Original subtitles

ARE YOU READY, KIDS?

Kids: AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN!

I CAN'T HEAR YOU.

Kids: AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN!

* OOH!

* WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA? *

* SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! *

* ABSORBENT AND YELLOW AND POROUS IS HE *

* SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! *

* IF NAUTICAL NONSENSE BE SOMETHING YOU WISH *

* SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! *

* THEN DROP ON THE DECK AND FLOP LIKE A FISH *

* SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! * READY?

* SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

* SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

* SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

* SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

( hearty laughter )

( flute playing )

[Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

and NICKELODEON]

Spongebob: GOOD MORNING, BIKINI BOTTOM.

AH, WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DAY.

* DOO-DOO-DOO-DOO, DOO-DOO-DOO

I WONDER IF PATRICK'S AT HOME.

HIYA, SPONGEBOB.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

GOING OVER TO SANDY'S PLACE.

HEY, WHAT'S THIS?

THIS DOESN'T LOOK LIKE SANDY'S PLACE.

DON'T LOSE YOUR BARNACLES, BOYS.

( kaiais )

THERE IT IS.

WHAT IS IT?

CAN'T YOU SEE?

IT'S TEXAS.

Spongebob: "TEXAS"?

WHAT'S A TEXAS?

OH, IT'S NOTHING BUT A MEMORY NOW.

ALL RIGHT, THEN.

UH, LET'S MAKE ONE OF YOUR TREE DOME.

Y-YOU KNOW, ALL OF A SUDDEN

I DON'T FEEL MUCH LIKE SANDCASTLES, SPONGEBOB.

I'LL SEE Y'ALL LATER.

HMM?

SANDY...

( kaiaiing )

AW, SPONGEBOB

I'M JUST NOT FEELING UP TO KARATE RIGHT NOW.

( laughing )

I GET IT.

"NOT FEELING UP TO KARATE," HUH?

WHATEVER YOU SAY, SANDY.

BOY, I HOPE SANDY DOESN'T ATTACK ME

FROM BEHIND.

( kaiaiing )

( growing )

( grunting and groaning )

UH... SANDY?

SURF'S UP, SANDY.

NO THANKS.

( jellyfish buzzing )

BOY, THERE'S NOTHING LIKE GOING JELLYFISHING.

( giddy laughter )

WHOA!

( giddy laughter )

LOOK, SANDY, WE CAUGHT ONE!

LISTEN, SPONGEBOB

RIGHT NOW, I DON'T WANT TO BUILD SANDCASTLES

PLAY KARATE OR EAT JELLYFISH.

( laughing )

WE DON'T EAT 'EM!

WE LET 'EM GO!

FLY AWAY, LITTLE CRITTER!

GO ON, GO BACK HOME WHERE YOU BELONG.

RUN ALONG, BACK TO YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS.

I KNOW THEY MISS YOU

AS MUCH AS YOU MISS THEM.

HURRY, BEFORE THEY FORGET YOU AND LEAVE YOU BEHIND!

REMEMBER--

* THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME *

( sobbing )

( gurgling sobs )

( flushing )

( gasping )

SANDY, WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU CRYING ABOUT?

I AIN'T CRYIN', MY HELMET JUST SPRUNG A LEAK.

SANDY...

OH, I GUESS I'M JUST FEELING A LITTLE HOMESICK.

HOMESICK, HUH?

MM-MMM.

Spongebob: ALMOST THERE!

DAD-GUM IT, SPONGEBOB, WHAT IS IT?

* DA, TA-DA!

Spongebob and Patrick: WELCOME HOME, SANDY!

( sobbing )

SANDY?

GO AWAY.

I DON'T GET IT, PATRICK.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH SANDY?

MAYBE IT'S JUST A SQUIRREL THING.

( tuning )

* WISH I WAS BACK IN TEXAS

* THE OCEAN'S NO PLACE FOR A SQUIRREL *

* WISH I WAS IN TEXAS

* PRETTIEST PLACE IN THE WORLD *

* OH, NO

* I GUESS A-DEEP IN MY HEART

* I'LL ALWAYS BE A TEXAS GIRL *

* I WANT TO GO HO-O-O-O-OME

* HO-OME

( clams howling )

( Sandy yodeling )

HEY, PATRICK-- LISTEN TO THAT!

GET 'EM OFF ME! GET 'EM OFF ME!

PATRICK!

LISTEN... HEAR THAT?

IT'S SANDY.

* I WANT TO WAKE UP IN TEXAS

* I MISS THOSE WIDE-OPEN SKIES

( chittering )

* I MISS MY 20 ACRES

* BARBECUES AND PECAN PIES

* OH, WHY

* WHEN I'M SO FAR FROM YOU, TEXAS *

* ALL I CAN DO IS CRY

( sobbing )

( music continues )

( sniffing )

( sobbing )

( Sandy yodels )

( sobbing )

( blowing )

* I WANT TO GO HO-O-O-OME

( deep voice ): * I WANT TO GO HO-OME.

( sobbing loudly )

DO YOU THINK SHE KNOWS THE MUFFIN MAN SONG?

PATRICK, SHE SANG THAT SONG FROM HER HEART!

SHE REALLY MISSES TEXAS.

WELL, LET'S GO GET SOME TEXAS AND BRING IT DOWN HERE.

PATRICK, YOU CAN'T...

THAT'S IT!

PATRICK, YOUR GENIUS IS SHOWING.

WHERE?!

EVERYTHING LOOKS PERFECT.

WE'RE GOING TO GO GET SANDY NOW.

Mr. Krabs: WELL, HURRY IT UP, LADS!

CAN'T SQUAT LIKE THIS FOREVER!

Spongebob and Patrick: KRUSTY KRAB! KRUSTY KRAB!

SANDY'S SURPRISE IS AT THE KRUSTY KRAB!

WAIT'LL SHE SEES THE...

SHH!

DON'T SPOIL THE SURPRISE.

( giggling )

HEY, SANDY! HEY, SANDY!

YOU WANT TO COME WITH US

TO THE KRUSTY KRAB?

HEY, SPONGEBOB.

HEY, PATRICK.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THOSE BAGS?

I'M GOIN' BACK HOME TO TEXAS.

WHAT?! NOW?!

YOU CAN'T! I MEAN, WE...

IT'S TIME FOR THIS TUMBLEWEED TO TUMBLE ON HOME.

W-WAIT, SANDY.

YOU CAN'T, UH... 'CAUSE WE WERE GONNA...

AT THE KRUSTY KRAB IS... THAT IS NOT THE RIGHT DIRECTION...

WAIT! IF YOU DON'T... IF I CAN'T...

( sputtering )

SANDY, WAIT A SECOND!

YOU DON'T WANT TO LEAVE WITHOUT HAVING

ONE LAST CODDY-BATTY DOWN AT THE KRUSTY KRAB!

I'M TIRED OF FISH FOOD, SPONGEBOB.

B-BUT SANDY, DON'T YOU WANT TO SAY GOOD-BYE

TO ALL YOUR FRIENDS DOWN AT THE KRUSTY KRAB?

I JUST CAN'T DO THAT, SPONGEBOB.

IT'D BE TOO SAD.

N-NO, NO, WAIT!

SANDY!

I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE'S GONE.

YEAH. WHAT'S SO GREAT ABOUT DUMB, OLD TEXAS?

WHAT DID YOU SAY?

TEXAS IS DUMB?

DON'T YOU DARE TAKE THE NAME OF TEXAS IN VAIN!

YOU MEAN WE CAN'T SAY ANYTHING BAD ABOUT DUMB, OLD TEXAS?

NO, YOU CAN'T!

OH, THEN, CAN WE SAY PEOPLE FROM TEXAS ARE DUMB?

NO! YOU CAN'T SAY NOTHIN' ABOUT TEXAS!

OH!

SO WE SHOULDN'T SAY ANYTHING BAD ABOUT TEX-AS!

I'M WARNING YOU, SPONGEBOB!

LOOK, PATRICK-- I'M TEXAS!

DUH, HOWDY, Y'ALL!

I'M TEXAS, TOO.

GET A DOG, LITTLE LONGIE.

HOWDY, Y'ALL!

HOWDY, Y'ALL!

GET A DOG, LITTLE LONGIE!

GET A DOG...

Y'ALL BEST CUT IT OUT!

* THE STARS AT NIGHT ARE DULL AND DIM *

* WHENEVER THEY HAVE TO BE *

* OVER DUMB, OLD, STUPID TEXAS! *

HEY, PATRICK, WHAT AM I NOW?

UH... STUPID?

NO, I'M TEXAS!

WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE!

( guffawing )

YOU ALL BEST APOLOGIZE

OR I'M GOING TO BE ON YOU LIKE UGLY ON AN APE!

YOU'LL HAVE TO CATCH US FIRST!

( taunting laughter )

( both panting )

WE DID IT. WE GOT HER.

KRUSTY KRAB, HERE WE COME!

CAN WE SAY THAT PLANTS FROM TEXAS ARE DUMB?

( guffaws )

CAN WE SAY THAT SHOES FROM TEXAS ARE DUMB?

UH, OKAY, PATRICK, THAT'S ENOUGH.

WHY? DO YOU THINK THAT OLD SLOWPOKE, TEXAS, IS GONNA...

( screaming )

RUN FASTER, PATRICK!

( both screaming )

( screams )

SPONGEBOB!

( screaming )

( gasping )

( teeth chattering )

( Sandy kiaiing )

( gasping )

YOU'RE GOING TO TAKE BACK WHAT YOU SAID!

( sputtering and gasping )

NO!

ALMOST THERE.

( grunting )

( screaming )

SPONGEBOB!

YOU BEEN MESSIN' WITH THE BULL!

NOW HERE COME THE HORNS!

NO, SANDY!

NO!

All: HOWDY, YA'LL!

WHA... WHAT'S THIS?

IT'S A PARTY.

FOR YOU!

FOR ME?!

IT'S YOUR OWN LITTLE SLICE OF TEXAS.

CHECK IT OUT, SANDY.

WE GOT SQUARE DANCIN'...

GIANT BARBY-Q's...

OW, OW, OW, OW, OW.

HOMEMADE PEAS- IN-A-CAN PIES

AND WE GOT OUR VERY OWN TEN-GALLON HATS.

SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK? YOU GONNA STAY?

( laughing )

( gurgling laughter )

DON'T CRY ANYMORE, SANDY.

I'LL GO GET YOUR BAGS.

( gurgling continues )

( flushing )

I'M NOT CRYIN'. I'M LAUGHIN'.

I APPRECIATE WHAT Y'ALL ARE TRYING TO DO, SPONGEBOB

BUT HOME ISN'T ABOUT BARBECUES AND PECAN PIES.

HOME IS WHERE YOU'RE SURROUNDED

BY OTHER CRITTERS THAT CARE ABOUT YOU.

HUH?

DUH, WHAT AM I DOIN'?

I BEEN HOME ALL ALONG

AND I TOOK ME TILL JUST NOW TO REALIZE IT.

DOES THAT MEAN YOU'LL STAY?

I'M STAYIN'!

( all cheering )

WHOO-HOO! SHE'S STAYIN'!

WHOO! THAT MAKES ME FEEL ALL WIGGLY!

YEAH, WHO NEEDS DUMB, OLD TEXAS?

Sandy: WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?

Patrick: SHOULD I START RUNNING NOW?

( evil laughter )

ATTENTION, BEACHGOERS!

YOU ARE TRESPASSING!

YOU HAVE EXACTLY 17 MINUTES

TO HAUL YOUR CARCASSES OFF OF THE FUTURE SITE...

OF THE CHUM BUCKET MEGA BUCKET.

DO YOU HEAR SOMETHING?

( garbled loudspeaker )

OKAY, HAVE IT YOUR WAY!

I DON'T MIND BULLDOZING

OVER EACH AND EVERY ONE...

MOMMY, LOOK.

SOMEBODY LEFT THIS TOY TRACTOR HERE.

PUT THAT DOWN, BILLY.

THAT HAS GERMS ON IT.

OH...

AW, MOM...

YOU'LL SEE!

YOU'LL ALL SEE!

THE FUTURE SITE OF THE CHUM BUCKET MEGA BUCKET

MUST BE CLEARED

OF THESE CRETINOUS BEACHGOERS

BUT IT'S BECOMING INCREASINGLY OBVIOUS!

I CAN DENY IT NO LONGER!

I AM SMALL.

I NEED SOMEONE BIG

TO CLEAR THE BEACH FOR ME.

I NEED...

SPONGEBOB.

* STEPPIN' ON THE BEACH, ROO-TO TO-TOO *

* STEPPIN' ON THE BEACH, ROO-TO TO-TOO *

* STEPPIN' ON THE BEACH, ROO-TO TO-TOO *

* STEPPIN' ON THE BEACH, ROO-TO TO-TOO *

YES. HE'S THE ONE.

( evil laughter )

I'LL HAVE ONE...

TWO PLEASE.

THANKS.

ONE, PLEASE.

EXCUSE ME.

ONE, PLEASE.

SORRY, KID, WE'RE ALL OUT.

AW, BARNACLES.

( sobbing )

( sobbing )

PLANKTON, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

AND WHY ARE YOU CRYING?

OH, HI, SPONGEBOB.

I'M CRYING BECAUSE I'VE GOT THESE TWO ICE CREAM CONES

BUT I ONLY NEED ONE.

( sobbing )

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THE OTHER ONE.

( sobbing )

I'LL EAT ONE OF THOSE ICE CREAM CONES FOR YOU.

SPONGEBOB, WOULD YOU DO THAT FOR ME?

SURE.

SPONGEBOB.

SPONGEBOB.

SPONGEBOB!

YEAH?

ISN'T IT GREAT

TO GET THE THINGS YOU DESIRE?

LIKE THAT ICE CREAM CONE, FOR INSTANCE.

YOU CAN HAVE ANYTHING YOU WANT WITH A LITTLE TRAINING.

TRAINING?

YES. YOU JUST HAVE TO LEARN

TO BE MORE ASSERTIVE, AND I CAN SHOW YOU HOW.

ASSERTIVE, HUH?

THAT'S RIGHT.

ANYTHING I WANT?

SOUNDS GREAT!

WONDERFUL.

( evil laughter )

SPONGEBOB.

DON'T LET THAT GUY SIT ON YOU.

ASSERTIVENESS LESSON NUMBER ONE.

TELL HIM TO GET OFF.

UM... EXCUSE ME, SIR.

Y-YOU'RE SITTING ON MY BODY

WHICH IS ALSO MY FACE.

NO, NO, BE ASSERTIVE.

BEEP-BEEP.

NOT INSERTIVE.

SPONGEBOB, YOU MISSED YOUR CHANCE.

YOU'VE GOT TO BE AGGRESSIVE TO GET THE THINGS YOU WANT.

YOU'RE TOO SOFT.

BUT I'M A SPONG...

DON'T SAY IT.

( slurping )

THERE'S THE GUY WHO TOOK YOUR ICE CREAM.

DON'T YOU WANT IT BACK?

ICE CREAM.

LISTEN, YOU.

MY FRIEND'S GOT SOMETHING TO SAY.

WHAT? WHO SAID THAT?

WAS IT YOU?

TELL HIM OFF, SPONGEBOB.

ASSERT YOURSELF.

THAT'S MY ICE CREAM CONE.

GREAT!

NOW LET HIM HAVE IT!

YOU CAN HAVE IT.

SAY, THANKS.

NO!

I'LL SHOW YOU HOW.

Hey, pencil-neck!

Yeah, you!

Slither over here!

Surrender that ice cream cone

or every waking moment for you will become

a swirling torrent of pain and misery!

( sobbing )

HEY, THAT GUY WAS CRYING.

THOSE WERE TEARS OF JOY.

HE WAS HAPPY THAT YOU WERE ASSERTIVE.

YEAH!

YOU SEE HOW WONDERFUL LIFE CAN BE

WHEN YOU'RE MANIACAL?

UH, I THOUGHT IT WAS CALLED ASSERTIVE.

WHATEVER.

WELL, IF IT GOT ME THIS ICE CREAM

THEN I LIKE IT.

( beeping )

I FOUND SOMETHING.

UH, EXCUSE ME, MY METAL DETECTOR BROKE.

CAN I USE YOURS?

SURE.

SPONGEBOB.

THIS IS YOUR NEXT LESSON.

BE AGGRESSIVE.

TELL THAT GUY TO TAKE A HIKE.

DO YOU WANT TO TAKE A HIKE WITH ME?

YEAH.

NOW LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE!

TELL THAT GUY TO GO FALL IN A DITCH.

HEY, GO CHECK IN THAT DITCH.

WOW. BURIED TREASURE.

THANKS.

DID YOU SEE THAT, PLANKTON?

THAT GUY FOUND SOME BURIED TREASURE.

SPONGEBOB, YOU'LL NEVER GET IT RIGHT.

TELL THAT GUY YOU KNOW KARATE AND YOU'LL TIE HIM IN A KNOT

IF YOU DON'T GET YOUR METAL DETECTOR BACK.

HEY! I'M GOING TO TIE YOUR... SHOE

IF YOU DON'T GIVE THAT BACK!

BUT I'M WEARING SANDALS!

OKAY! NEVER MIND!

IT'S ALL RIGHT, PLANKTON. HE'S WEARING SANDALS.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

OH, NOTHING, SPONGEBOB.

Mama!

I WAS JUST BEGINNING TO THINK

THAT THIS IS A WASTE OF TIME.

NO, IT'S NOT.

FORGET IT.

I GUESS YOU DON'T HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO BE A STANDUP GUY.

WELL, WHAT ABOUT AIRLINE FOOD?

WHAT?

AIRLINE FOOD!

MY GOSH, WHAT IS UP WITH THAT STUFF?

THANK YOU. GOOD NIGHT.

( rimshot )

SEE, I CAN BE A STANDUP GUY. SEE?

SPONGEBOB, YOU'LL NEVER GET WHAT YOU WANT.

YOU ALWAYS LET PEOPLE STEP ALL OVER YOU.

YOU'RE JUST LIKE STAIRS.

WAIT, PLANKTON, GIVE ME ANOTHER CHANCE.

OKAY, BUT THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE.

LOOK AT ALL THOSE BEACH HOGS

SOAKING UP YOUR SUN RAYS.

DO YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO GET A TAN?

JUST WATCH ME!

( all coughing )

MAN, THIS THING IS SAN... DY!

YES, MY PLAN IS BEGINNING TO WORK.

THEY'RE LEAVING THE BEACH.

SPONGEBOB, THAT WAS WONDERFUL.

IS THAT AN ALL-OVER TAN?

WELL, NOT ALL OF ME.

HOT DOGS!

HOT DOGS!

LOOK AT THAT HUGE LINE

AT THE HOT DOG STAND.

ASSERT YOURSELF TO THE FRONT.

I'LL DO BETTER THAN THAT.

LET'S GO HOME.

SPONGEBOB, THAT WAS GENIUS.

LOOK AT ALL THOSE KITE-FLYERS

BLOCKING YOUR VIEW.

WHAT?!

BREAKING YOUR WIND.

A-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

( growling )

HEY, SPONGEBOB, THROW US THE BALL.

( trumpeting )

WHAT DO WE DO NOW?

LET'S JUST GO HOME, I GUESS.

HA! PLANKTON, DID YOU SEE THAT?

I WAS A REGULAR ALPHA MALE.

( panting )

PLANKTON?

( engine starting )

HUH?

PLANKTON, ALL MY ASSERTING HAS DRIVEN EVERYBODY AWAY.

EXACTLY.

YOU DIDN'T TELL ME EVERYONE WOULD LEAVE.

OOPS.

MEGA BUCKET!

YOU USED ME FOR LAND DEVELOPMENT.

THAT WASN'T NICE.

HAVEN'T YOU FIGURED IT OUT, SPONGEBOB?

NICE GUYS FINISH LAST.

ONLY AGGRESSIVE PEOPLE CONQUER THE WORLD.

( evil laughter )

WELL...

WHAT ABOUT AGGRESSIVELY NICE PEOPLE?

HUH?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

HOT DOGS! YAY!

( panting )

( cheering )

WAIT. SPONGEBOB, STOP!

BUTTERFLY KISSES.

I... CAN'T TAKE IT.

IT'S TOO CUTE.

IT'S, IT'S DISGUSTING!

WHAT HAPPENED?

I HIT A REEF WITH MY NEW BOARD, DUDE.

NO PROBLEM.

WHOA!

COLOR!

SPONGEBOB, STOP-- BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.

YOUR KINDNESS IS BRINGING EVERYBODY BACK.

GET BACK!

WAIT!

OOH! OUCH! OW! OW!

NO! OOH! OW!

COWABUNGA!

THANKS, DUDE.

THAT WAS AWESOME.

( groaning )

( groaning )

GEE, PLANKTON.

I'M SORRY ABOUT THE CHUM BUCKET.

FORGET ABOUT THAT.

I JUST CAN'T TAKE SO MUCH KINDNESS AT ONE SITTING.

NEED... HATRED.

VOLLEYBALL, ANYONE?

All: YEAH!

SERVICE!

( laughing )

OUCH.

( laughing )

OUCH.

( laughing )

* OOH! WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA *

* SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! *

* ABSORBENT AND YELLOW AND POROUS IS HE *

* SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! *

* IF NAUTICAL NONSENSE IS SOMETHING YOU WISH *

* SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! *

* THEN DROP ON THE DECK AND FLOP LIKE A FISH *

* SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! *

( country-style acoustic interlude )

READY?

* SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

* SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

* SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

* SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

( hearty laughter )

[Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

and NICKELODEON

Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation]