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# You must remember this
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#A kiss is still a kiss
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#A sigh is just a sigh
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# The fundamental things apply
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#As time goes by #
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Telephone!
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Telephone!
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- I'm answering it
- Oh, get out of my way
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Hello? Who?
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Oh, yes, how are you?
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What?
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Well, you better tell Alistair
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Oh Oh, no, of course you can't Right
14
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Well
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No Yeah Well, c'est la vie, all right Yes
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Well, goodbye
17
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And good luck
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- Who's that?
- The best man He's broken his leg
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- That's bad luck
- Bad luck? The man's a fool
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That's a bit harsh Who is the best man, anyway?
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Was, was, was Gaston somebody or other
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- He's a ski instructor
- Can't be very good if he's broken his leg
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No, that's why I said he was a fool
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Well, why phone here? Why not phone Alistair?
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Because he's on his way to hospital,
and contrary to all the laws of nature,
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Alistair's mobile is switched off
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- Oh, that's right He's gone to see his man again
- What man?
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- His Harley Street man
- What about? His toe?
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Yeah, I suppose so
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Well, he went before
He said there was no problem
31
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Why does he have to see him again?
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Well, I don't know
I'm not an expert on toes, am I?
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Well, you'll have to do it
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- Do what?
- Be best man
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I'm giving the bride away
I can't walk down the aisle with Judy
36
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and then nip round
and give Alistair the ring, can I?
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Well, perhaps nobody would notice
38
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They would notice, wouldn't they?
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- Who are you phoning?
- Well, I'm trying Alistair again
40
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Judy!
41
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Yes, I'm coming
42
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You know, for a small woman,
your mother's got a very loud voice
43
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I wonder what she's panicking about now
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She was right You are calm
45
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Yeah, well, one of the happy couple has to be
46
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One?
47
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Yeah I mean, Alistair's been very odd lately
48
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- Odder than usual?
- Yes
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Oh, I don't know
He just seems to get very emotional very quickly
50
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- Judy!
- That's happiness
51
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No, not really
He keeps looking as if he wants to cry
52
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- Oh?
- Judy!
53
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Oh, yes!
54
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You've got a loud voice, too Go on, then
55
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- Rocky?
- Yes
56
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Rocky as best man?
57
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Well, why not?
58
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Because he's at least halfway round the bend,
that's why not
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- He's your father
- Oh, I know who he is, all right
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- He's sweet
- Sweet?
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Yes, he is And Alistair thinks so, too
He thinks of him as a sort of soul mate
62
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Yes On a purely practical level,
this is the eleventh hour,
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and we know he'd do it
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- Well, yes, but
- Yes, so Rocky it is, then
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I'll ring him and tell him he's gonna be best man
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Er, Mum
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Well, ask, I meant ask
68
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No, I meant, don't you think
it really ought to come from Alistair?
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- Well, where is Alistair?
- You said he was coming straight round
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Well, straight can mean anything, can't it?
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Rocky? Rocky?
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Of course It's a brilliant idea
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It's a shame about your friend Gaston
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Well, yes, but it might prove to be
a blessing in disguise
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I mean, he's a nice guy, Gaston, but
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He's very Gallic
Tends to be a bit over-excitable at times
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Oh, really
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Right Well, I'd better let Mum know
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Mum
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Hello
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Well, I was just coming to tell you
that Alistair thinks Rocky's a good idea, but
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Well, I was just passing the door I
Just passing the door!
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- Hello, Alistair
- Hey, hey, lovely lady
84
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- How's your toe?
- Toe?
85
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Yes, you went to see your man about the toe
86
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- Oh, yes, right
- How is it?
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Oh, it's fine 100% functional again
88
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So why did you have to see him again?
89
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Well, I Just to, er
90
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Er, rubber-stamp the thing, really
91
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I thought I'd just pop over the road
for a swift half
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- I'm your man, Li
- Yes, just before you go, Lionel,
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I've just been talking to Alistair about his toe
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- Have you?
- You seemed to know about it from the start
95
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Which foot was it?
96
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Which foot?
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The left
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Which toe?
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Third?
100
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Just sit down here, please
101
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- Well?
- Well?
102
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All right, the toe thing was made up
103
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A harmless deception
104
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Well, we'd worked that out for ourselves Why?
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- To cover up for the crying
- What crying?
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Mine
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I told Sandy
you kept looking as if you wanted to cry
108
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And you did the other night
I thought it was a one-off
109
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Well, that's just the trouble It wasn't
110
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I cried a lot I got over-emotional
about the wedding About lots of things
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Old films Bits of music Puppies
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Oh, Alistair
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But I'm okay now I'm over it
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I did a trial run with a puppy
just a few minutes ago, and nothing
115
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It was only a side effect in the first place
116
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Side effect from what?
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The stuff I was taking to cure the panic attacks
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- Oh, this gets worse
- What panic attacks?
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Well, when I kept When I kept
120
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- I can't bring myself to say the word, Li
- Swooning He kept swooning
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So I took the stuff to stop the swooning
But that made me start crying
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But it's okay now because he's given me
some stuff to stop the crying, you see?
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Alistair
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Are there any possible side effects
to what you're on now?
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"Remote", he said "Remote"
126
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And the parrot said, "No, I didn't see a thing
127
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"I got so excited, I fell off me perch"
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I've got "pause for laughter" written after that
129
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I shouldn't pause too long
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It's a very good joke, that
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May I remind you that this is a wedding?
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Not a stag night in some vulgar club
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The best man's speech should not be
a succession of unfunny jokes
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It should contain a few affectionately
humorous remarks about the groom,
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and conclude with a toast to the bridesmaids,
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or in this case, bridesmaid
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Young Sandy I've been very fulsome about her
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Well, I don't think that phrases like
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"a right little cracker"
and "a great pair of pins" are suitable
140
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Then I suppose you disapprove
of the old uniform, as well?
141
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No, I must admit, you look quite dashing
142
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Coming from you, Mrs Bale,
that borders on the effusive
143
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Come in!
144
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Bad news, Mr Hardcastle
I'm afraid the whole thing is off
145
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Good God The wedding?
146
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No, no, no, no, no Us wearing our uniforms
147
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I seem to have expanded out of mine
148
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Yes, you have, rather
149
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I did ask Mother if she could help,
but she didn't have any genuine khaki
150
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I mean, she did suggest
a bit of velvet round the back, brown,
151
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but I didn't think that would look right
152
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- No, probably not
- No, no
153
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I'll wear my Sunday suit, then, shall I?
154
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I'm sure you'll look very smart
155
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But please, not that awful tie
with the woman on it
156
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- I gave him that
- Exactly
157
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Me and my brothers
will be bringing round the flowers
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first thing in the morning
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That's a bit last gasp, isn't it?
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No, it is not, because we want them to be fresh
161
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And what about the grub steaks?
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The "grub steaks", as you call them,
are totally organised
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And the church looks lovely
164
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And Mother's finished knitting the gloves
for the bride
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Well, we're in good order, then
And you take it from me,
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it's going to be a perfect day tomorrow
167
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What's the shipping forecast, Mrs Bale?
168
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Choppy in the Channel,
but nothing that should affect us
169
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Right, there you are Here's to a perfect day!
170
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Shouldn't we be raising a glass?
171
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Quite right
172
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Whip us up three of your Spitting Cobras,
would you, Mrs Bale?
173
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Combat fatigue?
174
00:08:21,967 --> 00:08:24,879
I said I'd stack the dishwasher,
but I'm buying time, actually
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- A glass of wine?
- Oh, yes, please
176
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Oh, why is everyone in here?
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Erm, I'm helping Lionel to stack the dishwasher
178
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- Talk about leaving it to the last minute
- The wedding's tomorrow
179
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No, Penny and Stephen
180
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Penny phoned to say they will be coming
181
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No invitation to tea with HMQ, then?
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- Apparently not
- It's weird, isn't it?
183
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Stephen gets an OBE for services to dentistry,
and we haven't seen them since
184
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I thought she'd have been up here showing off
185
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Well, I suppose we're the hoi polloi, now
186
00:08:55,447 --> 00:08:57,961
Anyway, I expect she's got to do
the whole of Hampshire first
187
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Anyway, they're coming
188
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Oh, now, talking of the wedding
189
00:09:01,887 --> 00:09:03,923
No, no, no, talking of the wedding
190
00:09:04,007 --> 00:09:07,397
I think we should leave here at six in the morning
That'll get us there by 8:00
191
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The ceremony's not till 3:00
192
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Judy and Sandy have to change
193
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Yes We shall need seven hours
194
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- Seven?
- Sorry
195
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Six will be fine, won't it, Lionel?
196
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Absolutely essential by the sound of things
197
00:09:21,927 --> 00:09:22,916
What is that?
198
00:09:23,007 --> 00:09:25,601
Oh, well, I was going to do a seating plan,
but as it's a buffet,
199
00:09:25,687 --> 00:09:27,120
I thought I'd do a standing plan
200
00:09:29,127 --> 00:09:31,038
You can't tell people where to stand
201
00:09:31,127 --> 00:09:32,640
No, I know
202
00:09:32,727 --> 00:09:36,242
- Have a glass of wine
- Well, just one
203
00:09:37,807 --> 00:09:40,321
What are those two interlocking red hearts?
204
00:09:42,327 --> 00:09:43,840
That's you and Harry
205
00:09:43,927 --> 00:09:46,999
Oh, all right I know, I know
Mrs Make-Everything-Right
206
00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:48,600
But it will be
207
00:09:48,687 --> 00:09:52,077
Look, you've worked your socks off,
and tomorrow everything will be fine
208
00:09:52,167 --> 00:09:53,998
I wish I shared your confidence
209
00:09:54,087 --> 00:09:57,921
Look, you've checked everything more thoroughly
than the CIA could ever aspire to
210
00:09:58,007 --> 00:09:59,838
- What can go wrong?
- Alistair
211
00:10:00,647 --> 00:10:03,207
Assuming he doesn't faint or burst into tears,
212
00:10:04,167 --> 00:10:05,725
what else might he do?
213
00:10:26,287 --> 00:10:27,640
Morning, morning
214
00:10:27,967 --> 00:10:29,798
- Hi, Lol
- Good morning, Lol
215
00:10:30,087 --> 00:10:32,362
I thought Rocky promised no fireworks
216
00:10:32,727 --> 00:10:33,762
Yes, he did
217
00:10:33,847 --> 00:10:37,601
But Mrs Bale allowed him just one rocket
to herald our arrival
218
00:10:37,847 --> 00:10:39,758
We're on the early side, I'm afraid
219
00:10:39,847 --> 00:10:42,361
Oh, not a bit of it We've all been up for hours
220
00:10:42,447 --> 00:10:45,280
Mrs Bale's doing a huge fry-up for you all
221
00:10:46,887 --> 00:10:48,878
Excellent, just the job
222
00:10:48,967 --> 00:10:51,162
There's rather a lot, Lol You'll need a hand
223
00:10:51,247 --> 00:10:53,602
Don't you worry about that
My brothers will do all that
224
00:10:53,687 --> 00:10:55,439
We've got the whole village mobilised
225
00:10:55,527 --> 00:10:59,486
Oh, incidentally, Miss
My brothers all send their very warm regards
226
00:10:59,567 --> 00:11:00,920
Oh, how sweet of them
227
00:11:01,007 --> 00:11:02,406
Give them my love
228
00:11:02,967 --> 00:11:04,639
Best make that best wishes
229
00:11:04,727 --> 00:11:06,957
We don't want them
getting their hopes up, do we?
230
00:11:07,047 --> 00:11:08,116
I suppose not
231
00:11:09,327 --> 00:11:10,396
Good Lord
232
00:11:11,007 --> 00:11:12,156
Good morning!
233
00:11:13,087 --> 00:11:14,759
Looks like something out of King's Rhapsody.
234
00:11:15,487 --> 00:11:17,921
Rocky! You look marvellous
235
00:11:18,767 --> 00:11:20,758
- Oh, Miss
- Yes, love?
236
00:11:20,927 --> 00:11:22,076
From Mother
237
00:11:22,487 --> 00:11:24,318
She said I had to give them to you personal
238
00:11:24,407 --> 00:11:27,160
Oh, thank you Erm, thanks
239
00:11:27,367 --> 00:11:29,483
Her little tradition, you see
240
00:11:31,367 --> 00:11:34,564
Oh, how lovely Thank you
241
00:11:35,207 --> 00:11:38,722
- Look, Sandy, aren't they? They're lovely
- Yes, they're perfect
242
00:11:39,607 --> 00:11:42,644
You don't have to wear them
at the ceremony, of course
243
00:11:44,167 --> 00:11:45,839
Perhaps on the honeymoon
244
00:11:46,727 --> 00:11:47,716
Yes
245
00:11:48,247 --> 00:11:49,839
It'll match your going-away dress
246
00:11:56,487 --> 00:11:57,476
Yes
247
00:11:59,207 --> 00:12:02,279
- Oh, good afternoon
- Good afternoon
248
00:12:03,527 --> 00:12:04,960
I'm 82
249
00:12:06,767 --> 00:12:10,726
- Are you really?
- I'll be 83 in September
250
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How nice
251
00:12:12,047 --> 00:12:14,242
- Alistair's here
- Oh, how is he?
252
00:12:14,327 --> 00:12:16,079
Oh, I don't know I just saw the car
253
00:12:16,647 --> 00:12:19,320
- Who's that?
- I haven't the faintest idea
254
00:12:20,167 --> 00:12:24,126
The bridegroom has arrived But don't worry,
I've secured the bride in her room
255
00:12:24,207 --> 00:12:26,596
- "Secured"?
- Asked her not to come out
256
00:12:26,687 --> 00:12:29,360
Oh, right Oh, Mrs Bale, the room looks lovely
257
00:12:29,447 --> 00:12:32,280
- We've done our best
- Mrs Bale,
258
00:12:33,687 --> 00:12:35,405
who is that?
259
00:12:35,967 --> 00:12:38,527
Mrs Twillet She's the flower watcher
260
00:12:38,687 --> 00:12:40,359
- The what?
- The flower watcher
261
00:12:40,447 --> 00:12:43,280
It's an old custom here
The Twillets have always done it
262
00:12:43,847 --> 00:12:47,203
- Why should she watch the flowers?
- Nobody really remembers
263
00:12:48,127 --> 00:12:50,960
But we don't want to break with tradition, do we?
264
00:12:52,207 --> 00:12:53,925
Mrs Bale, have I ever told you
265
00:12:54,007 --> 00:12:56,919
you bear an uncanny resemblance
to Claudia Schiffer?
266
00:12:57,047 --> 00:12:59,800
No And don't start now
267
00:13:02,127 --> 00:13:03,765
Mom and Pop-in-law,
268
00:13:04,327 --> 00:13:05,726
what a wonderful day for a wedding!
269
00:13:05,807 --> 00:13:07,559
Oh, Alistair, how are you? How are you feeling?
270
00:13:07,647 --> 00:13:10,036
Think of Lake Placid, and you've got me
271
00:13:11,647 --> 00:13:12,841
Who is that?
272
00:13:14,047 --> 00:13:17,119
- She's an old village custom, apparently
- Really?
273
00:13:19,047 --> 00:13:20,196
Good afternoon
274
00:13:20,287 --> 00:13:22,642
I have a brother who's 96
275
00:13:23,487 --> 00:13:24,806
Have you really?
276
00:13:24,887 --> 00:13:27,765
He'll be 97 in November
277
00:13:27,847 --> 00:13:28,916
Excellent
278
00:13:29,447 --> 00:13:30,641
Way to go
279
00:13:31,487 --> 00:13:32,715
Shall we, erm
280
00:13:33,247 --> 00:13:35,158
Well, almost time for the off
281
00:13:35,487 --> 00:13:37,717
Rocky's just polishing his medals
282
00:13:37,887 --> 00:13:40,447
- You look very svelte, Li
- "Svelte"?
283
00:13:40,927 --> 00:13:43,487
And as for you, lovely lady, what can I say?
284
00:13:43,567 --> 00:13:45,398
Just assure me that you really are all right
285
00:13:45,487 --> 00:13:47,205
I am I am
286
00:13:47,647 --> 00:13:50,605
No sign of the dizziness at all,
and as for the other stuff,
287
00:13:50,687 --> 00:13:53,997
I checked on the way down
by looking at some lambs in a field
288
00:13:54,087 --> 00:13:55,315
And it was fine
289
00:13:55,407 --> 00:13:57,159
Well, thank goodness
290
00:13:57,247 --> 00:14:02,401
Erm, I don't want to seem cred-obsessed,
but you haven't told anyone else, have you?
291
00:14:02,487 --> 00:14:06,241
No, we haven't We don't want
the entire congregation on tenterhooks
292
00:14:07,127 --> 00:14:09,004
I wonder how long she stays
293
00:14:09,087 --> 00:14:10,805
She looks set in for the summer to me
294
00:14:19,847 --> 00:14:22,884
Not a petal has dropped, Mrs Twillet?
295
00:14:23,207 --> 00:14:25,562
# Nor shall they
296
00:14:25,967 --> 00:14:28,401
# They are safe #
297
00:14:30,687 --> 00:14:33,520
- You would be the bridegroom
- I certainly would
298
00:14:34,447 --> 00:14:35,641
So, then
299
00:14:38,607 --> 00:14:40,962
That's that done Goodbye
300
00:14:41,207 --> 00:14:42,799
- Goodbye
- Goodbye
301
00:14:42,887 --> 00:14:44,115
Goodbye
302
00:14:44,207 --> 00:14:47,199
- What was all that about, Mrs Bale?
- Nobody knows
303
00:14:48,607 --> 00:14:51,917
The Witchfinder General
would have had a whale of a time down here
304
00:14:52,607 --> 00:14:56,395
Mrs Hardcastle, you should be leaving for
the church in three and a half minutes
305
00:14:56,487 --> 00:14:57,681
Yes, Mrs Bale
306
00:14:57,767 --> 00:14:58,961
You're very quiet
307
00:14:59,047 --> 00:15:02,562
Yes, I may have panicked during the last few days,
but I feel very calm now
308
00:15:02,647 --> 00:15:05,798
Ex-chillente Everyone's calm
309
00:15:06,447 --> 00:15:08,165
One is calm
310
00:15:09,367 --> 00:15:10,516
Well
311
00:15:11,287 --> 00:15:12,606
Oh, my God
312
00:15:12,927 --> 00:15:14,440
I can't move my legs
313
00:15:14,687 --> 00:15:16,643
- Oh, perfect
- Come on, Alistair, you're fine
314
00:15:16,727 --> 00:15:19,924
No, I'm not I can't move I'm paralysed
315
00:15:20,687 --> 00:15:23,679
It must be a side effect
of the stuff I was taking for the crying
316
00:15:23,767 --> 00:15:24,836
Or maybe it's a double side effect
317
00:15:24,927 --> 00:15:26,838
combined with the stuff I was taking
for the fainting!
318
00:15:26,927 --> 00:15:29,157
- What am I gonna do?
- Oh, shut up, do!
319
00:15:29,567 --> 00:15:33,003
Side effects and side effects from side effects?
I'm sick of hearing about them
320
00:15:33,087 --> 00:15:34,486
It's nothing but a blue funk
321
00:15:34,567 --> 00:15:37,877
And if you think I'm going to let you
spoil Judy's day, you've got another think coming
322
00:15:37,967 --> 00:15:40,481
Now get up and get to that church
and marry my daughter!
323
00:15:43,407 --> 00:15:45,875
I'm up! I'm up!
324
00:15:45,967 --> 00:15:48,401
- Now, take it slowly
- Rubbish Just walk
325
00:15:49,407 --> 00:15:52,399
Li, this is some lady you've got here
326
00:15:52,527 --> 00:15:53,880
Yes, I know
327
00:15:54,247 --> 00:15:55,475
Tough love, eh?
328
00:15:56,127 --> 00:15:59,085
- Where did you learn that?
- Long before there was a fancy name for it
329
00:15:59,167 --> 00:16:01,920
- Come on young fellow-me-lad
- On my way, Rocky
330
00:16:02,607 --> 00:16:03,676
On my way
331
00:16:04,887 --> 00:16:06,878
I am Really, I am
332
00:16:07,527 --> 00:16:10,405
- I can't move my legs now
- I'll see you in church
333
00:16:10,607 --> 00:16:14,077
I'll see you in church
Oh, and incidentally, will you marry me?
334
00:16:14,327 --> 00:16:16,636
Oh Oh, all right
335
00:16:19,447 --> 00:16:23,725
Which reminds me of a rather funny story
about a parrot with no feet
336
00:16:25,527 --> 00:16:26,676
Oh, my word
337
00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:28,556
I'm ready
338
00:16:28,687 --> 00:16:31,918
- We are starting on the left foot, aren't we?
- On the left
339
00:16:32,927 --> 00:16:35,122
Your father would have been
very proud of you, you know
340
00:16:36,447 --> 00:16:37,675
Thanks, Lionel
341
00:16:38,087 --> 00:16:39,566
So am I, as a matter of fact
342
00:16:45,247 --> 00:16:46,885
- Where's Stephen?
- Who?
343
00:16:47,287 --> 00:16:49,596
Oh, Stephen He's back there somewhere
344
00:16:49,767 --> 00:16:52,679
- Why isn't he with you?
- Because I'm not speaking to him
345
00:16:52,767 --> 00:16:54,166
Oh, Penny, why?
346
00:16:54,527 --> 00:16:55,562
Because he's simply
347
00:17:21,887 --> 00:17:24,196
Will the congregation please be seated
348
00:17:30,927 --> 00:17:34,681
We've come together to witness the marriage
of Alistair and Judith,
349
00:17:35,287 --> 00:17:38,518
to pray for God's blessing on them,
to share their joy,
350
00:17:38,607 --> 00:17:40,484
and to celebrate
351
00:17:41,087 --> 00:17:44,716
Marriage is a gift of God in creation
352
00:17:44,807 --> 00:17:48,482
through which husband and wife
may know the grace of God
353
00:17:49,007 --> 00:17:52,443
It is given that as man and woman
grow together in love
354
00:17:53,327 --> 00:17:55,636
Alistair, will you take Judith to be your wife?
355
00:17:55,727 --> 00:17:59,276
Will you love her, comfort her,
honour and protect her,
356
00:17:59,687 --> 00:18:02,360
and, forsaking all others,
357
00:18:03,007 --> 00:18:06,317
be faithful to her as long as you both shall live?
358
00:18:06,407 --> 00:18:07,396
I will
359
00:18:08,167 --> 00:18:11,045
Judith, will you take Alistair to be your husband?
360
00:18:11,287 --> 00:18:14,518
Will you love him, comfort him,
honour and protect him,
361
00:18:14,607 --> 00:18:16,598
and, forsaking all others,
362
00:18:16,807 --> 00:18:19,685
be faithful to him as long as you both shall live?
363
00:18:20,527 --> 00:18:21,801
I will
364
00:18:21,887 --> 00:18:24,640
Who giveth this woman to
be married to this man?
365
00:18:25,207 --> 00:18:26,196
I do
366
00:18:26,647 --> 00:18:28,046
Alistair and Ju
367
00:18:32,127 --> 00:18:37,997
Alistair and Judith, I now invite you to joins hands
and make your vows in the presence of God
368
00:18:39,567 --> 00:18:42,365
death us do part, according to God's holy law
369
00:18:52,127 --> 00:18:53,196
Mothballs
370
00:18:58,887 --> 00:19:02,197
Judith, I give you this ring
as a sign of our marriage
371
00:19:02,527 --> 00:19:04,995
Judith, I give you this ring
as a sign of our marriage
372
00:19:05,087 --> 00:19:08,045
- With my body I honour you
- With my body I honour you
373
00:19:08,127 --> 00:19:11,324
- All that I am I give to you
- All that I am I give to you
374
00:19:11,407 --> 00:19:15,320
- All that I have I share with you
- All that I have I share with you
375
00:19:15,407 --> 00:19:16,522
Within the love of God
376
00:19:16,607 --> 00:19:21,681
Alistair and Judith have given their consent
and made their marriage vows to each other
377
00:19:21,967 --> 00:19:25,562
I therefore proclaim
that they are husband and wife
378
00:19:25,647 --> 00:19:30,243
Those whom God has joined together
let no one put asunder
379
00:19:39,447 --> 00:19:41,005
Cheese!
380
00:19:43,167 --> 00:19:44,520
One more, please
381
00:19:45,047 --> 00:19:46,116
Cheese!
382
00:19:47,887 --> 00:19:50,606
- Look, it's Harry
- Yes, so it is
383
00:19:50,687 --> 00:19:52,757
- Hello, Harry
- Hello, Sandy
384
00:19:53,127 --> 00:19:55,436
- Have a drink
- No, really I'm fine
385
00:19:55,527 --> 00:19:57,757
No, no, really Nonsense, it's a wedding
386
00:19:57,847 --> 00:20:00,759
Jan, come and meet some people
I'd like you to meet
387
00:20:03,727 --> 00:20:05,524
- You look lovely
- Thank you
388
00:20:06,767 --> 00:20:08,837
So, when are you leaving?
389
00:20:09,047 --> 00:20:11,515
Oh, I don't have to go
I've got the whole weekend off
390
00:20:11,607 --> 00:20:13,438
No, I meant Canada
391
00:20:13,807 --> 00:20:15,206
Oh, right, Canada
392
00:20:16,207 --> 00:20:17,276
Wednesday
393
00:20:17,727 --> 00:20:19,240
- That soon?
- Yeah
394
00:20:20,487 --> 00:20:23,638
- You do look lovely
- Oh, it's the dress
395
00:20:23,927 --> 00:20:24,916
No, it's not
396
00:20:25,007 --> 00:20:27,123
Ah, now you're the young fellow
I've been looking for
397
00:20:27,207 --> 00:20:28,640
You're the Mountie, aren't you?
398
00:20:28,727 --> 00:20:30,957
No, sir I'm going on attachment to the Mounties
399
00:20:31,047 --> 00:20:32,605
I knew it was something like that
400
00:20:32,687 --> 00:20:35,121
- Sandy, can you spare a minute?
- Yes, of course
401
00:20:35,207 --> 00:20:36,560
Excuse us
402
00:20:36,647 --> 00:20:41,163
You know, a little birdie tells me that
you used to be very sweet on young Sandy
403
00:20:41,367 --> 00:20:44,165
- Well, wouldn't you be?
- Oh, I would
404
00:20:44,407 --> 00:20:46,796
Why aren't you taking her with you, then?
405
00:20:46,887 --> 00:20:48,320
Well, I don't know
406
00:20:48,527 --> 00:20:50,722
Well, I do I haven't asked her
407
00:20:51,087 --> 00:20:53,078
You don't look like a simpleton
408
00:20:53,767 --> 00:20:55,485
- The thing is
- Yeah?
409
00:20:55,567 --> 00:20:58,877
The thing is, I'm only a copper
It's not a lot to offer
410
00:20:59,327 --> 00:21:01,204
- And Canada
- It's a fine country
411
00:21:01,287 --> 00:21:03,005
Yes, but it's another continent
412
00:21:03,087 --> 00:21:06,045
Look, what you need, my boy,
is a spot of Dutch courage
413
00:21:06,127 --> 00:21:08,516
- Go on, drink up
- I'm not really used to champagne
414
00:21:08,607 --> 00:21:13,727
Oh, harmless! Good heavens, I could down
a bottle of that stuff when I was eight years old
415
00:21:13,807 --> 00:21:15,877
- There Cheers
- What the hell Cheers
416
00:21:15,967 --> 00:21:17,036
Cheers
417
00:21:17,127 --> 00:21:19,766
What's Judy doing? She's taken Sandy off
418
00:21:19,967 --> 00:21:22,606
It has to be said, I think you picked
the wrong place to arrange a tryst
419
00:21:22,687 --> 00:21:24,882
- Well, it's all these people
- Well, that's what I meant
420
00:21:24,967 --> 00:21:26,116
Hello
421
00:21:26,207 --> 00:21:28,801
- Oh, hello, Stephen
- Stop following me about
422
00:21:29,607 --> 00:21:31,677
I came from a different direction
423
00:21:31,767 --> 00:21:33,246
What is wrong with you two?
424
00:21:33,327 --> 00:21:35,283
- Ask him
- Stephen?
425
00:21:35,607 --> 00:21:37,598
I may as well tell you
426
00:21:38,887 --> 00:21:41,276
- You know Stephen's OBE?
- Yes
427
00:21:41,767 --> 00:21:44,486
- He didn't get it
- What do you mean, he didn't get it?
428
00:21:44,567 --> 00:21:45,966
He turned it down
429
00:21:46,287 --> 00:21:48,517
- Stephen, why?
- Well, I didn't mean to
430
00:21:48,967 --> 00:21:52,164
It's forms, you see
I've never been very good with forms
431
00:21:52,327 --> 00:21:56,002
There's this form
from Downing Street, as we call it
432
00:21:56,087 --> 00:22:01,081
You have the option of accepting
or declining the honour
433
00:22:01,167 --> 00:22:02,600
Boxes to tick
434
00:22:03,687 --> 00:22:07,043
I must have ticked the wrong box,
'cause we never heard back
435
00:22:07,327 --> 00:22:10,637
Look, it's not funny It's a public humiliation
436
00:22:11,007 --> 00:22:13,521
It can't be public if nobody knows about it
437
00:22:13,607 --> 00:22:15,086
A humiliation, then
438
00:22:15,167 --> 00:22:17,886
I had the same problem
with my last passport application
439
00:22:17,967 --> 00:22:19,480
Kept ticking the wrong boxes
440
00:22:19,567 --> 00:22:22,365
Thing went back and forth about ten times
before I got it right
441
00:22:22,447 --> 00:22:24,677
And the visa application when we went to America
442
00:22:24,767 --> 00:22:26,962
- What, same thing?
- Yes
443
00:22:27,967 --> 00:22:32,483
He ticked the box that time
declaring he was mentally unstable
444
00:22:34,207 --> 00:22:36,118
Not far from the truth, is it?
445
00:22:36,687 --> 00:22:38,757
Oh, do stop following me about
446
00:22:39,767 --> 00:22:42,759
- Look, have you seen Sandy?
- I've been talking to you
447
00:22:42,847 --> 00:22:46,078
Oh, well, go and prise Harry from Rocky
and find her
448
00:22:47,687 --> 00:22:50,565
- Ooh, I know what I wanted to ask you
- What is it, Stephen?
449
00:22:50,647 --> 00:22:52,877
Have you ever played with a Game Boy?
450
00:22:56,047 --> 00:23:00,837
No, I said you don't see
many firkins around these days
451
00:23:00,927 --> 00:23:03,760
Oh, well, they usually have them in
fish and chip shops
452
00:23:03,847 --> 00:23:06,281
- Fish and chip shops?
- In jars
453
00:23:06,367 --> 00:23:10,076
You're not talking about firkins,
you're talking about gherkins
454
00:23:11,487 --> 00:23:14,240
- Harry?
- Well done with the speech, my boy
455
00:23:14,327 --> 00:23:16,124
I'm glad you got in that joke about the parrot
456
00:23:16,207 --> 00:23:18,402
- Didn't go awfully well, did it?
- Well, I laughed
457
00:23:18,487 --> 00:23:21,479
Thanks
Would you mind if I borrow Harry for a bit?
458
00:23:21,567 --> 00:23:24,479
No, no Of course not
I wanted to have a word with young Sandy
459
00:23:24,567 --> 00:23:25,966
Ah, there she is
460
00:23:26,407 --> 00:23:29,717
- Why do you want to borrow me?
- Well, because, um
461
00:23:30,447 --> 00:23:32,802
- Because
- I'm not worthy of her, you know
462
00:23:32,887 --> 00:23:35,401
Look, just stay here for a minute
463
00:23:35,767 --> 00:23:38,076
Erm, have another glass of champagne
464
00:23:39,687 --> 00:23:42,884
It's just a question of pressing the right buttons
at the right time, really
465
00:23:42,967 --> 00:23:44,366
Look, sorry to interrupt, Stephen
466
00:23:44,447 --> 00:23:45,846
- Look, Sandy's back
- Oh, where?
467
00:23:45,927 --> 00:23:47,838
She's over there, but Rocky's collared her now
468
00:23:47,927 --> 00:23:51,397
Oh, if only we'd had a seating plan,
this wouldn't have happened
469
00:23:51,647 --> 00:23:53,797
Look, excuse me, Stephen Come on
470
00:23:54,087 --> 00:23:56,078
No, decisive action, you see
471
00:23:56,367 --> 00:23:59,598
Now, if I was Harry, and I was going to Canada
472
00:23:59,687 --> 00:24:02,076
Rocky, I don't want to seem rude,
473
00:24:02,167 --> 00:24:06,285
but I'm getting a little bit fed up
with sentences that begin with "if I were Harry"
474
00:24:06,367 --> 00:24:08,597
Point taken I'm sorry, my dear
475
00:24:08,687 --> 00:24:11,121
Sandy, you should be talking to Harry
476
00:24:11,207 --> 00:24:12,765
- Should I, really?
- Yes
477
00:24:12,847 --> 00:24:14,724
- Lionel
- Resistance is futile
478
00:24:18,007 --> 00:24:20,760
Harry? Harry, look
479
00:24:20,927 --> 00:24:22,076
It's Sandy!
480
00:24:24,007 --> 00:24:25,804
Hello again, Harry
481
00:24:25,887 --> 00:24:27,081
You look lovely
482
00:24:27,167 --> 00:24:29,761
- You said that
- Yes, but you do
483
00:24:32,047 --> 00:24:33,036
Sandy, I've been
484
00:24:35,247 --> 00:24:39,399
Ladies and gentlemen,
the bride and groom are leaving
485
00:24:42,847 --> 00:24:45,042
Just hold the thought, Harry
486
00:24:50,567 --> 00:24:51,886
Bye, Lionel
487
00:24:52,327 --> 00:24:53,646
Good luck, Judy
488
00:24:54,047 --> 00:24:55,878
Bye, Mum Thanks for everything
489
00:24:55,967 --> 00:24:57,525
- You'll be in touch
- Yes
490
00:24:57,607 --> 00:24:59,677
- Pop-in-law
- Lionel
491
00:24:59,767 --> 00:25:02,201
Oh, all right, just this once Lionel
492
00:25:05,727 --> 00:25:08,287
- Look after her, Alistair
- You bet And hey,
493
00:25:08,647 --> 00:25:10,478
thanks again for seeing to my legs
494
00:25:10,567 --> 00:25:13,798
- Is this something I should know about?
- Never Off you go
495
00:25:13,887 --> 00:25:15,923
- Bye
- Bye
496
00:25:17,007 --> 00:25:18,599
The bouquet! The bouquet!
497
00:25:18,687 --> 00:25:19,881
Oh, right!
498
00:25:22,887 --> 00:25:25,276
To the right, to the right
499
00:25:29,767 --> 00:25:33,806
Oh, dear I wasn't supposed to do that, was I?
500
00:25:35,047 --> 00:25:36,446
Sorry, Mum
501
00:25:39,407 --> 00:25:41,045
- Bye! Bye!
- Bye!
502
00:25:48,967 --> 00:25:50,116
They've gone
503
00:25:51,207 --> 00:25:53,323
- You always wanted them to
- I know
504
00:25:55,407 --> 00:25:56,556
Come on
505
00:26:03,847 --> 00:26:06,919
How many people do you know
who've turned down OBEs?
506
00:26:07,007 --> 00:26:08,440
Well, none
507
00:26:08,527 --> 00:26:11,803
Well, there you are, then
It marks out Stephen as an individual
508
00:26:11,887 --> 00:26:14,162
Yeah A sort of maverick
509
00:26:14,727 --> 00:26:16,080
Yes, if you like
510
00:26:16,527 --> 00:26:18,438
With a sort of dangerous edge
511
00:26:20,527 --> 00:26:22,961
You sure it doesn't make him
look a complete fool?
512
00:26:23,047 --> 00:26:25,277
Of course not,
'cause he never reveals the real reason
513
00:26:25,367 --> 00:26:29,724
If anyone asks him, he just looks enigmatic
and says, "I'd rather not discuss it"
514
00:26:30,607 --> 00:26:33,167
Put like that, it sounds positively intriguing
515
00:26:33,247 --> 00:26:35,841
- Yes, yes it does
- Well, there you are, then
516
00:26:40,127 --> 00:26:42,083
Stephen, what are you doing?
517
00:26:42,887 --> 00:26:44,286
Looking enigmatic
518
00:26:45,327 --> 00:26:46,965
That's not enigmatic
519
00:26:48,087 --> 00:26:49,679
You just look vacant
520
00:26:50,887 --> 00:26:54,641
- Do we have to stay till the end?
- Yes, of course we have to stay till the end
521
00:26:54,727 --> 00:26:58,197
- I can't see Harry and Sandy anywhere
- Oh, don't let's start all that again
522
00:26:58,287 --> 00:27:01,836
No, but it's such a perfect moment
for Harry to say something
523
00:27:01,927 --> 00:27:05,237
I don't think he's got the nerve
Still, 50% success rate
524
00:27:05,687 --> 00:27:09,726
I best be off now
It's nearly time for Mother's Bovril
525
00:27:10,127 --> 00:27:11,401
Thanks for coming, Lol
526
00:27:11,487 --> 00:27:14,843
No, thank you for asking me A really grand do
527
00:27:14,927 --> 00:27:17,680
It'll go down in village history, this will
528
00:27:17,767 --> 00:27:20,565
- Have you got the wedding cake for your mother?
- Oh, rather
529
00:27:20,647 --> 00:27:22,922
She put her best teeth in to eat that
530
00:27:24,327 --> 00:27:25,476
Goodbye
531
00:27:27,767 --> 00:27:31,123
The choppy Channel came to nothing,
and I've made you up a bedroom
532
00:27:31,207 --> 00:27:32,242
Why?
533
00:27:32,327 --> 00:27:35,160
Because you shouldn't drive home
in your condition
534
00:27:35,247 --> 00:27:36,760
I'm not in a condition
535
00:27:36,847 --> 00:27:39,122
It would be very nice Thank you, Mrs Bale
536
00:27:39,207 --> 00:27:42,165
Come on, Mrs Bale, I fancy a tango
537
00:27:42,247 --> 00:27:44,158
They're not playing a tango
538
00:27:44,247 --> 00:27:46,203
Oh, stop nitpicking
539
00:27:46,967 --> 00:27:49,561
What about you? Do you fancy a shuffle round?
540
00:27:49,807 --> 00:27:51,206
Only if we smooch
541
00:27:51,327 --> 00:27:53,045
That's taken as read
542
00:27:54,807 --> 00:27:56,240
Oh, look! Oh, look!
543
00:27:56,607 --> 00:27:58,359
What am I supposed to be looking at?
544
00:27:58,447 --> 00:27:59,800
Harry and Sandy
545
00:28:00,407 --> 00:28:01,726
Together at last
546
00:28:02,127 --> 00:28:04,243
Where there's life, there's hope
547
00:28:09,207 --> 00:28:10,401
He passed out
548
00:28:18,647 --> 00:28:20,717
# You must remember this
549
00:28:21,487 --> 00:28:23,523
#A kiss is still a kiss
550
00:28:24,167 --> 00:28:27,239
#A sigh is just a sigh
551
00:28:29,527 --> 00:28:33,122
# The fundamental things apply
552
00:28:33,207 --> 00:28:36,722
#As time goes by
553
00:28:40,447 --> 00:28:42,563
#And when two lovers woo
554
00:28:43,087 --> 00:28:45,237
# They still say, "I love you"
555
00:28:45,807 --> 00:28:48,560
# On that you can rely
556
00:28:51,487 --> 00:28:55,446
# The world will always welcome lovers
557
00:28:57,327 --> 00:29:02,924
#As time goes by #
42828
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