All language subtitles for The Golden Girls - 05x10 - All That Jazz

♪ Thank you for being a friend

♪ Traveled down the road
and back again

♪ Your heart is true

♪ You're a pal and a confidante

♪ And if you threw a party

♪ Invited everyone you knew

♪ You would see the biggest
gift would be from me

♪ And the card attached
would say

♪ "Thank you
for being a friend" ♪

Mmm!

Morning!
Morning.

Dorothy, taste this.

Mmm! Oh, Ma,
that's wonderful.

Yeah, smells fine to me.
I don't know why they're recalling it.

Good morning.
Morning, Rose.

Wait, there's something
different about you.

Didn't you used to have a neck?

It's tension. It always goes
to the same place.

(sighs) My shoulder's tight
and my neck gets stiff

and I can't turn my head.

You mean you can't move
your neck at all? No.

Look out, behind you!

Hey, you gotta make
your own fun around here.

Honey, what's
making you so tense?

It's my job, all the pressure.

What's the big deal?
You're just working for a consumer reporter -

you're not actually
on TV yourself.

Well, it is a big deal.

All those consumers are depending
on me to do a good job.

If I'm not careful, people
could get hurt or cheated.

Look, it's Jimmy Smits!

Ma, stop that.

(doorbell)

Rose, you're gonna have to learn
how to take care of that stress.

You can't walk around in agony.

She's right.
For a bad neck,

you get into bed, lie perfectly
still and wait until it's over.

Oh, no, I'm sorry.
That's not a bad neck, that's bad sex.

Hi, Mom. Michael! Michael!
I can't believe it.

Oh, honey,
it is so good to see you.

Everybody, Michael is here.

Look, Rose, it's Michael.
I'm not falling for that again.

Hi, Blanche. Rose.

Oh, Grandma, you look
more beautiful than ever.

Relax, you're already in the will.
Now come give me a hug.

Honey, Michael, I thought
you were touring with that band.

Great news, Ma.
I quit. You quit?

You just got the job
two weeks ago.

I know, but I feel
like I'm in a rut.

Michael, how are you gonna
support your wife?

More good news -
Lorraine and I separated.

Sep-- What do you mean?

He means he and Lorraine
aren't living together.

I know what he means.

It's just a breather -
give each other space.

She threw you out, didn't she?

She changed the locks
and everything.

I mean, she even tossed all
my clothes out the window.

You can't imagine
what it's like,

searching for underwear
in the back of a convertible.

Tell me about it.

Michael, couldn't you
have tried to make it work

before you just walked away?

I tried -
God knows, I tried -

but Ma, she didn't
understand who I am.

She didn't understand
I'm a free spirit.

And that's why I like to come home
- 'cause you understand me.

It's not just because
I do your laundry?

Michael, we were just having breakfast.
Would you join us?

That's the best offer
I've had all morning.

You know, it wouldn't hurt
if you backed your kid up more.

Oh, Ma, it's just that I hate to see
Michael making all the wrong choices.

You know what I mean?
How could I know?

My children made all the right choices.
My son was a cross-dresser,

my daughter
was unmarried and pregnant.

Hell, I was the Rose
Kennedy of Brooklyn!

Rose! Honey,
it's three in the morning!

Why are you staring
at those light bulbs?

I'm running
a consumer test for work.

I have to see which one
of these lasts longer.

Rose, you ninny, don't you know staring at
light bulbs for hours is bad for your eyes?

Hey, instead of worrying
about my eyes,

I'd be more concerned with those
purple spots all over your face.

Oh, I'm sorry, Blanche.
I'm frazzled.

Not only is this due tomorrow,

but I have to make sure
this watch really is waterproof.

Honey, why don't you take
the watch off your wrist?

Come on, Blanche! Then I'd have my
hand in a bucket of water for nothing.

Rose, listen.

I don't want you to take this the wrong
way but you are driving us crazy.

Now, you've got to get some sleep.
How?

There is no way I can relax when I'm
so anxious about these work deadlines.

Learn to relax.
I learned how to relax in any situation

on that meditation retreat.

You went on a meditation retreat?
Yeah.

Was it successful?
Oh, yes.

By the end of the week 17 men
were using my name as a mantra.

OK, how do you meditate?
Well, just shut your eyes.

Now breathe deeply.

Uh-huh.

Mm-hm.

Mm-hm.

Good.

I can't.
I'm too wound up.

Blanche!
Which one went out first?

Beats me.

Oh, great. Now what am I gonna
tell Enrique Mas tomorrow?

You are going to tell him
that you are overworked.

I can't tell him that.
He'll think I can't do the job.

You can't do it, Rose -
not like this.

Now, you talk to him and tell
him you have too much to do.

If it means your job,
it means your job.

Honey, you can't go on
like this - you'll die.

Or we'll kill you.

Well, I'll think about it,
Blanche. But I'm telling you,

I'm not ready to give up the most
challenging, exciting job I've ever had.

Ma, Ma, listen to this.

"Saxophone player wanted at the
Hacienda Hut cocktail lounge."

What do you think?

I guess I could learn.

Ma, not for you -
for Michael.

For the past week all he's been
doing is hanging out at the beach

and having a good time.

Maybe this job
at the Hacienda Hut

will get him on
the right track again.

You don't want Michael working in
a place like the Hacienda Hut.

It is full of people just looking
for easy sex and cheap thrills.

But if it'll help, I could write
a letter of recommendation.

Why push Michael into a job?

Give him time to breathe.
Let him find himself.

Oh, Ma, I'm a little concerned.

He just doesn't take
commitment seriously.

Ma, he quits jobs,
he leaves relationships.

It's like they don't matter.

He is 30 years old.
When's he gonna grow up?

Why should he, when you make it
so easy for him not to?

Are you saying it's my fault?

All I'm saying is,
you have to do something,

or you're gonna end up
with a 60-year-old kid

who can't hold a job or have
a meaningful relationship,

who keeps running to you all the
time for emotional support.

Can you imagine
a man like that?

(doorbell) No, I can't.

Yes, I can.

Hi. It's me, Stan.
Come on in, Stanley.

We were just talking about you.

I thought I felt
my ears burning.

Maybe that cheap toupee
you're wearing retains heat.

Stanley, why are you here?

Michael and I
made plans for tonight.

You know, a real
father-son evening,

where we can rap and share our
feelings and create good vibes.

I can dig it.

Where are you taking him?
The Hacienda Hut.

I'll show him the town,
give him some quality time.

Maybe it'll make up for never
teaching him how to ride a bicycle.

Stanley, how come I've never
seen you at the Hacienda Hut?

I never have to stay long.
I'm a chick magnet.

That's why
they call me Mr. Lucky.

You mean, for 38 years I was Mrs.
Lucky and never knew it?

What about
the present Mrs. Lucky?

Does she know
what a maggot you are?

Magnet, Dorothy. Magnet.

Hey, Dad.
I'll be with you in a second.

Ma, could I see you
in the kitchen?

Look, Ma, I'm picking up the tab
for dinner tonight

and I feel kind of bad
because I've never treated you.

I mean, I love Dad, but you've
always been there for me.

Honey, don't worry.
I'll always be there for you.

I'm glad to hear that, Ma, because I
ran out of cash. I need to borrow $30.

$30? Michael,
you're an adult.

Do you really wanna beg
your mother for $30?

All right, fine.
Forget it. I hate this.

Whenever I need money you
make me feel like I'm asking.

All right. All right,
all right, all right.

Oh, but look,
all I have are two twenties.

Great.
We can get appetizers.

OK, let's jam.
That's my boy.

That's my dad.
That's my money.

Dorothy,
you gave him money again?

Oh! When are you
gonna realize

that you will never have a good
relationship with your children

until you stop doing
all the things for them

they should be doing
for themselves.

Dorothy, I finished your blouse.
And the socks?

Get right on it.

So what am I supposed to do?

You have to make him stand
on his own two feet.

If I were you,
I'd kick him out.

You really think
I should do that?

Kick him out.
I know it sounds hard and cruel,

but I've been reading about
that very thing.

It's called "rough love."

No, I think it's "tough love."

Well, see there? We've both come
up with something we oughta try.

Michael?
Hi, Ma. What are you doing up?

Waiting up for you.
I brought you something.

Change for my 40?

No, these little
bamboo umbrellas.

These are mine to keep, right?

I stayed up because
I want to talk to you.

I want to know
how the job hunt is going.

There's not much
out there right now.

You're sending out résumés?
Come on, Ma.

Musicians don't
send out résumés -

it's not like a job job.

No, you're right. A job job
is when you go to work regularly,

bring home a paycheck
and support yourself.

OK. Wait a minute.
What's this all about?

Michael, you are 30 years old.

I want you to find your own
place, cook your own food,

and take responsibility
for your life.

But, Ma, that takes money.

That's where
the job job comes in.

So what are you saying?
You're kicking me out?

No. I'm forcing you
to grow up.

Fine, I'll pack my things now.

No, wait a minute.
Since I sprung this on you out of the blue,

let's say you can stay here
for another week.

What, and put off growing up?

Nah.

I'm outta here.

(tape plays storm noises)

Rose, what the hell
are you listening to?

It's a relaxation tape.
The rain is supposed to relax me.

Is it working?
Not really.

I keep worrying
that I left my car windows down.

Oh, Dorothy,
I feel so helpless.

I get upset every time
I think about it.

Now, look, Rose, stop whining.

You're going to have to speak to
your boss about your workload.

Wallowing in self-pity
is not going to help.

How are you feeling, Dorothy?
My life is falling apart.

And now Rose is bothering me.

Dorothy, I'm sorry
I bothered you.

I'm sorry
I snapped at you, Rose.

It's just that I'm upset.
I am very upset.

It is because
you threw Michael out?

No, it's because
I can't make any sense

out of those commercials
for Obsession.

Of course
it's because of Michael.

You just did what you had to.

Blanche,
knowing that does not help.

I am going crazy
wondering where he is.

I mean, he could be sleeping
under a pier, for all I know.

Or in some flophouse.
Or out on the street.

Michael called.
He's staying with Stan.

Oh, God, it's even
worse than I thought!

At least he can depend
on one of this parents.

Look, Ma, I told you why...
I know, and you're wrong.

Your brother Phil
is much older than Michael

and I still send him money.
And do you know why?

Where I was brought up, you never
turn your back on family. Never.

I know, Ma.

When your crazy cousin Nunzio

started living
with his pet goat,

did the family
turn its back on him? No.

And after a couple of nights
neither did the goat.

Dorothy, this really isn't your
problem anymore. It's Michael's.

He just has to learn the things
we need to know to be an adult.

Like how to earn a living,
how to pay the rent,

how to be courteous to your Friday-night
mistake on Saturday morning.

I still have to work
on that last one myself.

Why does it have to be so hard?

The hardest part for me
was explaining to my Kirsten

the difference
between boys and girls.

I knew the time had come,
but I kept putting it off.

Finally, I decided it was time
to take the bull by the horns.

So you told her?

No, I took
the bull by the horns,

turned him around and showed
her what makes a bull a bull.

You are kidding, Rose?

No! That's how
my mother taught me.

Honey, didn't that give you
a false impression

about what a man
would look like?

It sure did.

Can you imagine my surprise on
my wedding night with Charlie?

(laughing)

Boy, that bull
would have been jealous.

I just wish somebody could tell
me I've done the right thing.

Yeah, yeah,
you've done the right thing.

Rose, tell me
more about Charlie.

Not now, Blanche.

Dorothy, I know you've
done the right thing.

In the animal kingdom,
the whole idea

is to teach offspring
to fend for themselves.

Humans are the only ones
who think it's their duty

to care for children
their entire lives.

You know, Rose, sometimes you
really say some wise things.

We're also the only species
who use corn holders

that look like corn on the cob
when we eat corn on the cob.

Oops! Spoke too soon.

Oh, Rose, is your neck
bothering you again?

Yeah. And I'm gonna do
something about it.

I'm glad you've come to your senses.
(doorbell)

There is nothing worse
than a pain in the neck.

I must be psychic.

Stanley, why are you here?
We need to talk.

Let's go in the kitchen.
Is this private?

No. I'm hungry -
you got any bagels?

Hello, Rose.

OK, Stanley, what do you wanna talk about?
It's about Michael.

What's wrong? What happened?
Why do you have so many cheesecakes?

What about Michael?

He's fine.
He's living the life of Riley.

I cook his meals, I change
his sheets, I pay his bills.

He's making my life
miserable, Dorothy.

Stanley, pull yourself together.
I'm sorry.

It's not just
the disruption to my life,

it's seeing him
do nothing with his.

Stanley, you took him in. Now it is your
problem, and you have to deal with it.

You're right. There's only one thing I
can do, and it's the hardest thing.

You're going to ask Michael
to leave your home.

No. I'm gonna ask you to ask
Michael to leave my home.

He already resents you.
Why should he be mad at me too?

I've heard enough.
Get out.

See? You're great
at throwing people out.

Stanley, you're going to have to throw
your own son out of your own house.

Dorothy, I can't.

How can I sit in judgment
of how Michael lives his life?

Here I am, a middle-aged man
selling novelties for a living.

Things could've been different

if I'd applied myself
30 years ago.

You could have
invented plastic vomit,

instead of just selling it.

Exactly. But Michael's different
- he's got real talent.

I don't want to see him waste it.
Then help him, Stan.

How?
Set an example.

Show him that it's
never too late to grow up.

You're right.

It is time for me
to show some maturity.

I'm gonna be strong, Dorothy -

not just for Michael,
but for myself.

You know something, Stanley?

This is a side of you
I rarely see.

And I must say,
it's very attractive.

Really?

You wanna fool around?

Oh, yeah.
More than anything.

What is that? Sarcasm?

I'm leaving.

More around the eyes.
I'm blending, Enrique.

I want my public to trust me.

Enrique Mas
must have honest eyes.

Try number 34. I heard Ted
Koppel uses 34 around the eyes.

(Rose) Enrique.

Rose.

Do my eyes look honest enough?

I, uh... See? The lady hesitates.
More around the eyes.

Make me Cronkite.

Enrique...

since I've been working here
I can't move my head anymore,

my back hurts, I can't sleep,
I have trouble digesting food,

I see spots before my eyes...

I'm not a doctor,
but I think it could be stress.

Please.
This sounds very important.

We should discuss this
over coffee.

Cream and sugar?
And a treat. Surprise me.

You see, that's part of it.

I can't possibly handle all
the things you give me to do.

Oh, I feel like such a failure.

Here you've trusted me
with a really important job,

and I'm just not doing it.

I know how hard your job is,
and how good you are at it.

Until you started working for
me, my neck was like that.

Well, no wonder I'm cracking.

I don't want you
to crack, Rose.

I need you.

Do you believe that?
Yes.

Enough 34.

Really, Rose, speaking from the heart and
not from the makeup, you're the best.

That's why I work you
like a dog - out of respect.

Thank you.
But I don't want to kill you.

So I'm going to hire
an assistant for you, Rose.

An assistant for me?
I can't believe it!

You can't?
I must be fading.

More 34.

Rose, first thing tomorrow
you get your assistant.

(doorbell)

I want you to know that
Dad asked me to leave.

He said he agreed with you.

I don't get it - you two
never agreed about anything.

I guess we both agree
that we love you.

Well, you have
a funny way of showing it.

Because of this, I had to call the
band and beg for my job back.

You got it?
Michael, that's wonderful.

Wonderful? It's humiliating.
Oh, Michael.

Look, I gotta catch a bus.
You got my laundry?

Michael,

I want you to know I think
what your mother did was right.

You may not see it now,
but you'll realize it later.

Well, I guess this is goodbye.

See? I came around
to your side.

You gave him money, didn't you?

It's not like it's my money.
I took it from your purse.

Oh, Ma, I don't know
if he'll ever forgive me.

The day you left me
at Shady Pines,

do you remember what I told you?
Of course.

You told me
you'd never forgive me.

But look at us now.
Everything's fine.

You're saying no matter
how bad things are

between Michael and me,
they'll change?

No. I'm saying that
when Michael is 83

and his retirement home
burns down,

your...

Oh. That's right -
you'll be dead.

See you, pussycat.