Original subtitles

If you're wondering what the giant Manton Auto Works has to do with the Petty Girl,

the answer is plenty.

And I ought to know, I'm George Petty. I created her.

It all goes back to the time when B.J. Manton, that's the bald, granite-jawed

gentleman in the center, brought out his latest model, the small, stumpy, economy-

sized Manton midget.

Advertising being the next order of business, that's where I came in, direct from

the Corn Belt.

I was wearing my best suit. In fact, it was my worst suit, too.

I was a commercial sketch artist, and this was my big chance.

Since there was nothing about the Manton midget to make people turn and look twice,

the trick I felt was to inject something into the advertising that would.

Well, what better to make you turn and look twice than, um, see what I mean?

Of course you do. But granite-jawed Manton didn't.

Was I discouraged? Me, George Petty, discouraged?

Frankly, I was.

Mr. Manton saw absolutely nothing in my idea, and less in me.

Even my trump card, my tricky little catchphrase, Manton midget, the body beautiful,

left him cold, which, incidentally, was his natural temperature.

So I started to pack up, wondering if I could get a job as a stevedore, when

suddenly I smelled violets.

I looked up and saw fate.

Fate in mink.

Silver mink.

Fate in the lovely figure of old Granite Jaws' beautiful daughter, Connie.

She was so sorry to interrupt, but as you can see, she was utterly fascinated by my

drawings.

Not only that, rather surprised and, well, angry when I told her they were rejected.

Now, what did a board of directors know about art?

She apologized for them.

She kept apologizing at cocktails later that afternoon.

And even in my studio, when she came to see my work, she was greatly impressed.

But felt my painting was not quite important enough.

But felt my painting was not quite important enough.

for a man of my talents.

She was absolutely certain of it when I showed her some of the things I had done

when I was still in art school.

It was pleasant to be told you were a budding genius.

According to her, all I needed for this bud to burst into full flower was romance,

a love affair.

Oh, they were magical words.

In fact, a few more magical words, and there I was, a serious portrait painter.

Commissioned at Connie's recommendation, to paint, uh, old Granite Jaw himself,

flashing his prettiest smile.

Cousin Woody, who was born with a polo mallet in his mouth, uh, it was the horse's

day off.

And then there were the brats, or children.

Cousin Woody's, that is.

Thanks to Connie's, uh, sponsorship, I now had a magnificent penthouse studio and a

fancy butler named Beardsley, whom she had taken great pains in choosing.

Since he was a gentleman's gentleman, his first job was to...

make me a gentleman. So there I was, the perfectly turned out man about town. Oh,

now don't misunderstand. That was just a friendly goodbye peck. Connie was off to

Paris to join her husband. Oh, yes, she had a husband. In fact, she collected

husbands. And though she left promising great things for my career as a serious

painter, I found myself sort of doodling, a doodling in my best commercial style, a,

um, and that brings us to the other girl in our story. No, no, this is not the

girl. This is Amelia Braymore, her great- grandmother, founder of this peaceful

little college bearing her name. If Amelia had known what was going to happen,

she'd have fallen off her pedestal. Living here and daring to sing and feel free

only in the privacy of her own room was the reason it all happened.

Fancy free spring is here, but it can't catch me. I'm

The postman, the teller, the vials, many as I see.

Little glances on the stairs, mysterious sketch you delete.

Key and see

La la

Fancy free, fancy free.

Love is mysterious, get too delirious, why take it serious?

That is why I try.

Caswell's Mass Behavior, Chapter 12.

You will find that the most effective force for sociological advancement is

progressive education.

Professor Braymore?

Yes?

Wouldn't you say our own college is somewhat of a contradiction of Caswell's theory

of progressive education?

According to the National News Weekly, Braymore heads the list of institutions

considered old-fashioned and antiquated.

Braymore is prepared to answer that attack at the coming educational conference.

In fact, I've been chosen to do the...

answering. Victoria! Oh, Dr. Crutcher! Has President Webb spoken to you yet? No,

we're about to see him in his office at 3. It's about your trip to the educational

conference. I have an idea. Professor Whitman. Shh!

Good morning, Professor Whitman. Good morning.

I have an idea that Professor Whitman has put her two cents in.

I don't think two cents will be quite enough.

Now then. Victoria, dear.

Ever since that awful accident took your mother and father from among us, we've all

tried to look after you, act as, well, sort of your guardians. You've been more

like parents.

Precisely why we're so concerned about your going to New York without a chaperone.

Caroleing companion, since Professor Whitman came to us with the idea, we feel

she's the logical one to accompany you to New York.

Oh, well, it was very thoughtful of you, Professor Whitman, but, uh, no.

You'd all be concerned. I've already asked Dr. Crutcher to accompany me, and she

very kindly consented. Didn't you, Dr. Crutcher? Oh, yes. Yes, indeed. I sometimes

feel the board educated you well, but didn't pay quite enough attention to your

character. The important thing is to answer those charges of Braymore as old-

fashioned and antiquated, and to have a good time. Yes, but I'd stay away from

those vulgarities known as Broadway plays. Oh, the theater's all right. It's those

awful smoke-filled nightclubs. It's the drinking that makes him so awful. I'd say

it was the dancing, some of the shameful exhibitions people know. Please, please,

please, knowing Victoria's we do, I see no point in all this discussion. You'll

find lots of symphonies, lectures, and museums in New York. Just have a good time.

If we run into any boogeymen, I'll wire for help.

Thank you.

Did I seem nervous?

You spoke very well, my dear.

What do you suppose they think of Braymore now?

They think it's old-fashioned, antiquated, and completely behind the times.

But they seem to...

The conference is over. Let's forget it and do what they told us.

Have a good time.

Now, let's see. The first stop is the Museum of Art.

And if we feel really daring, we'll visit the morgue.

And so it was at the Museum of Art, where my new interest in serious painting had

brought me, that I first saw her.

She seemed like the cold fish type, but as she stopped before Rodin's famous statue,

the kiss, her expression was nothing like any fish I'd ever seen.

Could this be the thing that was going to make my genius burst into full flower?

I had to find out.

But it was only after old Ironsides excused herself.

the go for a drink of water that I gathered up the courage to stroll up to her.

Sort of takes your breath away, doesn't it? Really? I mean the way the cold marble

softens and seems to become...

If you don't mind, I make it a rule never to talk to strangers. Oh, well, that must

be very comforting to your mother. Dr. Crutcher is my friend and colleague. A

doctor? Yeah, I just happen to have a slight pain. Doctor of philosophy, a

professor. Oh, a school teacher. How did you guess? Well, it wasn't difficult. Now,

will you go away or shall I call the attendant? The attendant?

Well, that's not much of a choice. However, being allergic to rough handling, I...

Dr. Crutcher.

Dr. Crutcher, how are you?

Very well, thank you.

Well, well, well, this is indeed a great surprise and pleasure.

How are things at the old school?

Braymore.

Braymore, yes.

It hasn't changed a bit.

Still stuck in the mud.

Good old Braymore.

Well, I guess you didn't recognize me, did you?

Oh, I know how it is.

So many students coming and going.

True, true, but I think I do recognize you.

You do?

Class of '39, right?

Dr. Crutcher, you're amazing.

Not really.

It's a joy running into former students, you know.

Yes.

Especially when they're as nice as you are.

Thanks.

Are there any other Braymore alumni in town?

Just Victoria Braymore herself.

Surely you remember her.

Oh, naturally, yes.

She'll be very happy to see you.

Oh, Victoria, I'd like you to meet one of our alumni, Mr...

It's George Petty.

Of course.

Victoria is the youngest faculty member now.

The youngest and the prettiest.

Now, now, Dr. Crutcher, no need for modesty.

What do you do now, Mr. Petty?

Besides hanging around museums...

Well, I'm a painter.

An artist, you know.

Oh, how marvelous.

Have you any pictures here?

Well, not yet.

However, if you'd like to see some of my work...

We'd love to see some of your work.

You and Dr. Crutcher run along.

I'm sure you have lots of old times to talk.

Oh, we can save the reminiscing for later.

No, no, please.

Go right ahead.

But we insist you join us, don't we?

There, you see, it's all settled.

It's only natural, I suppose, that I should take pride in the accomplishments of my

former students, especially my more favored ones.

And you were one of my more favored ones, Mr. Petty.

I remember that distinctly.

And I seem to remember you're taking several of my courses.

Oh, yes, yes, indeed.

Which courses were they, Mr. Petty?

Yeah, well, I took all of them.

Well, surely you majored in one.

Well, I'm afraid I majored in football.

A one-man team, no doubt.

Well, I wouldn't say that.

You must have been.

Braymore has no other football team.

Football?

Did I say football?

Well, naturally, I meant hockey.

It's funny how I always get the two confused.

Very funny, especially since Braymore has no hockey either.

Don't you remember our ban on athletics?

Oh, of course.

But you'd be surprised at the underground activities.

You just wouldn't believe the things we used to do.

You're so right, Mr. Petty.

So right.

You'll have to excuse the mess.

It's my man's day off.

I think this is my best.

Oh, it's quite interesting.

You don't seem very impressed.

I imagine it's a good photographic likeness.

Don't you like good photographic likenesses?

I think art should express the artist.

Couldn't this have been done with a camera?

If I thought so, Miss Braymore, I would have used a camera.

These are some others over here.

I did these between portraits in case I ever give a one-man show.

Let's take off.

Let's go.

Let's go. I don't know.

Very interesting indeed. Now this has some spirit in life. I'm afraid, Miss

Braymore, you will never be an art treaty. That's just some stuff I used to play

around with in the old days. Those days are definitely over. Oh, but it's charming!

It is style and humor. It's completely inconsequential, of course, but it's more

suited to your personality, Victoria. I think we'd better be getting back to the

hotel. I'll take you. Oh, that won't be necessary. Since my art doesn't please you,

perhaps my chivalry will. Come on, how about forgetting art and having dinner? Well,

you'll have to ask Dr. Crutcher. Our chaperone's a little out of pay. The doctor

and I are together for the entire trip. We'll have fun.

He made rather abruptly.

He'll call.

I think he will.

Victoria, I must confess something.

You know, I don't think that young man ever went to Braymore.

Oh, you've known that for hours.

Yes, but he was so charming.

Charming?

And such a liar.

Oh, he meant well.

Nevertheless, Dr. Crutcher, we have been picked up.

Hello?

Hello, this is George Petty.

I know.

Oh, you expected this, huh?

Yes.

Well, I want to enroll in Braymore again.

That is, if you change your mind about dinner.

Look, can't you get rid of that nursemaid of yours for one evening?

Why can't you bring a friend?

A friend?

Well, all right, I'll bring a friend.

We'll be ready at seven.

Goodbye.

That was Mr. Petty.

We're going to dinner.

With him and a friend.

Oh.

Now wasn't that thoughtful of him, inviting a friend for you?

A friend?

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I remember you're an old friend of the family.

Yes, sir.

Better make it my uncle.

Yes, sir.

And just as soon as dinner's over, you insist that Dr. Crutcher accompany you to

the lecture.

Very good, sir.

Got the tickets?

Uh, yes, sir.

Don't you think you ought to stop calling me sir?

Uh, yes, uh, no, sir. That is, uh, very well.

Just call me George.

Thank you, sir.

Now, remember, here they are.

Miss Braymore, Dr. Crutcher, my Uncle Ben.

Your uncle, of course.

The resemblance is unmistakable.

Yes, uh, another 30 years we'll be taken for twins.

Pretty amusing, sir.

Oh, yeah.

Uncle is a gentleman of the old school who calls everybody sir.

Shall we be off?

We're completely in your hands.

Uncle Ben.

What is it?

Frankly, I had some qualms about going out to dinner with you.

But now that we've met your uncle, well, such refinement is very reassuring.

Family trade. A cigarette.

No, thank you.

Victoria doesn't want to offend Professor Emery.

He considers tobacco the root of all evil.

Oh, is that what he teaches?

That's what he taught Victoria.

Regards himself, you know, as one of her parents.

Oh.

Oh, no, the board expects me to set Victoria a good example.

Champagne, mademoiselle?

Thank you, no.

Professor Horton's influence.

Oh, another parent?

Another parent.

Victoria has an even dozen.

An even dozen?

You see, the faculty board has sort of adopted Victoria.

Oh, I see.

Madame.

mademoiselle

monsieur

a drop since I can't drink with you lovely ladies, permit me to drink to you.

Charming. I think I'd like another drop. You won't tell Professor Horton, will you?

This will be more convenient.

Then there's one about the explorer who was watching the tribal dance.

His guide turned towards him and said, Among those savages, a wife can be bought

for $2.

And the explorer replied, Well, a good wife's worth $2.

They're having such a good time, and all so unexpected.

Yes, it's a bit of a surprise to me, too.

Oh, imagine, 8 o'clock.

8 o'clock? Time for another drink?

Pardon.

Yes, the death, too.

Uncle Ben, didn't you have some plans for this evening?

Plans? Plans are made to be altered.

An old saying I just made up.

Yes, but Uncle Ben, I believe you said it was important.

A lecture or something.

Oh, yes, yes, I wasn't.

to forget that, was I?

The rebirth of medievalism sounds awful on a full stomach. Show dance.

Dancing?

That's Professor Abernathy's pet phobia.

Oh, I quite agree with it, Professor, about certain kinds of dance.

But I'm sure they don't apply to Uncle Ben.

I'd love to dance.

George, aren't you going to ask Dr. Plutcher to dance?

Well, I... Well, I'm afraid I'm not very well up in these modern dance steps, but

I'm willing to try.

Don't you think it'd be more fun on the dance floor?

Oh, I guess.

Oh, sorry.

My, your uncle's an excellent dancer.

You'd make a fine team.

Whoa, wait a minute.

Oh, sorry.

You should get your uncle to give you some lessons.

I'm learning a lesson tonight.

I'll never forget.

So sorry.

Sorry.

I can't take it.

Must be that glass of wine you had.

Seems I can't hold it as well as my uncle.

Well, perhaps a little fresh air would help.

That's a very good idea.

Four or five hours, I've got to be as good as new.

You stay right here.

Uncle Ben will see you home, if he can still see.

Send me the bill, Paul.

Yes, sir.

Oh, excuse me, Uncle Ben. I'd better get your nephew.

Mr. Petty, leaving so soon?

I cannot compete with Uncle Ben.

I'm sorry, but you did take too much for granted.

Well, after this clam bake, I'm taking myself to a place that would give you and

those 12 parents of yours the horrors.

The air is smoke-filled. They have very intoxicating beverages, bebop music, and

something you've probably never seen at Braymore.

What's that?

Live people.

We've heard of such things. I'd like to see them.

I'd let you if I thought you could be separated from your colleague by anything

less than a major operation.

An invitation might do it.

I'll get you things.

The brush and easel is dedicated not only to amusement, but also to art.

The type of art you admire.

Miss McKenzie is the model for the nightly $50 sketch contest.

Model? In just that little fur?

No, no. She'll probably wear a hat, too.

Doesn't anyone object?

Well, just the police.

Oh, this place has been raided by the police many times.

But what's a little raid among artists?

Wish to withdraw?

I'm a teacher, Mr. Petty. Not a reformer.

Ah, Mr. Petty. It's none of my business.

What's the... This way, please.

Souvenir doll?

No, thank you.

Oh, she'd love one of those.

I stopped playing with dolls a little over a year ago.

Dolls like this?

Well.

Yes, I want you to have something to remember this evening.

All right. A little.

Something to drink?

The lady will probably have iced tea.

I'll have a scotch and soda.

I'll have double scotch, straight.

My mistake, sorry.

I like it.

Later, I'll have another scotch.

That is not a waiter, and that's your third scotch.

Haven't you had enough?

Have you?

I think so.

Then I'll just finish.

And now a bit of Calypso featuring a girl who shakes her hips, oh, Carmelita Moray.

All in and all in Trinita, sing Calypso, it's the local part, but it's something I

learned to do, so I learned it now to you.

I teach you my Calypso song, direction, short and sweet, how can you go wrong when

you add a word or two that you make up as you go along?

Take a word from the nearest school, daily paper is the place to look, he can

either man make a prize, you can do it anytime.

I didn't know I could sing, did you?

Nobody knows.

Direction.

Big secret.

Just keep it a secret.

Very well.

Miss Duke, make up as you go along.

Is handy for reporting news event or expressing sentimental sentiment or

instructing audience to sing Calypso's song.

I teach you my Calypso's song.

You make things up as you go.

Pick a word that comes to mind.

Any adjective or noun will do.

And tell it the time before you come.

I'll make it rhyme for you.

How about a word from someone, please?

How about a word from you?

Scotch.

Oh, Scotch.

The crazy thing is a double Scotch.

You see double everything you watch.

Since you've had twice as much to drink, it gets...

Pretty drunk, I think.

I teach you my collection, short, long, sweet – how can you go wrong?

Get a pretty girl to sing to as you go.

Will you give me a word?

Coconut.

Coconut.

Coconut is a funny fruit.

Hair is fuzzy like a union suit.

When you shake it down off the bar, you can milk it like a cow.

I, I teach you my collection, short, long, sweet, how can you go wrong?

She's wonderful.

Make up as you go along.

For appetizing what you manufactured, or harmonizing when you good and fractured,

McCartney I recommend, I leave so soft, leave so soft, so soft.

Let's dance.

I must have lost my souvenir.

I bet you'd like to have been up on that stage in Carmelita's place, wouldn't you?

Oh, ridiculous.

Right now, I'm doing all I want to do.

Why are you laughing?

Just never thought I could enjoy dancing with a professor.

What's wrong with professors?

They're musty and out of shape.

Am I musty and out of shape?

No, but you will be if you let yourself remain buried in a tomb like Braymore.

With an army of parents hovering over you like a lot of watchdogs.

But I belong in Braymore.

You belong right here in New York, where you can be seen and admired.

Tell me more.

Well, I could tell you a lot more.

It's so noisy and crowded in here.

Why don't we go somewhere nice and quiet?

Quiet?

Where we could be alone.

Alone?

My apartment?

We could sit and talk and have...

Your apartment?

Mr. Penny, your apartment!

But I...

That's what you've been getting at all evening, isn't it?

No, no, no, I was only trying...

I know what you were trying.

But wait a minute.

You stop this and try to be reasonable.

You actually thought, didn't you, that all it would take would be a little flattery

and a few drinks.

Let me help you.

No, thank you.

No!

Yes, it's time to see her here.

Now, look what you've done.

What I've done.

I suppose there's a maid even in a place like this.

Yes, here's a quart.

Oh!

I wonder if you could help with my dress.

Mm-hmm.

There's always someone clumsy in the crowd.

It'll shrink if it dries on you.

I'd better press it dry.

Oh, could you?

You should see what I sometimes have to fix.

And now, friends, get your sketch pads ready, here's model of the week, Patty

McKenzie.

Mission, move. Move.

Your head is made of glass, my friend.

Must be out of shape.

What's that?

Oh, nothing.

I was just talking to myself.

Man's really got you worried, hasn't he?

Man?

What man?

Only one thing will make a woman talk to herself.

A man.

Uh-oh, here we go again.

Thanks, honey.

Okay, Miss McKenzie.

Come on.

I'm talking to you, miss.

Me?

That's right.

You can ride in the front seat with me.

I'll keep my hat on, too.

Oh, you think I'm the model?

The light dawns.

Come on.

You're making a ridiculous mistake.

I'm merely a guest here.

Now, since when did guests run around without any dresses on?

Oh, well, now, that was the strangest thing.

I was standing right there putting on my dress, and suddenly it just disappeared.

Disappeared?

Right through that window.

Right through that window.

Yes.

Well, you can tell that to the judge, Miss McKenzie.

He enjoys a good joke, too.

Come on.

After you, man.

Sit down.

Stop.

Officer, now wait a minute.

What do you think you're doing?

Taking Miss McKenzie to the way.

She's not Miss McKenzie.

Well, who is she then?

Well, she's...

She...

Oh, yeah, she just happens to be afraid.

That's what I thought.

Come on, Miss McKenzie.

Hey, Sergeant.

Miss Monkey's interfering with the law.

Monkey?

Okay, bud, you get a free ride.

Wait a minute, you've got the wrong monkey.

All right, here.

Well, good morning, Miss.

Good morning, my key, please.

Dr. Crutch has taken it up.

Oh, haven't you a duplicate?

I don't want to wake her.

I don't think you will.

She just got in herself.

What?

Anything wrong?

Just time.

Oh, if a Mr. Petty calls, tell him I've checked out.

I understand perfect.

Let's hear also tell.

Miss Braymore's checked out.

Checked out?

But that's impossible.

She was only released.

I mean, she couldn't have.

Well, didn't she leave any message?

I just gave you the message.

She said to tell you she just checked out.

Uncle Ben, or Beardsley, what's happened to that coffee?

Oh, yeah.

I've been up all night worrying about you.

So the desk clerk told me.

Well, I can explain.

Now, you sort of...

Let's not bother each other with explanations.

Let's just get back to Braymore as fast as we can.

Oh, my head, it feels the size of a melon.

You're lucky. I can't feel mine at all.

He told me champagne was no different than ginger ale.

Must be something I ate.

I still don't understand why you cut your trip so short, Victoria.

Was it that museums aren't very interesting with a chaperone?

Victoria and I both found it a bit dull.

In that case, I'm glad you excluded me.

Oh, please.

We mustn't deny the professor the pleasure of being unpleasant.

All right, you.

You can start clearing the dishes.

This is Andrew Tepps, our new handyman.

Excuse me.

Aye, aye, I teach you my Calypso song.

How dare you follow me?

Young man, no singing and no dawdling.

You have to work fast around here.

Oh, don't you worry, Mrs. Hitch.

Some people think I work a little too fast.

We'll see.

If you don't leave instantly, I'll expose you and then you'll...

Tell everyone all about the incident of the brush and easel.

Good idea.

If they don't believe you, I can always supply a few newspaper clippings to clarify

the situation.

I think I'll go to my room.

Thank you, Dr. Crutcher. You're being very cooperative.

Just what is it you're after?

Well, one, satisfy my curiosity why a girl like you should be willing to hide away

in this catacomb.

And two, convince you that you got the wrong impression of me at the brush and

easel.

We were discussing art. Andrew is a student in his spare time.

I forgot my purse.

Yes. I mean, yes, sir.

A great little invention, the brush and easel.

Or brush and easel.

I couldn't let you just walk right out of my life.

I ran.

Now, really, I...

And that's how I came to study art.

I got the wrong one.

Brush and easel.

Now, what do you suppose she meant by that?

We'll discuss it tonight.

I'll pick you up in my brand-new rent-a- car promptly at night.

You'll pick yourself up in...

I'll toot three times.

You can toot 3,000 times and see if I care.

You may want to frame this one, or shall I clip it to the bulletin board in the

hall?

You!

Well, where's the bottleneck?

Bottleneck?

Now, let's see, I...

Andrew!

Get those dishes in the kitchen!

Yes, ma'am.

Gotta keep things running smooth.

Smoothly.

Nine o'clock.

We'd better finish this tomorrow.

All right.

Good night, everyone.

Good night.

Good night, everybody.

Good night.

I think I'll go up to see you all for breakfast.

Good night, everybody.

Good night.

I think I'll go up for a breath of fresh air.

I could use a bit myself.

Mind if I join you?

Oh, well, on second thought, perhaps bed would be a little wiser.

I think it would be wiser, my dear.

Well, good night.

Good night, Victoria.

Just where are we going?

The fellow that rented me this car mentioned a place called Inspiration Point.

Inspiration Point?

Yeah, it sounded very inspiring.

But the colleges ruled it out of bounds.

Well, that's what made it sound so inspiring.

And, uh, now, Professor, the object of our coming up here.

To prove to you that I'm not the wicked wolf you think I am.

Here in this idyllic setting, with all the romantic forces of man and nature

conspiring against me, I shall show you that I can conduct myself in strictest

accord with the rigid Braymore code for gentlemanly behavior.

In short, I shall sit here like a jerk and discuss Carnot's principle of reversible

cycles.

If you don't believe it, test me.

I left my chemistry set at home.

Oh, come on, get up close.

Put your arms around me.

Assault me with your charms.

Kiss me.

What's the matter, afraid of me or yourself?

Myself.

It would be embarrassing to have the smoldering fire buried beneath that, uh, cool

exterior burst into full flame, wouldn't it?

Or is it that you just don't know how to kiss?

Very discerning of you.

Oh, I suppose you have been kissed.

By a great Uncle Willie on your 16th birthday.

Or maybe some nasty little boy on a Sunday.

Or maybe some nasty little boy on a Sunday.

school picnic years ago. If it happened right now, you'd faint. Come to think of it,

I'd faint. Very well, Mr. Petty. Get the smelling salts ready. Hope I'm not

intruding. Uh, hello, officer. Afraid you got the wrong impression. We were just

conducting a scientific experiment.

Yes. Fourteen years I've been patrolling this highway. I've heard it called

everything but that. What's your name? Oh, just call me George. Not yours. Yours.

Victoria? Victoria what?

Victoria Bramore.

Victoria Bramore?

Please, officer, it was all very innocent, really.

And it could be terribly embarrassing.

Yes.

Well, this is disorderly conduct.

Yeah, I was merely trying to show her that I could behave just like the rest of the

men around here.

Oh, an out-of-towner, huh?

Well, yes.

And you think we're all a pack of wolves around here, huh?

Oh, no, quite the contrary.

I think you're a lot of cold fish.

I mean, I...

Let me see your driver's license.

Driver's license?

You know, you've heard of those things, haven't you?

Yes, I have.

Driver's license.

See, I had it right here.

That's not it.

I had it right here somewhere.

It's funny, I must have...

What's that?

Oh, that's nothing.

I...

Patty McKenzie.

She... she's a cousin of mine.

We look exactly alike.

Sure, your cousin.

He thinks I'm a wolf and you think I'm a jackass.

Victoria Braemore.

Thought maybe you'd scare me with that name, huh?

Look, officer, can't we start from the beginning again?

Yeah.

We're gonna start from the beginning again.

Fine.

You see, I...

At the police station.

Oh.

I trust there's no need of my telling you this is a sad and tragic morning for

Braemore, Victoria.

All the conduct such as this invariably calls for immediate dismissal.

Do you have anything to say in your defense?

Please speak up.

I know exactly what you're going to say.

You're going to say it was all an innocent mistake.

Conduct of this kind is always a mistake.

It is seldom innocent.

I must warn you that any recurrence of this scandalous behavior can mean nothing

but immediate severance of your connection with the college.

Under the circumstances, I suggest you don't attend your classes today.

That will be all.

I trust you haven't found us unduly clear.

There's nothing like talking things out.

Oh, Professor!

Go away!

I should think you'd be banned from campus after last night.

Why should they ban a busboy named Andy Tepp simply because a fellow called Petty

gets himself arrested with a pretty professor?

Well, Evolving, turn down the shore road quickly.

Precisely where I was heading.

After your harrowing experience last night, I decided you needed some relaxation.

I've arranged a picnic on Echo Island.

Echo Island?

Yeah.

Well, that's worse than Inspiration Point.

Is it? Oh, that's fine.

I made some wonderful plans.

Go right into the sailboat, pick some lunch.

Oh, yes, and I bought this for you.

There's Echo Island, way over there.

Oh, we'll make it in no time, the way I sail.

Better give her the motor till you're getting it clear.

Aye, aye, sir.

Hey, where are you?

Oh, brisky little thing, isn't it?

Get the control, quick!

Not much on motors, but you're in for a nautical treat when we get under sail.

I can freeze the port.

That happens to be starboard.

Yeah, well, I'm left-handed.

Oh, yes, yes, good navigation. We're right on course.

Just relax and enjoy yourself.

I should have worn my spiked shoes.

Clear the pulp deck.

You're going to see a display of the seamanship that pulled us through at Medway.

Well, off we go.

Something.

Water's a little choppy, but I must have lost my buddy.

You also...

Don't you think we'd better go back to Just Motors?

Not while I'm in Japan.

No!

It's a good thing I am in Japan.

Sure!

Beautiful, beautiful.

When does the picnic begin?

Well, as soon as you get out of those clothes and into that water for a cool,

refreshing dip.

You just get me right back on that boat.

Now, Victoria, you always take the wrong slant on everything.

I brought bathing suits.

In fact, I'd like to sketch you in a bathing suit.

If you think I'm going to pose for you in any bathing suit...

Yes, Miss McKenzie?

You have...

Thank you.

I love you, and that's the truth. I want you, and that's a fact. Why don't you? It

must be your charm that gets me cheaply.

Nope, I can't seem to get you. I mean the youth who orders double scotch. Now, tell

you what, just relax a little.

Good thing I didn't say a lot. Now smile.

Sing, maybe that'll do it. Alright, then I'll sing. Maybe that'll help.

I love you, indeed I do. I love you, and that's for true. I want you, and that's a

fact. Why don't you get in the act?

It must be your charm that gets me chiefly. Baby, I don't know, but briefly, I love

you. I surely do. Don't be a tease, ma'am. Please, ma'am, won't you say I love you,

too?

My voice is slightly porous. Maybe you should take a chorus. If you demand it, yes

sir, put me in the key, professor.

Uh-uh.

Not my key.

I love you.

Wrong harmony.

I think you're fresh.

I doubt it.

I think you're fresh.

You're cute and you're quaint to the quintessence.

I could use longer phrases, but in essence, I love you.

I surely do.

Don't be a tease, ma'am.

Please, ma'am.

Won't you say.

Can't you think of anything but food?

Not since the lunch basket went overboard.

Well, it's certainly not very feminine.

Well, I'm not the very feminine type.

Am I?

Well, am I?

Let's eat.

Now, let's see.

How do we work?

Oh, Ed, we just roll the hook in the water and wait until the fish come knocking at

our door.

You don't think you'd be spoiling them if you used a little bait?

Bait?

You know, worms.

Oh, you don't happen to have any handy, do you?

You'll find all you want under those rocks.

Well, what are we waiting for?

That one's beside.

Oh, come on. A two-year-old child could push that over.

Well, you better get a two-year-old child, because I can't budge it.

We better look around for one that's ready to just fall over by itself.

Yeah. Well, I don't have that kind of luck.

You see how wrong you can be?

And look at that worm.

Where?

Well, help yourself.

Uh-uh. This is your picnic.

And hurry before he gets away.

Yeah.

What'll I use?

Since the silver went over with the lunch.

I guess it's all right if you use your hands.

My bare hand?

Gloves get so messy, sticking the worm on the hook.

Well?

You sure it isn't a little snake?

Snake.

Could be sort of a midget, huh?

It's a worm, Mr. Petty.

A plain, ordinary little worm.

If it attacks you, I'll come to your aid.

Here.

Perhaps you'd like to club it to death first.

You shouldn't put ideas like that in my head.

Just because...

It's Dr. Whitman.

They're all geology class.

Think of it, I am.

It's up here in an hour.

What are you doing here?

I had a few hours, and I'd like to get away by myself.

I see.

Well, this half of our group will explore the east end of the island.

The rest will explore the west part.

If you search thoroughly, you will find every species of rock formation we have

discussed.

You're not going to risk your lives for a few stones and pebbles, are you?

Risk our lives?

Oh, the place is simply crawling with snakes.

I just had a tussle with one myself.

Is she wearing that?

I always bring a spare.

Let's proceed.

We'll meet here in an hour.

Now, I thought I saw someone else here.

Someone else?

You must have been drinking, Professor.

Just a figure of speech.

The figure I saw here wasn't a figure of speech.

Just to make sure she wasn't one of our students.

Now, Professor, what would one of your students be doing here?

I see what you mean.

Oh, Dr. Whitman, I wouldn't go into that thicket if I were you.

I wasn't kidding about the snakes.

I'll tell you what, you stay here, and I'll beat the bushes so nothing attacks you.

Professor, you're needlessly concerned.

The figure isn't a student.

Why is she hiding?

Why is she hiding?

That's a long story.

I have plenty of time.

Do you?

Well, you see, she comes from a very strict background.

You know the type, don't you, Professor?

I can't say I do.

Of course.

And, well, you can understand.

How an innocent bit of fun could be misinterpreted.

It could cause a scandal that could ruin a young girl's life.

You were a young girl once, weren't you?

Weren't you?

Professor, look!

Don't worry, I have the situation under control.

Yes, don't just stand there.

Don't worry, I'll untangle it before the snakes arrive.

What happened?

A branch fell down.

Yes, I got it.

Well, what do you know?

A runaway boat.

Ha, ha. Isn't Professor Braymore coming to dinner?

I had a trying day. Spent the morning at the doctor's.

Oh, then I'll bring some dinner up to her.

Oh, no, no, no. She's not hungry.

Oh, she must be. She didn't have any lunch either.

It's me, Randy Andy.

Oh, please go away.

I have food.

I brought lunch and dinner.

Oh, it's very kind of you.

Now, if you'd just be kind enough to get out of my life.

But I haven't accomplished my mission yet.

Is it to get me dismissed?

Oh, quite the contrary.

It's to get you to quit.

Two parents could be tough enough on a girl, but a whole flock of them.

It just ain't natural.

I know it's hard for you to believe, but I like my parents.

All 12 of them.

And I like this place.

It's where I was born and brought up.

Didn't you ever hear of love?

This is my kind of life.

Love and marriage will have to be part of it.

And that's what I figured.

Okay, I get...

But, Victoria, can I paint you before I leave?

No, I couldn't go back to that island.

No, no, in my room. It's next to the garage.

No, that's impossible.

Are you going to force me to wave that certain newspaper clipping in your face

again?

You wouldn't.

No, I would like to paint you, though.

All right. Tonight at 8. Just one sitting.

If it takes all night. I'll have the bathing suit ready.

You leave the bathing suit in the hall closet. I'll put it on here.

It's very proper, but most unprofessional.

Well, have you seen enough?

Is this the best pose you could think of?

You, my girl, are posing for...

Cheesecake.

Cheesecake?

Yes, leg art.

Glorifying the female form divine.

Come here.

Is that me?

It's the you that I see.

Always on the phone making dates with me.

Well, I never thought of myself as...

Cheesecake?

That's what I've been trying to tell you.

But if you prefer to let yourself be squeezed between the pages of a book until

you're stiff and dry...

Are you sure you're not better at this sort of thing than you are at serious

painting?

Well, that's not what the boys at the bank tell me.

But I'm glad you like it.

I do.

Very much.

It's yours.

Mine?

I won't need any reminder of the girl on that campus.

You may.

Well, that's very kind of you, but...

Don't worry.

I'll wrap it and hide it in your closet.

Well, you've got to get some sleep and I've got some back to you.

Goodbye.

And it's only in the interest of discipline and a sense of propriety among our

students that I report this shameful incident.

I have a feeling this is a matter for a psychiatrist.

Obviously, something has snapped in the child's brain.

Yes, something has snapped.

I should hate you, Professor Whitman, but I don't.

I'm grateful to you.

You made it snap.

You made me realize what I really want.

Victoria, what?

Oh, you needn't worry about me, Dr. Webb.

I resign with thanks for everything.

You've been wonderful, all of you.

But having 12 parents, well, it just ain't natural.

Besides, I'm in love.

I trust some of us still remember the meaning of that word.

Victoria, congratulations, my dear.

Thank you.

Lots of luck.

Bless you, my.

Bye.

Lots of luck.

Yes, Mr. Uncle Ben.

Miss Braymore, I think perhaps I should explain that...

That Uncle Ben is something of a nickname.

The name is Beardsley.

Beardsley.

Well, aren't you going to ask me in, Uncle Ben?

Mr. Petty isn't home.

I'll wait.

I want to surprise him.

That's Mr. Petty's patroness, responsible for his success.

Oh, so she's the one who's been masterminding his career.

Mrs. Deslow likes her art highbrow.

And men?

Highbrow artists.

I think I'll have to meet her.

You will, I'm afraid. I expect.

She telephoned that she's on her way up.

She's up.

Hello, Beardley. Is Mr. Petty back yet?

Not yet. I don't believe it.

Good. I'm just off the plane from Paris, and I want to surprise him.

Oh, he may be sometime.

He has a little matter to attend to.

So I see.

This is Mrs. Deslow, Dr. Braymore.

Doctor.

Veterinary?

Which doctor?

I suppose you came to sit for Mr. Petty.

No, I came to marry him.

Matter.

Well, thanks, Virgely. I forgot my key.

Surprise!

What?

George!

Connie!

Victoria!

Did I say, have you two met?

Head on.

Oh.

George, dear, I've got to run now.

I just dropped by to tell you that I'm divorced.

Divorced?

Yes, I miss Manton again, and I have some very exciting plans for your career.

Will you hear that, Victoria?

With the program I have in mind, I'll have you with a master's in the museum of art.

Manton's daughter next to Whistler's mother.

Pick me up in about an hour.

We'll talk about it at cocktails.

Fine, Connie, fine.

And, George, I let nothing, nobody stand in my way.

You must be the same.

Oh, don't you worry about that.

I won't.

Nice to meet you.

Goodbye.

Bye, Connie.

Well, Professor, don't tell me there's another convention.

I've come to get married.

You do want to marry me, don't you?

Do I want to?

Is it too soon?

Only for your ex, Mrs. Deslow.

Oh, those eyes are a little green.

And I have just the nails to match.

Good. I'm glad you're jealous.

Oh, darling.

And tomorrow we can sell those wonderful paintings of yours.

You mean those cheesecakes?

Yeah.

You're no highbrow artist, darling.

We'll talk about it after the wedding, dear.

We'll talk about it before the wedding.

That's not the kind of painting you really want to do.

Well, what makes you say that?

Because when you painted me and didn't have a phony snob of a patroness breathing

down your neck, you reverted to your original style.

Yes, but that style wasn't the real me.

Of course it was.

It's just that you refused to see yourself as honestly as you made me see myself.

Oh, but I am seeing myself honestly.

No, George.

All the time you were chasing me with that talk about musty tombs and frustrations,

you were talking to yourself.

Now, look, Miss Amateur Analyst, you're carrying jealousy a little too far.

I can't just throw my whole career in the ash can.

It's the only career I ever had, and believe it or not, I happen to be happy in my

work.

I had the same sickness, but you help me, and I'll be right at your side helping

you.

Can't you see, darling?

I...

I love you too much to let you make a fraud of yourself with this trash, trash!

Well, that's an interesting approach, I must say, telling me my work's lousy,

discouraging me from trying to be a real painter, and then calling it love. If

that's love, I'll take the nearest exit, but George...

Virtually, we'll get you a cab.

Is Mr. Petty leaving?

To make plans for his hanging in the Museum of Art.

Frankly, I'm a bit of a snob myself, but I do detest them.

And if I could do anything to put a crimp in that woman's plan...

All I'd have to do is smear Mr. Petty's name with enough cheesecake, and she'd drop

him like a hot potato.

Quite, but the question is how.

Uncle Ben, I've got the answer.

Supplied by the ex-Mrs. Deslow herself.

Have you ever been arrested?

Not yet.

Good, then you'll get off lightly. Come on.

May I ask where to?

To get the rest of my luggage and then to the Museum of Art.

Museum of Art?

If things go well there, I'll probably wind up in burlesque.

That's logical.

If you've come here to stop me...

Stop me? I came here to help you!

What a house! Catch up, don't you know what for? Can't you see she's trying to get

dressed? Who's stopping her? Your own lady, my colleague. Oh yeah, I can see the

resemblance. Uh, Dr. Crutcher, these gentlemen are the producers of the show, and

you're sure putting it over too, kid! Even standing room is sold out. Just coming

to tell your answer. Yeah, you better get undressed.

I hate to close the showdown, but you have to fight fire with fire and spite with

spite.

I slap her with this court order and fight over just like that.

Well, let's get it done. I have to get to Miss Madden's party. I'm the guest of

honor.

Sorry.

Good evening. We want to see Victoria Braymore.

Who doesn't? The box office is around the corner.

And they're all sold out, so it isn't very important. You see, he's a process, sir.

Oh, a process driver.

And we got a special way of welcoming him, process, sir.

Yes.

Is this the kind of welcome you always get?

In this trade, there's one word we never mention: process server.

Fine time to tell me.

But in this trade, there's one word we always see. Where there's a window, there's

a way.

I could have sworn that was two words.

Come here.

They are, sir, after you.

I can't go crawling through cellar windows.

I'm all dressed for Miss Matt.

You've got to point the dame out to me to make sure I serve the right person.

In this trade, we always say...

Never mind.

That's all right. The tales will cover it.

Of course, that's what they're for.

This ought to lead someplace.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, introducing the sensational quick-change artist,

Senya Chameleon, and his human waxwork.

So rapid are my changes that you will think there are several characters on the

stage at the same time.

However, I assure you that I am the only real-life person in the entire act.

Now, ladies and gentlemen, for my first cheap-sitting bull.

Ladies and gentlemen, please. There has been a big mistake. I can only hear. Please.

Ladies and gentlemen, please.

Where's Moody?

I'm Moody.

Oh.

Is this the one?

Oh, no, that's the one I wear in the second act.

I think they'll find the other one in the.. .

Who are you?

Oh, so you don't remember me.

Don't tell me I've changed that.

You'll soon find out what in the world.

There's your party.

Well, who is he?

Who do you think I... Napoleon?

Yeah, who do you think he...

Who...

There you are, lady.

Come on, honey, you're on.

I know what...

Hey, come on.

You're too late.

The lady's been served.

That court order forbids Miss Braymore from appearing publicly under the name of

the pettigirl.

You mean we gotta give back all that dough?

You can't do this to us.

I don't have to.

That little paper's doing it.

And now, if you'll forgive me, I have an engagement.

The ex-Mrs. Deslow has taken over the entire royale roof for a party in my honor.

Au revoir.

Excuse me.

It's a good thing I got, Elsher's.

A thing like this could give me.

Oh, I'm awfully sorry.

Oh, that's all right.

It's not your fault.

I don't understand.

Why doesn't he want us to do it?

Because someone is trying to make him snobbish...

Wait a minute.

This paper says I can't perform publicly as the pettigirl.

Is a private party a public performance?

There's only one way to find out.

Could I borrow my music and costume for a few hours?

You can borrow the scenery, the cast, and the orchestra, for all the use they're

gonna be to us.

I think I will.

But we're friends of Mr. Petty's.

Then go in the front way.

We want to surprise him.

Sorry.

Oh, I had to get Mr. Petty a fresh suit.

Dr. Crutcher.

Benny!

Uncle Ben, you've just got to help us get in here.

We have a surprise for Mr. Petty.

Oh, I'm afraid he's had too many surprises.

And when he found out I had a hand in that museum business, oh, no, no, I can't get

myself further involved.

Fine gratitude after getting me involved that night.

Are you involved?

I don't seem to remember.

Just like a man, filling my head with champagne and ideas, then tossing me aside

like an old bag.

A glove.

Well, let me warn you.

A woman scorned is a vessel of wrath.

Yes.

Please, let us not lose our tempers.

They're all right.

You can have them in.

Okay.

Oh, Uncle Ben, you're a doll.

George, this will get you lots of new friends and lots of new connections.

Ladies and gentlemen, through the courtesy of the Downtown Burlesque Theater, Mr.

George Petty has arranged to present in person his creation and protégé, the Petty

Girls.

Over here, boys. Over here, boys.

Meet the cutest little girl of the year, boys.

Take a look at the beauty on the billboard.

Take a look at the pretty Petty Girls.

Show her drinking Coca-Cola in the kitchen with a can of Mazzola.

Looking sweet by a new electric icebox.

All at once it becomes a pretty nice box.

Just a look.

When wintry January storms occur, with Jack Frost nipping at our faces, a lady

should be covered up with fur, at least in certain places.

Beware, beware the windy eyes of March when it just seems to blow in batches.

And don't wear any dress with too much starch because when it blows, it scratches.

There must be truth in what the poets say About the origin of flowers You can't

expect the ones that bloom in May Without some April showers The June bride used to

turn a telltale pink When all those people started kissing Today the kissing is the

same, I think Except the blush is missing Yes

Hark, hark, I seem to hear September call.

In fact, I hear it fairly bawling.

The leaves start falling in the early fall.

And that ain't all that's falling.

The winter season isn't really born till old December comes a-knocking.

Suppose you rubbed your eyes on Christmas morn and found this in your stocking.

George, I've been thinking about what you said that morning.

I want you to handle all the artwork on my new car.

Father, you know very well George isn't doing that sort of thing anymore.

Connie, why must you always remake every man you take a shine to?

Bundy was just a fiddler in a Hungarian restaurant.

She had to make him a symphony conductor.

Ronnie was a radio crew.

She had to push, and I mean push him into Grand Opelie.

Make a long hair out of him.

She's made a long hair out of you, too.

I've heard about enough.

So have I.

George, where are you going?

To get a haircut.

You have seen the girl for every month of the year.

Now we'll give you the girl for every day of the year.

Shapely, curvaceous, and my goodness gracious.

In the flesh, she's the lady who is known as a petty girl.