!

Cool. Hey, we got two!

What's up, Ernie? My, my, my.

What do we have here? All the society's rejects in one spot.

A little contraband utopia, huh?

I got some bad news for you guys. I'm shutting you down.

Hey, Jezebel.

Take them down.

Is that an open container?

Just a soda, Ernie.

I'm going to ask you to take a knee for me. Give me a break.

Guess what?

You just escalated the situation and have established yourself as a threat to

me. I'm going to ask you to take both knees and do not make me go to the

All right, gentlemen, listen up. You probably heard this before. It is

versus Securoflex Corporation.

Lock in with me.

I am a private security officer. I have no state or governmental authority.

I stand as an ordinary citizen.

I have no right to detain, interrogate, or otherwise interfere with your

personal property. Basically, all that means is I'm a cop.

All right?

Just loco weed.

Just loco weed.

Let me tell you something.

Number one, I happen to know that loco weed is the same thing as marijuana.

Number two, I got kicked off the Hyannis Shore Patrol for knocking the snot out

of a punk just like you, so do not push me.

Now, has it ever occurred to you that marijuana is a hallucinogen? And maybe

day you're going to decide that you're Chuck Yeager. Your body's a plane.

This is a little runway. You're gonna go running down that runway and jump right

off that cliff. You ever seen a... Hold that thought.

Hey!

Rich boy!

What are you doing?

Hey, are you deaf and dumb?

You talking to me?

Officer Ernie.

At your service, sir.

Get away from the cliff!

I'm just clearing my head.

Hey, I got news for you. I don't give a rat's ass for your personal well -being.

I just don't want you going over on my shift.

I appreciate the concern.

What's littering?

Five to ten?

That's how long it's going to take you to get through college, dumbass.

Do not! Do not throw that bottle!

Come on. Come on over here.

You're taking a ride down to the security trailer.

I will have the cinnamon plum.

Oh, decision time. Very nice.

And Hawaiian punch for my dad.

Hawaiian punch for your dad. Yeah. Good. Each five.

Why don't you go, wait, and sit?

Thank you, Frank.

But how do you know?

It doesn't matter. I just knew.

I didn't tell anyone.

You have to tell Rand.

Oh, no.

No, I can't. He's got a big term paper due this week.

Besides, I mean, what am I going to do?

I'm a junior. I'm Catholic. I'm Canadian.

Oh, give it a shit. You know what I think?

I think that this is the best thing that has ever happened to Rand.

He does not love me anymore, Tim, and he's going to ask me to get rid of it.

That's not true, Nat. He loves you. He loves you with all of his heart.

He has big dreams about going to grad school.

This ruins it.

Grad school?

Randall doesn't give a shit about grad school.

Starting a family? Now that's something that's important to him.

You don't get it. The two of you, I mean, you guys are like, um, like, uh,

and June, heart to heart.

Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love.

You guys were meant to be together.

You really think so?

Look, I know you guys have only been together, what, three, three and a half

months? But I know that Ran loves you.

And you have to tell him.

You're a really good friend.

No.

Okay, I'll take a little one.

Yo, hey, yo, whoa, whoa, what's going on? You, uh, you moving in with my girl?

Oh, you know me, buddy.

Just keeping your seat warm.

Oh, hey, um...

What time are you guys going to the party tonight? I'm bringing it at 10.

good. I'll be there. Don't leave me hanging. You know we're playing beer on.

And you know.

Right?

Yeah.

What do you know?

You were just talking.

You were just talking? It didn't look like that to me.

Well, you know, Randy kind of walked in. I just walked into the middle of what?

It's okay. Just relax.

Do you want me to go get you some water?

No, I'm fine.

Do you want to be on top?

Just give me a second, okay?

I can talk dirty to you.

It's not going to work. I'm just... I'm just so worried about this...

This getting into Harvard thing is... You used to only worry about getting

me.

Can't do this right now.

Sorry.

You know,

there are people you can talk to about this.

Yeah, I know. I'm already seeing a tutor.

I'm talking about this.

Right.

Sorry. It's just... It's everything, you know? It's midterms and grades and

graduation and worrying if I'm going to be accepted.

I said it was okay.

Hi. Do you want a flyer for our spring fling? No.

Hi. Here, take a flyer for our spring fling. It's a non -alcoholic party.

We're going to have nachos.

We'll dance to this song. You don't have to if you don't want to. No, no, I like

it.

It's going to be another very intellectually stimulating evening.

What are we going to do here?

Party. I have an idea. Why don't we have fun?

I just can't get any sleep.

Hey, Eileen.

Hey.

Hi.

Hey, Jimmy.

Hi.

Need a hand with that?

Thanks.

How's school going, man?

I got all satisfactory.

All right.

Hey, you guys.

What is up, Gilbert Grape? Hey, Renee.

Hi, Emma.

Hi, Jimmy.

Hi, Renee.

How do you guys know each other?

Renee's my tutor.

She teaches computers.

Renee's smart.

No, you're smart.

Hey, Jimmy, do you think Renee is pretty?

Yeah.

She's so pretty, you'd want to kiss her?

Don't tease me, Tim.

Yeah? What are you talking about? We're buddies.

If she's so pretty, Jimmy, do you think you'd want to, um, have sex with her?

Do not answer that.

Yeah, I guess so.

Do you remember what I told you about girls?

Yeah. What'd I tell you?

I don't remember.

Would you please stop?

Come on.

Think hard.

What'd I tell you?

Girls are no goddamn good.

Oh, that's a boy.

Charming.

Now look what you did.

I'm sorry, did I hurt her feelings?

Yes, you did.

Give me $10, I'll go buy her some flowers.

You know where to buy flowers?

Yes, I know where to buy flowers.

Tired of always bailing you out. This is gonna get your ass kicked, Jimmy.

Thanks, buddy.

That Tim's a good guy.

Yeah, he is, isn't he?

Hi, we're having a spring fling. It's a non -alcoholic party.

For all ages, we're going to have nachos. Is it, buddy?

I thought you said we weren't going to drink.

Ah, one drink might kill it.

To kill you.

Drinking champions.

Cheers.

Was it too much lemon juice for you?

Asshole.

You think! No!

Can we not do this right now?

You gotta do it.

You don't do it, they're gonna throw you in the pit.

They throw you in the pit, you're gonna die.

You gotta do it.

You can do it.

You can do it, Stevie.

You can do it.

Look me in the eyes.

Go ahead, do it, Stevie, do it!

Stevie, you show them, bastard. You show them you got balls.

Show them you got balls.

Fuck you!

Okay, all right, go ahead.

Stevie, go ahead. Go ahead, Stevie, show them. Show them you got balls. Go

ahead.

Hey, kid.

Hey, kid.

You did it.

You show these bastards.

You did it, kid.

Don't worry.

Don't worry, kid. In five minutes, we're going to be out of here.

Don't you worry.

Come on. Come on. We'll let you out of here. We'll let you out of here.

Put a flat beard to your head. Come on.

Put a flat beard to your head. Come on, Nicky. Put a flat beard to your head.

something she wants to say.

Rand. Go ahead.

Tell him, Natalie.

You don't have to say anything.

You're being an asshole again.

Why? We're all friends.

What is it?

Forget it. No, no, no, no, no. No, no, I won't forget it.

You have something to say.

So say it.

What's wrong?

Mommy forget to send you money for your Xanax prescription?

What are you doing? You're going to make her cry.

Like that's a tough thing to do.

Maybe we should leave him alone.

Now he's getting angry.

What? What? What?

What is so goddamn important that you have to ruin the whole party?

Just tell him so we can go home.

You want to know what's so fucking important?

You knew about this?

You told him?

You told him before you told me?

It doesn't matter.

She was scared to tell you. I wonder why.

You knew, too?

Hey, did anybody in this room not know that my girlfriend was knocked up?

Please, don't touch me.

I can't trust you.

Who else did you tell?

Christ, who else did you fuck?

Why are you doing this?

I don't even know it's mine.

That's way out of line, partner.

Why?

Did you fuck her?

Is that it, huh?

I saw you together. Hey, hey, hey, Becca.

Hey, Rand, just chill out. At least I know you didn't fuck her.

What does that mean?

Why don't you just go home? Why don't you just make me?

Oh, you're such a tough guy. You want to slap me around a little bit now?

Come on. Just chill out, Rand.

And you.

I actually thought you were special.

You're nothing but a small -town whore.

Hey.

Phase one complete.

And just leave the fucking bottle.

Didn't anybody ever tell you?

It's dangerous to drink alone.

This sucks.

I know. We know.

We got one for each of us. Turn around.

You take that.

Open it up.

Put it in there.

Drink to being a man. Drink it, right?

It just tastes like shit.

Here, try this one. Take this one.

Drink it!

That's it.

Come on, drink it!

That's the real deal.

Fucking women.

Now, I'm going to take this opportunity to say I told you so.

I really fucked up.

It'll be all right.

Not this time.

I don't want a kid.

She can get an abortion.

Natalie, she's like Joan of Arc. There's no way in hell that that girl is

getting a fucking abortion, so you might as well drink some.

I guess I could slip her one of those RU -486ers.

What, the abortion pill? You can't do that.

Yeah, you're right.

They're impossible to get.

Just throw her down a good flight of stairs. Nothing works like an old

It's not like she's a citizen, right?

She's here on a student visa.

I could get her deported.

Plant some drugs on her. That's the ticket.

Nobody gets hurt. Hey, I'll drink to that.

And so are you. You drink.

This stuff goes down just like lemonade.

With a kick.

I love you guys.

Hey.

I'm all gushy inside.

Then, Machacho?

Oh, jeez!

You okay?

Sorry.

Tim?

Look at our roommate.

Fucking going to Harvard, baby!

Don't pile on Harvard, boy! Don't pile!

Cut it out.

Come on, man. We can't be proud of our roommates.

I haven't gotten in yet.

Mere formality now.

What are you talking about?

Man,

when have you ever gotten less than an A in anything?

We've raised a good son, huh, Pa?

Shit.

I really love Natalie.

Bullshit. Oh, man, I do.

I really do.

Fucker.

I went out with her for three months.

Hey, where you going?

Drink that, you big girl! Fuck you, man! Fuck you!

Good boy.

Fuck, did I end up here?

Just a little rat poison to hasten the job.

Hey, Rand.

Just drank a whole bottle of rat poison. How you feel?

Fuck, is he dead?

I don't know. I'd like to jiggle him and find out.

Hey, Len.

Are you dead?

That was unexpected.

All right.

Let's do this.

Empty those bottles out. Throw them over there.

Help me roll this body.

What about the suicide note?

I almost forgot.

No, it sucked.

Throw those bottles over there.

What if it rolls away?

It won't. So how do you know? You've done this before?

Calm down. No, fuck you.

What'd you say to me?

The fuck did you say to me, huh?

We're doing this!

Gretchen, it's already done.

You grab your sack right now and you help me roll.

Get your body over that cliff. Ready?

Roll.

What now? I can't do this. Yes, you can.

Tim, I swear I can't do this, okay? Why can't you just do this part? I'm gonna

be sick.

Why do I always have to be the responsible one?

All right.

Big girl. Walk away.

Come on. Close your eyes and walk over there, you bitch.

Take care of it. I take care of it.

Hey, Chris?

Did I bite his head in with a rock?

You know, just to be sure.

I should, right?

Who is it? Who is it?

Natalie.

Hold on a sec.

Yeah, I heard you. What do you want?

We're at home.

Good morning, Natalie. I'm fine. How are you? Where is he?

Well, we haven't seen him.

God, isn't he with you?

After last night?

I don't think so.

I might be pathetic, but I'm not that pathetic.

Going back home.

You're leaving school?

Yeah. I think I've learned all I need to know here.

I'm embarrassed about what happened last night.

Yeah, I mean, I've never seen Rand act like that. I've told Rand to keep

stringing people like that so I'm just gonna throw him off a cliff or

Hmm. That's not a bad idea.

Jeez, Matt.

Don't forget to write.

Yeah, goodbye then.

Goodbye.

She's never a big surprise.

There was nothing.

Either of you could have done to prevent Rand's death.

When someone makes up their mind to take their life, there's nothing anyone can

do.

Rest assured, all of the university's resources are available to you in order

better deal with this situation.

Dr.

Ashley has informed me that she will be at your disposal.

Anytime you need to talk, there's always somebody at the crisis center and they

know how to reach me.

We have a solid support structure here.

I just wish Rand would have taken full advantage of all the kindness that you

people have to offer. Thank you.

That's a real tragedy, isn't it?

Yes, sir.

Right now, your well -being is our primary concern. We want to do

can to help you through this.

Now, in order to guarantee that the two of you have nothing else to worry about

other than coping with this tragic situation, the university would like to

extend the offer of...

waiving your academic requirements and accepting an automatic 4 .0 grade point

average for the semester.

I'm sorry, I'm not... I'm not sure I understand you.

It's standard practice at most state universities.

What?

Oh, don't worry. The circumstances behind the grades are kept strictly

confidential.

Let me get this straight.

Our best friend kills himself, and you want to reward us with straight A's

because we're his roommate?

Nobody's rewarding anybody, Tim. It's a preschool policy.

You're not obligated to take the 4 .0, but I think you should at least consider

it. You'll have enough to deal with without worrying about finals and

I don't need your help!

Don't touch me, all right? You take the four -pointer. You take advantage of the

situation. Sean, please.

We can talk about this some other time.

Mr. Alexander, Dr. Ashley, I'm so bad. I'm sorry.

It's been a lot to deal with.

That's why I absolutely insist you leave everything up to us.

Now, we've already notified the authorities and Rand's family.

We're planning a memorial service as soon as they find the body.

They haven't found the body?

No. I've been after the Regents for years to clean up that river. It's full

all kinds of polluted garbage.

I heard you get amoebic dysentery if you swim in it. Yeah, but who wants to swim

in there? The stench that comes off that thing. Are you kidding?

I'm sorry.

When you feel up to it, the local police would like to have a word with both of

you.

Don't worry. It's just a formality. It's for the sake of Rand's family.

Of course, we'll do anything we can to help. Yes.

I must say, you two are setting a great example for the rest of the student body

here.

Rand was very well liked.

I'm sure there are many students who, when they hear the news, will be

Your strength as Rand's closest friends will definitely be a model for all of us

to follow.

Be strong.

Then I too could have the fun that you did.

Till it was time to pony up what you did.

For you could make a killing.

For you could make a killing.

Do you remember the time at Paper Moon that waitress refused to serve her aunt

home fried hamburger?

Do you remember that? Wow, Alice.

There are no breakfast foods after 11 a .m.

I thought he was going to kill her.

Don't you remember that? He told her he was going to call the Hash Brown

Preservation Society.

Do you remember that?

I have the best written story.

We're high school seniors, right?

Obviously way before we knew you guys. And it is like, I don't know, just

the senior prom.

hated prom oh yeah i'm sure you had a really tough time at prom emma so randy

the same girl all through high school and a week before the prom she dumped

probably his fucking heart that poor guy i think her name was wendy anyway it

was a week before the scene of prom and they planned to go all year so wendy

says to rand we should just get as friends you know total worst

So Rand agrees.

Cut to prom night.

And Wendy's waiting for Rand to show up. He had rented a tuxedo, he had a limo,

he had great reservations, and the whole nine, right?

And I can just, I mean, 7 o 'clock rolls around, no Rand. 8 o 'clock, no Rand.

10 o 'clock, and there's no Rand. And I can just see it. She's sitting there on

this couch.

You know, mom and dad have the camcorder out, and little sister gets to stay up

late to see the big sister go to her prom.

I mean, the whole, this kid was like part of the family, right? And the whole

neighborhood's over.

Norman Rockwell, right?

11 o 'clock, and there's still no Rand to be found.

What happened? Did he go?

Yeah, he went to the prom. He, um...

But the thing is that he actually took a hooker.

And not a high -priced hooker either. I am talking about the bottom of the

barrel, baby. I am talking about I will suck your dick for a crack rock 10 buck

on the street corner.

Just a fat fucking trip. Hair, stretch marks, comes in with a tube top, looking

all proud.

And she's sporting this corsage.

that he had ordered special for Wendy. It was orchids.

It was Wendy's favorite.

But nothing is as pricey as the prom picture.

Sitting there toothless as that fucking whore.

Oh, man. The best part is Wendy was so mortified that she actually missed the

last two weeks of school and had to go to summer school to graduate and ended

going to college a year late.

Oh, man, he fucked that bitch.

Yeah,

Ran definitely had a mean streak in him.

Where is Ran? In heaven.

The body. Where's the body? Shh.

The body is in the river, you idiot.

Why hasn't it come up yet? I don't know. It's got to tire or something. Relax.

Go find the body.

We'll get our foreplay notes. Have you ever tried a CAO? Very smooth.

How can you be so calm about this? I thought, see, I thought you wanted to do

this. I want to get into Harvard business. This is getting you into

business.

Don't you feel the slightest amount of guilt about this? Please.

Guilt is for kids.

Why do you think Starbucks opens their stores next to neighborhood coffee

Talk about this later, please.

Why, am I embarrassing you?

It's all about selling the beans. You even know what Starbucks means?

Star universe.

Fucks money. Money runs the fucking universe.

You have a choice. You can either be a short normal drip or a power fucking

grande mocha latte.

$31 .25, Timmy. Just put it on the tab, baby.

I have to tell you something.

When you talked about your friend and his troubles, I

assumed you were talking about yourself.

A lot of students are embarrassed to admit that they have feelings of

so it's not uncommon for them to project their feelings onto a fictitious

friend.

There's nothing anyone could have done.

I mean, I know that now.

Yeah, but reconciling our emotions and our feelings

of inadequacy with our logical, practical way of thinking,

that's the hard part.

Why didn't you tell Mr. Alexander I was already seeing you?

I don't talk about anything that happened in this office.

I took an oath.

Nothing at all?

If you decided to underline passages and catch her in the rye and told me that

you were going to shoot the president, I wouldn't say anything.

What would you do?

Planning on killing the president?

No.

No, it's just that... I think that you have enough to worry about.

So you say Rand was acting strange the last few weeks?

Yeah. It was weird. He bought, you know, he was buying depressing books and

videos. Was Rand drinking rather heavily the last night you saw him?

That'd be a big yes, sir.

Really?

Would you say he had a problem with alcohol?

You mean getting it?

Just a little joke, sorry.

Did he have a problem? I don't really know, but Chris...

You know him a lot better than I did. What do you think?

Well, uh, yeah, I mean, maybe, yeah. I thought you said you knew Rand since the

fifth grade.

You're absolutely correct. I did say that.

But, you know, college, people, friends kind of drift apart. We're still like

that, but... Over the last year, Rand and Chris became like, uh, like

Brothers.

Was he upset that night?

Well, I, um, I don't really know. Chris, you were with him a lot more that

night.

What do you think?

He, uh, he got into a fight with his girlfriend, Natalie, and, uh, she's

from Canada.

Is she Canadian?

Yeah. Have you ever been to Canada?

No. Natalie brought her.

We haven't located her yet.

She came by yesterday to say goodbye.

You might want to check her mom's house, eh?

You were saying something about a fight.

Uh, yeah, I mean, uh, well, Natalie told Rand that she was pregnant, and, uh,

Rand was really drunk, and he got very upset. He thought it wasn't his, so he

pushed her, and she fell down.

Chris tried to break it up.

Really?

Yeah, well, I guess so. You shouldn't push girls around, sir.

Especially when they're pregnant, guys.

I can't wait to see my boy jump right in the middle of the fray. Bam!

It would have taken him, too, if Rand didn't cold cock him.

It was nothing at all.

I assume they were witnesses.

Oh, yeah.

Whole party saw it.

Rand had no right to embarrass you like that in front of everyone. He didn't

embarrass me.

Then what happened?

Well, he left. I mean, that's the last I saw him. Yeah, but you went running

right after him.

Forget something.

No, no, not really. I mean, it's no big deal.

I mean, I ran after him and he was gone. Like I said, that's the last time I saw

him was at the party. How soon after Ran left did you go after him?

My boy went looking to kick some ass.

No, right after. Right after.

But you didn't see him.

Was Ran on the track team? He just vanished?

Maybe he was abducted by some fucking aliens.

Okay, maybe it wasn't right after, but Tim, you were there.

I mean, I probably took a minute or two to make sure Natalie was okay.

Or which was it? Right after one minute, two minutes, what?

I don't... No, it was probably a minute. It was a minute.

Did you go up to the Dell that night?

No. You sure?

You seem to be having a little flaccidation of memory.

You don't have to answer them, buddy.

Excuse me? I don't mind telling them anything.

He has his rights.

He should have his lawyer present.

Well, we're just trying to get the facts straight.

Counselor.

Oh, I almost forgot.

Is this Natalie?

That is Natalie.

I'm sorry, where'd you get that picture?

We fished it out of the river this morning.

It was probably on your buddy.

Hey, this is done, right? But I got to get across campus for a class. You guys

mind just popping me over there? Yeah, sure. Come with us.

I'm really worried about Chris.

We all are.

I mean, first this whole thing with getting waitlisted at Harvard.

He's completely obsessive about it.

And now with Rand, I mean... I really want to help him through it, but he

even talk with me about it.

Well, at least you don't have to worry about the whole waitlist thing anymore.

What do you mean?

We didn't tell you?

Tell me what?

About the 4 .0? If your roommate commits suicide...

You get an automatic 4 .0 for the semester.

He didn't say anything?

I thought that was just a myth.

But I, until they offered it to me.

So Chris took it?

Wow, that doesn't sound like him.

Did he ever talk to you about this whole 4 .0 thing before?

Uh, I don't know. He may have mentioned it a long time ago.

Before Ran killed himself?

Okay, if he did mention it, he was completely joking.

What's your point?

Just try to follow me on this, all right? This whole life, all Chris has

wanted was to get into Harvard.

Then his grades, they suck this semester.

I'm joking about this whole 4 .0 dead man's curve thing. Hey, kill yourself so

can get into grad school.

That night at the party, Rand popped him in the face in front of, like, half the

campus. Rand took off. Chris took off right after him. The next morning, we

up, Rand's dead, and Chris has got his ticket into Harvard. It's pretty

convenient, don't you think? You are so full of shit, and I don't know what

you're trying to do, but he's your best fucking friend.

It makes sense if you think about it.

Have you heard from Natalie?

No.

This whole Rand thing's got me really fucked up.

Chris, why can't you talk to me?

Is this about that whole 4 .0 thing?

How do you know about that?

Didn't you tell me that?

No. I didn't tell anyone.

Did Tim tell you? He's the only one that knows. I don't talk to Tim.

I don't know what's going on.

Are you gonna take the 4 .0?

What would you do?

Well, I'm asking you.

I don't want to talk about it.

You don't want to talk about anything anymore.

Look, if you want to take the 4 .0 because Rand killed himself, fine, take

I'll still love you, I just... Maybe you wouldn't be so stressed out if you

didn't take it. I mean, Harvard's not the end all. There are plenty of other

good schools willing to take you as your grades are. There is no other school.

It's either an MBA from Harvard or you're flipping burgers.

Chris, let me help you.

God, don't you trust me?

There's just a lot of stuff going on that you should not be involved. I need

figure this out on my own.

Yeah. Why don't you do that?

That'd be so great.

I don't want to see you anymore. Just go. I will tell you everything soon, I

promise. You'll understand all of it. Go! Leave!

You find something else?

Oh yeah.

What do you got?

Your girlfriend.

She ain't in Canada.

Where have you been?

Studying my balls off.

Nice song. Cheerful.

We have to talk. About what, buddy?

What the fuck is going on?

Well, this should be called taking a piss, Bob.

Natalie's dead.

Okay. Well, that's clearly unfortunate.

Nothing's changed. I mean, everything's going as planned.

Did you hear what I said?

Natalie's dead. She killed herself. It's our fault. Why do you have to panic all

the time?

Panic? We killed Rand.

You and me, okay? We killed him. You said this was going to be simple. That's

what you said.

Now, what about the police?

What about them? We knew they were going to come. It's basic police procedure.

You made him think I had something to do with Rand's suicide.

You did have something to do with Rand's suicide.

Don't be an asshole, okay? Why did you invent that shit about me running after

Rand? It never occurred to you? I was just having a wee bit of fun. Would you

relax?

You were, you were, um, you were fine.

You know, Mike and Matt thought you were fine. Who the fuck are Mike and Matt?

Hello, the detectives. Gave me a ride in the car yesterday.

Bitchin' car. Hey, you know, Marty, you should play pro ball.

Are you kidding? You're on a first -name basis with the cops? What, are you guys

going for beers later?

Why are you always so negative?

Tim, I can't deal with this anymore. This whole thing was your idea. My idea?

No, it was your idea.

You're the one who came up with it.

Do you know a ran or a size 12?

I was only joking around. I was kidding.

I'm sure it's just kidding. Oh, oh, fuck, shit.

When exactly did I put the gun to your head, huh?

You just pissed off because you didn't have the sack enough to pull it off, and

I did.

You know what? None of this is worth a 4 .0, all right? I don't even want to go

to Harvard anymore. I'd be happy going to anywhere.

You're so selfish. This isn't all about you, you stupid fuck. I have a stake in

this, too. Harvard Law.

Remember?

Do you think for one second either one of us would have gotten to Harvard if we

didn't do this?

I can't believe we did this.

Think back.

Six weeks ago, how depressed were you when you found out you weren't getting a

Harvard because of one fucking B -plus? The rest of your life, you were perfect,

and for one second, you were average.

In an intro to ethics class, nonetheless. That is funny stuff.

I had to kill myself.

Exactly.

And you came to me.

Tried to buy paper, tried to change the grade with that program we got from

Bobby. Nothing worked.

When you were down and out, who came up with a great plan and saved the day?

What about Rand?

Rand's getting us into Harvard.

What about Natalie?

You talked to Emma?

How's Emma?

We're not really talking right now.

Is this all about Emma?

Is something going on with you two?

She kind of broke up with me. She kind of broke up with you?

She told me to leave, to just go.

Hey.

I'm sorry.

You really love her?

That means you right here.

Tell me, you really want her back?

Yeah, I love her.

All right.

So why don't you go get her?

All right, Chris, here's the plan. You go out and buy her flowers, candles,

something nice, whatever she likes, right?

I'm going to get a cocktail or two into her tonight.

You go back to her room and set it up all pretty like the love shack, right?

Then I want you to wait inside her closet.

When I give you the signal, I want you to pop out.

It's going to be true love, baby.

Trust me.

The things that you do. And when I ask you to be nice, you say

you've got to be cool to be kind in the right measure. Cool to be kind

is a very good sign.

Cool to be kind means that I love you, baby.

Gotta be cool.

You know I can't reveal anything that's discussed by my patients.

Understood. No need to reveal anything.

Just a couple of simple questions.

Them things on your arm, do they really work?

Is that your first question?

Chris Mason, a patient of yours?

Confidential.

Have you heard or witnessed anything that might be helpful?

Hey, Doc.

Don't make me fucking regurgitatious.

I know you see these kids all over the campus all the time

Don't do that

Anything

else?

No, I think we're fine. I'm not talking to you.

You fucked her? No.

You fucked her? Yes.

Oh, my God.

Let me.

I got a big surprise for you.

I love surprises.

Close your eyes.

Ray, on the count of three, I want you to open them.

One, two, three.

Sometimes it just never seems it.

Are you okay?

Don't fucking touch me.

I'm sorry. I know how you must feel.

Fuck you.

I made a mistake, Chris. People make mistakes.

A mistake? You had my roommate's dick in your mouth.

It's not like we had sex.

Oh, that makes me feel so much better.

Okay, I fucked up, all right?

Tim got me really drunk.

I was upset about Natalie, and I was lonely.

I am lonely. I just wanted someone to... Because you don't even talk to me

anymore. I'm so sorry. It's my fault. It really is my fault. That's not what I

meant. No, it's my fault. I'm the one who let Tim take advantage of the

situation. I fucked up, not you.

How can I even trust you? I mean, had I not been there, would you have told me?

Why were you there?

Don't turn this around.

Did Tim tell you to be there?

Did Tim tell you to go into my room and put the flowers and the candles? No, I

did. It was my idea.

Did Tim tell you to do it?

Yes, but I wanted to... Chris, Tim told me he thinks you killed Rand.

That you made it look like a suicide to get a 4 .0 and get into Harvard.

I don't know what Tim's doing, okay?

Did Tim kill Rand?

It was a joke. I saw this comic on MTV. It was doing this bit on how...

You could get a 4 .0 if your roommate committed suicide. I mean, it was just,

was a joke, you know, how easy it would be. You write a suicide note and push

them off a cliff and buy a few Smith CDs. It was just a fucking joke.

But you did it.

Yeah.

Yeah, we did.

Oh, my God.

Look, I never meant for any of this to happen. Chris, Tim is setting you up.

What? Are you blind? He's trying to make everyone think that you killed Rand.

Tim would not do that to me. No, but he would seduce your girlfriend and make

sure that you see it.

He's gonna make you take the fall.

Why would he do that?

Who cares, Chris?

Maybe he wants to screw you before you screw him, or he's just a fucking

We have to do something.

We?

Do you trust me?

Tim was really angry and upset.

He thought it was taking advantage of the situation.

What about Chris?

Well, actually, I don't remember him saying much at all about it.

Do you mind me smoking?

I'd rather you not.

Did Chris seem surprised, shocked?

No. It was more like he was resigned to the fact.

Maybe like he already knew it?

Hmm.

Maybe.

Where have you been?

Walking around.

Hey, what's with the gun? We need to talk.

No, we don't. Put down the gun.

See?

It's not loaded.

Actually fucked up, Chris.

I know what you must be thinking.

You have no idea what I'm thinking. I can't explain. I can't explain

Remember this story I told you about Rand?

The problem, the hooker. Yeah, so?

That wasn't Rand.

That was me. I did that.

But see, what I didn't tell you is that she came crawling back to me a week

later. I was just testing. I like to do that. I like to push people.

See how much I can get away with and still have them want to be my friend.

Rand was your friend.

I fucking hated Rand.

He was mean to everybody.

You know, he always hated you.

Scholarship boy.

Everything was always handed to Rand, and not we had money, dude, we had cash.

Chicks, grades.

And then you come along.

And you do almost as well as us.

Maybe, maybe even better. And that drove Ran crazy. You come from nothing and do

better than us. Oh, my God. I didn't care.

I didn't care.

He used to joke all the time about how easy it would be to get you to kill

yourself so that he would get a 4 .0. So that we, him and I, both get a

4 .0. Isn't it ironic?

Don't you think?

A little.

You know, I've never trusted anybody in my whole life.

It's a casualty of the upper class. And this thing comes along. The thing.

It completely and totally relies on us trusting each other. And you trust me.

And I do. I totally, completely give you all my trust.

I've never had anybody like that in my life. And see, that's why. That's why.

I kept pushing you, and you stuck with me all the way to the end, buddy.

God.

I've never had anybody like that in my life.

Why Emma?

Well, I didn't do it to hurt you.

Let's just give it a test.

I mean, that, that, man, was just like the final test of our friendship.

You are really sick.

I know.

I know, and I'm sorry.

See, I've never had a real friend before.

Why can't I ever be fucking happy with the way things are? You know why?

of my dad. I don't want to hear this.

No, no, no. See, I don't think you understand the situation here, Chris.

I... God, I'm tired.

I just can't take it anymore.

Tim, what the fuck are you doing?

There's a situation here. They can't find Rand's body.

God damn it.

You want to go to Harvard?

You want a 4 .0?

I'm going to give you a fucking 4 .0.

We'll get through this together.

You know, it used to be that all you needed to get a good job in this country

was a high school diploma.

No, sir.

Then you had to have a college degree.

Not good enough.

Then it was a master's.

Hell, I don't even know what you can get after that.

But you know what the bottom line is, fellas? I mean, the real bottom line,

the liberal media will not tell you.

The human brain weighs the same today as it did 150 years ago.

Makes you think, huh?

Here's our boy.

How you doing, Mr. Mason?

Detective, where are you going in such a hurry?

Got finals to get to. Well, it can wait. We need to talk.

You want to take a ride in the car?

What, in this? No, I'm fine here. I'm going to be honest with you, Chris, all

right? I think.

No, correction.

I know you had something to do with Rand's death.

Excuse me. Have they found the body? No.

So it's not really a death. It's a missing person.

Now, why don't you tell us all those depressing books, videos, and CDs for

Hey, listen to me. I got three store fucking clerks that you bought the

motherfucker. We got receipts. One with your bank card. Now, how do you explain

that? He's clean.

Well, Tim ran out of cash.

Hey, his credit card got rejected, so I paid for everything. You're not lying to

him. Tim ran out of cash. Tim's father owns half this fucking state. Give me a

fucking break.

Hey, it's the truth. Why don't you go question Tim? What about the party? Tim

said you ran right after Ran, and no one ever saw you again.

He was lying.

What happened to this French girlie? She's not French. She's Canadian.

What the fuck is the difference, friend? She's French -Canadian, what I care.

She's from Toronto.

All your friends seem like they're committing suicide. I would get a little

of a complex with that. What did you do with Ran's body? Did you cut him up into

little fucking pieces?

You see a shriek?

Aren't we all? You cut her up? Yeah, that shrink must know something. Or

you fucking confessed to her. You're pretty set on getting into Harvard,

you? Well, it has crossed my mind. Why, are you gentlemen alumni?

That's real fucking funny, idiot. Do you smoke?

Were you guys concerned about my health all of a sudden?

Yeah? Well, hey, is this yours? You missing a fucking lighter? We found it

the cliff.

Why did you tell me that Rand was upset about Natalie being pregnant? We did an

autopsy. Natalie was not pregnant.

Look, are you guys gonna arrest me?

No, but as soon as we find that body, we will.

Right. What, are you a tough guy all of a sudden?

What, are you becoming a smart guy all of a sudden? You little fucking punk!

fucking punk! Give me pimps, prostitutes, anybody! You college kids!

You scum of the earth, man!

Relax, all right? Get out of here.

Fucking beat the shit.

Emma. Emma.

Chris.

Did you bring the tape? Yeah.

Why are we meeting out here?

Do you have the tape?

Here it is.

And it has everything on it, right? Yes.

To whom it may concern, I...

being of sound mind but broken spirit, have decided to take my own life.

There's no one to blame but a society that has pushed its youth too hard and

fast without ever giving them a parachute if they fail.

I'm sorry.

Be careful who you trust, Chris.

Space is facts.

Chris, your game's over.

You have one choice left.

You go out like a man or a big fat girl.

How are you?

I tried to snag some dignity out of this whole thing, huh?

You want me to kill myself, huh? Ran wasn't enough for you?

Would have been if we ever found the body, but semester's coming towards an

Grades are right around the corner.

I take the initiative.

You can respect that, right?

Emma does.

Hey, Tim.

We are all graduating together in prison.

It wasn't me. It was all her idea.

Chris, what did we do?

We killed Rand and Natalie.

I'm going to take responsibility for my actions.

Why'd you want to kill yourself?

I was depressed.

The whole thing with Natalie.

My grades sucked.

I just felt like my whole life was crumbling in front of me.

You thought killing yourself would solve all your problems?

I don't know.

I went back to the dorm and wrote that note.

I guess I just wanted everybody to feel sorry for me.

I swear I never knew all that shit was going to. What happened that night at

town?

Well, like I said, I was drunk.

I had this big fight with Natalie.

I hit Chris.

I know this is hard.

Thank you.

Anyway, there I was, all by myself on the cliff.

I don't even remember walking there.

I put the note in the bottle. I saw you go over the cliff.

Did you?

Then I started to think about my parents and my friends.

I mean, here I was about to kill myself.

I know I had problems, but did I really need to jump?

Stop.

I swear I'll shoot you.

What'd you do next?

I hitched a ride downtown to the butt date.

I acted like such an asshole at that party.

Couldn't face my friends after that.

Where'd you go?

I made my way down to West Palm Beach.

I have some friends down there.

I just hung out.

I always planned on coming back.

You left the suicide note behind.

I totally forgot about it.

I was wasted.

I can't believe what happened.

First Natalie.

One more step and I'll shoot all of you.

You don't want to do that.

Chris, put the gun down.

Chris, what are you thinking?

Look at your life.

You're not getting into Harvard.

Fucking your girlfriend.

Your roommates have been planning your death all semester.

Hmm. If I were you, I'd jump.

And then my roommate.

Jesus.

I must be cursed.

I know, I know. I shouldn't blame myself.

One more fucking step and I'll shoot you.

One.

Fuck you.

Come on, you big girl.

I thought you said you were going to shoot me, huh?

Well, shoot!

With friends like you, who wants to live?

I'll tell you the rest later. No, it's all right.

Get a few more minutes.

Why don't we see this through to the end?

It figures you'd shoot blanks.

That's cold.

Well, muchacho?

I think you've run out of options.

Well, I might have one left.

Really?

What the fuck are you doing?

Loading bullets into the gun.

Hey, Rand, how was West Palm Beach?

Unseasonably cold.

I told you, you should have gone to Las Vegas.

I don't like to gamble.

You gotta be fucking kidding me.

I'm really gonna miss that guy.

No, this isn't personal.

It's just business.

Hold on a minute. This is not happening.

Nobody ever liked you anyway.

I guess now we're really going to see how far you can push people.

Oh, I almost forgot.

You're suicide now.

Harvard's really not going to be the same without you. Yeah, we'll dedicate a

wing to you in the psych department.

Dick fuck.

You can't shoot me.

You morons. It's gotta look like a suicide.

Oh, fuck!

Hey, Emma.

Oh, my God.

Are you in?

Or are you out?

I assume the chancellor already told you about your option of taking the 4 .0.

Yeah.

It's weird.

Everybody thinks I killed myself and now I get a 4 .0.

Well, your roommate did commit suicide since you were never

legally declared dead.

You're still a registered student.

I didn't want to take it.

Chris and I talked about it for a long time.

It didn't seem right to take advantage of Tim's death like that.

What made you change your mind?

We talked to Emma.

You know Natalie's roommate?

Emma took the 4 -0.

We did an autopsy.

Natalie was not pregnant.

She explained to us that it's what Tim would have wanted.

You know?

We're all huntin' to go to Harvard grad.

Together.

Like he always dreamed of.

What are you gonna get your master, then?

Thinking about... drama.

We'll be right back.