Original subtitles

Her lips are like A volcano that's hotot

I'm about to say

That she's My buttercup of love

Oh, yeah

Oh, oh, yeah

-(APPLAUSE) -PRESTON: (CHUCKLES) Nice, Pat!

(CAMPBELL BROTHERS HARMONIZING)

(MICROPHONE FEEDBACK)

-(SONG CONCLUDES) -(APPLAUSE)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYS)

So, what did you think of today's show, Ma?

Wasn't as tight as last week, but...

we- we'll get there.

Practice makes perfect.

Says the guy who scoffs a roast beef melt

-during band practice. -(CHUCKLING)

At least I remember the lyrics.

Well, there's not much incentive to learn lyrics

when you guys are always making me sing backup.

(CAMPBELL BROTHERS CHUCKLING)

-(SNAPS FINGERS) -(CHUCKLING STOPS)

Hey, Ma, real quick.

The buyers want to move forward on the house,

but we got to get rid of the old hot tub.

Whoa, get rid of Nana's hot tub?

It's pretty old.

I don't think she's used it in years.

Oh, I'm sorry.

This is a bit awkward.

Um, Nana, I vaguely remember you telling us

-that we'd get the sauna. -Yeah.

I never said that.

Um, I'm pretty sure you did.

We were all standing in the kitchen.

Tristan was doing a Sammy Davis Jr. impression.

You told us about Palm Springs.

Hey, you were in a hot tub with Sammy Davis Jr., correct?

I mean, fellas, please, tell me if I'm off my rocker here.

No, yeah, Nana definitely said we could have her hot tub.

Okay, because I was like, am I getting Alzheimer's?

-(PRESTON CHUCKLES) -Hey, come on, Preston.

It's just that all of our lives,

we were led to believe one thing.

And then just like that...

the rug's ripped out from underneath our feet.

It's funny.

The older I get,

the less I believe in anything.

Uh, a hot tub is a breeding ground for bacteria

if it's not taken care of properly.

You promise to keep that thing clean?

Scout's honor, Dad.

All right, then.

PRESTON: Yes! We're getting a hot tub!

But you gotta keep that thing clean, boys.

Hey, Nana, you're the cat's meow.

(TRISTAN, DUNCAN CHUCKLING)

DUNCAN: So good.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

-PRESTON: You good. Keep going. -(REVERSING TRUCK BEEPING)

How are we looking on that side?

Oh, we got plenty of room over here.

Plenty of room.

(PAIL CLATTERS)

Uh...

(CAMPBELL BROTHERS CHUCKLING)

-(CAMPBELL BROTHERS CHUCKLE) -(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)

(MUSIC TURNS ETHEREAL)

One small step for man,

one giant leap for the Campbell family.

Oh, my God.

You guys, you have to try this.

Oh! This is amazing.

TRISTAN: This feels incredible.

And I think the steam is loosening up my vocal cords.

-(VOCALIZES) -(ALL THREE HARMONIZING)

There it is.

Okay, what are we feeling, boys?

What's the vibe?

Um, let me see green again.

Okay, one sec.

Oh, my God.

Did you know Nana's hot tub has an aux port?

Aux port?

TRISTAN: Where?

(MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING)

-(ALL THREE CHUCKLING) -Well, yeah.

-Appreciate you. -Yeah, well, yeah.

I think if I have children,

I'm leaning towards circumcising.

What about you guys?

Duncan, what's wrong?

(QUAVERING) I'm just so happy.

I just love you guys so much.

(WATER SPLATTERING)

-And we love you, Duncan. -(SPLATTERING)

I'm sorry I've been so hard on you guys

during band practice.

No, I should have been making band practice a priority,

not roast beef melt.

Oh, this hot tub's got me in the feels.

Okay, let's change the mood in here, shall we?

(TRISTAN, DUNCAN CHUCKLE)

You know, I want our sons to share moments like these.

Then let's make an oath tonight, guys.

The hot tub stays in our family forever.

To the best goddamn night of our entire lives.

And to many more to come!

(ALL CHUCKLING)

PRESTON: Oh, goddamn it.

A beautiful night sky to top it all off.

I mean, look at that.

-TRISTAN: Oh, wow. -DUNCAN: Did you see that?

PRESTON: Hot tub. Final frontier.

(ALL THREE CHUCKLING)

(CHIRPING)

(COUGHING)

(IN A RASPY VOICE) Good morning, fellas.

(COUGHING)

-Oh, yeah, there he is. -(COUGHS)

I think the hot tub really loosened up something.

Hey, boys, how was the hot tub?

-ALL THREE: Great. -(MR. CAMPBELL LAUGHS)

Judging from how late you boys slept, I'd imagine so.

(BOTH COUGHING)

(MR. CAMPBELL HUMMING)

Gonna have to try out that hot tub myself.

(MUFFLED INTENSIFIED COUGHS)

Wow, I want to hear all about it when I get back home.

Don't forget your show at Maple Hills is in an hour.

-All right, love you, boys. -PRESTON: Love you, Dad.

-Love you. -Love you.

-(DOOR CLOSES) -(ALL THREE COUGHING)

-(BIRDS CHIRPING) -("ALL SHOOK UP" BY ELVIS PRESLEY PLAYING)

(ALL IN GRAVELLY VOICE) I'm proud to say That you're my buttercup

Of love

(COUGHS)

(CAMPBELL BROTHERS HUMMING)

Oh, yeah

(COUGHS)

Ooh, yay-

(COUGHS)

Give it up for my super talented brothers.

(COUGHS) You're my rocks.

I love you, Preston.

I love you, Preston.

Can y'all hear us back there?

-(COUGHING) -Oh.

I still need a little bit more vocals in my monitor.

The bass is taking away from the vocals.

Hey, y'all need any help back there?

(COUGHS)

Any requests?

Mary, you want to hear something, sweetheart?

-"Speedy Lamborghini." (COUGHS) -(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)

(RESIDENTS MUTTERING)

"Speedy... (COUGHS) ...Lamborghini."

By the Four Squirrels?

How about we slow this next one down, Pat?

Speedy!

RESIDENTS: (CHANTING) Speedy! Speedy!

(CHANTING) Speedy! Speedy! Speedy!

(CHANTING) Speedy! Speedy!

(LIVELY MUSIC STARTS)

SQUIRREL 1: Okay, gentlemen, start your engines.

One, two...

(VOCALIZING)

(ALL THREE COUGHING VIOLENTLY)

-(COUGHING CONTINUES) -(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)

(BEEP)

DUNCAN: Ooh.

I needed this.

Soaking with my boys.

(STRAINED INHALING)

(MR. CAMPBELL CHUCKLES)

Hey, room for one more?

Ooh-wee, you boys weren't lying.

This feels fantastic.

Ooh, I needed this.

Work has been something else lately.

I don't know if it's because we've got new sponsors

or what, but it feels like I've been putting out fires

left and right. (DEMONIC SCREAM)

Speaking of, let me...

(MR. CAMPBELL SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)

I tell you, I've been working this job for 17 years now,

and I've never seen anything like this before.

I mean, you saw me this morning, and I had...

(FATHER SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)

(DOWNBEAT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)

You ladies are the cat's meow.

Oooh.

You should come by my room after the show.

It's going to be a swinging time.

(SAMMY DAVIS JR. LAUGHS)

(BELL TOLLS)

(DISCONCERTING MUSIC PLAYS)

(MUSIC STOPS)

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(GATE SQUEAKS, CLICKS)

(MUFFLED "ALL SHOOK UP" BY ELVIS PRESLEY PLAYING)

SQUIRREL 1: One, two. One, two, thee four!

(LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING)

(CAMPBELL BROTHERS VOCALIZING)

-(MUSIC STOPS) -(APPLAUSE)

(CHUCKLES) Okay, back to work, people.

When's your next concert?

4:00 p.m. Don't be late.

Great, I can catch the encore.

CAMPBELL BROTHERS: Dad!

I thought you boys would be hungry.

I'm famished.

They got us on liquids, Dad.

Wow, I'll make sure to have the fridge stocked

when we get back home.

(CAMPBELL BROTHERS CHUCKLE)

You know, you gave us all quite a scare.

The boys and I have already made cards for Miguel and Raul.

That's great, boys, but-

And we promise to scrub the hell out of that hot tub

the moment we get home, Dad.

Every nook and cranny, Dad.

-Boys- -It will be different this time.

MR. CAMPBELL: Listen.

The doctor told me

you were feeling symptoms after the first night.

What made you boys think it was a good idea

to get back in the hot tub?

(GENTLE PIANO MUSIC PLAYING)

(SIGHS)

That's the million-dollar question, isn't it?

You just had to have been there, Dad.

I've never felt closer to my brothers

-than in that hot tub. -He's not lying, Dad.

I felt it too.

(SIGHS) I know how excited you boys were

to have your very own hot tub.

But sometimes, when you love something so badly,

it's hard to see its flaws.

I had Miguel test the water.

It's a miracle you boys are even alive.

I've already lost your mother. (SNIFFLES)

I can't go through that again with you boys. (SOBS)

Oh, goddamn it.

Dad, it's gonna be okay.

Because today,

I promise to start making healthier choices...

(BED WHIRRING)

...from here on out.

-(BED WHIRRS, CLICKS) -The same goes for me, Dad.

-(BED WHIRRS, CLICKS) -Me, three.

(SIGHS) So, I'm afraid to ask.

I got rid of the hot tub.

But I want to show you boys something.

PRESTON: Yeah, I think I read somewhere

that a baby's penis actually doesn't have

-that many nerve endings. -TRISTAN: Huh?

PRESTON: Yeah, that actually makes a lot of sense.

TRISTAN: All right, you convinced me.

I'll circumcise my boy's penis.

Wait, you mean to tell me you recorded that entire night?

All three hours and 50 minutes.

Now you boys can relive the magic of the hot tub...

whenever you please.

TRISTAN: A circumcised penis is a cat's meow.

-(LAUGHTER FROM FOOTAGE) -(CAMPBELL BROTHERS LAUGHING)

(CHUCKLES) I don't even want to know.

(GENTLE PIANO MUSIC CONTINUES)

-Hey, Dad? -Yeah?

Love you.

I love you, boys. (KISSES)

(ALL KISS)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(MUSIC CONCLUDES)

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