Original subtitles

ARE YOU READY, KIDS?

Kids: AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN!

I CAN'T HEAR YOU.

( louder ): AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN!

* OH... *

* WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA? *

* SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! *

* ABSORBENT AND YELLOW AND POROUS IS HE. *

* SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! *

* IF NAUTICAL NONSENSE BE SOMETHING YOU WISH... *

* SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! *

* THEN DROP ON THE DECK AND FLOP LIKE A FISH. *

* SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! *

* READY? SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! *

* SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! *

* SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! *

* SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! *

( laughs heartily )

[Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION ( plays airy tune )

and NICKELODEON]

( with French accent ): AH, IT IS SUNDAY MORNING IN BIKINI BOTTOM

AND IT IS ABOUT TIME

FOR SQUIDWARD TO PRACTICE HIS CLARINET.

SO GET YOUR EARPLUGS READY.

MMM...

( smacks loudly )

I THINK I'LL TREAT BIKINI BOTTOM

TO SOME REAL MUSIC.

( snoring )

( Gary meows )

( blasting )

OW!

( horn continues blowing )

GOOD MORNING, SQUIDWARD!

WANT TO GO JELLYFISHING?

( squeaking )

HOORAY!

WE'LL BE RIGHT OVER.

( squeaking )

( grumbling )

( knock at door )

I WONDER WHO THAT COULD BE.

READY TO GO?

NO, I'M NOT READY TO GO!

HE DOESN'T WANT TO PLAY WITH US.

NO, PATRICK, HE'S JUST NOT READY.

( knock at door )

READY NOW?

NO!

( knock at door )

( grumbling )

HOW ABOUT NOW?

NO!

HUH? ( knock )

NOW?

NO!

( knock )

NOW? NO!

HOW ABOUT NOW?

NO!

NO! NOW?

NOW? NO!

NO! NOW?

NO!

WHAT?!

READY YET?

NO, I'M NOT READY!

I'LL NEVER BE READY.

DON'T YOU GET IT?

SURE, WE DO.

WHAT?

( mumbling )

READY?

( smack )

OUT! JEESH!

SHOULDN'T YOU BE AT WORK TODAY, SPONGEBOB?

I'D LOVE TO BE AT WORK TODAY.

BUT IT'S SUNDAY.

THE KRUSTY KRAB IS CLOSED.

HOLD ON A SECOND.

I'LL BE RIGHT OUT.

HELLO?

( silence )

AH! ALONE AT LAST!

( inhales deeply )

SpongeBob and Patrick: SQUIDWARD!

SQUIDWARD!

SQUIDWARD!

( wind howling )

SQUIDWARD!

OH, SQUIDWARD!

SQUIDWARD?!

WELL, HE'S NOT HERE.

I'LL BET THAT EAGER BEAVER'S ALREADY DOWN

AT JELLYFISH FIELDS.

AHA! THEY'RE FINALLY GONE.

WHAT THE...?

LOCKED?

OH, NO!

OH, WELL, SOMEONE WILL REALIZE I'M GONE

AND COME LOOKING FOR ME.

I'LL BE OUT OF HERE IN NO TIME.

( computer beeping )

HOLY KRABBY PATTIES!

A FROZEN CEPHALOPOD.

( zapping )

( screaming )

( trancelike ): I'LL BE OUT OF HERE IN NO TIME.

GREETINGS, PRIMITIVE.

SP... SPONGEBOB?

IS THAT YOU?

SPONGEBOB?

NO!

Mechanized voice: I am SpongeTron.

WELCOME TO THE FUTURE.

WHAT?

WELCOME TO THE FUTURE.

UH... THE FUTURE?

HUH?

( electronic pulsing )

OKAY, WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

WHY IS EVERYTHING CHROME?

EVERYTHING IS CHROME IN THE FUTURE.

WHA... UH... UH...

OH, MY!

IMPOSSIBLE!

HE'S LYING!

( squeaking )

( tires squeal )

HE'S RIGHT!

SpongeTron: OF COURSE I'M RIGHT, SQUIDWARD.

JUST ASK MY CLONES--

SPONGETRONS X, Y AND Z.

ARE THE... OTHER LETTERS OF THE ALPHABET INVOLVED HERE?

SURE-- ALL 486 OF THEM.

FUTURE!

FUTURE!

FUTURE!

FUTURE!

THANKS.

NOW, LISTEN.

ALL OF YOU!

I DON'T BELONG HERE.

THIS IS ALL A HORRIBLE MISTAKE.

PLEASE, WE'VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING!

All: JELLYFISHING!

( loud static )

DID SOMEBODY SAY "JELLYFISHING"?

HI, PAT-TRON!

J-JUST LISTEN TO ME.

I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE.

I'VE GOT TO GET HOME TO MY OWN TIME PERIOD.

I GOT TO GO!

WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST ASK?

THE TIME MACHINE IS DOWN THE HALL, TO THE LEFT.

( laughing gleefully )

( machine humming loudly )

SpongeTron: OOPS!

OH, YEAH, THAT ONE'S THE CAN OPENER.

BUT TRY THE ONE ON THE RIGHT.

WELL, I WOULDN'T HAVE CHOSEN THIS INTERIOR.

OH, WHAT'S THIS?

WELL, IF SPONGEBOB EXISTS IN THE FUTURE

I'D BETTER GO TO THE PAST.

( siren beeping )

WOW!

PRIMITIVE.

HAS SORT OF AN OLD-WORLD CHARM.

WHOA!

I GUESS THIS IS BEFORE MANNERS WERE INVENTED!

WELL, AT LEAST THERE'S NO SIGN OF SPONGEBRAT.

MAYBE NOW I CAN FINALLY BE ALONE WITH MY CLARINET.

( rustling nearby )

( bang )

( whoosh )

HUH?

WHAT?

HUH?

( screams )

( chomping )

SPONGEBOB?

( yells )

STAY BACK!

( sniffing )

UH, NO THANKS.

( heavy breathing nearby )

UH... HI THERE.

WELL, I BETTER BE GOING NOW.

( hooting like monkey )

YES, THAT'S MY ARM.

OH, THAT'S SWEET.

( bellowing )

WHAT, IS IT TIME FOR YOUR FLEA BATH NOW?

( bones rattling )

OH, IT'S JUST A LITTLE JELLYFISH.

( yelling frantically )

( hooting in alarm )

WELL, I'M GOING AWAY NOW.

AH!

HERE'S A NICE, SHADY SPOT, AWAY FROM THOSE FOOLS.

( inhales deeply )

( SpongeBob hooting )

( Patrick bellowing )

( SpongeBob screaming )

( zap )

( howling )

( zap )

( yelling )

WHAT ARE YOU SIMPLETONS DOING?!

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO CATCH THESE THINGS--

NOT TORTURE YOURSELF WITH THEM.

GIVE ME THOSE LOINCLOTHS!

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

( mumbling )

THIS OUGHT TO MAKE THINGS GO A LITTLE SMOOTHER.

( whimpering )

GIVE ME THOSE THINGS!

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO CATCH THEM-- LIKE THIS.

IT'S CALLED JELLYFISHING.

( both grunting stupidly )

AH, FINALLY!

( inhales deeply )

( playing squeaky tune )

( yelling angrily )

( screams )

GET ME OUT OF HERE.

UH-OH.

Machine voice: Loser.

( bellowing wildly )

( electronic whirring )

( alarm beeping )

( electronic zap )

( voice echoing eerily )

( squeaking )

HE'S NOT HERE.

NO MORE SPONGEBOB.

NO MORE!

I MAY FINALLY HAVE FOUND A PLACE WHERE I CAN BE ALL...

ALONE!

Various voices: ALONE... ALONE... ALONE...

( voices echoing )

I GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE!

( panting )

( voices echoing eerily )

WHERE'S THE TIME MACHINE?!

WHERE'S ANYTHING?

WHERE, WHERE, WHERE, WHERE...!

I WANT TO GO HOME.

I WANT TO GO HOME.

I WANT TO GO HOME.

I WANT TO GO HOME.

I MISS BIKINI BOTTOM.

I MISS MY EASTER ISLAND HEAD.

I EVEN MISS SPONGEBOB.

SPONGEBOB! PATRICK!

Both: HI, SQUIDWARD.

OH, I'M BACK!

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.

I-I-I WAS IN SPACE AND I WENT TO THE FUTURE

AND THEN I WENT TO THE PAST, AND THEN I WAS NOWHERE

BUT NOW I'M BACK

AND YOU DON'T KNOW HOW HAPPY I AM TO SEE YOU GUYS.

DOES THIS MEAN YOU WANT TO GO...

Both: JELLYFISHING?!

NO!

D'OH!

WHO'S THE BARNACLEHEAD

WHO INVENTED THAT GAME, ANYWAY?

Both: YOU ARE, SQUIDWARD.

( Patrick and SpongeBob laughing )

Squidward. I'M GOING BACK.

( whacks )

( yells )

KIAI!

OH, SORRY, PINEAPPLE HOUSE.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE SOMEONE ELSE.

AH! WHAT A GREAT DAY AT WORK.

( clattering nearby )

YEAH!

( footsteps quacking )

( groaning )

I KNOW YOU'RE BACK THERE, SANDY.

AND I ALSO KNOW THAT NOBODY CAN HIDE FROM SPONGE...

BOB.

I GOT YOU NOW!

KIAI!

WELL, I GUESS THE COAST IS CLEAR.

Yeah, shopping's weird.

Did you ever go into the seafood aisle

and say, "Who eats this stuff?"

( laughing )

I LOVE THIS SHOW!

ME, TOO.

( screams )

( karate yelling )

UH, JUST A SECOND.

SAFETY FIRST.

AND NOW, SPIN TECHNIQUE.

( yelling )

( yells )

DOUBLE OVERHAND SQUIRREL KNOT.

( bowling ball rumbling, striking pins )

I'M GOING TO GET YOU TOMORROW, SPONGEBOB.

THAT'LL BE THE DAY.

WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP...

( humming to herself )

( phone cuckooing )

HELLO.

KIAI! KIAI!

NICE TRY, SPONGEBRAIN.

( yells )

HEY, SANDY, HAVE YOU EVER HEARD THE ONE

ABOUT THE SQUIRREL AND THE TIN CANS?

UH, DON'T THINK SO.

WELL, IT GOES LIKE THIS.

OH, WAIT, I FORGOT THE PUNCH LINE.

( screeches )

OH, YEAH.

( laughing )

THAT'S A GOOD ONE, ISN'T IT?

WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DAY.

BEAUTIFUL SKY, BEAUTIFUL PLANTS.

HI, PLANTS.

BEAUTIFUL...

PILE OF CANS.

MMM-MMM.

SANDY, THAT IS YOUR WORST DISGUISE YET.

NO, IT'S NOT, SPONGEBOB.

THIS IS.

NOW, PREPARE

FOR A LONG, MERCILESS WHOOPING.

MMM, MMM.

MY FAVORITE.

( laughing evilly )

BY THE POWERS OF NAUGHTINESS

I COMMAND THIS PARTICULAR DROP OF HOT SAUCE

TO BE REALLY, REALLY HOT!

THANDY, WAIT!

VICTORY IS YOURTH.

I KNEW YOU'D COME TO YOUR SENSES, SPONGEBOB.

WHOA!

KIAI!

CURSES...!

Exasperated customer: OH, WHAT IS GOING ON?!

WITH EXTRA CHEESE, TO GO.

THREE PATTIES, FOUR LARGE OYSTER SKINS

ON THE DOUBLE, SPONGEBOB.

OH, YEAH.

GOT YOU!

SPONGEBOB...

I'M GOING TO PRETEND THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN.

NOW, FILL THESE ORDERS OR LEAVE, SPONGEBOB.

WE'RE VERY BUSY TODAY.

ORDER... OH!

( fly buzzing )

AH...

SPONGEBOB, NOW, ARE YOU GOING TO...

Mr. Krabs: OH, SQUIDWARD

I WAS GOING THROUGH SOME RECORDS

BACK IN ME OFFICE, AND... HUH?

SO, YOU GOT THE HAIRPIECE AFTER ALL.

( SpongeBob yelling )

THOUGHT YOU COULD SNEAK UP ON ME

AT WORK, DID YOU?

WELL, YOU CAN'T

BECAUSE I'M FAST, I'M MEAN

AND I CAN DO THIS.

SSS!

TOOK CARE OF HER, YES, I DID.

OH! AHOY, SIR.

WHAT WAS THAT?

BUT SIR, SHE SNUCK UP ON ME.

IN MY OWN DOJO.

ARE YOU ON SOME NEW ALLERGY MEDICATION, BOY?

NO, SIR, JUST PRACTICING MY KARATE, SIR--

OR KARA-TAY, AS SOME CALL IT.

"KARA-TAY"?

YOU SHOULD BE MAKING ME MONEY-AY

WITH YOUR SPATU-LAY.

NOW, GET BACK TO WORK.

AY-AY, CAPITAY.

NICE HAIRPIECE, SQUIDWARD.

SPONGEBOB, DID YOU GET THOSE BATHROOMS MOPPED YET?

YES, MA'AM... I MEAN SIR

I MEAN BOSS, I MEAN POOH-BAH.

D'OH!

( someone sneezes )

HA!

SANDY!

NO MORE.

BUT MR. KRABS...

SHH!

NO MORE OF THIS KARATE STUFF, LAD

OR YOU'RE FIRED.

( in high voice ): FIRED?

NO MORE KARATE?

HOW AM I GOING TO TELL SANDY?

KI...AI!

I CAN'T.

MR. KRABS SAID I HAVE TO GIVE UP KARATE.

UH-HUH, SURE, SPONGEBOB.

NO, REALLY, SANDY, STOP.

I'M NOT FALLING FOR IT, SPONGEBOB.

NO, REALLY!

PLEASE STOP.

WHAT THE...

SPONGEBOB!

( screams )

MR. KRABS.

WHAT DID I JUST GET THROUGH TELLING YOU, LAD?

BUT, I... SHE...

SPONGEBOB, YOU'RE FIRED!

HUH?

FIRED?

HEY?

SPONGEBOB?

( starts sobbing )

( bawling )

WAIT-- MR. KRABS, IT'S NOT HIS FAULT.

IT'S MINE.

HE TRIED TO TELL ME, BUT I WOULDN'T LISTEN.

GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE... PLEASE?

HMM.

ALL RIGHT, ME BOY.

I'LL GIVE YOU A SECOND CHANCE.

BUT NO MORE KARATE.

IT'S POISONING YOUR MIND.

( sniffs )

MMM, MAMMALS.

AW, SHOOT, SPONGEBOB.

I GUESS YOU AIN'T FIBBING.

( both sigh )

AW... THAT GAME WAS GETTING OLD, ANYWAY.

IT'S NOT FUN ANYMORE.

I MEAN, WHAT'S SO FUN ABOUT... THIS?

( laughing )

NOTHING!

NOTHING IS FUN ABOUT THAT AT ALL.

WE CAN FIND SOMETHING TO DO

THAT'S AT LEAST NINE TIMES AS FUN.

WE CAN?

I MEAN... SURE WE CAN.

YEAH!

LIKE WE CAN, UH...

WE CAN SQUEEZE THINGS.

( grunting and groaning )

WHOO-HOO!

HOW MUCH FUN WAS THAT?

ALMOST SOME.

I KNOW.

WE CAN ACT LIKE PLANTS.

PHOTOSYNTHESIS.

PHOTOSYNTHESIS.

WANT TO GO TO THE PARK?

KARATE SURE IS DUMB.

YEAH, YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN.

I FEEL DUMB JUST THINKING ABOUT IT.

DUH... I'M STUPID.

I LIKE KARATE.

DOY...

YOU LIKE WHAT?

NOT KARATE.

HA! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT IS.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT ANYTHING IS.

IN FACT...

Man: KIAI!

KIAI!

( giggling )

FOR A SECOND, THAT SOUNDED LIKE...

KARATE?

RIGHT NOW?

I MEAN... NO, WHAT IS THIS KARATE?

UH, WHAT DO YOU WANT ON YOUR SANDWICH?

KARATE.

WHAT DID YOU SAY?

UH, MUSTARD-- MUSTARD.

I WANT MUSTARD ON MY SANDWICH.

THERE WE GO.

HOW MANY SLICES OF BARNACLE LOAF DO YOU WANT?

ONE... JUST ONE.

ONE FOR YOU...

HMM?

AND ONE FOR ME!

OH, UH...

SPONGEBOB?

MAYBE JUST ONE MORE.

I'M KIND OF HUNGRY.

SURE THING, SANDY.

SPONGEBOB?

DO YOU THINK, UM...

DO YOU THINK I COULD CUT THIS ONE?

UH, SURE.

THANKS.

( yells )

IS THAT ENOUGH?

MAYBE JUST ONE MORE.

OR TWO.

OR THREE.

OR TEN.

TEN, YES, TEN!

BECAUSE WE'RE REALLY HUNGRY.

RIGHT!

RIGHT!

RIGHT!

RIGHT!

TIME FOR BUNS!

( yelling )

HOW ABOUT SOME TOMATOES?

AND I'LL CUT THE CHEESE.

( both yell )

AND WHAT ELSE?

MORE BUNS!

AND LETTUCE!

YEAH! YEAH!

( chopping frantically )

( panting )

MAKING SANDWICHES SURE IS FUN.

RIGHT, SANDY?

RIGHT?

I GUESS I'LL EAT ONE NOW.

YOU'RE MINCEMEAT.

IN YOUR DREAMS!

( both yelling and shouting )

HUH? WHAT THE BARNACLE...?

DO YOU THINK MR. KRABS EVER DOES KARATE?

( clears his throat )

( screams )

MR. KRABS!

UH, HEY, MR. KRABS, HOW'S IT GOING?

NICE DAY, HUH?

OH, ALL RIGHT, MR. KRABS, YOU CAUGHT ME.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?

I JUST CAN'T HELP MYSELF.

YOU'RE JUST GOING TO HAVE TO FIRE ME.

FIRE YOU?

I GOT SOMETHING ELSE IN MIND.

( fast chopping inside )

( crowd cheering )

( chopping continues )

( crowd cheering )

I LOVE KARATE!

I LOVE KARA-TAY!

I LOVE MONEY-AY!

I HATE ALL OF YOU.

[Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

and NICKELODEON]

[Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation]