Original subtitles

ARE YOU READY, KIDS?

Kids: AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN!

I CAN'T HEAR YOU.

( louder ): AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN!

* OH... *

* WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA? *

* SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! *

* ABSORBENT AND YELLOW AND POROUS IS HE. *

* SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! *

* IF NAUTICAL NONSENSE BE SOMETHING YOU WISH... *

* SPONGEBOB SQUARE PANTS! *

* THEN DROP ON THE DECK AND FLOP LIKE A FISH. *

* SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! *

* READY? SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! *

* SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! *

* SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! *

* SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! *

( laughs heartily )

[Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION ( plays airy tune )

and NICKELODEON]

MRS. PUFF'S BOATING SCHOOL

WHERE DILIGENT STUDENTS LEARN THE RULES OF THE ROAD.

Mrs. Puff: EVERYONE

PUT DOWN YOUR BOOKS

BECAUSE IT'S TIME TO PICK OUT THE HALL MONITOR OF THE DAY!

LET'S SEE HERE.

THIS WEEK'S HALL MONITOR WILL BE...

BART, JIMMY, NO, NO

TINA, RALPH, HMM... ( gasps )

( in quaking voice ): SPONGEBOB.

( chair squeaks )

IT'S JIMMY.

JIMMY'S THE HALL MONITOR.

MRS. PUFF, I'VE DONE IT ALREADY.

( chair squeaks )

OH-- PHIL?

NO WAY, MRS. PUFF.

UH, TINA-- YOU'RE THE HALL MONITOR.

HEY, I'VE DONE IT THREE TIMES ALREADY.

( chair squeaks )

B-BETH...

Boy: SHE GRADUATED.

HENRY! ( squeak )

VERA! ( squeak )

CLAYTON!

( chair squeaking repeatedly )

( sighs )

ALL RIGHT, I GUESS I HAVE NO CHOICE.

( gulps )

THE HALL MONITOR OF THE DAY IS...

OH... SPONGEBOB.

YA...HOO!

HALL MONITOR SPONGEBOB

REPORTING FOR DUTY, MA'AM.

I'M READY TO ASSUME MY POSITION

IN THE HALL.

I WILL PROTECT ALL THAT ARE WEAK... IN THE HALL.

ALL RULES WILL BE ENFORCED... IN THE HALL.

OKAY!

JUST TAKE THE HAT AND BELT.

I CAN'T ACCEPT THAT YET, MA'AM.

I HAVE TO MAKE MY SPEECH.

YOU CAN'T MAKE THIS EASY, CAN YOU?

CLASSMATES!

WHO AM I TO DESERVE SUCH A GREAT HONOR?

WHY, I WOULD BE NOTHING

WITHOUT MRS. PUFF.

GIVE ME A BREAK.

AND TO MY PUBLIC

ALL I CAN SAY IS I'M TOUCHED.

AND FURTHERMORE

I WILL CARRY OUT MY DUTIES...

CRIME AND PUNISHMENT, PUNISHMENT AND CRIME

IN THE HALL.

WHICH REMINDS ME OF AN EXTREMELY LONG SPEECH

WRITTEN BY THE GREATEST HALL MONITOR

OF ALL TIME.

"FRIENDS, STUDENTS, JUVENILE DELINQUENTS

LEND ME YOUR EARS."

( snoring )

IN CONCLUSION AND WITHOUT A MOMENT TO SPARE

I WILL PUT ON THIS UNIFORM AND ASSUME MY DUTIES AS...

HALL MONITOR!

WISH ME LUCK, MRS. PUFF.

OH, AND I WILL BE...

( bell dings )

SPONGEBOB, ARE YOU OKAY?

I OVERDID THE SPEECH AGAIN, DIDN'T I?

I'M AFRAID SO.

AW, TARTAR SAUCE!

I GUESS I WON'T BE NEEDING THIS.

I HARDLY KNEW YE.

UH... SPONGEBOB?

YES, MRS. PUFF?

I CAN AT LEAST LET YOU WEAR IT UNTIL TOMORROW.

YAHOO!

THANKS, MRS. PUFF.

WHAT ARE THE CONSEQUENCES OF WHAT I'VE JUST DONE?

( shudders )

( sighs )

( humming )... HALL

( humming )... MONITOR.

( humming )

( horns honking )

BROKEN TRAFFIC LIGHT.

WHO'S TO SAY MY MONITOR DUTIES SHOULD END

JUST BECAUSE THE BELL RANG?

I CAN BE HELPFUL ANYWHERE.

THIS LOOKS LIKE A JOB FOR THE HALL MONITOR!

( blows whistle )

( blowing whistle rhythmically )

WHAT WOULD THIS TOWN DO WITHOUT YOU, SPONGEBOB?

Man: MY LEGS!

MY LEGS!

* ON PATROL *

* I'M ON PATROL... *

UH-OH, AN OPEN WINDOW.

MORE SEAWEED MEDLEY, DEAR?

THE FOOLS.

THEY'VE LEFT THEMSELVES SUSCEPTIBLE TO DANGER.

I MUST SHOW THEM THE ERROR OF THEIR WAYS

THROUGH EXAMPLE.

( SpongeBob screams )

I'M THE OPEN WINDOW MANIAC!

( both screaming )

I HOPE YOU LEARNED A VALUABLE LESSON!

* ON PATROL *

* I'M ON PATROL *

* I'M ON PATROL... *

( gasps )

VANDALS!

ANOTHER CRIME.

( smacking his lips )

HMM... STRAWBERRY.

I MUST ACT.

PATRICK...

PATRICK!

PATRICK!

MY ICE CREAM-- IT'S ALIVE!

( screams )

PATRICK, DOWN HERE.

OH, SPONGEBOB, IT'S YOU.

PATRICK, COME DOWN HERE.

SPONGEBOB...

SPONGEBOB!

I'M DOWN HERE.

YOU LOOK FUNNY.

HI, SPONGEBOB.

THAT'S "HALL MONITOR" TO YOU.

SORRY, OFFICER.

SORRY'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH, PATRICK.

YOU'VE JUST COMMITTED A CRIME

AND I'M TAKING YOU IN.

WHAT CRIME?

I'M A BAD PERSON.

( sobbing )

Newspaper boy ( in high voice ): EXTRA! EXTRA!

MANIAC STRIKES BIKINI BOTTOM!

CITY PARALYZED WITH FEAR!

( in gruff voice ): TELL YOUR FRIENDS.

ARM YOURSELVES WITH KNOWLEDGE.

EXTRA! EXTRA...

HMM... "MANIAC... BIKINI BOTTOM...

CAR WRECKS... BREAK-IN."

WHO BETTER TO BRING THIS MANIAC TO JUSTICE

THAN ME... THE HALL MONITOR!

BUT I CAN'T HANDLE THIS CASE ALONE.

PATRICK, ARE YOU READY

TO GIVE UP YOUR LIFE OF CRIME?

I WANT TO BE GOOD!

HMM... NOW YOU JUST NEED A SYMBOL OF AUTHORITY.

PERFECT.

IT IS OUR DUTY TO CATCH THIS MANIAC

AND BRING HIM TO JUSTICE.

BUT HOW TO PROCEED?

LISTEN, DEPUTY, YOU'RE AN EX-CRIMINAL--

WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

HMM...

I'D GET AN ICE CREAM.

( both licking loudly )

OKAY, NOW WHAT?

HMM...

THIS ISN'T WORKING.

WE'VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING ELSE.

SOMETHING WITH... WALKIE-TALKIES!

( squeals )

AND NOW DUTY CALLS.

ALL RIGHT, DEPUTY, I'LL GO THAT WAY

YOU GO SOME DIFFERENT WAY.

GERONIMO!

( imitates police siren )

( police siren approaching )

( tires squeal )

AFTERNOON, SON.

HELLO, BROTHERS.

SON, WE'RE LOOKING FOR THE MANIAC.

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS MAN?

( screams )

IT'S THE MANIAC!

TAKE HIM AWAY, TAKE HIM AWAY.

CALM DOWN, SON, IT'S JUST A DRAWING

NOT THE REAL THING.

NOW WE'RE GOING TO SHOW YOU

THIS PICTURE AGAIN AND YOU'LL TELL US

IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS GUY, UNDERSTAND?

YEAH, UH-HUH.

OKAY.

( screams )

HORRIBLE!

( screams again )

( stops and starts screaming repeatedly )

STAY INDOORS, SON.

AND TAKE THAT CONE OFF YOUR HEAD.

( both chuckle )

SPONGEBOB.

Come in, SpongeBob.

Answer!

SPONGEBOB HERE, PATRICK.

REPORT.

I don't want to be a policeman anymore.

I'm scared.

GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF, DEPUTY.

( Patrick sobbing )

I want to go home!

POOR ROOKIE.

ALL RIGHT, I'M ON MY WAY BACK.

HURRY, SPONGEBOB.

I THINK IT'S GETTING...

DARK.

JUST PUT ON YOUR SIREN, I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.

( imitating weak siren )

( imitating loud siren )

SPONGEBOB, I SEE HIM.

WHERE IS HE, PATRICK?

AT THE INTERSECTION OF CONCH AND CORAL.

SpongeBob: THAT'S WHERE I AM.

HE'S RIGHT ON TOP OF ME, BUT I CAN'T SEE HIM.

WHAT'S HE DOING?

UH... HE'S JUST STANDING THERE...

MENACINGLY!

Get out of there, SpongeBob!

YAAH!

THAT'S HIS MANIAC SHRIEK.

HE'S GOING TO ATTACK.

( whining and sobbing )

He's acting all crazy.

RUN!

Hide behind that building.

No, he's behind that building.

Quick, hide behind that street sign.

No, wait!

The maniac just went behind that sign.

Quick, get under the street light.

No! wait!

He's there, too!

Run for your life!

( screaming )

( sighs )

( muffled radio transmission )

SAY AGAIN, DEPUTY?

THE MANIAC'S IN THE MAILBOX.

( screams )

( screaming and babbling )

HUH-- THIS GUY'S NOT HALF-BAD-LOOKING FOR A MANIAC.

WAIT A MINUTE, PATRICK.

I'M THE MANIAC.

( Patrick screams )

( sirens wail )

WE'LL TAKE THAT AS A CONFESSION.

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS, THERE YOU ARE!

I TURN MY BACK ON YOU FOR ONE MINUTE

AND YOU DESTROY HALF THE CITY!

YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF.

YOU KNOW THIS GUY?

OF COURSE I DO.

I'M THE ONE WHO GAVE HIM THE UNIFORM IN THE FIRST PLACE.

HE'S MY RESPONSIBILITY.

UH-OH.

Mrs. Puff: AND IN CONCLUSION, STUDENTS

RED MEANS STOP, GREEN MEANS GO.

AND SPONGEBOB...

YES, MRS. PUFF?

I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU AFTER CLASS

SIX MONTHS FROM NOW.

( door slams )

AH, JELLYFISH FIELDS.

HERE WE FIND SPONGEBOB ONCE AGAIN

STALKING THE WILD JELLYFISH.

SPONGEBOB?

HELLO? SPONGEBOB?

HMM-- HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE HERE SOMEWHERE.

AHA!

( jellyfish buzzing like a bee )

SAFETY FIRST.

AHA!

I FINALLY GOT YOU.

( splatting )

( jellyfish moos )

( buzzing )

( with French accent ): AH, THERE IS NOTHING BETTER THAN THE TASTE

OF NATURAL JELLY FROM A JELLYFISH.

SEE YOU LATER!

OH... OH, MY GLASSES.

THANKS, LITTLE GUY.

BYE.

I CAN'T PLAY ANYMORE, JELLYFISH.

I GOT TO GET HOME.

NO, YOU CAN'T COME HOME WITH ME.

( steps squeaking like SpongeBob's )

JELLYFISH, YOU'VE GOT TO STAY HERE.

( buzzing )

HEY!

STAY!

STAY...

( jellyfish giggling )

JELLYFISH, FOR THE LAST TIME, YOU CANNOT COME HOME WITH ME!

AW, WHAT THE HECK.

SQUIDWARD, HEY, SQUIDWARD!

SQUIDWARD!

SQUIDWARDIARD!

SQUIDWARD, LOOK AT MY NEW PET.

THAT'S NO PET, THAT'S A WILD ANIMAL.

NO, HE ISN'T.

WATCH THIS.

FETCH.

HOW MANY FINGERS AM I HOLDING UP?

( hums deeply three times )

PLAY DEAD.

( bell tolls )

I WOULDN'T LET THAT THING IN MY HOUSE

EVEN IF IT WAS POTTY-TRAINED.

( humming casually )

I DIDN'T NEED TO SEE THAT.

WELL, WE'RE GOING TO MY HOUSE

TO HAVE A LITTLE FUN.

HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY HAVE FUN WITH A JELLYFISH?!

( techno music with heavy bass playing )

* HEY! *

* HEY! *

* HEY! *

* HEY! *

* HEY! *

* HEY! *

* HEY! *

( techno music continues blasting )

SPONGEBOB IS THE ONLY GUY I KNOW

THAT CAN HAVE FUN WITH A JELLYFISH...

FOR 12 HOURS!

UGH... WOW!

YOU SURE LIKE TO DANCE.

WELL, THAT'S ENOUGH FOR TONIGHT.

IT'S TIME TO GO TO BED.

( jellyfish buzzing )

( music blasting )

HUH?

YOU'VE GOT IT ALL WRONG, LITTLE FELLOW.

( music starts again )

BED!

REPEAT AFTER ME, "BED."

( buzzing )

WE'LL JUST KEEP YOU RIGHT HERE.

( meows )

QUIT WORRYING, GARY.

HE'LL BE JUST FINE.

GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY.

( snoring )

( droning loudly )

( snoring )

( meows )

( buzzing gibberish )

( meows )

( giggling )

( meows )

( rooster crows )

MMM... GOOD MORNING, GARY.

GOOD MORNING, JELLYFISH.

JELLYFISH?

JELLYFISH?

HERE, JELLYFISH!

OH, JELLY!

( meows wetly )

OH, JELLYF...

( yelling )

( techno music playing )

WHERE'D YOU ALL COME FROM?

OKAY, THAT'S IT.

PARTY IS OVER!

YOU GUYS HAVE OVERSTAYED YOUR WELCOME.

THIS MUSIC IS WAY TOO LOUD.

( screams )

VERY FUNNY.

I'M SERIOUS.

( rumbling and crackling )

( grumbling )

18 HOURS!

I'M GOING TO GIVE THAT SPONGEBOB A PIECE OF MY MIND.

( phone ringing )

( garbled ): HELLO.

SpongeBob, listen to me

you square-headed assault on my ears.

I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS!

STRAWBERRY.

TWO CAN PLAY AT THIS.

( inhales deeply )

COME ON, GUYS

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.

HUH?

( clarinet playing squeaky version of "Row Your Boat" )

( screams )

HEY, TAKE IT EASY! OW!

OKAY, I'LL TALK TO HIM.

SQUIDWARD, WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE

TO PLAY YOUR CLARINET A LITTLE... BETTER?

I DON'T THINK THE JELLYFISH LIKE IT.

THE JELLYFISH DON'T LIKE...

WHA... WHY SURE, PAL, I CAN PLAY BETTER.

OKAY, HE SAID HE'LL PLAY BETTER.

( Squidward inhales deeply )

( playing loud, blaring note )

UH-OH, THAT'S NOT BETTER.

HEY, TAKE IT EASY WITH THAT!

( playing gurgly rendition of "Row, Row, Row Your Boat" )

( clarinet squeaks )

Squidward: UH, WAIT-- I CAN TURN IT DOWN.

( Squidward yelling, electricity crackling )

( knock at door )

EVERYBODY'S A CRITIC.

YOU WON'T BE HEARING FROM ME ANYMORE.

HEY, NOW, THAT WASN'T NICE.

( boat horn blows )

OKAY, THAT IS IT!

EVERYBODY OUT!

( groaning )

( groaning again )

( music stops )

( gulps )

( buzzing )

UH, WAIT... HOLD ON.

UH, WAIT.

OW, OW...

OW, OW, OW...

( yelling )

( electricity crackling )

( yelling )

COME ON, GARY.

( deep rumbling )

GARY, YOU WERE RIGHT.

THANKS FOR NOT RUBBING IT IN.

( buzzing loudly )

( teeth chattering )

( clicking )

HUH?

THEY STOPPED?

( clicking )

GARY, DON'T STOP SHAKING IT!

( jellyfish humming peacefully )

( gurgling in tempo )

( rattling in tempo )

( clicking in tempo )

( playing bass riff )

( singing )

( slide guitar playing )

( trumpets join in )

( clicking )

( everybody strumming, clicking, rattling or singing )

TODAY SPONGEBOB HAS LEARNED ONE OF THE SEA'S HARSHEST LESSONS--

WILD ANIMALS CAN THROW VERY WILD PARTIES.

( screeching with pain )

OOH, I FELT THAT.

[Captioning sponsored by THE and NICKELODEON]

[Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation]