Original subtitles

Hello!

What's this?

Oh, right! It's that girl's phone number.

There it is. Just a phone number...

...a really hot girl gave me.

No big deal. I mean, it is her home phone number but...

Whoa!

Whoops! Heh. Almost lost this baby!

The lovely Amanda gives me her number, and I go and drop it.

Thank you.

- Rachel? - Yeah?

- When's your birthday? - May 5th. Why?

I'm making a list of birthdays.

- Mine's December... - Yeah, whatever.

Oh! She's pretty!

Pretty, uh, pretty girl. The pretty... She's pretty.

- Go ask her out. - Ha, ha.

- What's the worst that could happen? - I could die.

Yeah, it's tough being single.

That's why I'm so glad I found Amanda.

Ross, you guys went out once.

You took your kids to Chuck E. Cheese, and you didn't even kiss her.

I tell people secrets.

It makes them like me.

Hey.

Phoebe.

You're sick. You shouldn't play. Go home.

But I'm unemployed.

My music is all I really have now.

Well, music and making my own shoes. Pretty, huh?

All right, I'll do it.

I'll go get shot down.

Any advice?

Just be yourself...

...but not too much.

Wish me luck.

Good luck!

Wish it!

Hi. I was just sitting over there and...

Uh, my name's Chandler. Did I say that?

No, you didn't. Hi, I'm Kathy.

- Kathy with a K or a C? - With a K.

Hey!

Wow, you are really good at this!

I'm out on a limb here!

I'm sorry. You're right.

But I should tell you I'm waiting for a date.

And there he is now!

- Hey! - Hey!

- Hey! Hey! - Hey!

- I see you guys already met. - Yeah.

I was trying to demonstrate...

...how I could get my very large feet...

...into my even bigger mouth.

Didn't I tell you?

Always showing off.

Before I start, I want to say that I have a cold.

So if I sneeze during a song, it's not on purpose.

Oh! Except the last verse of "Pepper People."

Smelly cat, smelly cat

What are they feeding you?

This chick sounds good.

Smelly cat

Gunther, be a good little boy and bring me a whiskey.

- Hi. - Hi.

At 2:30 a.m., I didn't expect to fight over the remote.

Sorry, there's this Ernie Kovacs thing I wanted to watch.

That's why I got up too.

You're kidding? I love him!

Sorry about this afternoon. If I'd known, I wouldn't have...

Oh, please. Heh.

Joey tells me you two met in acting class.

We were partners. Joey picked three scenes for us.

- All of them had us making out. - Ha-ha-ha.

That's good, because he used to make me rehearse with him.

- Oh, oh, oh! - Is it on?

No, but this wonder broom is amazing!

Hey!

Oh, my God!

Oh! It's on!

Here we go, little fella.

What about the duck?

- The duck can swim. - Of course.

My sticky shoes

My sticky, sticky shoes

Why you stick on me?

Baby

Thanks for the lights, honey.

Way to go!

Your cold makes you sound great.

It's fun. God, I love how sexy I am!

Kath, we should get going. We're going to buy hamsters.

- Aw. - I love them.

No, it's not like that. I work for a medical researcher.

- Have fun. - Okay.

It's nice that the medical community...

...is trying to help sick hamsters.

- You know, I like Kathy. - Yeah?

Me too! She's so cool and pretty.

She is.

She's smart and funny.

We were up all last night talking. She said the funniest thing about...

What?

You love her.

No, I don't.

Yes, you do. Chandler loves Kathy.

- Come on, just lay off him. - Thank you.

He's a little sensitive right now because he's so in love!

All right.

Ooh, Kathy!

Kathy, I love you!

I need to write some depressing stuff for my new bluesy voice.

But nothing sad has ever happened to me.

How about your mom dying?

Or living on the streets when you were 14?

Uh-huh.

I could write about when my hair did that woo-hoo thing.

- Hey. - Hey.

I'm going over to Amanda's tonight.

- Rachel's not here. - Oh.

How's it going with her?

Great, actually. I'm thinking tonight may be the night.

The kids will play together, and when they're asleep...

...Amanda and I break open a bottle of wine...

...do a little playing ourselves.

Hi, guys! This is Josh.

Josh, these are my friends.

And that's Ross.

- Hi, Josh. - Hi.

Dudes.

You played in college?

Aw, I still do. Next year, I hope to make varsity.

Didn't you play soccer in high school?

No, wait. You organized their game schedules on your Commodore 64.

It's getting late. I got to get to the game, so I'll... head.

I'll miss you.

Dope!

Wow! Cute one.

- Very cute. - I know. Isn't he great?

So nice to finally be in a fun relationship, you know?

There's nothing boring about him.

I bet he's never set foot in a museum.

Maybe he'll get to go soon.

Like on a class trip or something.

You know what else is great about him?

Ugh, what's the word for an adult...

...who has no dinosaur toys in their bedroom?

Oh...

What was that?

Monica knows.

It's this dumb thing Ross made up to fool our parents.

It's a way of giving the finger without actually giving it.

I cried the night you made that up.

It was the first time I realized I was cooler than my big brother.

I'm going to go get ready...

...for my date tonight...

...so I'll just head.

I should go too. I'm playing in one hour.

Hey...

You guys should come hear me. Ooh!

Hear me. Ooh!

My sticky shoes

Ew! Ew!

I lost my sexy phlegm!

- Hi. - Hi. Hi, Ben.

- You look great! - Thanks.

Yeah, okay...

Hey, Tommy!

I'm so glad you could come tonight.

Oh, no. It's my pleasure.

My cell phone number is on the counter.

Help yourself to the fridge.

I appreciate this. I've been trying to date...

...this guy for a month.

I...

Uh, I'd appreciate it if you'd drink your wine...

...after the kids are asleep.

Oh, uh...

Thanks for this. I hope I can do the same for you sometime.

Who wants to make some long-distance calls?

Kathy! Kathy!

Hi, Kathy! Kathy!

Kathy!

Fetch! Fetch it!

Kathy! Kathy!

Kathy!

Hey. Chandler, what are you doing here?

I just wanted to say, "hey!"

- Hey! - Okay.

You're making it sound worse than it was.

Her date tipped me $10!

What are you doing?

I want to be sexy again, so I'm trying to catch a cold.

Should be easy. They're pretty common.

You'll catch pneumonia!

You were right. I'm in love with Joey's girlfriend.

- What? - Are you serious?

How's that possible? You barely know her.

I don't know. I just...

I can't get her out of my head.

I'm a very bad person. I'm a very, very bad person.

I'm a horrible person.

"No, you're not. We still love you, Chandler!"

Phoebe, I think I caught your cold.

You mean you stole it!

Don't cover your mouth when you do that!

Hey.

We were just talking about you.

Really?

The time you got drunk and fell asleep...

...with your head in the toilet.

Right in there!

Ninety-nine...

...a hundred. Ready or not, here I come!

Let's go over the concept one more time.

- Hey! - Hey!

You want to get some dinner with me and Kathy tonight?

Oh, um... You know what? I already ate.

- It's 4:30. - I had a big meal on Monday.

So that'll get me straight through the week.

I see what's going on here.

- You do? - Yeah.

You don't like Kathy.

You got me.

You've been avoiding her since we started dating.

I made an effort to like Janice.

Now you make an effort to like Kathy by going out with us. Right?

- Yeah, right. - Good. And hey, my treat.

Because you're not eating, right?

Right.

Ross isn't here.

Oh. Stop it!

I'll see you at the party?

Beer's fear, man! 24/7!

Yeah!

I am so going to marry that guy.

- Ugh! - What?

I think he's stealing from me.

Why?

Because he's stealing from me!

- Hi, it's me. - Hi.

And soup.

I saw Josh. He looked yummy in your leather jacket.

I don't eat chicken, so it's just noodle soup.

There's no chicken in the broth, so it's really noodle water.

- Thank you so much. - Sure.

What are you doing?

I need your germs. I want my cold back.

I miss my sexy voice.

Sorry, Phoebe.

It's okay.

- How's the soup? - Mm.

Oh! Check it out! You can see that girl's underwear.

- Is she great, or what? - Ha, ha.

Huh? What do you think?

She's not really my type.

Not your type? She's gorgeous.

You know what it is? The fishnet stockings.

Whenever I see a girl in those, it reminds me of...

...my father in fishnet stockings.

Understanding a little more of why you're single.

I have a friend you'd like. We could double date.

No, thanks.

I've got some ugly friends who are available too.

I'm going to grab a beer.

I'll be right back.

- What was that? - What?

Kathy's being really nice and you walked away.

What do you want from me?

I want you to like her.

If that's too damn difficult, then at least you could pretend.

I am pretending.

Then do it better.

What do you say, I go tell her how much I like her?

I could tell her I've been thinking of her.

I haven't stopped thinking of her since we met.

I'm so over-the-top, want-to-slit-my-own-throat...

...in love with her, that every minute...

...I can't believe my own damn bad luck that you met her first!

That's pretty good.

But you might want to tone it down a little.

Hey. Uh, Amanda just dropped me off.

That's one of the things I love about her.

She's old enough to drive.

You're not going to Mom and Dad's tonight?

No. Sorry.

Where's Amanda?

Get me some cough drops.

I'm thinking you could bring her...

...and go to your old room and not make out.

Cough drop, please?

At least she's not going out with me...

...to get into R-rated movies.

Why don't you marry her?

Wait, you can't! I forgot. She's not a lesbian.

Amanda and I...

You have nothing!

You're not even going out! You're her babysitter.

You have a 12-year-old girl's job!

Oh, that is so sad.

What are you laughing at, Miss My-keg-sucking-boyfriend...

...- is-stealing-from me?

So he stole a few bucks. Big deal!

He got me something with it.

That's mine!

Would you both please start acting like adults?

And give me my cough drops!

- Fine. - Sorry.

- Here. - Thank you.

At least I made $10 in my relationship.

You know...

Parading goats are parading

Parading down the street

Parading goats are parading

Leaving little treats

Does it even work without my sexy voice?

I like it.

- Gunther, kiss me. - What?

Do it, Deputy! Do something!

Hey!

We aren't exactly sleeping in here, but do you mind?

Can I sleep on your couch?

And I'm still waiting

For my papier-mâché man

Thank you, my babies.

- Rachel? - Yeah?

Did you hear what happened between me and Phoebe?

- No. - We kissed.

I didn't initiate it, but I also didn't stop it.

I've been feeling guilty.

Okay

So, um...

...are we cool?

Okay.

I knew you would understand.