Original subtitles

I'm going down south, I'm gonna have myself a time.

Friendly faces everywhere, humble folks without temptation.

I'm going down south, I'm gonna leave my woes to hide.

And we're parking day on night, people spouting how to never.

And on up south, I'm gonna see if I can't unwind.

Come on down south, I'm gonna meet some friends of mine.

It's almost Thanksgiving, and that means the annual Turkey Trot is nearly upon

us. How is it that we haven't found one sponsor to help pay for this event?

South Park's just fallen on hard times, Mayor.

Nobody's got the money.

Tegrity Farms used to be a sponsor of the Turkey Trot, but as you know, we've

recently all lost Tegrity, so I'm afraid we just can't help.

What about the City Asian Pop -Up Store?

Can't they help sponsor this year's race?

How is she the Asian papa paying for Turkey Trot? We got to pay tariffs.

We won't fuck in anybody.

Let's just face it, Mayor. South Park businesses are dying and a lot of good

people have lost their jobs.

Trash? Anybody got trash?

Oh, yeah, here's some. Bank shot.

There has to be a solution, people.

The Turkey Trot is the one time of year this town comes together as a community.

We all need it now more than ever.

Well... Of course, there is someone who'd be willing to give South Park a

of money.

I mean, they're giving money to everyone else. Why not us?

My God.

That's it.

This Thanksgiving morning, lace up for holiday fun and tradition.

It's the 28th annual Yacht Park Turkey Trot, sponsored by Saudi Arabia.

It's a 5K race absolutely stuffed with Thanksgiving traditions.

And the first one across the finish line wins their team $5 ,000.

Sign up your team now.

All ages are welcome.

Disparaging remarks towards the Saudi royal family are strictly prohibited.

Start your Thanksgiving with this time -honored tradition.

The South Park turkey track.

$5 ,000, you guys.

The winner of this year's Turkey Trot gets $5 ,000 from Saudi Arabia.

Like, if anybody's going to get money from Saudi Arabia, it should be us.

And just one person has to win the race and your whole team gets the money?

Yeah. Dude, that is crazy.

We should just get a bunch of kids on our team, and then the chances of one of

us winning is way better.

Yeah, but then you've got to split the prize money more ways.

It's true, man. I say we keep our team to four or five runners, Mac.

Nobody said we wanted you on the team.

Yeah, you kind of slow us down.

Oh, no, no, no, trust me. You want me on the racing team.

I happen to be an expert in race science, you guys.

I know a way to give our team an optimal winning advantage.

Token! Hey, man.

Listen, I was just wondering whose team you're thinking of being on for the big

turkey trot?

Turkey trot? You know, the big foot race Thanksgiving morning. First place wins

5 ,000 bucks for his whole team.

Oh, I'm not really a runner.

Yeah, right.

Of course you're a runner, Token.

Sorry, guys, just give me one second.

What the hell is he doing? I don't know.

All right, look, Token, I'm a racing science expert, okay?

The data shows your race always wins races.

Whoa, whoa, Token, Token!

Come on, man, it's Thanksgiving.

If you don't want to race for yourself, then do it for the needy. Kenny and

Stan. I mean, Stan's family lost their home, dude.

Those guys could really use the money. And all the analytics show that with you

on the team, we can't lose.

Could you just do it for Thanksgiving?

All right, fine.

Yes? He said yes!

Jesus Christ, Mitch.

A $5 ,000 prize for the turkey trot?

Everyone in town is going to want to do this race.

I was kind of thinking of signing the family up, sir. We could really use some

of that Saudi Arabian dough.

Can't do it, Mitch. We're going to be busy on race day. Sir!

The White House is calling again. They're demanding we release the

Tell them we're busy. But they said if we don't comply, they're going to send

Pete Hegseth and the Department of War.

Who's Pete Hegseth?

Yeah! Yeah!

Hey, what's up, guys? It's Pete Hegsteth, the Department of War!

We're here to infiltrate this police station and extract a P .O .Y., because

that's what we do!

Howdy, soldier!

The President of the United States orders you to release custody of the

to me immediately.

I've warned you, I had powerful friends.

Yeah, well, Totoro still has to be processed and seen by a judge.

And we have a big turkey trot to deal with, so it's gonna be a few days.

Hey, man, I don't think you understand.

You're messing with the Department of War.

And we mean business. We don't stand down for anyone. Be sure to like and

subscribe. All right, let's do this. All right, I certainly don't want to tangle

with you guys.

How about you just push the secret button in the floor over here, and the

cell doors will all open.

The secret button? Yeah, it's in the floor right there. You see it? It's

right... Now get your little bitch ass out of my town.

Oh, you.

I dare you to do that again.

Okay,

and did you already register your racing team online?

Yeah, it's Jimbo and Ned.

We're racing with the Kiwanis Gun Club.

Yes, here you go. Good luck with the race. Happy Thanksgiving and Ayesha Khur

Saeed. Uh, it's Mackie. Mr.

Mackie. Okay, Mr.

Mackie. And how many on your team?

Well, I'm not on no team, okay? I need that sweet Saudi Arabian money off of my

sales. All right, guys, we got our racing numbers. Damn, dude, there's so

people signing up. How are we ever going to win?

Don't worry, you guys. I've been scoping out the competition.

That group over there is the Rotary Club. They won last year, but they're

like, old now.

Over there is the city pop -up team. The race sign says they'll race smart, but

not necessarily fat, so we're good there.

Oh, hey, Stan.

You gonna do the turkey trot this year?

Yeah, you guys are, too?

Hell yeah, we are. $5 ,000?

Oh, yeah, I'm sure all four of you ladies have a really awesome chance of

winning. There's actually five of us.

Hey, guys, what's up?

They're teaching race science to girls now?

What the hell kind of country are we living in?

Commitment. Strength.

The ability to obliterate our enemies.

That is the Department of War.

What's up, guys? I'm Pete Henseth.

We're outside this woke liberal town that is actually defying our government.

And nobody defies the Department of War. Pete Henseth will do whatever it takes.

I'm here to kick bubble gum and chew ass, and I'm all out of ass.

I'll do whatever's necessary to get the job done.

Oh, yeah, look at that.

That's the President of the United States calling me right now.

Yes, Mr. President.

Agnes, what the fuck are you doing?

Did you get Peter Thiel?

No, sir, we were unable to extract the prisoner. We were met with resistance

from the woke local police force.

God damn it, we gave you one job to do. We need Peter Thiel here.

the white house. Sir, yes, sir. I'm going to need the full might of the

Department of War. I'll need all our tanks and guns and deeds.

Then you've got it.

Just get us the prisoner no matter what it takes.

Hell, yeah.

And heads up. Don't just make a bunch of content.

Like, actually go and do something.

Be sure to like and subscribe, guys. Yes, sir, Mr. President. I will make

town pay.

God, you're such a douchebag.

All right, men, we'll have a full army here by tomorrow.

And then that small town cop is going to see he messed with the wrong guy.

It's the morning of the big race, and all of South Park appears to have turned

out in the spirit of community.

People are putting on their numbers and rocking out their festive costumes.

I'm with Police Chief Harris, and Chief, your guys have been working overtime.

Yeah, well, we just want to make sure everyone has a safe Thanksgiving

We want people to stay hydrated and be responsible. Let's have a good turkey

drive. Now, of course, there's a lot of money on the line for the team of the

race winner, and so some people are turning to race science.

That's right. You know, a lot of people these days want to debunk science. You

know, vaccine, cause autism, jet fuel, leave chemtrails.

But when it comes to racing, science is science.

Certainly a lot of runners hoping to cash in today.

So may the best turkey win.

All right, you guys ready to run? We got this. Come on, team, let's go. We're

soaking. Oh, you didn't hear?

I didn't hear what?

Tolkien says he's not going to race.

What do you mean Tolkien's not going to race? He said because it's being

sponsored by Saudi Arabia, he's bowing out for political reasons.

Are you fucking joking?

No. God damn it, wait here!

Welcome, everyone, to the 28th annual South Park Turkey Trot!

This is a wonderful turnout, and I'm sure you'll all help me in thanking this

year's sponsor, Saudi Arabia.

Holy shit!

Holy shit, we've got an Antifa uprising!

All right, Department of War, listen up! The people of this town are starting an

insurrection!

But they will not stand in the way of us getting our man!

Token!

Token!

Token!

Dude, what the hell are you doing?

Playing Ark Raiders. The guy said you're not going to race because it's being

sponsored by Saudi Arabia? Yeah, just doesn't feel right.

It doesn't feel right.

Yeah, doesn't feel right. It doesn't feel right!

What, Tolkien, you don't like that Saudi Arabia is buying American stuff?

They're trying to be progressive, okay?

You want them to go back to what they were doing?

Do you want Saudi Arabia to just go back to cutting people up and paying Kevin

Hart? Is that what you want?

I can't see the screen. Tolkien, you can't whine about a country trying to

into the 21st century.

Them wanting to help pay for American things is good. Because guess what? If

Saudi Arabia is out paying for sporting events, they're not out hacking up

reporters and inviting Pete Davidson to come do comedy.

All right, everyone, on your mark.

Get set.

Holy shit!

Shots fired! Shots fired!

Get set up over there! We need content!

Now!

What's up, guys? Pete Hex at Department of War. We are being fired upon.

There's an uprising here, some kind of insurrection.

Be sure to like and subscribe.

You can hear the liberal terrorists all screaming and chanting behind us. We're

going to take them on. Just another day in the Department of War. Let's move

out. Did you know that since 2018, they actually allow women to drive in Saudi

Arabia? They allow women to drive.

It's like practically a lesbian utopia over there.

Can you please just let me enjoy my Thanksgiving morning?

Oh, yeah, sure. Who cares about lesbian utopia? Not Token.

Token wants Saudi Arabia to just keep chopping off gay people's heads. That's

way better, isn't it? You're being a dick, bro. Go away.

All right, Token, you know what?

Fine. If you really don't want to be a part of our country embracing Saudi

Arabia's desire to change, then we don't need you.

Gotta get that money!

The rioting terrorists appear to be advancing north -northeast.

Our plan, gentlemen, is to intercept them at this location here and get as

content as we possibly can.

It's quite possible we'll also be needing to get content in this area, so

ready. Third Battalion, you'll be posting up here.

I want you posting on Instagram and Twitter.

Alpha Team, post here. Bravo Team, content there.

All right, everyone, stand by.

At ease, soldier. We heard there's a civilian uprising.

Yeah, we don't need Homeland Security's help. We got it. We're just here to

assist in any way we can.

That's what Homeland Security does.

Be sure to like and subscribe, guys. We've got it. Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

is not your content.

Everyone like and subscribe to the Department of War.

Come on. Come on. You got this. I got it.

God damn it.

Give me my Xbox.

Okay.

How can you not catch up to me?

You're not even flying.

I am trying.

I told you.

Homeland Security to Department of War. The protesters are headed your way.

Stand down, Homeland Security.

This is our content.

There's too many of them.

Here they come.

Everyone hold your positions.

Department of War will not be intimidated.

I can't say nothing.

I think... Token!

Token!

Well, how the hell are we supposed to raise if they've blocked the road?

Look, all I know is that the Stotch family is in big financial trouble this

year. We have to reach that finish line.

You think you've fucked? We gotta pay tariff. That prize money's our only

cheese. Does anyone have a turkey trot route map?

Yeah, I've got one here.

All right, let's see.

So if this area's all blocked off, then our best chance of getting to the finish

line is detouring through here.

No, no, we should go this way, through the underpass.

Are you crazy?

That's too much of a shortcut. We could get disqualified.

All that matters is that it's okay with Saudi Arabia.

Would going this way be okay with Saudi Arabia?

There's no way to be sure what Saudi Arabia wants.

All I know is I need their money.

So I'm going to go out there and take my chances.

That's Pete Hecht's death department of war. We've got the narco terrorists on

the run and we're going to take them out. Yeah!

Pete Hecht's death is a fucking bitch.

Pete Hecht's death is a fucking bitch.

Acting like a tough guy, posting it around the world.

Like a little teenage girl.

I don't know what you think you're doing, but I'm pretty sure I told you to

the hell out of my town.

Oh, yeah?

Well, what do you think you're going to do about it?

Hello?

Hello?

Anybody?

Give me my Xbox!

What is your problem, man?

You could have made this an amazing Thanksgiving.

But Stan, bikini.

But you just want to play games.

For the last time, just because I'm black doesn't mean I run fast.

Yes, you do.

You just weren't trying because you have a problem with Saudi Arabia joining the

global community. That has nothing to do with you being a racist. Oh, I'm a

racist. You want Saudi Arabia to just keep stuffing journalists in your

suitcases, but I'm the racist.

I'm going home. Okay, fine. Forget it.

Yeah, I will forget it. And I can think whatever I want.

Okay, you're right, Token. Yeah, I know I'm right. Okay, that's key. Have a good

Thanksgiving, man. I will have a good Thanksgiving because I won't be

to your stupid bullshit.

Yep, sounds good. Enjoy the holiday with your loved ones.

Oh, God damn it.

Yes! Ray Science!

Ray Science!

On behalf of the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia and His Royal Highness Mohammed bin

Salman Al Saud, this year's Turkey Trot Grand Prize goes to the team of South

Park's very own Token Black!

We did it, dude!

It's right there, you see it? Right there!

There you go, almost there!

Guys, that about wraps it up. Let's get home and eat some turkey.

You son of a bitch! The president will come for us!

Yeah, maybe so.

Judge will see you Monday.

South Park's gonna pay for this.

They're all gonna pay.

What you gonna do now?

Everybody's laughing at you.

You kids are gonna hear this and their friends will watch it too.

They'll be singing.