All language subtitles for Never Wave at a WAC (1953)_480p

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Washington DC, here
in our nation's capital, the

hallowed halls of America's
history echo with the

names and deeds of our country's leaders.

Lincoln, Washington, Jefferson.

But equally in the struggle for liberty and

the pursuit of happiness,
have been our nation's

women.

Leaders in every decade,
Betsy Ross, Martha Washington,

Josephine McBain, Washington's
most celebrated hostess, Senator Tom

Reynolds' daughter, Jo.

There have been the Clara Bartons who made

the bandages, and the
Josephine McBains who bought

the Red Cross station wagons.

Oh, isn't that sweet?

Which one is it?

The third girl.

Darling, you are wonderful.

Goodbye now.

Thank you.

Everybody will be here.

The vice president, the
Argentine polo team, Admiral

Bowden, and Mickey
Rooney, that jockey you liked

at Pimlico.

Oh, dear, it's been that kind of a

day. And the maharani, don't
forget, she pronounces the

country Stravangoli.

Stravangoli.

And her companion's name is Lali Rijalpur.

And Mrs. Boudreau is
no longer Mrs. Boudreau,

she's Mrs. Kensington now.

It's really quite a remarkable list.

Only two recruitals out of 64.

Your father wanted to
invite Senators Heller and

Clark, but I said no.

They're investigating each other.

Mr. and Mrs. Van Johnson are going to

say they'll be here.

Oh, thank you, auntie.

And Ruth Pearson's column was on inflation.

And Mrs. Preston Pratt III called.

Ruth Pearson what?

Who?

Mrs. Preston Pratt III, that
sesquicentennial island woman.

Oh.
Knew you met your ex-husband up there.

Practically invited herself.

Well, keep her away from me.

I prefer not to be reading at my

honeymoon.

Well.

Hello, Catherine.

How are you, darling?

What wonderful to see you.

Oh, Drew, Drew, darling.

I loved every key in your typewriter today.

You handle inflation.

I can't.

Easy, darling.

Oh, did I burn you?

No, but you'd like to,
wouldn't you, darling?

Oh, you look positively ravishing.

Where's that fabulous van?

He's just finishing his
scene at the Smithsonian

Museum.

But he'll be here, won't he?

Oh, yes.

He said he would, provided they don't stuff

him and mount him.

Oh, Evie, you're a riot.

I thought it was a party.

We never miss one of those parties.

Not because we like them.

We're afraid to.

Oh, how do you do, Miss Rauchonpour?

Do you find our country very different from

your own Straubing and Bollier?

Yes.

Oh, how interesting.

Oh, Elsa, darling.

So the senator held the floor three hours,

eh?
What was he speaking about?

He didn't say.

Oh, a lovely party, Mrs. MacBain.

I want you to meet Senator Holdren.

Oh, how do you do?

I'll be looking forward to this.

Good evening.

Good evening.

How are you?

And I'm Senator Reynolds, your father.

Now, don't let that get around.

Not too much water, Henry.

Yes, sir, Mr. MacBain.

Mr. Andrew, we're so glad to see you

home again.

Well, it's good to be here, Artie.

We're so glad to have you back.

I'm glad to be back, Jan.

How are you, Freddy?

Fine, Mr. MacBain.

Daddy's back.

Good man.

We had a terrible time trying to get

Angus to eat.

Really?

Oh, he's so blue he won't even chase

the mailman anymore.

I guess it's the same cast, huh?

Same old cast.

Mr. MacBain, you're the best.
I bet you're the most brass, maybe.

Maybe last week, or maybe this week.

So I'll tell Mrs. MacBain's
you're here, sir?

No, no, don't disturb her.

I just slipped in this way to pick

up a few things I forgot.

Mrs. MacBain, the
Argentine polo team is ready.

Oh, excuse me.

That's what I like, men in numbers.

Angus.

Oh, Senator, I was just going to ask

you.

Ah, Senator MacBain, go inside.

Thank you.

Sandrian, senores.

Now, hold the plate.

Good evening, General Prager.

Good evening, Henry.

Good evening, Henry.

Well, fellas!

Lieutenant, to all you civilians.

Oh, well!

Hello, Ned!

Glad to see you, Jo.

Oh, Skye, darling, late for your own party.

I thought only women
liked to make entrances.

Well, sweetie, what on
earth have you joined?

United States Army, Angel.

You've no doubt heard about it.

Oh, terribly sorry,
darling, but we just learned

now that we're dashing off to Paris.

Paris?

Yes, isn't that a lovely coincidence?

We're all in shape.

I don't doubt it.

Jo, darling, if you have any more sweet

things to say, you'd better say them fast.

We're catching our plane in an hour.

But we're due at the British Embassy for

dinner.

Oh, I'm sorry to have to steal your

guest of honor away, Jo, but Europe needs

straightening out.

Oh, lots of things need straightening out.

Oh, thank you.

You'll excuse us.

Angus!

Angus, old man!

Oh, boy!

Well, well, what's the matter, old boy?

Did they invite you either?

Well, don't you worry,
you're not missing anything.

No, sir, no, sir.

You help me hunt for my books, huh?

Darling, General Prager
asked for Phyllis in the

set-up, not me.

It's just a coincidence.

And such a cozy one.

Well, I hope the three of you will

be very happy in your Paris, Garrett.

He dropped your ball.

Now, where did you drop her off?

Down, how's your cribbing?

Fine, Andy.

Come on, we need a new member of

the zoo.

Come on, say hello to Jo.

No, no, thank you.

Hello, Jo.

Hello, Andrew.

Well, I guess it's up to me.

I thought you were in the army, Andy.

I am.

Hello, Phyllis.

Jo, I'm missing a couple of books I

need in my work.

I'm making some tests, you know, testing.

But don't let me disturb you.

Ah, what books, Andrew?

Well, The Rubber Coating
of Fabrics by Schweck,

and Wool in the Arctic Under Stress and

Strain.

What's he doing here?

Stressing and straining.

Well, those books are
around here somewhere, Andy.

I just saw them recently.

Well, thanks, Tom.

You folks will excuse me.

I know.

Oh, well.

He's looking so much better and still very

attractive.

I guess we'd better
think about going, Skye.

I'll find our general.

Yes, yes, you don't want to miss Paris

in spring, the Eiffel Tower, and Phyllis in

bloom.

Darling.

Darling, I lock my door every night.

Oh, which side will she be on?

This assignment is
straight from heaven for you

and me.

Planes leave every half hour for Paris.

And our little Garret.

Can't you see us now walking along the

Seine hand in hand?

I can, but father can't.

Oh, well, I think.

Now, Skye, do you really want me to

come?
Because if you're still in the playing the

field mood, I'm not playing.

If it's anything that I like, it's a

good question.

There's your answer.

Excuse me.

They weren't in the library, and I thought

they might be under there.

Excuse me.

Oh, here.

I wondered where this was.

Hold that, will you?

Hold it back.

Be good, Angus.

Now, if I could just find the other

lenses.

You're talking about
those little glass things.

They're upstairs in the linen closet in an

old cold cream jar.

Well, the books must be somewhere.

Couldn't you go out and buy two new

copies?

The rubber coating of
fabrics, yes, but wool

in the Arctic under stress and strain, I

wrote myself.

Then write another.

You darling, this is terrible.

I haven't seen you since you were a

bride.

I can see you now in that pink

dress under my big elm.

And there's the groom.

Oh, Andrew, I must kiss you.

Oh, Martha, you're a vision.

Oh, what a pretty tie.

Oh, thank you.

What are you doing in our nation's capital?

Seeing my senator.

Now, you remember
that dirt road through the

woods to the beach?

You should.

You're always on it.

Well, some off-Islanders
have ferried over a

truckload of tar and gravel.

I said, Senator, we'll
have no eyesore modern

roads on Susquehanna.

Well, bully for our side.

How'd you get off the island?

Row all the way?

Speaking of rowing, what
really happened the night

that you said you rode around the island?

Oh, Martha, this is Colonel Fairchild.

This is Mrs. Preston Pratt.

The colonel's going to NATO.

How do you do?

Keep your eye on those foreigners.

Well, what happened?

Well, Martha, you see, I had to row

all night because it was a very strong

undercurrent.

Then what was she doing with those pie

needles in her hair?

Did I tell you the colonel was going

to NATO?

Yes.

Oh, and you two still go on those

picnics together?

Oh, by the way, what did you do

with my skillet?

Oh, I put that in the hall closet

with the blankets and the thermoses.

But about the pie needles, Martha.

Martha, Andrew and I are divorced.

Well, where's your nearest phone?

Because before I got it, I must telephone

the Department of Agriculture.

Japanese beetles are
ruining our lovely island, you

know.

Oh, you should see our dailies in the

fall.
But you'll be in NATO, won't you?

Martha, the first door to the right, you'll

find it there.

Martha's a lot of fun when you get

to know her.

I should be embarrassed,
but I'm only annoyed.

Don't be, my dear.

That's the old life.

Paris is the new.

When do we start living it?

Come along, Colonel.

Fort Sumter has just been fired upon.

Think of me, darling, when I'm in the

thick of things.

Sailor Gare, Jo.

Don't get lonesome.

We'll be commuting.

Good night, Senator.

Now, you cable me.

Chief, headquarters, Paris.

When you make your
reservations, these open arms

will be waiting for you at Arleigh Field.

What's that cute trick,
turning up after two

months unannounced?

You could see I was giving a party,

couldn't you? You could count
the cars outside, couldn't you?

I didn't have the time.

Well, you should have come in the front

door, like everyone else,
and worn your uniform.

I'm wearing it.

Do you mean to say you didn't accept

the colonelcy?

I can do the same job in tweeds,

and when I'm finished, I get back to

the plant and my research.

Now, if I upset anything, I'm sorry.

Upset anything?

Do you mean sneaking in the back door,

skulking around, spying,
reliving our courtship with Mrs.

Preston Pratt?

I couldn't relive it with you, could I?

Keep your voice down.

Doesn't it strike you
as being rather symbolic

that the Japanese Beatles
are destroying our elm

tree?
Yes, since our marriage fell apart at the

same time.

Hamburger Island, how coy could we get?

Oh, we got pretty coy.

That's the same night that you suggested we

wear matching suits.

As I recall, you bought a set of

him and her towels.

Well, that was a mistake, and I made

a lot of others too, like thinking you'd

be the same girl here as you were

on that island.

Oh, well, of course, you didn't turn out

to be a big disappointment,
loading the dinner

table with those
fascinating fabric engineers.

What are you talking about?

Now, Andrew, let's take a silk thread and

cross it with a bit of nylon thread

and see what we get.

Well, I know what I got.

Board, all right.

Go do your research in Paris.

Chase after your gingerbread colonel.

Will you be quiet? He'll be delighted
to ringmaster this circus you're

running, but you better keep a net up.

Someday, you'll fall flat on your face.

Now, how dare you talk to me like

this?
Oh, Pepe Baroness, you're not leaving?

What, no caviar?

Henry, another bucket for the Baroness.

Will you take your loud mouth and your

junk out of this house?

I'll be charmed, but you keep the junk.

I should have caught on when that was

taken.
Anybody call those lousy things hamburgers?

Hypocrite.

You said they were cute at the time.

They were burned at the time.

Artemisa, sweep up that mess.

I'll take a dozen of those just to

remind me how lucky I am.

Sorry, Tom.

So long.

The earliest reservation,
day after tomorrow.

Well, all right, that'll do.

Yes, yes, Jo McBain.

Your boss knows me,
Senator Reynolds' daughter.

I'll send my man for the ticket.

Bye.

What's this?

I thought you might want to reframe it.

I do.

You were both in good voice tonight.

Keep the net up, another bucket for the

Baroness.

Father, how could I have ever been caught

so off guard?

Blinded by summer moonlight,
toasting those sandy marshmallows,

that big elm tree.

Don't you ever let me go on another

holiday without first checking out the-Not

even to Paris?

Father, this is different.

Yes, I know.

You want to protect your interests, but do

you have to chase after him?

I'd better.

Well, that vulture
Phyllis gets her claws into

him.

Oh, what a sweet setup for her, his

office wife.

Can't you see her now looking so chicly

patriotic as she bends close to pour his

coffee?

It figures.

First lieutenant, Phyllis Trumbull.

Good grief.

If she got a commission as a first

lieutenant, I should be a general.

Why not?

Why not?

Nowadays, many a man's head is turned by

a pretty uniform.

Are you inferring I should join the army?

Why, it seems to me that would solve

your myriad problems.

You're kidding.

I'm confident that my
daughter, with her superior

leadership qualities, could top
anything lieutenant Phyllis had

to offer.

And you could get me assigned to Europe.

Yeah, and you could work the day shift

as well as the night shift.

It's perfect.

Oh, now, father, I'm not greedy.

You know that.

I don't mind starting as a major or

a captain and working up on my own

merits.

Why, there's no telling.

You might be that first woman general.

Even president.

Oh, I'll let you be president first.

Oh, now, father, you'll take care of all

the red tape and getting
the commission, that

sort of thing?

Roger.

And I couldn't be prouder.

Say, I'm not rushing into this thing, am

I?
You are.

And you'd better.

The age limit is 35.

Now, you know perfectly well that I'm only

35.

You call the V for Omar.

They'll take care of
everything while I close

up the house.

Hello.

Hello, TWA?

Oh, this is Senator
Reynolds' daughter again.

I'd like to cancel that reservation I made

for Paris.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

I'm still going, but I'm going another way.

The army's sending me.

Thank you.

Bye-bye.

While 230 miles to the north was another

woman furthering the female
cause, making history of

a different kind, prominent and a leader in

her field.

Hold it, dear.

That's fine, honey child.

Now, one for Halloween.

But this is April Fool's Day.

Magazine publicity.

You know, you make them months in advance.

Uh-uh, Mr. Gettleman.

And speaking of love, honey, your love to

meet a friend I got coming over here.

Now, I thought maybe if you're not tied

down for dinner tonight.

But, you know, I never eat before a

performance.

It shows.

Not even with my chief backer?

Why, we wouldn't be in business if it

wasn't for Nicola Horace.

Now, there's such a
thing as courtesy, isn't

there?
Well, I guess so.

I'll think about it.

That's my little love bug.

All right, strike a pose.

Glad to see you.

Come on, step right over here.

Danger or doubt, I'd like to present my

best friend, Mr. Nicola Horace.

Danger.

You don't scare me a bit.

I'd like you to go to a little

party with me tonight.

How about it?

How about the picture?

Hey, you didn't answer my question.

What about my party?

You can be the whole party.

Danger, baby, where you going, love bug?

Oh, I'm getting away from men and love

and...

Miss McBain.

Miss McBain.

What a niece.

Must you make all that racket?

Mrs. McBain, you'll have to wake up.

You'll have to wake up.

You're joining the army at 11.

Now, hurry.

Oh, I am.

I'm Joan McBain.

Did General Bradley phone you?

No.

He hasn't called me yet.

But, uh, Lieutenant
Comar in his office phoned

and explained that you are single, you have

all the qualifications,
and you desire to join.

Yes, yes.

And the sooner the better.

I've got a million things to do before

I get off.

Henry?

Birth certificate.

And I'd like that back.

Diplomas.

College of Fine Arts.

Lucerne Academy for Young Ladies.

Miss Farcroft's Connecticut.

Oh, uh, Henry, while I'm tied up here

for a few minutes, will you go to

Brentano's and pick me up these books?

Almanac de Gotha.

Right.

Dining Out in Paris.

I fed Royal Stomachs by shift.

And then, uh, go along to General Bradley's

office and have him give you an officer's

guide and any little pamphlets that he may

have on NATO and shape.

Headquarters.

Well, now, what do we do next?

You fill out these papers in that room.

Oh, you make them out for me, will

you, dear?
Very well.

Uh, you don't mind signing them?

Oh, no.

No, not at all.

Please sit down, Mrs. McBain.

Thank you.

Now, we must have the names of five

character references we can call.

Oh, oh, certainly.

Uh, Anna Rosenberg, Assistant
Secretary of Defense, General

Omar Bradley, Admiral Collins,
and General Hoyt Vandenberg.

That's four.

Oh, and the President.

Of the United States, that is.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Inhale.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Inhale.

Exhale.

I've got Miss Carnegie for you.

Oh, good.

Hello, hello.

Howdy, darling.

Well, I'm flying overseas in a matter of

hours, so you must rush those uniforms.

And take a little fullness out of the

skirts, will you, dear?

No, no, never mind
about the captain's bars.

I've ordered those at Tiffany's.

Bye now.

Any insanity in your family?

Well, hardly.

My father's a senator.

I, Gertrude Elling McBain,
do solemnly swear or

affirm that I will serve them honorably and

faithfully against all their
enemies according to the

regulations and the uniform
code of military justice.

Of course, I'm thrilled,
Father, but why did

my order say you won't leave Virginia when

I'm going to Paris?

Only a formality.

You know the army.

That's red tape.

Well, I'm going to take everything with me

when we fly, direct from there.

Oh, oh, Henry, I'll wire you when to

pick up the car.

And Artemisa, be sure
everything is covered when

you close the house.

And make sure also that my key things

are put in the trunk so they're sent

to Paris.

Yes, ma'am.

Oh, Miss Gorham, be
certain that everyone here

gets a check for a month.

I will.

I could fall.

I just can't believe all this.

Oh, now, now, now.

Josephine, remember you're a Reynolds.

Oh, shut up.

I've been inoculated for
everything with Phyllis Trumbull.

Now, Father, I'm not going to worry about

you on your vacation.

Right.

You just worry about all the fish I'm

going to catch.

They're not going to like it at all.

Now, be a good soldier.

Bye, now.

I've got my commission.

Where do I go, please?

Third intersection.

Turn left.

19 blocks.

White Training Center.

Thank you.

Boy, I mean, soldier, you're in my way.

Oh, oh, it's all right.

You can...

Oh, it's all right.

Just a little.

Get the train in.

What can we do for you?

Oh, I'm one of your brand-new officers.

Can you tell me where to go?

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four.

To Box B Company.

Thank you, darling.

Your company will be filling in during the

next 48 hours, and girls will be arriving

here day and night.

All right, select your bed.

No private.

All luggage is filled in the luggage area.

You won't have to worry about that.

You won't be officially
welcomed until tomorrow at

0800.

Ada, talk to you.

Oh, thank you.

In the meantime, you'll
see your first guidon

competition.

All right, line up in single file.

Come on, let's go.

Oh, Lieutenant.

Oh, excuse me, Sergeant.

I seem to be lost.

Perhaps you could help me?

Well, perhaps I can.

Your name and where are you from?

Jo McBain, Washington.

You see, I've just come down here...

Oh, yes, Josephine McBain.

Okay, McBain.

Follow me.

Oh, dear.

Where's your luggage, McBain?

Well, it's in the car, but where do

I go?

Well, right now you're going with us to

see the parade.

Oh, will I see someone in charge?

Will the General be there?

Oh, yes, he'll be there, McBain.

Good.

Say, I know you.

You're Jo McBain, that
famous Washington madam.

Oh, I read Time.

Subscription?

Oh, yes, I read that big article on

you.

Say, are you here incognito?

Well, let's say temporarily.

Well, your secret's buried right here.

Then I know it's safe.

Well, I'm Claire Schneiderman.

I'm Sergeant Wayne.

Follow me.

Oh, sure.

Turn around and face me.

At ease.

General Prentiss, isn't it?

I'm Jo McBain.

Remember the Pentagon parking lot?

Yes, I met you there with my father,

Senator Reynolds and General Bradley.

Oh, how do you do?

Omar knew I was coming down here today.

He wanted me to give you his best

regards.

Thank you.

And this is Colonel Hubbard.

She's the commanding officer of the WACs.

Oh, well, how do you do?

How are you, Mrs. McBain?

Oh, well, this is a nice surprise.

I did want to meet you eventually.

It looks as though you're doing a wonderful

job here.

Thank you.

If you'll stay over,
perhaps you'll have lunch

with me tomorrow.

I'd enjoy showing you
around the training center.

Well, I'll be delighted when I return.

You will give me now a rain check,

won't you?

Thank you.

Big place.

Where is your airport?

Well, you go out the main gate.

That's Route 36, you know.

Then you turn left.

You go down about a mile until you

come to a little orange stand under some

trees.

Then just beyond that is a fork.

Well, you don't take the fork.

Excuse me, Colonel Hubbard.

McBain has left her unit.

Who?

Her man.

I think we'd better join the others.

Oh, protocol.

I'll see you later, folks.

Two minutes

to wash and dress.

And Miss McBain, it's time to get up.

Oh, Artemisia, must
you make all that racket?

Come on, McBain.

Wake up.

Oh, but Sergeant, I don't have to get

up.

Oh, I'm afraid you do.

You see, we've arranged a welcome for you.

Oh, how sweet.

I do hope your lovely colonel hasn't gone

to too much trouble.

Well, you see, it isn't every day that

we get someone like you.

Oh, does it matter what I wear?

No, as long as you don't wear that.

You are quick.

Now, let's see.

Which way was that?

Interesting dining with the enlisted girls.

Spending the night with a green group.

It's been an invaluable experience.

I must write farther.

Yes.

Well, since I'm going to be in command

abroad, I'm glad I've learned the art of

working quickly, sweetie.

Oh, I'm Jo McBain.

How are you, uh, Captain Malloy?

I suppose you've
arranged everything for me.

And whatever the army says goes for me.

Then sit down, McBain.

Welcome to Fort Lee.

Oh, I know how you must be feeling

at this moment because I once sat where

you're sitting and
wondered just what I'd gotten

myself into.

But no matter what
your reasons for joining,

patriotic, a desire to
improve yourself, you'll find

we're happy to have you.

And the army is anxious to find just

the right job for you.

Some of you may qualify for a leader's

school.

Others, officer candidate school.

We are here to help you, not only

in your new army career, but in personal

fulfillment.

Good luck, soldiers.

Thank you.

Gentlemen, my last night to you.

Oh, that Walter Sweet speech, Captain.

I'd love a copy of that for my

girls in NATO.

Did you write it yourself?

You'll have to excuse me, Captain.

As you can see, McBain is a very

busy woman.

Yes, yes.

Well, uh, so long now.

Wait a minute.

You forgot your little admiral.

But I have my shoes.

They're in my car.

Come on, you sad sack.

Sergeant.

Here's your sack.

Take these things.

I don't need them.

Here.

But I went to my doctor, and he

gave me these same shots.

I'm sure.

Now we are both sure.

Now, girls, will you please sit down while

you wait for your interview?

Were you in any sports?

Well, I won lots of ribbons at the

Pendleton Rodeo.

I got sick and tired of pounding a

typewriter all day long in a stuffy office.

My great-grandfather made his money in the

gold rush looking for tourists.

That's why I was able to go to

art school in San Francisco.

I wanted to prove I could do something

other than milk cows.

So you were a GI bride and a

Lance Corporal in the Women's
Auxiliary Territorial Service

in the last war?

Now, Clara, what job in the Army do

you think you're best fitted for?

Intelligence.

And why your choice?

Well, for some reason,
gentlemen seem to take

an interest in me.

In fact, my boss in my last job,

he was always...

What job was that, Clara?

Oh, well, I was a showgirl.

And between shows, well, I'd go to the

newsreel and see different newsreels.

And I saw one, this new Texas Army

maneuver.

Operation Longhorn.

Yes, where the Army actually used a girl

spy.

I thought to myself, I'm always thinking to

myself, I thought, well, why not get away

from all these men, see, and get with

just one man?

Who's that?

Uncle Sam.

Well, it's just that I feel I'd like

to give my country what I've got.

Well, counterintelligence.

A G2.

Yes.

Well, it does require
certain special talents.

Do you speak any languages fluently?

Yes, ma'am, English.

I see.

Well, my boss,
Mr. Gettleman, he didn't think

Clara Schneiderman was
glamorous enough, so he gave

me a new name.

What was it?

Danger O'Dowd.

That's so silly.

You won't tell any of the other girls?

Everything is confidential.

Good.

Specifically, what did
you do as a showgirl?

Wear pretty costumes?

Yes, green gauze and a little fruit here

and there.

Little cherries and bananas and apples.

And then we'd walk around, and the creeps

and gentlemen would stare
right through the cherries

and the bananas.

And you know, it's very upsetting to a

girl like I.

I just got so upset, I felt like

joining the French Foreign Legion.

But they wouldn't take you, so you drank

the whack instead.

Now, Clara, what other
experience have you had?

Well, when I was very little, I worked

in my father's garage, the
Schneiderman Jiffy Toe.

We served Unite Day.

Garage experience?

That's wonderful.

We could use you in the motor pool.

Well, you might, ma'am, but my heart

wouldn't be in it like it would be

in spying.

It wouldn't?

Anything else you've done?

Well, now, let's see.

Something else.

Oh, I used to sit on coffee bags.

You what?

Well, you know, with my bathing suit on

and have my picture taken.

I was Miss Coffee Bean in 1949 and

50, then Miss Avocado in 1951.

Of course, I was sitting amongst avocados.

Of course.

Now, let me see if I've got this

all down.

Helped father in towing cars.

Showgirl in nightclub.

Sat on coffee bags and among avocados for

advertising purposes.

Preference intelligence work, correct?

Yes, correct.

Thank you.

Well, goodbye, dear.

Look, for the fourth time, what do you

want to do in the Army?

For the fourth time, I want to see

someone in charge.

Is this woman's name McBain?

Yes, ma'am.

Just a moment, Sergeant
Taylor, while I check

with Captain Murchison.

Sergeant, get Captain
Murchison at B Company.

Yes, ma'am.

What's that?

Josephine McBain.

Yes, she's in the new bath.

Oh, no, no one told me about any

VIPs.

I'll phone Major Cartwright.

No, Captain, there's no record here.

Oh, she is, eh?

I'd better call the Pentagon and check with

Colonel Fulbright.

No, no record of a commission issued to

Josephine McBain.

She's listed as private.

Well, I'll call General
Bradley's office to see

if he knows anything about it.

Oh, I see, Colonel.

I may have been in error.

I'll ask the General, and then I'll phone

you back.

General Bradley, sir.

Lieutenant Colmar speaking.

Yes, Lieutenant.

Did I misunderstand you,
sir, about Senator McBain's

daughter?

Did he phone you about her joining the

WAC?

The Senator did say something about it.

Better locate him.

He's fishing at Medicine Hat, Canada.

Oh, no.

No, thanks, General.

Well, no officers training school.

My daughter wants to start at the bottom.

She's that kind of a girl.

Save you.

Bye.

No commission for McBain.

Check.

No commission.

Josephine McBain is private McBain.

Official.

Thank you, Major.

I hope it wasn't too much trouble.

We checked officially,
Private McBain, and you have

no commission, none
having been applied for.

Get on with that
interview, Sergeant Taylor.

Now, what would you like to do?

I'd like to murder my father.

Raise your arms, Corporal.

This jacket appears OK.

Hey, how about the seams there?

They look fine.

Small areas of perspiration.

And a minimum weight loss.

That's twice around the obstacle course.

You weren't taking it
easy, were you, Corporal?

Oh, no, sir.

I gave it the works.

Looks like McBain didn't know what he was

talking about, sir.

He's been bragging about
the synthetic thread he's

cooked up.

You've accomplished miracles
in the four months you've

been here.

Well, I have to admit, I started thinking

four years ago.

Now I'm going back to the factory and

think some more.

You haven't told him yet?

No, sir.

So, uh, Andrew, we're in a bit of

a spot.

General Grail of the Alaskan
Command has requested

500 more whacks on the double.

That means Arctic clothing.

The best stuff we can rush off.

We?

You mean if I leave now, I'm undermining

our national defense?

Exactly.

When are you going to talk this guy

back into uniform so I can order him

around?

Sergeant.

Yes.

We'll need six girls by
Saturday, assorted types,

ages, and shapes.

Will you volunteer for
the hazardous mission of

finding them?

Oh, yes, sir.

Anything for the Quartermaster
Testing Board, sir.

Halt!

At ease.

Fall out.

McBain.

You said fall out, didn't you?

For the last three
weeks, I've explained that

you can't fall out from an at-ease

position.

Oh, oh, little prick.

How cute.

A word of advice, McBain.

If you want to learn how to be

a general, you first have to learn how

to be a private.

If you can't figure things out, then watch

Schneiderman.

Schneiderman, take
McBain over there and drill her

for another hour.

Yes, Sergeant.

At ease.

Attention.

Private McBain and Private
Schneiderman, fall out.

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four.

McBain, this is nothing
personal, but you don't

put any spirit into it.

Now, let me show you how to pivot.

Sure.

Go ahead.

Show me.

Okay.

See, you put your right toe behind your

left heel.

That's it.

And your shoulders, likewise.

You know, Schneiderman,
you've got something I'll never.

Look, if you don't learn how to march,

our company's never going to win that green

guidon.

Is that like the Irish sweepstakes?

No, it's like West Point.

Oh.
You see, you can only win a green

guidon for superior
marching, and we're going to

win it.

That's all.

That's telling me.

On your feet.

Attention.

Now, you've got to follow me, see.

Left feet.

Forward march.

Now, don't get too close.

Column left.

March.

Don't push.

Column right.

March.

Column right.

General Bradley or the
Secretary of Defense or

the Vice President.

Are you sure you mailed them after you

read them?

Oh, yes.

Here's something I haven't read.

Oh, you mean the cable from your colonel

friend in Paris who's aided General Prager.

None other.

Oh, I read that.

My chéri, you join for me and I'll

stick it out for me until I get

back, which could be any weekend.

Or any year now.

Oh, consuming love and being a good boy,

getting to bed early.

Probably early in the morning.

Well, you better start
fixing those patties.

Say, Schneiderman, come here.

Get going with those 806 hamburgers.

Yes, ma'am.

What are those little things?

Well, I didn't know if you wanted them

cocked in size.

Who are you kidding?

Shove those things together.

Some people prefer them small.

Other people like them large.

Look, Schneiderman, you
better ease into this spying

business gradually.

Mustn't overdo, you know.

Come on, Bixby.

Get the lid out.

She should talk about the lid.

It was a big, tall man.

He was looking at me right through the

window.

And he had a beard, didn't he?

Yeah.

No.

Gee.

He doesn't have a beard.

You know, this is a real treat.

We haven't had hamburger in a long time.

You're right.

My goodness, what's that?

Secretary of the Army, Pentagon.

Frank, darling.

About my mission, this something mix-up.

Look at it.

Red tape is keeping me
something prisoner here.

And fed up.

Enjoying the view, Sergeant?

Quartermaster board research.

Keeping Tom Branch?

Well, the captain must
know what she's doing.

Nevertheless, I'm going
to pull down my shade

tonight.

I have

a terrible shock for you, McBain.

This isn't the French Riviera.

You know, of course, that you can't wear

your own suit.

Oh, well, Sergeant, you see, I have a

medical problem.

I'm allergic to army wool and vicious young

women.

McBain, you were rather
preoccupied during Captain Murchison's

welcoming speech.

So you might have missed what she had

to say about having the right attitude.

I warn you, it's my job to help

you get it.

Come on, let's race.

I forgot.

I don't know how to swim.

Hello, blondie.

Hey, Sergeant.

Oh, hi.

I don't know what to call you.

I can't find your insignia.

And what should I call you before I

call the MP?

The MP?

Oh, we're buddy, buddy.

Now, I'll go quietly.

All I ask is six of your girls

for test subjects.

And say that we start with you.

Now, there are a lot of things that

I'd like to ask you, blondie.

First, what is your full name?

Thank you, sir.

I tried to pick you six different types.

I got their home states, their wage, their

ages.

Couldn't get their measurements.

You're slipping.

Here they are, sir, from
all different climates.

Private Schneiderman, New York State.

Private North, London.

Oh, uh, Gustafson from Wisconsin Rapids.

Oh, Tinoco, Honolulu.

Are you stuck, honey?

Move it, boogity.

Please, blondie, I just want to talk to

you.

Oh, I've got great plans for you.

Oh, let me tell you about it.

Oh, please, honey.

Company B, Base Training Battalion.

Corporal Swetko speaking.

Hold on, sir.

Telephone, McBain.

Thank you.

It's a treasure hunt.

Now, what did you forget?

I just came over for six girls.

I need them.

You always did overdue.

Private McBain, telephone.

The VIP, Colonel Fairchild.

Skye!

Better take your shovel.

Skye, darling, where are you, Paris?

Washington Airport.

And exactly 29 minutes
by helicopter away from

my hope, your still-loving arms.

I told you we'd be commuting.

Oh, angel, I can't wait to hear.

Yes, it's perfect timing.

We get our first exile pass this weekend.

Oh, you naughty Parisian.

I'll be counting the seconds.

Yes.

Can we load our six girls, sir?

Captain Murchison's giving the go signal.

Oh, sure, go ahead.

Yes, we can have dinner.

Well, there's a wonderful
little tavern in Williamsburg.

Yes, yes, I've got my car.

I'm afraid I'll need one more, Captain.

A tall, dark, sort of skinny, cold-blooded

type.

There are very important
psychological aspects to this

test.

Well, uh, Private McBain has her first pass

coming today, sir, but if you request her,

the needs of the service come first.

Consider her request, ma'am.

I won't promise to bring them back.

We're living, girls, we're living!

You keep prepping.

Next time I might take you.

Please give this to
Colonel Fairchild when he

asks for me.

It's Jo McBain.

Tell him I'm on special duty at the

Corning House forecasting lab.

Are they all in there?

All present and accounted for, sir.

Set it for Big Delta.

Big Delta?

Yes, sir.

And make it 20 below zero.

20 below zero.

Right, sir.

Girls, you're now near
Anchorage, Alaska, and the

temperature is 20 degrees below zero.

Can you hear me?

If you can, wave your arms.

Fine.

I have just climbed out of a car...

Hold it.

Begin.

Get that fire lit, one.

Turn on the wind.

Yes, sir.

Number one, light that fire.

Two, four, five, and six.

Your face is still warm?

Three, four, five, six, and seven, come on

out. Lieutenant Constable
wants to buy you some coffee.

Hot coffee coming right up, girls.

And now the sleeping bag test for wind

and snow.

Pardon me, am I interrupting something?

Oh, hello there, Colonel.

Fairchild, I believe.

How do you do?

I guess I must be in the wrong

place.

Oh, no, no.

Oh, I, uh...

I'm looking for Mrs...

for Jo.

She's inside.

Come on, bring out the whole bag.

Hey, Jo.

Joe, is that you?

I think so, darling.

Oh, Skye, I'm so glad you're here.

So am I, darling.

Uh, I thought we had a...

What are you doing in here?

Trying to light a fire.

Why?

I'm supposed to cook dinner.

Oh, but darling, now look, we got a

date.

I don't want to eat here.

Oh, no, it was just a test, sweetheart.

Oh, I nearly forgot.

I picked up a little something for you

on the Rue de Lupe.

Oh, darling, that's so sweet, darling.

See, that zipper's just no good at 40

below.

Neither am I.

Well, now that you've done your bit for

the glorious future of
the Alaskan sleeping bag,

shall we get out of here?

Now we'll test the
over-whites, the camouflage

covers.

Well, what...

Number one, you're hiking from Big Delta to

Point Barrow.

Lift your feet.

Sergeant, hit the blizzard.

Sweet enough for all you sweet things.

Oh, thank you.

Just couldn't be sweet enough for you.

Oh, thank you.

How do you find the Army?

Keen?

You know, I can help you with your

studies, teach you things.

Hey, that's wonderful.

I want to learn things,
especially a phonetic

alphabet.

You know, that's very hard.

Oh, it's a cinch.

It's A, Abel.

A, Abel, B...

Now, that's enough for one lesson.

I don't want you to get brain-fag.

Do I grow on you?

No, sir.

Between you, me, and Tom here, how do

I offend?

Oh, it isn't you.

It's just that you're like all the others.

The others?

You mean there has been some other man

before me, interested as deeply and as...

And as physically.

Nobody cares about my mind.

Your mind?

Well, I'm crazy about it now that you

mention it.

I'll bet.

No, no kidding.

What night can we get a discussion group

together, say, just you and me and Tom

and Charlie here?

Never.

Never?

Then this is goodbye.

That's right, goodbye.

You go your way.

Danger, O'Dowd.

And I'll go mine.

Hey, where'd you get that?

Put it down, Sergeant, please.

I'll just die.

About our discussion group, it's a deal?

That's blackmail.

I like that one.

It's a deal, it's a deal.

Let's leave now.

No, no.

Let's check that liner.

No penetration here.

Looks like we made it, sir.

Splendid.

How'd you come through, Lieutenant?

With flying colors.

You made a substantial
contribution to anthropometry.

That's just ginger peachy.

Oh, my, I want to thank you.

Two, three, four, five, six, and seven.

And may I go now, Professor?

And one.

Thank you.

Get as close as you can, honey.

I'm responsible for her welfare.

I had a long talk with Colonel Fulbright

this morning.

She was very sympathetic.

You see, you've been in the service about

five weeks now.

It's too late to be commissioned from the

outside.

But if your commanding
officer okays you after

observing you doing
basic, you can apply for

one in three weeks.

Three weeks?

Observe me.

Now, good heaven,
Skye, if I haven't already

demonstrated in public life...

Darling, Paris.

That I'm fit for leadership.

Honey, think about our little Garrett.

And that I'd make a good officer.

Walking hand in hand along the Seine.

Oh, all right.

I'll be good if he kills me.

And it probably will.

Will you join your group quick before the

sergeant sees you?

What?

Sergeant, I'm afraid some of this is my

doing.

This is Colonel Fairchild.

He flew all the way from Paris just

to witness our experiment.

To be honest, we're old friends, and we

planned to spend the evening together.

But couldn't you make an exception?

He's come such a distance.

Sorry, sir.

But we're not allowed to issue passes this

late to any trainee.

How did you test subjects make out?

We gave our all to Skye.

There's no place like Nome's.

Oh, McBain, she won the endurance record.

She stayed in longer than all of us.

Well, well done, McBain.

Girls were scheduled to go out on the

rifle range at 1500 on Monday.

As you know, the
actual firing is voluntary.

Okay, Sergeant, you can put me down.

Oh, me too.

Me too.

Oh, fine.

Fine, all of you.

Excluding McBain?

Including McBain.

Okay.

You have one minute until light's out.

Hurry up.

Okay, come on, Jo.

Come on.

Good girl.

Now, if you can stay just as sweet

as you can be for the next three

weeks.

Then I must have action.

Oh, honey, you're going to get it.

Stop time, McBain.

Your organism's got a very secret thing.

But not regulation.

Colonel, I didn't intend to take up your

whole day, but I'm sure you got a

great deal out of it.

Oh, I did, I did.

You see, I'm a very scientific man.

And I did myself.

Oh, I didn't know that.

Oh, yes, yes.

MIT, four years.

Majored in metallurgy.

Well, that's very interesting.

Still carry on a few experiments myself.

Well, well.

I take this ignition key, for instance.

You wouldn't think that such a tough alloy

as this, when submitted
to a low temperature,

would prove brittle, would you?

Yet it does.

Let me show you.

All in the interest of science, McBain.

And yet there's so many things that are

unexplained.

Good night, experts.

Well, it's only about four miles down here

at the Quartermaster Corps.

Country boy.

You want I should hunt ye, taxi style?

Ta-ta, here I face, ye for help,

here it tip-tip, for ye lay right,

lay right.

Ready on the left.

Ready on the right.

Ready on the firing line.

Commence firing.

Fire.
Cease firing.

What's the matter, McBain?

Well, keep that weapon
pointed toward the target.

It's nothing.

It's just that I had no idea there'd

be so much noise.

You want to quit?

Oh, when I'm having so much fun?

Ready on the left.

Ready on the left.
This I had to see to believe.

Ready on the firing line.

She really was through with it.

And fire.

Great, great.

Hey, I'm going to have to crisp her

before I take her out again.

It's nice work if you can get it.

Keep that weapon
pointed towards the target.

To the lab, James.

I may need my armored vest.

Hey!

Seven weeks and she's still on her feet.

Hey, blondie!

Don't sit in any poison ivy!

Oh, are you and Colonel
Fairchild going dancing

in this?

We sure are.

What are you going to do in that?

Wash my hair.

Clara, put my purse in my bag, please.

All right, but you get in on time

tonight.

You've been a good girl for six whole

days.
You'd just be good for another two weeks.

And then when we graduate, maybe you and

the Colonel, we could all be assigned to

Paris together.

Then I can do my undergrad work there.

Except I can't speak French.

Oh, well, you wouldn't have to say much.

Why don't we make it a foursome and

bring you a singing sergeant, huh?

I don't trust him.

No?

You know, in our last
discussion group together,

nobody turned up but him.

Voila.

I dread to ask, but what did you

talk about?

Well, part of the time, you and that

ex-husband of yours.

Told the sergeant you had another date with

the Colonel tonight.

You didn't.

You did.

Come on, Irish fool.

That's a girl.

Do you suppose they're looking for us?

Well, they can't pull that good-of-the

-service stuff on me.

Isn't this fun?

How long is this scientific
marathon going to

last?

Until we determine the
density of the cement

and ensure a perfect
lamination of the layers

of cloth.

But you ought to talk to her.

Oh, Colonel, I think this is just your

size.

Now, let me have the flower.

I'll keep it fresh for you.

Here goes nothing.

It's fine, Sergeant.

Now, line them up, huh?

Yes, sir.

All right, girls, line right up along here,

please.

All right, undo your jackets.

Okay, Sergeant, they're all yours now.

We'll locate and record the damp areas.

Yes, sir.

Oh, no, no.

Here's where we separate the men from the

boys.
You fellows work on down there.

Let's see what's under the hood.

You tickle.

Excuse me.

Unzip, please.

Raise your arms.

Very good.

Very good.

Let's see the back.

Not so bad.

I used to think it was perfect.

Damp there.

All the way through?

To the car.

It's better than I expected, all in the

line of duty.

Is that enough?

More than enough.

You ought to watch that army food.

You've been very patient, Colonel.

Thank you, Juan.

Well, it's 1500.

You've still got time to leave the base.

Back into the coats, girls.

Next, we test the gloves.

Corporal!

Chivalry!

Chivalry!

You and your experiments.

You've already done
enough to keep your hands

off of me.

Come on.

Are you all right?

No, I can't issue a pass after 1800.

I'm sorry.

Oh, you're always sorry.

And you'll be sorry, too, with that smug,

contentable, misplaced
sense of humor of yours.

Take it to the car.

Oh, no, you don't.

I demand to see someone in charge right

here and now.

What's the matter, McBain?

Are you sick?

Of everything.

I'm up to here with your meaningless rules

and regulations.

You've got to do this before 0800, and

you can't do that after 0900.

Because we talk about it tomorrow.

Yes, I think that would be better.

Well, you want to know what I think?

I think I made the mistake of my

life when I lifted my right hand.

I marched myself so my feet are two

sizes larger.

I ground 806 hamburgers
and gassed myself to

eternity and back, only to be singled out

for unfair treatment.

You wanted to make something of me.

Well, you have.

A nervous wreck.

All right, let's go, McBain.

I don't want to be a captain, or

a major, or a colonel, or a general

with two stars.

Do you swear to tell the truth, the

whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so

help you God?

I do.

Be seated, Captain.

As Private Josephine McBain's
commanding officer, you've requested

this board to consider
her separation from the

service.

Will you please give us the facts?

Well, unfortunately, Private McBain's
outbursts are characteristic, and

there's a slim chance of her ever being

able to accept discipline.

For a while, she did seem to be

making an effort.

I feel she should be allowed to graduate.

Women like McBain can do us great harm.

We, the undersigned of
Company B, First Floor,

respectfully request that
Private McBain be allowed to

graduate with us.

You formed a close personal
friendship with Private

McBain, so isn't your
testimony a little biased?

Oh, yes, ma'am.

Excuse me.

Oh, ma'am, I know she's sorry for

what she said.

She always mops under her bed.

And a woman like that doing her own

washing, that makes
you stop and think, doesn't

it?

Yes.

Thank you, Private Schneiderman.

Excuse me.

And then we got divorced,
although her father,

the senator, was on my side.

And that night, when I came back, on

the staircase, he heard
us quarreling, and the

next thing you know, he tricked her into

joining the Army, hoping
that you'd straighten her

out.

And that's just what you were doing when

I came along with my misguided sense of

humor and started to need her.

Left anything out?

Just the Japanese Beatles.

And, Mr. McBain, this is not a court

of domestic relations.

And unless you have
some pertinent testimony...

Just this.

I've witnessed enough
of her training, and seen

her make a sincere effort to know that

I saw the girl I used to know

on that island.

Therefore, in conclusion,
in my opinion, she'll be

a good soldier.

Thank you, Mr. McBain.

We appreciate your comment.

Private McBain, have you anything to say in

your own behalf?

The effort that Andrew,
uh, Mr. McBain referred

to was an effort, but it wasn't sincere.

It was only a selfish means of joining

someone in Paris.

I never seriously
considered an Army career.

I'm not officer material.

I'm not even private material.

And contrary to Mr. McBain's
opinion, I wouldn't

make a good soldier.

I'm out.

Jo!

Hi, Mr. McBain.

You're Private Jo McBain.

Colonel Fairchild's on the phone for you.

Oh, thank you.

Maybe your Colonel friend
will think of something.

Well, did he think of something?

He sure did.

We're going to be
married day after tomorrow.

Oh, Jo.

Well, that's wonderful.

What am I going to do without you?

Oh, now, Clara.

With a parade to guide on.

Come on, we've got to win it.

No, no, no.

You've got to win it.

I've got to pack.

If the way is rough And the odds

are tough And the need is for all

-out power And if every day Brings a

challenge our way No matter what the score

Count the mission won For the job will

be done That

doesn't belong to you personally.

It goes into the day room.

Oh, I know, Sergeant.

But can't we take it to the party,

please?

Oh, I think it'll be all right.

I'll ask Captain Murchison.

Gee, you've got to go, Joe.

No thanks, Clara.

I'd rather not.

Oh, don't be like that.

It's also my engagement party.

Noisy.

Just a thing, Sergeant.

Well, when did that happen?

Oh, well, he doesn't know about it yet.

He doesn't know about it?

Yet.

He doesn't know about it yet?

I didn't think she'd come.

Yeah, it's pretty rough.

Clara persuaded her, after all.

It is their last night together.

And ours.

Oh, we got to live and love.

What's the matter?

Well, this thing's alive.

Well, let's kill it.

I've just got to say goodbye to Clara.

Not bad.

Oh, hello.

Matter of fact, very good.

The WAC must have
excellent cooking teachers.

Oh, they do.

But I learned this
technique from a civilian

expert.

They're not too small.

No, no, just right.

Exactly.

You got the knack, finally, eh?

You mixed the onions and the salt.

Before I added the salt and pepper.

Good girl.

This is our last dance together.

Doesn't it make you feel all choked up

inside?

Sure.

This is the first time we've ever danced

together.

Say, my assistants seem to have their hands

full, so I guess I'll have to take you on.

Taking more notes this time?

No, I'll rely on my memory this time.

But look, my heart's still over.

Don't worry about it.

I can't.

I'll carry on.

You two carry on.

We're rubbing elbows with
some very important elbows,

you know, tonight.

Oh, yes.

Yes, everybody that is anybody is here.

There's Gussie Gustafson
of the Wisconsin Cheese Set.

Oh, yes.

Her father just switched
to electric milkers, you

know.
No, no, I didn't know.

You mean that you've
really been assigned to

intelligence?

Yes.

As a driver.

Oh, don't be discouraged, honey.

Anyway, you'll be driving
so many intelligent people

that you're bound to pick up lots of

pointers.

Oh, Sergeant, you're so encouraging.

I don't know what I'll ever do without

you.

Teaching me the phonetic alphabet and all.

Oh, I've memorized up to H.

How?

I.

Ida.

What's next?

J.

G.

L.

Love.

Oh, Sergeant, you say
that with such feeling.

Uh, well, good luck and goodbye.

I'm afraid I must be going.

Going?

Going where?

Where are you assigned to?

Oh, it's too top secret to tell.

Besides, we'll be worlds apart.

Oh, Clara Schneiderman.

Yes.

Would you?

Yes.

Could you?

Yes.

You could be as cheap as one.

And his maiden aunt.

What did she do?

She didn't.

He wore a wig and he never knew

it.

Well, now, about that
notorious McBain woman.

What about her?

Well, uh, she'd like to thank you for

what you did this afternoon.

Well, Mr. McBain is very sorry you put

his big foot into everything.

Joy, I didn't want him to shoot you

at sunrise without knowing the truth.

It might have been simpler if they did.

You know, that's one of the most becoming

things you've ever worn.

Well, they're taking
it back in the morning.

I wonder what I'm doing here anyway.

I was told this was also Clara's engagement

party.

Well, let's ask Clara.

She might know.

Hey, anybody engaged?

Yes.

What does the sergeant have to say about

it?
Well, everything went black.

Oh, say, now that we no longer have

any secrets from each other, where are you

assigned to?

Fort Lee, Virginia.

I've been hacked.

That'll teach you to never wave it away.

Oh, will you break the news, son, rather

than give it to the society columns?

All right, sure.

Quiet.

Will you stop the music?

Give me one of those, uh...

I, uh, I don't know much about that

dame, the goddess Athena,
who founded your order.

But it is written that she was very

adept in both the arts of war and

peace.

So it follows that a whack should make

a good wife.

A wife who can even handle a sergeant

in the quartermaster corps.

So let us lift our cups to the

forthcoming union.

And incidentally, it's
unions like this that keep

our union in business.

Why, I give you Clara
Schneiderman and Norbert...

Norbert!

I said Norbert Jackson!

Congratulations.

I'm not going to...

Schneiderman, he chased
you till you finally caught

him.

You ask me, Fort Lee's
most celebrated hostess,

put the glasses on the tray.

This is a wine called champagne.

People drink it at weddings,
christenings, and such

occasions as this.

Save the last two for us.

I think we should add to the bet

the happiness and everything.

Come on.

Take this, will you?

Good luck in Korea, boss.

You were right, Andy.

The circus is over.

I fell right off that trapeze flat on

my face.

Poor Skye.

He'll have to pick up pieces.

He will.

In spite of cold and rain and treadmills

and other obstacles, we're still friends.

Still friends.

Incidentally, are you usually
that thorough about examining

the damp areas?

Oh, depends.

Wasn't fair to the colonel.

I'm sorry.

None of it was.

That's for sure.

I shouldn't have hiked you all the way

to Point Barrow.

My sadistic streak, but I guess I don't

have to tell you about that.

Or my cold feet.

Well, I wanted to see you at your

worst.

Well, you succeeded.

No man's land.

End of the line.

Well, Mr. McBain, it was a right nice

party.

And not a politician in the house.

As a matter of fact, I can't remember

when I enjoyed one more.

Neither can I.

Now, about that career business.

Yes?

Don't you have too much confidence in that

bulletproof camisole you're
always trying to perfect?

Well, it sounds braver than it is.

I'm really going over
just to investigate the

Japanese beetle situation.

If you're referring to our old elm tree,

I'm afraid it's past saving.

I don't know.

Science does wonderful things these days.

Happy journey.

Happy research.

And I hope I didn't leave too many

scars.

Vice versa.

Good luck to the colonel.

And the colonel's lady.

You're all over lipstick.

Hold this for me.

It's the wrong shade.

It should be darker.

You always wear messy about it.

I've been in the service now for about

17 months, and I figured I'll...

Honey, don't you want to hear about it?

Oh, yes.

Of course, guy.

You know Pritchett, Glamour, and Fitz?

Oh, are they on general staff?

Oh, dear.

No jokes, please.

And will you forget about the Army?

Well, anyway, they're the
second biggest agency in

the country.

I can make them the biggest.

Oh, I've

penetrated into the tune of 55 grand per

annum.

Oh, Skye, that is wonderful.

That's e-company coming
back from field training.

It means New York, London,
Paris in the spring.

But my home base will be Washington, D.C.

We can open a house and live there.

I've alerted your
secretary, who's got the dust

sheets off the furniture,
and I've already got...

We're a cinch to get
his baby food contract.

So you see, darling,
the hand that holds

the cocktail glass can be
mightier than the sword.

Skye, wait.

Here comes a batch of new recruits.

Hey, Jo. Jo!

Hey, slow down.

Wait a minute.
- Hey, Jo!

Hey, wait for me, please.

Hey, Jo. Hey, Jo.

You're kind of late, honey.

Where are you from? -I'm from
Washington. -I'm from Cromwell.

Hello.

Very thrill.

How are you? -Hey, Goldberg.
-I'm okay.

Were all going to be generals.
What are you going to be?

Anything they'll let me be. Maybe
I can get a free ride to Korea.

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