Original subtitles

Thank you.

Aren't you excited?

Ecstatic.

Don't fight me, honey.

I'm happy I am. It's just that three years of my life has passed in this

We've raised our children in this house. It's hard to just shut the door and

walk away.

We'll never have another Christmas in this house.

Let's focus on the positive.

No more homeowner hassles like getting the garage door fixed because Ben forgot

to put it up before he got the car out.

And no more waiting up late for Gesu to come sneaking back in through the dog

door after curfew.

That Mike.

That Carol.

That Ben.

That Chrissy.

No, no, not Chrissy.

You're right, Jason.

Let's toast to a new chapter in our lives, to exciting new adventures

Oh, honey.

I'm all right. I'm fine.

Don't get me started again. I love this house.

Me too.

I hate this house. Me too.

It has way too much storage space to store stuff that now we'll have to get

of. Let's try this again.

To garage sales.

To everything must go.

Wow. Not bad, huh? It was that special.

Bolivian. Yeah. Who knew?

From the vineyards of Lake Titicaca.

Yeah, it's a metaphor for new things, new experiences.

Like Bolivian champagne.

Exactly. Now that we've finally sold our house again and we're going to be free

of all our stuff.

All right. To the plan, formulated word by word by two desperate parents while

raising four kids.

Step one, get rid of the kids in a legal way.

Check. Step two, sell the house. Check.

Step three.

See the world.

Oh, it's step three. See all 50 states.

Uh -oh.

Really?

Really.

But, Jason, how are we going to move out of this house in just 30 days?

Beam me up, Johnny.

I just can't get enough of this. I know. It wasn't enough for you to build a

walk -in closet. You had to armor it. Hey, people love the panic room. That

sealed the deal.

Honey, I am panicking about packing.

Well, you can relax.

I've got a surprise for you.

Huh?

Mike Thiever?

Yeah, yeah, it just came through. I'm reading it right now.

Okay, I'll get right back to you.

No problem, kid.

Watch your step. Don't let the dog out.

Give me five.

Hey,

you're looking good, Dad.

I do?

I looked a little.

You're the coolest.

I am? Yeah, I mean, all the kids at the school talk about it.

Really? Totally. I mean, all their dads are just so strict and untrusting.

So, listen, do you know your car?

Do I know my car?

I'm not going to work with him either, Michelle.

He invented that game.

Can't drive until you get your permit.

Mom!

Nice try, though. I really like how you went for the whole cross angle.

Punked by my own dad.

Your pee ball.

Sarah and Nikki, you're a sucker.

Oh, Mom, I need three dozen brownies. Why?

Bake sale. When? This afternoon.

I'll get right on it.

There's the ice cream. Our favorite kind.

Oh, boy, that sounds great.

All right, what's your favorite kind?

You know.

Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, of course.

really looking great. Have you been working out?

Have I told you lately that I think you're the coolest?

Mike, what happened to work?

Mike, we're transferring you to Tokyo.

Nothing. Nothing much.

Mike Seaver, I've known you since you were 18.

You're hiding something.

Tokyo? For a year?

I don't think my wife will go for that.

Your raise will be substantial.

Well, she thinks I make enough money. She believes that people should work to

live, not live to work.

Interesting. You'll also receive an overseas hosting bonus of...

And a sports car.

A German sports car.

I know women.

On the weekends, I am one. Send your wife to a spa, let her relax, and then

her about Tokyo.

Now, if I know one thing about my wife, it's that she'd never want to go to one

of those silly spas.

I'd love it.

Really? You'd like to go to one of those poofy places?

Mike! You know, they have salt scrubs and massages, strangers touching you.

her she's been working so hard. Taking care of the kids, the dog, the house.

Honey, you never have a moment to yourself.

It's so nice of you to know that, hon, after only 15 years.

Well, it's time that you treated yourself to whatever it is that those

at those kind of places.

Vassar Thompson.

Is that something you eat or something they rub on you? It means water dance.

It's supposed to be very relaxing.

Well, then go. Take a few days. Do some Weiner Vassar Thompson.

And who's going to take care of the kids?

Hire professional child care.

Me.

I'm my little snag. It's called work.

That thing you do 24 -7?

You have a new job to prepare for, Mr. Head of the Tokyo Office.

Honey, I can take care of the kids and still do my job. My parents did it.

Are you serious about this?

And you can leave today. Go pack.

Thank you, thank you.

Okay,

are you sure you can deal with the kids on your own? Of course. Of course I can,

Kate. I'm their father.

Bobby is so hot, and he has a permit.

What do you mean all the rinse and nannies are taken?

So, what's the surprise?

Oh, God. It's not another puppy, is it?

No, it's not a puppy.

What a way to see North Dakota.

Well,

what is it then?

No.

Come on, what is it?

I can't tell.

Well, I've got a surprise for you, too.

Oh, I've always wanted to spend a year in Tuscany.

Does it come with a staff?

We'll take it. So, when do I get my surprise?

When do I get mine?

Soon.

Oh, I know how to make you tell me anything. Jason, we've got a house to

and let's not forget a book to write. This book writes itself. Who knows more

than we do about juggling the American family? One couple shares their secrets

on how to manage great careers and raise happy children.

Well, if bozos like this can write books, how tough can it be?

Chapter one, sharing the laughter and love.

Hey, what are you guys up to?

Nothing.

We thought we'd stop by.

Grandma! Grandma!

Hey, kids, come here.

Robbie!

Let's go play.

Hey,

you know you're the coolest grandma around.

Oh, am I?

Totally. I mean, all the kids talk about it. Oh, sorry, honey. You've got to

wait for the permit.

So, where's Kate?

Oh, can you believe it? She up and took off to a spa for a couple of days.

Oh, so you have the kids on your own.

Well, that's not a problem, Dad. I mean, I am their father.

I know.

Yeah, yeah, I'm totally capable of handling them on my own.

But... But what?

Well, but I was, uh... Well, you see, I'm getting the floors redone. It's kind

of a surprise for Kate, so I can't stay at the house.

But it has nothing to do with me not being able to take care of the kids. But

you do have to stay here.

Yeah, just until Kate gets back. I mean, the floors get done.

Oh, what are you guys up to for the next year?

Jason. We're moving, Mike, remember?

We're hitting the road. We're writing a book.

This house is so old.

I'm sorry, Miss Gardner. I just can't leave Kate to take care of the kids

for an entire year.

My parents could help.

She could move in with them. You're not scary.

Give me some, Daddy.

I'm hungry.

Me too.

Hey, that's okay. That's why we came to Grandma and Grandpa's. They always have

plenty of stuff there to choke hard. Wow.

Smoked turkey breast?

Teeny tiny tomatoes?

This stuff wasn't here when I was around.

I wonder why.

I guess I better do a food run.

Jeez. In the large economy size. Hello, old friend.

Yuck.

Kids. Would you like to go to the grocery store con tu nonna?

Sure.

Andiamo.

You heard her, troop.

Grocery store. Mom, wait a minute. Are you sure you want to do this? My kids

be a bit playful.

When we left the pancake plate this morning, it looked like a battleground.

You act like I have never taken kids grocery shopping before.

Come on, kids.

Ciao.

Be good for Grandma.

Oh,

look what I found here.

This is where the mint is.

Dad, that's a 35 -year -old wallet.

That's vintage. People love this stuff.

Hey, Dad, listen. There's something I want to talk to you about. Hey, there's

phrase that takes me down memory lane.

No, I'm serious.

I got this thing at work.

There you are.

Dad, there's something I need to talk to you about.

Too late, sweetheart.

You're nine months pregnant.

Dad, what is all this stuff?

We're moving, remember?

Since when?

Since you've been born, they've been trying to sneak away.

Excuse me, I'm not the one they accidentally left at the gas station.

Since when are you moving? Well, your mother and I have been talking about

for years now, and we've listed the house. We told you that. And it's sold.

Like in 92?

No, not like in 92. This time is for real.

So you're moving now?

You can't!

Hello, Carol, I've been trying to talk to Dad here.

What I have to say to Dad, hello, is more important.

No, it is not.

It is.

You don't even know what I have to say. I have a situation.

I've got four kids.

We have raised mature, responsible adults. Our days of parenting are over.

-haw!

Dad, I'm going to lay it on the line.

I have a situation, and I need to stay here a couple of days. Dad, Scott's

to be away on the campaign, and I need to stay here for a few days, too. Bad

timing.

Christy! Dad, I need to crash here for a while because I kind of got evicted,

but don't get any weird ideas about me needing you or anything.

What do you mean, evicted?

Because I'm moving in with Mickey.

Mickey? Who's Mickey?

The guitarist of the band I just joined.

He has got the most amazing tattoos all over his body.

It kind of looks like Johnny Depp.

Wow, gang's all here like old times.

This is still our house.

Not anymore.

Hey, Dad, you know how 30 days is such a long escrow?

No. Well, the new buyers love the house so much, I told them they could have it

earlier. That's okay, right?

Hey!

Hey, Dad, about that thing at work.

Right after you take this stuff to your car.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, Chrissy, hey, I wanted to ask you. Don't stifle me, Dad.

Never, never. I respect your space. Can I get you a sandwich?

No, I got to practice.

Yeah. Carol, you want to sell your geode collection?

Oh, my precious geode.

So tell me about this boyfriend of yours. Now, that I'm prying or anything,

wouldn't do that. We're not the kind of parents who can't cut the cord with the

youngest because that would mean we're aging and we can't accept it. We're not

like that.

Of course you're not.

In fact, I wrote a song about you.

You did?

Yep. It's called My Parents Are So Perfect They Should Be On TV.

Oh, I'm done.

Yep. You know, my favorite part's the chorus because it goes, Leave me alone,

leave me alone, leave me alone.

Very catchy.

Hey, Dad.

Mike, I'm trying to talk to your little sister.

Oh, sure, sure.

I get it. So, Chrissy, tell me about the band, The Baby.

But you treat all of your children equally.

Well, it's pretty cool. I mean, we've got interest from some major labels on

verge, you know.

Dad. You better get those skis out of the garage or they're going on the

How come Chrissy doesn't have to take her stuff?

I'm a Buddhist, Mike.

Okay, material possessions keep you from achieving spiritual enlightenment.

Yeah. Okay, so Dad can sell Pookie Panda?

Give me that.

Hey, about that favor you're doing for me, let's keep it on the QT, huh?

Yep, I'm all over it, Dad.

And the guitar volume, perfect for me. I don't want to fogey out on you, but the

neighbors... Guys, come and grab your sandwiches before my kids eat them all.

Isn't this great, all of us being back together again?

What's wrong with him?

Whatever it is, I want some of it.

And Carol, we all want you to have some of it.

Okay, here you go, sweetie. Take this one. Here you go. Thank you, Daddy.

Robbie,

get that frog away from the food. We're trying to eat. You got any fries for my

frog? No, no, no. Go on, Robbie. Hey, wash your hands. It just peed on you.

Okay.

Well, we all congratulated Ben for completing the Frank Henry motivational

course. Oh, who's that? That's the guy with the teeth?

He's the guy from the late night TV. He goes, you, I can make a new you out of

you. Right.

Yeah, well, he truly is a gift to mankind.

He saved my life. So you were choking on a chicken bone?

Metaphorically speaking, I was choking on my lack of ambition.

And then Ben went and met with Lyle Dillenbeck, the realtor, got that job.

And ended up handling this house.

Really? What happened to your job as a fishing guide?

That's a young man's job, Mike. I have a career now.

And a polyester jacket.

And he got us an excellent price on this house.

Yeah, and you want to know the weirdest thing? You remember Richie Franz Copper?

Oh, yeah, Dweeby Richie. Carol, you dated him, didn't you? Oh, well, sorry,

Carol. He's married.

I'm crushed.

Well, he's the one who bought the house.

Dweeby Richie is going to be living in our house?

That is so wrong.

Richie, Fiona, come on in. We've been waiting for you.

Oh, love it.

Needs a little cosmetic work, but it's got great bones. Hey, that's my sister

you're talking about.

Hey, Mike.

Hey, Richie, how you doing?

Hey, can you believe we bought your own house?

No.

Oh, and I married the sweetest girl in the world.

Oh, I noticed on the way in that there were a few shingles missing from the

roof, but we can fix that before closing, couldn't we?

Fiona, you said you'd be taking the house as is.

Um, Dad, not exactly as is.

You said the contract read as is.

You can't get a decent price for a house as is.

It sounds so down market.

Dad, it's just a few teeny tiny cosmetic changes.

They love the house.

And she's my boss's daughter.

Who is this one of your decorators?

How many teeny changes?

Whatever they ask for.

If they ask for it, what if I refuse?

Well, then they can walk away.

Fiona, let me show you the best room in the house.

I love this kitchen.

$80 ,000 remodel.

Fiona, I always thought that the kitchen should go over here.

Carol.

You know, Dad, I smell something real nasty.

Mike, we've loved working with Ben, Mr. Seaver.

He's a great realtor. Well, we love him as is.

Depends what is, is.

Hello? Hi, honey.

Yeah, well, I remember the old days when I had at least one child who didn't

always got a telephone stuck in his ear.

Dad, when you're through, I need to have a word with you.

Uh -huh.

Dad, I need to talk with you, too. Hi, I'm my wife's baby. Dad, if I could have

a word in a minute.

Mr. Seaver, Fiona has a few questions. We can talk in four minutes. Christy

knows one song.

Four minutes.

What's that?

I am not hormonal.

I miss you. How's Weehawken?

Matawan. I thought Matawan was tomorrow.

It is. Matawan is today.

Friday's Mahwah, then Rahway, Piscataway, and Pahatwan.

Oh, scenic New Jersey.

How's it going for my little stay -at -home mommy -kin, Boo -Boo?

Great. I hardly miss the office at all.

And yet I was thinking, if I went back to work part -time... Oh, now, honey,

Carol, we talked about this. I know, I know. Investment banking is not a part

-time job.

And we don't want our child raised by strangers, and that's why I quit my job.

But if I could convince my parents that... Honey, could you hold that

I'll be home in a couple of days, and we can talk about it then.

Love you, sweetie. I gotta go. Bye.

And then it's my parents to take care of the baby while I keep working.

Chrissy, keep it down!

Uh, honey, you are missing some fun here.

So, how is it? Oh, Mike, this is heaven.

Have you ever had an hour and a half foot massage?

Great. So, um, so you're feeling very relaxed and happy, huh?

Oh, yeah. Oh, that's great. So, uh...

If I needed to tell you something, now would be a good time?

What is it, Mike?

Well, um... Hold on, honey.

Hello? Seaver, I'm looking online for Tokyo office space. Jump on to www

.com. Yes, Miss Gardner, I'm logging on as we speak.

Logging on.

Hello? You can't keep anything from me.

I know, Mike.

You do?

Yes, and I think it's a great idea.

You do?

Well, please, honey, cherry, not walnut.

Cherry? But your mom called and told me that you're redoing the floors because

she knew that I'd want to pick out the right finish.

Oh, right, the finish on the floors, which I'm redoing.

You are such an angel.

Yeah.

Mike, it is wonderful here. I think we should make this a regular thing.

Me too.

I love you, sweetheart.

Love you too.

Bye.

Miss Gardner, I really think you're the man for the job, Mike.

Me too.

Glad to see it my way. Bye -bye.

A floor guy?

I don't know. Check the yellow pages.

That's not what I'm asking.

Benny, what would it take to make the sale of Mom and Dad's house fall

Fall through? Are you crazy?

This is my biggest sale to date. This one's going to make me new Realtor of

Year.

I'm achieving my personal dreams, successfully using my seven success

strategies. I am empowering myself to achieve peak power performance.

I would die before I let the sale of this house fall through.

By the way, no, mom and dad are moving.

Maybe not. Yes, they are. No, they're not.

Yes, they are.

Look, I even got Richie and Dion to hire Ken Bakers, their buyer's assistant.

Who cares?

Who cares?

Who cares that he's blind as a bat and couldn't find a structural problem if

house fell on him?

That's who cares.

I am not 8, and you are not 16.

Man, Ben, you were a lot more fun as a slacker.

Hey, real estate is fun, too.

Glad to hear it.

Mr. Dillonback.

Ben, you handled the sale of your parents' house beautifully.

You got my daughter and Richie a great price. Kid, you're on track to be new

realtor of the year.

But Richie tells me your parents don't want to shorten the S, bro.

I'm counting on you, Ben.

Let's see how Mommy's new floors look.

What the?

Hello?

Hello, Mr.

Thieler.

Hey, what are you guys doing?

Descending floor, you like?

How can I tell? I can't see anything.

Hey,

watch the asthma.

Come on, aren't you guys supposed to cover the furniture?

I give you a discount, 10 % for cleaning.

Hello? Hello?

Hi. Okay.

Hi, sweetie, how you doing?

Boy, it's loud. What's going on?

Hang on a second. Is everything okay?

Hello? Mike?

Miss Gardner, yes.

I'm waiting. Yes, I'm emailing those projections to you right now. And Tokyo.

Yes, I'm thinking about Tokyo. Thinking hard. Don't dawdle, Mike.

Honey, listen, why don't you stay a few more days?

You are really spoiling me, Mike.

Carol? Hey, Carol!

Where are you?

Carol, I've got a problem.

I need some help.

Did anyone ever suggest a dandruff shampoo?

Oh, nice, nice. Kick your brother when he's down.

Well, normally I would jump at the chance, but I need your help.

Remember when Ben was two and we tried to flush him down the toilet? Hey, hey,

shh. I never officially admitted to that.

All right.

Remember when we recycled a Christmas tree?

Oh, yeah.

The great New Year's chimney fire.

Well, things like that, if they cause permanent damage, can make a house seem

very unattractive to a potential buyer.

Honey, I think Mike's trying to tell us he was fired.

We always knew successful Mike was too good to be true.

He'll be fine, though. Yeah, he always lands on his feet.

And Carol's a wreck.

She's out of her head. That's the medical term for it.

It'll go over once the baby comes.

Absolutely. And Chrissy moving in with Mickey.

They just met. I mean, we don't know a thing about him, Jason, and neither does

she. I can't even think about that.

But we can't live their lives for them, can we?

No.

And Richie and Fiona taking possession of the house in just 15 days.

Honey, has it ever occurred to you that... Don't say it. I have to.

I don't want to, but it comes with being a mother.

Maybe this isn't the best time to be selling the house and going on a long

I'm way overreacting, right? Talk me down?

I'll talk you down.

Hurry up, talk me down.

Top of the line.

You know, most guys won't spring for the villa.

You must really love the men.

Well, I'm a lucky man and she is a lucky lady.

Oh.

Oh, yeah.

Yee -haw!

You've got to keep your eye on the prize here, Maggie. What we're doing is we're

self -actualizing here. Self -actualizing. That's good. Keep talking.

harmonizing. We're in tune. In tune. That's it. In tune.

We're discovering our authentic selves now. That's what Freud called it.

old.

What are you packing for?

The plan.

You?

The plan.

Maggie, our kids are always going to be facing problems. So did we. We got

through it, and so will they.

We've done a great job at parenting, Maggie. So great we're writing a book

it. I know, I know, I know, Mama Mia.

We've taught our kids to do the right thing, and some days they actually do

They're grown -ups now.

Okay. You did it. You convinced me. We're going.

Yeah.

You really are a good shrink, you know that? I do know that.

And we're good parents.

The best.

Just take a look at our kids.

Operation No Sale is a go.

Close the door. Close the door. Close the door.

And I wish they could throw the kid in, too. He's so perfect here.

Who are you?

Well, who are you?

Robbie. Oh, hi, Robbie. I'm Richie. This is my wife, Fiona.

We're going to buy your grandparents' house.

I don't know you.

Well, I know you.

Your dad and I sort of grew up together.

I can tell you some stories about him.

Your Aunt Carol.

When you're much older.

This is Mr. Baker, our home inspector.

Robbie. Robbie, don't stand near that door.

One false move and... Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sure I'm being just overprotective.

What's wrong with the door?

Oh, nothing, really. It's just that, well, Dad used to like to cut corners

the repairs.

But I'm sure it's nothing.

Come on in. Make yourselves at home. Come on, Robbie.

There's no light in here.

Don't touch that switch!

Occasionally, very occasionally, you get a shock when you check the switch

because of the way my dad rewired the house.

Remember the electrocution, Richie?

Dad didn't trust licensed electricians.

Mr. Baker, could you make a note to check the wiring?

Hello? I am the exterminator.

I am here to kill every bug.

Oh, thank God. We have quite an infestation.

I don't think I ever showered alone in this house.

Spiders.

Spiders?

Fiona's been arachnophobic. I hate spiders, too.

Not to worry. I will terminate them all.

Now. Let's get started.

All right, it's going to be fine. He looks like he knows what he's doing. I

so.

Mr. Baker!

Whoa.

Mustard -flavored ice cream. Wonder why that's so cheap.

We're going to get some. What kind are your kids like?

Dad, about that.

What?

Dad.

They're transferring me to Tokyo.

Tokyo, Dad? Japan.

It's a big promotion.

They picked me to be the guy to open the new office there.

Tokyo? Yeah, I know you're expecting a big Mike Seaver disaster story, right?

No, no, but Tokyo might get so far.

What does Kate say?

Well... My... Dad, I just haven't found the right way to tell her yet.

So the floor's in the spa, the lies.

Mike, haven't you learned anything after 166 episodes?

Tokyo?

You really want to go?

Dad, they're giving me a lot of money.

Money isn't everything, Mike.

Dad, they're paying me.

So, it would have been great if you guys had stuck around to help me out with

the kids, but we'll be fine. Kate and I will figure it out.

Yeah, just Dad.

Don't feel like you're... Abandoning me. I am not abandoning you.

I'm just... Hey, it's funny timing, huh? Me having a baby and you and Dad

hitting the road?

Don't they have more fashionable colors?

Carol, it is not like that. We will always be there for you, but this is

your time now. Yours and Scott's.

My office.

Hillary? Yeah, hi.

Is everything okay?

Do you need me to come back?

No, thank you.

Left my raincoat on the back of my door.

Withdrawal symptoms, huh?

I loved my job, Mom.

I mean, I used to spend extra hours and weekends there even when I didn't have

to. And nobody ever, ever called me Mommykins.

I know you can relate.

You were an award -winning journalist.

I mean, you could have been... And Christiana Amanpour.

I don't know, Mom.

Maybe I'm not cut out for this.

I still have ambitions. I was on a track.

But Scott and I agreed, in my third trimester, I would quit and become stay

-home mom.

Oh, honey, I know it's hard.

But marriage is about compromise.

Sometimes you say things to your husband that you can't be held accountable for.

I mean, sometimes you make promises that you can't live up to.

Sometimes you make plans to sell the house and travel to North Dakota.

But look, we are talking about you.

Mom, I am Carol, overachiever, fever. I cannot spend my days wiping

up baby spit and singing the spider.

Why be trapped at home nursing, tied to a feeding schedule?

Imprisoned by your child.

This is not part of my plan.

I'm an intelligent, capable, successful woman.

Honey. I hate baby blue.

I hate pink.

I feel like I'm suffocating. Breathe, honey. Just breathe.

Mom, listen to me. You cannot do this. Don't sell the house. It's all you have

left. You're getting old. Your life will be empty if you don't have a place for

your grandchildren to come visit.

I don't know.

spending a whole year away from your family. Think of all the Halloween

you'll miss and the birthday parties and interrogating Michelle's prom date.

You don't know what your kids are into after a while. You miss all the little

details of their lives. I've seen a lot of guys make that mistake.

Dad, you're the one who's making the big mistake here.

I mean, if home and family are the most important things in the world, then why

are you dumping yours?

I mean, think about it.

One big garage sale and it's all gone.

Then what will you have?

Way to go, Mickey.

What's up with Trina? She's not drinking again? She's just broke like the rest

of us. Oh, look, I know. I told you, babe.

As soon as I get paid, we all do.

Yeah, the label's going to sign us. It's going to happen.

But, until then, take this.

Jimi Hendrix?

Honesty is for those who think small.

stuff's in the car. Should I bring it over after?

Oh, whoa, a little snag.

I got evicted.

You too?

Yeah. What are we going to do?

For better or worse?

What do you mean?

Didn't you say your parents just bought an RV?

Mickey!

You are so awesome, Grandpa.

All the kids say so.

Let's tease her for the trunk and get some bags.

Listen to this. Mike's leaving his family behind for a year and moving to

Tokyo? Why Tokyo?

Big promotion, big bucks, tiny sports cars.

Well, how does Kate feel about this? Well, the real question is, how much

Kate know or when will she know it?

And Mike sent her to the spa.

He's tap dancing.

You know, I keep thinking about Ben in this house. Oh, Ben? Ben's selling his

coat. When did our kids decide that work was more important than family? Maggie,

we didn't teach them that message.

I know, I know. You know, today I told Carol that I may not have a corner

office, but I do have... Turn right.

That was an ant with a woodworking hobby.

How do you people live like this?

Oh, another thing.

Apparently when you attempted to rewire the upstairs... Hey, remember the 80s?

This entire family blow -dried their hair around the clock for a decade

incident.

My inspector is writing up his report. This house has problems.

Hazardous problems.

I expect your bowl to win a prize.

What I don't understand is how you could raise a family here. You should be

arrested for child endangerment.

You know, Fiona, maybe this house just isn't the right one for you guys.

You don't look like the firetrap kind of girl. Well, that's just fine. But

either your parents do something to fix this place up, or this whole deal is

just going to fall apart.

No refund?

We'll fix it.

We'll fix it all.

Won't we? Yeah.

Well, all right.

I'm on my way.

Fiona?

Still here at least. That's a good sign.

Vinicio.

Ah, he's ready to go. Hey, now this looks good.

Yes, sorry about the method before, but everything good now.

Well, it ought to be, considering what I'm paying you guys.

All right.

Oh, Kate is going to love it.

Oh, man.

Daddy, are you all right?

Yeah,

I'm fine, Kate.

Oh,

Kate, hey, it's your mother.

It's not to worry. It can fix problems very good.

No thanks. I think you need it somewhere else.

Hey. Hey, Mom.

Specters, exterminators, strangers crawling all over the house.

Mind if I hang out down here with you? A little girl talk?

Just the two of us.

The three of us.

The four of us. Nice.

Mickey and I might have a gig tonight.

Well, speaking of Mickey, when are your father and I going to meet this

mysterious new boyfriend of yours? Well, funny thing you should ask, because

actually... Doctor!

Hey!

Could you keep it down? You're going to scare him.

Him?

Mr. Piggy, I knew you'd come back.

Don't even tell me.

Look, look, cat rat, third grade.

came home for Christmas break, got loose, and never left.

Oh, now you can be my ring bearer.

Your what?

Do you think this is an infatuation?

Mickey asked me to marry him.

Last night.

Chrissy, your father and I haven't even met him.

Yeah, well, you guys are always telling me that I'm an adult, okay? And last

week, Dad gave me that huge lecture about me needing to make my own

He meant picking a long -distance provider.

Oh, you're going to kill them all, right?

He's going to kill them.

He's going to kill you to be happy for me? Yeah.

How could this happen on my watch? He's too young for this.

He worked as a vet when I got engaged. He never had to pay for your wedding.

Well, that's not it. It's just it's my baby, Chrissy. I can't believe she's

getting married.

Dad, don't worry. Some musicians do fine.

Look at Ozzy Osbourne.

He's a good husband and father.

Stop, please. Just stop it.

They're having lunch.

Dad, come on. Relax.

These guys are on it. You're going to love the repairs.

Expert Ukrainian carpentry, plumbing, and electrical?

See, Mike knows it's worth it to spend a little more. I mean, the Ukraine is

known for fine home building.

You sure we can't go with that, G?

Relax. The cost of the repairs will be more than covered by what you're making

on the sale of the house.

But what about the plan, Dad? The plan, yes. Thank God for Ben. Always thinking

of us first.

Of course, Dad.

Well, these extra repairs are going to take some time. Can we prolong escrow?

Sorry, you're just going to have to pay extra for a rush job.

Jackals, get the bucket!

There's water everywhere!

Jackals!

Where'd you get these guys?

Oh, they did some work at my place, and I knew they'd be just perfect for this

job. I've got to get back to work, but this is great.

Thanks for helping out, Mike. Hey, what are Big Brothers for?

Great job, guys. Keep up the good work.

Grout.

What's this? Pipe.

What's it for?

The Yakov home study kit.

Oh, hey, put that down. When did you get into home improvement?

Dad, if I'm going to be the stay -at -home parent in charge of home and

I need to know about this stuff. I cannot be trapped by traditional gender

roles. Well, that's great, honey, but you've got to learn to delegate.

I'm so glad you said that.

Here's my proposal.

You and Mom don't sell the house. Scott and I move nearby, and I delegate the

raising of my child to you guys while I go back to work.

You can't guilt trip me, Mike.

Who, me?

I'm not the one that hasn't told Kate what's going on.

No, you're just the one bailing on me in my hour of need. Oh.

Well, come on. I cannot trust anyone else with my wife and children beside

Hey, I... I was raised by the best. I mean, can you really blame me for

the same for my children? The best? Why, thank you, Mike, but you can't flatter

me into changing my mind.

I need you.

Mike, you are a grown man with children of your own. There comes a time when

every mother needs to cut the umbilical cord.

So you're cutting me loose, is that it?

Mom and Dad are hitting the road, and Mike and his wife and kids can figure it

out on their own. I get it.

What happened to, it takes a village? Well, now, according to you, all it

is a DSL connection.

Mom, don't try to guilt trip me. I invented guilt tripping.

Mike, you can't just run off and expect your father and me to pick up the

pieces. You need to take care of your family. That's what this whole move to

Tokyo is about, my family.

Mom, this is the biggest opportunity of my career.

Kate and the kids' lives will be changed forever.

Honey, it's not that simple.

It's my lawyer.

He's trying to wrap up my deal.

Hello? Yeah, Phil.

Yeah, the Tokyo office.

Right. One year.

I'm on my way.

Mike, don't leave. We need to talk.

I'm sorry, Mom. If you can't help me out, we've got to talk later.

When? Christmas, as usual.

Wait.

You won't be here.

Still the king of guilt.

Chrissy, thank you so much.

Are you sure you can handle this?

Trust me, Dad, I am thrilled to do it. Okay, I really appreciate this,

sweetheart, because I got my hands full here. I mean, this dealer, if he hadn't

insisted on me taking it off the lot today, I'd wait, but I think he's a

anal. Headed with some OC tendencies, if you know what I mean. No worries. I'm

on it. I want you to drive this thing ever so carefully straight to Mike's

house. All right? Nowhere else. No picking up friends along the way.

No extra mileage. Jetted the odometer. You got that?

Yes, Dad. You know, I am with you. Okay? I got it.

I got it.

And I want you to park it right in Mike's driveway.

Whoa, whoa. And this is crucial. You and you alone are responsible for this

vehicle.

I want not one thing touched. I want every thread of every extra cushion

in place. I want to see those fiberglass surfaces gleaming.

I want to see the chrome as shiny as new. I sprung for the best. And as soon

your mother sees this baby, I want her to know that no expense was spared.

At 5 o 'clock sharp, right after the garage sale, I want to be able to hand

mother a pile of mad money to go with her hot new wheels.

And you know, if you want to surprise your mother, timing is everything.

I remember the time I forgot a birthday cake in the oven. That was a bad

surprise. So, five o 'clock. I hear you, Dad. No worries.

Good girl.

I love you. I love you, too.

Come here.

I'm done.

Come here.

This way.

I hope we made enough lemonade.

I hope we make a lot of money.

Daddy's boss gave them.

Wow. Cool.

And Mickey, Sarah, and Robbie zoom off into the sunset in their hot new

convertible going zero to 90 in 43 seconds flat. Cool, huh?

Hey, we're going to go everywhere.

Together. Right, Daddy?

Oh, yeah, sure. Guys, we're going to do lots of stuff together.

When you're in Tokyo?

I heard you talking to Grandma, Dad, and I heard you talking to your boss.

Well, how come you never hear me when I tell you to do your homework?

Hey, come on, I was going to surprise you guys with this.

Daddy got a promotion, everybody.

He got a brand new job in Tokyo.

That's in Japan.

Don't go, Daddy. Make Sarah go instead.

Make Mickey go.

Guys, listen, sometimes grown -ups have to do things that they don't really want

to. I don't want to.

Me either.

Look, Tokyo could be cool. I mean, I'd be really tall there, right?

Oh, sweetie, I'd love to take you with me. I really would, but it's only for a

year. And you don't want to have to change your schools and quit your team

make new friends.

I mean, listen, I'm going to go by myself, but I'm going to come back and

you and Mom every chance I get.

Who's going to read to us and take us swimming?

And who's going to chase away the monsters?

Mom, like always.

Dad never has time.

Michelle, wait.

No, I get it, Dad. You're ditching us.

Hope the money's worth it.

What did you think of that?

What are you doing? Hey, babe. Just having a quick game?

Nicky, we've got to go. The RV is due home by five. No, no, no. I know.

listen. I have two shots away from home and from buying you a ring.

What the?

You ready, Pat?

Okay.

Good shot. Let's go. Come on. These guys really rock.

And I won every game at camp.

Beer camp, baby.

Oh, yeah.

Wow. You sent me to a spa to butter me up for this?

No, no, no way. This all came up since you left.

Most of it.

But you want to go.

Honey, I don't want to be away from you and the kids for one day, even one hour.

I mean, think of all the things this could pay for.

Orthodonture, college, therapy.

And maybe we could even do what we've always talked about.

Adopt another child.

Honey, this is a great opportunity.

Kate, it's the kind of thing you just don't pass up.

So, yes, I would like to go.

But only if you're okay with it.

Then we'll make it work.

But if I'm a solo parent for a year, I want another day at the spa.

Oh, mate, extra water, schnots and dots and... Foster time. What? You got it.

Aren't you forgetting something?

How do my floors look?

Great.

Too bad.

Raise it one more time.

Are you crazy?

That's more money than you've earned in your life.

You want to go to Paris for a honeymoon, baby?

Hey, 12 ball in the side pocket.

Thank you.

Remember, you can't put a price tag on your memories except for that rocking

horse which goes nowhere for less than $20.

This is not a let's make a deal. This is our history. And it's worth something,

not only to us.

What's our mantra?

Don't sell cheap.

And that goes double for the lawnmower and the crockpot. Top of the line.

Yeah, 30 years ago.

Let me explain Grandpa to you.

If I take off a bag, I can't hold one more.

How much for the jacket?

Uh... That's not for sale.

That's for you.

That was my most prized possession when I was your age.

Your Uncle Ben tried to wear it once without asking me.

Big mistake.

I want you to have it.

No, thanks.

I mean, get real, Dad. It's not like Leonardo DiCaprio wore it.

Hey.

I'm telling you.

This jacket was the coolest.

Hey, look at that. I have been working out.

Hey, Michelle, listen, I want to talk to you.

About what?

About me leaving.

So what, Dad?

You want me to say something that'll make you feel better about leaving?

Sorry, Dad, I don't have time to talk now.

Just like you're not going to have time when I might want to talk to you later.

Like when you're gone?

Daddy, Daddy, guess what?

We just sold Grandma's computer for five whole bucks.

Wait, wait, wait a minute. No, no, no, guys.

needs her computer.

So go tell that man that you made a mistake, that it's not for sale. Okay,

up, hurry up. Go, go, go. I told you. What's the matter?

What are we going to do without you?

You'll be okay, bud.

You'll hardly even notice I'm gone.

That's the truth.

Hey, Michelle.

You can't ditch me.

I'm ditching you.

Oh, man.

Oh, I remember that guy. He was cool.

Yeah, Salmon River. My first fishing trip.

Ben Seaver.

Then, a little help here.

Mickey lost Dad's RV in a pool game and tried to win it back. Turned out, these

guys are actually pretty good.

Help.

Listen to me, Chrissy. I'm going to wire you some cash.

Now, what's the damage?

12 grand?

12 grand at school?

Are you crazy?

I think I'm just going to have to tell Dad. I mean, maybe he can skip a little

on the house repair.

No. What else are we going to do? I mean, where else can you or I come up

that kind of cash?

Ben, here's your bonus for being named Realtor of the Year.

The sale of your parents' house made you a shoo -in.

Don't sweat it, Chrissy. I'm on it.

I owe you, bro. Big time.

You bet you do.

First thing you're going to do is help me keep Mom and Dad on track for the

of this house.

Watch out!

really cleaning up out there.

Don't know, our jeans are hot tickets.

Don't happen to have any more staff to it.

No, and don't ask me for any of those jumbo -sized shoulder pads.

I burned them all.

Ow!

Did I kick this much?

Not during the day. You waited until I had just fallen asleep and then wham.

Scott says I still do that.

You know, honey, I think that you and Scott...

can work out this child raising issue. I mean, maybe you stay at home for a year

and then he takes a leave of absence.

We don't have those kinds of jobs, Mom.

His candidate is going to win and Scott's going to get a high -powered

in the administration.

Politics is his life.

Scott is never going to give that up and I'm just going to have to get used to

it.

You and Dad are turning your back on me in my hour of need and I'm going to have

to stay at home, let my brain rot.

watch my life flip away.

Oh, honey, you are hormonal. Don't be so dramatic.

I mean, your father and I... Yes, I know. You and dad had the perfect

You sacrificed together. You raised your kids and had careers.

Blah, blah, blah, blah.

Well, I can't live up to that, okay?

You set the bar too high. You made me believe that I can have it all and I

can't. You did not get that from me. I never said anyone could have it all.

children ever going to take responsibility for their own lives i

father and i never had the perfect marriage i mean it felt like we had a

every week as a matter of fact every tuesday night from 8 30 to 9 but no

what happened we always found something to laugh about well pardon me if i take

things a little bit more seriously

and

there she is

Trini Lopez would have killed for one of these weren't in good health.

Oh, right on time.

Oh, my baby.

You're here.

Of course I'm here.

Think I wouldn't be? What do you think? That I just like abscond with it? Oh,

not you.

Yeah. Isn't she a beauty?

Oh, yes, she is.

She's great.

Hey.

I want to talk to Mickey.

Well, you're going to have to find me first. What for someone being chased by

five monster thugs in a Camaro? And I hope they catch him.

Hmm.

What? What is that?

That's your new home on wheels.

Hey, it's a writer's paradise. You plug in the laptop and voila, bestseller.

Jason, this was not part of the plan.

I know.

This is my surprise.

Well, I've got one for you, too.

We've got a lease on a villa.

Uh -uh. No, not a lease. I paid for this outright.

Huh? Isn't it a beauty? How do you know it's called the villa?

I meant the villa in Tuscany.

Tuscany, New Hampshire. Stop number 58 in a cross -country tour.

A year in Tuscany.

Surprise!

Prepaid. Are you insane?

No, Jason. You are if you think that I'm going to...

with you with that.

Maggie, what are you saying?

This is a satellite dish. It has a pop -out porch.

I mean, look at it. How compact. How efficient.

How cheap.

Maggie, there's a jacuzzi on the roof.

Jason, look, I may not come with a lot of nifty features, but if you're having

trouble choosing between me and that big tin box, then maybe you should... Oh,

don't be ridiculous.

It's not between you and the RV.

I'm being cheap.

For once in my life, no, Maggie.

This is our bling bling.

Do you know how much this costs? No, Jason, I don't. But I'm sure you will

me ad nauseum through every darn state.

On second thought, honey, when you amortize it, maybe it'll be cheaper if

went without me.

Bling that.

Maggie, you're making a scene in front of prospective buyers.

But it's so annoying.

Hello?

Mike, how about if we all go to Tokyo to spend Christmas with you?

Oh, Javier, be gentle.

Javier.

I'm sorry, Kate, hold on a second.

Mike Seaver. This is Officer Franks. Come down to the station and get your

and daughter. Yes, officer, I'll be right down. Thank you.

Hey, honey.

Mike, is something wrong?

No, no, no, nothing's wrong. I'm just, it's my throat.

Kids okay?

Yeah, yeah, the kids are fine. Perfect, under control.

You're sure?

Yes. Honey, come on. I am their father. I know.

Listen, I got to call you right back. Okay.

Mike, about this parenting thing. Tell me I'm not crazy.

Tell me it's not as hard as everyone makes it out to be. Listen, Carol, I'm

sorry to bail on you, but right now I have to bail out somebody else.

Who? Michelle.

The police just picked her up for driving without a license.

Michelle is just like you. It's like...

Cosmic revenge.

If my baby is anything like me, my job will be equal. Hey, Ben, would you just

give me a lift down to the police station?

Hey, you know, I am the uncle. It could turn out to be like me.

No, it couldn't.

Could it?

Jason, you've got to be kidding.

A trailer?

After all these years, it's like you don't know me at all. Why would you... I

would go for something like that. That's too brute.

Maggie, you and I have to talk about this. Jason, we have been talking about

things like the longest day ever.

I know, but what do you mean?

Well, it's finished.

Cash, please.

Here you go.

It was much overtime.

That's right.

Keep the change.

She didn't mean that.

Hey, you're the one who changed the plan. I don't know why you're so mad.

Oh, you and the stupid plan. Jason, I hate the plan.

You hate the plan?

Well, you could have told me that weeks ago. The least you can do is change your

mind on somebody.

I did not change my mind. You did too.

I never said I wanted to travel across country.

Oh, I think you did and I can prove it. How? By reading you the Magna Carta. The

Magna what?

Yeah, the original draft of the plan that we signed off on all those years

where we said what we wanted and we promised never to violate the plan.

And I know where to find it.

Fine, buddy. You're on.

you exactly what you agreed to. I know what I agreed to and it didn't have a

-out patio. This is why I hate computers because it should have been on a

computer.

Stop kicking me.

You're so grounded.

We're rich.

And look at them. Two boxes, you're a centipede. Everything is in a box here.

That's what's wrong with our...

filing system.

Hello?

Hello?

What just happened?

The automatic door slams shut as soon as the power goes off. What?

Yeah, you know, if somebody were breaking in trying to kill us, we're

Oh, yeah.

Okay. Okay.

It's stuck.

No, it's not.

Yeah.

It's stuck. You try.

It's not stuck, Maggie. It's locked. That's steel.

They'll open it. I can't. Why not?

Well, the police have to open it. They'll call them. I can't. Why not?

I didn't want to pay for an extra phone line.

Oh, Jason!

That's $37 a month. We don't need it. I've got a survival kit, batteries,

corn, no opener.

Oh!

Soundproof. Ah!

Maggie, don't panic.

I'm panicking. Then you're in the right place.

Do it. That better be you.

Mom!

Dad!

All four should be safer.

Ah, little boy.

Yes, just like the old days.

Hey, that was Miami, though. It was a pretty good trip. It was okay for a

package deal.

Ooh, New Orleans.

Yeah, you looked pretty happy there.

Oh, the Mardi Gras package.

I was drunk.

But happy.

Help!

No, not you!

Oh, okay.

All right, good boy. Yes, yes, yes, yes.

All right, I'm not in the mood.

See, traveling with me isn't so bad, is it? I know, I know. It's just... What?

I just keep hoping that one day you'll surprise me with a trip to Europe and

tell me that this whole cheapskate thing has been a ruse so that you could save

enough money to make all my dreams come true.

Well, that's true.

It is?

Yes, sort of.

I mean, all those years I did pinch pennies on the dumb little things so

could... Have enough money for the special treats.

Paris. Yeah.

Hawaii. Mm -hmm.

And, oh, that evening gown that you looked so hot in.

I did look hot in that. Oh, please.

You were on fire.

And this was supposed to be the big topper.

The thing that made all your dreams come true.

But I think I was just a little out of touch about what your dreams really

Well, maybe I was too.

Maggie, I adore you.

I don't want to go anywhere in any old RV unless you're in it with me.

You're what makes everything fun.

And I don't want to go to Italy without you.

I mean, the truth is, even though I'd like to see the world, I'd spend an

eternity in a stupid RV or a...

Panic room, as long as it's with you.

Oh, Jesus.

Well... It's been a long day.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hey, hey, hey. Not so fast.

Dad, I'm sorry.

I really am. I was just mad because you're going to Tokyo.

I don't want you to go.

I really don't want you to go.

I get it.

Honey, I know that I work a lot.

And sometimes we don't get to spend as much time together as I'd like.

Or as you'd like.

And sometimes I try to make it up to you by being your friend, but I'm not your

friend. I'm your dad.

And it's my job to be the bad guy sometimes.

Can we back up to the part where you weren't mad at me?

Michelle, I'm not mad at you.

But you're grounded.

Grounded? But, Dad, I didn't put a single scratch on your precious baby.

Michelle, you're grounded because you're my precious baby.

And this one's going into the garage where she's going to be safe.

You want to pull her in?

Really?

Oh,

yeah. Why is it so dark?

Mom and Dad already turned in.

Chrissy? Hello?

Are you through talking yet?

Get me out of here!

Undo the safety latch.

What safety latch?

Oh.

I don't want Mom and Dad to sell the house and go on a road trip.

I said it. I said it. I need them. I am a child, and I have terrible taste in

men, and I have no place to live, and I'm very afraid of the dark.

Where did you get that?

The old escape hatch, it still works.

But Carol, do you really think it's wise for you to be sneaking out to party in

your condition?

Mike, shut up and help me. Now!

Okay, but it's going to cost you.

Bark like a dog.

Come on.

Come on.

Mike!

Hey, there you are, kid. Come on out of there.

Dad, you saved us. We were so scared.

I wasn't scared.

You were actually going to sell my cassette tape collection, you skinflint.

Well, I think we should donate it to the Smithsonian for a time capital, along

with that plaid leisure suit.

Oh, yeah, Miss Fashionista? You've got 8 ,000 pair of shirts in this room, and

look what you're wearing with your prom dress.

Oh.

And you know what?

What? You still look fabulous in that evening gown.

Jesus. You know what else?

What?

We're finally alone.

You

guys

can thank me for saving you later. Right now, you're both being summoned to a

family meeting.

Come on, what is this, Sam?

Ask Mike.

Ben, we're having a family meeting.

Mom? Dad?

We've been talking. Not to me, you haven't. Well, Ben, we tried to talk to

but it's a little hard. You're kind of one -track mind with this sale thing.

Uh, uh, look, about the sale... Mom, please, let me finish.

Okay? We all feel that you guys need to have your time to do all the things that

you've always dreamed of doing. Go write your book.

Yeah, go do the plan. Do whatever it is old people do. Travel the world. The

bottom line is, we feel bad because we realize that we've been thinking only of

ourselves. And our own agenda. Let me stop you there, Mike. Because you're

right. You guys have been thinking only of yourselves.

And you didn't get that from us. Wait a minute, Jason. The RV?

Villa in Tuscany.

Well, okay.

Okay. Maybe that is genetic.

But there comes a time when parents have to do what's right for them.

Because they've earned it.

So your father and I have decided that we aren't going anywhere we don't want

leave.

I want you to leave. We don't want you to leave.

Wait a minute.

Aren't you guys forgetting something?

Richie and Fiona still want the house. But they're on their way over here to

sign the papers right now. And unless they're the ones who pull out of escrow,

you guys are dead meat.

Ben, I'll always love you, but I liked you a lot better as a slacker.

Fine.

I get it, Mom.

You don't want to sell the house.

We're sorry.

Mike, give me the keys to the car.

Why? Give me the keys, Mike.

The best grows over.

Mom, I always liked that car.

Where's he going with my car?

The power of truth.

The power of miswiring the bathroom, Dad.

Hey,

remember, it's a stick chip, and you're not on my insurance policy.

You guys, what? Talk to me.

Okay,

now start from the beginning.

What was that?

Oh, man.

Oh, man.

Oops.

Benjamin. Get some habits, die hard.

It's a Seaver family tradition.

And it's going to cost a fortune.

Richie, there's a hole in the house.

You're telling me. Shut up.

Fiona, in the interest of full hazard disclosure, we'd like to tell you that

after raising four kids here, this house has a lot of scars.

And wrath.

This house is a teardown.

I am going to talk to my father.

Get in the car, Richie.

Poor Fiona.

Poor Richie. Oh, Maggie, we'll deal with the pain.

Not this time.

I'm in labor.

No. No.

Just breathe, sweetie. Breathe, breathe.

Here, just call the doctor. Call the doctor.

Okay,

honey. Okay. Just breathe.

All right,

guys, come on. Hey, you guys, come on. Settle down.

All right? And Carol's having a problem here.

Mike. Mike.

Shut up.

You are naturally good at everything. I have never been naturally good at

anything in my entire life.

I have had to work hard and study. Hurry up, Dad. I think she's going to blow

up. I can't do it.

Carol?

Scott, we need to talk.

I don't think I can be just a stay -at -home mom. Okay, honey, just breathe

right now. Breathe, okay? But I can still be a stay -at -home executive and

still be... Mommy, kids!

Hi,

everybody. How's Carol?

She's good. The doctor said it's going to be a few hours.

Scott's in there with him.

Michelle's got the kids down in the cafeteria.

Hey, would you guys excuse us for a minute?

Honey, step into my office.

Listen, I said no to Tokyo.

Mike, I thought that's what you wanted.

I know. I'm Mike Seaver, the guy who once glued his hand to his head. What do

know?

I'm so happy.

Money's going to be a little tight for a while while I pay back the deductible

on that convertible.

Convertible? Yeah, don't get attached. It's already gone.

It doesn't matter.

What's important is we're all going to be together.

And the kids are going to have a dad who knows what kind of ice cream they like.

All kinds.

My phone.

Ms.

Gardner.

Yes, I know that I changed my mind about Tokyo.

Milan?

I'm really sorry about this, Mr. Dillenbeck.

Sorry isn't going to cut it. I haven't seen Fiona this mad since sixth grade

when I took away her credit card.

I gave you everything, Seaver.

I've been like a father to you.

No. My father never tried to turn me into somebody I wasn't.

Dad, what is going on? My love's overrated you. Dad?

We're being sued.

No, actually.

Richie and Fiona have dropped out of the sale.

The garage door was the last straw. Escrow's over.

We kicked Mickey out of the band. The label signed us.

Talk about karma, right?

No, that's female empowerment.

So the gigs are booked?

Um... What?

Hey, I know the lingo.

Yeah, I got a daughter who's a rock star.

Daddy. It's bae. Bae.

Just trying to give you your space.

As a matter of fact... No

way.

Go in safety and style.

Oh, my gosh.

Man, I don't know what to say. I'll name my first song after you. I'll

call it I Don't Hate My Dad That Much.

Oh.

Oh.

Thank you, Daddy.

You should do Grandson.

Oh. Open your body. Oh.

This is Seaver.

Thiever? Thiever Malone Johnson.

Oh, we are so honored.

Yes, we are.

Gosh.

Honey, I guess now our job is done.

Well,

then you haven't read our book.

I know.

He is so handsome.

Empty nest.

Kids all gone.

Furnishings and belongings sold.

A refrigerator full of food that we will never live long enough to eat,

including a brand new family -sized package. That was on special.

Jason, it's always on special.

Yes.

Hey, remember what you said at the hospital about our job being done?

Parents' job is never done.

Isn't that great?

Yeah, we're lucky.

But for retirement, no, we can't do it. Can't afford it. Now that we got stiffed

on the RV.

The villa in Tuscany.

Yeah, Mickey's gambling debts. You get the Ukrainian wrecking crew.

The hole in the garage.

Don't worry, I have a plan.

You do?

Mm -hmm.

And what is that? Well, same old plan, you know. The one I'm always promoting.

And who could blame me?

Look at you in that tux and gown.

Okay?

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