Original subtitles

Previously on Resident Alien...

I killed him. How do I live with myself?

Nobody else knew about our meet up.

The men in black took Dr. Ethan.

I thought that would make you change.

As soon as they figure out he's human,

they'll know the alien is still in Patience.

The alien baby has not returned.

I need to find it so I can get the rest of Goliath's message.

An alien!

The ball is the only thing that could've saved your life.

There has to be a mole.

Congratulations, we're on the same side now.

Burger. Oh. Thank you.

What do you have for me on our mole?

Nothing yet.

Well, you better find him,

because whoever it is wants that ball

and will happily kill both of us for it.

You gotta help me. I shouldn't be in here.

Don't touch me.

We have something happening here.

I'm not an alien.

The aliens are the ones who took me.

They know not to touch the guards.

It's nothing. Keep looking.

MAN 1 : You remember. You're not supposed to remember.

MAN 2: You're one of them.

You want to stay alive,

don't forget you belong to us.

Hey. Hey.

Did you hear about Gerard?

Ugh, yeah.

It's really sad. He was such a nice man.

He left this cashmere scarf here

last time he was in.

Okay. Um, we have his niece's address,

so we can send it to...

No. Absolutely not.

Fine. I'll cold-neck it.

But it's on you if I get the flu.

It's coming on.

I may not be in tomorrow.

I would not mind that.

Did you hear what I said, ASTA?

Mm.

I said,

"I would not mind that,"

if she does not come in.

That was funny. Uh, yup.

Uh, Gerard Hundemer died last night.

The death certificate's on your desk. You have to sign it.

He was riddled with disease,

and his breath smelled like an open grave,

but I am surprised.

I am not surprised,

because I am the one who killed him last night.

I did not mind Gerard.

He liked me and said I could have his refrigerator milk after he was dead.

I also took one of his hats.

I am going to look for the alien baby later if you want to come.

We can get some of those pretzels that you like.

No, thanks.

Why is she not looking at me?

Are you angry at the pretzels...

Or at me?

I'm fine.

She does not seem fine.

I miss happy, smiley ASTA.

That one did not live very long.

Coffee?

Honey, I can't have caffeine. I'm pregnant.

I'll just have an herbal tea. Lucky me.

Hey. I just signed up for band at school.

Really?

I didn't know you wanted to play an instrument.

That's great, bud.

Yeah, I'm playing the drums.

The music store is delivering the drum set here tomorrow.

You have to call them to pay for it.

Oh, honey, I don't think so.

Yeah, buddy, we're not buying you a drum set.

We can't have noise like that in the house.

Why not? Well, because...

you are about to get a little...

I'm about to get a little what?

You're about to get a little visit

from Cousin Frank.

And Frank doesn't like loud noises.

I thought Cousin Frank died in that boating accident on Nantucket.

He did.

But they found him on the beach, living on fish and coconuts.

They're calling it a miracle.

There are coconuts in Nantucket?

That was part of the miracle.

I can't believe Cousin Frank's alive!

I'm gonna go write him a letter.

Honey? Yup.

You know you're not supposed to tell anyone

about a pregnancy this early.

I did not know that.

I think you did. Well, it sounds familiar.

I thought it was, uh, Cousin Andrew

who died on the boat.

Cousin Andrew had dinner with us two months ago.

Oh. You have too many cousins.

I do not know why ASTA is not talking to me.

Maybe she is jealous

because I can control my emotions now.

Dickhead spiders.

Sometimes humans are quiet when they are upset.

But ASTA cannot be upset.

I have not even told her about the evil alien race

that is hiding here on Earth.

I need to find this baby

so I can get the rest of Goliath's message.

The three pads my people have on each foot

will make this alien easy to track.

Unless...

Unless the baby has taken human form

and for some reason put on a pair of small shoes.

This is a human hybrid.

It must have an innate knowledge

of how to fit in here on Earth...

Which means this hybrid baby must be very intelligent.

This is a flower.

Baby pooping.

No! Please don't go in your pants again.

I can't stand the smell in here.

And I've sprayed, like, all my perfume bottles.

They're... They're done, okay?

So can you go outside behind a tree?

Done pooping.

She was just sitting there waiting for me.

My God, poor Jay.

Yeah, it was awful.

She came up to me on the street.

She was so upset, and she has every right to be.

I missed her birthday.

I keep messing things up with Jay over and over again.

I am a horrible person.

Okay, no. You are not a horrible person.

You are incredible.

You are loving and kind and thoughtful.

And you were just distracted because you had to kill a guy

and bury his body.

Which was really awful.

Oh, are you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Really?

I'm... not great.

Elliot... and I had sex.

Wha...

Oh. Oh, God. Was it bad?

No. No, it was really good.

It was...

It's always the quiet ones.

Oh.

I guess it's just like, here I go again,

dragging another guy into my mess.

Except this time, the mess isn't me sleeping at The 59.

It's hiding dead bodies.

Okay, you're not dragging him into anything.

He chased you.

I know, but I'm like one of those condemned buildings

that doesn't have a sign outside that says, "Unsafe,"

just filled with asbestos.

And it's not gonna kill you right away,

but it'll take years off your life.

That's this guy.

I'm sorry.

I really thought you were okay.

It was easier when it was just my stuff.

You know, and now it's...

Elliot's becoming a thing, I don't know.

Yeah. I gotta go to the gym.

I'm sorry, D'Arce.

Hey.

He was a bad guy, right?

He deserved it.

Yeah. Yeah.

Hey.

If you see Harry, tell him he owes me for a pie.

He forgot to pay last night.

You know, contrary to popular belief, Dad,

Harry and I are not Bert and Ernie.

You should collect from him yourself.

Sorry I asked.

No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I just need space from him.

Being friends with Harry is like...

it's like raising a child who lies and tells secrets

and has weird alien powers.

Okay.

Why don't you tell me what's going on?

You look like you got the weight of the world on your shoulders.

No, thanks.

Um...

I can deal with it.

Next time Harry comes in,

you want me to send him home without any supper?

No, he's, like, responsible for half your sales.

You can take his money.

I just don't want him taking any more of my time.

How you doing, ASTA?

I'm Detective Torres, Jessup PD.

Some of my people found Sam Hodges's medical files

in the back of our victim's car. Oh.

We were trying to figure out if there was a connection.

Did you ever see Sam with the victim?

Have you ever seen the two of them together?

That seems very similar to the question I asked.

Do you remember his face from anywhere?

I... I never saw him before the autopsy.

Sure about that?

'Cause I'm pretty good at reading faces,

and I think I saw a flash of recognition there.

I took a facial recognition course.

I got a perfect score even though

I had to take the test when I had pink eye.

All right, look, here's the deal.

All these records are of Sam's patients.

Do you see anything there that connects them?

These people are all from town,

but I don't know them well.

They barely came to the clinic.

They're all Sam's house calls.

All right, well, if you do remember anything,

you know how to get a hold of us. You got it.

Well, "us" includes me, if that wasn't clear.

I do not know which human the alien baby turned into.

I have been looking at feet all day,

looking for a shoe match, and have learned nothing,

except that if you search the internet

for someone with small feet,

you get so many naked people emails

that your computer stops working.

Mm.

But there is another tool I can use to find an alien.

And his chicken ass just walked through the door.

I have a secret.

There is another alien in Patience.

What? That's crazy.

Yes. Yes.

I need you to look for it.

It is disguised as a human with small feet,

but you will be able to see its alien face.

I'll do it if you give me your milkshake.

What kind of...

No aliens. I'm keeping the milkshake.

No, I need you to help me search the town.

Looking for an alien seems like a lot of work for my eyes.

But I'll do it...

...if you buy me a drum set.

No, that is too expensive.

On Law & Order, a generous older gentleman

went to jail just for buying

a young boy a camera and a chicken sandwich.

What if you pay me to do chores?

I like this compromise.

He gets money and I get an alien

and someone to clean bird shit off my deck.

Okay.

We have a deal?

Deal.

Ugh.

Can't get a decent bagel in this damn town.

That's the one thing I miss about DC, the food.

Hell, last week, I was halfway through a Rocky Mountain oyster

before realizing I was eating a bull nut.

I didn't even know to be on the lookout for that.

Nobody ever told me,

"Someday, somebody gonna put something on your plate

"and you gonna think it's food,

"and it's actually gonna be a bull nut."

Did you want me to get you the corn dog from the kids' menu

at the diner?

No, I only order that 'cause it comes with a free coloring book.

I've already done all the pictures.

Guess what.

This wallet was found this morning

on a street a few miles outside of Patience.

Belongs to Vincent Grillo.

Isn't that one of our hit men?

Damn right, it is.

Nobody drops a wallet from a car either,

so that means they're probably on foot.

They could still be in town.

Oh, Jesus Christ, this thing smells

like it was puked out of an ass factory.

Where exactly did you find that?

Old Mill Road near Ridgeview.

Yeah. We used to go hiking there in high school.

Sir, that trail system would be a perfect place for someone to hide.

Wait a second, if it's a great place to hide,

maybe that's where our hit men are.

That's a brilliant idea, Detective.

Yeah. Pure genius.

The human race would be much more productive

if they made children work.

Even a baby can be hired to lie on your papers

so they do not blow off your desk.

Yes.

I do not feel a thing.

It's on the highest setting.

Yeah, that's good.

I like... I like that.

Do these guys ever move?

Not since we found them in that New Mexico warehouse last spring.

Still don't know how Ethan did that to them.

Yeah. I've been wondering about that, too.

Here, look at this.

He's writing in his alien language.

No, that's a crossword puzzle.

He's made a bunch of them.

It's a coping tool that people in captivity use.

Maybe aliens like crossword puzzles.

Yeah, maybe. But this isn't the only thing.

Look, I've been tracking events and...

I've been tracking internet chatter of some events in Patience, Colorado,

since we took the doctor.

Unexplained power surge,

blip detected at the Ute Reservation a half hour away,

woman posted a UAP video,

octopus stolen from a Japanese restaurant...

which probably isn't related but sure is weird.

Your point?

I don't think this guy's an alien.

I think the real alien might still be in Patience.

Max.

Max!

Isn't it cool?

Where did you get this?

The music store. They delivered it while you were on the treadmill.

Didn't you hear them come in? No, I did not.

You should turn your music down lower.

Loud sounds are bad for your ears.

Max. Max!

We told you that you could not have a drum set.

No, you said you wouldn't pay for it,

so I paid for it myself with the money I made from my job.

What job?

Excuse me, did you give my son money?

Yes. What is the problem?

Were the bills not ironed well enough?

I will speak to him.

Uh, the problem is,

there is now a drum set in my living room.

That is only a problem if you do not like the pounding of drums.

I don't. Then that's a problem.

Mm-hmm. I gave him money for chores.

What? Why am I just now hearing about this?

ASTA, did you know about this?

Max doing chores for Harry?

Yes, she knew. No, I didn't.

No, she didn't.

I'm sure there's a perfectly logical explanation,

isn't there, Harry?

The truth is, he told me that you knew.

He even said that it was your idea.

What? He said that? Yes.

He called me.

He told me you wanted him to come work for me

to pay for the drum set because...

you're poor.

Well, that is not true.

Do not be ashamed of being poor.

You can sell the drums and buy food.

We are not poor, okay?

I mean, there's nothing wrong with being poor.

It's fine to be poor. Well, it's not fine.

There's a whole terrible class system

that puts... Listen.

Max lied to you is the point, okay?

I cannot believe he said that.

He even said that the purple workout shirt

you have with the zipper on it...

said it was ugly.

Okay.

Well, next time, could you please check in with us first?

I mean, we can't even get him to clean our own house.

Probably because you don't pay him enough...

because you're poor.

You get that straightened out?

Yeah, I'm just apparently dealing with a child who has honesty issues.

I get that.

Hey, you know, I'm glad I ran into you.

You remember that whole "I'm pregnant" thing

from the party? Yeah.

Yeah. I just need to be sure

that it wasn't a false positive.

Can you give me a blood test?

Yeah, come on.

Baby, see how I been living

Velvet curtains on the windows to

Keep the bright and unforgiving

Light from shining through

Good, nice calm upper body. I like that.

Another great run.

You still got it, Coach.

What the hell?

It's the ghost of D'Arcy Bloom.

Nice to see you. I keep missing you at Thanksgiving.

Susan keeps making that cranberry pie you love

in case you show up.

I don't like for people to make a big fuss about me.

D'Arcy Bloom! In the flesh.

I have a poster of you in my bedroom.

She's obsessed with you. She's seen all your videos,

like, a million times on YouTube.

Dude, shut up.

No, no, no. Do not shut up. Keep it coming.

Okay, time to head back up there.

Can we get a photo with you? Hell yeah, let's do it.

Come on. Okay.

Say "cheese!"

Nice. Thank you!

You're welcome. Thanks so much.

Thank you. Now, get out of here.

Bye.

"Say 'cheese"'? Such a dad move.

Such a kid move only texting me,

what, three times a year?

To be fair, that's more than I text my actual parents.

Yeah. I know you're busy.

I mean, not really.

Maybe that's the problem.

Who said there was a problem?

You, when you showed up here instead of just texting me.

I don't know.

Got a lot going on, I guess, and...

I don't really know where to start,

so I just came up here to clear my head.

You remember when we first met?

I gave you a whole bunch of stuff to work on.

It was a disaster.

You got your head all turned around.

But then we pared it down to just one thing:

keep your tips on the snow run after run, that's right.

And you did! And then you'd work on the next thing

until you got that, too.

Eventually, you had the fastest zipper line in the country.

And then I fell. Everyone falls.

Question is, then what?

You know, the Hardpack Tournament's coming up.

No, it's been way too long.

Never too late for a comeback.

Maybe you just need to find that one thing to focus on

and then the rest will follow.

Okay, nice.

Nice calm upper body, but I need you to keep

those knees good and tight, all right? Let's try it again.

I got in trouble for being your butler, you know.

I shouldn't even be helping you anymore.

Have Ms. Twelvetrees help you.

ASTA isn't talking to me right now.

Oh!

What about that funny girl?

She's walking on those stick legs.

Nope.

But you didn't even look.

Don't need to. If it's a girl, it's not him.

How do you know it is a him?

I didn't say "him." I said "shepherd's pie."

Oh, that is a terrible lie.

They do not even sound alike.

And shepherd's pie, that is... it's not a pie.

It should be called shepherd's meat vomit.

Fine, I lied.

But I promised Sahar I wouldn't tell.

She's my friend.

Well, what about me? I am your friend.

You don't treat me like I'm your friend.

You are not my friend.

I am your friend. See? There's a difference.

Sahar's my best friend.

Well, if Sahar is your friend, then you should want to protect her.

That baby eats meat.

And even though your best friend

is mostly gristle, she will still be tasty.

You need to tell me where she is right now.

Jesus.

You people are crazy.

Don't do anything stupid.

I just want to give you this.

It's alien technology.

I need you to tell me how your people use this.

Stay back.

This is an alien laser.

Don't move, or I will blast you.

Shit.

You really are just a stupid human.

That's a pool ball.

This...

is alien technology.

Don't let go of it.

What the hell?

I guess it works for everyone.

How did I live?

You may be worthless,

but this is not.

Hey, Liv. How you doing?

So I've been looking at these medical records.

I was thinking of talking to the families of the deceased.

Maybe they can shed some light on it.

Yeah, um, that makes sense.

The problem is,

if I pull them into the station, they may clam up.

You're a nurse.

They may feel more comfortable with you.

Maybe we could talk to them together.

Here, where they feel more safe.

Oh.

I don't know.

Do you remember my Aunt Cathy

who passed away about ten years ago?

Yeah, of course. You guys were really close, right?

Yeah.

If something nefarious led to her death, I'd want to know.

These people's families deserve to know.

Maybe this guy had something to do with Sam's death.

Maybe we can find out what and why.

Give me those.

Think Cletus got an advantage.

His stubby legs keeps his nose close to the ground.

May not even need the dogs.

Way that wallet smelled,

I'd probably be able to sniff them out myself.

Yeah, we'll find it.

Name of the game is determination.

You search hard enough for long enough, you always find it.

Seems like you were born for this work.

Makes me wonder how a city cop ended up in the Colorado woods.

What, you sniffing down a new trail now, Detective?

Better be careful. You're not the only one who's determined.

Yeah, I'm a long way from home.

Being in these woods of Patience is a far cry

from chasing diamond thieves off of bridges.

Whoa.

No way, that was you?

I read about that, cop jumps in the water,

recovers millions in diamonds.

You're the DC Merman?

Well, it was Mer-Mike through the department, yeah.

But I snatched the diamonds right off him mid-swim.

Oh.

He's got a scent.

You got something, boy? Where're you going?

Oh, yeah, there he go. Go on, boy.

Can you tell us why Sam was treating your mother?

Diabetes, asthma, herniated disk,

and she had this weird nerve thing.

It made her hand look like this...

I remember your dad.

He had that panel van with the painting on the side.

Neptune, god of the sea.

He used to take us fishing every weekend on Hawthorne Creek.

Uncle Rick was in a ton of pain.

It was colon cancer, so they had to take out all his plumbing.

By the end, he was just skin and bones.

Not that it looks bad on you.

You're skin and bones and you're cute.

And, uh, cancer, course. Pancreatic.

Uncle Rick used to take us to the creek and we'd catch frogs.

And we'd race 'em, but we'd never eat them.

Only sometimes.

And she had this rash, wouldn't go away.

Made her hand look like a pizza.

So this... but a pizza.

He just... he never got to meet Kevin, you know, before he died.

And he really loved animals.

Not that you're an animal.

No. You're a baby.

You're a human skin baby.

Screw cancer. You know?

But you're not gonna get cancer, are you?

No, because we put lotion on your body.

Gotta protect your little baby pinky skin.

Oh, that feels so good.

Oh, that feels so good for your belly.

Do you recognize this man?

No. Nope.

Kevin! This is for your health. Kevin.

Did you notice they each mentioned spending time at Hawthorne Creek?

Yeah. And everyone had a rash on either their hand or feet.

Look, cancer, kidneys, nerve issue, rash.

Heavy metal poisoning could do that.

Poison in the water at Hawthorne Creek.

Yeah. And someone was covering it up.

How did he get in here?

There you are, you sneaky little ninja boy.

Come on, we gotta get your coat on.

Come here, get it on.

'Cause you're just a little skin baby

I mean, how do you say no

to this little baby angel face?

You are so heavy.

See you guys.

Bye.

Where is this stupid hideout of yours?

We have been on this path for 20 minutes.

The RV is deep in the forest.

RV, that stands for recreational vehicle that you drive.

Why did you not tell me? I own a truck.

It's a fun walk.

See? The police like it, too.

What are they doing here?

Looks like they're heading to the RV.

I thought RV stood for "real big van."

Your skull is very hollow.

Good. Helps me run faster.

We need to keep them from finding the alien baby.

I will distract the wolves with a special call

that confuses the brains of intelligent animals.

Also stupid humans. You should cover your ears.

Oh.

Where's he going? What are they doing?

Maybe the wind shifted. All right, come on, Cletus. Whoa.

Cool.

I didn't know you could control animals.

Yes, it is more than "cool."

It is just another example

that my people are far more advanced than...

What was that?

A... bird that was...

confused by my call.

Whoa.

Bird attack!

Wait! Bird attack! Son of a bitch!

Take the little one!

Now, this is a female pinecone.

Yes, there's a difference.

That baby belongs to me!

The only surprise is, I'm somehow disappointed in you.

I should have expected less. I'm sorry.

I thought it was, like, gonna eat your face off or something.

Why is he dressed like a sad bear?

His diaper doesn't fit in pants.

Come to me.

Baby, remember what I told you.

Don't go anywhere with strange men.

Baby.

No!

Baby, come back, please.

Remember what I taught you.

Stay with me.

See? He feels safe with me.

He is safer with me.

Do not talk to me like that.

I will send you to the ice wind desert

for two weeks with no food.

The cold will creep upon your body

to steal your life.

Resources are scarce.

The only thing to drink will be

the blood of your siblings that you have killed

to maintain dominance.

Doesn't sound safe.

Run, baby!

And remember, look both ways when crossing the street.

Shit, shit, shit.

Shit.

What the hell?

Ugh.

Damn it.

You know what a best friend is?

It's someone you feel comfortable telling anything to,

that you can share the biggest secrets with.

I said I'm sorry, okay?

See what you did?

Now the baby's gone and Sahar doesn't like me.

This is why you have no friends.

I do, too.

Uh... ASTA is my friend.

No, she's not. She won't even talk to you.

Hmm.

And now Sahar won't talk to me.

Yes, I will.

You made a mistake, but friends also forgive.

Plus, it's against my religion to hold a grudge.

Come inside.

Harry can stay out here with all his friends.

I am going to find the baby and teach it to poop on your doorstep.

Are they right?

Is this why ASTA won't talk to me?

Because I'm a bad friend?

You can go now, bad alien!

You are the one stealing babies.

Plenty of evidence to suggest

that there's hazardous water at Hawthorne Creek

and some kind of cover-up happening.

Now we just have to figure out how Corrington was involved.

Impressive, using small-town connections to dig up information,

just friends gossiping with friends.

Or, "Good police work, Deputy."

You're right. Good police work, Deputy.

Thanks. You did better than we did.

Old Cletus here, he struck out.

No offense there, boy.

Although he did do 8,821 steps today.

I got him a Fitbit for his birthday and I put it in his collar.

Although the real number is double that 'cause, you know, he got four legs.

Although you gotta subtract, like, 200 'cause his little nub tail,

that helps keep him balanced, right?

And I don't want to give him credit for that.

Dog fitness has come a long way.

Oh, yeah. Anyways, good day today, Detective.

Guess we can talk about that Hawthorne Creek situation tomorrow.

Actually, um, I'm free to talk now.

We could grab a bite if you want. I'm starving.

I could go for some food. But I'm buying.

It's the least I can do after you shared your water

with Cletus on the trail today.

I hate seeing that little man panting like that.

Couldn't help but notice the big man was panting

a little bit, too. That's just how I hydrate.

See, I got the ability to pull moisture directly out of the air into my mouth.

Oh, yeah? Is that one of Mer-Mike's superpowers?

One of Mer-Mike's many superpowers, not just one.

I got a whole bunch of them.

I've been like a super...

I'm like the guy that they come to sometimes

to find new superpowers.

Your dad was flirting.

Dad, can I talk to you for a second?

In a minute, sweetie, I'm in the middle of a...

Everybody out!

Seems like you were protecting Harry.

You saved his life.

I know.

This guy is just responsible for Sam's death

and somehow involved in the deaths of some other people in town.

He's obviously a bad guy,

but I feel horrible.

So horrible, I can't function, Dad.

I mean, how am I supposed to get through this?

You know, I don't talk much about the war, but...

we all left a piece of ourselves over there.

I killed people.

I'm not proud of it, but I had to.

That's what I was trained for.

And they trained us to do it over and over and over again

without feeling anything.

You took someone's life.

Doesn't matter if doing it saved the lives of 100 people.

It's supposed to feel bad.

It means you have compassion and empathy.

You still have your soul.

I'm really glad I told you.

I was afraid to.

It's a gift to share something hard with someone you love.

Means you care about them enough to let them help you.

Hmm.

I can't go on like this forever.

You won't. Now that you've told me...

I'll carry that guilt, some of it.

It'll be a little less for each of us if we share the weight.

Thanks, Dad.

Your provisions.

Still nothing on the mole.

Listen, I have to go on a solo mission.

And you were right about Ethan.

He's not an alien.

I was afraid of that. Wait.

You didn't kill him, did you?

Of course not.

We're not monsters.

Take your medicine.

You'll be all right.

Hey, hon. Hey.

I, uh... I got your message.

Is, um, everything okay?

We need to talk about something.

I took a blood test today.

Oh, the... The pregnancy. Mm-hmm.

Wow. Yeah, um, can you... tell the sex yet?

I mean, I'm fine with anything. Maybe a girl?

Probably would smell better than Max.

It's... It's not that.

I'm not pregnant. What?

Uh... Are you sure?

I'm sure. I'm so sorry, honey.

I know how much you wanted to have another baby.

I just want to be here for you.

Yeah. 'Cause I know it's a loss. It's...

It's sad.

Mm-hmm. Pitcher of margaritas.

I know you said you only wanted one,

but you also said you're celebrating, so...

Oh, uh... Sad people don't usually celebrate.

Well, I'm sad for you.

But you're also happy.

No. I think it just seemed happy in... yeah, in comparison.

You know, because you are so sad about not having a baby.

Wouldn't count on it.

But of course, you know, I want a baby.

Uh...

But, you know, not having to wake up

at 3:00 in the morning, it's not too bad.

No, of course. I want a baby, too.

It's just not the end of the world

not to have to give up sushi for nine months.

Sushi, yeah.

I'm kind of happy. Me, too.

Oh, my God. Right?

Thank God.

A toast... Yes.

To not having kids. We have one.

Eh, let's pretend.

The Hardpack Tournament?

My God, we used to watch that on TV.

Can you do it? I don't know. It's a lot.

I have to get back in shape. Like, really in shape.

No more drinking. Mm.

Unless, of course, you want to toast me for my bravery

in returning to skiing.

No, we don't have... To my comeback.

Oh. Hello.

I've been looking for you everywhere.

I need to talk to you.

I do not need to talk to you.

Your mom needs to talk to me. God.

I know you work with him and everything,

but what do you even talk about?

Nothing, except the fate of the entire world.

Okay, Harry, what's going on?

I need to tell you something,

and you're not going to like it.

Let me guess, you sideswiped my car again?

That... would be funny. I wish.

The reason my people are not coming here

is because another alien race is already here on Earth.

I do not know who they are or what they are doing here.

It's dangerous. How do you know this?

It was part of Goliath's alien baby message

the night of the party.

Why didn't you tell me then?

Because I'm a bad friend.

Oh...

Oh. Harry.

But I want to be a good friend.

I feel better now.

We're in danger. Okay.

Well, that is not good news, but I'm used to it.

So thank you for sharing that with me.

I know that was hard for you.

Yeah.

Friends tell each other the truth.

They trust each other.

Yes, they do.

We'll deal with it together.

Okay?

Humans have discovered there is strength in numbers.

But maybe the strongest thing in their life

is the person they are closest to.

Everybody needs a friend,

especially when they are in danger.

Hey.

Is this a place where a gal can get a shot of Jeremiah Weed?

Well, if you want hair on your chest.