Original subtitles

Grr!

What's wrong, Egghead? I'm going as slow as I can.

Uh...

Oh...

Yah! Yah!

If I want to destroy Sonic once and for all,

I'm gonna need physical abilities of my own!

Oh, how you gonna do that, boss? You're no biotechnician.

I'm looking for some books on biotechnology.

Actually, according to our records,

your library card has been revoked.

It says here you never returned a copy of

Savage Passions, Guatamañana Heat.

(Giggling)

That's preposterous! I've never heard of that book!

Even if I had read it, who'd believe that Eloise

would leave Juan‐Pablo for a billionaire?

Hey, Mister. You can use my library card, I betcha.

Aw, thanks, kid. People don't usually do nice things for me.

Not sure why. Ha! In your buck‐toothed face, Beaver!

There's like a million types of mutations.

And these books aren't very helpful on the subject

of which ones you should inflict upon yourself.

Oh, great! Another "to be continued!"

If I had a comic, I'd never end it like that.

Bruce Bandicoot was just a timid scientist

until a lab accident changed everything.

Struck by absurdly dangerous levels of purple rays,

he became... The Unenviable Clunk!

Finally, somebody put it in terms I can understand!

I'm about to expose myself to dangerous purple rays.

So stand back!

I don't wanna share my awesome new powers with you losers.

(Cackles)

I don't feel any different. Lousy piece of junk didn't work!

(Groans)

(Squeaks)

(Giggles)

(Giggles)

Hey!

(Groans)

Oh, my!

One Meh salad.

That's just a plate of shredded iceberg lettuce.

Oh, sorry. One premium Meh salad.

(Squeals)

(Giggles)

What happened last night? I can't remember a thing.

Just like my weekend in Casino Night Zone.

What happens in Casino Night Zone stays in Casino Night Zone.

After exposing yourself to purple rays,

you became agitated, which caused you to morph

into an adorable creature of some kind.

I followed the Clunk's origin story to the letter,

but it just turned me into some sorta B‐level cereal mascot!

If you can't trust comic books

for accurate representations of science, who can you trust?

Says here the effects of purple rays wear off

if one can last 48 hours without a transformation.

How hard can that be?

I just have to not get angry for two days. Easy peasy.

Just gonna pick up some delicious arugula,

then get back to the lair and wait out the 48 hours.

So, Egghead, why were your dunder‐bots

chasing that little purple dude?

You can't prove I had anything to do with that purple whatsit!

It is way above your skill level.

After all, you're no biotechnician.

(Laughter)

‐ Grr! ‐ Is it really that farfetched

that a mechanical genius such as Dr Eggman

could learn some new science skills?

‐ Eh, I don't buy it. ‐ Grr!

I'm a genius! You no‐good stinkin' muskrats make me so...

(Gasping)

(Murmuring)

‐ You OK, boss? ‐ Ugh!

‐ Guess my secret's out, huh? ‐ Don't worry.

We know about your toenail collection!

Not that! My other, slightly less shameful secret.

That you turn into a purple guy every time you get mad.

Don't worry, Eggman.

We'll handle this news with the utmost maturity.

Stop squirting yourself!

Hey, quit it! You're squirting me.

That's not even how this joke's supposed to work!

‐ (Laughter continues) ‐ Grr!

‐ Yeah! ‐ Woo‐hoo!

I'm sinking to all new lows bringing myself here.

Welcome to anger management!

You're teaching anger management?

Aren't you just a powder keg of emotions waiting to explode?

No! I'm the personification of serenity, you insensitive lout!

(Groans)

It's important to maintain your composure

even in the most frustrating of circumstances,

be it physical torture

or listening to a doddering old coot ramble on about nothing.

Please be torture, please be torture!

A lot's changed since I was a youth.

Back then, this City Hall wasn't even here.

It was across the street.

Of course, we didn't call it a City Hall then.

We called it the old gather‐round.

"Gather round the City Hall," we'd say!

Oh, I guess we did call it a City Hall.

Will you just get to the point, you boring old... ?

To be free of inner rage, one must clear one's mind,

centre one's chi, upload one's anger to the cloud, man.

(Snores)

Om. I am calm.

I am one with this hippie‐dippy mumbo jumbo.

And now, for the final test.

Hello, I'd like to schedule an appointment

to get my cable TV serviced.

Five weeks? That seems unreasonable,

but I've learned to accept that which I cannot control.

(Sniffs) Brava.

Well, well, well, if it isn't Purple McCutestuffs.

(Chuckling)

The most adorable villain‐willain

in the whole village‐willage.

Yes, he is! Yes, he is!

Hello, my dear nemeses. Lovely day, isn't it?

Won't you lose your temper?

I have moved beyond such trivial things.

What if I do... this?

Not touchin' ya! Not touchin' ya!

Thank you for not touching me. I appreciate your restraint.

Now, if you'll excuse me...

(Whistles unconcernedly)

Om. Om.

Kudos, Dr Eggman. Only 15 more minutes

until the effects of the purple ray wear off.

Nothing's going to stop me now.

‐ (Knock on door) ‐ Oh, good!

A last‐minute complication.

Hey, mister. I felt bad that everyone was teasing you,

so I made you cookies.

Well, isn't that the sweetest... ?

I ran out of baking soda, so I used toothpaste.

(Gulps hard)

(Giggles)

Gee whiz! I love science stuff.

Hey, mister, what's this button do?

That's my subatomic annihilator.

It's so good to see young people take an interest ‐

‐ And what's this one do? ‐ Well, there's a funny story

‐ behind that. When I... ‐ And how about this one?

Don't touch that one!

Aaah!

Oh, man! She fell down the garbage chute!

Cubot, go in after her!

‐ Ouch! ‐ Great!

Not even my most svelte robot can squeeze in there.

And that trash compactor's gonna turn on any minute now!

There's only one guy I know who can fit through that chute,

but to summon him I'm gonna need to get angry.

Orbot, insult me!

Tell me everything I create is a failure!

Oh, that's not true. You have lots to be proud of.

That's sweet, but not helpful.

Hang on, kid! I'll think of something!

Gotta get angry.

Uh, OK. I'll have two double Meh Burgers,

extra pickles on one, an order of lightly fried Humdrum Rings,

and a large cola, half diet, half regular,

light on the ice, and hurry!

No way he gets this right.

Once he screws up, I'll be on a one‐way trip to rage town!

But this is exactly what I ordered!

A broken clock's bound to be right twice a day.

By the way, do you have the time? My clock's broken.

Oh, Sonic, great! Make fun of me!

Listen, Eggman, I know I was harsh on you the other day.

‐ I'm sorry. ‐ No, no! No, no, no, no!

You're not sorry. You... you think I'm a buffoon!

A joke! A yellow‐bellied MomBot's boy!

I don't mean to rush you,

but the trash‐compactor walls are closing in.

Help me, mister!

I finally wanna get angry, and I can't!

Now that little girl's gonna get pancaked!

Why can't I get angry? Why? Why? Why?

It makes me so mad!

Don't worry. I heard the whole thing.

Let's book it! Come here, you.

Mister! I'm getting squooshed, I'll bechta!

Aaah!

Booyah!

Thank you, thank you, thank you, Mr Purple Doctor Thingie!

‐ Hey, uh, I helped too. ‐ Want a cookie?

Oh! Ugh!

Om.

You're doing good, Eggman.

Just free your mind of all distractions.

Soup's on, boss!

‐ Whoa! ‐ Grr!