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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,627 --> 00:00:04,450 Now up on our charity ride for kids, 2 00:00:04,451 --> 00:00:09,300 we have one of our country's brightest and oldest stars, 3 00:00:09,361 --> 00:00:12,463 singer of the hit song "Unsensitive," 4 00:00:12,465 --> 00:00:15,666 Jann Arden! 5 00:00:15,668 --> 00:00:18,235 - Uh, it's IN-sensitive. - Huh? 6 00:00:18,237 --> 00:00:21,171 The song is called Insensitive. 7 00:00:23,181 --> 00:00:27,100 Well, let's see how long Jann can stay on Bert, shall we? 8 00:00:29,582 --> 00:00:33,150 - he's been a little unpredictable lately. - Ah!! 9 00:00:39,331 --> 00:00:42,325 Hey, Jann! 10 00:00:48,693 --> 00:00:50,945 You should be ashamed of yourself! 11 00:00:51,435 --> 00:00:53,354 - Shelley, Shelley, Shelley! - Mechanical bulls glorify 12 00:00:53,378 --> 00:00:55,904 - the domestication of wild creatures! - Shelley, 13 00:00:55,947 --> 00:00:59,127 - you gotta stop doing this. It's just a fun thing. - Shame! Shame! 14 00:00:59,128 --> 00:01:00,380 Oh, my God! 15 00:01:00,409 --> 00:01:02,633 Grab a seat and I'll get you some curly fries. 16 00:01:02,654 --> 00:01:05,397 Excuse me. This is not okay! 17 00:01:05,433 --> 00:01:08,167 - I'll grab an order for you too. - Yeah, you better! 18 00:01:08,232 --> 00:01:10,427 - And she'll take it to go! - Yeah! 19 00:01:10,552 --> 00:01:12,385 A lunatic! 20 00:01:12,745 --> 00:01:15,292 - Frigging lunatic! - This is outrageous. 21 00:01:15,336 --> 00:01:17,286 We could sue the stirrups off this fundraiser. 22 00:01:17,307 --> 00:01:19,730 You know what? Screw those kids, they can go to camp next year. 23 00:01:19,754 --> 00:01:21,664 Look at this mess. 24 00:01:22,344 --> 00:01:25,244 - Look at it. - Well, that's just unfortunate. 25 00:01:25,369 --> 00:01:27,325 "Die children"? 26 00:01:27,748 --> 00:01:30,829 - I look like a monster! - Your eyes look pretty in that one. 27 00:01:30,865 --> 00:01:33,154 - I'm a good person. - The most good. 28 00:01:33,161 --> 00:01:35,665 I need to be the face of a charity. 29 00:01:35,708 --> 00:01:37,702 You need to get me some of those sad orphan dogs 30 00:01:37,725 --> 00:01:39,850 - like Sarah McLachlan. - Something powerful 31 00:01:39,867 --> 00:01:42,285 - Yes! Yes! - ... and uplifting. I'm on it! 32 00:01:49,672 --> 00:01:52,200 So, do you guys want to go to that grilled cheese place for lunch? 33 00:01:52,224 --> 00:01:54,053 - Sure! - Yeah. 34 00:01:54,090 --> 00:01:56,360 We'll just have to wait until Maxie gets here. 35 00:01:56,406 --> 00:01:59,496 - What? - I left my purse at her house yesterday. 36 00:01:59,510 --> 00:02:02,729 No, Gram, Mom doesn't know that I dropped out of university! 37 00:02:02,738 --> 00:02:04,544 And she definitely doesn't know that I suggested it. 38 00:02:04,553 --> 00:02:06,902 What did I tell you girls about lying? 39 00:02:07,105 --> 00:02:09,444 - That our boobs would fall off. - Yeah. 40 00:02:09,461 --> 00:02:11,951 You believed it for much longer than I thought you would. 41 00:02:11,956 --> 00:02:14,300 Oh my god, she's here! She's here! 42 00:02:14,305 --> 00:02:15,673 Okay, just follow my lead. 43 00:02:15,675 --> 00:02:18,919 I am the worst liar in the world. She's gonna see right through. 44 00:02:19,748 --> 00:02:21,622 This isn't a hickey. 45 00:02:21,747 --> 00:02:24,036 The central vac attacked me. 46 00:02:24,100 --> 00:02:25,708 You don't have central vac. 47 00:02:25,915 --> 00:02:28,360 We don't? We should get it. 48 00:02:28,545 --> 00:02:30,262 Get into the panic room. 49 00:02:30,538 --> 00:02:31,731 The laundry room? 50 00:02:31,736 --> 00:02:33,817 - That is where I go to panic. - Okay, okay. 51 00:02:33,942 --> 00:02:37,226 - This will not end well. - Act normal. 52 00:02:38,322 --> 00:02:41,002 - Oh, hi, Maxie! - Hi, Mom. 53 00:02:41,527 --> 00:02:43,531 - Here's your purse. - Thank you. 54 00:02:43,563 --> 00:02:45,599 Thanks for dropping by! Take care. 55 00:02:46,078 --> 00:02:48,713 Okay... Just a reminder that you're bringing Mom 56 00:02:48,731 --> 00:02:50,873 - to the birthday on Saturday. - I know. 57 00:02:51,061 --> 00:02:52,801 - Okay. - 75 and still alive! 58 00:02:52,815 --> 00:02:55,670 - Definitely worth celebrating. Right, Mom? - If you say so. 59 00:02:55,795 --> 00:02:58,756 Anyway, just come after 5. Dave's making Mock-Chicken Wellington. 60 00:02:58,793 --> 00:03:00,368 - What the hell is Mock - Chicken Wellington? 61 00:03:00,386 --> 00:03:02,772 I have no idea. He's obsessed with Pinterest right now. 62 00:03:02,786 --> 00:03:05,637 Anyway, he offered to help and I could use all the help I can get. 63 00:03:05,651 --> 00:03:08,510 - I don't have time to plan a party right now. - I'll do it. 64 00:03:08,745 --> 00:03:09,809 Yeah... 65 00:03:09,887 --> 00:03:13,545 I'm serious. 'Cause I think you're having a breakdown. 66 00:03:13,627 --> 00:03:15,101 I'm not having a breakdown. 67 00:03:15,122 --> 00:03:17,105 - You've got breakdown face. - Okay. 68 00:03:17,230 --> 00:03:19,055 - I'm a good person. - Well... 69 00:03:19,180 --> 00:03:22,303 - I'll do it at the big house. - Okay, fine. Fine. 70 00:03:22,333 --> 00:03:24,763 You do it. It'll be me, Dave, and the girls. 71 00:03:24,788 --> 00:03:26,734 Charley can't come, she has finals. 72 00:03:27,130 --> 00:03:28,747 That is so sad. 73 00:03:28,768 --> 00:03:30,819 But we are still gonna have a great time, right, Mom? 74 00:03:30,836 --> 00:03:33,127 We are going to have the birthday of your dreams. 75 00:03:33,148 --> 00:03:36,136 - Great. It'll probably be my last. - Exactly! 76 00:03:36,144 --> 00:03:37,596 So let's make it count! 77 00:03:38,891 --> 00:03:40,127 Did she know? 78 00:03:40,287 --> 00:03:42,959 - She knows, doesn't she? - Can you calm the hell down? 79 00:03:43,084 --> 00:03:44,526 I think I'm getting an ulcer. 80 00:03:45,187 --> 00:03:49,010 You and your mom are both so annoying in such different ways. 81 00:03:49,135 --> 00:03:51,686 First things first: we got a party to plan. 82 00:03:55,003 --> 00:03:57,442 Oh, my lord. Okay. 83 00:03:57,567 --> 00:04:00,105 We got decorations, we got supplies... 84 00:04:00,135 --> 00:04:04,304 I'm just waiting for confirmation on the gift bags, 85 00:04:04,329 --> 00:04:07,396 the catering and the Cirque Du Soleil guy. 86 00:04:07,405 --> 00:04:09,785 I just want to celebrate with family. 87 00:04:09,823 --> 00:04:14,316 - That is boring, Mom! - Oh, well, you could invite Cynthia. 88 00:04:14,321 --> 00:04:15,854 I haven't seen her in such a long time. 89 00:04:15,858 --> 00:04:17,458 You'd think the two of you had broken up! 90 00:04:17,521 --> 00:04:19,466 You know, she is busy with work 91 00:04:19,483 --> 00:04:21,778 and whatnot. I will reach out to her 92 00:04:21,800 --> 00:04:23,998 and see if she's available, but no promises, alright? 93 00:04:24,123 --> 00:04:26,553 What a tangled web you weave. 94 00:04:26,611 --> 00:04:27,872 Zip it! 95 00:04:30,823 --> 00:04:32,030 Hey, Todd. 96 00:04:32,427 --> 00:04:34,380 I got you your sad orphan dogs! 97 00:04:34,410 --> 00:04:35,879 Oh, good! Tell me about it. 98 00:04:35,904 --> 00:04:39,170 It's a rare illness that desperately needs funding to find a cure. 99 00:04:39,295 --> 00:04:42,089 They want to use your face and music for an awareness campaign. 100 00:04:42,136 --> 00:04:44,035 Sounds... great... 101 00:04:44,976 --> 00:04:46,541 But I should tell you... 102 00:04:46,571 --> 00:04:48,343 Could you just call me back? 103 00:04:48,394 --> 00:04:51,668 - Because, we'll fill in the gaps later. Bye! - Jann! 104 00:04:52,900 --> 00:04:54,466 Ja... 105 00:04:55,302 --> 00:04:58,155 Okay, I've successfully booked the animal balloon guy. 106 00:04:58,218 --> 00:04:59,889 The girls are gonna love that. 107 00:04:59,890 --> 00:05:02,853 I have this one last thing I need to do. 108 00:05:03,869 --> 00:05:05,317 Ahem! 109 00:05:08,958 --> 00:05:11,052 - Hi, Jann. - Hey, Cynthia! 110 00:05:11,136 --> 00:05:14,242 How are you? I hope you're well. 111 00:05:14,288 --> 00:05:18,124 How are you doing... little lady? 112 00:05:18,146 --> 00:05:21,948 Uh... yeah. I might be living my best life, to be honest. 113 00:05:24,294 --> 00:05:27,594 Great! It's so nice to hear your voice. 114 00:05:29,890 --> 00:05:30,928 So what's up? 115 00:05:30,975 --> 00:05:35,263 Um, I'm hosting my mom's 75th birthday tomorrow 116 00:05:35,757 --> 00:05:37,238 at my house and... 117 00:05:37,247 --> 00:05:38,567 she specifically asked for you to come. 118 00:05:38,584 --> 00:05:40,938 She was very specific about it. 119 00:05:41,165 --> 00:05:42,533 Specifically. 120 00:05:42,697 --> 00:05:44,646 Oh... that's sweet of Nora, 121 00:05:44,651 --> 00:05:47,524 - but I don't know if it's a good idea. - That's fair. 122 00:05:47,794 --> 00:05:51,726 But it would mean a lot to m... Mom if you could come. 123 00:05:52,131 --> 00:05:54,613 Okay. I'll pop by for a bit. 124 00:05:54,874 --> 00:05:56,064 Great. 125 00:05:56,246 --> 00:05:57,997 - I'll see you then. - Great. 126 00:05:59,005 --> 00:06:01,761 Okay, byeeeeeee. Bye. Bye. 127 00:06:03,036 --> 00:06:06,733 So, decorations are done. Gram's taking a nap... 128 00:06:08,058 --> 00:06:10,662 - Gotcha! - Do you need me to do anything else? 129 00:06:10,674 --> 00:06:14,468 Nope. I can take care of this on my own. 130 00:06:15,119 --> 00:06:17,675 - "Okay, byeeeeeee"! - Zip it! 131 00:06:29,895 --> 00:06:31,313 This is bear spray! 132 00:06:31,385 --> 00:06:32,626 Hello, Mercer. 133 00:06:32,706 --> 00:06:34,807 - Who told you where I was? - You did! 134 00:06:35,238 --> 00:06:37,018 Your photos are Geo-tagged. 135 00:06:40,549 --> 00:06:42,359 Okay, I need a favour. 136 00:06:42,562 --> 00:06:44,009 I'm kind of busy here, Jann. 137 00:06:44,022 --> 00:06:46,014 You know what, I was busy for 15 years too, 138 00:06:46,035 --> 00:06:49,930 but that did not stop me from repeatedly saving your show. 139 00:06:50,055 --> 00:06:53,833 - What do you want? - Okay, my mom is having a 75th birthday party 140 00:06:53,875 --> 00:06:56,086 and I need you to roast her. 141 00:06:56,314 --> 00:06:59,260 That doesn't even make any sense. I don't do roasts. 142 00:06:59,450 --> 00:07:00,931 Well, you do now. 143 00:07:01,914 --> 00:07:03,327 Okay, you wouldn't do that. 144 00:07:03,826 --> 00:07:06,185 - Try me. - What's on that memory stick... 145 00:07:06,244 --> 00:07:08,565 you don't want that made public any more than I do. 146 00:07:08,590 --> 00:07:10,672 I'm barely featured on this thing. You, on the other hand, 147 00:07:10,696 --> 00:07:13,330 were always attracted to the spotlight, even back then. 148 00:07:14,666 --> 00:07:16,919 Okay. I'll come to your party. 149 00:07:17,223 --> 00:07:19,048 I'll say some nice things, I'll do some jokes. 150 00:07:19,049 --> 00:07:21,400 Ten minutes, okay? Then I get that back. 151 00:07:21,438 --> 00:07:23,028 You know what? Tight five. 152 00:07:23,041 --> 00:07:25,497 And then we will see, Mercer. We will see. 153 00:07:27,392 --> 00:07:30,725 Anyway, thank you so much for doing this. I really appreciate. 154 00:07:30,734 --> 00:07:32,164 My mom's gonna love it. 155 00:07:32,289 --> 00:07:34,278 Don't bring anything, just yourself. 156 00:07:34,341 --> 00:07:35,560 I'll bring flowers. 157 00:07:35,577 --> 00:07:37,230 And a restraining order. 158 00:07:38,261 --> 00:07:40,198 I'm a show-er, not a grow-er! 159 00:07:40,882 --> 00:07:42,452 Is this north? 160 00:07:49,247 --> 00:07:51,952 - I love this place! - Hello! 161 00:07:52,019 --> 00:07:54,981 - Where is the birthday girl? - Hi, hi. 162 00:07:55,567 --> 00:07:58,014 - What is all this? - What do you mean? 163 00:07:58,139 --> 00:08:00,449 I thought we were just having a little private family dinner. 164 00:08:00,470 --> 00:08:02,905 - You guys are kind of early. - This looks like a Vegas after party. 165 00:08:02,922 --> 00:08:05,678 - I had the best time filling up helium balloons today. - That's a... 166 00:08:05,876 --> 00:08:06,974 big pineapple. 167 00:08:06,995 --> 00:08:10,147 I love it. I got everything so cheap, like at a dollar store. 168 00:08:10,164 --> 00:08:12,924 - Okay. - Anyway, I just thought I'd kick it up a notch. 169 00:08:12,945 --> 00:08:17,089 It looks fantastic. Do not eat a that candy! 170 00:08:17,156 --> 00:08:18,341 Jann, what is the theme 171 00:08:18,346 --> 00:08:20,769 - of this party, exactly? - Okay, is that not obvious to you, Dave? 172 00:08:20,793 --> 00:08:22,270 - Sure isn't. - No, not really. 173 00:08:22,287 --> 00:08:24,215 Okay, anyway... 174 00:08:24,228 --> 00:08:27,401 This is crazy. You've gone so over the top. Where is our mother? 175 00:08:27,423 --> 00:08:30,014 Oh god, she's around here somewhere. She's probably with... 176 00:08:30,139 --> 00:08:31,566 she's probably with Charley. Did I 177 00:08:31,583 --> 00:08:33,486 - forget to tell you at Charley was here? - Charley? 178 00:08:33,503 --> 00:08:34,946 But I thought she had finals. 179 00:08:34,967 --> 00:08:36,125 God, I love this cake so much. 180 00:08:36,149 --> 00:08:37,706 Did you make this at home? What a great picture. 181 00:08:37,719 --> 00:08:39,943 Why don't you set that on the cake table right over there? 182 00:08:39,951 --> 00:08:41,778 - Okay... - So cute. On the cake table. 183 00:08:41,816 --> 00:08:42,931 Okay! 184 00:08:43,353 --> 00:08:44,965 Hey, no, no, no, no, no! 185 00:08:44,973 --> 00:08:47,455 - I just had this right. - Is that cake? 186 00:08:47,502 --> 00:08:50,351 No, baby, that's ego. Don't touch it. 187 00:08:50,586 --> 00:08:52,856 - Wow. - Yeah, wow. 188 00:08:53,594 --> 00:08:54,919 - Hi. - Hey. 189 00:08:54,949 --> 00:08:58,054 - Is Rick Mercer here yet? - Yes, he is! 190 00:08:58,092 --> 00:09:00,907 How often does your dog take antidepressants? 191 00:09:01,032 --> 00:09:02,780 - Once a day. - Every day? 192 00:09:02,801 --> 00:09:05,038 Every day. Sometimes twice a day. 193 00:09:05,088 --> 00:09:06,287 I can see that. 194 00:09:06,312 --> 00:09:07,928 Your eyes are creeping me out. 195 00:09:08,127 --> 00:09:09,604 What? No. 196 00:09:09,625 --> 00:09:12,427 I mean yeah, I'm a fan, but I'm not crazy. 197 00:09:15,576 --> 00:09:17,681 - What's going on? - Nothing, I just think 198 00:09:17,702 --> 00:09:19,969 that Rick is the greatest political satirist to ever live 199 00:09:19,989 --> 00:09:22,241 and that he has the face of valiant, distinguished cherub. 200 00:09:22,263 --> 00:09:24,604 Holy Moly! You need to have a drink. 201 00:09:25,686 --> 00:09:28,899 - I'll tone it down. - Honestly, you're kind of embarrassing me. 202 00:09:28,916 --> 00:09:30,223 Get it together. 203 00:09:31,738 --> 00:09:34,536 Listen, Rick being here is a huge opportunity for you. 204 00:09:34,553 --> 00:09:36,042 He has 2 million followers 205 00:09:36,055 --> 00:09:37,934 and if you can live stream with him for a full minute, 206 00:09:37,958 --> 00:09:39,827 you'll see a 6% bump in YOUR followers. 207 00:09:39,844 --> 00:09:42,292 So you want me to exploit my friend's fame 208 00:09:42,313 --> 00:09:44,372 to make myself seem more relevant? 209 00:09:44,940 --> 00:09:46,934 - Bingo. - Done. How does live streaming work? 210 00:09:46,955 --> 00:09:48,310 You just leave it to me. 211 00:09:48,812 --> 00:09:50,967 Great. 212 00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:53,393 So great. 213 00:09:53,518 --> 00:09:55,815 What exactly is the theme of this party? 214 00:09:55,863 --> 00:09:58,131 Why does everybody keep asking me that? 215 00:09:58,173 --> 00:10:02,198 Babe, are these hats supposed to look like... 216 00:10:02,424 --> 00:10:05,104 - I think they're supposed to be ducks? - Ducks? 217 00:10:05,135 --> 00:10:06,702 The man called them dicks. 218 00:10:06,998 --> 00:10:08,759 Is a dick a boy duck? 219 00:10:09,129 --> 00:10:10,843 It's um... You know what? 220 00:10:10,865 --> 00:10:13,428 You guys should go and find something to eat. 221 00:10:13,460 --> 00:10:14,747 Focus on something nutritional. 222 00:10:14,752 --> 00:10:16,809 - Things that grow out of the ground. - Come on, girls, let's go. 223 00:10:16,830 --> 00:10:18,866 Okay. I'll hold your dicks... ducks. Ducks. 224 00:10:18,991 --> 00:10:20,833 - Can you hold my duck? - Okay. 225 00:10:25,412 --> 00:10:28,487 - Hi, Mom! - My Char-Char! 226 00:10:29,885 --> 00:10:31,283 So, 227 00:10:31,473 --> 00:10:33,551 - all done with finals? - Mm-hmm. 228 00:10:33,577 --> 00:10:35,846 - I bet you aced 'em. - Mmm. 229 00:10:36,072 --> 00:10:38,314 This party's a little bit much, don't you think? 230 00:10:38,378 --> 00:10:41,837 - Yeah, it cost a fortune. - How do you know how much it cost? 231 00:10:41,962 --> 00:10:43,500 Guess? 232 00:10:43,848 --> 00:10:47,035 I mean, the sheer amount of guacamole here... 233 00:10:47,251 --> 00:10:49,118 Why didn't you tell me you were gonna be here? 234 00:10:49,140 --> 00:10:51,735 - I would've picked you up. - Oh, I mean... I was going to, 235 00:10:51,750 --> 00:10:55,659 but then I dropped my phone down this deep, deep well 236 00:10:55,701 --> 00:10:58,718 and it took me three hours 237 00:10:58,765 --> 00:11:01,366 to fish it out with my shoelace. 238 00:11:03,049 --> 00:11:05,496 What? What?! 239 00:11:05,675 --> 00:11:07,616 Please stop staring at me like that. 240 00:11:07,664 --> 00:11:09,732 Are your boobs tingling at all? 241 00:11:09,922 --> 00:11:12,279 - Be careful, they might fall off. - What? 242 00:11:16,346 --> 00:11:17,897 Hello? 243 00:11:24,849 --> 00:11:26,404 Oh my god. 244 00:11:28,868 --> 00:11:30,314 Thank you. 245 00:11:33,446 --> 00:11:35,108 Oh no, thank you. 246 00:11:35,583 --> 00:11:37,371 No, really, I'm good. 247 00:11:37,798 --> 00:11:39,016 I'm claustrophobic! 248 00:11:39,090 --> 00:11:41,011 - Cynthia? Hi! - Hi. 249 00:11:41,084 --> 00:11:44,354 - What are you doing here? - Jann asked me to swing by. 250 00:11:44,417 --> 00:11:46,818 Maybe we shouldn't talk in front of... ? 251 00:11:46,839 --> 00:11:51,027 Oh no, he's a mime, he literally can't speak, that's his whole... vibe. 252 00:11:51,058 --> 00:11:53,917 I really wanted to wish your mom a happy birthday. 253 00:11:53,933 --> 00:11:55,338 And I won't tell Jann that you and I 254 00:11:55,362 --> 00:11:57,245 have been hanging out at the spa together. I can keep a secret. 255 00:11:57,266 --> 00:11:59,376 - Yes. - Okay. 256 00:11:59,450 --> 00:12:01,132 Seriously, go away. 257 00:12:02,367 --> 00:12:03,649 It's really nice that you came. 258 00:12:03,670 --> 00:12:05,716 My mom is gonna be so happy to see you. 259 00:12:05,737 --> 00:12:07,473 Thank you. 260 00:12:07,826 --> 00:12:09,440 - Right. - Okay. 261 00:12:09,565 --> 00:12:11,519 Okay, you go. 262 00:12:22,548 --> 00:12:24,135 Cale, you want me to take a picture of you two? 263 00:12:24,136 --> 00:12:26,135 No. No, I do not. 264 00:12:26,731 --> 00:12:28,502 I just thought you should know 265 00:12:28,571 --> 00:12:30,053 I closed a deal today. 266 00:12:30,834 --> 00:12:33,413 Jann's the new face of Hyperhidrosis. 267 00:12:33,983 --> 00:12:37,020 She's going to make a huge difference in the lives of sick people. 268 00:12:37,616 --> 00:12:39,674 Cool, I guess. 269 00:12:41,019 --> 00:12:43,498 Not as cool as your flour bomb stunt, though. 270 00:12:44,173 --> 00:12:46,610 Are you... being sincere? 271 00:12:46,631 --> 00:12:50,124 - It's almost impossible to tell. - Yes. This is me sincere. 272 00:12:51,755 --> 00:12:53,726 I actually wish I had thought of that myself. 273 00:12:53,851 --> 00:12:55,340 Now when you Google "flour bomb" 274 00:12:55,351 --> 00:12:57,323 you get Kardashians, Jenners, and JANN! 275 00:12:57,448 --> 00:12:59,343 That's the kind of status we're looking for. 276 00:12:59,468 --> 00:13:01,047 Great work, Todd. 277 00:13:02,487 --> 00:13:03,701 Thank you, Cale. 278 00:13:03,743 --> 00:13:05,822 And actually, yes, you can take a picture of me and Rick. 279 00:13:05,832 --> 00:13:07,451 Just take like a thousand. 280 00:13:11,554 --> 00:13:14,487 I've never seen you smile before. It looks weird. 281 00:13:14,612 --> 00:13:16,345 Here's your present, Mom. 282 00:13:16,355 --> 00:13:19,362 - Rick Mercer! - Hello, Nora. 283 00:13:19,441 --> 00:13:20,886 Happy birthday. 284 00:13:20,933 --> 00:13:23,502 - Thank you. - Wow, you look the same age. 285 00:13:23,544 --> 00:13:27,770 - Oh, Rick! - Come with me. Beer, wine, vodka? 286 00:13:29,859 --> 00:13:31,789 - Hi. - Hi. 287 00:13:32,011 --> 00:13:33,910 This is such a cute cake. 288 00:13:33,947 --> 00:13:36,083 It's so thoughtful. So much work went into this. 289 00:13:36,104 --> 00:13:37,233 No, this isn't cake. 290 00:13:37,265 --> 00:13:39,702 I don't know where the hell this came from. Excuse me, 291 00:13:39,734 --> 00:13:41,448 you mind throwing this in the garage? 292 00:13:41,475 --> 00:13:43,510 - That's not the cake? - No, this is the cake. 293 00:13:43,635 --> 00:13:45,503 Oh, I didn't realise that was a cake. 294 00:13:46,970 --> 00:13:48,600 Love the polish. 295 00:13:48,626 --> 00:13:50,293 I always loved you in red. 296 00:13:50,778 --> 00:13:53,067 - This is a really great party. - Thank you. 297 00:13:53,120 --> 00:13:56,343 - It's good to see you. - Oh my god, is that a cake? 298 00:13:56,527 --> 00:13:59,417 You're kinda drunk. Hand it over. 299 00:14:00,108 --> 00:14:02,513 So when does Rick start the roast of your mom? 300 00:14:02,524 --> 00:14:04,797 - He's the only reason why I'm here. - Okay, soon. 301 00:14:04,813 --> 00:14:07,091 How exactly did you get Rick to perform 302 00:14:07,112 --> 00:14:08,652 at an elderly woman's birthday party? 303 00:14:08,716 --> 00:14:11,822 Rick and I go way back. We have a very long history. 304 00:14:11,865 --> 00:14:14,127 - Like what? - Like things Rick doesn't want you to know, 305 00:14:14,153 --> 00:14:16,469 - if you know what I mean. - I don't. 306 00:14:16,506 --> 00:14:19,455 Okay. On here, there may or may not be a sex tape 307 00:14:19,580 --> 00:14:22,182 that Rick and I had the misfortune of making. 308 00:14:23,178 --> 00:14:25,795 I absolutely cannot imagine what that must have looked like. 309 00:14:25,837 --> 00:14:27,625 It was before I discovered the elliptical 310 00:14:27,641 --> 00:14:30,468 and my arse may have looked like a bag of apples. 311 00:14:30,494 --> 00:14:32,188 Now the picture's coming into focus. 312 00:14:32,225 --> 00:14:35,035 So you're blackmailing Rick Mercer 313 00:14:35,067 --> 00:14:37,166 into performing at your mother's birthday? 314 00:14:37,520 --> 00:14:40,991 I like it. Just a heads up, though, if you hurt him 315 00:14:41,012 --> 00:14:44,330 - in ANY way, I will fight you in the street. - Noted. 316 00:14:44,652 --> 00:14:46,757 Gimme your phone. Phone! 317 00:14:46,825 --> 00:14:50,591 You gotta start the live stream now, before Rick starts to perform. 318 00:14:51,008 --> 00:14:55,122 - Oh, that's it. - Yeah. Just aim it at Rick when he speaks. 319 00:14:55,840 --> 00:14:57,792 Right, okay. 320 00:14:57,917 --> 00:15:00,687 - Sorry. - No, you're busy. 321 00:15:00,714 --> 00:15:03,282 Uh, where were we? 322 00:15:03,407 --> 00:15:05,566 I think you are wearing the perfume 323 00:15:05,587 --> 00:15:07,629 that I bought you on our trip to Greece. 324 00:15:08,088 --> 00:15:10,330 - It's still my favourite. - Hey! 325 00:15:10,455 --> 00:15:13,004 Your new charity sent a mock of the first PSA they're doing, 326 00:15:13,019 --> 00:15:14,713 starring YOU. 327 00:15:14,760 --> 00:15:16,506 Cynthia, you have to see this. 328 00:15:16,517 --> 00:15:20,008 I am the face of a new charity that is going to be helping... 329 00:15:20,298 --> 00:15:22,857 - sick people. - Wonderful! 330 00:15:24,265 --> 00:15:26,006 Alright. 331 00:15:26,591 --> 00:15:28,168 - _ - Hyper what? 332 00:15:29,023 --> 00:15:31,587 _ 333 00:15:32,046 --> 00:15:33,591 Okay... 334 00:15:33,934 --> 00:15:36,128 _ 335 00:15:37,420 --> 00:15:39,404 _ 336 00:15:39,425 --> 00:15:42,426 Oh my god! What kind of sick people am I helping? 337 00:15:42,990 --> 00:15:45,697 Hyperhidrosis is an excessive sweating disorder. 338 00:15:45,745 --> 00:15:47,965 It affects 3% of the population, maybe more. 339 00:15:48,002 --> 00:15:51,404 The numbers might be skewed, there's just so much shame attached. 340 00:15:51,431 --> 00:15:52,686 Okay, gimme a break. 341 00:15:52,728 --> 00:15:54,901 They can destroy a beautiful pair of leather shoes 342 00:15:54,917 --> 00:15:57,122 - in a matter of days. - Ew! 343 00:15:57,247 --> 00:15:58,873 - _ - Okay! 344 00:15:58,899 --> 00:16:02,644 My god, I don't want my face connected to drippy armpits! 345 00:16:02,665 --> 00:16:06,241 - Jann! - We're here to wish Nora a happy birthday. 346 00:16:06,262 --> 00:16:08,604 Not now, Mercer! Read the room! 347 00:16:12,502 --> 00:16:14,923 I'm really sorry about that outburst. 348 00:16:16,455 --> 00:16:18,552 Things are a little bit tense right now. 349 00:16:18,610 --> 00:16:20,462 - Sorry about my aunt. - That's okay. 350 00:16:20,520 --> 00:16:23,400 I'm sorry about your aunt too. It's all good. 351 00:16:23,458 --> 00:16:26,328 - Oh! - How are you feeling about tonight? 352 00:16:26,453 --> 00:16:27,747 You know, I have to hand it to Jann, 353 00:16:27,757 --> 00:16:29,392 I think she really pulled it off. This party's great. 354 00:16:29,403 --> 00:16:31,681 Damn straight. You know that there's a burrito bar? 355 00:16:31,739 --> 00:16:33,928 - How many have you had? - Like five. 356 00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:35,906 - Do I have to cut you off? - No, please don. 357 00:16:35,943 --> 00:16:37,773 Get out of here so I can take sneaky pictures 358 00:16:37,784 --> 00:16:39,572 of our daughter with a TV star. 359 00:16:39,920 --> 00:16:42,030 - You gonna tag me in those? - Yes. 360 00:16:42,252 --> 00:16:45,701 Jann tells me you dropped out of college? Why would you do that? 361 00:16:45,826 --> 00:16:48,882 I mean, school isn't for the creative types like us, right? 362 00:16:48,888 --> 00:16:51,592 No, that's not true. That sounds like something Jann would say. 363 00:16:51,608 --> 00:16:54,071 Well, yeah. When she said dropping out of university 364 00:16:54,082 --> 00:16:57,352 was the right thing to do, I was like, "Bye, further education!" 365 00:16:57,541 --> 00:16:58,887 Jann! 366 00:16:58,939 --> 00:17:01,750 You convinced your niece to drop out of college?! 367 00:17:03,211 --> 00:17:04,825 I'm sorry, WHAT!? 368 00:17:05,485 --> 00:17:07,814 - They didn't know? - No! 369 00:17:08,302 --> 00:17:10,069 Thank you. 370 00:17:13,498 --> 00:17:15,434 - What part did you hear? - All of it. 371 00:17:15,455 --> 00:17:16,753 Every bit. 372 00:17:16,810 --> 00:17:19,986 - You've been lying to me? - I'm not lying to you. 373 00:17:20,007 --> 00:17:22,613 Stop embarrassing yourself. 374 00:17:22,661 --> 00:17:25,467 - Why are my palms so sweaty? - Maybe you have Hyperhidrosis! 375 00:17:25,525 --> 00:17:26,801 That's not it. 376 00:17:27,055 --> 00:17:29,502 I can't believe you convinced my daughter to drop out of school! 377 00:17:29,518 --> 00:17:31,475 Okay, I can explain everything. 378 00:17:31,600 --> 00:17:33,671 You've been lying to me? How long has this been going on? 379 00:17:33,695 --> 00:17:37,292 We probably should've told you a lot sooner. Oh, hey, 380 00:17:37,318 --> 00:17:40,415 - nice nail polish, Max. - Stop changing the subject. 381 00:17:40,436 --> 00:17:44,423 What are the odds that you and Cynthia have identical manicures? 382 00:17:44,465 --> 00:17:47,815 In "Dragon's Breath", my favourite colour of polish?! 383 00:17:47,836 --> 00:17:51,870 - It's a coincidence. - Hm-hm. She's lying. Her too. 384 00:17:51,897 --> 00:17:54,401 Been secretly hanging out at a spa together. 385 00:17:54,526 --> 00:17:55,799 What?! 386 00:17:55,820 --> 00:17:58,716 How long have you two been lying to ME? 387 00:18:00,072 --> 00:18:02,240 Okay, as I was saying, 388 00:18:02,290 --> 00:18:05,291 - this is beautiful Nora... - SIT YOUR ASS DOWN, MERCER! 389 00:18:05,948 --> 00:18:08,100 Not the time! 390 00:18:08,564 --> 00:18:11,667 No one gives a crap! Honestly! 391 00:18:11,699 --> 00:18:13,329 Please! 392 00:18:14,263 --> 00:18:15,772 Okay. 393 00:18:16,231 --> 00:18:17,618 _ 394 00:18:17,634 --> 00:18:19,281 - _ - Excuse me. Coming through. 395 00:18:19,406 --> 00:18:21,896 This has been live streaming this whole time, 396 00:18:22,021 --> 00:18:23,816 so you need to clear your day tomorrow 397 00:18:23,832 --> 00:18:27,065 'cause we have a lot of damage control to attend to. 398 00:18:43,585 --> 00:18:46,228 Okay, everybody get out. 399 00:18:47,042 --> 00:18:48,948 Okay, bye-bye! 400 00:18:49,574 --> 00:18:53,365 - This better be the last copy. - I love you. 401 00:19:01,936 --> 00:19:03,992 I'm sorry, Mom. 402 00:19:03,993 --> 00:19:06,394 I just wanted to give you a birthday that 403 00:19:06,519 --> 00:19:09,862 you'd just remember and cherish. 404 00:19:11,828 --> 00:19:13,824 You should sing to her. 405 00:19:14,221 --> 00:19:16,496 Would you like that, Mom? 406 00:19:17,230 --> 00:19:19,621 Max, will you sing Mom's song with me? 407 00:19:20,083 --> 00:19:22,694 Okay. You start. 408 00:19:25,654 --> 00:19:28,424 You'll remember this, Mom. 409 00:19:31,054 --> 00:19:35,689 ♪ We have been together ♪ 410 00:19:35,814 --> 00:19:39,760 ♪ A long, long time ♪ 411 00:19:40,450 --> 00:19:45,322 ♪ We have been inseparable ♪ 412 00:19:45,371 --> 00:19:49,055 ♪ Mother mine ♪ 413 00:19:49,888 --> 00:19:53,259 ♪ You're my heart ♪ 414 00:19:53,309 --> 00:19:58,712 ♪ And that's never gonna change ♪ 415 00:19:59,103 --> 00:20:04,138 ♪ You're the brightest part of me ♪ 416 00:20:04,146 --> 00:20:08,695 ♪ Every single ♪ 417 00:20:08,820 --> 00:20:11,514 ♪ Day ♪ 418 00:20:13,047 --> 00:20:16,035 - Happy birthday, Mom. - Oh, thank you. 419 00:20:16,088 --> 00:20:18,686 Thank you both. 420 00:20:20,407 --> 00:20:21,896 When I said I didn't believe in psychics, 421 00:20:21,905 --> 00:20:23,550 I didn't realise you were a psychic. 422 00:20:23,563 --> 00:20:24,803 I mean, I believe in psychics, 423 00:20:24,812 --> 00:20:26,993 I believe you're here and that you are a psychic, 424 00:20:27,019 --> 00:20:29,606 but I just never asked them anything. 425 00:20:30,985 --> 00:20:32,289 How long do I have? 426 00:20:32,319 --> 00:20:35,915 I always felt bad about mimes because people felt that it was okay 427 00:20:35,927 --> 00:20:37,413 to discriminate against you, 428 00:20:37,620 --> 00:20:39,295 but I'm getting that now. 429 00:20:39,345 --> 00:20:42,451 Wow. What kind of roadkill do you get around here? 430 00:20:43,008 --> 00:20:46,363 - Coyote, elk, horses. - Horses? 431 00:20:46,405 --> 00:20:49,259 Trust me, she's a friend of mine. You now know where she lives. 432 00:20:49,296 --> 00:20:51,543 Every time you drive by, knock on the door, 433 00:20:51,571 --> 00:20:53,543 ask her if she needs a mariachi band. 434 00:20:55,166 --> 00:21:00,166 - Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com - 33282

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