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1
00:00:01,567 --> 00:00:04,936
¶ One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight ¶
2
00:00:05,004 --> 00:00:06,838
¶ Schlemiel, Schlemazel
3
00:00:06,906 --> 00:00:09,274
¶ Hasenpfeffer, Incorporated
4
00:00:10,560 --> 00:00:11,960
¶ We're gonna do it
5
00:00:11,962 --> 00:00:14,696
¶ Give us any chance,
we'll take it ¶
6
00:00:14,763 --> 00:00:17,765
¶ Read us any rule,
we'll break it ¶
7
00:00:17,833 --> 00:00:21,452
¶ We're gonna make
our dreams come true ¶
8
00:00:21,520 --> 00:00:23,021
¶ Doing it our way
9
00:00:23,089 --> 00:00:26,174
¶ Nothing's gonna turn us
back now ¶
10
00:00:26,241 --> 00:00:30,178
¶ Straight ahead
and on the track now ¶
11
00:00:30,245 --> 00:00:33,447
¶ We're gonna make
our dreams come true ¶
12
00:00:33,515 --> 00:00:35,683
¶ Doing it our way
13
00:00:35,751 --> 00:00:38,520
¶ There is nothing
we won't try ¶
14
00:00:38,587 --> 00:00:41,189
¶ Never heard
the word "impossible" ¶
15
00:00:41,257 --> 00:00:44,359
¶ This time,
there's no stopping us ¶
16
00:00:44,426 --> 00:00:46,294
¶ We're gonna do it
17
00:00:46,362 --> 00:00:49,580
¶ On your mark,
get set and go now ¶
18
00:00:49,648 --> 00:00:53,117
¶ Got a dream,
and we just know now ¶
19
00:00:53,185 --> 00:00:57,021
¶ We're gonna make
that dream come true ¶
20
00:00:57,090 --> 00:01:01,209
¶ And we'll do it our way,
yes, our way ¶
21
00:01:01,277 --> 00:01:02,977
¶ Make all our dreams
come true ¶
22
00:01:03,045 --> 00:01:07,148
¶ And we'll do it our way,
yes, our way ¶
23
00:01:07,216 --> 00:01:11,652
¶ Make all our dreams
come true ¶
24
00:01:11,720 --> 00:01:17,325
¶ For me and you.
25
00:01:18,894 --> 00:01:22,747
¶ Mona Lisa...
26
00:01:22,815 --> 00:01:25,333
Laverne and Shirley is filmedbefore a studio audience.
27
00:01:25,401 --> 00:01:27,585
¶ Men have named you
28
00:01:27,653 --> 00:01:30,939
¶ You're so like the lady...
29
00:01:31,007 --> 00:01:32,357
Did you have fun
at the carnival tonight?
30
00:01:32,424 --> 00:01:33,892
Yes, I did. Thank you
for winning me
31
00:01:33,960 --> 00:01:35,393
all these stuffed
animals, Carmine.
32
00:01:35,461 --> 00:01:36,694
It's okay.
33
00:01:36,762 --> 00:01:39,781
¶ Is it only
'cause you're lonely ¶
34
00:01:39,849 --> 00:01:41,766
¶ They have blamed you?
35
00:01:41,833 --> 00:01:43,768
Hey, will you look
at that?
36
00:01:43,835 --> 00:01:47,438
Sal and Laverne dancing,
holding each other tight,
37
00:01:47,506 --> 00:01:49,140
making goo-goo eyes.
38
00:01:49,208 --> 00:01:50,141
Do you think
they're serious?
39
00:01:50,209 --> 00:01:51,543
Are you kidding me?
40
00:01:51,610 --> 00:01:53,778
They've only been going
out a couple of months.
41
00:01:55,931 --> 00:01:58,216
Know what? I'm going to make
a little suit for my panda.
42
00:01:58,284 --> 00:01:59,601
...a little hat.
Shirl, let's
go home.
43
00:01:59,668 --> 00:02:01,836
I got to talk to you.
I've got an onion
pizza coming.
44
00:02:01,903 --> 00:02:03,805
Hey, what's the hurry?
It's all right,
Carmine.
45
00:02:03,872 --> 00:02:05,807
Let them go.
What, what? You
can't tell me here?
46
00:02:05,874 --> 00:02:07,375
I'll tell
you at home.
Oh, all right.
47
00:02:07,443 --> 00:02:09,644
Well, let me get my animals.
Carmine, get
the animals.
48
00:02:09,712 --> 00:02:11,546
Well, let me
take my panda.
Forget the panda.
49
00:02:11,614 --> 00:02:14,148
Carmine knocked down
20 milk bottles for this...
50
00:02:14,216 --> 00:02:15,249
Come on, let's
go bowling.
51
00:02:15,318 --> 00:02:16,467
Hey, hey, wait.
Whoa, whoa.
52
00:02:16,535 --> 00:02:18,470
What's the matter?
What did you say?
53
00:02:18,537 --> 00:02:20,338
Hey, did you ask her
to do something dirty?
54
00:02:20,406 --> 00:02:22,540
No.
55
00:02:22,608 --> 00:02:24,576
I asked Laverne
to marry me.
56
00:02:24,644 --> 00:02:25,593
No!
Yeah!
57
00:02:25,661 --> 00:02:26,995
Really?
Yeah.
58
00:02:27,063 --> 00:02:27,779
You're kidding!
Yeah!
59
00:02:27,846 --> 00:02:29,247
All right!
Let's bowl.
60
00:02:33,719 --> 00:02:35,720
Okay, Shirl,
brace yourself.
61
00:02:35,788 --> 00:02:38,290
Oh, no!
62
00:02:38,357 --> 00:02:41,092
I got a proposal
of marriage.
63
00:02:41,160 --> 00:02:42,377
( gasps ):
Who?
64
00:02:42,444 --> 00:02:43,411
-Sal.
-He didn't.
65
00:02:43,479 --> 00:02:44,595
-He did.
-You're kidding!
66
00:02:44,663 --> 00:02:45,446
I'm not.
67
00:02:45,514 --> 00:02:46,581
Oh, Laverne!
68
00:02:46,649 --> 00:02:49,884
This is so exciting,
your first proposal.
69
00:02:49,952 --> 00:02:51,552
Oh, I am curious as a cat.
70
00:02:51,620 --> 00:02:53,788
All right, I want you to tell me
71
00:02:53,856 --> 00:02:56,291
exactly, word for word
what he said.
72
00:02:57,793 --> 00:03:00,194
I don't remember.
73
00:03:00,262 --> 00:03:01,446
Sure, you remember.
74
00:03:01,514 --> 00:03:04,148
Everyone remembers
their first proposal.
75
00:03:04,216 --> 00:03:05,483
I was so excited,
I forgot.
76
00:03:05,550 --> 00:03:06,517
Think!
77
00:03:06,585 --> 00:03:07,952
I don't know.
78
00:03:08,020 --> 00:03:09,537
All right, all right.
79
00:03:09,605 --> 00:03:11,239
Let me set the mood.
80
00:03:11,307 --> 00:03:13,441
We were at the Pizza Bowl.
81
00:03:13,509 --> 00:03:17,312
A romantic ballad was playing
on the jukebox.
82
00:03:18,630 --> 00:03:21,516
He took you in his arms.
83
00:03:21,583 --> 00:03:23,251
¶ Mona Lisa
84
00:03:23,318 --> 00:03:27,821
¶ Mona Lisa,
men have named you ¶
85
00:03:27,889 --> 00:03:30,725
He looks deeply,
and ever so longingly
86
00:03:30,792 --> 00:03:33,094
into your eyes and says...
87
00:03:33,161 --> 00:03:35,896
"Let's do it."
88
00:03:39,902 --> 00:03:43,504
That's not exactly a proposal
of marriage, Laverne.
89
00:03:43,572 --> 00:03:45,974
Well, then he said,
"Let's get hitched."
90
00:03:46,041 --> 00:03:48,092
Then he dipped me,
and then he turned me around.
91
00:03:48,160 --> 00:03:49,360
And that was it.
92
00:03:49,428 --> 00:03:50,895
Oh, wow!
93
00:03:50,963 --> 00:03:53,364
This is so exciting.
94
00:03:53,432 --> 00:03:56,868
Your first sincere proposal
of matrimony.
95
00:03:56,936 --> 00:03:59,971
Yeah, it is
exciting, isn't it?
96
00:04:00,039 --> 00:04:01,772
The wedding's
this weekend.
97
00:04:01,841 --> 00:04:04,242
( splutters )
98
00:04:08,497 --> 00:04:09,797
You said yes?
99
00:04:09,865 --> 00:04:11,166
No.
100
00:04:11,233 --> 00:04:13,034
Oh... then why is there
going to be a wedding?
101
00:04:13,102 --> 00:04:15,236
Because I'm going
to say yes.
102
00:04:15,304 --> 00:04:16,837
Can I wear this
on my honeymoon?
103
00:04:16,905 --> 00:04:18,506
Sure. But Laverne,
104
00:04:18,574 --> 00:04:20,141
what's the big rush?
105
00:04:20,209 --> 00:04:22,143
Well, he's got to go
to San Diego Monday,
106
00:04:22,211 --> 00:04:24,278
because he's being discharged
from the Navy.
107
00:04:24,346 --> 00:04:26,547
And he wants me to go
with him as Mrs. Malina.
108
00:04:26,615 --> 00:04:29,484
Monday, Tuesday...
109
00:04:33,855 --> 00:04:35,490
Gee, I'm so surprised.
110
00:04:35,557 --> 00:04:37,291
I-I knew you liked him,
111
00:04:37,359 --> 00:04:40,928
but I never realized you
loved him that much.
112
00:04:40,996 --> 00:04:42,947
Oh, I was going to tell you.
113
00:04:43,015 --> 00:04:44,715
I forgot.
114
00:04:44,783 --> 00:04:45,967
Forgot...?
115
00:04:46,035 --> 00:04:48,536
But Vernie, before,
when you've been in love,
116
00:04:48,603 --> 00:04:50,404
I mean, I've always known.
117
00:04:50,472 --> 00:04:53,975
You always act so crazy
and do such crazy things,
118
00:04:54,043 --> 00:04:57,478
but I have never seen you act
crazy about Sal.
119
00:04:57,546 --> 00:05:00,498
Well... I'm more mature now.
120
00:05:00,566 --> 00:05:03,668
I learned to handle love.
121
00:05:04,836 --> 00:05:05,937
Oh.
122
00:05:06,004 --> 00:05:07,805
Are you sure?
123
00:05:07,873 --> 00:05:08,890
Sure, I'm sure.
124
00:05:08,957 --> 00:05:11,959
Sal's a terrific guy,
and I love him so much.
125
00:05:12,027 --> 00:05:14,028
I just love, love, love him.
126
00:05:15,614 --> 00:05:18,316
Well, if you're sure...
127
00:05:18,383 --> 00:05:20,551
then I'm sure.
128
00:05:20,619 --> 00:05:23,321
I just couldn't be happier
for you, Vernie.
129
00:05:23,388 --> 00:05:24,972
( knocking )
130
00:05:25,040 --> 00:05:26,491
Who is it?
131
00:05:26,559 --> 00:05:27,892
FRANK:
It's me.
132
00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:29,777
That's my father.
133
00:05:31,380 --> 00:05:34,165
Do you think he heard yet?
134
00:05:34,233 --> 00:05:35,532
I don't know.
135
00:05:36,701 --> 00:05:38,169
( yells )
136
00:05:38,237 --> 00:05:40,138
He heard, he heard.
137
00:05:40,205 --> 00:05:42,940
( speaking Italian )
138
00:05:43,008 --> 00:05:44,909
Yeah, English,
Pop, English.
139
00:05:44,977 --> 00:05:46,110
Did you say yes?
140
00:05:46,178 --> 00:05:47,645
I'm going to.
141
00:05:47,712 --> 00:05:50,648
Hooray! A grandson!
142
00:05:51,800 --> 00:05:54,202
And he's got a good job.
He's going to work
143
00:05:54,270 --> 00:05:56,438
in his father's
light fixture business.
144
00:05:56,505 --> 00:05:59,440
Hooray! A job.
145
00:05:59,508 --> 00:06:02,310
And the wedding's
this weekend.
146
00:06:02,378 --> 00:06:05,813
Hooray, I got to get
your relatives.
147
00:06:05,881 --> 00:06:07,548
Do you want me to
get the address book?
148
00:06:07,616 --> 00:06:08,950
Yeah, where is it?
The bedroom?
149
00:06:09,018 --> 00:06:10,285
In the bedroom.
Oh, good.
150
00:06:10,352 --> 00:06:12,453
If only your mother was alive,
may she rest in peace,
151
00:06:12,521 --> 00:06:13,955
( speaks Italian )
152
00:06:14,023 --> 00:06:15,689
English, Pop,
English.
153
00:06:15,757 --> 00:06:18,592
( knocking )
154
00:06:28,070 --> 00:06:29,837
Who is it?
155
00:06:31,239 --> 00:06:32,640
It's me,
Carmine.
156
00:06:33,876 --> 00:06:35,226
Who is it,
who is it?
157
00:06:35,294 --> 00:06:36,427
Raguso!
Here's your toys.
158
00:06:36,495 --> 00:06:37,562
Oh, thank you, Carmine.
159
00:06:37,629 --> 00:06:39,129
Did you have a
good time tonight?
160
00:06:39,198 --> 00:06:40,264
Yes, I did, thank you.
161
00:06:40,332 --> 00:06:41,666
Okay. Hey, don't you think
162
00:06:41,733 --> 00:06:43,033
it's great about
Sal and Laverne?
163
00:06:43,101 --> 00:06:44,902
I don't know, Carmine.
164
00:06:44,970 --> 00:06:47,338
This is happening so fast...
165
00:06:47,406 --> 00:06:48,806
Fast? What do
you mean, fast?
166
00:06:48,874 --> 00:06:51,008
They've been going together
for a couple of months.
167
00:06:51,076 --> 00:06:52,843
Sal's okay, but he's not
Laverne's type.
168
00:06:52,911 --> 00:06:55,046
Shirley, I know that look.
You're going to start
169
00:06:55,113 --> 00:06:57,315
with this Prince Charming
on the white horse bit?
170
00:06:57,383 --> 00:07:00,518
It's bad enough that
I'm taking horseback
riding lessons.
171
00:07:02,388 --> 00:07:03,788
Me, the Big Ragoo.
172
00:07:03,855 --> 00:07:05,790
Now these are
two nice people.
173
00:07:05,857 --> 00:07:09,060
They found each other,
and that's nice. Beautiful.
174
00:07:09,127 --> 00:07:11,296
We'll leave it at
that, all right?
175
00:07:11,363 --> 00:07:12,297
Right?
176
00:07:12,364 --> 00:07:13,298
Right.
177
00:07:13,365 --> 00:07:14,532
Okay.
178
00:07:15,383 --> 00:07:16,517
Oh.
179
00:07:16,585 --> 00:07:18,686
¶ When the moon
hits your eye ¶
180
00:07:18,754 --> 00:07:20,621
¶ Like a great
pizza pie ¶
181
00:07:20,689 --> 00:07:22,156
¶ That's amore...
182
00:07:24,192 --> 00:07:26,126
FRANK:
Hello, Aunt Josephine.
183
00:07:26,194 --> 00:07:27,995
Talk up!
184
00:07:28,063 --> 00:07:30,030
Louder, it's
long distance.
185
00:07:30,098 --> 00:07:33,133
Laverne's getting
married to Sal Malina.
186
00:07:33,201 --> 00:07:34,569
Sal Malina.
187
00:07:34,636 --> 00:07:36,303
He's in light bulbs.
188
00:07:36,371 --> 00:07:38,906
Yeah, yeah.
Isn't it wonderful?
189
00:07:38,974 --> 00:07:41,542
Everyone thinks
it's wonderful!
190
00:07:41,610 --> 00:07:43,978
Everyone thinks
it's wonderful.
191
00:07:44,045 --> 00:07:46,213
Except me.
192
00:07:46,281 --> 00:07:48,716
And you.
193
00:07:48,784 --> 00:07:51,318
The poodle doesn't
like it, either.
194
00:07:51,386 --> 00:07:53,320
Dippy's not crazy about it...
195
00:07:53,388 --> 00:07:55,923
Let's take a vote.
Alligator...
196
00:07:59,961 --> 00:08:03,897
( pipe organ playing softly )
197
00:08:06,151 --> 00:08:08,352
Which one do
you like better?
198
00:08:08,420 --> 00:08:09,687
For you? That one for you.
199
00:08:09,755 --> 00:08:11,022
Okay. Oh, hi,
Father Gucci.
200
00:08:11,090 --> 00:08:12,423
Hello, Father.
201
00:08:12,490 --> 00:08:15,075
Oh, hi, Laverne. Shirley.
202
00:08:15,143 --> 00:08:17,778
Oh, look at all the
beautiful flowers.
203
00:08:17,846 --> 00:08:22,049
Oh, wow, your father must have
really sprung for a lot.
204
00:08:22,117 --> 00:08:25,319
Oh, no, we're having
a funeral in an hour.
205
00:08:25,387 --> 00:08:27,254
Listen, I'll
be right back.
206
00:08:28,490 --> 00:08:29,523
Oh...
207
00:08:29,591 --> 00:08:30,624
Shirl, did you
really like
208
00:08:30,692 --> 00:08:31,993
that last dress
that I tried on?
209
00:08:32,060 --> 00:08:33,160
Yeah, it was very nice...
210
00:08:33,228 --> 00:08:34,595
It didn't make me
look too chunky?
211
00:08:34,662 --> 00:08:35,762
No, it was beautiful...
212
00:08:35,830 --> 00:08:37,031
You could see me
through the veil?
213
00:08:37,099 --> 00:08:39,217
I could, I could see you
right through the veil.
214
00:08:39,285 --> 00:08:40,517
Good.
Uh, Laverne?
215
00:08:40,586 --> 00:08:41,986
Mm-hmm?
Could I talk serious
216
00:08:42,054 --> 00:08:44,321
to you for a moment?
You hate the dress.
217
00:08:44,389 --> 00:08:45,823
Just tell me
that you hate the dress.
218
00:08:45,891 --> 00:08:48,259
No, I love the dress,
I love the dress.
It's not that.
219
00:08:48,327 --> 00:08:50,461
It's just that things
have been in such a hurry,
220
00:08:50,529 --> 00:08:52,497
I haven't had a
chance to talk to you.
221
00:08:52,564 --> 00:08:54,114
Well, I haven't had
any time to talk.
222
00:08:54,182 --> 00:08:55,983
I had to help Sal find
an apartment.
223
00:08:56,051 --> 00:08:57,485
I have to get my blood test.
224
00:08:57,553 --> 00:08:58,853
I have to get the license.
225
00:08:58,920 --> 00:09:00,254
I got to get my hair done.
226
00:09:00,322 --> 00:09:02,690
Do you think I should wear it
in a beehive?
227
00:09:02,758 --> 00:09:03,974
A beehive looks ugly on you.
228
00:09:04,042 --> 00:09:05,076
Yeah, my ears stick out.
229
00:09:05,144 --> 00:09:06,377
I got to get me a hairdo.
230
00:09:06,445 --> 00:09:08,313
That's what I mean,
Laverne, you see?
231
00:09:08,380 --> 00:09:10,214
You're in such a rush
with the wedding
232
00:09:10,282 --> 00:09:13,318
that you haven't had
a chance to think
about being married.
233
00:09:13,385 --> 00:09:16,387
Well, as far as I'm concerned,
it's better that way.
234
00:09:16,455 --> 00:09:18,323
If I had time
to think about it,
235
00:09:18,390 --> 00:09:20,658
I would just wait
until it's too late.
236
00:09:20,726 --> 00:09:22,059
It's never too late.
237
00:09:22,127 --> 00:09:24,261
Shirl, remember
our senior prom?
238
00:09:24,330 --> 00:09:26,130
Three boys asked me to go,
239
00:09:26,198 --> 00:09:28,666
but I was waiting
for a better offer.
240
00:09:28,734 --> 00:09:31,336
I ended up sitting home
in my prom dress
241
00:09:31,403 --> 00:09:32,670
watching Seahunt.
242
00:09:32,738 --> 00:09:35,572
They're in here, stupid!
243
00:09:36,875 --> 00:09:39,010
What are you calling me
stupid in church for?
244
00:09:39,077 --> 00:09:42,346
You want God to hear you?
What's the matter with you?
245
00:09:42,414 --> 00:09:44,882
What are they doing here?
246
00:09:44,950 --> 00:09:47,017
Sal asked them
to be ushers.
247
00:09:47,085 --> 00:09:47,835
( Shirley sighs )
248
00:09:47,903 --> 00:09:49,737
Hi, Laverne.
We're here to ush.
249
00:09:49,805 --> 00:09:51,155
LENNY:
Yeah.
250
00:09:51,223 --> 00:09:55,176
You're Leonard Koznovsky,
aren't you?
251
00:09:55,244 --> 00:09:56,377
Hi, Father.
252
00:09:56,444 --> 00:09:59,981
Leonard! Sounds like
a girl's name.
253
00:10:00,048 --> 00:10:01,265
Leonard, Leonard, Leonard.
254
00:10:01,333 --> 00:10:04,702
I haven't seen you at confession
for almost three years.
255
00:10:04,770 --> 00:10:07,672
I been pretty good, Father.
256
00:10:09,308 --> 00:10:11,542
Everything's
under control.
257
00:10:13,094 --> 00:10:16,029
Well, as soon as the bride
and groom are here,
258
00:10:16,097 --> 00:10:17,765
we'll be able to start.
259
00:10:17,833 --> 00:10:19,083
All right, Laverne?
260
00:10:19,150 --> 00:10:21,085
Sure.
261
00:10:21,152 --> 00:10:24,021
Boys, let me explain the
seating arrangements.
262
00:10:24,089 --> 00:10:25,923
( bell tolls )
263
00:10:25,990 --> 00:10:28,226
Laverne, what's the matter?
Are you all right?
264
00:10:28,293 --> 00:10:32,863
Yeah, it's just when
he said "bride and groom,"
I got a little nervous.
265
00:10:32,931 --> 00:10:34,098
It's nothing.
266
00:10:34,165 --> 00:10:35,366
Maybe it's not nothing.
267
00:10:35,434 --> 00:10:38,569
Maybe you're not really sure
about all this.
268
00:10:38,637 --> 00:10:40,704
Well, how could
anybody be sure?
269
00:10:40,772 --> 00:10:42,773
This is a big step, Shirl.
270
00:10:42,841 --> 00:10:44,491
That's it! You said it.
271
00:10:44,559 --> 00:10:46,493
This is eternal!
272
00:10:46,561 --> 00:10:49,530
Eternity, over and over
and over again.
273
00:10:49,597 --> 00:10:52,967
On and on without ceasing,
without stopping.
274
00:10:53,035 --> 00:10:56,671
Over and over, eternal,
ad infinitum, infinity.
275
00:10:56,738 --> 00:10:59,974
This means till death
do you part, the end.
276
00:11:00,042 --> 00:11:02,826
Do you mean forever?
277
00:11:02,894 --> 00:11:04,495
FATHER GUCCI:
Laverne...
278
00:11:04,563 --> 00:11:06,297
we're ready for you now.
279
00:11:06,365 --> 00:11:08,466
Well...
280
00:11:08,533 --> 00:11:11,201
what the heck, huh?
281
00:11:11,270 --> 00:11:13,837
"What the heck, huh"?
282
00:11:13,905 --> 00:11:15,606
Father...
283
00:11:15,674 --> 00:11:18,276
I'd like you to meet
my fiancé, Sal Malina.
284
00:11:18,343 --> 00:11:19,644
Hello, Father.
285
00:11:19,711 --> 00:11:21,379
And you know
Carmine Ragusa.
286
00:11:21,446 --> 00:11:23,113
Hi, Father.
I'm the best man.
287
00:11:23,181 --> 00:11:26,083
Oh, yes, the Big Ragoo.
288
00:11:26,151 --> 00:11:28,619
All right,
let's get ready and start.
289
00:11:28,687 --> 00:11:32,823
I'm going to need a stand-in
for the father of the bride.
290
00:11:32,891 --> 00:11:33,991
Uh, my son, you.
291
00:11:34,059 --> 00:11:36,427
Yes, would you
help us, please?
292
00:11:36,495 --> 00:11:39,747
I don't got to memorize
nothing, do I?
293
00:11:41,549 --> 00:11:43,017
Oh, no, it's very simple.
294
00:11:43,085 --> 00:11:45,019
You just give the bride away.
295
00:11:45,087 --> 00:11:46,437
Okay, take her.
296
00:11:46,505 --> 00:11:48,873
I ain't stopping you.
297
00:11:48,941 --> 00:11:50,090
Fine.
298
00:11:50,158 --> 00:11:52,159
Don't say anything.
299
00:11:52,227 --> 00:11:54,562
All right, let's all take
our positions.
300
00:11:54,629 --> 00:11:57,631
Uh, Father, don't
I get to walk
down that aisle?
301
00:11:57,699 --> 00:12:00,568
Oh, you will, tomorrow,
but if you do it now,
302
00:12:00,635 --> 00:12:03,571
you'll walk straight into
the late Mr. O'Hara.
303
00:12:03,638 --> 00:12:05,305
We'll use this aisle
right here
304
00:12:05,373 --> 00:12:07,708
for our rehearsal
just for now, all right?
305
00:12:07,776 --> 00:12:09,209
Ah, Carmine,
would you walk
306
00:12:09,277 --> 00:12:11,411
down the aisle
with Shirley, please?
307
00:12:11,479 --> 00:12:12,746
Sounds good to me.
308
00:12:12,814 --> 00:12:14,181
Oh, that's lovely.
309
00:12:14,249 --> 00:12:17,618
All right, Sal, come here,
would you please?
310
00:12:17,685 --> 00:12:19,586
What a beautiful picture.
311
00:12:19,654 --> 00:12:22,256
Now, the father
and the bride...
312
00:12:22,324 --> 00:12:23,657
( hums "Here Comesthe Bride" )
313
00:12:23,725 --> 00:12:25,759
( in singsong voice ):
¶ Go get the bride
314
00:12:25,827 --> 00:12:26,994
¶ Get the bride...
315
00:12:27,062 --> 00:12:28,129
Let's go already.
316
00:12:28,196 --> 00:12:29,730
What are you waiting
for, Christmas?
317
00:12:29,798 --> 00:12:33,384
All right,
now the father sits down.
318
00:12:33,451 --> 00:12:34,535
Sits down!
319
00:12:34,603 --> 00:12:36,503
Oh, sits...
320
00:12:36,571 --> 00:12:39,106
And the ceremony goes
like this...
321
00:12:39,173 --> 00:12:41,359
Come on, Shirl, smile.
322
00:12:41,426 --> 00:12:43,661
FATHER GUCCI:
You walk down
the aisle,
323
00:12:43,729 --> 00:12:47,180
I say something religious,
you take your vows,
324
00:12:47,248 --> 00:12:49,382
you exchange your rings.
325
00:12:49,450 --> 00:12:50,484
Then I say,
326
00:12:50,552 --> 00:12:53,120
"If there's anyone
who has any reason
327
00:12:53,187 --> 00:12:55,389
"why these two
should not be wed,
328
00:12:55,457 --> 00:12:56,490
"let them speak now
329
00:12:56,558 --> 00:12:57,625
or forever hold
their peace."
330
00:12:57,692 --> 00:13:00,561
I object.
331
00:13:00,629 --> 00:13:02,846
You object at a rehearsal?
332
00:13:02,914 --> 00:13:04,081
( gasps )
333
00:13:04,149 --> 00:13:05,316
Did I say that?
334
00:13:05,383 --> 00:13:07,684
That sort of just
slipped out, didn't it?
335
00:13:07,752 --> 00:13:09,569
I...
336
00:13:09,637 --> 00:13:11,572
I didn't say, "I object."
337
00:13:11,639 --> 00:13:13,874
I said, "I have to check."
338
00:13:13,942 --> 00:13:15,709
I have to check
the wedding cake.
339
00:13:15,777 --> 00:13:17,178
That's it!
340
00:13:17,245 --> 00:13:19,080
I have to check
the wedding cake.
341
00:13:19,147 --> 00:13:20,547
Uh... you go on without me.
342
00:13:20,615 --> 00:13:23,384
It's a beautiful ceremony,
wonderful, fantastic.
343
00:13:23,452 --> 00:13:25,152
I like every single
one of you,
344
00:13:25,220 --> 00:13:26,854
but I have to
be leaving now.
345
00:13:26,921 --> 00:13:28,322
Excuse me.
346
00:13:34,646 --> 00:13:37,181
Was it something I said?
347
00:13:37,249 --> 00:13:38,616
Don't worry, Father.
348
00:13:38,684 --> 00:13:40,918
It's just she's
a little nervous.
349
00:13:40,985 --> 00:13:43,521
She's never been a
bridesmaid before.
350
00:13:43,589 --> 00:13:46,440
Never a bridesmaid,
always a maid.
351
00:13:46,508 --> 00:13:49,326
Shut up.
352
00:14:02,340 --> 00:14:03,907
What are you
doing, Shirl?
353
00:14:03,975 --> 00:14:06,310
Are you trying to
ruin my wedding?
354
00:14:06,378 --> 00:14:07,778
I wouldn't blame you
355
00:14:07,846 --> 00:14:10,615
if you never spoke
to me again, Laverne,
356
00:14:10,682 --> 00:14:12,583
but I couldn't help myself.
357
00:14:12,651 --> 00:14:14,168
Of course I'll speak to you,
358
00:14:14,235 --> 00:14:16,503
but just tell me
what you want to tell me.
359
00:14:16,571 --> 00:14:19,106
I know there's something
you want to tell me.
360
00:14:21,176 --> 00:14:23,410
I can't Laverne, I can't.
361
00:14:23,478 --> 00:14:24,979
It's your life.
362
00:14:25,047 --> 00:14:27,932
Since when?
363
00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:30,467
Come on, let's hear it.
364
00:14:30,535 --> 00:14:31,669
You're right.
365
00:14:31,737 --> 00:14:33,403
It's better I say it
than someday
366
00:14:33,471 --> 00:14:35,873
you're walking down
some lonely, deserted street
367
00:14:35,941 --> 00:14:38,442
and an utter stranger
comes up to you and says
368
00:14:38,510 --> 00:14:40,060
what I should have
said to you 20 years...
369
00:14:40,127 --> 00:14:41,161
Shirl, spit it out!
370
00:14:41,229 --> 00:14:43,080
All right.
371
00:14:43,148 --> 00:14:46,850
I don't think
that you can look me in the eye,
372
00:14:46,918 --> 00:14:49,987
and say to me,
"I love Sal Malina".
373
00:14:50,054 --> 00:14:50,771
That's it?
374
00:14:50,839 --> 00:14:51,772
Yes.
375
00:14:51,840 --> 00:14:52,840
I love Sal Malina.
376
00:14:52,907 --> 00:14:54,007
Let's go back
to the church.
377
00:14:54,075 --> 00:14:55,275
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!
378
00:14:55,343 --> 00:14:56,977
I said in the eye, Laverne.
379
00:14:57,044 --> 00:14:59,179
In the eye.
380
00:14:59,247 --> 00:15:01,949
These eyes,
that have watched you grow
381
00:15:02,016 --> 00:15:06,853
from chubby, whiny adolescence,
into terrific young womanhood.
382
00:15:06,921 --> 00:15:08,456
Say it.
383
00:15:08,523 --> 00:15:10,090
I...
384
00:15:10,157 --> 00:15:12,959
like...
385
00:15:13,027 --> 00:15:14,995
care for...
386
00:15:15,062 --> 00:15:17,664
I lo... o...
387
00:15:18,833 --> 00:15:21,402
I lo...
388
00:15:21,469 --> 00:15:23,704
What difference
does it make?!
389
00:15:23,772 --> 00:15:24,572
Yeah, I knew it.
390
00:15:24,639 --> 00:15:26,240
You didn't love him.
391
00:15:26,308 --> 00:15:27,874
I knew it all along.
392
00:15:27,942 --> 00:15:29,643
Well, why didn't
you just say so,
393
00:15:29,711 --> 00:15:32,480
instead of walking
around for two days
with this long face on?
394
00:15:32,547 --> 00:15:34,582
Because I was afraid
you'd marry him, anyway.
395
00:15:34,649 --> 00:15:35,983
So what?
396
00:15:36,050 --> 00:15:37,317
Well, I know you, Laverne.
397
00:15:37,385 --> 00:15:39,352
Every time we saw each other,
you'd say,
398
00:15:39,420 --> 00:15:42,322
"Hey, it's me and that guy
you told me not to marry."
399
00:15:42,390 --> 00:15:46,010
I wouldn't say it every time.
400
00:15:46,078 --> 00:15:47,394
But you'd be thinking it.
401
00:15:47,462 --> 00:15:50,130
And then we couldn't
be friends anymore.
402
00:15:50,197 --> 00:15:51,382
Oh, come on, Shirl.
403
00:15:51,449 --> 00:15:55,152
No matter what happens,
we'll always be friends.
404
00:15:55,220 --> 00:15:56,420
Look, okay.
405
00:15:56,488 --> 00:15:58,688
Right now, I
don't love him.
406
00:15:58,756 --> 00:16:00,824
But Sal's crazy about me.
407
00:16:00,892 --> 00:16:03,960
I've got 40 years
to grow to love him.
408
00:16:04,029 --> 00:16:07,964
Laverne, if you marry a man
that you don't love,
409
00:16:08,033 --> 00:16:10,534
something terrible
will happen.
410
00:16:10,601 --> 00:16:12,602
Like what?
411
00:16:12,670 --> 00:16:14,804
Who knows?
412
00:16:17,142 --> 00:16:19,843
You'll become dissatisfied.
413
00:16:21,346 --> 00:16:22,913
You'll grow restless.
414
00:16:24,799 --> 00:16:27,567
You'll start calling
the milkman "Joe".
415
00:16:29,454 --> 00:16:31,221
Joe?
416
00:16:31,289 --> 00:16:33,774
Tell me the truth, Laverne.
Are you doing this because...
417
00:16:33,841 --> 00:16:35,442
you're in trouble?
418
00:16:35,510 --> 00:16:37,878
Watch your mouth, Shirl.
419
00:16:37,946 --> 00:16:40,113
I'm wearing white.
420
00:16:40,181 --> 00:16:41,848
Then I don't understand.
421
00:16:41,916 --> 00:16:43,884
Why are you doing this?
422
00:16:46,754 --> 00:16:48,455
Because I'm scared, Shirl.
423
00:16:48,522 --> 00:16:52,159
I mean, when Sal asked me
to marry him, I was stunned.
424
00:16:52,227 --> 00:16:54,794
I didn't expect him to...
425
00:16:54,863 --> 00:16:58,999
Sometimes you think
you'll never hear those words.
426
00:16:59,067 --> 00:17:02,236
And then I thought
I'd never hear them again.
427
00:17:02,303 --> 00:17:04,271
That's scary.
428
00:17:05,773 --> 00:17:07,308
Oh, Vernie,
429
00:17:07,375 --> 00:17:10,444
you make me so sad,
talking like that.
430
00:17:10,511 --> 00:17:12,579
You're such a great girl.
431
00:17:12,647 --> 00:17:14,648
I mean, you're the best.
432
00:17:14,716 --> 00:17:18,636
And you should
give yourself
a fair shake.
433
00:17:18,703 --> 00:17:22,439
You should wait for a guy who
gives you goose bumps all over.
434
00:17:22,507 --> 00:17:23,823
( knocking )
435
00:17:23,891 --> 00:17:25,659
Is everything
all right, Laverne?
436
00:17:25,726 --> 00:17:26,793
Can I come in?
437
00:17:26,861 --> 00:17:29,530
Uh, park it
a minute, huh, Sal?
438
00:17:29,597 --> 00:17:30,531
Okay.
439
00:17:30,598 --> 00:17:32,766
Please?
440
00:17:32,833 --> 00:17:35,835
He's a good guy.
441
00:17:35,903 --> 00:17:39,273
He's great looking,
pays attention to me,
442
00:17:39,340 --> 00:17:42,742
calls me when he says
he's going to call.
443
00:17:42,810 --> 00:17:45,529
He thinks I'm pretty.
444
00:17:48,032 --> 00:17:50,166
He's a good guy, Shirl.
445
00:17:50,234 --> 00:17:52,852
Yes, he is.
446
00:17:52,920 --> 00:17:56,640
And he deserves better
than you, Laverne.
447
00:17:56,708 --> 00:17:59,710
You just said
I was the best.
448
00:17:59,777 --> 00:18:01,612
You're not good
enough for him.
449
00:18:01,679 --> 00:18:04,381
He deserves a wife
who will cherish him.
450
00:18:04,449 --> 00:18:07,951
One who really loves him...
who's in love with him.
451
00:18:08,019 --> 00:18:10,821
Will you stop with those
Prince Charming speeches, Shirl?
452
00:18:10,889 --> 00:18:14,024
I don't want to hear
about bells ringing
when he kisses me
453
00:18:14,092 --> 00:18:16,460
or goose bumps
when he touches me.
454
00:18:16,528 --> 00:18:17,695
That's for kids.
455
00:18:17,762 --> 00:18:20,230
I'm doing
the right thing, Shirl.
456
00:18:20,298 --> 00:18:22,032
I may not love him now,
457
00:18:22,100 --> 00:18:25,168
but in time,
I will grow to love him.
458
00:18:25,236 --> 00:18:27,604
You really think
459
00:18:27,672 --> 00:18:31,775
that he wants to marry a girl
who will grow to love him?
460
00:18:31,843 --> 00:18:34,110
Ha, ha!
461
00:18:34,178 --> 00:18:37,480
Don't make me laugh, Laverne.
462
00:18:37,549 --> 00:18:39,917
Ha, ha, ha!
463
00:18:39,984 --> 00:18:42,485
Ha, ha, ha...!
464
00:18:55,583 --> 00:18:56,850
Hi, Sal.
Come on in.
465
00:18:56,918 --> 00:18:59,987
Hi. What happened to
Shirley at the church?
466
00:19:00,054 --> 00:19:02,856
Oh, nothing, she's just
a little crazy.
467
00:19:02,924 --> 00:19:04,424
You know something,
Laverne?
468
00:19:04,492 --> 00:19:07,460
If you used 150-watt bulbs,
it'd be a lot lighter in here.
469
00:19:07,528 --> 00:19:10,597
Sal, there's something
I want to talk to you about.
470
00:19:10,665 --> 00:19:12,299
You know, a fluorescent fixture
in the kitchen
471
00:19:12,367 --> 00:19:13,968
would really modernize
the whole room.
472
00:19:14,035 --> 00:19:15,135
Wait a minute.
473
00:19:15,203 --> 00:19:18,105
You're not going to be
living here, anyway.
474
00:19:19,140 --> 00:19:21,508
Sal, I really
like you a lot.
475
00:19:21,576 --> 00:19:23,810
I like you, too, Laverne.
476
00:19:23,878 --> 00:19:25,946
There's something I
want to tell you.
477
00:19:26,014 --> 00:19:27,814
Sit down.
478
00:19:30,218 --> 00:19:32,686
I don't get goose bumps.
479
00:19:33,805 --> 00:19:35,305
Never?
480
00:19:35,373 --> 00:19:37,174
Not even when you come out
of the shower?
481
00:19:37,242 --> 00:19:38,642
Oh, yeah, then I...
482
00:19:38,709 --> 00:19:40,644
Oh, no, no.
483
00:19:40,711 --> 00:19:42,112
The...
484
00:19:42,180 --> 00:19:45,548
Sal, at this very
moment in time,
485
00:19:45,617 --> 00:19:48,919
I really like you
a lot, but...
486
00:19:48,987 --> 00:19:52,055
You're a terrific guy, but...
487
00:19:52,123 --> 00:19:55,025
And you treat me
so good, but...
488
00:19:55,093 --> 00:19:56,976
But you don't love me?
489
00:19:58,413 --> 00:20:00,530
So, you'll grow to love me.
490
00:20:02,517 --> 00:20:06,286
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
491
00:20:08,690 --> 00:20:10,390
You hear that, Shirl?
492
00:20:10,458 --> 00:20:12,892
I'm not
listening.
493
00:20:14,362 --> 00:20:16,830
But he's wrong.
494
00:20:16,897 --> 00:20:18,164
Wrong about what?
495
00:20:18,233 --> 00:20:21,201
Oh, just something about
a milkman named Joe.
496
00:20:22,604 --> 00:20:24,104
Let me ask you something.
497
00:20:24,171 --> 00:20:25,772
Did you ever go to a dance
498
00:20:25,840 --> 00:20:28,542
with a girl that was
really crazy about you?
499
00:20:28,610 --> 00:20:29,793
Sure, plenty.
500
00:20:29,861 --> 00:20:31,995
Uh, a couple of times.
501
00:20:32,063 --> 00:20:33,163
How was it?
502
00:20:33,231 --> 00:20:34,397
Oh, it was terrific.
503
00:20:34,465 --> 00:20:36,466
Did you ever go to
a dance with a girl
504
00:20:36,534 --> 00:20:38,468
who just wanted to
be at the dance?
505
00:20:40,055 --> 00:20:41,155
Yeah.
506
00:20:41,222 --> 00:20:43,657
How was that?
507
00:20:43,724 --> 00:20:45,492
It was one long evening.
508
00:20:47,028 --> 00:20:48,728
This is no dance, Sal.
509
00:20:48,796 --> 00:20:50,997
I mean, this is the big one.
510
00:20:51,066 --> 00:20:54,501
On and on, forever and
ever and on and on...
511
00:20:54,569 --> 00:20:56,869
I got it, I got it.
512
00:20:58,172 --> 00:20:59,606
You think maybe we should wait
513
00:20:59,673 --> 00:21:01,941
until the three of us
are a little more sure?
514
00:21:06,097 --> 00:21:10,267
I think we may...
need some more time
to think about it.
515
00:21:10,335 --> 00:21:11,501
But in the meantime,
516
00:21:11,569 --> 00:21:14,037
we could still go on
seeing each other and stuff.
517
00:21:14,105 --> 00:21:15,873
I'll write you.
518
00:21:15,940 --> 00:21:17,825
I'll write you back.
519
00:21:17,892 --> 00:21:19,125
Sure you don't hate me?
520
00:21:19,193 --> 00:21:20,861
Nah.
521
00:21:20,929 --> 00:21:23,530
I'm going to get you
a fluorescent fixture
for the kitchen...
522
00:21:23,598 --> 00:21:26,099
at cost.
523
00:21:26,167 --> 00:21:28,201
Sal?
524
00:21:35,026 --> 00:21:36,543
See you.
525
00:21:44,352 --> 00:21:46,853
No goose bumps.
526
00:21:56,497 --> 00:21:57,748
I wasn't listening.
527
00:21:59,099 --> 00:22:01,418
I'm crying, because I'm...
528
00:22:01,485 --> 00:22:04,654
I was peeling onions in bed.
529
00:22:08,276 --> 00:22:09,343
( sighs )
530
00:22:09,410 --> 00:22:11,878
Well, what am I supposed
to do now?
531
00:22:11,946 --> 00:22:15,248
Sit in my wedding dress
and watch Seahunt?
532
00:22:15,316 --> 00:22:17,684
No, Vernie,
it's going to be okay.
533
00:22:17,752 --> 00:22:21,221
Yeah, I think it will.
I think he understood.
534
00:22:21,289 --> 00:22:22,222
Yes, he did.
535
00:22:22,290 --> 00:22:23,223
Shirl?
536
00:22:23,291 --> 00:22:24,491
You're welcome.
537
00:22:25,643 --> 00:22:26,576
Laverne?
538
00:22:26,644 --> 00:22:28,211
Hmm?
539
00:22:28,279 --> 00:22:30,580
I just wasn't fair
the other night.
540
00:22:30,648 --> 00:22:33,850
Carmine won me
all these stuffed
animals, and...
541
00:22:33,918 --> 00:22:36,753
I want you to
have my panda.
542
00:22:38,656 --> 00:22:41,291
What's the matter,
Laverne?
543
00:22:41,358 --> 00:22:43,794
I like the horsie better.
544
00:22:43,861 --> 00:22:45,462
Take him, he's yours.
545
00:22:45,530 --> 00:22:48,565
I was going to make
a little suit for
my panda, anyway.
546
00:23:06,484 --> 00:23:08,285
Pop, I got to tell
you something.
547
00:23:08,352 --> 00:23:09,486
I know.
548
00:23:09,554 --> 00:23:11,721
Cancel one grandson.
549
00:23:11,789 --> 00:23:15,325
Someday, you'll get
a grandson, I promise.
550
00:23:15,393 --> 00:23:17,294
Don't hurry,
there's no hurry.
551
00:23:17,361 --> 00:23:19,762
I'm too young
to be a grandfather.
552
00:23:19,830 --> 00:23:22,549
Yeah, I'm sorry I
disappointed you, Pop.
553
00:23:22,616 --> 00:23:24,467
Aw, muffin...
554
00:23:24,535 --> 00:23:28,304
you can never disappoint me.
555
00:23:28,372 --> 00:23:30,073
I wasn't a boy.
556
00:23:30,141 --> 00:23:32,693
I didn't blame you for that.
557
00:23:32,760 --> 00:23:35,161
I blamed that doctor.
558
00:23:35,229 --> 00:23:37,931
That dummy doctor, he couldn't
keep anything straight.
559
00:23:37,999 --> 00:23:40,767
I'd like to see him,
I'd like to do a few things...
560
00:23:40,835 --> 00:23:42,936
Come on, Laverne, we're
going to do the stroll.
561
00:23:43,004 --> 00:23:44,404
Come on!
562
00:23:44,471 --> 00:23:46,640
( "You Send Me" plays )
563
00:23:46,707 --> 00:23:49,843
One, two,
three, four...
564
00:23:56,951 --> 00:23:57,884
Whoop!
565
00:23:57,952 --> 00:23:59,052
Hey!
566
00:24:01,172 --> 00:24:02,506
Hey, I got it.
567
00:24:07,411 --> 00:24:09,279
Yeah, that's it.
568
00:24:13,384 --> 00:24:18,321
¶ Darling, you thrill me
569
00:24:18,323 --> 00:24:22,025
¶ Honest, you do...
570
00:24:29,751 --> 00:24:33,670
( theme music playing )
571
00:24:33,738 --> 00:24:35,338
¶ We're gonna do it
572
00:24:35,406 --> 00:24:38,308
¶ On your mark,
get set and go now ¶
573
00:24:38,375 --> 00:24:40,777
¶ Got a dream,
and we just know now ¶
574
00:24:40,845 --> 00:24:45,832
¶ We're gonna make
that dream come true ¶
575
00:24:45,900 --> 00:24:49,635
¶ And we'll do it our way,
yes, our way ¶
576
00:24:49,703 --> 00:24:54,640
¶ Make all our dreams
come true ¶
577
00:24:54,708 --> 00:24:59,445
¶ For me and you.
45873
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