Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,628 --> 00:00:06,006
"It seems today that all you see
2
00:00:06,048 --> 00:00:09,259
"is violence in movies and sex on TV
3
00:00:09,301 --> 00:00:12,846
"But where are those good,
old-fashioned values
4
00:00:12,888 --> 00:00:16,016
"on which we used to rely?
5
00:00:16,099 --> 00:00:19,019
"Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:19,311 --> 00:00:22,773
"Lucky there's a man who'll
positively tell you
7
00:00:22,814 --> 00:00:24,483
"all the things that make us
8
00:00:24,525 --> 00:00:25,984
"laugh 'n' cry
9
00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:31,114
"He's a family guy"
10
00:00:35,327 --> 00:00:38,163
Everything's all set
for Stewie's birthday party.
11
00:00:38,205 --> 00:00:40,457
I can't believe he's almost a year old.
12
00:00:40,499 --> 00:00:42,793
Yeah. I'll never forget the day he was born.
13
00:00:43,919 --> 00:00:45,087
One more push, Lois.
14
00:00:45,921 --> 00:00:48,966
This is a miracle, Mr. Griffin.
Would you like to see?
15
00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:52,052
Yeah, I've never actually seen
a baby being... Oh, God!
16
00:00:52,719 --> 00:00:54,805
Congratulations. It's a boy.
17
00:00:54,847 --> 00:00:57,349
Wait a minute.
I don't think we're through.
18
00:00:57,391 --> 00:00:59,184
Oh, my God! Is it twins?
19
00:00:59,226 --> 00:01:01,728
No. It's a map of Europe.
20
00:01:04,314 --> 00:01:07,025
I confirmed everything
with the birthday party planner...
21
00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:08,151
...at Cheesie Charlie's.
22
00:01:08,235 --> 00:01:10,779
- Why Cheesie Charlie's?
- It's cool, Dad.
23
00:01:10,821 --> 00:01:14,992
They have this game where you put in
a dollar and you win four quarters!
24
00:01:15,033 --> 00:01:17,452
I win every time! I get to go, right?
25
00:01:17,494 --> 00:01:20,205
Why can't we have
the same kind of party we always do?
26
00:01:20,247 --> 00:01:22,791
Peter, this could be
our last first birthday ever.
27
00:01:22,833 --> 00:01:27,004
When Meg and Chris turned one,
I had so much to do, I missed everything.
28
00:01:35,512 --> 00:01:38,432
Lois, you won't believe this!
Meg just said "Da-Da!"
29
00:01:38,473 --> 00:01:39,683
Her first words?
30
00:01:39,725 --> 00:01:42,227
Then she stood up by herself
and started walking!
31
00:01:42,269 --> 00:01:44,479
- Her first steps?
- Yeah.
32
00:01:44,521 --> 00:01:46,732
What the hell are you doing
in here anyway?
33
00:01:49,526 --> 00:01:51,945
All right! Her first drum solo.
34
00:01:53,322 --> 00:01:54,781
Thanks to Cheesie Charlie...
35
00:01:54,907 --> 00:01:57,409
...I'm not gonna miss a moment
of Stewie's party.
36
00:01:57,534 --> 00:02:01,705
I say, am I to spend the entire day
wallowing around in my own feces?
37
00:02:01,747 --> 00:02:02,956
A little service here!
38
00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:05,751
Hey, Stinky.
Have we got some big plans for you.
39
00:02:05,792 --> 00:02:08,420
Plans? What the devil
are you talking about?
40
00:02:08,462 --> 00:02:10,088
It's your birthday, dude.
41
00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:12,382
Saturday's gonna be real special, honey.
42
00:02:12,424 --> 00:02:15,761
I've hired a professional
to make sure everything goes just right.
43
00:02:15,802 --> 00:02:18,639
A professional? There's treachery afoot!
44
00:02:25,729 --> 00:02:27,064
Meg, you're home late.
45
00:02:27,105 --> 00:02:30,234
I stayed after school
to try out for cheerleading.
46
00:02:31,652 --> 00:02:33,820
Don't keep me in suspense.
How'd you do?
47
00:02:33,862 --> 00:02:35,280
I'll give you a hint.
48
00:02:35,322 --> 00:02:38,575
I S-U-C-K-E-D! Sucked!
49
00:02:38,617 --> 00:02:39,576
Yay!
50
00:02:40,118 --> 00:02:41,787
I mean, sorry, honey.
51
00:02:41,828 --> 00:02:45,165
God, I hate high school.
I don't fit in with anyone.
52
00:02:45,207 --> 00:02:46,792
Boy. Do I know that feeling.
53
00:02:53,048 --> 00:02:55,634
Okay, man. Okay.
You are really throwing me off.
54
00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:57,803
It's step-kick, step-twirl. Got it?
55
00:02:57,845 --> 00:03:00,556
I thought we were gonna rumble
with those greasy Sharks.
56
00:03:00,639 --> 00:03:04,101
Not without seven years of ballet
and two of jazz tap, we're not.
57
00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:07,604
From the top, people!
Why don't you just hang back and stretch?
58
00:03:08,230 --> 00:03:09,273
I don't get it.
59
00:03:09,314 --> 00:03:12,150
The more I try to make friends,
the more people hate me.
60
00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:14,987
Listen. You're a one-of-a-kind girl
with a mind of her own.
61
00:03:15,028 --> 00:03:17,197
- Now, see, that's what people hate.
- Really?
62
00:03:17,239 --> 00:03:21,076
I'm telling you, just be the girl
you think everyone else wants you to be.
63
00:03:21,118 --> 00:03:22,911
Wow, it's so obvious.
64
00:03:23,453 --> 00:03:24,997
Thanks, Daddy.
65
00:03:25,455 --> 00:03:26,582
Hi, Mom. Bye, Mom.
66
00:03:26,665 --> 00:03:29,877
I haven't seen Meg this happy
since that bus broke down...
67
00:03:29,918 --> 00:03:31,295
...in front of our house.
68
00:03:35,340 --> 00:03:36,675
Hi. Can we use your phone?
69
00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:39,011
Holy crap! It's The Children of the Corn!
70
00:03:41,263 --> 00:03:45,017
- Meg and I had a little father-daughter talk.
- It seems to have worked.
71
00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:47,978
I wasn't just blowing smoke
when I bought this T-shirt.
72
00:03:48,020 --> 00:03:50,189
Well, you're the number-one husband, too.
73
00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:52,316
I know. That's why I bought this T-shirt.
74
00:03:55,861 --> 00:03:56,904
"Dear Diary...
75
00:03:56,945 --> 00:04:00,073
"It seems the domestic overseers
are plotting against me.
76
00:04:00,115 --> 00:04:03,869
"Their plans somehow relate to the
anniversary of my escape from the womb.
77
00:04:04,036 --> 00:04:07,164
"I'm still haunted by the memories
of how I was incarcerated...
78
00:04:07,206 --> 00:04:08,916
"... in that amniotic Attica.
79
00:04:11,335 --> 00:04:13,962
"As I recall,
it was every potential man for himself.
80
00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:37,903
"I alone had reached the target objective,
thanks to the intrepidity...
81
00:04:37,945 --> 00:04:41,698
"... I developed at testicular boot camp.
But it was a trap!
82
00:04:42,324 --> 00:04:45,869
"I was imprisoned in that uterine gulag
for nine grueling months. "
83
00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:50,624
Day 171. I've sprouted another finger,
counting the one from yesterday.
84
00:04:50,916 --> 00:04:52,167
I'm up to 11.
85
00:04:53,252 --> 00:04:56,213
"As the months of solitude passed,
I began to go insane.
86
00:04:56,255 --> 00:04:59,174
"It seemed my prison cell
was getting smaller and smaller.
87
00:04:59,216 --> 00:05:01,301
"I was quite sure that soon
I would be dead.
88
00:05:01,343 --> 00:05:04,596
"But then, a miracle!
There was a light at the end of the tunnel.
89
00:05:04,638 --> 00:05:08,809
"I rushed to freedom, but suddenly I was
ambushed by a mysterious man in white!"
90
00:05:08,851 --> 00:05:11,353
The man in white. Of course.
91
00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:14,147
He must be the hired professional
of whom they spoke.
92
00:05:14,273 --> 00:05:16,900
He failed to thwart my escape
into the outside world.
93
00:05:16,942 --> 00:05:21,029
And now, one year hence,
he's returning to rectify his mistake and...
94
00:05:21,446 --> 00:05:23,615
...put me back in the womb!
95
00:05:28,453 --> 00:05:31,582
Boy, it sure is great being thin and popular.
96
00:05:31,623 --> 00:05:32,708
Let's throw up.
97
00:05:32,749 --> 00:05:34,042
Sure!
Good idea!
98
00:05:34,126 --> 00:05:35,377
I love throwing up.
99
00:05:40,924 --> 00:05:42,593
Hi. I'm Jennifer.
100
00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:43,886
I'm Meg.
101
00:05:43,927 --> 00:05:46,847
My God. Your hair is so beautiful.
I just want to brush it.
102
00:05:46,889 --> 00:05:48,307
Really?
103
00:05:48,557 --> 00:05:50,350
You want to go throw up?
104
00:05:54,855 --> 00:05:57,399
Hey, Dad, let's go whack some moles!
105
00:05:57,441 --> 00:05:59,943
Now, Chris, we're not here for fun.
106
00:06:02,446 --> 00:06:05,240
Now your mom is counting on us
to drop off the deposit.
107
00:06:05,949 --> 00:06:10,120
So let's just deliver the check and...
108
00:06:11,079 --> 00:06:12,831
Hong Kong Phooey!
109
00:06:17,669 --> 00:06:21,298
Yeah! Come on! Go, yeah! Eat my dust!
110
00:06:21,548 --> 00:06:25,219
Come on, move it! Oh, man!
Chris, this place is great.
111
00:06:25,469 --> 00:06:27,221
Pull over, you bastard!
112
00:06:30,140 --> 00:06:31,308
Man.
113
00:06:34,937 --> 00:06:39,316
Hey, Dad, they even got games
in the bathroom. Look, I won a balloon!
114
00:06:39,858 --> 00:06:41,318
Yeah, way to go, Chris.
115
00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:42,694
Where's my watch?
116
00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:46,698
All right. I won a watch.
What's The Dukes of Hazzard?
117
00:06:46,865 --> 00:06:49,576
That's mine. Come on.
Come on, give that back!
118
00:06:49,618 --> 00:06:50,494
- Give it!
- Come on!
119
00:06:50,536 --> 00:06:54,832
Folks in Hazzard County
hadn't seen a watch fight in a long time.
120
00:06:55,082 --> 00:06:59,461
Them boys rassled for a full five minutes
before the manager stepped in.
121
00:06:59,503 --> 00:07:00,295
Come on!
122
00:07:00,337 --> 00:07:01,588
Hands off, fatty!
123
00:07:02,548 --> 00:07:04,842
Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
124
00:07:04,883 --> 00:07:06,218
I'm a paying customer.
125
00:07:06,260 --> 00:07:08,971
I got a deposit check
for my kid's party right here.
126
00:07:09,012 --> 00:07:12,099
Mr. Griffin. I am terribly sorry.
127
00:07:12,140 --> 00:07:14,726
We're really looking forward
to Stewie's special day.
128
00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:17,688
Now I don't know,
after the emotional trauma I've endured...
129
00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:20,649
...on your premises,
I think I deserve a little discount.
130
00:07:20,732 --> 00:07:23,235
Sir, our prices are set
by the corporate office.
131
00:07:23,318 --> 00:07:25,696
Then maybe I'll just take
my business elsewhere.
132
00:07:25,737 --> 00:07:27,781
Good luck filling our spot by this Saturday.
133
00:07:27,823 --> 00:07:29,366
I got cash!
I'll take it!
134
00:07:29,408 --> 00:07:30,450
Suit yourself.
135
00:07:30,534 --> 00:07:34,580
Wait. I was just bluffing.
My wife has her heart set on this place.
136
00:07:37,416 --> 00:07:41,587
Chris, this is a big day for you.
The day you become the man of the house.
137
00:07:41,628 --> 00:07:44,923
Because when we get home,
your mother is going to kill me.
138
00:07:48,510 --> 00:07:52,139
So the man in white is coming
to put me back in the womb, is he?
139
00:07:52,181 --> 00:07:55,142
If I'm to defeat him,
I shall require professional forces.
140
00:07:56,310 --> 00:07:59,855
Here we are. "Come to Managua,
the Mecca of mercenaries. "
141
00:07:59,938 --> 00:08:01,481
I must prepare for my journey.
142
00:08:02,316 --> 00:08:05,944
Let's see.
Grenades, mace, baggy full of Cheerios...
143
00:08:08,739 --> 00:08:13,619
- So, are we all set at Cheesie Charlie's?
- Actually, I canceled the reservation.
144
00:08:13,660 --> 00:08:14,578
What?
145
00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:18,332
- How could you?
- Lois, I got a very good reason.
146
00:08:18,373 --> 00:08:19,791
Wait a second.
147
00:08:20,334 --> 00:08:21,960
These are always classic.
148
00:08:22,002 --> 00:08:26,298
Lois, that Cheesie Charlie's is no good.
See, it happened like this.
149
00:08:40,312 --> 00:08:43,232
Welcome to Cheesie Charlie's. Heil, Hitler!
150
00:08:43,273 --> 00:08:44,983
Actually, the name's Griffin.
151
00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:49,112
I was sent by my smart, beautiful,
and still sexually appealing wife, Lois.
152
00:08:49,154 --> 00:08:51,698
Yes.
We're all set for your little boy's party.
153
00:08:51,740 --> 00:08:54,284
I understand we're getting
a terrific bargain here.
154
00:08:54,326 --> 00:08:56,703
Absolutely.
The children get to play our games.
155
00:08:56,745 --> 00:08:59,081
And if they win enough tickets,
they get a prize.
156
00:08:59,122 --> 00:09:01,375
I have 13 tickets now. Is that enough?
157
00:09:01,416 --> 00:09:04,545
Sorry, Timmy.
But you need 15 tickets to live.
158
00:09:05,796 --> 00:09:09,049
They also get food, cake,
and your choice of ice-cream flavors...
159
00:09:09,132 --> 00:09:11,093
...vanilla, strawberry, chocolate, or people.
160
00:09:11,218 --> 00:09:13,387
- What was that?
- Chocolate. Give me the check.
161
00:09:13,428 --> 00:09:16,139
Hold it! Lois may have
had her heart set on this place...
162
00:09:16,181 --> 00:09:18,976
...but I love my family too much
to risk their lives.
163
00:09:19,017 --> 00:09:21,728
- Come on, Chris. We're leaving.
- No, you're not!
164
00:09:24,606 --> 00:09:28,986
Please don't make me angry, pal.
You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.
165
00:09:32,030 --> 00:09:34,658
All right, Peter. That's enough!
166
00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:38,161
Bravo, Peter.
You are the Spalding Gray of crap.
167
00:09:38,328 --> 00:09:41,874
Do you know how hard it was
to get a reservation at Cheesie Charlie's?
168
00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:44,293
I had to book it the day of my ultrasound.
169
00:09:44,334 --> 00:09:46,920
We'll never find another place in time!
170
00:09:47,546 --> 00:09:50,174
For once, it was all gonna be so perfect!
171
00:09:50,215 --> 00:09:54,303
Come on, Lois. It'll still be perfect.
We'll give him the best birthday ever...
172
00:09:54,344 --> 00:09:56,763
...right here in the safety and comfort
of our own home.
173
00:09:56,805 --> 00:10:00,350
- Peter, we've been over this.
- Honey, you won't have to lift a finger.
174
00:10:00,392 --> 00:10:03,896
I got us a clown, a cake, a petting zoo,
a big-ass pi�ata, the works!
175
00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:05,898
- You got all those things?
- You bet I did.
176
00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:06,982
Wow.
177
00:10:07,024 --> 00:10:10,110
Even Cheesie Charlie's doesn't have
a petting zoo.
178
00:10:10,152 --> 00:10:13,363
Okay, I'll call the parents
and let them know the party's here.
179
00:10:13,405 --> 00:10:15,908
- You don't have any of those things.
- How do you know?
180
00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:17,701
Face it. You're a terrible liar.
181
00:10:23,207 --> 00:10:24,249
It was you.
182
00:10:24,333 --> 00:10:26,793
Clowns and petting zoos
book months in advance.
183
00:10:26,835 --> 00:10:30,380
You're gonna have a tough time finding a...
Hold on.
184
00:10:30,547 --> 00:10:32,216
Ya! Ya!
185
00:10:37,930 --> 00:10:38,972
Some day.
186
00:10:42,601 --> 00:10:45,103
Hey there, little boy. Are you lost?
187
00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:47,523
Now, listen to me, Jolene.
188
00:10:47,606 --> 00:10:50,192
I've got an army to raise,
and I must get to Nicaragua.
189
00:10:50,234 --> 00:10:54,154
I require a window seat and
an in-flight Happy Meal. And no pickles!
190
00:10:54,238 --> 00:10:58,116
- God help you if I find pickles.
- Henry, I have a lost little boy.
191
00:10:58,158 --> 00:11:00,452
Hey there, little fella.
Why don't you come with me?
192
00:11:00,494 --> 00:11:02,704
Damn you!
You're one of them, aren't you?
193
00:11:02,746 --> 00:11:04,581
What are they paying you? I'll double it!
194
00:11:04,623 --> 00:11:07,668
I'll give you whatever you want!
Money! Women! Men?
195
00:11:09,211 --> 00:11:11,713
Dad, what are we doing here again?
196
00:11:11,755 --> 00:11:15,300
Pigs, Chris.
We're getting pigs for Stewie's petting zoo.
197
00:11:24,142 --> 00:11:25,394
Crafty swine.
198
00:11:25,811 --> 00:11:26,770
UPS.
199
00:11:27,145 --> 00:11:29,439
Little bastards ain't as smart as...
200
00:11:31,817 --> 00:11:34,444
Hi, Mom. This is Jennifer.
She gave me a ride home.
201
00:11:34,486 --> 00:11:36,780
Meg, you made a friend.
202
00:11:36,822 --> 00:11:38,907
What a lovely house, Mrs. G.
203
00:11:38,949 --> 00:11:42,077
Meg, you didn't tell me
your mother was just like Martha Stewart.
204
00:11:42,119 --> 00:11:45,998
Oh, no. Once you get to know me,
I'm really very nice.
205
00:11:46,165 --> 00:11:49,793
You know what's nice?
Having a friend like Meg. And kittens.
206
00:11:50,127 --> 00:11:53,964
It was super swell meeting you.
Bye, Meg. Friends forever.
207
00:11:54,006 --> 00:11:55,632
Forever and ever.
208
00:11:57,634 --> 00:11:59,970
Wow! What a great yard!
209
00:12:00,012 --> 00:12:03,307
Guess what, Mom?
Jennifer invited me to a party on Saturday.
210
00:12:03,348 --> 00:12:06,560
This Saturday?
Meg, you can't miss Stewie's first birthday.
211
00:12:06,602 --> 00:12:07,603
But Mom...
212
00:12:07,644 --> 00:12:10,564
Meg, our entire family is
going to be here for Stewie's party.
213
00:12:10,606 --> 00:12:12,566
And that includes you. Understood?
214
00:12:12,608 --> 00:12:16,695
I can't believe you'd put your family
before your own daughter!
215
00:12:16,820 --> 00:12:19,656
She's a whiny little runt, isn't she?
216
00:12:19,698 --> 00:12:20,657
I said "runt. "
217
00:12:22,367 --> 00:12:24,786
I don't think I'm in the right place.
218
00:12:24,828 --> 00:12:27,873
I'm looking for a guy to entertain
the kids at my son's birthday.
219
00:12:27,915 --> 00:12:29,583
Sure. I can do that.
220
00:12:29,625 --> 00:12:31,001
You do children's parties?
221
00:12:31,043 --> 00:12:34,796
Yeah. I can do, like, a handstand,
and some somersaults maybe.
222
00:12:34,838 --> 00:12:38,509
I can make pretend like
the children are little bugs in my web.
223
00:12:42,971 --> 00:12:44,515
Do you know your phone number, son?
224
00:12:44,556 --> 00:12:47,768
The only way you'll get me to talk
is through slow, painful torture.
225
00:12:47,809 --> 00:12:50,521
And I don't think you've got the grapes!
226
00:12:50,562 --> 00:12:53,690
It sounds like you don't want to go home.
Are you running away?
227
00:12:53,732 --> 00:12:56,151
Stewart Gilligan Griffin runs from nothing!
228
00:12:56,235 --> 00:12:58,737
You know, son,
running away never solves anything.
229
00:12:58,820 --> 00:13:00,280
You're getting to be a big boy now.
230
00:13:00,447 --> 00:13:03,408
And part of growing up means
facing your problems head on.
231
00:13:03,450 --> 00:13:07,788
The ruptured capillaries in your nose belie
the clarity of your wisdom.
232
00:13:07,830 --> 00:13:12,125
You're saying I must return
to face this man in white myself. So be it.
233
00:13:12,626 --> 00:13:16,380
As for you, kind sage, I only hope
my heartfelt thanks will keep you warm...
234
00:13:16,421 --> 00:13:19,967
...as you spend the next 10 years
in frozen carbonite!
235
00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:26,181
Peter, you've only got
a couple of hours left.
236
00:13:26,223 --> 00:13:29,184
If you pull a party out of your ass,
you'll want to stand up.
237
00:13:29,226 --> 00:13:32,145
My friend Jennifer invited me
to hang out with her friends.
238
00:13:32,187 --> 00:13:33,188
Can I go?
239
00:13:33,230 --> 00:13:35,732
I won't fall for this trick.
Did you ask your mother?
240
00:13:35,774 --> 00:13:36,817
Yes.
241
00:13:36,859 --> 00:13:38,527
Okay, then. Have fun, sweetheart.
242
00:13:38,569 --> 00:13:40,112
Thanks, Daddy!
243
00:13:40,237 --> 00:13:42,531
Brian, Stewie's birthday is gonna suck.
244
00:13:42,573 --> 00:13:47,160
The only stuff I could get on such short
notice was a cake and that big-ass pi�ata.
245
00:13:47,828 --> 00:13:49,913
I sure hope candy comes out of that.
246
00:13:49,955 --> 00:13:54,543
Face it, Brian. I'm a bad father,
a lousy husband, and a snappy dresser.
247
00:13:54,585 --> 00:13:56,211
I'll never be able to face Lois.
248
00:13:56,253 --> 00:13:59,381
The circus is in town.
Maybe you could run away and join it.
249
00:13:59,423 --> 00:14:00,299
The circus!
250
00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:27,201
Hi. This is the right day, isn't it?
251
00:14:27,242 --> 00:14:30,162
Oh, yes. Peter should be back any minute...
252
00:14:30,204 --> 00:14:33,081
...and then we can start the party, I hope.
253
00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:38,962
Hey, Lois, look.
The two symbols of the Republican party...
254
00:14:39,004 --> 00:14:43,634
...an elephant and a big fat white guy
who's threatened by change.
255
00:14:43,675 --> 00:14:48,222
Peter, this is the most wonderful
celebration I could have imagined.
256
00:14:48,263 --> 00:14:49,348
Yeah. Where's Stewie?
257
00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:51,683
He's upstairs, resting up for his big day.
258
00:15:01,693 --> 00:15:05,030
I'll get him. If you see Meg,
tell her to take plenty of pictures.
259
00:15:05,072 --> 00:15:07,324
Meg's not here.
She went to a friend's house.
260
00:15:07,366 --> 00:15:09,576
What?
She's gonna miss Stewie's birthday.
261
00:15:09,701 --> 00:15:12,830
I dropped her off an hour ago.
Boy, is she gonna be sorry, or what?
262
00:15:12,871 --> 00:15:15,958
Peter. How could you let her go?
263
00:15:15,999 --> 00:15:18,377
What's the big deal?
So Meg's with her new friends.
264
00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:19,878
They seemed like some nice kids.
265
00:15:22,297 --> 00:15:26,385
I'm glad you could join us.
We're gonna have a great time on our trip.
266
00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:29,346
A trip? Like to the beach?
Because I didn't bring my swimsuit.
267
00:15:29,388 --> 00:15:31,473
You won't need anything
where we're going.
268
00:15:31,515 --> 00:15:33,517
Excuse me. I've gotta go mix the punch.
269
00:15:56,498 --> 00:15:59,251
Birthday dude?
Do you want some ice cream?
270
00:15:59,293 --> 00:16:03,881
Yes. But no sprinkles!
For every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you!
271
00:16:04,965 --> 00:16:07,676
Come on, Lois. I hate to see you so upset.
272
00:16:07,718 --> 00:16:09,136
We got animals. We got clowns.
273
00:16:09,178 --> 00:16:12,848
I mean, a party couldn't be any better
if Jesus himself showed up.
274
00:16:13,307 --> 00:16:18,312
Okay, everybody. For my next miracle,
I'm gonna turn water into funk.
275
00:16:23,108 --> 00:16:27,905
Peter, the circus is terrific.
But it's not just Stewie's birthday.
276
00:16:27,946 --> 00:16:31,033
We're also celebrating the day
our family became whole.
277
00:16:31,116 --> 00:16:33,702
Today means nothing if Meg isn't here.
278
00:16:39,166 --> 00:16:41,752
Meg, you seem sad. Today's a happy day.
279
00:16:41,793 --> 00:16:45,672
I know. It's just that
I really like that guy over there.
280
00:16:45,714 --> 00:16:49,968
But he doesn't even know I exist.
He must think I'm a total dog.
281
00:16:50,010 --> 00:16:51,762
That is so not true.
282
00:16:51,887 --> 00:16:52,804
Then what is it?
283
00:16:52,971 --> 00:16:54,348
- He's a eunuch.
- Really?
284
00:16:54,389 --> 00:16:56,683
Sure. All the guys here
have been castrated.
285
00:16:56,725 --> 00:16:57,726
It's cool.
286
00:16:57,768 --> 00:16:59,561
- Do you think that girl is hot?
- No.
287
00:16:59,603 --> 00:17:00,646
Me neither.
288
00:17:04,566 --> 00:17:06,235
Hey, you. Hit me.
289
00:17:06,318 --> 00:17:10,072
There. Now, if I can just find a midget
with some gin, I'll be in business.
290
00:17:10,113 --> 00:17:11,156
Where are you off to?
291
00:17:11,198 --> 00:17:14,660
I gotta make things right for Lois
and get this monkey off my back.
292
00:17:14,701 --> 00:17:17,079
Ow! Knock it off!
293
00:17:17,120 --> 00:17:21,375
All right, men, the man in white
is coming to put me back in the womb.
294
00:17:21,416 --> 00:17:24,920
Today he comes for me,
but tomorrow it could be you or you!
295
00:17:25,379 --> 00:17:28,674
I offer you the opportunity to join me
in glorious battle.
296
00:17:28,715 --> 00:17:31,844
I know that for some of you,
your motor skills are not developed.
297
00:17:31,885 --> 00:17:33,804
Sadly, you will be used as decoys.
298
00:17:33,887 --> 00:17:37,641
But your children's children
will know that you fell for a noble cause.
299
00:17:37,683 --> 00:17:39,059
Now, who's with me?
300
00:17:39,101 --> 00:17:40,018
Duckie?
301
00:17:40,102 --> 00:17:42,354
Useless, every one of you! Fine.
302
00:17:42,396 --> 00:17:45,649
I'll defend myself,
and the hell with all of you!
303
00:17:46,775 --> 00:17:49,486
There, I've gone and soiled myself.
Are you happy now?
304
00:17:51,572 --> 00:17:55,117
Our leader is here
to take us on our journey!
305
00:17:55,409 --> 00:17:59,580
My children, rejoice. The hour
of transformation is close at hand.
306
00:18:00,581 --> 00:18:01,623
Who are you?
307
00:18:01,707 --> 00:18:04,418
This is Meg, wise one.
Can she come with us?
308
00:18:04,501 --> 00:18:07,296
Perhaps. Do you have a mind
that seeks enlightenment...
309
00:18:07,337 --> 00:18:09,047
...and a heart that seeks purity?
310
00:18:09,506 --> 00:18:10,966
Not really.
311
00:18:11,008 --> 00:18:14,344
Okay. Are you a confused adolescent
desperately seeking acceptance...
312
00:18:14,386 --> 00:18:17,222
...from an undifferentiated ego mass
that demands conformity?
313
00:18:17,264 --> 00:18:19,266
Wow, that sort of sounds more like me.
314
00:18:19,308 --> 00:18:22,936
Great! Then all you need is
a dark-blue jogging suit.
315
00:18:23,103 --> 00:18:24,646
Let's see what we have in stock.
316
00:18:24,730 --> 00:18:26,273
What are you? About a 9?
317
00:18:26,523 --> 00:18:28,192
No. A 6.
318
00:18:29,526 --> 00:18:33,155
Right. Dispense the refreshments.
319
00:18:35,782 --> 00:18:37,242
Meg, there you are.
320
00:18:37,326 --> 00:18:40,871
Dad, what are you doing here?
I'm so embarrassed, I could die!
321
00:18:40,913 --> 00:18:42,456
Not before the rest of us!
322
00:18:42,498 --> 00:18:44,958
Meg, your mother wants
the family together today.
323
00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:48,337
It's just Stewie's birthday.
So what if I'm not there?
324
00:18:48,378 --> 00:18:49,421
Who's gonna remember?
325
00:18:49,505 --> 00:18:51,965
Your mom will, trust me.
She remembers everything.
326
00:18:52,007 --> 00:18:55,886
In fact, she always says the best memories
she has are when you kids were born.
327
00:18:55,928 --> 00:19:00,307
Meg, that's it. This day is more
for your mom than it is for Stewie.
328
00:19:00,390 --> 00:19:03,435
With all she's given us,
she oughta get whatever she wants.
329
00:19:03,477 --> 00:19:06,647
And, Meg, today she wants you
to be with the family.
330
00:19:06,730 --> 00:19:07,648
Really?
331
00:19:08,607 --> 00:19:11,777
Daddy, you must think
I'm the worst daughter ever.
332
00:19:11,818 --> 00:19:15,280
No you're not, honey.
What about that fat girl from the Judds?
333
00:19:15,322 --> 00:19:17,282
I'm sorry I've been so selfish.
334
00:19:17,324 --> 00:19:19,910
I miss my mom.
Me, too.
335
00:19:19,993 --> 00:19:21,453
I also miss my nads.
336
00:19:21,537 --> 00:19:23,831
Mr. Griffin, can we come
to Stewie's party, too?
337
00:19:23,872 --> 00:19:25,249
Sure. The more the merrier.
338
00:19:25,332 --> 00:19:27,417
Meg, you have the coolest family.
339
00:19:27,459 --> 00:19:28,669
She sure does.
340
00:19:28,710 --> 00:19:30,379
Here's to family!
341
00:19:30,420 --> 00:19:31,797
To family!
342
00:19:32,714 --> 00:19:35,092
Jeez, look at the time! Come on.
343
00:19:35,175 --> 00:19:37,511
Come on, kids. Let's get going.
344
00:19:39,513 --> 00:19:40,556
Sorry, Meg.
345
00:19:40,722 --> 00:19:43,308
It's another bunch of people
that'd rather fake death...
346
00:19:43,350 --> 00:19:44,643
...than go to a party with you.
347
00:19:44,726 --> 00:19:47,729
Children, the time of ascension has arrived.
348
00:19:48,397 --> 00:19:53,193
For the love of God. Haven't any of you
ever been in a cult before?
349
00:19:53,235 --> 00:19:56,071
Damn it!
I can't achieve transcendence by myself.
350
00:19:56,113 --> 00:19:58,907
That would just make me
some kind of lone nut.
351
00:19:58,949 --> 00:20:01,201
Somebody's got to die with me.
352
00:20:02,744 --> 00:20:05,080
Come back, Meg!
353
00:20:05,122 --> 00:20:08,250
Whoops. Can't forget
my ceremonial white robe.
354
00:20:11,211 --> 00:20:14,673
I guess there's nothing left
but the birthday cake.
355
00:20:14,715 --> 00:20:15,632
Right here!
356
00:20:15,716 --> 00:20:16,758
Meg!
357
00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:18,385
I'm sorry, Mom.
358
00:20:18,594 --> 00:20:20,470
Thank you, Peter.
359
00:20:20,512 --> 00:20:23,182
No problem.
I cannot wait to taste this cake.
360
00:20:23,223 --> 00:20:26,059
The guy who sold it to me
said it was delicious and erotic.
361
00:20:26,101 --> 00:20:28,020
Peter, there's a naked man on this cake.
362
00:20:28,061 --> 00:20:29,354
There were only two left.
363
00:20:29,396 --> 00:20:33,901
And trust me, you did not want the one
of Al Roker with the Hershey Kiss nipples.
364
00:20:34,026 --> 00:20:37,779
Gather round, everyone.
It's time for Stewie's big moment.
365
00:20:42,993 --> 00:20:44,578
Hello?
366
00:20:44,995 --> 00:20:46,455
Is anybody home?
367
00:20:51,710 --> 00:20:54,922
Greetings, man in white.
I've been expecting you.
368
00:20:54,963 --> 00:20:55,964
Who said that?
369
00:20:56,006 --> 00:20:57,883
Peek-a-boo! I see you!
370
00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:00,802
You're getting warmer.
371
00:21:02,804 --> 00:21:04,264
Where are you? What do you want?
372
00:21:04,348 --> 00:21:05,974
Freedom! What do you want?
373
00:21:06,016 --> 00:21:07,768
I want to get the hell out of here!
374
00:21:07,809 --> 00:21:12,940
I'm sorry. We're fresh out of that.
I'm afraid all that's left is untimely death.
375
00:21:15,734 --> 00:21:17,694
What the hell is this?
376
00:21:18,153 --> 00:21:19,613
It's a boy!
377
00:21:21,949 --> 00:21:23,158
Anybody seen Stewie?
378
00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:25,285
Yeah. Where is the birthday boy?
379
00:21:25,410 --> 00:21:26,787
Victory is mine!
380
00:21:26,829 --> 00:21:29,498
Yes. And this cake is yours, too.
381
00:21:29,540 --> 00:21:33,544
Stewie, make a wish.
If you blow out the candle, it'll come true.
382
00:21:33,585 --> 00:21:37,506
That's right, little buddy. What do you
want most in the whole world?
383
00:21:37,548 --> 00:21:39,633
In the whole world, you say?
384
00:21:43,720 --> 00:21:44,847
What the hell.
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
www.tvsubtitles.net
31633
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof