Original subtitles

ARE YOU READY, KIDS?

Kids: AYE AYE, CAPTAIN!

I CAN'T HEAR YOU!

AYE AYE, CAPTAIN!

* OH... *

* WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA? *

* SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! *

* ABSORBENT AND YELLOW AND POROUS IS HE *

* SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! *

* IF NAUTICAL NONSENSE BE SOMETHING YOU WISH *

* SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! *

* THEN DROP ON THE DECK AND FLOP LIKE A FISH *

* SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! *

* READY? SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! *

* SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS *

* SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS *

* SPONGEBOB... SQUAREPANTS! *

( Captain laughs )

( plays flute tune )

[Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

and NICKELODEON]

Frenchman: AH, THE SEA, SO FASCINATING, SO WONDERFUL.

HERE WE SEE BIKINI BOTTOM, TEEMING WITH LIFE

HOME OF ONE OF MY FAVORITE CREATURES:

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS.

YES, OF COURSE HE LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE, YOU SILLY.

( snoring )

( horn blows )

( horn stops )

TODAY'S THE BIG DAY, GARY.

( meows )

LOOK AT ME!

I'M... NAKED!

GOT TO BE IN TOP PHYSICAL CONDITION FOR TODAY, GARY.

( meows )

( breathing deeply )

( grunts )

( screams )

( grunts and screams )

( pants )

( screams )

( gasps )

( bunnies squeak )

SpongeBob: I'M READY!

I'M READY, I'M READY, I'M READY.

I'M READY, I'M READY, I'M READY, I'M READY...

GO, SPONGEBOB!

WHOA...

( crashes )

THERE IT IS...

THE FINEST EATING ESTABLISHMENT

EVER ESTABLISHED FOR EATING.

THE KRUSTY KRAB, HOME OF THE CRABBY PATTY.

A HELP WANTED SIGN IN THE WINDOW.

FOR YEARS, I'VE DREAMED OF THIS MOMENT.

I'M GOING TO GO IN THERE, MARCH STRAIGHT TO THE MANAGER

LOOK HIM IN THE EYE, LAY IT ON THE LINE

AND I CAN'T DO THIS!

PATRICK!

WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?

I WAS JUST... NO, YOU'RE NOT.

YOU'RE GOING TO THE KRUSTY KRAB AND GET THAT JOB!

I CAN'T, DON'T YOU SEE?

I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

WHOSE FIRST WORDS WERE, "MAY I TAKE YOUR ORDER?"

MINE WERE.

WHO MADE A SPATULA

OUT OF TOOTHPICKS IN WOOD SHOP?

I DID.

WHO'S...

( grunts )

WHO'S...

WHO'S A BIG, YELLOW CUBE WITH HOLES?

I AM!

WHO'S READY?

I'M READY!

WHO'S READY? I'M READY!

WHO'S READY?

I'M READY!

I'M READY.

I'M READY, I'M READY...

I'M READY, I'M READY, I'M READY!

OH, NO. SPONGEBOB!

WHAT COULD HE POSSIBLY WANT?

GO, SPONGEBOB! GO, SPONGEBOB!

GO, SPONGEBOB, GO, SELF.

( shrieks )

MR. KRABS!

HURRY, MR. KRABS, BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.

SpongeBob: PERMISSION TO COME ABOARD, CAPTAIN.

I'VE BEEN TRAINING MY WHOLE LIFE

TO JOIN THE KRUSTY CREW, AND NOW I'M READY.

( yelping )

( bouncing and yelping )

AH!

AH! OOH.

UM...

SO, UH, WHEN DO I START?

LAD, IT LOOKS LIKE YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE YOUR SEA LEGS.

MR. KRABS, PLEASE, I'LL PROVE I'M FRY COOK MATERIAL.

ASK SQUIDWARD.

HE'LL VOUCH FOR ME.

NO.

WELL, LAD, WE'LL GIVE YOU A TEST, AND IF YOU PASS

YOU'LL BE ON THE KRUSTY CREW.

GO OUT AND FETCH ME A...

A... HYDRODYNAMIC SPATULA

WITH, UM, PORT AND STARBOARD ATTACHMENTS

AND TURBO DRIVE.

AND DON'T COME BACK TILL YOU GET ONE.

AYE AYE, CAPTAIN.

ONE HYDRODYNAMIC SPATULA

PORT AND STARBOARD ATTACHMENTS, TURBO DRIVE

COMING UP, SIR!

CARRY ON!

WE'LL NEVER SEE THAT LUBBER AGAIN.

YOU'RE TERRIBLE.

A HYDRO WHAT?

( laughing )

( still laughing... )

Driver: HEY, HEY, PLEASE! PASSENGERS ARE TO STAY SEATED

AND NOT PUT THEIR HEADS OUT THE WINDOWS.

( laughter inside continues )

( gasps )

THAT SOUNDED LIKE HATCH DOORS.

( sniffing )

DO YOU SMELL IT?

THAT SMELL.

A KIND OF SMELLY SMELL.

A SMELLY SMELL THAT SMELLS...

SMELLY.

ANCHOVIES.

WHAT?

ANCHOVIES!

( anchovies clamoring )

PLEASE, PLEASE!

QUIET!

IS THIS ANY WAY TO BEHAVE?

HMM?

CAN WE SHOW A LITTLE DECENCY

AND FORM A NEAT, SINGLE-FILE LINE IN FRONT OF THE REGISTER?

( clamoring hysterically )

* BARG'N-MART, MEETING ALL YOUR SPATULA NEEDS. *

Krabs: ALL HANDS ON DECK!

GET YOUR ANCHORS OUT OF YOUR PANTS!

ONE SINGLE-FILE LINE IS ALL I ASK! WHOA!

WHOA!

BATTEN DOWN THE HATCHES, MR. SQUIDWARD!

WE'RE TAKING ON WATER, MR. SQUIDWARD!

I WANT MY MOMMY, MR. SQUIDWARD!

( humming )

* SPATULA, SPATULA *

* PORT AND STARBOARD ATTACHMENTS. *

Squidward: HELP!

Krabs: MAN OVERBOARD!

CLIMB, MR. SQUIDWARD, CLIMB!

THIS IS THE END!

GOOD-BYE, MR. SQUIDWARD.

OH, MR. KRABS!

( sobbing )

SpongeBob: PERMISSION TO COME ABOARD, CAPTAIN.

* DA-DADADA-DA-DAH! *

DID SOMEONE ORDER A SPATULA?

( babbling incoherently )

THAT'S RIGHT, ONE HYDRODYNAMIC SPATULA

WITH PORT AND STARBOARD ATTACHMENTS

AND LET'S NOT FORGET THE TURBO DRIVE.

WOULD YOU BELIEVE THEY ONLY HAD ONE IN STOCK?

TO THE KITCHEN!

WHO'S HUNGRY?

( anchovies clamor )

Tiny Tim: * THINGS THAT BOTHER YOU NEVER BOTHER ME *

* I'M AS HAPPY AS PIE, HA-HA! *

* LIVING IN THE SUNLIGHT, LOVING IN THE MOONLIGHT *

* HAVING A WONDERFUL TIME. *

* HAVEN'T GOT A LOT, I DON'T NEED A LOT *

* COFFEE'S ONLY A DIME *

* LIVING IN THE SUNLIGHT, LOVING IN THE MOONLIGHT *

* HAVING A WONDERFUL TIME. *

* JUST TAKE IT FROM ME, I'M JUST AS FREE AS ANY BROTHER. *

* I DO WHAT I LIKE JUST WHEN I LIKE, AND HOW I LOVE IT. *

* I'M RIGHT HERE TO STAY, WHEN I'M OLD AND GRAY *

* I'LL BE RIGHT IN MY PRIME *

* LIVING IN THE SUNLIGHT, LOVING IN THE MOONLIGHT *

* HAVING A WONDERFUL TIME. *

( trilling the tune )

( blows a musical note )

THAT WAS THE FINEST FAST-FOODSMANSHIP

I'VE EVER SEEN, MR. SQUAREPANTS.

WELCOME ABOARD.

BUT MR. KRABS...

THREE CHEERS FOR SPONGEBOB!

HIP, HIP...

HOORAY. MR. KRABS...

HIP, HIP... HOORAY.

HIP, HIP...

HOORAY. MR. KRABS...

I'LL BE IN MY QUARTERS

COUNTING UP THE BOOTY.

GOOD MORNING, KRUSTY CREW!

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO ORDER, PATRICK?

ONE CRABBY PATTY, PLEASE.

( crashing )

Squidward: MR. KRABS, MR. KRABS!

MR. KRABS, COME SEE YOUR NEW EMPLOYEE.

* LIVING IN THE SUNLIGHT, LOVING IN THE MOONLIGHT *

* HAVING A WONDERFUL TIME! *

( whistles casually )

( motor throbbing... )

( grumbles )

( coughs )

( motor starts, then dies )

( gasps )

( buzzing like a bee )

WOW, FOUR STINGERS.

( buzzing )

OH!

( girl yelling )

( yelling )

( gasps )

( grunting... )

WHERE HAVE I SEEN THIS BEFORE?

HERE IT IS--

LAND SQUIRREL.

THAT LITTLE SQUIRREL IS IN TROUBLE.

TAKE THAT, YOU SORRY OLD CLAM.

YOU NEED TO LEARN SOME MANNERS.

YOU'RE ABOUT AS UGLY AS HOMEMADE SOUP.

HOORAY, LAND SQUIRREL!

( growls )

LOOK OUT!

( grunting... )

HOLD ON, LITTLE SQUIRREL!

( karate yell )

HO-HO-HO-HO!

HO-HEE!

HOY-YA!

YOU HAVE FOUGHT WELL, GIANT CLAM.

PREPARE TO BE VANQUISHED.

( yells, grunting... )

HEY, I'M ACTUALLY DOING IT.

( grunting... )

( victorious yell )

YOUR SHELL IS MINE!

( grunts ) HOLD ON THERE, LITTLE SQUARE DUDE.

( karate yell )

( yells )

( clam whimpers )

HEY, YOU LIKE KARATE, TOO.

( karate yelling... )

HA!

SO, WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

SANDY.

SO, WHAT... DO... YOU... CALL YOURSELF?

( yelling ): I'M SPONGEBOB!

WELL, SPONGEBOB...

TAKE A GANDER AT THIS.

( rumbling, cracking... )

OH.

OH, YEAH?

WATCH THIS.

( yells )

( armpit-farts )

( giggles ) I LIKE YOU, SPONGEBOB.

WE COULD BE TIGHTER THAN BARK ON A TREE.

( karate yells )

UH, I LIKE YOU TOO, SANDY.

( karate yells )

WHAT IS THAT ON YOUR HEAD?

THAT'S MY AIR HELMET.

MAY I TRY IT ON?

HECK NO, I NEED IT TO BREATHE.

I GOT TO HAVE MY AIR.

ME, TOO!

I LOVE AIR.

AIR IS GOOD.

NO KIDDING?

WHY, AIR IS MY MIDDLE NAME.

THE MORE AIR, THE BETTER.

CAN'T GET ENOUGH AIR.

( drawling ): SHOOT!

HOW ABOUT COMING OVER TOMORROW FOR TEA AND COOKIES THEN?

DON'T BE LATE.

OKAY, SEE YOU TOMORROW.

PATRICK!

PATRICK!

PATRICK, PATRICK, PATRICK!

WHAT'S AIR?

HUH?

I JUST MET THIS GIRL.

SHE WEARS A HAT FULL OF... AIR.

DO YOU MEAN SHE "PUTS ON AIRS"?

I GUESS SO.

THAT'S JUST FANCY TALK.

IF YOU WANT TO BE FANCY

HOLD YOUR PINKY UP LIKE THIS.

THE HIGHER YOU HOLD IT, THE FANCIER YOU ARE.

HOW'S THAT?

HIGHER.

LIKE THAT?

NOW, THAT'S FANCY!

THEY SHOULD CALL YOU SPONGEBOB FANCYPANTS.

REMEMBER, WHEN IN DOUBT, PINKY OUT.

YOU CAN DO IT, SPONGEBOB.

I'LL BE WATCHING.

THANKS, PAL.

( rings bell )

Hello?

HIYA, SANDY. IT'S ME, SPONGEBOB.

Hold on, I'll let you in.

( buzzing )

( whistling )

( drain gurgling )

( stifled whistling )

( yelling ): SANDY!

OPEN UP!

SANDY! SANDY!

SANDY, SOMETHING'S GONE TERRIBLY WRONG.

THERE'S NO WATER IN...

HERE.

'COURSE THERE'S NO WATER.

NOTHING BUT AIR.

NO WATER?

THAT AIN'T A PROBLEM, IS IT?

( karate yells )

PROBLEM?

( karate yells )

THAT'S HOW I LIKE MY AIR.

( inhales deeply )

( gagging, coughing )

WITH NO WATER.

Sandy: WELL, ALL RIGHT.

I MADE TEXAS TEA AND COOKIES.

WELL, COME ON IN.

( karate yells )

( legs squeaking )

THAT'S NOT IN.

IN!

( squeaking... )

YOU'RE A FUNNY LITTLE DUDE.

COME ON, I'LL GIVE YOU THE GRAND TOUR.

SO THIS IS MY OWN PRIVATE LITTLE AIR BUBBLE.

THIS AIR IS THE DRIEST...

( gasps )

PUREST...

( gasps )

MOST AIRIEST AIR IN THE WHOLE SEA.

OH, OVER THERE IS MY BIRDBATH.

( chirping cheerily )

AND THAT'S MY OAK TREE.

IT PROVIDES ME WITH EXTRA AIR.

THIS DOME IS MADE OF THE STRONGEST POLYURETHANE;

THAT'S A FANCY NAME FOR PLASTIC.

AIN'T THAT JUST THE BEE'S KNEES?

TELL YOU WHAT, WEREN'T EASY GETTING HERE NEITHER.

FIRST, I HAD TO HITCH IT UP TO A BIG, OLD...

( grunting )

( chirping angrily )

...THAT'S MY TREADMILL.

THAT'S HOW I STAY IN TIPTOP SHAPE.

OH, COME ON.

LET'S HAVE THAT TEA NOW.

( karate yells )

( gasps )

( knocking on dome )

PINKY, PINKY!

( gasps )

I BROUGHT YOU SOME FLOWERS.

FOR ME?

HOW SWEET!

YOU OKAY?

( raspily ): YES.

I'M OKAY.

YOU KNOW, YOU'RE THE FIRST SEA CRITTER TO EVER VISIT.

I CAN'T IMAGINE WHY.

CAN I GET YOU ANYTHING?

WATER WOULD BE NICE.

I'M GOING TO PUT THESE IN A VASE.

TAKE YOUR TIME.

( gasping )

I GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE.

Sandy: I LIKE YOU, SPONGEBOB.

WE COULD BE TIGHTER THAN BARK ON A TREE.

Patrick: WHEN IN DOUBT, PINKY OUT.

I DON'T NEED WATER.

WATER IS FOR QUITTERS.

I DON'T NEED IT.

I DON'T NEED IT.

I DON'T NEED IT.

I DON'T NEED IT, I DON'T NEED IT.

WHY, THESE FLOWERS ARE JUST BEAUTIFUL.

THEY'LL LIVE MUCH, MUCH LONGER

IN A VASE FULL OF ICE-COLD WATER.

SO TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF.

IT MUST BE FASCINATING BEING A SEA CRITTER.

SPONGEBOB?

( timer dings )

OH, THERE'S THE COOKIES.

BE RIGHT BACK.

SpongeBob ( thinking ): I DON'T NEED IT.

I DON'T NEED IT.

I DEFINITELY DON'T NEED IT.

I DON'T NEED IT.

I DON'T NEED IT.

I DON'T NEED IT.

I DON'T NEED IT.

( howling ): I NEED IT!

( wheezing )

NO, SPONGEBOB!

NO, NO, NO!

STOP!

PINKY, PINKY!

( yelling ): I'M A QUITTER!

( SpongeBob wailing )

YOU CAN'T LEAVE NOW.

YOU'LL BLOW IT.

AIR IS NOT GOOD, PATRICK.

AIR IS NOT GOOD.

YOU'RE JUST BEING SHY.

DON'T WORRY, BUDDY.

YOU'RE DOING FINE.

( panting heavily )

I WON'T LET YOU BLOW... THIS.

( wheezing )

( gagging )

WHAT KIND OF PLACE IS THIS?!

THERE'S NO WATER IN HERE!

I TRIED TO TELL YOU.

WE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE!

YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG.

WAIT, NO, WE'VE GOT TO GET OUT.

( door opens, closes )

COME AND GET IT.

YOU'RE ALL GOING TO LIKE THIS--

( shrieks )

( glasses breaking )

THERE.

THAT OUGHT TO DO IT.

IF YOU ALL NEEDED WATER, YOU SHOULD HAVE ASKED.

I PROPOSE A TOAST:

TO NEW FRIENDS!

HOLD ON A SECOND.

I HOPE YOU ALL LIKE YOUR TEA STRONG.

DRINK UP!

( both slurping )

All: AH!

and NICKELODEON]

[Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation]