All language subtitles for The Petty Girl 1950.en

If you're wondering what the giant Manton
Auto Works has to do with the Petty Girl,

the answer is plenty.

And I ought to know, I'm George Petty. I
created her.

It all goes back to the time when B.J.
Manton, that's the bald, granite-jawed

gentleman in the center, brought out his
latest model, the small, stumpy, economy-

sized Manton midget.

Advertising being the next order of
business, that's where I came in, direct from

the Corn Belt.

I was wearing my best suit. In fact, it
was my worst suit, too.

I was a commercial sketch artist, and
this was my big chance.

Since there was nothing about the Manton
midget to make people turn and look twice,

the trick I felt was to inject something
into the advertising that would.

Well, what better to make you turn and
look twice than, um, see what I mean?

Of course you do. But granite-jawed
Manton didn't.

Was I discouraged? Me, George Petty,
discouraged?

Frankly, I was.

Mr. Manton saw absolutely nothing in my
idea, and less in me.

Even my trump card, my tricky little
catchphrase, Manton midget, the body beautiful,

left him cold, which, incidentally, was
his natural temperature.

So I started to pack up, wondering if I
could get a job as a stevedore, when

suddenly I smelled violets.

I looked up and saw fate.

Fate in mink.

Silver mink.

Fate in the lovely figure of old Granite
Jaws' beautiful daughter, Connie.

She was so sorry to interrupt, but as you
can see, she was utterly fascinated by my

drawings.

Not only that, rather surprised and, well,
angry when I told her they were rejected.

Now, what did a board of directors know
about art?

She apologized for them.

She kept apologizing at cocktails later
that afternoon.

And even in my studio, when she came to
see my work, she was greatly impressed.

But felt my painting was not quite
important enough.

But felt my painting was not quite
important enough.

for a man of my talents.

She was absolutely certain of it when I
showed her some of the things I had done

when I was still in art school.

It was pleasant to be told you were a
budding genius.

According to her, all I needed for this
bud to burst into full flower was romance,

a love affair.

Oh, they were magical words.

In fact, a few more magical words, and
there I was, a serious portrait painter.

Commissioned at Connie's recommendation,
to paint, uh, old Granite Jaw himself,

flashing his prettiest smile.

Cousin Woody, who was born with a polo
mallet in his mouth, uh, it was the horse's

day off.

And then there were the brats, or
children.

Cousin Woody's, that is.

Thanks to Connie's, uh, sponsorship, I
now had a magnificent penthouse studio and a

fancy butler named Beardsley, whom she
had taken great pains in choosing.

Since he was a gentleman's gentleman, his
first job was to...

make me a gentleman. So there I was, the
perfectly turned out man about town. Oh,

now don't misunderstand. That was just a
friendly goodbye peck. Connie was off to

Paris to join her husband. Oh, yes, she
had a husband. In fact, she collected

husbands. And though she left promising
great things for my career as a serious

painter, I found myself sort of doodling,
a doodling in my best commercial style, a,

um, and that brings us to the other girl
in our story. No, no, this is not the

girl. This is Amelia Braymore, her great-
grandmother, founder of this peaceful

little college bearing her name. If
Amelia had known what was going to happen,

she'd have fallen off her pedestal.
Living here and daring to sing and feel free

only in the privacy of her own room was
the reason it all happened.

Fancy free spring is here, but it can't
catch me. I'm

The postman, the teller, the vials, many
as I see.

Little glances on the stairs, mysterious
sketch you delete.

Key and see

La la

Fancy free, fancy free.

Love is mysterious, get too delirious,
why take it serious?

That is why I try.

Caswell's Mass Behavior, Chapter 12.

You will find that the most effective
force for sociological advancement is

progressive education.

Professor Braymore?

Yes?

Wouldn't you say our own college is
somewhat of a contradiction of Caswell's theory

of progressive education?

According to the National News Weekly,
Braymore heads the list of institutions

considered old-fashioned and antiquated.

Braymore is prepared to answer that
attack at the coming educational conference.

In fact, I've been chosen to do the...

answering. Victoria! Oh, Dr. Crutcher!
Has President Webb spoken to you yet? No,

we're about to see him in his office at 3.
It's about your trip to the educational

conference. I have an idea. Professor
Whitman. Shh!

Good morning, Professor Whitman. Good
morning.

I have an idea that Professor Whitman has
put her two cents in.

I don't think two cents will be quite
enough.

Now then. Victoria, dear.

Ever since that awful accident took your
mother and father from among us, we've all

tried to look after you, act as, well,
sort of your guardians. You've been more

like parents.

Precisely why we're so concerned about
your going to New York without a chaperone.

Caroleing companion, since Professor
Whitman came to us with the idea, we feel

she's the logical one to accompany you to
New York.

Oh, well, it was very thoughtful of you,
Professor Whitman, but, uh, no.

You'd all be concerned. I've already
asked Dr. Crutcher to accompany me, and she

very kindly consented. Didn't you, Dr.
Crutcher? Oh, yes. Yes, indeed. I sometimes

feel the board educated you well, but
didn't pay quite enough attention to your

character. The important thing is to
answer those charges of Braymore as old-

fashioned and antiquated, and to have a
good time. Yes, but I'd stay away from

those vulgarities known as Broadway plays.
Oh, the theater's all right. It's those

awful smoke-filled nightclubs. It's the
drinking that makes him so awful. I'd say

it was the dancing, some of the shameful
exhibitions people know. Please, please,

please, knowing Victoria's we do, I see
no point in all this discussion. You'll

find lots of symphonies, lectures, and
museums in New York. Just have a good time.

If we run into any boogeymen, I'll wire
for help.

Thank you.

Did I seem nervous?

You spoke very well, my dear.

What do you suppose they think of
Braymore now?

They think it's old-fashioned, antiquated,
and completely behind the times.

But they seem to...

The conference is over. Let's forget it
and do what they told us.

Have a good time.

Now, let's see. The first stop is the
Museum of Art.

And if we feel really daring, we'll visit
the morgue.

And so it was at the Museum of Art, where
my new interest in serious painting had

brought me, that I first saw her.

She seemed like the cold fish type, but
as she stopped before Rodin's famous statue,

the kiss, her expression was nothing
like any fish I'd ever seen.

Could this be the thing that was going to
make my genius burst into full flower?

I had to find out.

But it was only after old Ironsides
excused herself.

the go for a drink of water that I
gathered up the courage to stroll up to her.

Sort of takes your breath away, doesn't
it? Really? I mean the way the cold marble

softens and seems to become...

If you don't mind, I make it a rule never
to talk to strangers. Oh, well, that must

be very comforting to your mother. Dr.
Crutcher is my friend and colleague. A

doctor? Yeah, I just happen to have a
slight pain. Doctor of philosophy, a

professor. Oh, a school teacher. How did
you guess? Well, it wasn't difficult. Now,

will you go away or shall I call the
attendant? The attendant?

Well, that's not much of a choice.
However, being allergic to rough handling, I...

Dr. Crutcher.

Dr. Crutcher, how are you?

Very well, thank you.

Well, well, well, this is indeed a great
surprise and pleasure.

How are things at the old school?

Braymore.

Braymore, yes.

It hasn't changed a bit.

Still stuck in the mud.

Good old Braymore.

Well, I guess you didn't recognize me,
did you?

Oh, I know how it is.

So many students coming and going.

True, true, but I think I do recognize
you.

You do?

Class of '39, right?

Dr. Crutcher, you're amazing.

Not really.

It's a joy running into former students,
you know.

Yes.

Especially when they're as nice as you
are.

Thanks.

Are there any other Braymore alumni in
town?

Just Victoria Braymore herself.

Surely you remember her.

Oh, naturally, yes.

She'll be very happy to see you.

Oh, Victoria, I'd like you to meet one of
our alumni, Mr...

It's George Petty.

Of course.

Victoria is the youngest faculty member
now.

The youngest and the prettiest.

Now, now, Dr. Crutcher, no need for
modesty.

What do you do now, Mr. Petty?

Besides hanging around museums...

Well, I'm a painter.

An artist, you know.

Oh, how marvelous.

Have you any pictures here?

Well, not yet.

However, if you'd like to see some of my
work...

We'd love to see some of your work.

You and Dr. Crutcher run along.

I'm sure you have lots of old times to
talk.

Oh, we can save the reminiscing for later.

No, no, please.

Go right ahead.

But we insist you join us, don't we?

There, you see, it's all settled.

It's only natural, I suppose, that I
should take pride in the accomplishments of my

former students, especially my more
favored ones.

And you were one of my more favored ones,
Mr. Petty.

I remember that distinctly.

And I seem to remember you're taking
several of my courses.

Oh, yes, yes, indeed.

Which courses were they, Mr. Petty?

Yeah, well, I took all of them.

Well, surely you majored in one.

Well, I'm afraid I majored in football.

A one-man team, no doubt.

Well, I wouldn't say that.

You must have been.

Braymore has no other football team.

Football?

Did I say football?

Well, naturally, I meant hockey.

It's funny how I always get the two
confused.

Very funny, especially since Braymore has
no hockey either.

Don't you remember our ban on athletics?

Oh, of course.

But you'd be surprised at the underground
activities.

You just wouldn't believe the things we
used to do.

You're so right, Mr. Petty.

So right.

You'll have to excuse the mess.

It's my man's day off.

I think this is my best.

Oh, it's quite interesting.

You don't seem very impressed.

I imagine it's a good photographic
likeness.

Don't you like good photographic
likenesses?

I think art should express the artist.

Couldn't this have been done with a
camera?

If I thought so, Miss Braymore, I would
have used a camera.

These are some others over here.

I did these between portraits in case I
ever give a one-man show.

Let's take off.

Let's go.

Let's go. I don't know.

Very interesting indeed. Now this has
some spirit in life. I'm afraid, Miss

Braymore, you will never be an art treaty.
That's just some stuff I used to play

around with in the old days. Those days
are definitely over. Oh, but it's charming!

It is style and humor. It's completely
inconsequential, of course, but it's more

suited to your personality, Victoria. I
think we'd better be getting back to the

hotel. I'll take you. Oh, that won't be
necessary. Since my art doesn't please you,

perhaps my chivalry will. Come on, how
about forgetting art and having dinner? Well,

you'll have to ask Dr. Crutcher. Our
chaperone's a little out of pay. The doctor

and I are together for the entire trip.
We'll have fun.

He made rather abruptly.

He'll call.

I think he will.

Victoria, I must confess something.

You know, I don't think that young man
ever went to Braymore.

Oh, you've known that for hours.

Yes, but he was so charming.

Charming?

And such a liar.

Oh, he meant well.

Nevertheless, Dr. Crutcher, we have been
picked up.

Hello?

Hello, this is George Petty.

I know.

Oh, you expected this, huh?

Yes.

Well, I want to enroll in Braymore again.

That is, if you change your mind about
dinner.

Look, can't you get rid of that nursemaid
of yours for one evening?

Why can't you bring a friend?

A friend?

Well, all right, I'll bring a friend.

We'll be ready at seven.

Goodbye.

That was Mr. Petty.

We're going to dinner.

With him and a friend.

Oh.

Now wasn't that thoughtful of him,
inviting a friend for you?

A friend?

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I remember you're an old friend of the
family.

Yes, sir.

Better make it my uncle.

Yes, sir.

And just as soon as dinner's over, you
insist that Dr. Crutcher accompany you to

the lecture.

Very good, sir.

Got the tickets?

Uh, yes, sir.

Don't you think you ought to stop calling
me sir?

Uh, yes, uh, no, sir. That is, uh, very
well.

Just call me George.

Thank you, sir.

Now, remember, here they are.

Miss Braymore, Dr. Crutcher, my Uncle Ben.

Your uncle, of course.

The resemblance is unmistakable.

Yes, uh, another 30 years we'll be taken
for twins.

Pretty amusing, sir.

Oh, yeah.

Uncle is a gentleman of the old school
who calls everybody sir.

Shall we be off?

We're completely in your hands.

Uncle Ben.

What is it?

Frankly, I had some qualms about going
out to dinner with you.

But now that we've met your uncle, well,
such refinement is very reassuring.

Family trade. A cigarette.

No, thank you.

Victoria doesn't want to offend Professor
Emery.

He considers tobacco the root of all evil.

Oh, is that what he teaches?

That's what he taught Victoria.

Regards himself, you know, as one of her
parents.

Oh.

Oh, no, the board expects me to set
Victoria a good example.

Champagne, mademoiselle?

Thank you, no.

Professor Horton's influence.

Oh, another parent?

Another parent.

Victoria has an even dozen.

An even dozen?

You see, the faculty board has sort of
adopted Victoria.

Oh, I see.

Madame.

mademoiselle

monsieur

a drop since I can't drink with you
lovely ladies, permit me to drink to you.

Charming. I think I'd like another drop.
You won't tell Professor Horton, will you?

This will be more convenient.

Then there's one about the explorer who
was watching the tribal dance.

His guide turned towards him and said,
Among those savages, a wife can be bought

for $2.

And the explorer replied, Well, a good
wife's worth $2.

They're having such a good time, and all
so unexpected.

Yes, it's a bit of a surprise to me, too.

Oh, imagine, 8 o'clock.

8 o'clock? Time for another drink?

Pardon.

Yes, the death, too.

Uncle Ben, didn't you have some plans for
this evening?

Plans? Plans are made to be altered.

An old saying I just made up.

Yes, but Uncle Ben, I believe you said it
was important.

A lecture or something.

Oh, yes, yes, I wasn't.

to forget that, was I?

The rebirth of medievalism sounds awful
on a full stomach. Show dance.

Dancing?

That's Professor Abernathy's pet phobia.

Oh, I quite agree with it, Professor,
about certain kinds of dance.

But I'm sure they don't apply to Uncle
Ben.

I'd love to dance.

George, aren't you going to ask Dr.
Plutcher to dance?

Well, I... Well, I'm afraid I'm not very
well up in these modern dance steps, but

I'm willing to try.

Don't you think it'd be more fun on the
dance floor?

Oh, I guess.

Oh, sorry.

My, your uncle's an excellent dancer.

You'd make a fine team.

Whoa, wait a minute.

Oh, sorry.

You should get your uncle to give you
some lessons.

I'm learning a lesson tonight.

I'll never forget.

So sorry.

Sorry.

I can't take it.

Must be that glass of wine you had.

Seems I can't hold it as well as my uncle.

Well, perhaps a little fresh air would
help.

That's a very good idea.

Four or five hours, I've got to be as
good as new.

You stay right here.

Uncle Ben will see you home, if he can
still see.

Send me the bill, Paul.

Yes, sir.

Oh, excuse me, Uncle Ben. I'd better get
your nephew.

Mr. Petty, leaving so soon?

I cannot compete with Uncle Ben.

I'm sorry, but you did take too much for
granted.

Well, after this clam bake, I'm taking
myself to a place that would give you and

those 12 parents of yours the horrors.

The air is smoke-filled. They have very
intoxicating beverages, bebop music, and

something you've probably never seen at
Braymore.

What's that?

Live people.

We've heard of such things. I'd like to
see them.

I'd let you if I thought you could be
separated from your colleague by anything

less than a major operation.

An invitation might do it.

I'll get you things.

The brush and easel is dedicated not only
to amusement, but also to art.

The type of art you admire.

Miss McKenzie is the model for the
nightly $50 sketch contest.

Model? In just that little fur?

No, no. She'll probably wear a hat, too.

Doesn't anyone object?

Well, just the police.

Oh, this place has been raided by the
police many times.

But what's a little raid among artists?

Wish to withdraw?

I'm a teacher, Mr. Petty. Not a reformer.

Ah, Mr. Petty. It's none of my business.

What's the... This way, please.

Souvenir doll?

No, thank you.

Oh, she'd love one of those.

I stopped playing with dolls a little
over a year ago.

Dolls like this?

Well.

Yes, I want you to have something to
remember this evening.

All right. A little.

Something to drink?

The lady will probably have iced tea.

I'll have a scotch and soda.

I'll have double scotch, straight.

My mistake, sorry.

I like it.

Later, I'll have another scotch.

That is not a waiter, and that's your
third scotch.

Haven't you had enough?

Have you?

I think so.

Then I'll just finish.

And now a bit of Calypso featuring a girl
who shakes her hips, oh, Carmelita Moray.

All in and all in Trinita, sing Calypso,
it's the local part, but it's something I

learned to do, so I learned it now to you.

I teach you my Calypso song, direction,
short and sweet, how can you go wrong when

you add a word or two that you make up as
you go along?

Take a word from the nearest school,
daily paper is the place to look, he can

either man make a prize, you can do it
anytime.

I didn't know I could sing, did you?

Nobody knows.

Direction.

Big secret.

Just keep it a secret.

Very well.

Miss Duke, make up as you go along.

Is handy for reporting news event or
expressing sentimental sentiment or

instructing audience to sing Calypso's
song.

I teach you my Calypso's song.

You make things up as you go.

Pick a word that comes to mind.

Any adjective or noun will do.

And tell it the time before you come.

I'll make it rhyme for you.

How about a word from someone, please?

How about a word from you?

Scotch.

Oh, Scotch.

The crazy thing is a double Scotch.

You see double everything you watch.

Since you've had twice as much to drink,
it gets...

Pretty drunk, I think.

I teach you my collection, short, long,
sweet – how can you go wrong?

Get a pretty girl to sing to as you go.

Will you give me a word?

Coconut.

Coconut.

Coconut is a funny fruit.

Hair is fuzzy like a union suit.

When you shake it down off the bar, you
can milk it like a cow.

I, I teach you my collection, short, long,
sweet, how can you go wrong?

She's wonderful.

Make up as you go along.

For appetizing what you manufactured, or
harmonizing when you good and fractured,

McCartney I recommend, I leave so soft,
leave so soft, so soft.

Let's dance.

I must have lost my souvenir.

I bet you'd like to have been up on that
stage in Carmelita's place, wouldn't you?

Oh, ridiculous.

Right now, I'm doing all I want to do.

Why are you laughing?

Just never thought I could enjoy dancing
with a professor.

What's wrong with professors?

They're musty and out of shape.

Am I musty and out of shape?

No, but you will be if you let yourself
remain buried in a tomb like Braymore.

With an army of parents hovering over you
like a lot of watchdogs.

But I belong in Braymore.

You belong right here in New York, where
you can be seen and admired.

Tell me more.

Well, I could tell you a lot more.

It's so noisy and crowded in here.

Why don't we go somewhere nice and quiet?

Quiet?

Where we could be alone.

Alone?

My apartment?

We could sit and talk and have...

Your apartment?

Mr. Penny, your apartment!

But I...

That's what you've been getting at all
evening, isn't it?

No, no, no, I was only trying...

I know what you were trying.

But wait a minute.

You stop this and try to be reasonable.

You actually thought, didn't you, that
all it would take would be a little flattery

and a few drinks.

Let me help you.

No, thank you.

No!

Yes, it's time to see her here.

Now, look what you've done.

What I've done.

I suppose there's a maid even in a place
like this.

Yes, here's a quart.

Oh!

I wonder if you could help with my dress.

Mm-hmm.

There's always someone clumsy in the
crowd.

It'll shrink if it dries on you.

I'd better press it dry.

Oh, could you?

You should see what I sometimes have to
fix.

And now, friends, get your sketch pads
ready, here's model of the week, Patty

McKenzie.

Mission, move. Move.

Your head is made of glass, my friend.

Must be out of shape.

What's that?

Oh, nothing.

I was just talking to myself.

Man's really got you worried, hasn't he?

Man?

What man?

Only one thing will make a woman talk to
herself.

A man.

Uh-oh, here we go again.

Thanks, honey.

Okay, Miss McKenzie.

Come on.

I'm talking to you, miss.

Me?

That's right.

You can ride in the front seat with me.

I'll keep my hat on, too.

Oh, you think I'm the model?

The light dawns.

Come on.

You're making a ridiculous mistake.

I'm merely a guest here.

Now, since when did guests run around
without any dresses on?

Oh, well, now, that was the strangest
thing.

I was standing right there putting on my
dress, and suddenly it just disappeared.

Disappeared?

Right through that window.

Right through that window.

Yes.

Well, you can tell that to the judge,
Miss McKenzie.

He enjoys a good joke, too.

Come on.

After you, man.

Sit down.

Stop.

Officer, now wait a minute.

What do you think you're doing?

Taking Miss McKenzie to the way.

She's not Miss McKenzie.

Well, who is she then?

Well, she's...

She...

Oh, yeah, she just happens to be afraid.

That's what I thought.

Come on, Miss McKenzie.

Hey, Sergeant.

Miss Monkey's interfering with the law.

Monkey?

Okay, bud, you get a free ride.

Wait a minute, you've got the wrong
monkey.

All right, here.

Well, good morning, Miss.

Good morning, my key, please.

Dr. Crutch has taken it up.

Oh, haven't you a duplicate?

I don't want to wake her.

I don't think you will.

She just got in herself.

What?

Anything wrong?

Just time.

Oh, if a Mr. Petty calls, tell him I've
checked out.

I understand perfect.

Let's hear also tell.

Miss Braymore's checked out.

Checked out?

But that's impossible.

She was only released.

I mean, she couldn't have.

Well, didn't she leave any message?

I just gave you the message.

She said to tell you she just checked out.

Uncle Ben, or Beardsley, what's happened
to that coffee?

Oh, yeah.

I've been up all night worrying about you.

So the desk clerk told me.

Well, I can explain.

Now, you sort of...

Let's not bother each other with
explanations.

Let's just get back to Braymore as fast
as we can.

Oh, my head, it feels the size of a melon.

You're lucky. I can't feel mine at all.

He told me champagne was no different
than ginger ale.

Must be something I ate.

I still don't understand why you cut your
trip so short, Victoria.

Was it that museums aren't very
interesting with a chaperone?

Victoria and I both found it a bit dull.

In that case, I'm glad you excluded me.

Oh, please.

We mustn't deny the professor the
pleasure of being unpleasant.

All right, you.

You can start clearing the dishes.

This is Andrew Tepps, our new handyman.

Excuse me.

Aye, aye, I teach you my Calypso song.

How dare you follow me?

Young man, no singing and no dawdling.

You have to work fast around here.

Oh, don't you worry, Mrs. Hitch.

Some people think I work a little too
fast.

We'll see.

If you don't leave instantly, I'll expose
you and then you'll...

Tell everyone all about the incident of
the brush and easel.

Good idea.

If they don't believe you, I can always
supply a few newspaper clippings to clarify

the situation.

I think I'll go to my room.

Thank you, Dr. Crutcher. You're being
very cooperative.

Just what is it you're after?

Well, one, satisfy my curiosity why a
girl like you should be willing to hide away

in this catacomb.

And two, convince you that you got the
wrong impression of me at the brush and

easel.

We were discussing art. Andrew is a
student in his spare time.

I forgot my purse.

Yes. I mean, yes, sir.

A great little invention, the brush and
easel.

Or brush and easel.

I couldn't let you just walk right out of
my life.

I ran.

Now, really, I...

And that's how I came to study art.

I got the wrong one.

Brush and easel.

Now, what do you suppose she meant by
that?

We'll discuss it tonight.

I'll pick you up in my brand-new rent-a-
car promptly at night.

You'll pick yourself up in...

I'll toot three times.

You can toot 3,000 times and see if I
care.

You may want to frame this one, or shall
I clip it to the bulletin board in the

hall?

You!

Well, where's the bottleneck?

Bottleneck?

Now, let's see, I...

Andrew!

Get those dishes in the kitchen!

Yes, ma'am.

Gotta keep things running smooth.

Smoothly.

Nine o'clock.

We'd better finish this tomorrow.

All right.

Good night, everyone.

Good night.

Good night, everybody.

Good night.

I think I'll go up to see you all for
breakfast.

Good night, everybody.

Good night.

I think I'll go up for a breath of fresh
air.

I could use a bit myself.

Mind if I join you?

Oh, well, on second thought, perhaps bed
would be a little wiser.

I think it would be wiser, my dear.

Well, good night.

Good night, Victoria.

Just where are we going?

The fellow that rented me this car
mentioned a place called Inspiration Point.

Inspiration Point?

Yeah, it sounded very inspiring.

But the colleges ruled it out of bounds.

Well, that's what made it sound so
inspiring.

And, uh, now, Professor, the object of
our coming up here.

To prove to you that I'm not the wicked
wolf you think I am.

Here in this idyllic setting, with all
the romantic forces of man and nature

conspiring against me, I shall show you
that I can conduct myself in strictest

accord with the rigid Braymore code for
gentlemanly behavior.

In short, I shall sit here like a jerk
and discuss Carnot's principle of reversible

cycles.

If you don't believe it, test me.

I left my chemistry set at home.

Oh, come on, get up close.

Put your arms around me.

Assault me with your charms.

Kiss me.

What's the matter, afraid of me or
yourself?

Myself.

It would be embarrassing to have the
smoldering fire buried beneath that, uh, cool

exterior burst into full flame, wouldn't
it?

Or is it that you just don't know how to
kiss?

Very discerning of you.

Oh, I suppose you have been kissed.

By a great Uncle Willie on your 16th
birthday.

Or maybe some nasty little boy on a
Sunday.

Or maybe some nasty little boy on a
Sunday.

school picnic years ago. If it happened
right now, you'd faint. Come to think of it,

I'd faint. Very well, Mr. Petty. Get the
smelling salts ready. Hope I'm not

intruding. Uh, hello, officer. Afraid you
got the wrong impression. We were just

conducting a scientific experiment.

Yes. Fourteen years I've been patrolling
this highway. I've heard it called

everything but that. What's your name? Oh,
just call me George. Not yours. Yours.

Victoria? Victoria what?

Victoria Bramore.

Victoria Bramore?

Please, officer, it was all very innocent,
really.

And it could be terribly embarrassing.

Yes.

Well, this is disorderly conduct.

Yeah, I was merely trying to show her
that I could behave just like the rest of the

men around here.

Oh, an out-of-towner, huh?

Well, yes.

And you think we're all a pack of wolves
around here, huh?

Oh, no, quite the contrary.

I think you're a lot of cold fish.

I mean, I...

Let me see your driver's license.

Driver's license?

You know, you've heard of those things,
haven't you?

Yes, I have.

Driver's license.

See, I had it right here.

That's not it.

I had it right here somewhere.

It's funny, I must have...

What's that?

Oh, that's nothing.

I...

Patty McKenzie.

She... she's a cousin of mine.

We look exactly alike.

Sure, your cousin.

He thinks I'm a wolf and you think I'm a
jackass.

Victoria Braemore.

Thought maybe you'd scare me with that
name, huh?

Look, officer, can't we start from the
beginning again?

Yeah.

We're gonna start from the beginning
again.

Fine.

You see, I...

At the police station.

Oh.

I trust there's no need of my telling you
this is a sad and tragic morning for

Braemore, Victoria.

All the conduct such as this invariably
calls for immediate dismissal.

Do you have anything to say in your
defense?

Please speak up.

I know exactly what you're going to say.

You're going to say it was all an
innocent mistake.

Conduct of this kind is always a mistake.

It is seldom innocent.

I must warn you that any recurrence of
this scandalous behavior can mean nothing

but immediate severance of your
connection with the college.

Under the circumstances, I suggest you
don't attend your classes today.

That will be all.

I trust you haven't found us unduly clear.

There's nothing like talking things out.

Oh, Professor!

Go away!

I should think you'd be banned from
campus after last night.

Why should they ban a busboy named Andy
Tepp simply because a fellow called Petty

gets himself arrested with a pretty
professor?

Well, Evolving, turn down the shore road
quickly.

Precisely where I was heading.

After your harrowing experience last
night, I decided you needed some relaxation.

I've arranged a picnic on Echo Island.

Echo Island?

Yeah.

Well, that's worse than Inspiration Point.

Is it? Oh, that's fine.

I made some wonderful plans.

Go right into the sailboat, pick some
lunch.

Oh, yes, and I bought this for you.

There's Echo Island, way over there.

Oh, we'll make it in no time, the way I
sail.

Better give her the motor till you're
getting it clear.

Aye, aye, sir.

Hey, where are you?

Oh, brisky little thing, isn't it?

Get the control, quick!

Not much on motors, but you're in for a
nautical treat when we get under sail.

I can freeze the port.

That happens to be starboard.

Yeah, well, I'm left-handed.

Oh, yes, yes, good navigation. We're
right on course.

Just relax and enjoy yourself.

I should have worn my spiked shoes.

Clear the pulp deck.

You're going to see a display of the
seamanship that pulled us through at Medway.

Well, off we go.

Something.

Water's a little choppy, but I must have
lost my buddy.

You also...

Don't you think we'd better go back to
Just Motors?

Not while I'm in Japan.

No!

It's a good thing I am in Japan.

Sure!

Beautiful, beautiful.

When does the picnic begin?

Well, as soon as you get out of those
clothes and into that water for a cool,

refreshing dip.

You just get me right back on that boat.

Now, Victoria, you always take the wrong
slant on everything.

I brought bathing suits.

In fact, I'd like to sketch you in a
bathing suit.

If you think I'm going to pose for you in
any bathing suit...

Yes, Miss McKenzie?

You have...

Thank you.

I love you, and that's the truth. I want
you, and that's a fact. Why don't you? It

must be your charm that gets me cheaply.

Nope, I can't seem to get you. I mean the
youth who orders double scotch. Now, tell

you what, just relax a little.

Good thing I didn't say a lot. Now smile.

Sing, maybe that'll do it. Alright, then
I'll sing. Maybe that'll help.

I love you, indeed I do. I love you, and
that's for true. I want you, and that's a

fact. Why don't you get in the act?

It must be your charm that gets me
chiefly. Baby, I don't know, but briefly, I love

you. I surely do. Don't be a tease, ma'am.
Please, ma'am, won't you say I love you,

too?

My voice is slightly porous. Maybe you
should take a chorus. If you demand it, yes

sir, put me in the key, professor.

Uh-uh.

Not my key.

I love you.

Wrong harmony.

I think you're fresh.

I doubt it.

I think you're fresh.

You're cute and you're quaint to the
quintessence.

I could use longer phrases, but in
essence, I love you.

I surely do.

Don't be a tease, ma'am.

Please, ma'am.

Won't you say.

Can't you think of anything but food?

Not since the lunch basket went overboard.

Well, it's certainly not very feminine.

Well, I'm not the very feminine type.

Am I?

Well, am I?

Let's eat.

Now, let's see.

How do we work?

Oh, Ed, we just roll the hook in the
water and wait until the fish come knocking at

our door.

You don't think you'd be spoiling them if
you used a little bait?

Bait?

You know, worms.

Oh, you don't happen to have any handy,
do you?

You'll find all you want under those
rocks.

Well, what are we waiting for?

That one's beside.

Oh, come on. A two-year-old child could
push that over.

Well, you better get a two-year-old child,
because I can't budge it.

We better look around for one that's
ready to just fall over by itself.

Yeah. Well, I don't have that kind of
luck.

You see how wrong you can be?

And look at that worm.

Where?

Well, help yourself.

Uh-uh. This is your picnic.

And hurry before he gets away.

Yeah.

What'll I use?

Since the silver went over with the lunch.

I guess it's all right if you use your
hands.

My bare hand?

Gloves get so messy, sticking the worm on
the hook.

Well?

You sure it isn't a little snake?

Snake.

Could be sort of a midget, huh?

It's a worm, Mr. Petty.

A plain, ordinary little worm.

If it attacks you, I'll come to your aid.

Here.

Perhaps you'd like to club it to death
first.

You shouldn't put ideas like that in my
head.

Just because...

It's Dr. Whitman.

They're all geology class.

Think of it, I am.

It's up here in an hour.

What are you doing here?

I had a few hours, and I'd like to get
away by myself.

I see.

Well, this half of our group will explore
the east end of the island.

The rest will explore the west part.

If you search thoroughly, you will find
every species of rock formation we have

discussed.

You're not going to risk your lives for a
few stones and pebbles, are you?

Risk our lives?

Oh, the place is simply crawling with
snakes.

I just had a tussle with one myself.

Is she wearing that?

I always bring a spare.

Let's proceed.

We'll meet here in an hour.

Now, I thought I saw someone else here.

Someone else?

You must have been drinking, Professor.

Just a figure of speech.

The figure I saw here wasn't a figure of
speech.

Just to make sure she wasn't one of our
students.

Now, Professor, what would one of your
students be doing here?

I see what you mean.

Oh, Dr. Whitman, I wouldn't go into that
thicket if I were you.

I wasn't kidding about the snakes.

I'll tell you what, you stay here, and
I'll beat the bushes so nothing attacks you.

Professor, you're needlessly concerned.

The figure isn't a student.

Why is she hiding?

Why is she hiding?

That's a long story.

I have plenty of time.

Do you?

Well, you see, she comes from a very
strict background.

You know the type, don't you, Professor?

I can't say I do.

Of course.

And, well, you can understand.

How an innocent bit of fun could be
misinterpreted.

It could cause a scandal that could ruin
a young girl's life.

You were a young girl once, weren't you?

Weren't you?

Professor, look!

Don't worry, I have the situation under
control.

Yes, don't just stand there.

Don't worry, I'll untangle it before the
snakes arrive.

What happened?

A branch fell down.

Yes, I got it.

Well, what do you know?

A runaway boat.

Ha, ha. Isn't Professor Braymore coming
to dinner?

I had a trying day. Spent the morning at
the doctor's.

Oh, then I'll bring some dinner up to her.

Oh, no, no, no. She's not hungry.

Oh, she must be. She didn't have any
lunch either.

It's me, Randy Andy.

Oh, please go away.

I have food.

I brought lunch and dinner.

Oh, it's very kind of you.

Now, if you'd just be kind enough to get
out of my life.

But I haven't accomplished my mission yet.

Is it to get me dismissed?

Oh, quite the contrary.

It's to get you to quit.

Two parents could be tough enough on a
girl, but a whole flock of them.

It just ain't natural.

I know it's hard for you to believe, but
I like my parents.

All 12 of them.

And I like this place.

It's where I was born and brought up.

Didn't you ever hear of love?

This is my kind of life.

Love and marriage will have to be part of
it.

And that's what I figured.

Okay, I get...

But, Victoria, can I paint you before I
leave?

No, I couldn't go back to that island.

No, no, in my room. It's next to the
garage.

No, that's impossible.

Are you going to force me to wave that
certain newspaper clipping in your face

again?

You wouldn't.

No, I would like to paint you, though.

All right. Tonight at 8. Just one sitting.

If it takes all night. I'll have the
bathing suit ready.

You leave the bathing suit in the hall
closet. I'll put it on here.

It's very proper, but most unprofessional.

Well, have you seen enough?

Is this the best pose you could think of?

You, my girl, are posing for...

Cheesecake.

Cheesecake?

Yes, leg art.

Glorifying the female form divine.

Come here.

Is that me?

It's the you that I see.

Always on the phone making dates with me.

Well, I never thought of myself as...

Cheesecake?

That's what I've been trying to tell you.

But if you prefer to let yourself be
squeezed between the pages of a book until

you're stiff and dry...

Are you sure you're not better at this
sort of thing than you are at serious

painting?

Well, that's not what the boys at the
bank tell me.

But I'm glad you like it.

I do.

Very much.

It's yours.

Mine?

I won't need any reminder of the girl on
that campus.

You may.

Well, that's very kind of you, but...

Don't worry.

I'll wrap it and hide it in your closet.

Well, you've got to get some sleep and
I've got some back to you.

Goodbye.

And it's only in the interest of
discipline and a sense of propriety among our

students that I report this shameful
incident.

I have a feeling this is a matter for a
psychiatrist.

Obviously, something has snapped in the
child's brain.

Yes, something has snapped.

I should hate you, Professor Whitman, but
I don't.

I'm grateful to you.

You made it snap.

You made me realize what I really want.

Victoria, what?

Oh, you needn't worry about me, Dr. Webb.

I resign with thanks for everything.

You've been wonderful, all of you.

But having 12 parents, well, it just
ain't natural.

Besides, I'm in love.

I trust some of us still remember the
meaning of that word.

Victoria, congratulations, my dear.

Thank you.

Lots of luck.

Bless you, my.

Bye.

Lots of luck.

Yes, Mr. Uncle Ben.

Miss Braymore, I think perhaps I should
explain that...

That Uncle Ben is something of a nickname.

The name is Beardsley.

Beardsley.

Well, aren't you going to ask me in,
Uncle Ben?

Mr. Petty isn't home.

I'll wait.

I want to surprise him.

That's Mr. Petty's patroness, responsible
for his success.

Oh, so she's the one who's been
masterminding his career.

Mrs. Deslow likes her art highbrow.

And men?

Highbrow artists.

I think I'll have to meet her.

You will, I'm afraid. I expect.

She telephoned that she's on her way up.

She's up.

Hello, Beardley. Is Mr. Petty back yet?

Not yet. I don't believe it.

Good. I'm just off the plane from Paris,
and I want to surprise him.

Oh, he may be sometime.

He has a little matter to attend to.

So I see.

This is Mrs. Deslow, Dr. Braymore.

Doctor.

Veterinary?

Which doctor?

I suppose you came to sit for Mr. Petty.

No, I came to marry him.

Matter.

Well, thanks, Virgely. I forgot my key.

Surprise!

What?

George!

Connie!

Victoria!

Did I say, have you two met?

Head on.

Oh.

George, dear, I've got to run now.

I just dropped by to tell you that I'm
divorced.

Divorced?

Yes, I miss Manton again, and I have some
very exciting plans for your career.

Will you hear that, Victoria?

With the program I have in mind, I'll
have you with a master's in the museum of art.

Manton's daughter next to Whistler's
mother.

Pick me up in about an hour.

We'll talk about it at cocktails.

Fine, Connie, fine.

And, George, I let nothing, nobody stand
in my way.

You must be the same.

Oh, don't you worry about that.

I won't.

Nice to meet you.

Goodbye.

Bye, Connie.

Well, Professor, don't tell me there's
another convention.

I've come to get married.

You do want to marry me, don't you?

Do I want to?

Is it too soon?

Only for your ex, Mrs. Deslow.

Oh, those eyes are a little green.

And I have just the nails to match.

Good. I'm glad you're jealous.

Oh, darling.

And tomorrow we can sell those wonderful
paintings of yours.

You mean those cheesecakes?

Yeah.

You're no highbrow artist, darling.

We'll talk about it after the wedding,
dear.

We'll talk about it before the wedding.

That's not the kind of painting you
really want to do.

Well, what makes you say that?

Because when you painted me and didn't
have a phony snob of a patroness breathing

down your neck, you reverted to your
original style.

Yes, but that style wasn't the real me.

Of course it was.

It's just that you refused to see
yourself as honestly as you made me see myself.

Oh, but I am seeing myself honestly.

No, George.

All the time you were chasing me with
that talk about musty tombs and frustrations,

you were talking to yourself.

Now, look, Miss Amateur Analyst, you're
carrying jealousy a little too far.

I can't just throw my whole career in the
ash can.

It's the only career I ever had, and
believe it or not, I happen to be happy in my

work.

I had the same sickness, but you help me,
and I'll be right at your side helping

you.

Can't you see, darling?

I...

I love you too much to let you make a
fraud of yourself with this trash, trash!

Well, that's an interesting approach, I
must say, telling me my work's lousy,

discouraging me from trying to be a real
painter, and then calling it love. If

that's love, I'll take the nearest exit,
but George...

Virtually, we'll get you a cab.

Is Mr. Petty leaving?

To make plans for his hanging in the
Museum of Art.

Frankly, I'm a bit of a snob myself, but
I do detest them.

And if I could do anything to put a crimp
in that woman's plan...

All I'd have to do is smear Mr. Petty's
name with enough cheesecake, and she'd drop

him like a hot potato.

Quite, but the question is how.

Uncle Ben, I've got the answer.

Supplied by the ex-Mrs. Deslow herself.

Have you ever been arrested?

Not yet.

Good, then you'll get off lightly. Come
on.

May I ask where to?

To get the rest of my luggage and then to
the Museum of Art.

Museum of Art?

If things go well there, I'll probably
wind up in burlesque.

That's logical.

If you've come here to stop me...

Stop me? I came here to help you!

What a house! Catch up, don't you know
what for? Can't you see she's trying to get

dressed? Who's stopping her? Your own
lady, my colleague. Oh yeah, I can see the

resemblance. Uh, Dr. Crutcher, these
gentlemen are the producers of the show, and

you're sure putting it over too, kid!
Even standing room is sold out. Just coming

to tell your answer. Yeah, you better get
undressed.

I hate to close the showdown, but you
have to fight fire with fire and spite with

spite.

I slap her with this court order and
fight over just like that.

Well, let's get it done. I have to get to
Miss Madden's party. I'm the guest of

honor.

Sorry.

Good evening. We want to see Victoria
Braymore.

Who doesn't? The box office is around the
corner.

And they're all sold out, so it isn't
very important. You see, he's a process, sir.

Oh, a process driver.

And we got a special way of welcoming him,
process, sir.

Yes.

Is this the kind of welcome you always
get?

In this trade, there's one word we never
mention: process server.

Fine time to tell me.

But in this trade, there's one word we
always see. Where there's a window, there's

a way.

I could have sworn that was two words.

Come here.

They are, sir, after you.

I can't go crawling through cellar
windows.

I'm all dressed for Miss Matt.

You've got to point the dame out to me to
make sure I serve the right person.

In this trade, we always say...

Never mind.

That's all right. The tales will cover it.

Of course, that's what they're for.

This ought to lead someplace.

And now, ladies and gentlemen,
introducing the sensational quick-change artist,

Senya Chameleon, and his human waxwork.

So rapid are my changes that you will
think there are several characters on the

stage at the same time.

However, I assure you that I am the only
real-life person in the entire act.

Now, ladies and gentlemen, for my first
cheap-sitting bull.

Ladies and gentlemen, please. There has
been a big mistake. I can only hear. Please.

Ladies and gentlemen, please.

Where's Moody?

I'm Moody.

Oh.

Is this the one?

Oh, no, that's the one I wear in the
second act.

I think they'll find the other one in the..
.

Who are you?

Oh, so you don't remember me.

Don't tell me I've changed that.

You'll soon find out what in the world.

There's your party.

Well, who is he?

Who do you think I... Napoleon?

Yeah, who do you think he...

Who...

There you are, lady.

Come on, honey, you're on.

I know what...

Hey, come on.

You're too late.

The lady's been served.

That court order forbids Miss Braymore
from appearing publicly under the name of

the pettigirl.

You mean we gotta give back all that
dough?

You can't do this to us.

I don't have to.

That little paper's doing it.

And now, if you'll forgive me, I have an
engagement.

The ex-Mrs. Deslow has taken over the
entire royale roof for a party in my honor.

Au revoir.

Excuse me.

It's a good thing I got, Elsher's.

A thing like this could give me.

Oh, I'm awfully sorry.

Oh, that's all right.

It's not your fault.

I don't understand.

Why doesn't he want us to do it?

Because someone is trying to make him
snobbish...

Wait a minute.

This paper says I can't perform publicly
as the pettigirl.

Is a private party a public performance?

There's only one way to find out.

Could I borrow my music and costume for a
few hours?

You can borrow the scenery, the cast, and
the orchestra, for all the use they're

gonna be to us.

I think I will.

But we're friends of Mr. Petty's.

Then go in the front way.

We want to surprise him.

Sorry.

Oh, I had to get Mr. Petty a fresh suit.

Dr. Crutcher.

Benny!

Uncle Ben, you've just got to help us get
in here.

We have a surprise for Mr. Petty.

Oh, I'm afraid he's had too many
surprises.

And when he found out I had a hand in
that museum business, oh, no, no, I can't get

myself further involved.

Fine gratitude after getting me involved
that night.

Are you involved?

I don't seem to remember.

Just like a man, filling my head with
champagne and ideas, then tossing me aside

like an old bag.

A glove.

Well, let me warn you.

A woman scorned is a vessel of wrath.

Yes.

Please, let us not lose our tempers.

They're all right.

You can have them in.

Okay.

Oh, Uncle Ben, you're a doll.

George, this will get you lots of new
friends and lots of new connections.

Ladies and gentlemen, through the
courtesy of the Downtown Burlesque Theater, Mr.

George Petty has arranged to present in
person his creation and protégé, the Petty

Girls.

Over here, boys. Over here, boys.

Meet the cutest little girl of the year,
boys.

Take a look at the beauty on the
billboard.

Take a look at the pretty Petty Girls.

Show her drinking Coca-Cola in the
kitchen with a can of Mazzola.

Looking sweet by a new electric icebox.

All at once it becomes a pretty nice box.

Just a look.

When wintry January storms occur, with
Jack Frost nipping at our faces, a lady

should be covered up with fur, at least
in certain places.

Beware, beware the windy eyes of March
when it just seems to blow in batches.

And don't wear any dress with too much
starch because when it blows, it scratches.

There must be truth in what the poets say
About the origin of flowers You can't

expect the ones that bloom in May Without
some April showers The June bride used to

turn a telltale pink When all those
people started kissing Today the kissing is the

same, I think Except the blush is missing
Yes

Hark, hark, I seem to hear September call.

In fact, I hear it fairly bawling.

The leaves start falling in the early
fall.

And that ain't all that's falling.

The winter season isn't really born till
old December comes a-knocking.

Suppose you rubbed your eyes on Christmas
morn and found this in your stocking.

George, I've been thinking about what you
said that morning.

I want you to handle all the artwork on
my new car.

Father, you know very well George isn't
doing that sort of thing anymore.

Connie, why must you always remake every
man you take a shine to?

Bundy was just a fiddler in a Hungarian
restaurant.

She had to make him a symphony conductor.

Ronnie was a radio crew.

She had to push, and I mean push him into
Grand Opelie.

Make a long hair out of him.

She's made a long hair out of you, too.

I've heard about enough.

So have I.

George, where are you going?

To get a haircut.

You have seen the girl for every month of
the year.

Now we'll give you the girl for every day
of the year.

Shapely, curvaceous, and my goodness
gracious.

In the flesh, she's the lady who is known
as a petty girl.