Original subtitles

I just saw Kathy naked.

It was like torture.

If we go to war and you're captured, you're in for a surprise.

It keeps getting worse.

I'm in love with my roommate's girlfriend.

Every time we're in the same room, there's weird energy between us.

Call me crazy, but I think she likes me too.

And now I have seen her naked.

At least with her clothes on...

...I could imagine her body was covered in boils.

But there are no boils. She's smooth.

Smooth!

Wow...

Could you see up his robe?

- Oh, my God. - Yeah.

- Here you go. - I'll call you.

Great.

Hey, hey. Who was that?

Casey. We're going out tonight.

Going out? Wow.

It didn't work out with Kathy? Bummer.

No, things are fine.

I'm having a late meal with her after an early one with Casey.

- What? - Yeah.

The craziest thing is, I just ate a whole pizza myself.

Wait...

- You're going out with Kathy. - Yeah.

Why are you upset?

Well, I'm upset...

...for you.

Sex with an endless line of women must be unfulfilling.

What's the big deal? It's not like we're exclusive.

Look, Joey.

Kathy's not fulfilling your emotional needs.

But Casey...

Granted, I just saw the back of her head.

But I got this sense that she's smart and funny...

...and gets you.

You got all that from the back of her head?

It's time to settle down.

Make a choice. Pick a lane.

Who's Elaine?

Little Tony Tarzan

Swinging on a nose hair Swinging with the greatest of ease

I don't know the next verse.

You could just go:

Greatest of ease

Ba-ma-na-ma-na-ma...

Then go right into it.

I like that.

How do you know about "ba-ma-na-ma-na-ma"?

You know, I used to play.

That's right. The keyboards?

A little in high school. I got into it in college.

That's when I really found my sound.

Juice just came out of my nose, but it was worth it.

Oh, my God.

- I completely forgot about your sound. - Yeah.

He'd lock himself in the basement.

No one was ever allowed to hear "the sound."

I want to hear "the sound."

No, I mean, I haven't played in so long.

Well, it's really personal stuff.

Play that funky music, white boy.

- Yeah, come on. - No, you guys.

My keyboards are all the way... Yeah, okay.

Okay, guys.

All right. Bring it on, you.

Here we go.

You know, I've never played my stuff for anyone before.

It's important that you understand...

...it's about communicating...

...very private emotions.

You know...

You should think of my work...

...as wordless sound poems.

- That's what... - My God, play.

Well, you know, that was...

...terrific.

Really...

...bitchin'.

Wow. It was so wow.

Really?

Yeah. I mean, you should play in public.

Wow, thanks, you guys. That's...

I want to play you another piece.

Oh.

I left my helicopter sounds on another disk. I'll be back.

This is so nice. I mean, I am so...

God bless my dad for soundproofing the basement.

I can't believe I ever let him touch me with those fingers.

What are you guys talking about? I loved it.

It was so moving.

It's so different from the stuff you usually hear.

You mean, music?

I know what you think.

Yes, yes, your breasts are just as firm and juicy.

Come in.

Hey.

Oh, God. Is that Baywatch?

Yes, but I just watch it for the articles.

So is Joey around?

No, he's not back yet.

Come in, have a seat. Bow or stern?

I don't have a preference. You?

I like it in the stern.

Of the boat.

Hello.

It's me. Casey and I had a little car trouble.

- What happened? - We broke down.

I have to get transmission fluid.

Tell Kathy that I'm sorry and I'll be there soon.

- Why can't you tell her? - I think my time is about to...

Joey? Joey?

Yeah?

I thought your time ran out.

Me too, but I guess I do have...

Joey's running a little late, and he says he's sorry.

I guess it's just you and me, then.

Oh.

- Okay. - Yeah, I think it is.

So what'd you do today?

I had an appointment to cut my hair.

- Looks great. - And then it got canceled.

I could cut it.

Really?

Yeah, I learned at my aunt's dog-grooming shop. What do you say?

Dog grooming?

Don't make my tail too poofy.

You have really great hair.

Oh, thanks. I grow it myself.

Joey also has great hair.

Yes, Joey has great hair.

I'm basically done here. Let me get this hair off your neck.

What are you doing?

Checking if it's even.

Okay.

Looks good.

The phone! The phone's making sounds.

- Hello. - Hey, dude, it's me.

Hey, it's Joey.

It looks like we'll be stuck here.

I got the fluid. The transmission wasn't there.

- What? - It fell out.

I just figured we hit a dog.

Okay.

Could you put Kathy on? I want to apologize to her.

It's Joey.

Hey...

No, it's fine. Don't worry about it.

Yeah, no, stop apologizing. It's okay.

I'll talk to you tomorrow.

- I should probably go. - Yeah.

Yes. Yeah...

I forgot my purse.

Oh...

I really did. I forgot my purse.

- This is bad. It's bad. - Horrible.

Wait, the kiss or the situation?

The kiss was good.

- But that's bad. - Here's what we do.

- We forget it. - What?

We swallow our feelings, even if we're unhappy forever. Sound good?

Can you really do that?

I have to. He's my best friend.

And you're seeing him.

Chandler, I like Joey a lot.

But with you...

No, don't. Don't, see?

You're getting me confused. I'm starting to yearn.

I'm sorry.

If you want to pretend that nothing happened, I can try.

I think we have to.

Okay.

- Bye. - Bye.

Are you still out there?

No.

Electrifying

Infinite time

There's a Starbucks about three blocks down.

He's so inspired. Just look at him. Look at him go.

Thank you very much.

Hey, aren't you up next?

- I'm not playing tonight. - Why not?

I can't follow Ross.

It'd be like those poor bicycle-riding chimps...

...who had to follow the Beatles. No.

Phoebe. Ross sucks.

The place has emptied because of him.

My God, he's not even appreciated in his own time.

I'd give anything to not be appreciated in my own time.

Okay. Phoebe...

You suck too.

Yeah, Phoebe.

You're awful.

You guys.

You suck too.

Man. I can't believe I locked myself out again.

Hang on, buddy.

My God. What happened?

- Did you do all this? Why? - I sure did.

It made me feel good to do something nice for my friend.

You're amazing.

No, this is amazing.

A TV appears from nowhere.

The dream.

How did you afford all this?

I'm 29. I mean, who needs a savings account?

You're the best friend anyone has ever had.

I don't know.

No, you are.

You do this, you give me advice...

What you said about focusing on one woman?

I'll do that.

With Casey?

I'll see how things go with Kathy. She's cool.

- Or Casey. - No, Kathy.

Could be Casey.

No, Kathy.

Consider Casey.

I think somebody's got a little crush on Casey.

I'll fix you two up. What do you think?

That all the pieces of my life are falling right into place.

- Hey. - Hey.

You were really great. You were really, really great.

Thanks.

Monica tells me you don't want to play anymore because of me...

...and, you know, my talent.

Is that true?

- Well, kind of, yeah. - Pheebs...

I was trying to be really okay and upbeat about it...

...but I just feel so dwarfed by your musical gift.

See, but...

Pheebs, that is the exact opposite intent of my music.

You know, my music is meant to inspire.

If it bothers you this much...

...then I won't play anymore.

No, don't do that.

How could I live if I knew I was depriving the world of your music?

Yeah, okay.

Hey, Chandler. Saw the new furniture. Very nice.

Joey has the best boyfriend ever.

I kissed Kathy.

What? Are you serious?

- Does Joey know? - No.

Is there any way you think he will understand this?

You obviously haven't screwed over your friends.

Which we all appreciate.

If you'd told him how you felt before you kissed her...

...knowing Joey, he'd have stepped aside.

Don't say that. That's not true, is it?

- Yeah. - He loves you.

Then why didn't you tell me to do that?

I said something to Phoebe.

And I thought it was a really good idea.

- Yeah, I remember. - Oh, my God.

What am I going to do?

You'll have to tell him.

Why do I have to?

- Because you do. - Yeah, I know.

Would it be okay if I wrote a song about this?

- Hey. - Hey.

Sambuca Margarita?

It that a real thing?

Well, we only had sambuca, so it is now.

Listen, Joe. I need to...

I need to talk to you.

What's up?

It's about Kathy.

I like her.

I like her a lot, actually.

You do?

Yeah.

Your timing couldn't be better.

She's not my girlfriend anymore.

What?

- Yeah, she broke up with me. - When?

Just now, after acting class.

I thought she was doing some scene, so I let people watch.

Man, I am so sorry. Are you okay?

I've been better, but I'm all right. So you like her?

Yes, but I don't have to.

No, it's okay.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

You know why? Because you came to me first.

I thought that would be the best thing to do.

You might have your work cut out for you.

When I talked to her, I got the feeling she's into some other guy.

See, that's actually what I wanted to talk to you about.

I think I know who the other guy is.

Who?

It's me.

I'm the other guy.

What?

When you were late last night, Kathy and I got to talking...

...and one thing led to another, and...

And what? Did you sleep with her?

No, I just kissed her.

What? That's even worse.

- How is that worse? - It's the same.

There's nothing I could do. I'm in love with her.

Who cares?

You went behind my back? I'd never do that to you.

I have no excuses. I was totally over the line.

You're so far past the line, that you can't even see the line.

It's a dot to you.

Yes.

Yes, right. And I feel horrible. You have to believe me.

Is that why you bought all this?

You know what?

I will not watch your TV.

I won't listen to your stereo.

And there's a loaf in the new bread maker I won't eat. Know why?

Because...

It's all tainted with your betrayal.

This apartment is empty to me. I'm not happy about you, either.

And just so you know...

...I made that bread for you.

Oh, my God. He's totally lost it.

What?

Phoebe. This cannot get any worse.

Rats in the basement are hanging themselves.

Thank you. Thanks.

I lost it.

I won't play anymore.

Would you... Can you finish my set?

After that? Yeah.

No, I mean, if I can help.

Like I could lose it.

- What? - I played bad on purpose, guys.

- Oh. - Oh.

You were playing bad this whole time.

Just that last song.