Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,852 --> 00:00:03,485
♪ One, two, three, four ♪
2
00:00:03,554 --> 00:00:05,320
♪ Five, six, seven, eight ♪
3
00:00:05,389 --> 00:00:07,122
♪ Schlemiel, Schlemazel ♪
4
00:00:07,190 --> 00:00:09,374
♪ Hasenpfeffer, Incorporated ♪
5
00:00:10,945 --> 00:00:11,985
♪ We're gonna do it ♪
6
00:00:12,029 --> 00:00:13,745
♪ Give us any chance ♪
7
00:00:13,814 --> 00:00:15,080
♪ We'll take it ♪
8
00:00:15,148 --> 00:00:16,915
♪ Read us any rule ♪
9
00:00:16,984 --> 00:00:18,316
♪ We'll break it ♪
10
00:00:18,385 --> 00:00:21,836
♪ We're gonna make
our dreams come true ♪
11
00:00:21,905 --> 00:00:23,271
♪ Doing it our way ♪
12
00:00:23,340 --> 00:00:26,558
♪ Nothing's gonna
turn us back now ♪
13
00:00:26,626 --> 00:00:30,595
♪ Straight ahead
and on the track now ♪
14
00:00:30,664 --> 00:00:33,831
♪ We're gonna make
our dreams come true ♪
15
00:00:33,900 --> 00:00:35,967
♪ Doing it our way ♪
16
00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:38,770
♪ There is nothing
we won't try ♪
17
00:00:38,839 --> 00:00:41,072
♪ Never heard the
word "impossible" ♪
18
00:00:41,141 --> 00:00:44,809
♪ This time, there's
no stopping us ♪
19
00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:46,711
♪ We're gonna do it ♪
20
00:00:46,780 --> 00:00:49,832
♪ On your mark,
get set and go now ♪
21
00:00:49,900 --> 00:00:53,368
♪ Got a dream, and
we just know now ♪
22
00:00:53,437 --> 00:00:57,405
♪ We're gonna make
that dream come true ♪
23
00:00:57,475 --> 00:01:01,593
♪ And we'll do it our
way, yes, our way ♪
24
00:01:01,662 --> 00:01:03,406
♪ Make all our
dreams come true ♪
25
00:01:03,430 --> 00:01:07,399
♪ And we'll do it our
way, yes, our way ♪
26
00:01:07,467 --> 00:01:12,036
♪ Make all our
dreams come true ♪
27
00:01:12,105 --> 00:01:17,459
♪ For me and you. ♪
28
00:01:20,530 --> 00:01:24,132
Laverne and Shirley is filmed
before a studio audience.
29
00:01:43,887 --> 00:01:45,320
Here's your milk, Shirl.
30
00:01:45,389 --> 00:01:47,088
Come on, let's go eat outside.
31
00:01:47,157 --> 00:01:49,091
Luncheon outside?
32
00:01:49,159 --> 00:01:51,643
It must be 30 degrees out there.
33
00:01:51,712 --> 00:01:54,896
Well, it's invigorating...
Works up an appetite.
34
00:01:54,965 --> 00:01:56,565
That's how the Swedes eat.
35
00:01:56,634 --> 00:01:59,317
Please, Laverne, I'm
reading my etiquette book.
36
00:01:59,386 --> 00:02:02,320
You need etiquette
for the places you go?
37
00:02:02,389 --> 00:02:04,656
One day, I'd like to
eat at a restaurant
38
00:02:04,725 --> 00:02:06,758
where the menu
doesn't have a picture
39
00:02:06,827 --> 00:02:08,560
of burgers, fries and a Coke.
40
00:02:10,046 --> 00:02:11,313
Come on, Shirl.
41
00:02:11,381 --> 00:02:12,758
Let's go out and
sit on the bench
42
00:02:12,782 --> 00:02:14,878
and watch the men load
up the trucks. That's fun.
43
00:02:14,902 --> 00:02:16,318
That is not fun.
44
00:02:16,386 --> 00:02:18,987
They make vile
comments about my lunch.
45
00:02:19,056 --> 00:02:22,624
"Hey, baby, how's
your tuna fish?"
46
00:02:22,693 --> 00:02:24,242
Well, I'm going to go outside.
47
00:02:24,310 --> 00:02:27,011
Oh, I know what
this is all about.
48
00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:29,113
It's Friday, and you don't want
49
00:02:29,182 --> 00:02:31,015
to be here when you-know-who
50
00:02:31,084 --> 00:02:33,352
comes through
with the Shotz Tour.
51
00:02:33,420 --> 00:02:35,920
That's right, Miss Karen Clopton
52
00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:38,690
with her nose
stuck up in the air,
53
00:02:38,759 --> 00:02:41,270
putting us down
in front of the tour,
54
00:02:41,294 --> 00:02:43,206
calling us unskilled labor.
55
00:02:43,230 --> 00:02:44,696
Well, I got skills.
56
00:02:44,765 --> 00:02:47,015
Laverne, please,
don't make a scene.
57
00:02:47,083 --> 00:02:49,951
They'll hear about it upstairs
and you'll lose your job.
58
00:02:50,020 --> 00:02:52,704
Now, promise me
that you'll ignore her.
59
00:02:52,773 --> 00:02:55,040
I promise I'll try.
60
00:02:55,108 --> 00:02:57,025
You better, because Karen
61
00:02:57,094 --> 00:02:59,294
would just love
to get you fired.
62
00:02:59,363 --> 00:03:02,764
And this is where
the unskilled workers
63
00:03:02,833 --> 00:03:03,999
take their break.
64
00:03:04,067 --> 00:03:06,467
Shotz Beer is very democratic
65
00:03:06,536 --> 00:03:10,438
in hiring people for
their assembly-line jobs.
66
00:03:10,507 --> 00:03:13,058
Don't push her, Karen.
67
00:03:13,126 --> 00:03:15,861
You don't even need
a high school diploma.
68
00:03:15,930 --> 00:03:19,848
I have a diploma...
And a punctuality pin.
69
00:03:21,451 --> 00:03:23,929
Laverne is in bottling,
70
00:03:23,953 --> 00:03:25,853
but don't worry, folks,
71
00:03:25,922 --> 00:03:29,391
that girl's hands
never touch the beer.
72
00:03:31,728 --> 00:03:33,861
Put the bottle down.
Put the bottle down.
73
00:03:33,930 --> 00:03:35,030
Put the bottle down.
74
00:03:35,098 --> 00:03:39,534
There. You showed
very good self-control.
75
00:03:39,602 --> 00:03:41,403
You behaved just like a lady.
76
00:03:41,471 --> 00:03:43,516
I'm gonna wait
for her after work
77
00:03:43,540 --> 00:03:45,700
and stick her name
tag up her nose.
78
00:03:45,743 --> 00:03:49,044
No, no. That would
not be ladylike.
79
00:03:49,112 --> 00:03:50,545
What is ladylike?
80
00:03:50,613 --> 00:03:52,681
You want to get even with Karen?
81
00:03:52,749 --> 00:03:53,882
Yeah.
82
00:03:53,950 --> 00:03:56,601
Beat her on the field of honor.
83
00:03:56,670 --> 00:03:59,037
The vacant lot
next to the bakery?
84
00:04:00,373 --> 00:04:01,740
The bowling alley.
85
00:04:01,809 --> 00:04:04,843
Yeah, I could give her
a noogie with a tenpin.
86
00:04:04,911 --> 00:04:08,296
No. What is tomorrow night?
87
00:04:08,364 --> 00:04:10,631
The company bowling tournament.
88
00:04:10,701 --> 00:04:12,867
Right! Beat Karen's
team in the championship,
89
00:04:12,936 --> 00:04:14,302
and she'll die.
90
00:04:14,370 --> 00:04:15,787
Yeah.
91
00:04:15,856 --> 00:04:18,439
If we really try, we can win.
92
00:04:18,508 --> 00:04:19,441
We start tonight
93
00:04:19,509 --> 00:04:20,753
right after work and practice?
94
00:04:20,777 --> 00:04:22,710
That's the spirit,
Laverne. You see?
95
00:04:23,913 --> 00:04:26,981
Now, isn't this
better than fighting?
96
00:04:27,050 --> 00:04:28,867
You get even with Karen
97
00:04:28,936 --> 00:04:32,453
and, at the same time, you
preserve your human dignity.
98
00:04:32,522 --> 00:04:35,156
Yeah, and then
right after we win,
99
00:04:35,225 --> 00:04:39,994
I'll just sort of saunter up
to Karen, with all my dignity,
100
00:04:40,063 --> 00:04:42,798
and say, "Karen..."
101
00:04:47,220 --> 00:04:49,337
No, I kid, but Emily
Post says... No, no...
102
00:04:49,406 --> 00:04:52,006
See, Emily Post says that
when you order an entree...
103
00:04:52,075 --> 00:04:53,441
All right! All right!
104
00:04:53,510 --> 00:04:56,010
Let's put the makeup away
and stop the chattering.
105
00:04:56,079 --> 00:04:58,079
They're all yours, Coach.
106
00:05:00,033 --> 00:05:02,433
Okay, before we
start practice tonight,
107
00:05:02,502 --> 00:05:07,305
I want to go over a few of the
problems we seem to be having.
108
00:05:07,373 --> 00:05:10,225
Tina, you got to let go
of your ball a little sooner.
109
00:05:12,679 --> 00:05:16,631
It should roll down the alley,
not bounce down the alley.
110
00:05:16,699 --> 00:05:17,977
Right.
111
00:05:18,001 --> 00:05:20,985
And, uh, Mildred,
you have to hold on
112
00:05:21,055 --> 00:05:22,899
to your ball a little longer.
113
00:05:22,923 --> 00:05:25,323
Last year you
left it on the bus.
114
00:05:25,392 --> 00:05:28,776
Go with her, Tina.
Call the bus company.
115
00:05:28,845 --> 00:05:30,495
We'll wait here.
116
00:05:30,564 --> 00:05:33,482
I, uh...
117
00:05:33,550 --> 00:05:37,652
noticed that you didn't have
any comments about my bowling.
118
00:05:37,721 --> 00:05:41,256
Have I really
improved that much?
119
00:05:41,325 --> 00:05:44,342
No.
120
00:05:44,411 --> 00:05:45,977
Oh. Well, then, I think that...
121
00:05:46,045 --> 00:05:47,256
Look, Shirl, the reason
122
00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:48,858
I don't criticize your bowling
123
00:05:48,882 --> 00:05:51,293
is you're so sensitive
and you always overreact...
124
00:05:51,317 --> 00:05:53,596
Oh, hush, I do not
overreact... You do, you do.
125
00:05:53,620 --> 00:05:56,020
No, really, I don't. Try me.
126
00:05:56,089 --> 00:06:01,359
Well, Shirl, when you bowl...
127
00:06:04,698 --> 00:06:07,031
You take too many steps.
128
00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:15,506
See there?
129
00:06:15,575 --> 00:06:18,643
I didn't overreact.
130
00:06:18,711 --> 00:06:20,645
I quit the team!
131
00:06:20,713 --> 00:06:21,940
Oh, Shirl, Shirl.
132
00:06:21,964 --> 00:06:24,532
I'm sorry, but nine
steps is too many.
133
00:06:24,600 --> 00:06:26,000
Nine is my lucky number.
134
00:06:26,069 --> 00:06:28,098
23 is mine. If I
followed your theory,
135
00:06:28,122 --> 00:06:30,872
I'd just walk down the
alley and kick the pins over.
136
00:06:30,940 --> 00:06:33,441
With your feet, you wouldn't
need that many steps!
137
00:06:33,510 --> 00:06:35,021
Ho, ho, ho, well,
with your mouth...
138
00:06:35,045 --> 00:06:36,222
My mouth?
139
00:06:36,246 --> 00:06:38,013
Oh, oh, bless you, Laverne.
140
00:06:38,081 --> 00:06:39,580
Are you all right?
141
00:06:39,649 --> 00:06:41,694
Yeah, I'm fine. It's
just a little chilly in here.
142
00:06:41,718 --> 00:06:42,650
Chilly in here?
143
00:06:42,719 --> 00:06:44,119
It's a thousand degrees in here.
144
00:06:44,187 --> 00:06:46,921
Oh... Let me feel your forehead.
145
00:06:46,990 --> 00:06:48,956
You're burning up.
146
00:06:49,026 --> 00:06:51,371
Shirl, they're
looking at us here.
147
00:06:51,395 --> 00:06:52,727
Vernie, you've got a fever.
148
00:06:52,795 --> 00:06:54,035
Oh, what did you expect?
149
00:06:54,064 --> 00:06:56,331
You said it was a
thousand degrees in here.
150
00:06:56,400 --> 00:06:57,465
Here. Liquids.
151
00:06:57,534 --> 00:06:58,666
Drink liquids.
152
00:06:58,735 --> 00:07:00,101
I don't think you
should practice.
153
00:07:00,170 --> 00:07:02,070
If you practice, you're
going to go in there,
154
00:07:02,139 --> 00:07:03,538
get overheated,
go out in the cold,
155
00:07:03,606 --> 00:07:04,805
catch pneumonia, and die.
156
00:07:06,343 --> 00:07:08,321
What are you talking about?
157
00:07:08,345 --> 00:07:09,677
Wendy Balonka.
158
00:07:09,746 --> 00:07:12,881
Oh, Shirl, not another
one of your horror stories
159
00:07:12,949 --> 00:07:16,083
about a head cold that
wiped out a city block.
160
00:07:16,152 --> 00:07:20,088
It took her two years to
grow her hair back, Laverne.
161
00:07:21,708 --> 00:07:23,686
Shirl, believe
me, I am not sick,
162
00:07:23,710 --> 00:07:27,194
and there is nothing in this
place that will make me sick.
163
00:07:27,263 --> 00:07:28,513
Hello, girls.
164
00:07:30,250 --> 00:07:32,061
Laverne, you got any butter?
165
00:07:32,085 --> 00:07:33,085
No butter here.
166
00:07:33,119 --> 00:07:34,396
We don't need no butter.
167
00:07:34,420 --> 00:07:36,031
Just let me give it one yank.
168
00:07:36,055 --> 00:07:40,107
No, no, I wouldn't, I...
169
00:07:40,176 --> 00:07:41,754
Ow! What are you trying to do?
170
00:07:41,778 --> 00:07:43,355
You trying to rupture my hand?
171
00:07:43,379 --> 00:07:44,590
This is serious.
172
00:07:44,614 --> 00:07:47,054
Uh... bring me a good lubricant.
173
00:07:47,083 --> 00:07:49,523
I'll try some olive oil.
174
00:07:53,056 --> 00:07:54,622
How did you do that, Leonard?
175
00:07:54,690 --> 00:07:56,991
I didn't do it, Shirley.
176
00:07:57,060 --> 00:07:58,676
Karen Clopton did it.
177
00:07:58,745 --> 00:07:59,927
Is Karen in there?
178
00:07:59,996 --> 00:08:01,596
Don't think about Karen.
179
00:08:01,665 --> 00:08:04,816
Yeah, I made some
comment about her body
180
00:08:04,884 --> 00:08:08,286
and she jammed this
lady's ball on my hand.
181
00:08:08,355 --> 00:08:10,488
Okay, if this don't work,
182
00:08:10,557 --> 00:08:11,967
then we'll just chain the ball
183
00:08:11,991 --> 00:08:13,703
to the back of the
car and drag you
184
00:08:13,727 --> 00:08:15,338
around the block
for a half hour.
185
00:08:15,362 --> 00:08:18,146
Hurry up. That's my
scratching hand, too.
186
00:08:18,214 --> 00:08:22,316
Boy, that Karen sure
hates you, Laverne.
187
00:08:22,385 --> 00:08:25,253
She called you... pelican-puss.
188
00:08:27,341 --> 00:08:28,341
Pelican-puss?
189
00:08:28,408 --> 00:08:30,959
Maybe it's some
kind of compliment.
190
00:08:31,028 --> 00:08:32,510
Yeah.
191
00:08:32,579 --> 00:08:35,796
Maybe she don't
know pelicans are ugly.
192
00:08:35,865 --> 00:08:37,059
I'm going to kill her.
193
00:08:37,083 --> 00:08:38,627
Bless you. Bless you.
194
00:08:38,651 --> 00:08:40,869
What are you going to
do, sneeze her to death?
195
00:08:40,937 --> 00:08:42,782
Shirl, I got to go in there
196
00:08:42,806 --> 00:08:46,458
and show that cow that
she can't call me no pelican.
197
00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:48,193
No, it was "pelican-puss."
198
00:08:48,262 --> 00:08:49,722
Shut up!
199
00:08:49,746 --> 00:08:52,730
I'm going to try,
uh, uh, vinegar.
200
00:08:52,799 --> 00:08:55,115
You promised to get
even through bowling.
201
00:08:55,184 --> 00:08:56,451
Now, let's go practice.
202
00:08:56,520 --> 00:09:00,137
Yeah, all right...
Gimme that ball.
203
00:09:02,676 --> 00:09:05,009
What'd you do, lose it?
204
00:09:11,668 --> 00:09:12,600
Who is it?
205
00:09:12,669 --> 00:09:14,002
It's me, Carmine!
206
00:09:17,340 --> 00:09:18,968
Can't be too careful these days.
207
00:09:18,992 --> 00:09:21,208
Hey, the Big Ragoo is here.
208
00:09:21,277 --> 00:09:22,327
Hi, Carmine.
209
00:09:22,396 --> 00:09:23,439
What are you doing
210
00:09:23,463 --> 00:09:24,412
carrying your socks around?
211
00:09:24,481 --> 00:09:25,591
Oh, there's some people
212
00:09:25,615 --> 00:09:27,026
from the Milwaukee Mercy Mission
213
00:09:27,050 --> 00:09:28,449
in the building collecting
214
00:09:28,518 --> 00:09:30,730
and, uh, they like it when
you give them nice stuff.
215
00:09:30,754 --> 00:09:32,520
What do you want, Carmine?
216
00:09:32,589 --> 00:09:33,749
Oh, yeah, Laverne.
217
00:09:33,773 --> 00:09:34,984
Hey, you all set
for tonight, huh?
218
00:09:35,008 --> 00:09:36,285
You're not nervous or anything?
219
00:09:36,309 --> 00:09:37,353
You're not going to choke
220
00:09:37,377 --> 00:09:38,554
on me, are you? No.
221
00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:39,922
Good, because me,
Lenny and Squiggy,
222
00:09:39,946 --> 00:09:41,690
we got up 25 bucks
for the game tonight.
223
00:09:41,714 --> 00:09:42,958
Yeah? I just wanted to stop by
224
00:09:42,982 --> 00:09:44,048
to wish you luck.
225
00:09:44,117 --> 00:09:46,784
Thanks. Uh, Carmine, Yeah?
226
00:09:46,853 --> 00:09:48,797
Laverne might not
be bowling tonight.
227
00:09:48,821 --> 00:09:50,188
She's a very sick girl.
228
00:09:51,174 --> 00:09:53,107
Don't look sick to me.
229
00:09:54,377 --> 00:09:55,309
She's sick. See there?
230
00:09:55,378 --> 00:09:56,578
I am not that sick.
231
00:09:56,646 --> 00:09:57,996
You don't understand.
232
00:09:58,064 --> 00:10:00,564
Laverne is the only chance
that your team has got.
233
00:10:00,633 --> 00:10:01,549
What about me?
234
00:10:01,618 --> 00:10:03,567
You're the other team's chance.
235
00:10:05,722 --> 00:10:07,321
I don't get it.
236
00:10:08,508 --> 00:10:10,341
You're not going to let me down,
237
00:10:10,410 --> 00:10:11,476
are you, Laverne?
238
00:10:11,544 --> 00:10:13,189
No, Carmine, first
strike's for you.
239
00:10:13,213 --> 00:10:14,145
Great.
240
00:10:14,214 --> 00:10:15,308
I'll get some more money,
241
00:10:15,332 --> 00:10:16,598
buy some new socks.
242
00:10:16,666 --> 00:10:18,999
♪ You know I'd go
from rags to riches ♪
243
00:10:19,068 --> 00:10:20,613
♪ If you would only
say you care... ♪
244
00:10:20,637 --> 00:10:21,752
All right.
245
00:10:21,821 --> 00:10:23,421
You lie down right there.
246
00:10:23,490 --> 00:10:26,641
I'm going to fix you a
nice cup of hot yeast tea.
247
00:10:26,709 --> 00:10:28,676
Uh, I'll take a rain check.
248
00:10:28,745 --> 00:10:30,128
I got to practice.
249
00:10:30,196 --> 00:10:33,080
Laverne, the doctor's
coming over here to see you.
250
00:10:33,149 --> 00:10:34,799
What are you worrying about?
251
00:10:34,867 --> 00:10:37,302
That's what you are,
you're a worry-wart.
252
00:10:37,371 --> 00:10:40,221
All right, fine, then the
doctor will come over here,
253
00:10:40,290 --> 00:10:41,890
say, "Shirley is a worry-wart.
254
00:10:41,958 --> 00:10:43,691
Laverne is fine, she can bowl."
255
00:10:43,760 --> 00:10:47,896
Otherwise, you
stay right here in bed.
256
00:10:47,964 --> 00:10:49,141
The team needs me.
257
00:10:49,165 --> 00:10:51,098
The team will win for you,
258
00:10:51,167 --> 00:10:53,034
just like in the movies.
259
00:10:53,102 --> 00:10:54,385
You don't understand, Shirl.
260
00:10:54,454 --> 00:10:56,154
You just don't understand.
261
00:10:56,223 --> 00:10:58,673
I want to be there when we win.
262
00:10:58,742 --> 00:11:01,509
I want to tell Karen what
I've wanted to tell her
263
00:11:01,578 --> 00:11:03,311
for the last five years.
264
00:11:04,880 --> 00:11:07,248
I am so sorry I
made such a big thing
265
00:11:07,317 --> 00:11:09,317
out of this bowling tournament.
266
00:11:09,385 --> 00:11:12,870
All right, I've said
all I'm going to say.
267
00:11:12,939 --> 00:11:14,689
Now, if you'll excuse me,
268
00:11:14,757 --> 00:11:17,391
I'm going about my
morning grooming.
269
00:11:20,363 --> 00:11:23,681
You lie down right there
until the doctor comes.
270
00:11:23,750 --> 00:11:25,833
Okay, I'll lie down.
271
00:11:25,901 --> 00:11:27,201
Maybe you're right.
272
00:11:27,270 --> 00:11:28,781
You won't be sorry, Laverne.
273
00:11:28,805 --> 00:11:30,382
You can get even next year.
274
00:11:30,406 --> 00:11:32,819
I heard the trophy's
going to be bigger,
275
00:11:32,843 --> 00:11:35,376
and it'll give us a
whole year to practice,
276
00:11:35,445 --> 00:11:38,012
and maybe I can cut
my steps down to eight.
277
00:11:38,081 --> 00:11:39,592
Uh, now you just go to bed
278
00:11:39,616 --> 00:11:42,394
and take it easy and
you'll be better in no time,
279
00:11:42,418 --> 00:11:44,664
and don't try to
leave, 'cause you know
280
00:11:44,688 --> 00:11:48,368
I'll catch you. I'm faster
than you are, Laverne.
281
00:11:50,977 --> 00:11:52,576
Laverne?! Laverne,
282
00:11:52,645 --> 00:11:54,762
you know I can out-run you!
283
00:12:02,389 --> 00:12:05,390
I may be sick, but I'm smart.
284
00:12:15,151 --> 00:12:17,251
Get on the couch, Laverne.
285
00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:19,187
The doctor will be right here.
286
00:12:19,255 --> 00:12:20,721
Who'd you call?
287
00:12:20,790 --> 00:12:21,967
Shipkowsky.
288
00:12:21,991 --> 00:12:23,858
Shipkowsky? I
never heard of him.
289
00:12:23,927 --> 00:12:25,671
Yeah, well, he's new
in the neighborhood.
290
00:12:25,695 --> 00:12:28,095
A new doctor? What
am I, a guinea pig?
291
00:12:28,164 --> 00:12:30,342
Well, he may need the
money and be cheaper.
292
00:12:34,236 --> 00:12:35,269
Who is it?
293
00:12:35,337 --> 00:12:36,671
Dr. Shipkowsky.
294
00:12:38,808 --> 00:12:41,141
Come in, Doctor.
295
00:12:41,210 --> 00:12:43,310
There's our patient.
296
00:12:43,379 --> 00:12:44,678
What seems to be the trouble?
297
00:12:44,747 --> 00:12:47,176
Uh, it's a serious cold.
298
00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:48,599
You're a doctor?
299
00:12:48,668 --> 00:12:51,218
Well, if I'm not, I'm going
to get a parking ticket.
300
00:12:51,287 --> 00:12:53,554
Aren't you a little
young to be a doctor?
301
00:12:53,622 --> 00:12:57,102
No, everybody in my
graduating class was my age.
302
00:12:57,126 --> 00:12:58,771
I'd like to wash up
before I examine you.
303
00:12:58,795 --> 00:13:00,260
Where's the, uh...?
304
00:13:00,329 --> 00:13:05,532
The "uh" is down at the
end of the hallway there.
305
00:13:05,601 --> 00:13:08,202
That guy is not examining me.
306
00:13:08,271 --> 00:13:09,948
Why not? He's a doctor.
307
00:13:09,972 --> 00:13:12,006
Yeah, but he's
young and handsome,
308
00:13:12,074 --> 00:13:15,042
and he's got all his hair.
309
00:13:15,110 --> 00:13:17,210
Before a guy like
that examines me,
310
00:13:17,279 --> 00:13:18,412
he marries me first.
311
00:13:18,480 --> 00:13:22,466
Oh, Laverne, you look fine.
312
00:13:22,535 --> 00:13:24,618
Oh, I wish I had
worn my baby-doll.
313
00:13:24,687 --> 00:13:26,465
Does my hair look
okay? You look fine.
314
00:13:26,489 --> 00:13:27,699
Look, all right.
315
00:13:27,723 --> 00:13:30,508
Don't be silly, this
man took an oath.
316
00:13:32,895 --> 00:13:34,094
Uh...
317
00:13:34,180 --> 00:13:37,164
I'll be glad to assist in
any way I can, Doctor.
318
00:13:37,232 --> 00:13:38,165
Well, thank you.
319
00:13:38,233 --> 00:13:39,967
I better scrub up myself.
320
00:13:41,503 --> 00:13:42,803
Now let's have a look at you.
321
00:13:42,871 --> 00:13:44,972
Here I am.
322
00:13:47,727 --> 00:13:49,626
There, Laverne.
323
00:13:49,695 --> 00:13:51,123
That wasn't bad, was it?
324
00:13:51,147 --> 00:13:53,630
No, it was kind of nice.
325
00:13:53,700 --> 00:13:55,344
Can you come back tomorrow?
326
00:13:55,368 --> 00:13:59,420
Laverne... It's the
fever talking, Doctor.
327
00:13:59,488 --> 00:14:01,016
Not tomorrow, the next day.
328
00:14:01,040 --> 00:14:02,350
I'll be back on Monday.
329
00:14:02,374 --> 00:14:06,077
Monday?! But, Harold,
I got to bowl tonight.
330
00:14:06,145 --> 00:14:07,589
No, it's out of the question.
331
00:14:07,613 --> 00:14:09,308
It's bed rest until
Monday. Then we'll see.
332
00:14:09,332 --> 00:14:11,832
Come on, you gave me a
shot. I feel better already.
333
00:14:11,900 --> 00:14:14,401
I'm sorry, Laverne,
but you got a bad cold.
334
00:14:14,470 --> 00:14:17,788
If you don't stay in bed,
you might get pneumonia.
335
00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:20,457
Are there any further
instructions for me, Doctor?
336
00:14:20,526 --> 00:14:22,304
Here's something for right now.
337
00:14:22,328 --> 00:14:24,540
I'll give Shirley a
prescription for some more.
338
00:14:24,564 --> 00:14:26,630
Hmm...
339
00:14:27,866 --> 00:14:29,099
When she takes these pills,
340
00:14:29,168 --> 00:14:30,879
don't let her drive or
operate machinery.
341
00:14:30,903 --> 00:14:32,269
Or bowl?
342
00:14:32,338 --> 00:14:33,682
Don't worry, with these pills
343
00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:35,384
she won't feel like
doing anything like that.
344
00:14:35,408 --> 00:14:36,507
Oh, thank you, Doctor.
345
00:14:36,576 --> 00:14:39,577
Um, are you going
to mail us the bill?
346
00:14:39,645 --> 00:14:41,990
I'll bring it by myself.
I kind of like Laverne.
347
00:14:42,014 --> 00:14:43,158
She's got a great heart.
348
00:14:43,182 --> 00:14:44,648
Yeah.
349
00:14:46,018 --> 00:14:48,219
Good-bye, Doctor.
350
00:14:48,287 --> 00:14:49,407
Bye-bye.
351
00:14:52,858 --> 00:14:56,710
That man saved
your life, Laverne.
352
00:14:56,779 --> 00:14:58,379
Wasn't it nice of him
353
00:14:58,448 --> 00:14:59,692
to come all the way over here
354
00:14:59,716 --> 00:15:01,449
and make a house call?
355
00:15:01,517 --> 00:15:05,118
Verny... Verny, are
you really asleep
356
00:15:05,187 --> 00:15:07,420
or are you trying to
trick me like before?
357
00:15:10,542 --> 00:15:12,777
You really are
asleep, aren't you?
358
00:15:12,845 --> 00:15:16,781
Well, let's just get your
feet up onto the couch,
359
00:15:16,849 --> 00:15:18,649
tuck you in.
360
00:15:18,718 --> 00:15:22,369
Now, how to keep you here.
361
00:15:22,437 --> 00:15:26,339
If I leave you alone, you
will go bowling, I know you.
362
00:15:26,408 --> 00:15:27,691
How am I going to...?
363
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:29,526
I got it.
364
00:15:44,026 --> 00:15:49,263
"I hid all your clothes so
you couldn't go out and die.
365
00:15:49,332 --> 00:15:52,366
"P.S. Don't eat
the last cupcake.
366
00:15:52,434 --> 00:15:54,201
Love ya, Shirley."
367
00:15:58,841 --> 00:15:59,773
Yeah?
368
00:15:59,842 --> 00:16:01,175
Oh, good afternoon.
369
00:16:01,243 --> 00:16:04,745
I'm Sergeant Helena from
the Milwaukee Mercy Mission.
370
00:16:04,814 --> 00:16:07,248
Uh, do you have
anything for the needy?
371
00:16:07,316 --> 00:16:11,252
Uh, I got one cupcake there.
372
00:16:11,320 --> 00:16:13,187
No, no, I meant clothes.
373
00:16:13,256 --> 00:16:16,607
Mr. Ragusa gave us all
these lovely, uh, socks.
374
00:16:16,676 --> 00:16:18,692
Yeah, he's a real sport.
375
00:16:18,761 --> 00:16:19,960
Uh, look, Sergeant,
376
00:16:20,029 --> 00:16:22,296
I'm sort of a little needy
myself at the moment.
377
00:16:22,365 --> 00:16:24,376
Oh, I'd be glad to
talk with you about it.
378
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:27,780
No, Sergeant,
really... Oh, my dear,
379
00:16:27,804 --> 00:16:30,244
you really must
take care of yourself.
380
00:16:34,477 --> 00:16:36,894
First, maybe we should
get you some warm clothes.
381
00:16:36,962 --> 00:16:38,863
Warm clothes I wish.
382
00:16:38,931 --> 00:16:40,631
All I got is what's on my back.
383
00:16:40,700 --> 00:16:42,961
Oh, my dear, what happened?
384
00:16:42,985 --> 00:16:45,652
Oh, maybe I can be of some help.
385
00:16:45,721 --> 00:16:46,887
Help?
386
00:16:46,956 --> 00:16:48,355
You got any clothes in there?
387
00:16:48,423 --> 00:16:50,202
Oh, no, so far
I've only got socks,
388
00:16:50,226 --> 00:16:53,693
but maybe the Mission can
provide you with something.
389
00:16:53,763 --> 00:16:56,696
Uh, tell me, how did
you get to be so needy?
390
00:16:56,766 --> 00:17:00,501
Oh, it's a long story, Sergeant.
391
00:17:00,569 --> 00:17:04,037
You see, I was orphaned
at a very early age.
392
00:17:04,106 --> 00:17:06,940
And, uh, my aunts and
uncles all chipped in
393
00:17:07,009 --> 00:17:08,242
and bought me these pajamas.
394
00:17:08,311 --> 00:17:10,227
And, uh...
395
00:17:10,295 --> 00:17:12,329
I'm going to get kicked
out of my apartment
396
00:17:12,398 --> 00:17:14,264
because I can't pay the rent.
397
00:17:14,333 --> 00:17:18,702
I gave all my money to the
neighborhood children and cats.
398
00:17:18,771 --> 00:17:20,287
Oh...
399
00:17:20,356 --> 00:17:23,123
And you were going to
give me your last cupcake.
400
00:17:23,192 --> 00:17:25,175
Yeah...
401
00:17:34,686 --> 00:17:36,031
All right, Mrs. Mackintosh,
402
00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:37,771
take your practice shot.
403
00:17:37,840 --> 00:17:39,122
Now wait a minute.
404
00:17:39,191 --> 00:17:41,002
Is this the lady what's
gonna take over for Laverne?
405
00:17:41,026 --> 00:17:42,092
Yes.
406
00:17:42,160 --> 00:17:43,977
We're down the drain.
407
00:17:44,046 --> 00:17:45,974
Don't worry, she'll do fine.
408
00:17:45,998 --> 00:17:47,576
All right, Mrs. Mackintosh,
409
00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:49,549
give it your best roll.
410
00:18:06,318 --> 00:18:08,335
Let's get out of here.
411
00:18:08,404 --> 00:18:11,322
Why don't you just let us
take the trophy home now?
412
00:18:11,390 --> 00:18:12,806
You haven't got a chance.
413
00:18:12,875 --> 00:18:15,258
We're going to win
this tournament, Karen,
414
00:18:15,327 --> 00:18:17,138
for my sick friend Laverne.
415
00:18:17,162 --> 00:18:19,663
Laverne's not sick.
She's a coward.
416
00:18:19,732 --> 00:18:22,333
She's afraid to show up
here and take a beating.
417
00:18:22,401 --> 00:18:23,578
Laverne is here!
418
00:18:23,602 --> 00:18:24,679
She's here!
419
00:18:24,703 --> 00:18:25,703
She's here!
420
00:18:33,712 --> 00:18:36,680
What are you doing
here? You look terrible!
421
00:18:36,748 --> 00:18:38,060
She's okay, she's okay.
422
00:18:38,084 --> 00:18:39,928
She took all the
pills to perk her up.
423
00:18:39,952 --> 00:18:42,386
Those pills do not
make her perky,
424
00:18:42,454 --> 00:18:44,188
they make her jerky.
425
00:18:44,257 --> 00:18:45,823
What is this she's dressed in?
426
00:18:45,892 --> 00:18:48,725
This is what they call
a missionary uniform.
427
00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:51,211
She just had lunch with 20 bums.
428
00:18:51,280 --> 00:18:53,531
Good soup.
429
00:18:53,599 --> 00:18:57,034
Well, I see
Pelican-puss has made it.
430
00:18:57,103 --> 00:18:58,468
Let's get started.
431
00:18:58,537 --> 00:19:00,220
You're going to bowl,
aren't you, Laverne?
432
00:19:00,289 --> 00:19:02,089
Yeah, the team needs you.
433
00:19:02,157 --> 00:19:03,957
No, no, Laverne can't bowl.
434
00:19:04,026 --> 00:19:04,958
Yes, she can.
435
00:19:05,027 --> 00:19:07,194
She can't, she looks terrible.
436
00:19:07,263 --> 00:19:08,473
Let's leave it up to her.
437
00:19:08,497 --> 00:19:11,265
What do you say, Laverne?
438
00:19:11,334 --> 00:19:12,633
Good soup.
439
00:19:20,976 --> 00:19:22,843
There are no holes.
440
00:19:24,313 --> 00:19:29,350
What do you mean
there are no... Thanks.
441
00:19:40,846 --> 00:19:42,479
♪ I'm walking ♪
442
00:19:42,548 --> 00:19:43,831
♪ Yes, indeed, I'm talking ♪
443
00:19:43,899 --> 00:19:46,767
♪ 'Bout you and me, I'm hoping ♪
444
00:19:46,836 --> 00:19:49,402
♪ That you'll come back to me ♪
445
00:19:49,472 --> 00:19:52,806
♪ And I'm lonely as I can be ♪
446
00:19:52,874 --> 00:19:54,352
♪ And I've waited
for your company ♪
447
00:19:54,376 --> 00:19:57,777
♪ I'm hoping that you'll
come back to me ♪
448
00:19:57,846 --> 00:20:00,947
♪ Whatcha gonna do
when the well runs dry ♪
449
00:20:02,551 --> 00:20:05,385
♪ I'm gonna run
right by your side ♪
450
00:20:05,454 --> 00:20:08,088
♪ For you, pretty baby,
I'd even die, I'm walking ♪
451
00:20:08,157 --> 00:20:10,623
♪ Yes indeed, I'm talking ♪
452
00:20:10,692 --> 00:20:12,676
♪ 'Bout you and me, I'm hoping ♪
453
00:20:12,745 --> 00:20:15,695
♪ That you'll come back to me ♪
454
00:20:40,106 --> 00:20:41,399
Hey, Karen, you done bad!
455
00:20:41,423 --> 00:20:42,973
Thank you!
456
00:20:43,041 --> 00:20:44,942
Come on, Laverne,
Laverne, Laverne.
457
00:20:45,010 --> 00:20:46,977
Come on now, come
on, this is the last frame.
458
00:20:47,046 --> 00:20:48,078
You got six more pins.
459
00:20:48,146 --> 00:20:49,646
And if you do it, we're winners.
460
00:20:49,715 --> 00:20:50,715
Come on.
461
00:20:50,749 --> 00:20:52,999
I can't get up.
462
00:20:53,068 --> 00:20:55,536
That's it girls, she's
quitting! We win!
463
00:20:56,605 --> 00:20:58,505
She is not quitting.
464
00:20:58,574 --> 00:21:00,006
Are you quitting?
465
00:21:00,075 --> 00:21:03,710
No, I'm just not walking.
466
00:21:03,779 --> 00:21:05,690
I can't get to the foul line.
467
00:21:05,714 --> 00:21:07,381
Get me to the foul line.
468
00:21:07,449 --> 00:21:08,810
Oh, we'll get her
to the foul line.
469
00:21:08,834 --> 00:21:09,766
Come on, guys.
470
00:21:09,835 --> 00:21:11,534
Get the other side there.
471
00:21:14,073 --> 00:21:15,283
This is exciting.
472
00:21:15,307 --> 00:21:17,667
Yeah, it's just like
Beat the Clock.
473
00:21:20,446 --> 00:21:25,682
Uh...
474
00:21:28,570 --> 00:21:29,920
We only need six pins.
475
00:21:29,989 --> 00:21:31,199
Just six pins.
476
00:21:31,223 --> 00:21:32,606
Looking good!
477
00:21:39,681 --> 00:21:41,148
Quiet, quiet! Quiet!
478
00:21:41,217 --> 00:21:43,483
Everybody in the next
room. Drinks are on us!
479
00:21:48,124 --> 00:21:49,773
Well, you won.
480
00:21:49,841 --> 00:21:51,375
Now you can tell Karen
481
00:21:51,443 --> 00:21:54,244
what you been saving
up five years to tell her.
482
00:21:54,313 --> 00:21:56,714
Karen...
483
00:21:59,585 --> 00:22:02,419
Laverne wants to
tell you something.
484
00:22:02,488 --> 00:22:05,105
It's all yours, Laverne.
485
00:22:15,967 --> 00:22:19,085
Shirl... Can't do it?
486
00:22:19,154 --> 00:22:21,020
You want me to do it.
487
00:22:21,089 --> 00:22:25,224
Will you at least
admit that you're sick?
488
00:22:25,293 --> 00:22:28,361
All right.
489
00:22:28,430 --> 00:22:35,335
Karen, Laverne
would just like to say...
490
00:22:35,403 --> 00:22:37,504
that your team
played a fine game.
491
00:22:37,573 --> 00:22:39,413
Better luck next year. Shake.
492
00:22:45,948 --> 00:22:47,313
You see, Laverne,
493
00:22:47,382 --> 00:22:49,716
it's a lot better to
be sportsmanlike.
494
00:22:49,785 --> 00:22:51,084
You understand?
495
00:22:51,152 --> 00:22:54,287
To put the old...
496
00:23:02,998 --> 00:23:05,160
Open your mouth
and close your eyes
497
00:23:05,184 --> 00:23:07,717
and you will get a big surprise.
498
00:23:07,786 --> 00:23:09,769
After what you
did to me tonight?
499
00:23:09,838 --> 00:23:11,889
Boy, you were a jerk.
500
00:23:11,957 --> 00:23:14,291
"Good luck next year. Shake."
501
00:23:14,360 --> 00:23:16,238
Well, if you feel
that way about it,
502
00:23:16,262 --> 00:23:17,705
why don't you pick yourself up,
503
00:23:17,729 --> 00:23:19,807
go over to Karen's house
and do what you have to do.
504
00:23:19,831 --> 00:23:21,465
Because I can't do that.
505
00:23:21,533 --> 00:23:24,334
Not after your sweet
as sugar speech.
506
00:23:24,403 --> 00:23:26,703
Then I'll come off
looking like the bad one,
507
00:23:26,772 --> 00:23:28,438
like I always do.
508
00:23:28,507 --> 00:23:30,518
No, it's got to be
you who does it.
509
00:23:30,542 --> 00:23:33,076
I don't see why. We won.
Isn't that enough for you?
510
00:23:33,144 --> 00:23:34,578
No.
511
00:23:34,646 --> 00:23:36,563
I wanted to get Karen.
512
00:23:36,632 --> 00:23:37,998
Laverne,
513
00:23:38,066 --> 00:23:40,345
I just can't go up to
somebody and go...
514
00:23:44,507 --> 00:23:47,307
I can't do that. I
just can't do that.
515
00:23:47,376 --> 00:23:51,261
Well, then I just can't
take my medicine.
516
00:23:54,733 --> 00:23:56,065
You'll take your medicine.
517
00:23:57,369 --> 00:24:00,237
Sure, go ahead, call the doctor.
518
00:24:00,306 --> 00:24:02,672
Be a squealer.
519
00:24:02,741 --> 00:24:05,275
Tell Harold I won't
take my medicine.
520
00:24:05,343 --> 00:24:09,679
Probably break our
date for the circus.
521
00:24:09,748 --> 00:24:10,947
Hello, Karen?
522
00:24:11,016 --> 00:24:14,584
This is Shirley...
523
00:24:24,112 --> 00:24:25,979
♪ We're gonna do it ♪
524
00:24:26,047 --> 00:24:28,815
♪ On your mark,
get set and go now ♪
525
00:24:28,884 --> 00:24:31,485
♪ Got a dream, and
we just know now ♪
526
00:24:31,553 --> 00:24:35,855
♪ We're gonna make
that dream come true ♪
527
00:24:35,924 --> 00:24:40,259
♪ And we'll do it our
way, yes, our way ♪
528
00:24:40,328 --> 00:24:45,431
♪ Make all our
dreams come true ♪
529
00:24:45,500 --> 00:24:50,069
♪ For me and you. ♪
37291
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof