Original subtitles

Grr!

This has got to be our most dastardly scheme yet!

Yeah! Petty vandalism is one thing,

but hurling month‐old fruitcakes?

That's some next‐level villainy. Fire!

Whoa!

(Groans)

Anyone else up for a snack?

Remember, pinkies out!

Oh, where are my manners?

Ten minutes of prep and 45 minutes of baking

in a 350‐degree oven down the drain!

You know, losing our 80th consecutive battle

makes me wonder if we're cutting the mustard as supervillains.

Maybe we need a new vocation,

something that plays to our strengths!

What are our strengths?

We look good in matching outfits?

Hey, hey, that's great! What can we do with that?

(Laughter and cheering)

That's turkey, baby!

Three strikes in a row for the Lighting Bowler Society.

Eat it, One‐Percenters!

However will we deal with the agony of defeat?

How about we go for a swim in our riches? To the money bin!

We're unstoppable!

That's because you've never played against the Pin Dashers!

It's a play on "Spin Dash" in case you couldn't figure it out.

(Cheering)

(Cheering)

(Frustrated cry)

(Cheering)

I lost! I want a rematch!

Any time, anywhere! Well, not anywhere,

it'd have to be at the bowling alley. But any time.

Not Tuesday nights. I got spin class.

And not this weekend. Gotta shave my mom's back.

It's kind of a lengthy process.

And not in the past. That already happened.

Let's just say a week from next Thursday.

You're on!

It's my honour to present the newest item

on the Meh Burger menu,

The Lighting Bowler Beef Bowl!

Oooh!

What an honour... despite the terrible name, and flavour,

and the fact that it has no actual beef

and the bowl is a plate.

A fast food tie‐in? Those things never work!

I can't wait to burst their bubble next Thursday.

Don't worry, Sonic. No one takes them seriously.

Will you sign my beef bowl? Make it out to Staci.

I'm your biggest fan, Mr Tree Spy.

Please call me by my true name, The Chameleon.

After all, I am a master of disguise.

I've got a whole closet full of tree costumes.

(Giggles)

I'm here with the Village's hottest new stars,

The Lightning Bowler Society.

(Cheering)

Everyone has their favourite, whether it's the sneaky one...

‐ Yeah! ‐ ..The geeky one...

‐ Whoo! ‐ ..the cute one...

(Shrieking)

..or the overweight, middle‐aged walrus one.

I gotta work on my branding.

For the young couple, two Lightning Bowler Beef Bowls

with extra flavour packets.

‐ Wow, Dave really hooked us up. ‐ Of course he did.

Dave knows they'd be nothing without you.

‐ He's buttering you up! ‐ Nah,

they've not used butter in years.

‐ I think it's petroleum jelly. ‐ Face it,

your so‐called teammates are holding you back.

Ha, ha! Yeah!

Sonic, we've been practising all day.

‐ Can we go home now? ‐ It's what they want us to do!

Can't you see? They're playing mind games, man!

We can't let 'em win. We have to win!

What's taking the Chameleon so long? If we don't leave soon,

Sonic will think we're forfeiting the big game.

(Door opens)

Don't worry, don't worry. Your cedar saviour has arrived!

You're late! We had to polish our bowling balls without you.

It's just awkward with three.

The Chameleon commands respect.

You'd all be nothing without him.

We got the Meh Burger endorsement deal thanks to me!

Slow your roll, nerd patrol.

Without my charisma we'd be Nowhereseville!

Hello? Who stole our bowling balls in the first place?

‐ Right here! ‐ I guess Staci was right.

You are all jealous my foliage is reaching new heights.

Grr! If a tree falls in an evil hideout, does it make a sound?

Let's find out!

Where are those Lightning Losers?

We can't bowl them into oblivion if they're not here!

The Chameleon has an announcement!

‐ Who the heck's the Chameleon? ‐ I am. I am the Chameleon!

Makes sense. He does have a lot of disguises.

Oak Tree, Walnut Tree, Maple Tree, Weeping Willow...

‐ The Chameleon is now solo. ‐ Now you're Solo? Pick a name!

The Lightning Bowlers have disbanded.

We'll be pursuing our own careers. Come, Staci.

But if you don't... then we can't... and I won't...

We have to get the Lightning Bowlers back together.

Folks, you're gonna wanna pick up the phone.

I've got a beautiful pair of bowling‐ball earrings!

These are genuine lane‐used, 16‐pound bowling balls.

And now my producer's telling me... What's that?

Oh, no, we can't!

This is lunacy, people!

If you call in the next 90 seconds,

we're going to throw in a free set of steak knives!

‐ Call now! ‐ And... we're out!

Great job, Willie.

But is this really why I got into bowling?

Why not get back together with the team?

Did they send you? Do they want to roll again?

Uh... because I might be willing to take a meeting.

‐ (Crash) ‐ Ow.

Say, mister, I want a Lightning Bowler Beef Bowl, I betcha.

Actually, they've been rebranded as "Dave the Intern Beef Bowls".

Never mind.

Oh...

I'll have a Dave the Intern Beef Bowl,

on one condition, you meet with your former teammates.

I don't know.

Things are going pretty well for ol' Dave the Intern.

Say, you don't know anyone who can recommend a dumpster service

to dispose of 13,000 uneaten beef bowls, do you?

I'm asking for a friend.

Meet the town's newest bowling stars.

So, does your team have a name?

Weasel Bandit and the Weasel Bandits!

Hey, how come you get top billing?

Oh, hello, fellow bowler. Fancy seeing you here... in your home.

(Cheering)

So, Chameleon, we heard you wanted to talk to us?

He doesn't want anything to do with you.

‐ His solo career's going great! ‐ Not as good as mine!

Ever since we slashed the price of beef bowls,

they're selling like hotcakes!

Not that our hotcakes are selling, 'cause they're not.

Well, I sold 300 bottles of ball wax yesterday!

Looks like we're all doing just fine without each other.

No, no, no, you're all doing terribly!

Get back together and bowl against me!

Sonic, while you were worrying about your bowling legacy,

I've been conceiving my most brilliant, evil plan yet!

This old bot again? Why can't you build something new?

You know how much it costs to build new robots every week?

I'm trying not to go over budget!

It doesn't have to be exactly the same.

‐ Try thinking outside the bot. ‐ That was pretty clever.

Gimme a sec while I think of a comeback.

Remember when we talked trash like that?

Oh...

‐ Those were the days. ‐ We were never great villains,

‐ but at least we were happy. ‐ Maybe we should reunite.

But not as bowlers, as evildoers!

Yeah!

‐ What are you doing? ‐ Sorry, Staci,

but this Chameleon never changes his colours!

Come on, boys! Let's go lose a battle!

Yeah! (Battle cries)

What? No! You get out of here!

You're ruining everything!

This isn't over, Sonic!

OK, maybe it is over. But I'll be back!

So, now that you guys are back together,

hows about that rematch?

Oh, please. I need this so bad.

Not a chance.

Sure, being the best bowlers in town brought us fame,

respect and endorsement deals, but it cost us our friendship.

Yeah. Only villainy unites us now!

Well, in that case...

We might have never beaten them at bowling,

but here on the battlefield, I win every time!

Also, I totally would have beaten them at bowling!