Original subtitles

So whose idea was it to put everybody in the diner on skates?

Some idiot customer put a suggestion in the suggestion box.

- Oh, my God. They took my idea. - That was you?

Yeah.

Okay, there you go.

Rachel, I made you a cocoa.

Oh, that's so... Aah!

Ow!

- Oh, my God. Are you guys okay? - You all right?

Oh, my.

Hey.

You know, with that goatee, you kind of look like Satan.

Oh, so that's why the priest threw holy water on me.

Okay, listen, you have to cheer up.

Okay? You should come out with Ross and me.

I mean, anything is better than sitting around here crying all day about Kate.

Hey, I was crying because...

Because nobody believed Quincy's theory, okay?

- Hey. I'm gonna be on TV. Hey.

- No way. Yeah.

They're putting together this panel to talk about these fossils they found in Peru.

The Discovery Channel's gonna film it.

Oh, my God. Heh. Who's gonna watch that?

- Thanks. You ready to go? Yeah.

Ahem, I saw a girl with that vest.

Thanks.

- Most of us think of chocolate bunnies and baskets as traditional Easter gifts.

Some people insist on giving live chicks as presents.

Unfortunately, the sad fact remains...

...that most of these little guys won't live to see the Fourth of July.

Because as a result of improper care, they will be dead.

You guys got any of those baby chicks?

Because I was watching this, uh, commercial on TV...

...and, man, those things are cute.

- Hi. Hi.

Oh, Pete, you're back. Hey, check this out.

Wow. Skates. Ha, ha.

Whoa.

Wow. You're a lot sturdier than Chandler. He crumbled like a piece of paper.

So how was your trip?

- Well... - Oh, what did you bring me?

Aw, hotel toiletries from Japan. Oh.

These are gonna go in my permanent collection.

- You want some coffee? - Sure, that'd be great.

Okay.

- Regular or decaf? Ha, ha.

- Uh, whichever's closest. All right.

- Okay. - So ask me what I did today.

So, what did you do today, Pete?

I bought a restaurant, and I would like you to be the chef.

What? Oh.

Can you believe he just offered me a restaurant?

What a jerk. You want me to kick his ass?

I mean, this has been my dream since I got my first Easy-Bake Oven...

...and opened Easy-Monica's Bakery.

I mean, I would kill for this job. I mean, I can totally do this job...

...and God knows I've paid my dues. Ugh.

But Pete's just doing this because he has a crush on me.

- And you're still not attracted to him at all? - Mm. No.

I mean, how could I accept a restaurant from him? I can't.

I couldn't even accept a necklace from Stu Vincent in the seventh grade.

Yeah, Mon, that was totally different. He was your health teacher.

- Ow. - What, honey?

Ow, my side still hurts from when you crashed into me yesterday.

- Oh, God, I'm so sorry. - I know. Ow.

Oh, God.

- Hey, you guys. Guess what. Hey.

Got a job on a riverboat?

You know what? I didn't wear this suit for a year because you hated it.

Guess what. You're not my girlfriend anymore, so...

- Oh, I see. So this suit is making a point. Mm.

Now that you're on your own, you're free to look as stupid as you'd like.

You like it, right?

Absolutely. I like it even more on you than I did on Colonel Sanders.

Huh. Ross, Ross, I'm kidding. Come here.

- What were you gonna tell us? - Was it how you invented the cotton gin?

Okay, goodbye.

So, um, after you put the suggestion in the box...

...how long did it take for the roller-skating thing to happen?

Um, about three months.

Okay, so I guess that's about, uh, two weeks...

...before the topless thing kicks in.

- Hey. Hey.

I got you something. Open it. Open it.

Okay.

It's a chicken.

It's cute, huh?

Whoa, whoa, whoa. You guys, do you know anything about chicks?

Fowl? No.

Women? No.

Okay, well, they are a huge responsibility.

Especially at this age. They require constant care.

They need just the right food and lots and lots of love.

Oh, well, no problem there.

Easy, Lenny.

So, I mean, have you thought about it?

Okay, here's the thing.

Oh, no. Not "the thing. " I hate "the thing. "

What's "the thing"?

I can't do it.

I'm sorry. I wish I could...

...but, um, see, you have these feelings for me.

Wait, wait, wait. That's what you're worried about?

If that's the problem, we've got no problem.

- Huh? - No.

I was gonna tell you this over dinner, but I met somebody else, on my trip.

Oh?

Her name's Ann. She's a journalist. Uh, we met on the plane.

She asked me if she could finish off my peanuts.

I thought she said something else. We had a big laugh.

Yeah, I just... I mean, I got tired of waiting.

Oh, that's great. I mean, I'm sorry, but I'm so happy for you.

- And now I can work for you. - I guess you can.

Oh, my God. Oh, this is incredible. Oh.

All right. You know what? I'm just gonna roll right into that office and quit.

- All right. - Okay.

- Could you give me a little push? - Yeah, sure.

- Good luck. I'm quitting. Woo-hoo!

I'm okay. I'm all right.

Wow. That's exciting. You went to Japan, made up a woman.

What?

I'm just saying, this woman, I mean, she's fictitious, no?

- Why would you say that? - You're still into Monica.

So you told her there's somebody else so she'd agree to work with you.

Because you figure, if you spend time together, maybe something might happen.

You're good. You're good.

Yeah. No, I'm fairly intuitive. And psychic.

It's a substantial gift.

Listen, can you promise me that you won't tell her, though?

Absolutely. Oh, I promise. Tell her what?

Thanks a lot.

No, I'm serious. I mean, I'm intuitive, but my memory sucks.

Okay, but this is the last time.

With a chick-chick here And a chick-chick there

Here a chick, there a chick Everywhere a chick-chick

Chicken

- Hey. - Hey.

How's she doing?

She?

Well, yeah. Don't you think it's a she?

I don't know.

I can't tell. Whatever it was, went back in too quickly.

Anyway, I gotta change. I'm meeting some of the cast for drinks.

Excuse me?

What?

I stayed home from work while you were at rehearsal...

...so somebody could be here with our chick.

Hey. Who was up from 2:00 this morning until 5:00 this morning...

...trying to get her back to sleep?

You don't think I get up when you get up?

Oh, here it comes.

Yes. Here it comes. I'm stuck here all day.

And then you come in and spend two seconds with us...

...and then expect to go off gallivanting with your friends?

Well, I don't think so, mister.

Hey. I need to relax, okay? I was working all day.

And you don't think taking care of our chick is work?

That's not what I said. Okay, I just meant...

I know what you meant.

Did you notice that ever since we got this chick...

...we've been fighting a lot more than we used to?

I don't know, maybe we weren't ready to have a chick.

I'll take her back tomorrow.

You think we'll get our 3 bucks back?

- Hey. Hey.

Oh. Hey.

Listen, I have that TV thing in, like, two hours, and I need your help.

Okay, what do you think? This blue suit or this brown one?

Well, the brown one brings out your eyes.

But your butt looks great in the blue one.

Really?

Ow.

Wow. That aspirin dance really works.

Ow. - Oh, my God. Is that still?

I'm fine. I'm fine.

- No, you're not. - Yes, I am.

- Rach. - Look, I'm fine.

Watch. Look at that. Uh-oh.

Okay, okay. Look, you've got to go to a doctor, okay?

No, I have to get ready and go to a dinner at my boss's house.

Very big deal. There's people there that I have to meet.

Yeah, and I'm sure you're gonna make a great impression. "Hi, I'm Rachel.

It's nice to meet you. "

Come on, you probably have a broken rib.

Well, I will go to the hospital tomorrow. It'll still be broken then.

But you know, I could use a hand getting ready.

- Rachel. - Look, either help me or go.

Fine. I'll go.

Okay, but before you go, could you help me first?

Sure. I'll help you.

Oh, good. Good.

Do you guys know how to get a chick out of a VCR?

You know what? I cannot do this with my left hand.

Would you please help me with this too?

- Okay. Let's use this brush. - Okay.

- This stuff? All right. - Yeah. Careful.

Light. Okay, you know, just sweep it across the lid.

- Okay, just sweep it. - Okey-dokey.

- Oh. Hey. - Sorry.

- Ha, ha. That's poking me in the eye. - Ha, ha.

I'm sorry. Close, close, close.

- Okay, just sweep it. - I'm sweeping.

- Right. - Sweep, sweep...

Okay, now make it even, because we don't...

- What? - We don't want it...

I don't want it to be too much. I want it to be subtle.

You know, you don't wear enough of this.

Since when...? Since when do you think I don't wear enough of this?

Well, I... Close your eye. I just think you're gonna like this better because...

- Close, close. - Blow it.

Sorry.

Because, um, I think this will make you a little more sophisticated.

Sophisticated like a hooker?

- Hey. - Hey.

- Guess what I'm doing tonight. - What?

I'm checking out the restaurant with Pete.

- Oh. Monica, I am so excited for you. - I know.

Ooh, I have to tell you something.

- What? - Well, I can't tell you.

Okay, but wouldn't it be easier to tell me something that you could tell me?

Well, sure, in a perfect world.

But no. I promised I wouldn't tell, and I swore to, like, all my gods.

Okay.

Does it have to do with Ross and Rachel?

No.

- Does it have to do with Joey? - No.

Does it have to do with Chandler and that sock that he keeps by his bed?

No, but let's come back to that later.

There you go. Good enough for your party? Huh?

Sure.

Sure. I'll just sit next to the transsexual from Purchasing.

Come on.

Okay, come on. All right, I gotta go. So good luck at the party, okay?

Oh, wait, Ross. Could you just stay and help me get dressed?

Sure. Okay.

Okay. Okay, great. Um, okay, just turn around.

- What? - I don't want you to see me naked.

Rachel, I've seen you naked a million times. I ate hot fudge off you naked.

I sucked that mini-marshmallow out of your bellybutton.

Yeah, but that was different, you know? We were going out then.

Now it's weird.

Rach, you know, I can see you naked anytime I want.

- What? - Ha, ha.

All I have to do is close my eyes. See? Woo-hoo.

- Ross, stop that. - I'm sorry.

Come on. I don't want you thinking of me like that anymore.

Uh, sorry. Nothing you can do about it.

It's one of my, uh, rights as the ex-boyfriend.

Huh? Oh. Oh, yeah.

- Stop it. Cut it out. Cut it out. - Okay, okay.

I'm sorry. It will never happen... Uh-oh.

Wait a minute. Wait, wait...

Now there are a hundred of you, and I'm the king.

- Ross... - Oh, come on.

Would you grow up? It's no big deal.

All right. Fine.

- Yowza. - Okay.

See what you did? I'm gonna be doing it by myself now.

- Okay, that's it. Ow! - Oh, come on.

Oh, my God. All right, look, look, okay.

Rach. Easy. Easy. You have to go to the hospital, okay?

- Okay, I do. I really do. - Okay.

Okay, I'm gonna get your coat, then I'll put you in a cab.

Oh, wait, wait, you're not gonna come with me?

Of course I am.

Uh, I just have to make a call.

- Okay. - Okay?

Thank you.

Ow!

What's wrong?

I'm sorry. I just can't go to the hospital looking like this.

- Does it involve travel? - No.

Does it involve clogs?

Wait, wait. Clogs or claws?

- Clogs. - No.

- Claws? - No.

Okay, so it doesn't involve Ross or Rachel or Chandler or Joey.

- What about Pete? - No.

What is it?

- What about Pete? - I don't know.

Okay, I feel like I'm talking to Lassie.

- Phoebe, would you just tell me? - I can't.

- Okay, you know, I gotta go. - But you're so close. No.

Something to do with Pete's company?

Ugh. Just go. You're never gonna get it.

I know.

See, yes. That's Yasmine Bleeth.

She's a completely different kind of chick.

I love you both.

But in very different ways.

- Hey. - Hey.

Ooh. Ah.

What are you doing? I though you were gonna take her back.

I did. But the store wouldn't take her back.

So then I took her to the shelter. And you know what I found out?

If they can't find a home for her, they kill her.

And I'm not gonna let that happen to little Yasmine.

Okay, good, good, good.

Because I was kind of having second thoughts too.

Okay. And it's not just chicks, you know? It's all kinds of other animals.

That's horrible. Well, you did the right thing, man.

Thanks. I'm glad you see it that way.

Oh, funny story.

I don't believe this.

Wow, look at this refrigerator. It's gigantic.

I mean, I could live in this thing. I'd be cold, but I'm always cold.

Oh, my God. Look at these spider burners. I love spider burners.

So you like it?

Oh, it is so perfect. Thank you so much.

- You're welcome. - Oh.

Did you just smell my hair?

No. No way. What? No.

- Oh, God. - What?

You still have feelings for me, don't you?

No. I'm just excited about the restaurant, that's all.

- Pete? - Okay, I love you. Is that so bad?

No, it's not bad. It's not bad at all.

It's really nice.

Look, the only one who stands to get hurt is me, and I'm okay with that.

Yeah, you may be okay with getting hurt...

...but I am not okay with being the one who hurts you.

- That's why I can't take this job. - What?

Well, we probably shouldn't see each other anymore.

I'm sorry.

Okay. Yeah.

I mean, if that's really what you want, okay.

Okay. Bye.

I'm sorry things didn't work out...

Shut up for a second and let me just see something.

Oh, wow.

Okay, you'd tell me the truth, right?

- Rach, you can't look fat in an x-ray. - Okay.

Hey, now, you stay out here and you think about what you did.

- That's a duck. - That's a bad duck.

- How'd the thing go tonight, Ross? - Oh, it was... No, no.

What thing? What thing?

Nothing. There was this thing at the museum. Come on.

Easy.

Okay, now, when you come back...

...I hope you remember that that chick is not a toy.

What thing? What is this thing?

Aw, I was kind of supposed to be on TV tonight for the Discovery Channel.

Oh, my God.

Ross, why didn't you tell me that?

Ah, I knew that if I told you, you'd make me go...

...and I knew you needed someone to be with you tonight. Come on.

- Come on. - I cannot believe you.

- What? - That is the sweetest thing.

You should get some sleep.

Okay.

- So I'll, um... - I'm sorry I spoiled your evening.

No, that's... No, as long as you're okay.

So I'll, uh... I'll see you tomorrow.

Mm-hm. Yeah.

See you.

What did you do?

What you doing?

Having a swim.

What about the chick?

Chicks don't swim.

Are you sure?

I don't know.

- Should we try? - Sure.

See, I told you. They don't swim.

- Well, give him a minute. - No.

Oh, it's okay. It's okay, baby, baby, baby.