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A-LITTLE-TOO-SECRET AGENTS

A FILM BY FRANK THIERRY LEA MALLE

It's going to be a good day.

A very good day.

A wonderful day.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

It's good to see you here.

Every man should serve his country with self-sacrifice and a smile.

But you have to admit,

being the boss puts a smile on your face.

I love it when you say I'm the boss.

Interim boss.

Don't ever say that damn word again.

It's true though, Joseph.

You shouldn't get your hopes up.

This is your seventh time as interim director,

and the last six times, someone else was appointed.

I've lost my appetite.

OK, fine,

I won't talk about it anymore.

You know I love you, my director.

Say those sweet words again.

What? I love you?

No, the two words.

The other two.

My director.

-My director. -Music to my ears.

My sweet director.

I could listen to you all day.

Oh, don't be silly, you have to go to work.

You're right.

Alright.

I must lead by example.

Say it again.

Get out of here, Mr. Director.

It's going to be a great day.

What a disaster.

The worst day of my life.

I'm devastated.

I was humiliated.

What happened, my darling?

Good morning, Acting Director.

Good morning, Acting Director.

Very soon, that damn word "acting" will be gone.

Good morning, Director.

Acting Director.

Good morning, Director.

My loyal Maria.

You're the only one who recognizes my worth.

Why are you so sad?

Are there people in the director's office?

Take this.

Joseph.

The valiant Joseph.

Good morning, Minister.

I'd like to express my sincere gratitude

for your loyalty to this agency.

Your devotion is remarkable.

It is an honor to serve the nation, Minister.

Alright, let us get down to business.

The Heritage Agency has been without a leader too long.

Your Excellency, it's the Secret Heritage Agency.

Whatever you say.

Personally, I don't understand how an agency

that preserves old junk is called a secret agency.

Anyway, as I was saying, the agency hasn't had a leader for too long.

Here I am, Your Excellency.

You're just filling in temporarily.

We need a director.

Without that ugly word "acting." Don't you agree?

-Yes. -A director, plain and simple.

-Yes. -A young person.

Who will bring a fresh energy to this agency.

A young person?

Yes, someone who can adapt to new technologies.

And have a fresh perspective.

-Who? -Him.

Behave yourself.

Let me introduce you.

Come forward.

Dear Joseph,

I'd like to introduce you to your new director.

What's wrong?

I had a nightmare.

The minister...

The minister appointed someone else instead of me.

It wasn't...

It wasn't just a nightmare, was it?

Good morning, Director.

Good morning, Acting Director.

Oh, sorry,

since they've appointed a new director,

you're back to being the deputy director.

Some jobs really do seem to suit certain people perfectly.

Among them, deputy director.

Good morning, Deputy Director.

Good morning, Deputy Director.

Hello, Deputy Director.

Good morning, Deputy Director.

Good morning, sir. How are you holding up?

I'm fine, Maria. I'm fine.

I'm OK.

It's OK. Besides, I didn't really want the job.

So, it's OK.

Oh, the shame.

What am I going to tell people?

No one respects me anymore.

Even at village meetings,

people call me "the one who will never be director."

It really isn't a joke what's happening to you.

You deserve that position,

not that clown of a minister's son.

Excuse me?

You didn't know?

Know what, Maria?

The new director is the husband of the minister's youngest daughter.

What?

Word is

he's been fired from a bunch of high-level jobs.

And the minister, who never turns his daughter down,

had his son-in-law appointed to get her off his back.

So, what am I? The son of a fool?

They appoint an incompetent person to a position that's rightfully mine?

We'll see about that.

You have that deadly look.

Yes.

I'm thinking.

Now I'm done.

And?

I have a plan.

-Good morning, Director. -Good morning.

I...

Since it was...

It was lovely otherwise.

-Are you a connoisseur? -Yes, I did National Ballet.

Way back when.

So, how is the transition going?

If someone says "go"...

-Sorry? -No, everything's fine.

Everything's going really well.

Have you taken a tour of the offices yet?

No.

I can be your guide.

Really?

That's very kind.

Of course, you're my boss.

Well, it's just that... I thought since I had...

-your... -Oh, that.

Don't worry about it, I play fair.

And to be completely honest with you,

I was never really interested in this position.

Sure.

So, does that mean we're OK?

Very much so.

That makes me very happy.

Do you know what I wanted to be?

No.

A musician.

So, I... I'm going to sing a song.

In honor of our budding friendship.

Did you at least know that I play guitar?

No.

You know

Life is really funny

There are people who want a job

There are others who don't want it

That's life

The misfortune of some

Is the luck of others

-Is it over? -Yes.

What did you think?

I don't really know much about music.

He's a musician.

What?

Exactly.

Sir, this way, please.

What's this?

Oh, this?

It's a... it's an agent's chair...

OUT OF SERVICE

It was a secret agent's chair.

In the past, agents didn't go through the door.

They'd go to a hair salon,

sit down, and press the red button.

And then...

Whoosh!

Suddenly, they were here.

Whoosh?

Yeah, no?

Right then and there.

You know?

Well, anyway, it doesn't work anymore.

Budget cuts.

Hello.

Hello.

That's it.

This is... our equipment room.

And she's kind of like our Q.

What does that mean?

-Your...? -No, no, no.

Agent Q, like in the James Bond films.

-You know what I mean? -No.

OK, never mind.

She is actually the head

of research and development.

She invents gadgets for field agents.

Really? What did she invent?

Not much since the budget cuts.

Ms. Bona.

Director. I wasn't sleeping.

You've come to see us.

Allow me to introduce the new director.

Hello, ma'am.

Hello, Director.

So, does this mean you're no longer...?

So, he says that you invent things.

Yes, I do.

That's amazing.

What's this?

A telephone.

Well, I know that.

But since we're in a secret agent lab,

what does it do?

Does it shoot flames?

When you press a button, does a parachute pop out?

-What? -A parachute?

It doesn't do anything.

You can make calls, though, right?

-No. -Why not?

Because it has no airtime.

OK.

These are all figures...

Mr. Joseph,

how long have you been here?

Since forever. I've never worked anywhere else.

I see.

It's a bit like your home.

Let's just say it's a reason to live.

You do have a real home though, right?

Director,

this is of the most important rooms in the agency.

Do you at least know what we're doing here?

No.

Wasn't I appointed just yesterday?

All right.

OK.

We are at the secret agency

for the protection of heritage and coats of arms.

So, everything that is precious

and dear to the country is stored here.

You have to consider that, with the budget cuts,

we lost quite a bit.

But we managed to save the most important things.

What's that?

This

is the document that makes you

the most powerful man in the country.

The most powerful man is...

At least, more powerful than the minister.

-More powerful than the minister? -Come closer.

I'll let you in on a secret.

The real power lies in the land.

The person who holds this document

is the true landowner of the country.

Come closer.

Just imagine yourself holding this document in your hands.

Can you feel the power?

-Can you feel it? -Yes.

Imagine putting it in your pocket.

Can you feel the power throughout your body?

Now, imagine going home with it.

You walk down the street,

no one pays any attention to you.

Yet you hold their fate in your hands.

Huh?

Can anyone just take it?

Not everyone.

But the director can.

Director.

Yes, Commissioner.

The girl was guilty after all.

Mr. Kouegne was a victim of his own popularity.

OK.

See you soon, Commissioner.

Sir.

-Did he take the bait? -Yes, sir.

HERITAGE ROOM 1

What an idiot.

How did you know it would work?

Gugus isn't very smart.

Gus, tave.

Gugus. Gugus, no?

Get yourself a sense of humor.

-What about the leak? -I published anon.

Anon. You don't know that either?

Anon, anonymous.

OK.

It's you young people who talk like that, isn't it?

Emmanuelle?

Yes, Emma.

Is that all you know how to do?

It's a good thing I'm here to think for the both of us.

It's a good thing I'm here to look good for the both of us.

I heard that.

-Where's the tea I asked for? -Coming right up.

Be careful, you country bumpkin!

Sorry, Auntie.

Go away, am I your aunt?

Geraldine?

-Gertrude. -I don't care.

How many times do I have to tell you to serve tea with a saucer?

-I'm sorry, Uncle. -"I'm sorry, Uncle."

It burns!

-I'm sorry. -Take it and get out of here.

Damn, is it a crime to want to help your siblings from the village?

You take a girl, give her something to do with her life,

she wants to kill you.

Seriously, family from the village...

Emmanuelle?

Come.

Come on.

Gertrude!

Well, well, well...

What's such a beautiful lady doing by the roadside?

Oh, my hero, you're an angel.

Thank you, God, for sending me such a handsome hero.

I'm flattered.

How can I help you?

Well, I was driving,

and it just stopped.

I don't know why.

This car is giving me trouble. Help me, my hero.

-Alright. -Here.

-OK. -There.

-Let me take a look. -OK.

You're a magician, my hero.

How did you do it?

I... I just started it.

Oh, you're too humble.

I'll give you a kiss.

Go on in. Go!

You. All this is your fault.

-My fault? -Yes, don't play innocent.

The document that this idiot lost,

you're the one who put that stupid idea in his head.

But Minister, I was only doing my job

by giving the key to the director whom you yourself appointed.

Now, if you think he's a...

Shut your mouth.

I won't allow it.

I'm the only one who can treat him...

Anyway.

Do you doubt my ability to appoint?

No, never, Minister.

-Your word is golden. -That's right.

You two

are going to find me that title deed,

or else it's out the door.

For you.

Certainly, Minister.

We will place

all the agents on alert...

No, no, no...

Do you think I can't see through your act?

Huh?

You want to alert the agency so I can look like a fool, right?

You alert the agency, and then what?

Organize a press conference?

That would be a good idea, Minister.

That way, we could use it to...

-Were you being sarcastic? -Of course I was.

If a single person outside this office

finds out about this, I'm going to crush you.

Sir, the new...

Sorry, I didn't realize you're in a meeting.

Who is she?

Maria, my assistant.

Does she know about this?

Who else?

No one else, Minister.

Alright.

Get me that document.

How are we going to do it if we can't talk to the agents?

Recruit new agents. Fresh blood.

Guys who want to prove themselves.

And especially, those who have no one to snitch to.

OK, Minister.

We were actually reviewing

the files of prospective agents.

Good.

So, this is the stack of the top picks.

APPROVED

OK.

-What about that stack? -Rejected files.

You're capable of showing me the wrong stack

just to make a fool of me.

But it says "rejected," Minister.

I can read.

Give it to me.

Give it to me.

Minister,

are you using "eeny, meeny, miny, moe" to select agents?

No, I'm not using "eeny, meeny, miny, moe."

Here you go.

So, can we get anything out of them?

Sir, these guys are Nobel Prize winners in stupidity.

What experience do they have?

That one is a building superintendent.

His greatest dream is to wear a uniform,

but he has failed the police entrance exam five times

and the military police one six times.

Even the Scouts don't want him.

-Even the Scouts? -Yes.

What about the other one?

The other one is Martin Onkel.

He's also failed the law enforcement entrance exams several times.

And, sir, it's better if he doesn't speak.

I don't understand.

Mr. Martin Onkel, please stand up and come forward.

Thank you for letting me interview.

If I get picked, I'll be picked...

I'll be someone who does their job well.

I'll do the boss's job,

his mother's, his grandmother's,

his paternal uncle's, who he dislikes.

When I go somewhere, I do things properly.

When someone says they'll do something

and they don't, it's not OK.

Don't look for me from noon to 2 p.m., look for me

at 1:30 p.m. because I'm...

Wonderful.

Wonderful.

Wonderful!

What do you think?

-Sir... -Yes.

Skilled detectives.

The minister does have a good eye.

Well, gentlemen,

your country needs you.

You've been briefed by the deputy director.

Find us this bag

and the document inside it.

Director.

Yes, Mr. Tagni.

Hey, it's not Tagni, it's Tagne.

Tagni is a dad in the neighborhood.

It's not your name.

How did the documents disappear?

Well...

The director was in his car and they were stolen from him.

I bet it was on Kennedy Avenue?

Say no more.

I'm sure that's where it is.

Those guys are hard-core.

We were in a cab the other day

and a guy came up and slammed into it.

-Bang! -Bang?

Yeah.

We all turned to look at him.

And when we did, his brother stole everything from us.

I'm sure it's over there.

How can you be sure about my theory?

Get out of here.

"I'm sure it's over there."

Yeah.

You stay here. I'm going straight there.

I'm going to look for clues.

So, as I was saying...

Wait.

Did he just leave to go prove my theory?

I'll... I'll be right back.

I'll go and keep an eye on things.

To ensure that things don't go wrong.

OK.

Do you think they'll make changes?

I don't know, we'll see.

Want to have some fun?

Come with me.

See you later.

Do you think it's wise to give two inexperienced agents

such an important case?

How is this my issue?

Wasn't it the minister who appointed them?

The minister says "go," I go.

Don't forget

that it's partly your fault that the documents were lost.

Is that so?

The minister started it

by appointing his incompetent son-in-law, didn't he?

And then there's you, with your gossip.

Well...

We're all involved.

We'll let the two idiots fail miserably.

And then I'll come in and fix it.

That way, the minister will have no choice

but to appoint me as boss.

Actually, I heard...

Come on.

You're not being paid to slack off.

Technically, they haven't been paid yet,

they're on probation.

You're not on probation to slack off.

Enjoy your meal.

You're not ordering anything?

You can't sit unless you order something.

If you want to stay, you order.

We are government agents on a mission.

-So? -So, we'll arrest you for...

-We'll arrest you for obstruction... -I don't care.

If you're not ordering, leave.

Please bring us four small juices.

Boss, I drink beer.

And since I'm Tagne, it's two beers.

Yes.

The boss said four small juices.

I didn't order this.

I told you, you can't sit here if you're not ordering.

Aren't you going to eat?

So, you're saying my food isn't good?

Do you want to drive away my customers?

We're not hungry.

You mean my food

ruined your appetite?

That's not what he meant.

What did he mean?

Actually, we already had lunch.

Yes, that's right.

OK, we'll eat.

That's better.

Boss,

the mission.

Thief! Thief!

-They stole my bag! -Let's go.

Who's paying?

There he is!

I'll keep the change because you disrespected my food.

What do you want?

We're dead.

Come back here.

Are you cops?

Who? Us, cops?

No way. I could never be a cop, even if they paid me.

So, what do you want?

We're looking for... What are we looking for?

We're looking for someone to sell stuff to.

What stuff?

What stuff?

Stuff we stole.

-Like what? -What?

Documents.

What documents?

Maps, books, basically, intellectual stuff.

Don't waste our time.

Here, we like real stuff.

Get out of here before we tear you to pieces.

They can go see the twins.

The twins?

Yes, a guy and his sister who buy weird stuff.

Thanks. I told you we'd find clues.

Do you know where they live?

Big guy, information isn't free.

Pay up, I don't want to die here.

They are in Nkoldongo, behind the second stage.

They took my money.

Nkoldongo, behind the second stage.

They got played like the fools they are.

We could have stepped in. They're colleagues.

It's obvious that you really know nothing about geopolitics.

They have no chance of succeeding.

I would even say they are programmed to fail.

And we're not going to help them,

because their failure benefits us.

Listen, we're going to let the situation get worse for Gugus.

Then we'll find the document. And then, bam!

I'll be the hero.

I'll be appointed boss instead of the boss.

Sir, it's "Caliph instead of Caliph."

Shut up!

They're not that incompetent after all.

They found the twins' house.

How did they do it?

Police!

Actually, sir, we're not the police.

What do we shout when we enter a criminal's house?

Technically, we don't enter people's houses.

But we can say "government agents."

That's too long. Police!

What are those two doing tied up?

Who are you?

-You are under arrest. -For what?

Stealing a briefcase from the secret agency's director.

Which secret agency?

The secret, secret, secret agency.

You stole the briefcase, that's a fact.

You have no proof.

The briefcase is on the shelf.

Emmanuelle, you didn't get rid of the briefcase?

Lord, why did you give me such a family?

-Emmanuelle, you're an idiot. -Don't insult me, Emma.

So, you're Emma. And she's Emmanuelle?

There is no link between our sizes and our names.

Where is the document?

What is it?

Huh?

It was stolen.

This country is in shambles.

Thieves stealing from thieves.

This is a co... conundru...

This is serious.

What?

How? By whom?

-Our cousin from the village. -What?

We brought her from the village, cleaned her up, dressed her,

and gave her a real job.

She was our maid.

And this is how she thanks us.

Seriously?

Village people are all ingrates.

We have to stop the rural exodus, it's...

Did she say what she planned to do with the documents?

She wants to sell the country and share the money.

What?

Sell whose country?

And share the money with whom?

Can we have a look in her room?

I'd rather stay in the village than sleep on this.

What is this?

She circled today's date.

Cleaners' meeting.

Where is it?

Perfect.

Let's go.

I miss my former boss.

The new one is very mean.

Can you imagine,

I cook food and can't even take some home.

She says I get a salary.

People are really mean.

Even TV shows.

She won't let me watch my TV shows on her couch.

OK, sister Maggie.

Thank you so much for sharing.

I'm not done yet, I still have things to say.

Yes, but we have to give others time.

Let's thank sister Maggie.

Thank you, Maggie!

Now we'll hear from sister Gertrude,

who has a plan for us.

Cleaners!

Yeah!

Cleaners!

Yeah!

If we clean...?

The country is clean!

-And if we don't? -Trash everywhere!

Brothers and sisters in servitude,

I tell you, truly, our time has come.

We'll lay our cards on the table.

What did she say?

She says we have to play cards.

It's our turn to win and the others' turn to lose.

I see the meeting has taken a weird turn.

Let her explain first.

We're going to sell the country

and share the money with everyone.

Yeah!

Yeah!

Hang on.

Calm down.

We need to think carefully before we get started.

I have in my possession...

Thief!

You thief, have you no shame?

You're thieves too.

Except you only think about yourselves.

I want to share with everyone.

Silence! Shut your mouth.

Arrest her.

Why me?

Are you forgetting that I think and you act?

Why?

Do you really think you can attack her in front of us?

Government agents!

It really is long.

-Police, nobody move! -Yes, nobody move.

How do we command respect without weapons?

You talk too much. Get her.

I don't fight with women.

-We're going to wash you. -Wh... what?

-We're going to clean you up. -Please,

we are government agents.

Exactly.

-Cleaners! -Yeah!

-Cleaners! -Yeah!

Clean.

So, someone else stole from the people who stole from me?

Yes, sir.

And the thief of my thieves wants to sell the country?

And share the money with everyone.

We'll get our share.

Someone just posted an online poll

about selling the country.

Our fellow citizens are patriots,

no one will pay attention to that.

-Sir? -Yes.

Sixty percent of the people think we should sell the country.

Don't even try to read the comments, they're so mean.

What are we going to do now?

Director, we will use

all of this agency's resources to fight the enemy.

What do I have, Papa?

What do we have here?

We'd better call the real police.

Because if they're relying on us,

that's really worrying.

Sir?

I think she's right, we need to call for back-up.

If back-up comes,

they'll have no trouble proving

that we're responsible for everything that's happening.

We have no choice,

we'll have to make do with what we have.

Don't you have any honor?

We are guardians of this country's heritage.

We guard and protect the national coat of arms.

Which agency is responsible

for protecting the stolen document?

Ours.

Whose responsibility is it to find it?

Ours.

Who has to find this document?

-Us. -Who?

-Us! -That's right.

-We have to find that document. -Yes!

We must save this country's honor.

Yes!

-Even if it means dying. -Yes! What?

What do you mean, dying?

We haven't even gotten our first paycheck, now we're dying?

How are we dying?

Someone has put the land title up for sale on the darknet.

We should sign up and find out where the sale will take place.

You really have nothing at all?

Nothing.

Absolutely nothing?

Shall I say it in Bassa?

There's nothing at all.

You could at least try something.

OK, hold on.

I have some things, but they're not quite ready yet.

-What? Detergent? -Not just any detergent.

Super-foaming detergent.

When it comes into contact with a liquid,

this amount can foam up an entire stadium.

We've had enough cleaning products for one day.

The glasses are blurry.

They're not meant to see in daylight.

Imagine you're in the middle of an operation,

and people are going about their day as usual.

I can see you.

I see you as if it were in broad daylight.

I can see you.

Let's each take a pair, it might help.

OK.

These are great.

We'll be glorious.

Since you love food...

No, it's not for eating.

-What is it for? -It's an experimental weapon.

It's not very stable yet.

-We have to go. -We need a car.

Let's go.

-A cab? -Incognito.

What's special about this car?

Low fuel consumption. Get in.

Sir,

can we make some space up front?

For the fuel top-up.

We're on a mission, Ms. Bona.

I had forgotten.

Where are we going?

To the Ubuntu Cultural Center.

OK.

UBUNTU CULTURAL CENTER

We can't go in looking this messy.

Boss,

we need outfits.

Let's go.

OK, let's work on our covers.

I'm a businessman.

Maria is my wife.

You two are...

What? What?

Boss, don't get angry,

but you two don't look like a couple.

Why not?

I am a stylish man.

You look more like her sugar daddy.

Even as a sugar daddy, it doesn't work.

Look at her... she's so beautiful.

He doesn't know how to dress.

The sale will start at midnight sharp.

The party is a cover.

Everyone here is a potential buyer.

Let's go.

What's going on?

We're packing up, it's 10 p.m. The contract said 8 p.m.

Why are you packing up the food?

What are you doing? You'll get us caught.

Catering in this country...

Where are you taking the food?

The party isn't over yet.

I haven't been served.

Hey! We're not here for the party.

We're on a mission.

Yeah, right, we forgot.

Wait, sorry.

You know,

I'm doing this for the people.

You want to sell the country for the people?

Yes, no.

-Yes or no? -Yes.

Tell me,

what do you still like about this country?

Huh? Tell me.

Everyone wants to leave this country.

Noise pollution, commotion, tribalism,

-incivility... -Malaria,

nudism, cycling...

-We shouldn't... -But I thought that...

-May I continue? -Go ahead, ma'am.

The smells.

People piss everywhere and it stinks of urine.

Garbage cans are overflowing across the country.

Why not sell a country that smells bad?

I can understand why you're upset about the trash cans.

It's too much.

But pissing outside...

It's because you don't know, but it's nice.

And it saves water.

You can't understand, ma'am. Ask your guys.

Huh?

Fortunately, there are people who understand me.

Like my new partner.

For the first time in this country,

we will all be equal.

When we sell the country, everyone will get an equal share,

even you three.

Have you thought about the people of this country?

Where will they go when you sell it?

Now what do we do?

And we haven't even eaten anything.

All the food in the hall,

and we're wasting our time here.

You're always talking about food.

We don't even know if we're going to die here.

The only thing worse than dying is dying of hunger.

Shut up.

If only I could take the bag of peanuts out of my pocket.

Yes, that's right,

you have some peanuts in your pocket.

Thank you, brother. Praise God.

Thief! Give me back my peanuts.

Thief! He took my peanuts.

I have to go to the bathroom.

Stay here and watch them.

No, wait. I'll go first.

-No, stay and watch them. -No, me.

Well played with the peanuts.

How did you know it would do that to them?

I really did want to eat my peanuts.

What are we going to do?

I'm still hungry.

-Put your leg like this. -Wait, wait.

Ouch, I'm stuck. Wait, she'll do it.

She'll do it.

Hurry up.

My turn now.

Where are they?

Aren't you happy I've come to rescue you?

No, of course we're happy.

Why doesn't that surprise me?

As usual.

Wear your glasses.

I can't see anything.

The lights are finally back.

I don't fight with women.

Bravo!

The deputy director is strong.

I'm an agent,

a real one,

unlike the incompetents who are appointed to my position.

Gus?

Mr. Gustave, what are you doing here?

Mr. Deputy Director,

I have come to complete the mission with you.

Complete the mission?

I felt bad

about leaving you to deal with a problem that I created.

I have come to fight alongside you.

OK, let's go.

Wait.

When we get there, do we say "government agents" or "police"?

-Government agents. -Police.

-So now we're saying "police"? -It's true, the other one is long.

What happened?

I got ripped off.

They stole from the girl who stole from the people who stole from me.

Apparently.

Black magic.

We really didn't think it through.

What will happen to the population?

They'll do what everyone with money does,

leave the country or move to Canada.

Yes, but the mothers and fathers in the village

won't leave the village to settle elsewhere.

I hope you won't change your mind.

The buyers are already here.

I think we should give it some more thought.

Perhaps we should find out what they'll do with the country

before selling it.

Really?

You're overthinking it.

As soon as I get my share

I'm leaving this country. They can turn it into a giant pigsty.

This is not a joke.

You know what's better than getting a share of the money?

-No. -Getting all of it.

This was my plan.

Yes, but I organized the sale.

I invested my time and money.

And now, because you've developed a touch of patriotism,

you want to throw everything away.

It's always how it goes.

You discover an artist, create their Facebook page,

as soon as they have a few views and millions of followers,

that's when their family remembers

that they know someone on the Internet.

What are you talking about?

A personal frustration.

Do you know how many artists I've managed in this country?

Huh?

What am I? The fool?

Am I the fool?

I'll have you know I'm not just some guy

who spends his days posting weird things on Facebook.

I am a community manager.

I'm not anyone's slave.

I am a talent agent.

Hand it over.

Go on.

Who is he?

A manager.

He contacted me so that I'd be ready for the sale,

so that I wouldn't get ripped off.

And he ended up ripping you off?

This country...

Where can we find him?

At the party.

All the guests bid using their phones.

As long as the music keeps playing,

it means there is no taker yet.

He's the only one wearing an overcoat.

We have to find him before the party ends.

Otherwise, the buyer could escape with the document.

The music must not stop.

Let's split up.

Find him.

I'll try to buy us some time.

This is the part in American movies

that always makes me cry.

Poor thing, my God.

You should feel sorry for them instead,

he's a terrible singer.

Let's go.

Ladies and gentlemen,

you were in the company of Kemit 7, a Ruben Binam collective.

Thank you, enjoy your evening.

Ladies and gentlemen, please, the evening

is not over yet.

He usually sings badly.

Jealous.

Look.

Let's go. We'll go around.

Stop in the name of the law.

-Hand over the document. -They're cops.

More fighting?

Beat them up like thugs.

They're cops, aren't they?

Beat them up like they're thugs.

Ah, OK.

Let me through, or someone will get really hurt.

What's he talking about?

What?

I said I don't fight with women.

One neutralized, what about the others?

Beat them up!

Nobody move!

I said... nobody move.

What's that?

It's detergent.

No.

It's a secret weapon.

Let us leave, or I'll rip this

and pour it all over you.

Wait, are we seriously

being threatened by someone holding detergent?

That's detergent.

Beat them up!

More water.

No.

Did you get robbed too?

Who?

Minister?

We've neutralized the threat.

We had just recovered the document.

Which document?

This one?

Take it back where it belongs.

Thanks, Daddy-in-law.

It's Minster.

You don't call someone that in public.

What's wrong with you?

Sorry, Dad... Pardon. Minister.

Gustave, you're useless.

I thought if I put you here, you'd change.

But here you are, carrying on with your nonsense.

You incompetent!

I don't know what my daughter...

Excuse me, Minister...

Joseph, we're in the middle of a discussion.

-This is all my fault. -What is?

I'm the one who put it in Gustave's head

that he could take the documents.

And I also leaked the information that he had them.

I was angry, Minister.

You appointed an incompetent person to my position.

I'm sorry, Gus.

-No problem. -No problem?

No problem?

Someone insults you and it's not a problem?

You're done.

And so is your junk agency.

You're going to close.

You'll never have a budget again.

Jo, there's someone here to see you.

Hello, Joseph.

Gustave?

Gustave,

I didn't get a chance to say how sorry I am.

It's all in the past.

I forgive you.

I finally get it,

you love the agency so much that you wanted to protect it.

Yes.

Except that my misguided actions led to the agency's closure.

-Unless... -Unless...?

Unless you fight to keep it open.

I have it on good authority...

Well, my wife, the minister's daughter,

told me that her father is organizing

a small private party tomorrow.

Among the guests are several of the country's leading figures,

including members of the agencies' Budget Committee.

But what could I possibly say to them?

What only you can tell them.

Joseph, you've worked for this agency all your life,

and if anyone can save it,

it's you.

However, there's one small issue.

What's that?

The Minister has expressly instructed his security

not to let you into the reception.

Why?

Let's just say that before bringing the idea to you,

I made the tiny mistake of mentioning it to him first.

He didn't like it.

Gustave?

Ready for one last mission?

I'm telling you, we saved the country.

The whole time I wasn't around, I was saving the country.

My friend, they said, "leave." I said, "I'm not leaving."

"Come." I said, "I'm not coming."

-They said, "stay"... -You said you weren't staying.

No, I said I'd stay.

I'm the epitome of pure professionalism.

We saved the country.

Not simple stuff...

We've reached the part of the film where the stakes change.

We managed to save the document.

Now we have to save the agency.

I need to speak to the members of the Budget Committee,

but it's impossible to do so at the Ministry.

Why us?

You have your real agents.

We were only there to fail.

Admittedly, you weren't he best suited for the job.

But... I spent a day with you,

and I saw that you had a lot of drive.

And professionalism?

We'll stop at drive for now.

Alright.

I'm the one who got you into this situation,

and... it's all my fault.

Please forgive me.

Maria,

I risked your career out of selfishness,

when you've always been loyal to me.

Gustave...

It's OK.

Get over here.

So, here's the plan.

Here, like this.

This is the house. And then, there, like that.

Like this.

This is the yard.

Here.

Oh my!

Wonderful.

What?

Boss...

it's best to explain as you speak.

-What's this? -What's wrong with the drawing?

OK, let's keep it simple.

There will be guards throughout the house.

All we have to do is neutralize them.

What?

Your plan is a bit...

A bit what?

If you have a better plan, I'm all ears.

Give me a minute.

Here's how it works.

I'm in charge of inviting the artists who will perform.

You're a dance group.

Huh?

Just to get through security.

Once inside, you can get changed

and talk to the committee members.

Never.

I would never wear that.

Can you see me wearing that?

Let's change quickly.

Hey, wait a minute.

Where are you going?

The show is this way.

You're the dancers, aren't you?

Yes.

As soon as the man finishes his performance, it's your turn.

He said we didn't have to dance.

-What did you say? -No...

OK. Come on, let's go.

Thank you, I'm King Arthur...

Go on.

-The dancers. -The dancers.

Excellent!

Ladies and gentlemen, Joseph Essola.

What?

What's all this?

Security, get these people out of here!

Minister, please.

The man has at least earned the right to say a word after his performance.

Thank you.

Thank you very much, ma'am.

I know that among you tonight

are members of the Budget Committee.

I apologize for my approach,

but it's the only way I could talk to you.

What do you want to say?

That you're incompetent?

A loser?

Your excellency,

this man is a hero.

I saw him fight to prevent the country from being sold.

You didn't tell him?

Tell me what, Jo?

Gus,

it's technically impossible to sell a country.

That's right.

The document you fought so hard to get is only symbolic,

like all the old junk in your old building,

which is only fit for demolition.

That's why I've asked the committee

to cut your budget for good.

You're wrong, Minister,

the Heritage Agency cannot

and must not be destroyed.

The treasures housed there

are the coats of arms of an entire people,

an entire nation, and the various flags there

have marked our country's milestones.

We're talking about our history.

If you shut down the agency,

you'll be depriving our children of a building

where they can touch

an essential part of their history and culture.

What kind of nation are we

if we can't protect our culture?

I wasn't done, Gus.

Bravo.

Bravo.

We really must protect our culture.

Isn't that right, Minister?

Yes, yes... indeed.

And this is in line with government directives.

A FEW MINISTERIAL DECREES LATER...

Excuse me, sir,

please don't touch the items.

Thank you very much.

The African way of life...

See?

Hi, guys.

Hello.

So, Agent Tagne and Agent Onkel, how are you?

We're fine, Director.

Period.

We're fine, Director, period.

Director, period.

It was a great idea to open up the agency to the public.

Yes, it was...

This heritage doesn't belong to us,

it belongs to the people,

and it's important that people can come and see it.

Does this mean we're no longer a secret agency?

Come with us.

Director...

Boss, there's no button?

New technology.

Tap.

It's not perfected yet.

Re-tap.

THE AGENTS WILL BE BACK...

IF THERE'S A BUDGET!

A-LITTLE-TOO-SECRET AGENTS

A FILM BY FRANK THIERRY LEA MALLE

Excuse me.

Can someone advance me my share of the money?

Sit down.

Subtitling: TransPerfect Media