Original subtitles

ARE YOU READY, KIDS?

Kids: AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN!

I CAN'T HEAR YOU.

( louder ): AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN!

* OH...

* WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA? *

* SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

* ABSORBENT AND YELLOW AND POROUS IS HE. *

* SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

* IF NAUTICAL NONSENSE BE SOMETHING YOU WISH... *

* SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

* THEN DROP ON THE DECK AND FLOP LIKE A FISH. *

* SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

* READY? SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! *

* SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

* SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

* SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

( laughs heartily )

[Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION ( plays airy tune )

and NICKELODEON]

( sizzling )

( loud buzzing )

( all pop to life and commence buzzing )

( pop )

( buzzing )

Krabs: SPONGEBOB! SPONGEBOB!

WAKE UP, BOY!

YOU'RE BURNING ME MONEY!

( alarm sounds, SpongeBob yelps )

MR. KRABS, WHAT DO WE DO?

HERE, USE THIS.

( grunts )

( clang )

( flames whoosh )

( both whine in fear )

( blowing frantically )

( teeth chattering )

( imitating fire alarm )

( gurgling )

HOORAY! HOORAY!

( steam whistling )

( sizzles )

SPONGEBOB, COME INTO ME OFFICE.

WHAT'S WRONG, BOY?

WELL, I...

THIS IS THE FOURTH TIME

I'VE HAD TO SCRAPE YOU OFF OF SOMETHING.

WELL, I'VE BEEN THINKING.

WE NEED TO GET YOU THINKING ABOUT WORK.

NO OFFENSE, MR. KRABS, BUT I'VE BEEN THINKING

ABOUT GIVING UP MY COLD INDUSTRIAL LIFE

IN FAVOR OF A MORE NATURAL

AND FREE LIFE AMONG THE JELLYFISH.

( laughs heartily )

( laughter echoes )

AH... SPONGEBOB, YOU WOULDN'T LAST

EVEN ONE DAY IN THE WILD.

THIS IS YOUR NATURAL HABITAT.

THIS IS YOUR WIDE-OPEN RANGE.

THESE ARE YOUR AMBER WAVES.

AND THIS... OH, THIS IS YOUR GOLDEN SCEPTER

WITH WHICH YOU RULE!

THAT'S BETTER THAN NASTY OLD JELLYFISH, RIGHT, SPONGEBOB?

SPONGEBOB?

OH, I CAN TOO LAST MORE THAN ONE DAY.

I'LL SHOW HIM.

AW, BARNACLES!

SPONGEBOB, WAIT.

( screams )

OH, HE'LL BE BACK, ALL RIGHT.

HE'LL BE BACK.

AND, SQUIDWARD

I WANT YOU TO HAVE MY CAN OPENER.

AND I THOUGHT THIS FRIENDSHIP WOULD NEVER PAY OFF.

ARE... ARE... ARE...

ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO GIVE ME THIS MAYONNAISE?

IT'S ALL YOURS.

AND THESE OLD PHONE BOOKS?

ALL YOURS, OLD FRIEND.

PATRICK, THERE IS ONE MORE THING

I WANT YOU TO HAVE.

( gasps )

( panting with excitement )

OL' RELIABLE?!

( sobs )

HOWDY, Y'ALL.

HEY, SPONGEBOB, YOU HAVING A GARAGE SALE?

NO, SANDY, I'M GIVING UP MY MATERIAL POSSESSIONS

TO LIVE IN THE WILD WITH THE JELLYFISH.

SPONGEBOB, OF ALL THE CRAZY SCHEMES

WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO LIVE AMONG THE JELLYFISH?

THEY'RE COLD AND MEAN AND NONE TOO BRIGHT.

OH, SANDY, THAT'S EXACTLY THE RESPONSE I WOULD EXPECT

FROM SOMEONE WHO LIVES THE SHAM OF A LIFE I ONCE LIVED.

I'LL PROVE I DON'T NEED THIS STUFF TO BE HAPPY.

MAYBE SOMEDAY YOU'LL WISE UP AND JOIN ME.

GOOD-BYE.

( pop )

I WON'T BE NEEDING THESE.

BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ...

HE TOOK OFF HIS PANTS.

I'LL GIVE HIM A WEEK.

I'LL GIVE HIM 11 MINUTES.

PATRICK SAD!

I'M HOME.

I'M HOME! I'M HOME!

I'M HOME, I'M HOME, I'M HOME, I'M HOME, I'M HOME, I'M HOME

I'M HOME, I'M HOME!

( sudden buzzing )

BROTHERS AND SISTERS, WAIT FOR ME.

( buzzing )

BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ.

OKAY, I'M HERE.

WAIT, I JUST GOT HERE.

MY JELLYFISH INSTINCTS TELL ME TO GO...

( slurps )

( pops )

THAT WAY.

* BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ... *

( jellyfish buzzing )

( chomping )

( gags )

MMM, THIS IS THE LIFE.

HEY, EVERYBODY, BUZZ, BUZZ.

BUZZ TO YOU.

BUZZ, BUZZ.

NICE CURRENT TODAY.

HEY, WHAT'S THE BUZZ?

HELLO, I'M JELLYBOB-- AND YOU ARE...?

( electricity crackles )

UH... NICE TO MEET YOU.

( sniffing )

MMM.

HERE, PATRICK, HAVE A KRABBY PATTY.

( choking up )

THERE HE IS, PATRICK.

SAY YOUR LINE.

"WHY, THANK YOU, SANDY.

"I WOULD LOVE ONE.

"(TAKE PATTY).

"TOO BAD SPONGEBOB ISN'T HERE.

"THESE ARE HIS FAVORITES.

"I SURE WISH HE'D COME HOME.

(TAKE BITE)."

I CAN'T DO IT!

SPONGEBOB!

COME BACK!

PATRICK, I'M NOT COMING HOME.

I MISS YOU.

SANDY MISSES YOU.

EVEN SQUIDWARD MISSES YOU.

WHOOPEE!

( party music playing )

I'M HAPPY HERE.

THIS IS MY HOME NOW.

( Sandy grunting )

( sobbing )

SPONGEBOB!

( buzzing )

HEY, EVERYBODY, I'M BACK.

I THINK I'M GETTING THE HANG OF THIS.

( panting heavily )

PATRICK, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

IF I CAN'T HAVE YOU AS A FRIEND, I'M GOING TO MAKE YOU A TROPHY.

I EVEN PICKED OUT THIS NICE JAR FOR YOU.

PATRICK, GO HOME.

I'M A JELLYFISH NOW.

( gurgling cry )

( panting )

WOW!

( continues gurgling cry)

Patrick: I CAN SEE YOU THERE.

I STILL SEE YOU.

YOU'RE GOING TO LOOK GOOD ON MY MANTEL.

FRIENDS FOREVER, SPONGEBOB!

( panting slowing down )

AHH.

I GOT YOU NOW, SPONGEBOB.

( straining )

PATRICK, NO!

( SpongeBob panting, Patrick yelling)

( grunting )

OKAY!

SO THIS IS THE WAY IT'S GOING TO BE.

I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY.

( groans )

WELL, THAT'S OVER.

BACK TO JELLYFISH MATTERS.

( drip )

MMM, JELLY.

( buzzing )

AH, MY JELLYFISH BRETHREN ARE RETURNING.

GREETINGS, COMRADES.

( electricity crackles. SpongeBob screams )

( screaming )

OW! OOH! OW! OW!

BEING A JELLYFISH SURE IS FUN.

BUZZ... BUZZ...

( crack )

BUZZ.

( shivering )

( pop )

( resumes shivering )

HEY!

EW, I'M ITCHY.

ITCHY-- WHY AM I SO ITCHY?

( screams )

POISON SEA URCHINS.

OW, OW, ITCH, ITCH, ITCH, ITCH, OW

OOH, OW, OW, OW, ITCH, ITCH, ITCH, ITCH, ITCH, ITCH...

BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ

BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ

BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ

BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ...

( thud )

( muffled ): KRABBY PATTIES.

BUZZ...

( sniffs )

BUZZ...

( sniffs )

SANDY...

BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ...

( sniffs )

BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ...

WHAT HAVE I DONE?

I HAD A GREAT LIFE AND FRIENDS, AND I GAVE ALL OF THAT UP.

All: WELCOME HOME, SPONGEBOB!

YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST.

I MADE A HUGE MISTAKE.

PLEASE FORGIVE ME.

AH, QUIT YOUR BLUBBERING AND HAVE A KRABBY PATTY.

DON'T MIND IF I DO.

AND I'LL SEE YOU AT WORK

FIRST THING TOMORROW MORNING.

AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN!

SPONGEBOB, DO US ALL A FAVOR...

DON'T MIND IF I DO.

( snaps pants loudly )

TA-DAH!

AW.

OKAY, THAT'S ENOUGH.

( growls affectionately )

( all ooh and ahh )

( meows )

COULD WE PLEASE STOP THIS?

PATRICK ITCHY.

All: OOH! OW! OH! OW! OOH!

IT IS GREAT TO BE HOME!

( crowing )

( snoring )

( SpongeBob and Patrick jabbering )

HUH?

( jabbering stops )

( jabbering resumes )

HUH?!

( blows noisemaker )

Both: SURPRISE!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SQUIDWARD!

* HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

* HAPPY BIRTHDAY CAKE!

* HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

* PIN THE TAIL ON THE SEA HORSE! *

* HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

* HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SQUIDWARD!

( SpongeBob cheering, noisemakers blaring )

SpongeBob: SO LONG, SQUIDWARD, BYE-BYE.

DON'T DO ANYTHING I WOULDN'T DO.

Patrick: ANOTHER YEAR OLDER.

IT'S NOT MY BIRTHDAY!

THAT'S IT!

I'M MOVING OUT OF THIS NEIGHBORHOOD.

Realtor: ABSOLUTELY, MR. TENTACLES.

I CAN SELL YOUR HOME IN A HEARTBEAT.

OH, THAT'S GREAT NEWS

BECAUSE I WANT TO MOVE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

NO PROBLEM... AS LONG AS IT'S NOT INFESTED WITH NEMATODES

OR SURROUNDED BY TROUBLESOME NEIGHBORS

OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

OH, SURE, THERE'S NONE OF THAT.

DID YOU SAY NEIGHBORS?

Of course! I can't tell you

how many times I've seen a sale fall through

because of bad neighbors.

NEIGHBORS, UH...

ANYWAY, I'LL BE BY TOMORROW TO CHECK OUT THE HOUSE.

SEE YOU THEN.

SPONGEBOB.

NO ONE WILL EVER BUY MY HOUSE WITH HIM LIVING NEXT DOOR.

WHATEVER A GOOD NEIGHBOR WOULD DO, HE DOES THE OPPOSITE.

OPPOSITE... OPPOSITE.

( rooster crowing )

( cacophonous music playing ) ( yells )

( playing loudly )

UH, SQUIDWARD...

WHY ARE YOU PLAYING THE DRUM?

DRUM?

WHAT DRUM?

THIS IS JUST MY WIG CASE, SEE?

( cackles )

COME ON, SPONGEBOB, TACKLE ME!

SQUIDWARD, YOU NEED BED REST.

I'LL KEEP YOU SAFE

UNTIL YOU'RE WELL AGAIN.

OH, I GET IT.

YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT DAY IT IS, DO YOU?

UH, WEDNESDAY?

WHY, IT'S OPPOSITE DAY.

YOU'VE NEVER HEARD OF IT?

BOY, HAVE YOU BEEN MISSING OUT.

OPPOSITE DAY IS THE ONE DAY OF THE YEAR

WHEN YOU GET TO ACT DIFFERENT.

NORMALLY I'M STUFFY AND BORING

BUT TODAY I'M SILLY AND SPONTANEOUS.

( giggles )

DOES EVERYBODY KNOW ABOUT OPPOSITE DAY?

OH, SURE.

IT'S A GAME, GET IT?

OH, A GAME.

YEAH.

NORMALLY, YOU'RE REALLY LOUD AND ANNOYING

SO WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO BE TODAY?

QUIET AND OUT OF THE WAY.

YAY!

YEAH.

WHY DON'T YOU GET A JUMP ON IT.

( exuberantly ): I LOVE...

( gruffly ): I MEAN, I HATE OPPOSITE DAY.

( giggles )

( yelling ): I'M NOT READY.

SO LONG, CHUM.

AND GOOD-BYE, BIKINI BOTTOM.

( door slams )

GARY, IT'S OPPOSITE DAY AND I'M--

WALK, DON'T RUN--

AND I'M GOING TO...

OPPOSITE, OPPOSITE.

I'M JUST GOING TO CRAWL INTO BED AND DO NOTHING ALL DAY.

TOO BAD IT ONLY COMES ONCE A YEAR, HUH, GARY?

( meows )

GARY, WHERE'S YOUR HOLIDAY SPIRIT?

( barks )

( doorbell rings )

COMPANY!

I HATE COMPANY.

WHO'S THERE?

IT'S PATRICK.

PATRICK... GO AWAY!

I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!

( giggles )

( whimpers )

( sobbing )

SPONGEBOB DOESN'T LIKE ME ANYMORE.

THAT'S RIGHT.

YOU'RE MY WORST ENEMY.

( sobbing )

PATRICK, YOU'RE NOT REALLY NOT MY FRIEND.

IT'S JUST OPPOSITE DAY.

OPPOSITE DAY?

HEY, I'VE HEARD OF THAT.

YOU HAVE?

NO, WHAT IS IT?

WELL, WHATEVER YOU NORMALLY DO

TODAY YOU DO THE OPPOSITE.

LET ME TRY, LET ME TRY.

( straining )

( still straining )

PATRICK!

PATRICK, BREATHE!

( exhales loudly )

( gasping )

NOT THAT OPPOSITE.

LET ME SHOW YOU HOW TO DO IT... THE WRONG WAY.

MEOW.

MEOW.

( speaking gibberish )

( laughing )

SAY, WANT TO HELP ME

DO SOME WORK AROUND THE HOUSE, WORST ENEMY?

NOPE.

( laughing )

( Squidward cackles )

NEARLY NOON AND NOT A PEEP FROM SPONGEBOB.

I'M ALMOST SORRY I'M LEAVING.

( cackles )

OPPOSITE DAY.

( crashing )

SPONGEBOB, WHAT ARE YOU...?

( yells )

HELLO, SQUIDWARD.

OOP, I MEAN, GOOD-BYE, SQUIDWARD.

ISN'T OPPOSITE DAY... TERRIBLE.

( laughs )

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT'S TERRIBLE: LIVING NEXT TO YOU.

YOU'RE THE WORST NEIGHBOR IN HISTORY.

WOW! THAT'S THE NICEST THING SQUIDWARD HAS EVER SAID TO ME.

IF THE REAL ESTATE AGENT SEES THAT MESS

I'LL NEVER SELL THIS HOUSE.

Patrick: ISN'T IT BEAUTIFUL?

ON OPPOSITE DAY IT IS.

( rumbling )

OUT OF THE WAY, SPONGEBOB!

( hammer pounding )

I DON'T GET IT.

I MADE MY HOUSE A MESS

WHICH WAS MAKING IT CLEAN

WHICH MADE SQUIDWARD CLEAN MY YARD

BUT THAT MEANS HE'S MESSING IT UP.

BUT THE OPPOSITE OF CLEAN IS FILTH

WHICH MEANS FILTH IS CLEAN.

SQUIDWARD'S MAKING MY YARD A WRECK

BUT I'D NORMALLY WRECK MY OWN YARD

SO SQUIDWARD'S BEING THE OPPOSITE OF SQUIDWARD

WHICH MEANS HE'S SPONGEBOB.

AHA! I UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING NOW.

I MUST BE THE OPPOSITE OF SPONGEBOB BY BEING...

SQUIDWARD.

HEY...

I WANT TO BE OPPOSITE, TOO.

YEAH, FINALLY!

YOO-HOO!

* I'M SQUIDWARD, I'M SQUIDWARD *

* SQUIDWARD, SQUIDWARD.

WAIT.

IT'S NOT ENOUGH TO LOOK LIKE SQUIDWARD TO BE OPPOSITE.

( imitating Squidward ): YOU HAVE TO ACT LIKE HIM, TOO.

BOY, OH, BOY, DO I LIKE PLAYING THE CLARINET.

I PRACTICE AND PRACTICE ALL DAY LONG

BUT I NEVER GET ANY BETTER.

( in his own voice ): NOW YOU TRY.

OKAY.

( inhales )

* I'M SQUIDWARD, SQUIDWARD, SQUIDWARD, SQUIDWARD. *

Both: * I'M SQUIDWARD, I'M SQUIDWARD

* SQUIDWARD, SQUIDWARD.

AFTER YOU, MR. SQUIDWARD.

WHY, THANK YOU, MR. SQUIDWARD.

YOU'RE QUITE WELCOME, MR. SQUIDWARD.

OPPOSITE DAY.

NEXT TIME IT'S GOING TO BE "GO JUMP OFF A CLIFF" DAY.

( tires squeal )

OH, MY.

THE HOUSE IS EVEN MORE BEAUTIFUL IN PERSON.

HELLO, MIST...

UM, MR. TENTACLES?

YES, PLEASE COME IN.

I PICTURED YOU BEING MUCH TALLER.

YEAH, EVERYONE SAYS THAT.

NOW, IF YOU WANT THE SALE TO GO THROUGH

YOU'VE GOT TO TELL ME

ALL THE POSITIVE THINGS ABOUT YOUR HOUSE.

POSITIVE THINGS-- OPPOSITE DAY.

I'D LOVE TO.

THE FLOOR CREAKS, THE ROOF LEAKS.

THERE'S A TERRIBLE DRAFT.

UH... WELL, YOU DIDN'T MENTION THAT ON THE PHONE.

PLEASE LET ME FINISH.

THE WINTERS ARE HARD.

THE SUMMERS ARE BRUTAL.

THERE'S A WILD MAN-EATING CLAM IN THE BACKYARD.

WOULD YOU CARE TO SEE THE REST?

WELL, I'M NOT SURE IF I'M INTERESTED.

NONSENSE.

I WON'T TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER.

( honking )

PLEASE FOLLOW ME.

AND HERE'S THE WORST ROOM IN THE HOUSE: MY GALLERY.

OH, MY, THIS PAINTING IS VERY NICE.

THANK YOU. ( screams )

WHO'S THAT?

I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE YOU TO MR. SQUIDWARD.

YOU'RE BOTH SQUIDWARD?

I'M SQUIDWARD.

HE'S SQUIDWARD.

Both: WE'RE BOTH SQUIDWARD.

( sighs )

WELL, THAT'S DONE.

AT LEAST SPONGEBOB HAS BEEN QUIET.

( screams ): NO!

( playing squeakily )

OKAY, I REALLY DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANOTHER ONE.

OKAY.

( tooting )

I REALLY DON'T WANT TO HEAR MORE, THANK YOU.

I HEAR YOU LOUD AND CLEAR.

( tooting )

Squidward: STOP!

GET AWAY FROM HER!

OH, OH, I AM SO SORRY, MA'AM.

I-I HOPE THESE TWO BARNACLE-HEADS

HAVEN'T HARMED YOU IN ANY WAY.

WHO ARE YOU?

WHY, I'M SQUIDWARD.

WHAT KIND OF FOOL DO YOU TAKE ME FOR?

HE'S SQUIDWARD?

HE'S SQUIDWARD?

YOU'RE SQUIDWARD?

I'M SQUIDWARD!

ARE THERE ANY OTHER SQUIDWARDS?

( in Squidward's voice ): MEOW.

I'M OUT OF HERE.

MA'AM, PLEASE.

WHAT ABOUT MY HOUSE?

I WOULDN'T SELL A HOUSE FOR YOU

IF YOU WERE THE LAST SQUIDWARD ON EARTH!

WAIT!

DON'T...

GO!

( screams )

NO, NO, NO!

PLEASE SELL MY HOUSE.

NEVER!

DON'T LEAVE ME HERE!

( crying )

Both: HAPPY OPPOSITE DAY, SQUIDWARD.

WE HATE YOU.

LET ME SHOW YOU GUYS HOW MUCH I HATE YOU.

( engine revs )

( yelling )

PATRICK, YOU EVER FEEL

THAT SQUIDWARD LIKES US TOO MUCH?

HAPPY OPPOSITE DAY!

[Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

and NICKELODEON]

[Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation]