Original subtitles

Calvin, you got to check this out. Look at this.

My refrigerator is 36 degrees right now.

Look-look, Dave, I don't care. The Lakers have the ball.

It's one minute left. All right, get your app out my face.

No. You're not gonna say that

when you see what this thing can do.

I can change the temperature in my refrigerator

from anywhere in the world. Look at that.

I have never changed

the temperature in my fridge, ever.

All right? Either it's cold or it's broken. Okay? Now, please.

Calvin, you-you got to see all these options.

I can get a notification every time an ice cube drops,

but with one swipe, I can even mirror it on my TV.

You just mirrored it on my TV.

I-I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Look, I didn't mean to. Um...

Look, the shot was in the air, man. Come on.

Relax. I can get it back. Just give me a second.

Here we go.

Okay, uh...

Hah. There it is.

See that? Lakers won.

You didn't miss anything.

I missed them winning.

I feel your pain. Did you see the Housewives finale?

I didn't. I saw the crisper get two degrees colder.

Yeah, well, men love their gadgets.

Their stupid, stupid gadgets.

Well, he got his smart fridge

and I got to upgrade our bathrooms.

You've got to come over and see.

It's like I have my own spa.

Aw, I'm jealous.

Really, Tina?

We just did a big renovation after the earthquake.

Brand-new kitchen, brand-new living room.

Yeah, but not the bathrooms.

And now the rest of the house looks so good

and the bathrooms look horrible.

Or

Maybe ugly bathrooms

make you appreciate how beautiful

the rest of the house is.

It's how you look at things.

Glass half-full.

Nah. That's like shaving one leg

and the other leg looks like Sasquatch.

Come on.

Babe, they're bathrooms, okay?

You go in there, you do your business,

you scroll on Instagram 45 minutes

until your legs go to sleep, and then you get up.

Baby, this is gonna be our forever home, okay?

Don't you want it to be perfect?

Don't you want new tiles?

A steam shower... A bidet. They're amazing.

Ooh, a bidet. Okay.

Look, we just sank all that money into the Fusebox.

Now is not the time to be bidet-ing.

Well... You should do what we did.

Get a home equity line of credit.

Who needs all that paperwork? Oh, it's really easy.

Bank just sent somebody over for a walk-through

and actually appraised for way more than we thought it would.

You should give it a try.

What is this, a commercial?

"We should give it a try."

Oh, thank you, baby! No, no.

I'll call the bank in the morning.

No...

♪ Welcome to the block, welcome to the neighborhood ♪

♪ Welcome to the hood. ♪

Well, as you can see, we have an open floor plan.

They call this the great room.

I'm sure you would agree.

Yeah, it's nice. Mm.

Tina, Tina, let the man do his job, okay?

Oh, come on, baby.

Get with the program.

Okay, look, Tina, I am fine

with whatever you want,

except for this bidet thing.

I like the water in my toilet

to go one direction: Down, not up.

So... is that coffee?

Yes, it is.

Great. Great. Um...

Do you think that's a great idea for our baby?

Marty, don't start before I have my coffee.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Only that's what I'm starting about.

I asked my doctor and she said a moderate amount is fine.

And before you ask,

the doctor also said it's okay to have a glass of wine.

Great, great. So, the baby's gonna be a jittery alcoholic.

Are we done here? I kind of have work to do.

Uh, we need to talk about your car.

What about it?

It's a convertible.

What's wrong with that? It's fun.

Oh, yeah. Well, you know what's not fun?

When you hit a pothole and the baby in the car seat goes

flying out and lands on a tree three blocks away.

So, in this scenario,

I didn't buckle the baby into the car seat?

That is not what I'm saying.

Well, where is this baby getting

such a high launch trajectory?

Oh.

I'm driving on a planet

with no gravity.

Did I miss something? Have we colonized the moon?

Okay, first of all,

we're closer than you think.

And I'm-I'm just saying maybe a car with a roof

makes more sense for a baby.

Marty, I appreciate your concern. Thank you.

Yeah. Okay.

Uh, wait, so-so what does that mean?

It means my feet are swollen,

I can barely fit into my jeans,

and I have thrown up three times today.

All right, all right, uh, fair enough.

I am backing off.

Oh, my God, woman... sushi?!

Do you know how much mercury is in that?

Malcolm.

Malcolm.

Wait, Malcolm.

Guess what the temperature is in my freezer right now.

I'm gonna say, uh...

"I don't give a damn" degrees.

Close. It's 23.

Look, the e-mail just came in with our new appraisal.

Ooh, here comes our money.

Well, all right, all right.

What did it say? Well, it's still loading.

Must be big.

What the hell?

Calvin, look at this.

What the hell?

Do we live in a bucket?

Why is this so much less than yours

when we're 20 feet apart with the same square footage?

Okay, you know what? Don't worry.

I'm sure if you, if you put a little TLC in,

you know, you fix up the steps,

you spruce up the dated color scheme,

I'm sure... Uh...

Dave, it's not the color of the house.

It's the color of the people who live here.

Oh, man. I mean, you hear about this stuff,

but you're always surprised when it happens to you.

This is straight-up institutional racism.

Preach. Can I get a amen?

Amen. Won't he do it?

I've always wanted to do that.

What's going on?

Look-look how little

they're saying our house is worth.

Now, now, we don't know what went into this.

M... (sighs) Maybe the appraiser found some sort of killer mold.

What color mold, Dave? Black?

I don't see color in mold.

You know what? I know how we can get a decent loan.

We're gonna call that bank back and get a second appraiser,

and when he shows up, guess what? What?

Calvin and Tina Butler... they're gonna be white people.

Yeah. You mean get another couple to pretend to be us?

This is a great idea, but who we thinking?

I think it should be Kevin Bacon and Reese Witherspoon.

It's us, Dave. We're the white Butlers.

Oh.

Well, all right!

Okay, family pictures,

Black artwork... it's all got to go.

We got to whiten this place up. Mm-hmm.

Okay. Gemma, did you bring the good stuff?

"It's wine o'clock."

Yes! Perfect.

All right, I brought some music.

I've got the trifecta, the three Kenny's:

Loggins, Rogers, and G.

I guess we need to hide the Kenny Latimore.

Okay?

Who's Kenny Latimore?

See?

I'm gonna take another load of your shoes

over to our place, Pop. Okay, good.

Okay, I just got to ask.

Why is it that Black people have so many pairs of shoes?

Oh, hey, you know what?

That is a fair enough question

because I always wanted to know

how do white people get away with so few? Yes.

You know,

you need shoes for every occasion.

Right.

You got gym shoes, you got work shoes,

you got church shoes,

you got movie shoes, coffee shoes,

chillin' shoes and shoe shopping shoes.

Okay, well-well, what if you accidentally

wore your chillin' shoes to the movies?

Who would do that?

Then you wouldn't be chillin'. You know?

Oh, wow. Oh.

Are these Michael Jordans?

Okay. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Easy.

Whoa, whoa. Put those down.

Those-those aren't for wearing.

Well, why do you have them then?

Well, they're collectibles.

A few years ago,

a customer came into the Pit Stop

and couldn't afford a new transmission.

Malcolm convinced me to accept

a pair of Jordan 4s for payment.

And how much are they worth now?

They are selling for six grand.

Whew.

And, someday,

these will be my inheritance.

Oh, no, no. These are going with me.

Yeah, these are my coffin shoes.

Dead man walking!

Ooh, now, these are fire.

You know how much these are worth?

I do. Now, back up.

Look but don't touch, my brother.

Wow. You sound like the lady at the jewelry store.

Hey, Marty. Hey.

Um, what's on your shirt?

Ah, this.

It's a burrito.

Do you need a bib, bro?

No. No, it is not my burrito. You see,

a certain pregnant woman was eating it

and I just innocently asked

if it was too spicy for someone in her condition, and she...

She threw it at you?

Oh, no. No.

She gently mushed it on my chest and slid it down.

So, you told a pregnant woman what she can't eat?

You got off easy.

I got a pot of hot gumbo thrown at me.

You think you'd be faster than gumbo, but nope.

Oh, well, maybe you can help me out.

You're a-a baby daddy.

Of three.

From three different women.

Hey, don't be mad at me

'cause I'm lovable.

Anyway, how do you co-parent

with somebody who you're not with?

I mean, Courtney and I are friends, sure,

but we're not a couple, and the way she treats me now,

I might as well be a sperm donor.

Look, Marty, because you and Courtney aren't

in a relationship, you shouldn't be afraid to put your foot down.

But gently, because you are in a relationship.

You just aren't having sex with her.

Hmm.

That kind of makes sense.

Does it?

Well, yeah, man.

Well, you wouldn't understand 'cause you're not in our club.

What club? The baby daddy's club.

That's not a thing.

It is. Look, look, look.

Marty, don't worry about Malcolm.

Kids are a blessing. You're gonna work this out.

Thanks, man.

Uh, Trey?

Where are you going with our pop's shoes on?

Oh, that's weird. I ain't come in with these?

Ah, hello.

You must be Scott, the appraiser.

Welcome to our home.

We are the Butlers.

You've got a beautiful home, Mr. Butler.

Oh, right, uh...

Mr. Butler, of course.

Uh, you know what, call me Calvin.

Yeah, Tina Butler... who-who's right here,

and I designed this kitchen ourselves.

And you'll notice we only have granola

and applesauce in there.

No, uh

grits or hot sauce.

Oh, I see you got all the Kenny's.

Oh!

Sure-sure do.

Ah! Look who it is.

It's our son, Timmy Butler.

Hello, gov'nor.

Care for a spot of tea?

Timmy, why are you talking like that?

Well, I'm a Caucasian, I am.

Cheerio.

Doug, magazine, magazine.

Hey!

Blimey!

Uh, Courtney?

Courtney, can I talk to you for a sec?

Marty, they're regular gummies.

I can show you the bag.

No.

No, uh, no need.

Uh, although

gelatin is made from pig bones

and corn syrup, but... but-but knock yourself out.

Okay.

Uh, okay, so here's the thing.

You and I need to figure out what we are.

Courtney, I-I don't want to feel like a sperm donor.

Although I would be a hot commodity.

I am six feet tall.

I have a master's degree.

And I still got all my hair.

Marty, I don't know where this is going,

but I already got your sperm for free.

Yeah. And you're welcome for that, by the way.

But, uh, but

we need to figure out

how we're gonna work together on this whole pregnancy thing.

You're right. Just hear me out before you...

Oh, oh.

I'm-I'm right.

Yeah.

I do need help.

For the first time in my life, I don't have all the answers,

and it is freaking me out.

But, Marty, I can't have you trying

to micromanage my life for the next six months

and the next 18 years.

I know, I know, and I can be a lot.

But I was thinking,

do you remember how well we worked together at JPL?

Yeah.

We killed it on that Mars lander project.

No, we did! We did.

And if we can get a robotic claw

to pick up a rock on another planet,

we can figure out how to have a baby.

Hell yeah! Yeah.

We can do this.

Yeah. We can call it.

Operation Baby.

You know, with the pause, I was expecting a better name,

but sure.

So, did you listen to the Kenny's?

Yeah, well, I'm not mad at that Kenny G.

The second appraisal's in.

♪ Mama's gonna get her wet room. ♪

Ooh!

Oh, thank you, white Butlers.

Well, it was an honor to be you and Calvin.

Come on, let's start picking out some tiles.

Yeah...

"Yeah..." what?

We can't take that money.

What's wrong? You won.

No, we didn't.

You won for us.

And if we accept that money,

then what would we be saying

that their racist policies are okay?

No, no.

Not okay, but you know

what would take the sting out of it?

A bidet

that blows warm air on your tush.

Oh, my God, I mean...

Come on, Tina, no.

Look, Ma... Ma, if you take their money,

you're just letting them buy you off.

Look, Pop, we got to do something so they don't think

they can just get away with this.

You're right, son.

I agree.

And we'll do that the second

they finish grouting the new tile.

Okay, so I will take bottle feeding

from midnight to 5:00 a.m.

Great, and I'll do nursing.

Obviously.

I will do spit up, you do drool.

We both do poop.

Poop is for everybody.

Everybody gets poop.

Uh, yo, I think we nailed this.

Yeah, we're gonna be awesome co-parents.

I am starving. What's for lunch? Ooh!

Ramen. Mexican.

New board.

Good afternoon,

Mr. And Mrs...

Butler?

I'm sorry, who are the Butlers?

Excuse me, sorry. I'm-I'm confused.

Do you all have the same name?

Actually, look, we are the real Butlers.

And your bank came to our house

to give us an appraisal, and it was quite low.

So, for the second appraisal,

we had our friends be the Butlers,

and their appraisal was higher

for the same damn house.

So,

do you see a difference

between these two sets of Butlers?

Um

You mean, like, height-wise?

Yeah.

Whose height is darker?

I'm sure that this was just some kind

of a misunderstanding, and I promise you,

we're gonna look into how this happened.

Oh, no, she did not

just close that folder. Yes, she did.

You know what, ma'am, you don't-you don't have to

look into how this happened.

We know how this happened.

All of us Butlers

know how this happened.

Okay, Dave, we're dropping that part.

Clearly, mistakes were made.

But I assure you that we're gonna make this right.

Why in the world would they trust

anything this bank says now?

You're right. We have to earn that trust.

So, first thing, obviously,

we will honor the higher appraisal.

You know what? Nice try, but this isn't about money.

This is about the right and the wrong.

Right and wrong is what SGV Bank & Trust is all about.

So, please don't judge our actions

by one bad apple.

Well, there seems to be a lot of bad apples

from a very old and rotten tree.

Gemma. On it.

Ha! Oh.

Hi. Hello. Hi.

Who are these people?

Oh, these people?

That's a good question.

You know, I did a little digging around

and I found out that a whole bunch of people

in our neighborhood have mortgages with this bank.

And guess what?

They all got appraisals way below the average.

Now, do you notice any unifying characteristics here?

Yeah. Are we all the same height?

I assure you,

if that happened, I am very sorry.

This bank is committed to equality.

That's not what heard.

Yeah. Okay, okay.

Well, are you willing to promise

in front of God and Gemma's phone Mm.

That you will order new appraisals

for all these people's houses? Of course.

And that they will be fair? Absolutely.

And that you will validate our parking?

Because you made us wait, like, 20 minutes

and... and it adds up.

I'm sorry, we don't own the building.

Isn't that

convenient?

You know what?

You got three days to make this right

before we decide to make this thing public.

And my son has a disturbing number

of social media followers.

Understood. Okay.

If you guys will all... Well, you just follow me

to the lobby and I will get some information

and then we will... we will get things rolling on this, okay?

I'm proud of you, Malcolm. I'm proud of you, too, Pop.

Oh, thank you, son.

Tina, come on. No. No, no, no, no, no.

And for the shower, it has rain,

waterfall, mist, ooh, and massage.

Mm, will it hit all my hot spots?

Mm, every one.

Even the ones you didn't know you had.

Hey, well, get to ordering, babe.

Hey, so, uh, which bank did you guys get the loan from?

No bank.

Why should we go begging for money

when we have our own resources?

All right. What resources?

Um, Malcolm, you should sit down.

M-Me? Yeah.

What is it?

Well, there's no easy way to say this,

but, uh, I sold the Jordan 4s.

Not the 4s, Pop.

There's more.

The limited edition, uh, Nike Dunks?

Gone.

You okay? Where you going, Malcolm?

I'm a grown man, Mama.

I ain't gonna cry in front of y'all.

Oh!

Malcolm...

I was thinking about the heated towel racks.

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