Original subtitles

* Ain't got no trouble with my life *

* No foolish dream to make me cry *

* I'm never frighted or worried *

* I know I'll always get by

* I heat up * Heat up

* I cool down * Cool down

* When something gets in my way *

* I go around it

* Don't let life get me down

* Gonna take it the way that I found it *

* I got the music in me

* I got the music in me

* I got the music in me

* I got the music in me

* I got the music in me

* I got the music in me *

Hey, girlie girl where you going?

What, you got some dolls?

Ow, mama.

* I got the music in me

* I got the music in me

* I got the music in me, yeah

* I got the music in me

* I got the music in me

* I got the music in me

* Feel funky, feel good

* Gonna tell ya

* I'm in the neighborhood *

Take these pants, 50 cents.

Want this dress?

Hey chicky?

What?

Is this the little faggot that lives

downstairs from you?

Hey girlie boy, where you going?

Hi, Chicky.

Is this a girl or a boy?

I don't know, pull his pants down

let's see what he's got.

No way I'm touching that nasty thing.

You'd get cooties for life.

Oh!

Shit, this little faggot plays with dolls.

Oh, shove it up his ass.

Nasty ass fag likes it up the ass.

Please don't.

Hey, leave that boy alone.

What? That's no boy it's an it.

* You're freak, you little it

* You know what that means

* You got some nasty ass things *

* Going on in your jeans

* You ain't no girl you sure ain't no male *

* You're just a freaky in betweener *

* Who never gets nailed

* You're freak kid

* You're freaking us out

* You girlie boy, girlie boy

* You got a pansy ass vibe

* From your head to your feet

* Get off our street

* It's you who are the freaks

* He's just a little boy

* Little boy

* You think you're tough guys

* Go pick on someone

* Your own damn size

* You're a freak kid, you're freaking us out *

* You girlie boy

* You look like an it from your head to your feet *

* Get off our street

* You're a freak kid

* You're freaking us out

* You girlie boy

* Got a pansy ass vibe from your head to your feet *

* Get off our street *

Scottie, what are you doing in there.

You're not messing with my pills again, are you?

I have to take these, doctor's orders.

Oh my god, what did you do?

You cut your beautiful hair.

I don't wanna look like a girl.

Oh, my poor baby.

Oh, my god, your eyelashes, too.

All right, I will fix it for you.

It's okay mom, now I look more like Jimmy,

you know, before he got sick and died.

Scottie, you are perfect.

You are my perfect little boy, hmm?

Okay boy, now get up under there

and clean the bottom.

I don't want to, dad, it's too small down there.

Too small, are you fucking kidding me boy?

I bet a little sissy boy like you'd fit under there easy.

I don't want to.

He don't wanna, now you're gonna clean it

with a toothbrush.

When I was in the service I cleaned

the whole latrine with a toothbrush.

It made a man outta me.

Carol, Carol.

Fetch me a toothbrush, I'm gonna make

a man outta Scottie here.

You don't wanna ruin a nice, new toothbrush

on a dirty old car.

Well Scott, you've been with us for a whole week now.

How do you like it here?

It's good.

Uh-huh, I'm sure you wanna go home soon.

Oh, no, no, no I really like it here.

What do you like about it?

Well, the nurses are real nice.

I like the way the sheets smell and everything is so clean.

I like the food...

We need to talk a little bit about why you're here.

It's a very lovely decoration.

Is it American Indian?

It's supposed to be but it's probably

made in Taiwan.

Must be pretty special to you.

Nah, I just like the way it looks.

My dad gave it to me.

He's part Cherokee and part Black Foot

and some other tribe.

You went to visit him recently.

Yeah, but I hated it there.

He's so big and mean and he drinks too much.

Scott, you mother told us

that you threatened to kill yourself.

I didn't mean it.

When a child threatens to hurt himself

we adults have to take it very seriously.

What made you feel like you had to hurt yourself, Scott?

Was it something that happened during the break in?

Nothing happened, it's I just told Doris my mom

that I'd kill myself if she didn't stop drinking

and, you know, taking pills.

Why do you call your mother Doris?

'Cause that's her name.

You love your mother very much, don't you?

Yeah, she's kind of like my best friend.

I just get scared sometimes that something bad

will happen to her.

That's why I said that.

We really can't send you home Scott

until we know that you're going to be safe there.

I feel safe here.

I'm glad to hear that.

And, we certainly want you to feel safe

when you get home.

You know, I don't feel that safe.

I do think about killing myself sometimes.

I don't think you should send me home

I wouldn't be safe there.

Hey, hi Scott how's lunch?

- Great. - Good.

Hi Katie, do you wanna watch TV?

Oh, the Robins Family Singers, I love them.

I wanted to change my hairdo for our final number

but I didn't have time.

Barry kept hogging the mirror.

A guy's gotta look good for his fans, Janine.

But Barry, I'm supposed to be the pretty one.

I thought we agreed you were the brains

and I was the beauty.

You got it wrong, Barry.

I'm the brains and the beauty.

You've got brains, beauty, and a lot of soul.

Let's sing it.

* This little light of mine

* I'm gonna let it shine

* This little light of mine

* I'm gonna let it shine

* This little light of mine

* I'm gonna let it shine

* Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine *

* Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine *

* This little light of mine

* I'm gonna let it shine

* This little light of mine

* I'm gonna let it shine

* This little light of mine

* I'm gonna let it shine

* Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine *

* Everywhere I go I'm gonna let it shine *

* Everywhere I go I'm gonna let it shine *

* Everywhere I go I'm gonna let it shine *

* Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine *

Uncle Gene.

Callie baby, come here.

How's my girl, hmm?

So, where's the gang?

Mom's in the living room with Scottie.

Where's your sister?

I think she went somewhere with Anthony.

Really?

I thought we told her not to hang with him.

Hmm?

- Hey Uncle Gene. - Hey.

Look what I made you.

Oh,

Mister man.

That is the most beautiful picture I have ever seen

and I'm gonna hang it in my bedroom

where I can see as soon as wake up everyday.

Gene you want a drink?

Callie, fix Uncle Gene a screwdriver.

Whoa, no thanks sis.

Cathy's expecting me home.

I just dripped by to have a little chat

with this little man.

Oh, ho, ho, ho.

Come here, have a seat.

Now listen mister man

I'm performing next Friday for the Jerry Lewis benefit.

Wow.

And, I thought I'd take you with me.

You know that little routine I taught you?

How'd you like to perform it with me?

Oh boy.

And, I think, I think we can persuade them

to let you sing a solo all by yourself.

What do you say?

Yes, yes, yes.

That is wonderful.

Oh boy, I can't wait.

Scottie, Scottie

what song do you think you'd like to sing?

The one by Captain and Tennille.

He loves that song.

He always drives us nuts singing it.

Which one do you mean?

* I never wanted, I never wanted

* To touch a man

* The way that I wanna touch you*

Well, that's kind of a song for a female vocalist, hmm?

Can you think another one?

Well, he does love that song.

Well, here's the thing mister, now we don't want

anyone to think you're funny.

You know, trying to be funny singing a song like that.

Hey, Uncle Gene, why don't you change the lyrics?

Hmm, hmm.

* I never wanted to touch a girl.

Could you sing it like that, Scottie?

- He can sing anything. - You bet I can.

Come here.

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

We really appreciate that.

Now, ladies and gentleman I hope you

brought your checkbooks because tonight,

tonight we gotta priceless act to lay on you.

Please give a real warm welcome to my nephew,

little Scottie Townsend.

* Come on over here Mister Man

* Now don't be shy, you hear

* Mister Man

* You're so young and dear Mister Man *

* You've got to be sincere

* Mister Man

* There's nothing that I fear

* Uncle Gene

* I love the life you lead

* Uncle Gene

* I wanna dance and sing

* Uncle Gene

* And want to be on the screen

* Uncle Gene

Come here, take a bow, come on.

Take another bow.

Wasn't this kiddo great?

Wonderful, wonderful darling.

Would you like to see the kid do another

all by himself, huh?

Hit it.

* I never wanted

* I never wanted to touch a girl *

* The way that I want to touch you *

* I never wanted

* I never wanted to love a girl *

* The way that I want to love you *

* You are sunshine

* You are shadows

* You are morning

* You are night

* You are hard times

* You are good times

* You are darkness

* You are light

* I never wanted

* I never wanted to touch a man *

* That I way that I wanna touch you *

* I never wanted

* I never wanted to love a man

* The way that I wanna love you **

Oops, give mister man, Scottie Townsend,

a round of applause, huh?

Come on mister man,

you've gotta take a bow.

Scottie, look at me.

You were wonderful.

- No. - You were wonderful.

Come here, come here.

I'm so sorry, I thought this was the men's bathroom.

This is totally vomitaceous.

Is that even a real word?

All I know is I'd rather torch this thing

than paint it.

I don't know, I think it's kind of sweet, you know?

Let's just hope no one in the audience has diabetes.

Yeah.

It's Moonie and Junie, perfect.

Give the people what they want.

Kids, can you wrap it up for a while?

Laura needs to practice her big number.

Got a little paint on ya.

Yes.

* I don't know how to love him

* I don't see why he moves me

* He's a man

I'm sorry Miss Freeman, I guess I just need

to practice a little more.

Laura, maybe this song is a little ambitious for you.

Mister Malone is there a less challenging

song you could recommend?

But, I really wanna sing this song.

It's my mother's favorite.

She just has to watch the pauses and where she breathes.

It's not that hard.

What's your name?

Scott.

Are you a singer?

I sang with my Uncle Gene a few times with his band

the Top Dogs.

We did like fund raisers and parties.

Maybe he should sing the song.

Very funny.

Well, maybe he could show me.

Do you know the song, Scott?

You bet I do.

It's Jesus Christ Superstar.

My mom bought me the record, it's so good.

Come on, show us how you can sing it.

I don't think that is a good idea.

How's the key.

Can I have it lower.

A little bit more.

That's better, thank you.

* I don't know how

* to love him

* What to do, how to move him

* I've been changed

* Yes, really changed

* In these past few days

* When I've seen myself

* I seem like someone else

* I don't know how to take this *

* I don't see why he moves me

* He's a man

* He's just a man

* And I've had so many men before *

* In very many ways

* He's just one boy

* Should I bring him down

* Should I scream and shout

* Should I speak of love

* Let my feelings out

* I never thought I'd come to this *

* What's it all about

He's fantastic, isn't he?

I could never sing like that,

but thank you, you're amazing.

For our Fall production I am going to look for

a musical with a strong male lead just for you.

Wow.

Just for you.

Thanks Tasha.

Do your Michael thing.

Yeah, go on do it.

Do it.

I can't, I can't do it in front of everybody.

Who Chicky? I'll kick his fucking ass.

Move it or we'll kick your ass motherfucker.

I'll fuck you up, bitch.

Go on, girlfriend.

Can I have a beat or something.

Okay.

Come on.

Woo.

Come on.

He's got a thing, do that thing.

Woo.

Keep it girlfriend.

Jump in.

Cher was absolutely divine.

I mean, that girl can do anything.

The woman is a living goddess.

And, did you see her in Silkwood?

I mean, she made a pretty convincing lesbian.

No she didn't her pants were too high

and her hair was all wrong.

It must have killed her to get rid of her nails.

Oh, I doubt that, she's a serious actress.

Well, she's got that deadpan comic thing down.

"Charlotte, I know you're planning a celibate life

"but with half my chromosomes I think it's gonna be tough."

Oh, my god, you sound just like Cher.

Thank you, I can sing like her, too.

Oh?

* Take me home

* Take me home

* Wanna to feel you close to me *

You could make a ton of money impersonating her.

I probably could, right?

And, I could use the money because Christopher

is a total cheapskate.

Oh my god, Scott, I've got a great idea.

I have to go to P-town tomorrow and my friend Richie

runs a drag show up there so come with me

and maybe you could audition for him.

Well, Christopher's got a gallery show

in New York tomorrow.

He'd probably freak if he knew I was auditioning

for a drag show, but what he don't know won't hurt 'em.

* Take me home

* Take me home

* Wanna feel you close to me

* Take me home

* Take me home

Dominic, what's going on my friend?

- How's everything? - Excellent.

Oh my god, yo, who's your adorable friend?

Oh, he's not just my friend he's a star.

He's got a nice build,

and his face is lovely, too.

And, you should hear him sing.

He sounds exactly like Cher.

Come on mister man, give a girl a chance.

How's it going, hun?

Oh, I don't know, Richie.

I'm in costume now, you refer to me as Raquel Rich.

Charlene, au chante.

How do you prevent this thing

from going up your butt crack?

You can prevent it.

Just relax and enjoy it, sweetie.

You know, you're lucky I have a soft spot

for a damsel in distress.

It's usually not my policy to lend out my costumes

to other girls.

Well, she certainly can't wear mine.

Her skinny little ass would get lost in this.

You know, this really is an art form.

It's not just about putting on a dress

or wearing fake boobs.

Getting a musical number right can take months.

But, Scott sings like Cher.

He's not a lip syncer like most girls in the business.

That gives him a leg up right there.

And, don't forget your costume.

We're visual artists as much as we're musical performers.

Well, I'm kinda screwed there.

This was kind of last minute.

Girlfriend, you got your drag mother

and your fairy godmothers here to help you out.

* How can you perform

* Without a costume at all

* You're already cute

* But we need to make you a doll *

* A little bit of blush

* Will go a long, long way

* You need to wow the crowd

* And give them something to say *

* We're putting you together

* Gonna make you a queen

* Putting you together

* They'll ask where you've been *

* Putting you together

* With the wag, wig, and tights *

* Putting you together

* For the stage and the lights

* Take this necklace and these hoops *

* You're coming together my dear *

* Apply some lipstick and some liner *

* Now look in the mirror

* Now don't forget your falsies *

* And to hold in your gut

* You'll need to have some attitude *

* And learn how to strut

* Putting you together

* Gonna make you a queen

* Putting you together

* They'll ask where you've been *

* Putting you together

* With the wag, wig, and tights *

* Putting you together

* For the stage and the lights

* It's not just how you look

* Or giving a whole lot of sass *

* If you wanna turn some heads

* Your whole package has to pass *

* It's not just what you say

* Or who you imitate

* To become a queen and really great *

* Is much more inane

* Putting you together

* We're gonna make you a queen

* Putting you together

* They'll ask where you've been *

* Putting you together

* With the wag, wig, and tights *

* Putting you together

* For the stage and the lights **

I look fantabulous.

You look just like her.

Performing for the very

first time ever, Thirsty Burlington.

* Take me home

* Take me home

* Wanna feel you close to me

* Take me home

* Take me home

* Oh baby, let's get out of here *

* I'll follow you anywhere

* Your place or mine

* Just a one night affair

* Would be so fine

* I'm in heaven

* Seems like heaven

* So much in heaven

* Take me home

* Take me home

* Oh, wanna be close to me

* Take me home

* Take me home

* With you is where I wanna be

* Wrapped in your love tonight

* Just making love

* Music and candlelight

* Stars above

* I'm in heaven

* Seems like heaven

* So much in heaven

* Take me home

* Take me home with you

* Take me home

* With you is where I wanna be

* Home with you

* Take me home

* Take me home

* Take me home *

Thank you, thank you.

Hey Thirsty, so it seems like they enjoyed you.

How would you like to join the show full time?

Say we'll start you off at $40 per show.

But, if it seems like you're bringing in bodies

we'll give you 5% of the house.

I'm your girl.

All right.

Scottie, Scottie put these away for me, will ya?

Okay mom.

Oh boy am I thirsty.

What did you do?

I didn't do anything.

I'm thirsty, what did you mess with my drink for?

Geez.

You are like a little one man vice squad.

I had a long, hard day at work I just want

one lousy little drink.

Is that too much to ask? Hmm?

What in hell is your problem?

I don't want you to drink.

You threw out my vodka?

Do you know how much this stuff costs?

What do you think I am a millionaire.

I don't like you when you drink.

You're like a mean, ugly witch.

That is a very mean thing to say,

that is not a nice thing to say to your mother.

Where are the?

I flushed your pills.

I could hit you, I'm so angry at you.

The doctor gave me those pills.

You know that, I need them to be able to sleep.

How am I gonna sleep?

And now, I have to find another doctor.

If you do I'll kill myself.

Scottie, you're only 11 years old.

How could you say something like that?

Why would you say something like that?

I need you to stop for me, mom.

I'm sorry.

It's okay, I'm sorry.

Come on.

Hurry up, Mabel.

Slow down Gertrude.

Hey mom, Gertrude, can we have hamburgers for dinner?

Are you kidding, I don't get paid till next week.

We gotta cut corners.

- Mom, that's stealing. - Shh.

I'm gonna tell on You.

Hey, what are you, the fuzz?

I am paying for most of this stuff.

Geez Mabel, I can't take you anywhere.

You're crazy, Gertrude.

You try bringing up three kids on your own.

- Ow. - Come on.

You're still a robber.

Just keep your trap shut, Mabel

and I'll buy you a candy bar.

Oh, what a pretty little girl you have.

Thank you.

Actually, he's a boy.

Of course, you can hardly tell anymore.

The total's 19.35.

There's 25,

- 35. - Thank you.

What's your name, handsome?

Mabel.

Mom, take me with you.

Can't, gotta stay here.

Why? Why can't I come?

'Cause I have errands to run by myself.

Are you going to buy drugs?

That is a terrible thing to say.

What do you think I'm a junkie?

I'm scared being home alone.

Well, you should have thought of that

before you decided to stay home from school.

You said I could. Come on, mom.

I wanna come.

Can't my big bog stay at home by himself

for a couple of hours, huh?

I'm gonna, oh, I will be home by three.

If I'm late your sisters will be back by then, all right?

I have a little shadow, me.

And, what can be the use of him is more than I can see.

Does this dress make me look fat?

It makes you look a little hippie,

but we can even that out if we make your hair fuller.

Have you got any smokes?

No.

I thought you didn't have any.

You lying motherfucker.

I am sorry, Chicky.

I think Jeanie's got some in her room.

I can go get them for you if you want.

Give me your money.

I don't have any.

Got anything else?

Fucking coupons?

Please Chicky, I won't tell anyone.

- Please don't. - Shut up.

Fuck.

God damn it.

I need to go to the bathroom.

Get back here you little freak.

You better help me find something

or I will fuck you up, hmm?

You can take the TV, but you better hurry.

My mom's gonna be home soon.

Oh, I want your mom to come back

'cause when she gets home I'm gonna rape her.

How would you like to watch me rape your mom, hmm?

I gotta go to the bathroom, I have to go real bad.

Don't think you're gonna sneak out the window, either

'cause I'm going in there with you.

Let's go freak, let's see it.

What's the hold up.

Motherfucker.

- Please. - Come here freak.

Please, please Chicky don't.

No, no please, please Chicky don't, don't.

Scottie, Scottie?

Scottie, what happened.

Scottie, tell mama what happened.

Are you okay sweetie.

A man came in, he stole the TV.

What man, Scottie, what man?

Somebody from the houses?

Was it, did he hurt you?

No, no he stole my chain

and he was just so scary.

Oh Scottie, he didn't hurt you?

I'm so scared mom, I'm so scared.

Shh.

Callie, thank God you're here.

How is she?

She's getting pretty bad.

She thinks there's bugs crawling all over her.

There probably are bugs crawling on her.

This place is a mess.

It's always been a mess.

Scott has a party to go to and so do I

so could you...

It's mom's birthday, she's dying.

How could you even think of going out?

Because Callie, we're here all the time.

We help her in the shower, we help her

go to the bathroom.

- We give her her meds. - Everyday.

Scott can go, but Janie you made your bed

now lie in it.

Well fuck it, if that's how you're gonna be

I'll just bring the party here.

Callie, thank you.

I just need a break.

I'm using your liner, okay, the blue stuff.

Thought you didn't wanna look like a girl.

It's a Halloween party.

You're leaving me alone on my birthday?

That's not fair.

Come on ma, I'm with you all the time.

Can I just have a little fun for myself?

Scottie, fix me a screwdriver, will ya,

for my birthday?

Come on ma, you know it's not gonna

mix with your meds.

Oh, look at me.

I'm at the end now what does it matter?

How do I look?

Beautiful, like a million bucks.

Hey ma, what would you say if I told you

I was gay?

I'd say I didn't wanna know.

All right, you want that screwdriver?

I'll go make you one.

I can't drink that, Scottie.

Why not?

I've gotta pee.

Mom, okay I'll help you, I'll help you.

Okay, okay, okay I can take it from here.

Okay, I'll wait outside.

Uh, is this the party? Okay, thanks.

* I see you again and I trip to discover

* Love is where you are

Yeah, give me a little blow.

* It's always here in the daylight *

* It's always here in the sky

* You, you, you, you, you boy

* No matter where we are

* Waiting for the moment we can move *

* Waiting for you and me *

Boy, am I thirsty.

Isn't there anything non-alcoholic.

Why wouldn't you want alcohol?

My parents are hardcore alcoholics.

So, I guess not drinking is my form of rebellion.

My parents are teetotalers.

I guess it's all starting to make sense.

- I'm Scott. - Christopher.

We've met, I think.

You're Dominic's friend.

We went to hair school together, but he dropped out.

So, you're a gay hair dresser?

Uh-huh.

Now I've heard everything.

Oh, I get it. I'm a cliche.

Guilty as charged.

Well, what do you do?

I'm a painter of canvases not houses.

Well, that's impressive.

Which is a glorified way of saying that I wait tables.

In short, I'm a cliche, too.

Well how come you're not dressed up.

I mean they did specify like come as your inner diva.

Frankly, the whole drag.

Hey.

I don't think she likes me very much.

Frankly, the whole drag thing leaves me cold.

Me too, me too.

I get enough grief for looking so feminine

without playing it up, but it's Halloween.

No, I like feminine guys.

I just don't like guys who wish they were girls.

I'm a man, I like being a man and I like men

who like to be men.

Well, I'm a man who likes men who like to be men

and to be with men.

Can you say that three times fast?

Then, I'd probably have to do some major coke first.

So, you do do coke.

Yeah, well, I mean, I would try it.

Where'd you get that dress?

It's my mom's.

You're wearing your mother's dress?

Mm-hmm, I know, I know paging Doctor Freud?

It's a little Tony Perkins.

So, is she still around?

Yes and no.

Oh man, you're gonna think I'm a complete shit head

but she's at home dying of cancer and I'm out partying

and it's her birthday.

Do you want me to give you a little piece of advice?

Sure.

Shut up about your mother.

* If I could turn back time

* If I could find a way

* I'd take back those words that'll hurt you *

* And you'd stay

* I don't know why I did those things I did *

* I don't why I said the things I said *

* Pride's like a knife it can cut deep inside *

* Words are like weapons they wound sometimes *

* I didn't want to see you go

* I know I made you cry

* But baby if I could turn back time *

* If I could find a way

* I'd take back those words that'll hurt you *

* And you'd stay

* If I could reach the stars

* I'd give them all to you

* Then you'd love me, love me

* Like you used to do

* My world was shattered

* I was torn apart

* Like someone took a knife

* And drove it deep in my heart *

* You walked out that door

* I swore that I didn't care

* But I lost everything darling *

* Then and there

* Too strong to tell you I was sorry *

* Too proud to tell you I was wrong *

* I know that I was blind

* But baby if I could turn back time *

* If I could find a way

* I'd take back those words that'll hurt you *

* And you'd stay

* If I could reach the stars

* I'd give them all to you

* Then you'd love me, love me

* Like you used to do *

Hello Doris.

Wow, it was like a simultaneous orgasm.

Yeah, we're like total soul mates.

I know.

Tina?

Your parents are home.

Tina.

Just a minute, mom.

Tina, open this door.

Who's this?

Hi, I'm Scott. It's nice to meet you.

This is my friend from school.

Scott, Scott it's nice to meet you.

I'll just leave you two kids alone then.

It's a boy, she's with a boy.

Dude, hurry up I gotta take a serious dump.

That's a guy in front of me.

No way, that's a chick.

No, it's too tall to be a chick.

It's a homo.

Maybe he'll use the ladies room.

He better not leave any AIDS germs on that seat

'cause if he does I'll kick his ass.

This clean up guy better not drop his mop.

- Thirsty? - Yeah?

I mean it this time, 20 minutes.

I'm on it.

I'm on it.

What are you doing here?

I'm here to see you.

You mean you're here to pick a fight.

Christopher, I really don't have time for this right now.

Catch me after the show.

I came here to see you.

I need to see you just like this

so that I know I'm doing the right thing.

So, you're leaving me again?

Oh, that's just wonderful, that's just great.

Have yourself a ball, have yourself lots of balls.

You know where I'll be if you change your mind.

You never gave a shit about me.

You just liked me for the sex.

And, what were you in it for?

I wanted a real relationship with a real man

not a drag queen.

Christopher, I'm not gonna argue about this

over and over again.

This is my job.

I do not hassle you for being a waiter.

I'm an artist.

Yeah, so am I.

You are not an artist, you are a fake cunt.

That is all you are, wearing a stupid Halloween costume.

You're pathetic.

If that's how you see things I'm not gonna

argue with you, but you need to get the fuck

out of here because I'm gonna kick your ass.

You're not man enough to kick my ass.

If I wanted to fuck something that looked like that

it might as well have a pussy.

I'm not a something, I'm not an it.

I am a man, I'm a real man.

Then man up, man the fuck up.

* When you meet a boy

* That you like a lot

* And you fall in love

* But he loves you not

* If a flame should start

* As you hold him near

* Better keep your heart

* Out of danger, dear

* For the way of love

* Is a way of woe

* And the day may come

* When you'll see him go

* But, what will ya do

* When he sets you free

* Just the way that you

* Said goodbye to me

* When you meet a boy

* That you like a lot

* And you fall in love

* But he loves you not

* If a flame should start

* As you hold that boy dear

* Better keep your little itty bitty heart *

* Keep it out of danger, dear

* For the way of love

* Is a way of woe

* And the day may come

* When you'll see him go

* But, what will ya do

* When he sets you free

* Just the way that you

* Said goodbye to me

* That's the way of love

* The way of love *

Hi Patrick.

Hi guys.

Bye, kisses.

- Night guys. - Call me.

- Bye darling. - Bye.

Yeah, I have in the morning.

I'm scared, I wanna go home.

Hey, hey, hey it's okay mister man.

You're safe here, don't you see?

You're one of us.

Scottie, cutie, oh don't worry baby.

I'm here now.

Let's play hide and seek, Mabel.

Sure Gertrude.

Man up, freak.

Well, good morning sunshine.

What happened?

Where am I?

You're at my place.

You may not know this about me but I am Patrick

the patron saint of people who pass out

at the bar and who's "friends" ditch them.

I need better friends.

No shit, how 'bout I whip you up

a nice, big breakfast?

Well, I never say no to a man with a whip.

Okay, but I gotta warn you people eat my cooking

they tend to stick around for more.

Well, maybe I will.

Toby, slow down you are scaring the shit out of me.

Don't be such a prima donna.

Of course he's being a prima donna, we all are.

What are you supposed to be, Rambo?

When you cross Dick Cheney with Thirsty Burlington

that's what you get.

Come on guys, we're visiting my father,

you know how freaky that is for me.

Does your dad know what you do for a living?

That you're gay?

Yeah, he knows all about me.

And, he's cool with it, at least I think so anyway.

Maybe when we get there he'll throw us

into the shed and let the local rednecks

have their way with us.

Yipes, makes you wanna run for the nearest blue state.

Listen, I'm just glad to be off the road

for a few days and stay in a bed for free.

Yeah, that'll be a good change.

I can't believe Milty stiffed us.

We'll be lucky if we break even on this tour.

What's your dad like?

Well, the few times I visited him he was

really scary, I mean he was a mean drunk.

But, he stopped drinking about 10 years ago.

And, you know what I noticed?

That he's a woman, you're secretly

a lesbian love child.

No, he's kind of boring.

I mean, the few times we've talked on the phone

we have absolutely nothing to say to each other.

Sounds like it's gonna be a fun visit.

Hey, I was wondering when you boys

would finally come rolling in.

Come here.

What, you didn't think your old man could

lift you anymore?

I don't know.

Make yourselves at home.

I'll be getting something to wet your whistle.

Thanks.

- Bambi. - Run Bambi,

faster, man in the forest, pow.

Now, sit down.

Sorry, I can't help you boys to something stronger

- but you know. - I know.

Oh, a weapon of mass destruction.

Nah, don't mind that son, that's a Beretta

FS 92, semi automatic.

It's a real beauty.

Nice.

Well, if you boys like tomorrow morning

I'll take you to the shooting range before they open

and you can see where I work.

We can have ourselves some fun.

Swell.

Am I holding this right?

Okay, spread your feet shoulder width apart.

- Like this? - Yep, yep.

Turn your left foot at a 45 degrees angle

to your line of your target.

There you go.

Bend your knees slightly, lean forward on your right leg.

If you had taught me this when I was a little kid

maybe I wouldn't have grown up gay.

That's nonsense Scottie, you are who you are.

Girl, come on, get your own man.

Oh, damn it.

Bambi, no.

Okay, put the guns down step back now.

Oh Scottie, you look so Charlie's Angels.

I've gotta get picture of you.

Actually, I see myself more as a Bond girl

but I guess I could channel Farrah.

All right Kelly, you pose as a hooker.

And Sabrina, you masquerade as a teamster.

I wanna be Sabrina, she's the classic

all American dykon.

Oh shit, that means I'm stuck with Jaclyn Smith.

Virgil, can you take our picture?

Sure.

(camera clicks

9:30 is showtime, folks, 9:30 is show time.

How do you feel about minstrel shows?

God, I love my job, honestly I do.

Drag reinforces offensive stereotypes about women.

Look honey, I'm just trying to get people

to see the show.

If you're not into it...

Don't call her honey, it's belittling.

Who are you supposed to be?

I'm Cher, but I impersonate Thirsty Burlington onstage.

Yes but, I think you're missing the implicit irony

in the presentation.

Oh, my presentation of Cher is highly ironic.

Drag isn't perpetuating negative stereotypes,

it's a commentary about them.

No, it's ultimately a rejection of stereotypes.

You're a man?

Yes, I'm a short, fat black man impersonating

a tall, skinny, white woman.

Drag is liberating for guys like me who catch

a lot hell for being too feminine.

When I'm in drag everybody knows I'm a guy,

when I'm not dressed like this people aren't sure

what I am.

Well, that's exactly the way that it should be.

I mean, why do we need assigned genders?

Gender is drag and drag is gendered.

Are these tits real?

Get outta here.

Thirsty, we love you.

I love you too, have you seen the show?

Come to the show.

Well, drag is fun, gender can be fun.

Gender is a source of oppression.

Genitals is a source of oppression.

We've all got an ass, right?

You know that thing that paying customers

put in seats to see my show?

So, have that.

- We'll be there. - Thank you.

9:30 is show time folks, 9:30 is show time.

Oh, my god you're supposed to be Cher, right?

I love Cher.

Well, I'm Thirsty Burlington, Provincetown's

number one Cher impersonator, but the show

is family friendly and there's no adult language or nudity.

Hi guys.

Can my kids get a picture with you?

Sure, hi.

Their father is gonna be so pissed

when he sees them standing next to a gay.

I'm not a circus freak, I'm an entertainer.

Yeah, but you are gay, right?

I mean, why else would you dress up like a woman.

One of your kids could be gay,

have you ever thought about that?

What kind of message are you sending them?

You don't have to be such a dick about it.

Yeah, you're a real class act, lady,

the real mother of the year.

9:30 is showtime folks, hi.

Hi, 9:30 show, thank you.

Hi there, 9:30.

How are you? Thank you so much, call me,

only. * Hear my story

* Some people ask for fame

* Like athletes in a game

* We break our collarbones

* And come up swinging

* Some of us are downed

I am taking this song way too seriously.

* But most have seen it all

* They live their lives in sad cafes *

* And music halls

* They always come up singing *

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.

That's applause for your final performance.

You're fired, Scott.

I'm Thirsty, and you can't fire me

'cause Scott's not here, I'm Thirsty.

Listen, you're my friend and you're the best

Cher impersonator in the business

but you can't work in my show if you're drunk.

That's not fair.

Why's that?

Okay, it's fair.

But, you know what Richie you should fire me.

It's time Thirsty went out on her own.

She's sick of drag.

Ladies and gentlemen up next the legendary

lady of Provincetown, Thirsty Burlington.

Thank you, sweetie.

Thank you so much, hi guys.

Cher, Cher, Cher

sing The Way of Love.

I'm sorry, Cher couldn't make it tonight.

Who's thirsty for Thirsty?

* I never wanted

* I never wanted to touch a man *

* The way that I wanna touch you *

* I never wanted

* I never wanted to love a man

* The way that I wanna love you *

* You are sunshine

* You are shadows

* You are morning

* You are night

* You are hard times

* You are good times

* You are darkness

* You are light

* I never wanted

* I never wanted to touch a man *

* The way that I want to touch you *

* They way that I wanna touch you *

* The way that I wanna touch you now *

* The way that I wanna touch you *

* The way that I wanna touch you now **

I'm so disappointed.

How many times I gotta tell you

not to hang out with those chowderheads?

Sorry, I'm sorry.

Come on, let's get you to bed.

How'd the show go?

Hardly anybody came.

Nobody likes me, nobody loves Thirsty.

I know somebody who loves her very much.

Come on.

I just want 'em to like me.

Then get rid of Thirsty, besides she's too much

like your mother anyway.

What's wrong with that?

My mother was great.

Listen, your mother was no goody two shoes,

she had her problems.

And, she neglected her kids.

That's not fair, how can you say that?

I was a good mother.

I'm sorry lady, but that's a load of bullshit.

Who the hell are you?

Look at you, sitting there drinking

and feeling sorry for yourself.

You should be cooking a nice meal for your children,

keeping house, making them feel safe and loved.

I loved my children, especially Scottie.

I doted on him.

He slept in my bed till he was 10.

What boy sleeps with his mother?

He was scared.

Of course he was scared, what did you ever do

to make him feel safe?

Kids teased him and bullied him.

You know what Chicky did to him.

You just sat there and whined over your own hard luck.

I can't help that, I tried.

You're a wimp.

That's all you are, a self pitying dish rag.

Man up, lady.

Oh, come on lady, don't take it like that.

Look, I know you love Scottie but as mothers

of gay sons we...

Scottie is not gay.

Listen to yourself, you're walking around

with your eyes closed.

You're saying it's my fault?

Our sons are gay because they're gay.

Who knows why.

But, the mother of a gay son has a responsibility.

She has to teach him to stand up for himself

like I did for my Patrick.

She has to be a role model.

All right, so Doris was dysfunctional.

She was kind and fun and funny

and all those are really good qualities.

Okay, then give Thirsty her good qualities

and dump the bad stuff like the drinking.

I don't know if Thirsty can be Thirsty

without all the dysfunction in the mix.

Thirsty needs less Doris and more Scottie.

Who's hungry?

Who's Thirsty?

* Bursting with blues

* Yellows and reds

* I gotta feeling now

* Whoa I'm so empty

* And killing me dead

* Feel like I won somehow

* All I can give

* Is all that I am

* I'm a bouquet

* From a single stem

* All that you feel

* Is all that you are

* Every inch in every bar

* Run for the mirrors

* We shatter 'em down

* Standing alive and bold

* Possibly ready

* For what, I don't know

* Maybe for me, yeah

* All I can give

* Is all that I am

* I'm a bouquet

* From a single stem

* All that you feel

* Is all that you are

* Every inch in every bar

* And all I can give

* Is I that I am

* Yeah every woman and every man *

* All that you feel

* Is all that you are

* Every inch in every bar

* Every inch in every bar

* Every inch in every bar *

Goodbye Scottie, I'm leaving you.

So, you're saying I'm ready to fight my own battles?

I sure don't feel ready.

But, watching your act here tonight

I suddenly feel rather superfluous.

Superfluous?

You know, whenever I'd fantasize about talking with you

I always just thought you'd talk more like a tough girl.

You're so refined.

Well, Thirsty's pretty refined and she's tough.

So, you think Thirsty's gonna fight my battles for me?

No Scottie, Scott you may wrap yourself

in many different skins, Thirsty, Cher, whoever

but when all is said and done it's all Scott.

You have to decide what you want from life

and then go out and fight for it.

What is it that you really want out of life, Scott?

I wanna be fearless one day and I wanna feel safe.

I wanna be comfortable in all of my skins.

* Sometimes I'm right

* Then I can be wrong

* My own beliefs are in my own songs *

* A butcher, a banker, a drummer and then *

* Makes no difference what group I'm in *

* I am everyday people

* I am no better

* And neither are you

* We're all the same whatever we do *

* You love me, you hate me

* You know me and then

* You still can't figure out

* The bag I'm in

* I am everyday people

* This is a long man

* That doesn't like the short man *

* For being such a rich one

* That will not help the poor one *

* Different strokes

* For different folks

* And so on and so on

* And Scooby Dooby Dooby

* Oh sha sha

* We have to live together

* There is a yellow one

* That won't accept the black one *

* That won't accept the red one *

* That won't accept the white one *

* Different strokes

* For different folks

* And so on and so on

* And Scooby Dooby Dooby

* Oh sha sha

* We have to live together

* I am no better and neither are you *

* We're all the same whatever we do *

* You love me, you hate me

* You know me and then

* Still can't figure out the bag I'm in *

* I am everyday people *

* Come on over here, mister man *

* Now don't be shy you here mister man *

* You're so young and dear, mister man *

* You've got to be sincere, mister man *

* There's nothing that I fear

* Uncle Gene

* I love the life you live

* Uncle Gene

* I wanna dance and sing

* Uncle Gene

* And want to be on the screen

* Uncle gene

* That's my little man

* You're such a mister man

* You light up the stage

* With your pure and budding age *

* You put on a great show

* And everyone will go

* I'll teach you all I can

* They'll know my little man

* You're such a mister man

* How can you perform without a costume at all *

* You're already cute, but we need to make you a doll *

* A little bit of blush will go *

* A long, long way

* You need to wow the crowd

* And give them something to say *

* Putting you together

* Gonna make you a queen

* Putting you together

* They'll ask where you've been *

* Putting you together

* With the wag, wig, and tights *

* Putting you together

* For the stage and the lights

* Take this necklace and hoops

* You're coming together my dear *

* Apply some lipstick and some liner *

* Now look in the mirror

* Now don't forget your falsies *

* And to hold in your gut

* You need to have some attitude *

* And learn how to strut

* Bursting with blues

* Yellows and reds

* I got a feeling now

* What was so empty

* And killing me dead

* Feel like I won somehow

* All I can give

* Is all that I am

* I'm a bouquet

* From a single stem

* All that you feel

* Is all that you are

* Every inch in every bar

* All I can give

* Is all that I am

* Every woman and every man

* All that you feel

* Is all that you are

* Every inch in every bar

* Every inch in every bar *