Original subtitles

ARE YOU READY, KIDS?

Kids: AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN!

I CAN'T HEAR YOU.

Kids: AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN!!

* OOH!

* WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA? *

* SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! *

* ABSORBENT AND YELLOW AND POROUS IS HE *

* SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! *

* IF NAUTICAL NONSENSE BE SOMETHING YOU WISH *

* SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! *

* THEN DROP ON THE DECK AND FLOP LIKE A FISH *

* SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! * READY?

* SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

* SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

* SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

* SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

( hearty laughter )

( flute playing )

and NICKELODEON]

( snores )

( meows )

( snores )

( meows )

WAKE UP, GARY.

( meows quizzically )

WE'RE MOVING TODAY.

( meows )

THAT'S RIGHT.

WE'RE LEAVING HOME.

WE'RE GOING TO BECOME PEASANTS.

( meows )

NO MORE FOOD.

SORRY, GARY.

PEASANTS ONLY EAT MASHED-UP CLAMSHELLS.

( sobbing meow )

( sobbing )

APRIL FOOLS!

THERE YOU GO, PAL.

WHOO, I'M THIRSTY.

THIS IS AN EXTREME THIRST.

WHEW.

I'M EXHAUSTED.

I SURE CAN'T WAIT TO DRINK ALL THESE DRINKS.

APRIL FOOLS!

TO ME.

( braying laughter )

( laughing )

HMM.

WHAT'S HE SO HAPPY ABOUT?

APRIL FOOLS' DAY IS SPONGEBOB'S FAVORITE HOLIDAY.

MR. KRABS, I CAN'T COME IN TODAY.

I CAUGHT SOMETHING TERRIBLE.

WHAT'D YOU CATCH?

I CAUGHT SIGHT OF THE CALENDAR.

OH.

HOLD ON, SQUIDWARD.

There's someone here to see you.

Says he's from the Barnacle Bay Art Museum

and he wants to honor you as artist of the month.

I HAVE ARRIVED.

( giggling )

WHAT?

WHAT'S SO FUNNY?

WHERE'S THE ART DEALER?

( laughing )

YOU JUST MISSED HIM.

YEAH, BUT HE TOLD US TO TELL YOU...

( snickering )

HEY, TELL ME WHAT?

HE TOLD ME TO TELL YOU

APRIL FOOLS.

WELL, IT'S BEEN NICE WORKING HERE.

THANKS FOR EVERYTHING, MR. KRABS.

SQUIDWARD, WAIT.

JUST SEND MY LAST CHECK TO THE P.O. BOX, MR. KRABS.

SQUIDWARD, IT WAS JUST A JOKE.

NO MORE JOKES ON YOU TODAY.

I PROMISE.

YOU DO?

SURE.

THERE'S LOTS OF OTHER WILLING PARTICIPANTS.

RIGHT, MR. KRABS?

( raspberry )

( laughing )

WELL, AS LONG AS IT'S NOT ME.

EXCUSE ME.

COULD YOU TELL ME WHERE THE FORKS ARE?

THEY'RE RIGHT HERE, LADY.

OH, BUT THIS IS A SPOON.

APRIL FOOLS!

OH.

( laughs )

HUH...

WELCOME TO THE KRUSTY KRAB.

HOW MAY I HELP YOU?

YEAH. GIVE ME TWO LARGE FRIES AND A JUMBO KRABBY PATTY.

HEY, WHAT'S THAT?

OH, I DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING...

HEY, WHERE'D THAT OTHER GUY GO?

APRIL FOOLS!

I'M RIGHT HERE.

( laughs )

HEY, THAT WAS PRETTY GOOD.

( laughs )

WHAT ARE YOU DOING BEHIND THE COUNTER?

EXCUSE ME.

CAN I GET

A COUPLE ICE CUBES IN HERE PLEASE?

SURE.

A COUPLE OF ICE CUBES COMING UP.

( whistling )

HERE YOU GO.

THANKS.

( wheezing squeak )

HUH?

( chuckling squeak )

HMM?

( slurps )

AH...

( laughing )

APRIL FOOLS!

WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY DRINK?!

I... I...

YOU WHAT?!

YOU ASKED FOR A COUPLE OF ICE CUBES IN YOUR DRINK

AND I ONLY PUT IN ONE!

( laughs )

I GUESS THAT IS PRETTY FUNNY.

( laughs )

YEAH.

( SpongeBob laughing )

( grumbling )

( laughter continues )

HEY, YOUR SHOE'S UNTIED.

APRIL FOOLS!

YOU'RE NOT WEARING SHOES.

( laughing )

( laughing into microphone )

APRIL FOOLS!

OH! THAT'S IT!

SPONGEBOB AND HIS STUPID PRANKS.

I'M GOING TO SHOW HIM WHAT A REAL PRANK IS ALL ABOUT.

( chortles )

( humming )

HMM?

OH, BOY.

SOMETHING FOR ME TO CLEAN UP.

( snickers )

APRIL FOOLS!

WHOA!

WHOA!

( SpongeBob screaming )

All: OH, NO.

( laughing hysterically )

( SpongeBob screaming )

( all gasping )

( continues laughing )

( continues screaming )

( all gasping )

OH, OH, OW.

I'LL CATCH YOU, SPONGEBOB.

( snickering )

( Spongebob screaming )

OOPS.

( customers' dismayed gasps )

APRIL FOOLS!

YOU LITTLE SAUSAGE.

( laughing )

( whimpers )

( sobbing )

SPONGEBOB, I WAS JUST KIDDING.

COME ON, COME ON.

YOU GUYS KNOW I WAS JUST KIDDING.

RIGHT?

OH, MAN, POOR KID.

THAT GUY HAS DEFINITELY GOT SOME ISSUES TO WORK OUT.

APRIL FOOLS...

JERK.

WAIT, DON'T GO.

HEY, YOU STINK!

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

IT WAS A JOKE.

UH-HUH.

OH...

OH...

( groaning )

WHY IS IT WHENEVER I'M HAVING FUN, IT'S WRONG?

I DIDN'T MEAN TO MAKE HIM CRY.

I GUESS THIS MEANS I BETTER TELL SPONGEBOB

I'M SORR... ECH...

I GUESS THIS MEANS I BETTER APOLOG... EE-YI!

THIS IS GOING TO BE TOUGHER THAN I THOUGHT.

( clears throat noisily )

SPONGEBOB?

UH, SPONGEBOB, COME ON OUT.

I'VE GOT SOMETHING TO TELL YOU.

SPONGEBOB?

OH, HUH?

SPONGEBOB, UH, I WAS THINKING ABOUT TODAY AND...

AND, WELL, IT JUST SEEMS

THAT MAYBE I MIGHT OWE YOU SOME SORT OF...

THIS ISN'T SOMETHING I NORMALLY DO.

SO, SO, LISTEN CAREFULLY, SPONGEBOB

BECAUSE I'M ABOUT TO TELL YOU THAT I'M...

THAT I'M... WHAT?

PATRICK, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

DIGGING.

WHY ARE YOU WEARING THAT HAT?

OH, I DON'T KNOW.

OH.

WHERE'S SPONGEBOB?

HE'S IN THE HOUSE.

HE'S IMPRESSED.

WITH WHAT?

I DON'T KNOW

BUT IT MUST HAVE BEEN PRETTY GOOD

TO MAKE HIM CRY LIKE THAT.

OH!

SPONGEBOB!

SPONGEBOB, LET ME IN THERE.

SPONGEBOB, YOU BETTER LET ME IN THERE.

I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO USE THIS.

( playing out-of-tune melody )

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

SPONGEBOB, I JUST WANT TO SAY

THAT I'M SOOOO... RRY.

WHAT?

I'M TRYING TO SAY I'M...

( brays like a donkey )

WHAT?

I'M JUST TRYING TO SAY I'M...

THERE'S GOT TO BE AN EASIER WAY TO DO THIS.

( humming )

WELL, AREN'T YOU GOING TO OPEN IT?

I CAN'T.

I DON'T HAVE A BOTTLE OPENER.

OH!

SPONGEBOB, I'M...

( whispering )

( sawing noises ) WHAT?

WH-WH-WHAT?

OH!

SPONGEBOB, ALL I AM TRYING TO SAY IS THAT I AM...

( muted ): SORRY.

THERE YOU GO.

BUT I COULDN'T...

I DON'T CARE.

I SAID IT.

MY CONSCIENCE IS CLEAR.

MUST HAVE BEEN PRETTY GOOD TO MAKE HIM CRY LIKE THAT.

WHAT?

APRIL FOOLS...

JERK.

YOU STINK!

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY.

I ADMIT IT, I'M SORRY!

I DIDN'T MEAN TO HURT YOU.

IN FACT, SPONGEBOB, I LIKE YOU.

I LIKE LIVING NEXT DOOR.

I LIKE YOUR FOGHORN ALARM IN THE MORNING

AND YOUR HIGH-PITCHED GIGGLING AT NIGHT.

I ALSO LIKE GARY, PATRICK, SANDY, MR. KRABS

AND ALL OF THE OTHER PEOPLE

I'M FORCED TO BE IN CONTACT WITH.

AND-AND-AND-AND...

SQUIDWARD, IS ALL THAT TRUE?

YES, YES, SPONGEBOB.

YES, IT'S ALL TRUE.

EVEN THE PART ABOUT THE LIMA BEANS AND THE CAR CHASE?

THE WHAT?

YES, YES, WHATEVER

BUT YOU HAVE TO PROMISE NOT TO TELL ANYBODY.

I PROMISE.

REALLY?

All: APRIL FOOLS!

( muttering gibberish )

APRIL FOOLS!

YOU'RE RIGHT-- APRIL FOOLS.

I JUST FOOLED YOU ALL.

( laughing hysterically )

WHAT WOULD WE DO WITHOUT SQUIDWARD?

AH!

OOH!

OH!

OOH!

AH!

OOH!

AH!

OOH!

AH!

BEHOLD THE ULTIMATE COOKING UTENSIL--

THE GOLDEN SPATULA!

HEY, SPONGEBOB, LOOK WHAT IT SAYS HERE:

"MANY HAVE TRIED TO PULL THIS SPATULA

"FROM THIS ANCIENT GREASE AND ALL HAVE FAILED.

( grunting loudly )

"ONLY A FRY COOK

"WORTHY OF KING NEPTUNE HIMSELF CAN WIELD...

"THE GOLDEN SPATULA." THE GOLDEN SPATULA."

WOW. WOW.

OH, OH, OH, OH!

TAKE A PICTURE OF ME AND THE SPATULA.

OKAY, I'M READY!

EXCUSE ME...

DO YOU KNOW WHERE THE MENU SECTION IS?

UH...

THE MENU SECTION?

THAT'S EASY.

IT'S OVER THAT WAY.

UH-OH.

HOLY SMOKES!

RUDE!

HEY, THE LIGHT CHANGED.

UH, PATRICK...

HOLD ON. ALMOST THERE.

( booming laughter )

YES, YES, AT LAST--

SOMEONE WORTHY OF BEING THE ROYAL FRY COOK!

WHO HAS FREED THE SPATULA FROM THE GREASE?

UH, I DID, MR. NEPTUNE, SIR.

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS.

( rumbling ) ( laughing )

( rumbling stops ) A FINE JEST, BOY.

YOU ARE BUT A LOWLY YELLOW SPONGE.

PUNY...

INSIGNIFICANT...

A COMMONER.

THEREFORE, YOU COULD NEVER BE FRY COOK TO A GOD AND...

THIS IS WHY IT IS FUNNY!

( rumbling ) ( laughing )

NOW STEP ASIDE WHILE I SEEK OUT THE TRUE FRY COOK.

NO, NO, NO... HMM...

NO, NOT YOU, YOU'RE TOO SHORT, NO.

AH!

BUT... BUT...

A PURVEYOR OF FOODS.

YES, YOU MUST BE MY NEW FRY COOK.

UH, SORRY, KING NEPTUNE.

I DON'T MAKE THEM; I JUST SELL THEM.

THEN WHO PULLED UP THE SPATULA?

WELL, HE DID.

( laughing )

IT IS EVEN FUNNIER A SECOND TIME.

YOU, THERE-- CRUSTACEAN!

WHO, ME?

YOU HAVE THE PHYSIQUE OF ATLAS.

THANKS. I WORK OUT.

( laughing )

MAKE POSES WITH ME.

OKAY.

( both grunting )

BODY SLAM!

YOU PULLED THE SPATULA FROM THE GREASE.

NOPE, THAT WAS SPONGEBOB.

THIS JOKE HAS GONE FAR ENOUGH!

WHERE'S MY FRY COOK?

CERTAINLY YOU

WITH YOUR PRODIGIOUS GIRTH

WOULD KNOW WHO CAN FLIP A BURGER

TO SUIT A ROYAL PALATE!

WHAT?!

AM I EXPECTED TO BELIEVE

THIS CREATURE IS ROYAL FRY COOK MATERIAL?

I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU HAVE ANY PROOF.

HA!

THIS THING IS UNFIT TO EVEN SCRUB

THE ROYAL TAIL FIN!

AND BESIDES, IT'S NOT JUST ENOUGH

TO PULL A SPATULA OFF A GREASY GRIDDLE;

THERE ARE CERTAIN... QUALITIES

THAT A ROYAL FRY COOK MUST HAVE.

LIKE?

THE ROYAL FRY COOK MUST BE...

OH, LEFT-HANDED.

ACTUALLY, I'VE GOT TWO.

( fingers snapping )

ALSO, THE ROYAL FRY COOK WEARS... RED UNDERWEAR.

NO, BLUE.

OH!

THE ROYAL FRY COOK'S WALLET CONTAINS

HIS BIG TOES...

UH, HE HAS SIX.

HE IS THE NEW ROYAL FRY COOK AND YOU...

SILENCE!

IS IT HOT IN HERE, OR WHAT?

( gasps )

PATRICK!

YOU HURT MY FRIEND!

YOU'RE NOT A KING.

YOU'RE A BULLY AND A LIAR!

SO, LITTLE ONE...

YOU THINK YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO BE MY FRY COOK.

I WILL PROVE YOUR WORTHLESSNESS.

YOU SHALL BE TESTED WITH A CHALLENGE!

Patrick: BRING IT ON!

SPONGEBOB CAN HANDLE ANY...

OUCH!

YOUR FRIEND'S ARROGANCE WILL COST YOU DEARLY.

THERE WILL BE TWO CHALLENGES!

Patrick: ONLY TWO?!

WHAT ARE TWO CHALLENGES

TO SOMEONE LIKE SPONGEBOB?

THREE CHALLENGES!

Patrick: THREE?!

( laughing )

THREE CHALLENGES ARE NOTHING.

MIGHT AS WELL BE 500 CHALLENGES!

ENOUGH!

HE'LL SETTLE FOR ONE.

THERE WILL BE BUT ONE CHALLENGE:

YOU WILL FACE ME IN...

THE ULTIMATE COOK-OFF!

I WILL ACCEPT YOUR CHALLENGE

IF YOU FIX MY FRIEND.

Neptune: AH, YES...

THE ROUND ONE.

I SHALL RESTORE HIM.

SPONGEBOB?

SPONGEBOB?

SPONGEBOB!

OH, THERE YOU ARE.

HOW YOU FEELING?

PRETTY GOOD.

SAY, HAVE YOU GOTTEN TALLER?

AND NOW...

SEE THE FATE THAT MAY LIE AHEAD.

FOR, IF BY SOME MINUTE CHANCE, YOU MEET THE CHALLENGE

YOUR REWARD WILL BE GREAT.

BEHOLD!

( screaming )

WOOPSIE!

NOW BEHOLD--

MY BELOVED HOME OF ATLANTIS.

A PRIZE WORTHY OF APOLLO.

YOU WILL RESIDE HERE IN THIS GLORIOUS PLACE

COOK ONLY FOR ME AND BE A GOD!

HEY, THAT SOUNDS PRETTY GOOD.

BUT IF YOU SHOULD NOT SUCCEED...

YOU MUST GIVE UP FRY COOKING...

FOREVER.

WHAT DO YOU SAY?

I'M READY!

VERY WELL, THEN!

TO THE POSEIDOME!

Announcer: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN

WELCOME TO THE ULTIMATE COOK-OFF!

( cheering and whistling )

ALL RIGHT, MATES

FIRST TO A THOUSAND PATTIES WINS.

SHAKE HANDS.

( rumbling )

MAY THE BEST MAN WIN.

NOW GO BACK TO YOUR CORNERS

AND WHEN THE BELL SOUNDS, COME OUT COOKING!

DON'T WORRY, LAD.

I HAVE TOTAL CONFIDENCE IN YOU.

PUT IT ALL ON NEPTUNE!

I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO COOK IN ATLANTIS, PATRICK.

I NEVER SHOULD HAVE TAKEN THE CHALLENGE.

DON'T GIVE UP YOUR DREAM, SPONGEBOB.

PEOPLE USED TO TELL ME:

"PATRICK, YOU'LL NEVER AMOUNT TO ANYTHING.

YOU'LL ALWAYS HAVE YOUR HEAD IN THE CLOUDS."

BUT JUST LOOK AT ME NOW.

( bell dings ) GO GET 'EM, TIGER!

( rumbling )

( laughing )

"ONCE UPON A TIME..."

( laughing )

PERFECT.

I WIN!

( whooping )

( laughing )

LOSER!

( laughing )

FREE PATTIES FOR EVERYONE!

( cheering and applause )

( all cheering )

FOOLS! HAVE YOU NO TASTE BUDS?

THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THESE.

THEY'RE DELICIOUS!

Fish: TOO CHICKEN TO EAT HIS OWN BURGER!

Fish 2: WHY DON'T YOU EAT IT?

( chanting ): EAT IT! EAT IT!

OKAY, MINE'S NO GOOD.

BUT WHAT MAKES YOU THINK HIS WILL BE ANY BETTER?

GIVE ME THAT!

MMM!

WHY, IT TASTES SO GOOD

I THINK I'D LIKE TO TRY IT A SECOND TIME.

( all groaning )

SO, UH... WHAT DO YOU THINK?

YOURS IS SUPERIOR.

THEREFORE, I CONCEDE TO YOU--

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS, YOU WIN.

( cheering )

YAY! YAY!

Both: WE'RE GOING TO ATLANTIS!

WE'RE GOING TO ATLANTIS!

( Neptune laughing )

WHAT'S SO FUNNY?

YOU, SPONGEBOB.

THAT REPULSIVE THING

IN MY PALACE?!

YOU MEAN PATRICK CAN'T COME?

( laughing )

OH, OF COURSE NOT.

AND MY FRIENDS...?

AH, THE ONLY FRIEND YOU'LL NEED, MY DEAR BOY

IS THE ROYAL GRILL.

IT WAS NICE KNOWING YOU, BUDDY.

( wailing )

I KNOW, MR. KRABS.

I'LL MISS YOU, TOO.

I LOST ME BET!

( crying )

COME, SPONGEBOB, GRAB YOUR THINGS.

IT'S TIME TO DEPART...

TO ATLANTIS!

( crowd cheering )

I... I...

( sobbing ): I DON'T WANT TO GO!

IT'S TOO LATE NOW.

I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOUR BURGERS.

YOU'RE GOING TO BE A GOD

AND LIKE IT!

MAYBE WE DO HAVE A PROBLEM.

( booming voice ): WAIT, NEPTUNE!

I HAVE ANOTHER IDEA.

GOOD MORNING, KRUSTY CREW.

HI, PATRICK. WHAT'LL YOU HAVE?

UH...

( Neptune hollers )

CAN YOU EXCUSE ME?

THE ACCURSED STOVE HAS BURNT MY FINGER.

FEEL THINE OWN WRATH, STOVE!

( rumbling ) HA-HA!

WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT USING YOUR POWERS, TRAINEE?

PERFECT PATTIES ARE MADE WITH LOVE, NOT MAGIC.

[Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

and NICKELODEON]

Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation]