Original subtitles

He said he wanted to look at me.

Really? Oh, my God, what's going to happen?

Oh, I didn't care. So he took this little flashlight and he went down under

sheets.

And I spread my legs really wide and let him look.

Oh, my God.

And what happened?

Okay, girls, that's definitely enough. It is time for bed.

And what is that?

It's an erect penis, Mrs. I can see that.

Well, things sure have changed since I was in school.

Yeah, you know, this stuff's all so complicated. All these erogenous zones

hormones and... I don't know. I don't think I'll ever get it.

You will. It'll come to you soon enough.

We all have to learn it.

Let's go. Chop -chop.

Tomorrow's a new day. Bye, Candy.

Can you help me get my stuff in here? Okay.

Oh, God.

I get so dizzy thinking about these things.

I guess I shouldn't think about this. I just better go to bed.

Looks like we're getting through.

It's getting thinner.

Hi, Sandy. How are you?

Wow,

I've seen you've invited some friends to visit.

Under your skirt.

Hey, do you mind if I join him?

Thanks.

What are you doing here?

Golly, that looks like a lot of work.

Yeah, it is.

It's the only way to get through.

What's in there?

What kind of air? You know what's in there. Come on.

Congratulations, Mike. You did it.

I'm through. I'm through, PJ. I'm actually through.

I never had dreams like that when I was young.

I think you should see someone.

An expert maybe, hmm?

A shrink?

You think I'm crazy?

No, I didn't say that, dear.

Well, what then?

I think you should see... Dr.

Thunderpussy. Dr.

Thunderpussy? That quack?

No, that's not true, honey. I saw her on the Oprah show and she's really quite

wonderful.

Come on, Mom. I'm your flesh and blood. I mean, what are your friends going to

say? I mean, I don't want to go and see her. She's not.

You know, I really don't think you realize, young lady, how very fortunate

are to have an appointment with me today.

I was just able to squeeze you in between my national TV engagements.

But your mother is such a wonderful, caring woman, I couldn't turn her down.

Say ah.

Ah.

You know, if you had a cleaner mind, you probably wouldn't have those dreams.

Breathe in.

Again.

All right, peaches, take your clothes off with this gown on.

Lie down and I'll be back in a minute.

Mm -hmm.

Time to check your girl things.

Little Miss Goody Goody.

Complete. You may get dressed.

Ah!

The physical body is only part of the whole being, Peaches.

I don't understand. Is there something wrong with me?

Physically, you're wonderful.

I mean, fine.

But what of your mind and spirit?

That's another story, isn't it, Peaches?

I don't know. I guess so.

You need spiritual.

Guidance.

I do?

Kali, I knew my dream meant something, but I had no idea.

Yes, you do. Spiritual guidance is the first step to nirvana.

It is?

Kali, Dr.

Thunderpussy, I didn't know that. I mean, but how do I find spiritual

and enlightenment?

Look for a sign, Peter.

a sign when I think of the wonderful glorious things you're going to

with a body like that soon one last bit of professional advice

don't be afraid to seize opportunity by the throat

venture not gain not spiritual

enlightenment peaches

I understand.

Yes, Lord.

I have sinned against you.

And I ask that you show merciful forgiveness for my crime.

A man may commit fraud.

He may consort with prostitutes.

A man may sin against his brothers.

A man may disgrace his life.

Yes.

The Lord will show himself.

In this desperate hour when we all need spiritual

guidance.

Spiritual guidance.

I'm going to make a very special request.

I'd like all of you out there who are watching the Bible Village Prayer Hour

kneel and pray with me and fall.

Would you begin by kneeling yourself?

No, no, no, no, dear. No, no, just for prayer, dear. For prayer out this way,

please. Show the world how we pray in the Bible. My

friends,

these have been very difficult times. You all know my

circumstances.

God gives me strength.

Without your help, I can't go on.

Without your help, even God can't go on.

It's your generous support.

Your generous support which allows us to do our work and God's work and holy

work again.

So I ask you, I hope Tanya, what?

How deep to go into your pocket.

Ask God for that knowledge.

But God tells you to send ten dollars.

Don't send five.

Don't show change, God.

Please call now.

While it's still time to do the work you so earnestly wish to do.

You may send your contributions to box, post office box at 1515

Bible Village, California.

Or you may call 1 -800 -LOVE -GOD.

We do take message.

American Express.

And if you act now, it will send you an actual

three -inch -high replica of the crucifixion plastic Jesus for your

or your rearview mirror.

Thank you.

And God willing, we'll see you all next week.

Seize opportunity by the throat.

That's exactly what I'm going to do.

Thank you. Thank you, everyone. That's a wrap.

So, uh... How was that at night, huh, babe?

Oh, you were fat, babe, but, uh... Got some bad news for you.

Iris?

In 60 minutes, the Department of Justice...

Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms, the local police,

and tent house magazine for me, and 600

angry parishioners for you.

All right, that's it.

We don't have time to fool around here anymore.

Pack your panties, honey. We're taking this show to South America. Come on.

We've got 20 minutes.

Chopper's going to land on Bible Village Lawn.

So hurry, come on.

Looks like it's all over, honey.

Who is it?

It's just me, Peaches.

Get out of here, kid. Can't you see we're in a hurry?

Yeah, but I saw you on TV and I came down here tonight all the way down here

see you.

Oh, you did, honey?

Yeah, I'm looking for guidance.

Spiritual guidance.

You're looking for spiritual guidance, honey.

Now, surely we have a moment to spare for a young child looking for spiritual

guidance. But the chopper.

All right. All right, now let me explain one thing. At the Bible village,

spiritual guidance always comes first.

It's our way of life, honey. You know that.

Our life will be behind bars if we don't get going now.

Hmm. She has a point there, honey.

Well, you have to work fast this evening if you're going to get spiritual

guidance in time.

So what you should do now is just relax.

That's it. All right, now just remove your panties. My panties? Yes, well,

trust me, honey. We don't have a lot of time. You understand what I'm saying?

Nanette, perhaps you could show the young lady, you know, the way we go

with Spencer and the spiritual guidance when we don't have a lot of time, honey.

I can't believe it. You see, honey, it's all right.

Close it down like that. Just wiggle it. And you just do the same, honey.

That's a girl.

That's a girl. Okay, now.

Now we have time for that.

We do have permission to land here.

Watch out over there on that curb.

Yes, sir. Telephone.

Telephone. Telephone.

Telephone.

Telephone. Telephone. Telephone.

Telephone.

Telephone.

See, we got the lights right on you, fella.

It's like medicine. We're here in July.

We're going to be out here just a bit.

We'll see if those lights aren't bothering us at all.

Billy Bob!

Billy Bob!

What the hell are you doing in there, fella?

Strange people.

Now where am I going to sleep tonight?

Would you like some more milk, Bobby?

No, then.

I just feel so awful that my teacher is gone.

And after that horrible dream that she had, I can only think of that nice lady

saw in Geraldo.

Thunder Pussy. That's an odd name.

It's Jewish.

Oh, maybe it's Swedish.

Would you like some more cake?

Oh, no.

Thanks. No.

Men are going to get to her. I just know it.

She's been sheltered. She doesn't know what it's like out there.

I don't want men to get her. What do you think you can do?

I don't know.

Well, we've just got to go and find her.

How?

I don't feel very good.

I know.

We'll wait for her letters.

Her letters?

Yes.

Bobby, I don't know what I would do without you.

I feel better already.

You work out, don't you?

Yeah.

And you're wearing those tight jeans.

I just noticed that.

Very, very nice.

Oh, wow.

Holy repose spiritual retreat.

Hi.

How are you?

Where did you come from?

Don't you know this is sacred property?

Well, no, I mean... Well, I think I'm lost.

What a strange thing to say.

Yes, it is.

Well, you're all here.

We're all right here.

Did you think you were someplace else?

Well, no, not really. I mean...

This is all very confusing.

Yes, it is.

Silly girl.

We would like you to join us for lunch.

Oh, that'd be great. And learn our prayer.

Nam -myoho -renge -kyo. Nam -myoho -renge -kyo. Nam

-myoho -renge -kyo. Nam -myoho -renge -kyo.

Dear Mom and Bobby, I'm now at the Holy

Repose Spiritual Retreat.

It's really neat here.

We grow our own vegetables and make our own bread.

And it's really spiritual.

I think I'll learn a lot here.

I'm gonna stay here for a while.

Yeah.

You feel good.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, uh -huh. I like that.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

You actually like that, yeah.

Oh,

that's Benjirober.

I'm going to get to her.

Mmm, yeah.

Kind of a long story.

That's all right. I have time.

Well, see, I'm kind of on a quest for spiritual enlightenment.

It's not going so well.

Well, do you need a ride?

Yes, please.

Okay, get it.

What do we have here? A chicken.

Bite? No.

He's really tame as a kitten.

Oh, wow.

This is my life. I'm taking care of Chica.

Yeah?

Until I found Otto.

Otto? Who's Otto?

Well, Otto is my man.

Yeah?

The fantastic man.

You know, you thought you told me before, you know? With the spiritual

enlightenment? Yeah, right.

He's very smart, and I think he would be very...

You know, you would get along together.

Yeah? Yeah.

Oh, great.

All right. So let's go.

Yeah.

Oh, boy.

Oh,

no. Otto is the one who changed my life.

Taught me the meaning of my internal polarity.

I'm really worried about Peaches.

She's never been away from home before.

If I may be so bold.

What is it, Bobby?

I just don't think you should be letting her run around and all. She's mature

for her age, but she still needs a mom's watchful eye.

You're right.

I'm going to go and find her.

I think we should go together.

What would your mother say about that?

She won't care.

As long as I'm with you.

Yeah.

Well, I could take good care of you.

So listen, why don't you run along and go pack some things. Don't forget your

toothbrush and your toothpaste and jockey shorts and bring along those

jeans, things like that. We'll leave this evening.

You must realize, as human beings, we are loath to fly.

Consisting approximately of 85 % water and 15 % bone.

And cartilage.

Now, you break that down into dollars and cents, you couldn't afford a very

cheap, very small bag of lawn fertilizer.

Oh, this is the place. Come on.

Quick, because, you know, it's a start.

Hiya, though.

Hi. I was told that this is where the realization session is.

Sit down.

Sit across from me.

Do not move.

Do not ask questions.

And do not interrupt.

You are late.

You have missed my proof that the flesh is worthless.

Yes, sir. I'm sorry.

Of course you are.

They're always sorry.

You see, class, life without ecstasy would be merely a series of petty

tribulations.

What would I tell you?

Oh, Doc, you are so enlightened.

Yes, I am.

Enough.

Tell me what you see.

Um... I see breath.

Very astute.

And what else do you see?

Arms and legs.

Genitals.

Genitals? Yes, Professor.

Genitals.

Let's explore those genitals.

You must experience the moist, mundane feelings.

of those genitals.

Touch each other.

Feel them.

Explore your orifices.

You must see that it's all merely flesh and bone.

Come here.

Who, me?

Yes, you.

I must feel your moist, mundane flesh.

And you must feel mine.

If we are to achieve true enlightenment.

Oh, well.

I don't think I can right now. I have to.

But you must respond.

Only the weak.

Do not respond to my ever -powerful polarity experience.

You are not willing it. You are inferior.

Sorry. Get out.

Get out of my class.

I have more time to give to my true students.

The true students that want to achieve.

My power my intellect my divine polarity experience

Are you ready for my enlightenment?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Oh.

All this driving.

I really think I'd like to loosen up before I go to bed.

Oh, I forgot my leotard.

Hey, wait. I'm here. Don't get undressed.

I am not getting undressed.

Yeah, I'll be completely covered by my undergarments.

You know, just because we're on the road doesn't mean I should forfeit a day of

working out.

You know, you could benefit from some of this yourself.

No, thanks. I'll watch TV.

You don't like what you see. I've hurt your eyes.

Please help me.

You know, you're traveling on the road in mixed company. You can't expect to

have total privacy.

I would have thought you'd have known that.

Besides, I don't expect to be embarrassed if I see you in your

I guess I could do a few jumping jacks.

I should say so.

You're feeling better already, aren't you?

Not a Barbie looking a little pale.

Keep an eye on that boy. It's pretty excitable.

Whoa!

What is that up there on the road?

Tough vision from God!

Good morning, young pretty.

My humble chariot is at your service.

Who, me?

Yeah, you.

My feet are killing me.

Well, just hop on in and take a load off. Thanks.

Hi. Hi. My name's Peaches.

Oh, excuse me, uh, pretty Peaches. My name is Jack.

Hi, Dad.

Hi.

Oh, God. You know, I'm on a search for a spiritual enlightenment right now.

Oh, what a coincidence.

I'm out and about after the same thing myself.

Really? Really.

Oh, wow. You know, I'd sure like to meet somebody who knows something about

this. Well, I tell you, spiritual enlightenment, that's where it's at.

some good shit. And I got a buddy who is really hip to the spiritual thing.

Really? Really.

Hello, Maximilian.

Ah, I got a young lady here looking for spiritual guidance.

Since I know you know all about that shit, being the holiest pervert I know,

I turn you on to it?

Yeah.

And that's all you have to do, my pretty peaches.

Follow my instructions and then you will obtain the spiritual guidance

that you seek.

Maximilian is the man.

And we've arrived, it seems.

Now go in there and remember that the key is in the ears, in the listening.

Listen to everything he says. And even more important, do everything he says.

Okay. Okay. And I will pick you up later.

I can start counting the gold any minute. That is a gold mine going in

Maximilian.

Yes, we remember her.

She joined us for supper one night. Yeah, I think she was the one that left

the morning with the chicken girl. Who?

Ah, the little French girl who delivers chickens to Chinatown.

dear mom hope you got my letter from the monastery things didn't

work out there but now my

education is just beginning i just

had my first

Peaches, honey. How'd it go?

Well, okay, I guess.

I'm not a virgin anymore.

What?

Gee, that rat.

He wasn't supposed to do that.

Maximilian was supposed to be a fan.

Well, I'm okay. I mean, it was fun and all. I guess it was about time I did

anyway.

But I don't think I found any enlightenment.

Well, no harm done then. We're not going to give up, are we?

Oh, no, I intend to seize every opportunity by the throat.

Ah, that spirit.

Look, I got this friend up in Chinatown who'll pay anything.

No, what I mean is, I know this guy up in Chinatown who is much holier than

Maximilian. He can show you the way to that, what do you call it, spiritual

enlightenment.

Okay, great.

You know, you gotta take every opportunity and choke it out of the

that what you said?

Yeah. Okay, let's go then. Okay.

Peach is going to be my all -time campaign money -making machine, Laurie.

But until I think of something, we're going to have to make some little itty

-bitty don't -mean -shit concessions. I don't know, Jack.

Maury, Maury, I need your help on this.

You have never seen a chick like this. I mean, she takes the cake.

What we gotta do is try to make you look a little bit more spiritual.

Wow.

Hold on to your shorts, honey.

Maury, I mean, Guru Ananda Maury, has consented to see you and give you

his secrets.

of spiritual enlightenment.

Really? This is it, baby.

He has?

Mm -hmm.

You mean a real guru?

Mm -hmm. No more phonies?

Mm -mm.

Oh, God, I can't wait.

This is going to be great.

I'm going to be going home to Mommy and Bobby soon. I'll be a better person, and

I won't have those awful dreams anymore.

Mm -hmm.

It's just like I told you, baby.

Mori, I mean Guru Ananda Mori, is real heavy duty.

You okay?

Oh, yeah, he's all right.

He's just in train.

I'll go over there.

Not the wrists, but... All this traveling has got me crazy.

I really need some of that to peel.

We don't have any glasses.

We don't need any glasses.

So what are we gonna do now?

Guess we'll have a little drink and then who knows

Over the lips past the tongue

look out stomach here it comes

Oh

I guess this is it, huh?

It could be.

Play your cards right.

What about... This will be our little secret.

Finally, enlightenment.

Yeah.

Oh, yes.

Oh. Oh.

Oh.

Yes,

I feel it.

Oh, take me, Maury.

Take me, I mean, take me, Guru and not a Marie.

oh oh

Oh, just getting a little exercise, honey.

What is this shit?

Maury, are you trying to pull a fast one? You guys are nothing but a couple

fakes. Ah, you will never get a chance to hoodwink me again, you scoundrel.

Peaches, I am so sorry for having exposed you to this charlatan.

Well, you should be.

I trusted you.

Oh, wait a minute, honey.

I'm never going to find enlightenment like this.

I'm really disappointed in Jack.

I think he took advantage of me.

That's okay. It's not his fault.

I just got to find this enlightenment thing so I can go home.

To my mom and Bobby and all my friends.

Damn, damn, the goose, the goose that laid the golden eggs.

Hey, baby.

Peaches.

Peaches. Come back here.

Now, what's that fool girl going to do next?

It's dangerous on these streets.

Piss on people and their houses?

What do you want?

What do you want?

I don't want shit.

You don't, huh?

What do you want, piss?

Why not?

Why do you want anything?

Huh? Want to piss on me?

Sorry. Gee, all right.

Way to wake up in the goddamn morning.

What are you doing here?

I hate everybody.

I mean, it's just, it's crummy. I mean, everyone I meet is just, like, motivated

by lust and greed and avarice, and it's just horrible.

You're right.

You're absolutely right.

They all suck.

I was better off before I started searching for enlightenment. I mean, I'd

better off home in my trailer watching soap operas. I hate soap operas. I hate

them.

What's up, Lee?

Come on, people. Y 'all ain't got no bumpers on your ass.

Sit.

I'm out here on business and these people fooling around.

Where can that girl be?

Lordy, lordy. Teachers.

Lady, get out of the road.

We need to start with this. And where did I get it? Here.

I don't drink.

You don't drink?

No. Oh, sue yourself.

I drink.

Well, on second thought, I... Don't spill it now. Take it easy.

That's a lot of bacon there. What is that stuff?

Yeah, feels good, don't it?

This will cure what it is.

I know, because I live on your stuff.

Let me have some more. You want something to eat?

Oh, God.

Actually, it's not too bad.

It tastes like grape juice with bite.

You like some bagel? Nah.

You know, when you're talking about people and how they're all full of stuff

poop and things, there's some friends of mine you ought to meet.

Yeah? They really like to hear that. If you come with me, I'm going to introduce

you. Some of the other people that live here. You know, there's Danny, Dante,

and there's the guy, Vito's potato rollie.

His daughter is Danny, yeah. And they just talk about that stuff all the time.

And they love to see something like you.

Because you're not, are those real?

Who's over here? Who are they? Over here, yeah.

Hey, Vito, how are you?

Danny!

Who's become our friend?

about the city.

There's always something going on.

Look at that crowd over there.

institutions. We don't need their lectures. We don't need their

We don't need shit.

We don't need shit!

You know why?

Because we don't need them. You know why?

Because the answers are inside of us.

Inside of us! Inside of us!

Inside of us. All we need is to love each other.

Hey! Hey, Peaches!

It's me!

I discovered that girl!

She's mine!

Peaches!

Peaches, I'm your agent!

I found that girl! 50 % of that girl!