All language subtitles for -A.Very.Jonas.Christmas.Movie.2025.1080p.WEBRip.x264.AAC5.1-[YTS.MX]

Okay.

Let's go, people.

We flew all the way to London for this concert.

I wanna make sure we get there in time to hit the merch stand.

Will, how much more merch do you need?

Honey, they have this limited edition souvenir cup.

- Hmm. - The Jonas Brothers glow in the dark.

Magnus, no, no. Put that down.

Collector's edition chocolates, that's never been opened.

- Why aren't you ready? - I'm looking for my hair stuff.

Your hair doesn't matter. You're no Joe Jonas.

I can't find my gloves.

Those gloves look stupid on you.

Has anyone seen my deodorant?

Since when did you care about deodorant?

Look, tonight isn't about you.

Will, I know tonight is important to you--

Important? Tonight isn't just important, Viveca.

Tonight is my Super Bowl.

- Hmm. - When I'm having a bad day

and everyone is asking me, "When are you gonna make Anchorman 3?

When are you gonna make Elf 2? When are you gonna make Moana 6?"

- I'm not even in Moana, you know... - Yeah.

You know what I think about to help me get through that?

Me and the kids.

What? No.

I think about tonight

and watching my three kings as they share their gift with the world.

Does that make sense?

All right. Let's go. Let's go.

I'm so happy we got here four and a half hours early.

- Every moment... - Every brother...

Every feeling matters.

Hello, London. Merry Christmas.

Hey.

Come on!

I think we're closer as a family.

Thank you, London.

I love you, Jonas Brothers!

- What a show! Thank you, London! - Yeah.

- Yeah. - Great tour, guys.

Thanks, Jared. Have a blast in Cabo with the family.

- Appreciate you. - See you next year.

- Take that. - Thank you. Merry Christmas.

Can't believe Will Ferrell was there again.

Hey, good luck getting that Turkish hair transplant fixed, Brian.

Thanks, Joe.

Guys, what's all this?

This is the end-of-tour party I told you we're throwing to thank the crew.

- Oh. Thank you. - Love you, fam.

- Thank you. - Dude, that show tonight was sick.

Yeah, I think the set list changes really helped.

Changes?

Yeah, remember you guys said the second act was dragging

so I spent about four hours today, like, changing things.

I love memes. It's just...

Okay. You noticed, right?

Uh, I know. I know. Yeah, very important. We're grateful.

Hey, babe. Yeah, I just got off stage.

What'd you have for dinner?

Talk about ending the tour on a high note.

- Kebab Daddy? - That new harmony on "S.O.S"

was like a fine champagne for the ears.

Merci pour le compliment, Brad.

- Sliders? Oh. - Priyanka and I are learning French.

- Nice. - So did you go wrap or platter?

Wrap. Nice. What about Alena?

Platter, nice. What did you guys have to drink?

Oh, my God. No one cares.

You know what, let me call you right back. Nick's in one of his moods again.

- What? - Nothing.

Here we are.

All right. Now, are you boys sure you're okay

with getting to the plane tomorrow without me?

I could stay another night just to make sure you get home okay.

I'm sure Marie will understand.

I mean, we are renewing our vows and she's already in Atlantic City.

But she's a very understanding woman.

I wrote a whole thing about that in my new vows.

Look, you're the best, it's one night, Brad. We'll be fine.

I just don't like the idea of my boys being all alone in London.

We're not your boys, Brad.

We're your grown men.

All right. You're the bosses.

I also got you a little something in case your stalkers try any funny business.

What's the, uh, stalker count currently?

Uh, Nick 34.

Joe 48. Kevin 175.

That's because whenever anybody in prison writes me, I write 'em back.

A fan's a fan.

What have you got for us, Brad? Pepper spray, stun guns?

- Whistles? - No.

Emergency whistles.

See, they're like regular whistles except they have your names on them.

If anyone tries anything on your way to New York, just blow.

I do not feel safer. Mmm.

Oh, and I, uh, also hired you a fancy,

round-the-clock travel agency in case anything comes up.

Mm-mmm.

We don't need your fancy travel agency, Bradford.

My name is Bradley.

Okay.

Never forget.

Hey, guys, so I've been googling spots for tonight and I think--

I can't go out tonight.

I'm sorry. I can't show up to Malti Marie and Pri hungover.

Are you serious? It's the last night of tour.

We always go out and celebrate.

And we're in London.

And the minute we get back to the city, we're all going our separate ways, so...

- I'm sorry. - Okay. Fine.

What do you say, Kev? Huh?

The OG two. Before this snoozefest went and got born.

Sorry, man. I haven't seen my kids in like a month.

I need to be on my A game tomorrow.

We all wanna be fresh for our kids tomorrow.

But we don't wanna miss out on what could be the most epic night of our lives.

We are three extremely exhausted dads in our 30s.

How epic could it be?

You really wanna know?

Yeah, we get that sometimes.

EJ just texted about this show, sounds mad fuego.

Wanna come with, guys that look like the Jo Bros?

Don't say "fire". You're 36.

My song, my rules.

Oh, couldn't get Elton?

My fantasy. You will have fun.

To the palace!

So we're doing this?

Hi, Gaga.

Hi. How's Vermont? How's the house? Is it as nice as it was in the pictures?

It's beautiful. Malti and I love it.

Malti, say hi to Gaga.

Hi. Malti, I'm gonna be home tomorrow...

...and I'm gonna take you skiing just like I promised.

And she could care less.

Yeah, well, you can't compete with early Christmas presents, can you?

Oh, you guys already started opening gifts?

How could I stop her? There's, like, stacks of presents.

I know. I know. All good.

- Just can't wait to see you guys. - You look tired.

Uh... I mean, six months of touring will do that to you.

Hmm.

Not to mention six months of obsessing over every single detail of

the tour creative and the album artwork and next year's routing,

all while my brothers enjoy their carefree existence.

Hmm.

And I ran out of that fancy eye cream you got me.

- I knew it. - Yeah. It's showing.

I knew you hadn't been doing your nightly dabs.

- You got to look after your under eyes. - I know.

Okay, well, keep your chin up, all right. You're almost home.

- We love you. - I love you so much.

Bye, Gaga.

Good night.

How cute is this one? It's a bear wearing a custom silk dinner jacket.

Wow. That is beautiful.

Uh, did you say custom?

And look at this deer wearing a real diamond broach.

Wow. That looks really incredible.

It even has teeny-tiny crocodile skin stilettos.

How many of our ornaments have custom designer clothing?

Don't worry. All of them.

- Okay. - Hey, babe.

Have you talked to Nick and Joe?

No.

I just don't know how they're gonna take it.

Here. This will cheer you up.

A penguin with a cashmere top hat.

Looks like Jeremy Strong at the Golden Globes.

Cute.

You all right there?

Yeah, I'm fine.

- Oh. - Yeah.

Yep, I'm in the band.

No, I... I know who you are.

Santa has Spotify, you know.

- What? - I said I have Spotify.

So, uh, what's got a famous rock star like you so down in the dumps?

It's just...

Hmm?

Look, us as the Jonas Brothers, we're... we're great.

But us as brothers, like actually us, you know...

Whatever magic was there is just...

dead.

Oh. Nothing like Christmas to help a family rediscover its magic.

Right.

Except our Christmas plans are to get the hell away from each other, so...

Oh, that's not good.

That's not good at all.

Okay, well, thanks for letting me vent to you.

- Merry Christmas. - Merry Christmas.

Cheers.

Fuel guy said a lightning bolt hit the plane

and the gas tank straight-up exploded.

So is there another plane we could take?

Oh, sure.

I'll just go back to the firehouse, where I work as a firefighter,

and grab you our private plane.

That was uncalled for.

Guys, I cannot miss Christmas.

Wow. What an incredibly unique thing about you, Kevin.

- Just how I am. - Yeah, no one can miss Christmas.

Have you ever seen a Christmas movie? It's the entire plot of the film.

I'm supposed to teach Malti Marie how to ski.

Do you know how cute a toddler trying to ski is?

Very cute.

I booked a fondue night.

The whole night dedicated to fondue.

Melted cheese, melted chocolate. Priyanka loves it.

And I will not deny her that.

I know what you need.

A calming chamomile candle from my new line, Glow by Joe.

Here. Take it.

Wow.

You are so jealous that my candle line took off and yours never did.

The world wasn't ready for Wick by Nick.

It might never be.

Guys, we have time. It's the 23rd, okay.

- So we just need to book another flight. - I'm calling Brad.

No. He's getting his vows renewed.

We should be supporting him in his ventures of love

and be able to function in the real world.

That would be ideal,

but we've been famous since we were little kids.

So it is what it is.

- Yeah. - Mmm. Yeah.

Hi, you've reached Brad.

I'll be off my phone till Tuesday, remarrying a truly majestic woman.

If this is my grown men, check your wallets.

- Thought I ripped this up. - Damn, he's good.

What? Are you calling to break what's left of my heart?

Because it's already been pulverized into a million, billion pieces.

Uh, I may have the wrong number.

This is Kevin Jonas. I'm looking for Odyssey Travel.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Okay. Um...

Hello?

Thank you for calling Odyssey Travel.

This is Cassidy starting this call over with Odyssey's trademark professionalism.

Please disregard my initial greeting.

I am going through a very traumatic breakup

and thought you were my ex calling from a burner phone.

Which is a super easy mistake to make.

- Oh, you poor thing. What happened? - Thanks.

- Are you okay? - Hi, Cassidy.

Our tour plane burned down

and I need to get to Vermont to see my wife and daughter ASAP.

And I need to get to my family in New Jersey.

So could you please find us a new plane

or maybe a flight out of Heathrow or something?

On it. Yeah.

I should've never turned down that Delta commercial.

- You turned down a commercial? - What's that supposed to mean?

- You say yes to everything. - No, I don't.

- You're the face of male Botox. - It's not Botox.

It's Brotox. A Botox alternative just for men.

Botox didn't want him.

Hey, Jonas Brothers?

I've got it. Ugh, with this storm coming, Heathrow is totally shut down.

But I can get you on a 3:00 p.m. flight out of Charles de Gaulle à Paris!

Uh, but you need to be on the train that leaves to Paris in...

...30 minutes.

But you guys are fast.

- Okay. - All right. We're moving. Thank you.

I've heard that about you. That you guys are fast guys.

- I got an Uber. - Thanks, Cassidy.

- Bye. - Is it true?

Whoa. Did we win something?

Nick, why don't you take front? You're chatty.

- Oh, hello. Hello, hello! - Hey.

Wow. You really like Christmas.

Guilty, guilty.

Who would like a candy cane?

- Um... I'm good. - That's tempting. I'm okay.

No, thank you. Uh, just a ride to St. Pancras station please.

- Yeah. - Oh. Oh. Got it. Got it.

Oh, I just gotta look up where that is on "Wahzay."

- "Wahzay"? - I'm new to London.

- Waze. - I worked as a receptionist for an ear,

nose and throat doctor in Ronkonkoma

- for 37 years. - It's, um...

And then one day I woke up and I realized it's time for the next chapter.

- Yeah. - Okay, well, here we are.

Well, here we are. There's more to life than ears, noses and throats, you know?

- Yes. I... Absolutely. - I've always been an Anglophile.

- How about you? - Me too.

- Oh, look at that. - Anglophile. Guilty.

- I said to myself, "Deb"... - Hey, Deb--

- "...you have your health, have your mind." - Health?

- "It's time to have an adventure." - To hit the road.

- Yeah. - Oh, my God.

Okay. I am such a goof.

- I just typed in "adventure" on "Wahzay." - That's too funny.

- I-I texted-- - I see that... Can I see this for a sec?

- I'm gonna help you. Sorry. - Oh, what a sweet young man you are.

- He is. - Gosh.

- He really is. - I wish that my grandson had your manners.

Uh, we do need to get to St. Pancras station in 30 minutes.

- Can we please start driving? - Thirty minutes? Ooh.

- That's gonna be tight... - Zoom. Whoo-hoo!

- I think we can do it. - Every minute counts.

Let's give it me best.

- Great. - Here we go.

Whoa!

We got outta there quick.

Well, I hope I don't get stopped

because my picture on my license doesn't look like me.

- What? - And there's a reason.

It isn't!

Oopsie.

Oh! Whoa!

Whoa!

Wrong lane. Wrong lane.

Drive!

I'm still trying to get that "other side of the road" thing.

Deb, you can just slow down for us please.

All right. Don't get your panties in a bunch now.

- Wanna make that train or not? - Yes, but alive please.

- Okay. - Whoopsie!

Everybody.

What is a figgy pudding anyway?

- I think they mean fig pudding. - Truck! Truck! Truck!

Ooh!

Whoo!

Oh, my God.

You know what's an underrated pudding?

- Rice pudding. It has so many ingredients. - Rice pudding. Let's just...

- Back that way. Yeah. - Thank you for helping!

So he kissed me on the cheek.

He called down for a cab.

And I never saw Buzz Aldrin again.

- What a story. - Well, look at that.

- You made it and with time to spare. - Oh, my God. Thank you.

If you wouldn't mind giving me five stars.

- Yes, five stars. Sure. Thank you. - Merry Christmas.

- Let's go! Let's get home. - Guys, I can't believe we made it.

- Do you think we have time for a song? - Yeah.

Hey!

Joe?

- Lucy? - Yeah.

- Hi. - Hi. What!

Oh, my God. I haven't seen you since we were like--

- Thirteen? When you moved to Portland. - Thir... Yeah.

Yes, you... Wow. You remember where my family moved.

Do I remember where your fam...

I literally have hated Portland ever since.

- Really? - Mm-hmm.

People would always be like,

"Portland is so cool, you gotta come visit."

And I'd be like, "Portland sucks."

Then I remember it's just the place that stole Lucy Chen away from me.

- Wow. - We used to hang out all the time.

Why did we stop talking?

Probably 'cause we were kids and we didn't have phones.

- And then you became a very famous kid. - Right.

And then I did, like...

- I walked into that one, didn't I? - ...instant message you.

- You didn't respond so I think... - I don't think that's how--

You are, like, a fancy doctor now.

Yeah. I am. I'm a cardiothoracic surgeon.

- That's right. - Yeah.

- How did you know that, Joe? - Just you've always been doctor-like.

Huh. Did you stalk my Instagram?

No.

I looked once.

- That's cool. - Yeah.

I kinda knew you'd become a doctor.

I remember in science class when we had to dissect that pig.

Everyone was freaking out, and you just cut that thing up like a pro.

Yeah. I remember that. You threw up in my JanSport.

- No. I did not. - In the middle of the classroom.

Yes, you did. I held your hair.

I remember you were my only lab partner, so...

What are you, um, doing on this train?

Are you going to a convention for...

hear... heart... heartio... Cardio?

- Vertigo? - No. Cardiothoracic.

- Right. That's what it is. - It's fine.

Uh, no, I'm not. I'm, um...

I'm going through a breakup.

So it inspired this kind of emo Euro trip thing.

- By yourself? - Lame?

No, it's actually quite brave.

Oh. Thanks.

We'll be arriving at our final destination in ten minutes.

All right. Um...

- I should probably go get my-- - Okay.

- It was good to see you. Uh... - Yeah. It was really good to see you.

Doctor.

- Yeah. But... - Yeah.

Um... Okay.

I'll s... Bye.

Bye.

- Nick-- - You guys are never gonna believe

who I just ran into.

- Who? - Lucy Chen.

- From grade school? - Yeah.

And I feel like we had a connection.

Is that what we're calling it these days? Connection.

How many connections have you had this month?

- Hmm. - Joe can't count that high.

Nice. Yeah.

Funny.

Uh, seeing as we're stuck here, there's something I wanna talk to you guys about.

Dude, you forgot the mayo.

All right. Hey, mayo it up, brah.

- Hi, Stacy. - Nicky J, what do you say.

Sonya, I told you to watch the numbing cream around my mouth.

Stacy. Stacy, you're... you're calling me because...

Right. Great news!

After the holidays, the promoters want to extend the tour six months.

You're welcome.

Oh. Wow.

Hey, Nick!

Hey! Down here!

Remember how you spent all that time reworking the set list,

and we didn't even notice.

Yeah, what's another six months of you doing all the heavy lifting,

while we goof off and have fun!

I love memes!

Nicky J? Still with me?

Yeah. Um, but I'm gonna have to say no on extending the tour.

And... And listen. Please don't mention that it was an option to the brothers, okay?

Um... What?

Why?

Yeah! Whoo!

They're burnt out from being on the road.

And you know how they hate to disappoint their fans.

So they would never say no, but they really need a break.

Hmm.

Okay, fine.

Sonya. Can you please put some of that numbing cream on my heart?

Because Nick Jonas just broke it.

No, not really. Just doing a thing.

Okay. I'm hanging up now, Stacy. We're almost in Paris.

Now approaching our final destination,

- Amsterdam. - What?

Who gets on the wrong train?

He was probably on his phone asking Mom what she had for breakfast.

Okay. Be nice to me or I'm not paying for college.

But what did she have?

Thanks for holding down the fort, Mom. Yeah, I'm warm.

I'm wearing my scarf. I... I'm hanging up now. Love you.

So wait, now you have to find a flight out of Amsterdam?

Yeah, yeah. It's fine. I just...

Let me figure this out, I'll call you back in a little bit.

- Malti, I love you. I love you so much. - Just get home for Christmas, Gaga.

We love you.

No. You don't get to groan.

- Why? - Because this is your fault.

Okay, how is this my fault? We all got on the same train.

Yeah, you were supposed to double-check.

Yeah. And you're the uptight, responsible one.

That's right. You're the uptight, responsible one.

You're the lovable tramp.

- And I'm the relatable-- - Human cardboard?

Hmm. Forgettable curly?

The world's most unlikely rock star?

Not Nick or Joe.

The one that still lives in New Jersey.

Ah. Good one, tramp.

I was gonna say handsome, relatable everyman, but fine.

- Oh, gosh. Cassidy. - Oh.

Hey, Cassidy. Uh, please tell me you got us a flight out of Amsterdam.

Not yet. I mean, it is two days before Christmas

and Dutch people travel a lot.

Probably because they get four weeks paid vacation guaranteed by law.

Oh, my God.

Should Cassidy be moving to Amsterdam?

Yes.

Cassidy. Can we focus real quick, please.

Sorry. I have you on standby at literally every single airline.

I'm sure something will come through by the morning.

Okay. All right. If we get out in the morning, then we can still make it home

- in time for Christmas Eve dinner. - That's not that bad. So, uh...

Where are we gonna stay tonight?

How is this the only hotel room in the entire city?

Tripadvisor just says "Don't".

Lock the door.

Yeah.

- The lock is just two pieces of string. - Tie it tight.

- Tie it tighter. - Need me to do it?

No, I can do... a sailor's knot.

- Okay. - Okay, well I'm definitely sleeping

- with the passport pack on tonight. - You don't need to sleep with the pack on.

For the uptight, responsible one, you're very lax about passport safety.

I call middle.

You can't just call middle while I'm talking about the pack.

Well, yes I can. I'm older and I'm taller.

My shoulders are broader.

No, they're... Your shoulders? Absolutely not.

There are literally websites dedicated to my shoulders.

- No. There's no chance. - Let's see. Right now.

- Back to back. - Look, Nick.

Guys, would you please shut up. I'm trying to figure out how to get us home.

'Cause Cassidy's not it.

Joe.

Sorry. It's just somebody sent me a video

of an octopus who loves to watch Vanderpump Villa.

Oh, my God. This is good, look. Oh, that's not it.

- What's going on, family? - That's Nick's buddy from Broadway.

I'm coming at you live from Air Ethan. We're headed to Amsterdam.

- To Amsterdam? - Happy holidays, all.

On his private plane.

I'm gonna be performing my intimate Christmas show.

Eggnog with an EGOT.

And then we're headed back to New York on my plane for Christmas with the crew.

Um... okay. Well, this is obviously perfect.

No. Ethan is not going to let us on his plane.

- Why? - 'Cause he hates me.

First day of rehearsal for Home Alone: The Musical,

I walked in and said, "Hey, you're doing great, kid."

He said, "Don't call me a kid, you old man." I'm like,

"Chill, bro. I'm literally playing your dad in the show, you are my kid."

And it's a weird casting choice. But the point is, he hates me.

That was, like, a hundred years ago.

Guys. It's not gonna happen. Let it go.

Okay, Nick.

Joseph, do you think Nick abandoning Malti at Christmas is gonna scar her for life?

Well, maybe not for life. But she is so young that I feel like

- she'll be in therapy... - Oh, my God. Okay, let's go see Ethan.

- Yes. - And try to get on his plane.

Nice.

And I said, "Kristin Chenoweth,

I think this is the best Christmas ham I've ever tasted."

That's what I said.

Man, crazy times on Broadway.

He's so charming.

That's not...

Could that possibly be the Jonas Brothers?

- Hey. - Hi.

Guilty as charged. Hey, everyone.

- Nick! - Hey, Ethan.

So sweet of you to come to my show, man.

That is cool of you. That is big of you, man.

You know what, Nick, why don't you come on up here?

Oh, yeah!

- Oh, I... I... - Plane. Plane.

- Great idea. - I would love to.

- Yeah. - Get us home. Come on.

Get up there.

Nick Jonas.

What a treat. Nick.

- Hey. Ethan. - Nicky, man. Good to see you too.

- You got this. - Make us proud.

Oh, can I have two of those please? Thank you.

Most of you probably know this already.

Uh... Nick and I starred together in Home Alone: The Musical.

I, of course, played Kevin McCallister and Nick obviously played my dad.

Uh... Well, you know, it's Broadway.

So you really suspend disbelief and... And Ethan was playing younger,

I was playing older, obviously.

And they even had to add some gray to my temple just to really sell it.

Did they? They did?

They absolutely did.

- Oh, it just... Oh... - You know they did.

It's just I'm seeing some smile lines that sell it just fine.

- Oh. - Ah, come on!

Pow! I'm teasing you, man.

- That's funny. - Hey, Nick. Hey, Nick. Come on.

- Shall we do our big song? - Oh, I don't think they want to see that.

They don't... Of course they do. It's the title song in the show.

Yeah! Let's hear it!

If you don't remember the words, I can make them really big on your phone.

Oh. No, no, no. The vision's just fine. Twenty-twenty, bud.

- Oh, good. - Yeah, but listen, hey,

if you wanna take the key down, I get it.

It's 'cause I know there was a lot of times in our run where those...

those high notes were a little tough to get to.

Oh, don't say that.

- I'm good, man. I'm good with the key. - Oh, he's good. Let's just play the song.

- All right, just play the song. - Go ahead. Play the song.

God.

All right, here we go.

I grew from the hurt.

I can't believe this show only ran three weeks.

I can.

- Keep it going, keep it going. - Oh, no.

- He's doing it. - Stop.

What are you doing? Stop!

Stop, stop, stop, stop. Stop.

You knew. You knew exactly what you were doing.

Because you know what you are, Nick Jonas? You are sick.

- Okay, just-- - To track me down, in Amsterdam,

- so you could come up here... - No, this is bad.

...and embarrass me in front of the people who love me most,

because you can't stand that your time in the sun is up.

- That's mean. - And I am about to have

a double EGOT.

Emmy, Emmy, Grammy, Grammy, Oscar, Oscar, Tony, Tony. E-E, G-G, O-O, T-T.

This is the worst city. And you are the worst Jonas brother.

Justin!

- You're my hero! - Thank you.

That's live theater for you. Anything can happen, right?

- No plane? - No plane.

Are you, uh, stalking me?

Lucy? What are you doing here?

Well, I was... I was trying to watch an Ethan Lloyd Monroe show,

but that happened instead.

- Yeah. - Yeah. Yeah.

I'm wondering if I can get a refund or something. 'Cause I'm--

You know, I could probably give you Nick's Venmo.

- Yeah. - And you could just bill him.

- Okay, great. Yeah. That's... That's good. - That work?

Uh, it's actually good that it ended early

'cause I have this, like, awesome Amsterdam bucket list.

And there's this one thing that I didn't know if I was gonna have time for,

and now I have time.

So, I think I'm gonna do that.

Do you want company for this thing?

Uh... Well, you don't know what the thing is.

- That's fine. - Yeah, I w...

- Yeah, I would love for you to come. - Yes, Okay, great.

- I will... I'll text my brothers. - Hmm.

Okay, I'll text my mom.

I... I'm kidding.

- I'll just go grab my jacket. - Okay, that's fine.

Is that what we're calling it these days? A connection.

How many girls have you connected with this month?

You're a worthless party boy who doesn't deserve love.

I agree.

Uh, do you know the "Oops, I Did It Again" music video dance still?

Yes, obviously. I'm not a loser.

- It's like... I can't... - That's not... Nah, you don't know it.

Okay, I know it in... I know it in my mind,

- but I physically can't do it. - Right.

So, is your ex a doctor as well?

Okay, then.

Um, yeah.

We were best friends. It was nice.

And the hardest thing I ever had to do was admit that I,

um, was not in love with him.

Oh. So, you... you broke up with him?

Yeah.

If you don't feel as bad for me anymore, I understand.

I do.

I've got a few bad break-ups under my belt as well.

Yeah.

I'm not sure what to do here.

Like, do people pretend not to know

literally everything about your personal life? Or like...

And then do you pretend not to know that they're pretending not to know?

Yeah, that's pretty much how it goes.

That's so weird.

- I'm sorry. Yeah. - It's weird. Yeah.

Um, but the good news is this looks like a good spot.

Looks good for what exactly?

For swimming.

Mmm. Right.

So, just the same old Lucy, except you're crazy now.

It's called Nieuwjaarsduik.

It's a Dutch New Years tradition for, like, new beginnings.

And I'm not gonna be here on New Years. So, we're just gonna have to do it now.

Come on, pretty boy. The cold water will be good for your pores.

Okay. Fine.

Can't believe I'm doing this.

Let me just hang up my super cool passport pack.

Ho, ho, ho, ho.

Book a new flight.

Sorry, I didn't get that.

It's okay. Book a new flight.

One more time.

Book a new flight.

Rent a car. Is that correct?

That is not correct. I would like to book a new flight.

Hey, Nick, my main man.

I've been, uh, wanting to talk to you about something vis-à-vis la música.

"Vis-à-vis la música"? What am I talking about?

Just rip off the Band-Aid, Kevin. Um...

Nick, I wanna sing lead in a song.

Is that cool with you guys?

Human cardboard.

- Forgettable curly. - The world's most unlikely rock star.

The stuff we say to you is so mean,

you don't even have to embellish it in your memory.

You got this.

Book a new flight.

If you would like to hear the menu options again,

- please press nine. - Nick, can we talk?

Listen, you stupid airplane robot!

You think you're gonna replace us? That is not the case.

Get me on the phone with a live human being right now to book me a new flight

so I can get home to be with my family for Christmas.

What?

Nothing.

I'm sorry, I didn't get that. Please hold.

Okay. You ready?

Sure.

Eén, twee, drie!

- It's so cold. - It's horrible.

This was your idea.

Go, go, go.

- Joe, come on. - Wait.

We have to go faster. He's on a bike.

- Thank you. - I got it, I got it. Keep going.

It's so cold.

- Okay, we made it. - I don't know.

Do you think we lost him?

Honestly, I don't think anybody was chasing us.

- Oh. Laundry day. - Oh.

- Thank you. Oh. - Thanks.

- Oh. - Nice. Well, I did not have

Amsterdam outlaw on my bingo card for tonight.

- What? - Nothing.

It's just strange being with you.

Feel like yesterday we were sneaking into American Pie 2.

But we've also had all these years apart and I feel like I have a million questions

about what you've been doing and thinking and feeling and I don't know.

You just feel like my old, favorite sweater.

But, like, also like a new pair of shoes that I can't wait to break in.

I don't wanna break you in. That doesn't make sense.

- That got away from-- - No, I...

I know exactly how you're feeling.

That's Nick. He got us plane tickets to New York.

I-I-I gotta go.

That's amazing.

- Where are you spending the holidays? - Uh, Brooklyn.

I leave tomorrow afternoon.

My parents are going on a celebrity cruise with John Stamos.

It's no big deal, but it'll just be me and my cat.

Oh, I'm gonna be in the city as well.

Really?

Really.

I hope your cat got you a nice Christmas gift.

Yeah.

Right, okay. I... I gotta go.

Yep. Bye, Joe.

Bye.

This is my nightmare.

I don't have any clean clothes.

Shipped everything home except what I needed for

one night of sleep, one day of travel.

But now it's day two of travel so I have to put back on day one's outfit.

Good thing I packed my emergency robe.

J.Lo called, she wants her dress back.

I can smell all of yesterday's smells. Don't you hate that?

I can smell that... ...Christmas lady's car.

And the train.

And the fries from the train. And the mayo from the fries.

Wow, Priyanka really puts up with a lot, doesn't she?

Yeah, she does. She's a very patient woman.

- Hi. - Great job with the door, Kev.

Joe, while you were out gallivanting around Amsterdam,

I was on the phone with a lovely ticket agent,

securing seats for us on a flight home tomorrow.

- That's great. - Yeah.

So, what's her name?

- Well, that is a very funny story. - Like he remembers.

Can I get my passport? I wanna check on it.

Yes, passports. Who's got the passports?

I do 'cause I have the pack.

Feels a bit light, but you know what? It's right...

It's gone.

They're gone, so...

Great.

Wait. You lost all three of your passports?

- Are you kidding me? - We did not lose them.

- Joe lost them. - Somebody must've stolen them.

Lucky for you, I deal with this kind of thing all the time.

Hang on just one moment please.

Uh, Siri, what do I do if I lose my passport abroad?

- Oh, my God. - Cassidy, uh, we... we can still hear you.

Oh, uh...

I know, I was just talking to Siri,

my colleague that specializes in passport law.

Sorry, I didn't quite get that.

- Cassidy. - Okay, fine!

Fine. I wasn't talking to any of my colleagues

because I am all alone on Christmas.

Oh, my God.

That's it.

Wh... What's it? Cassidy?

My ex is a pilot. He ditched me so he could fly

Angela Merkel to her favorite spa in Hamburg.

That is why we broke up.

But if I can get you guys to Germany, he can probably take you home on his PJ.

Uh, Cassidy, wh... why didn't you tell us this before?

Well, I didn't think of it. Probably because he's dead to me.

Have you not been listening to me at all?

Sorry. Uh, now I just have to get you to Germany.

Most of my drivers are off for the holidays,

but I'll check trusty Craigslist Amsterdam.

Here's someone.

Mmm.

He's probably gonna wanna do stuff to your feet.

- No. - No.

What kind of stuff?

Dank je wel.

- Merry Christmas. - Whoo!

Nothing can stop us from getting home for Christmas now! Whoo!

- Come on. - We're grown men.

And we'll drive ourselves to Hamburg.

Magic!

We should've just let that guy from Craigslist do stuff to my feet.

The girls are probably roasting chestnuts right now.

I'm starving.

Oh, my God. Do you think I'm gonna starve to death out here?

No. I think you're gonna freeze to death.

And Joe and I will be forced to eat you to survive.

Oh, my God, truck.

- Truck. Shall we hitchhike? - Are you crazy?

I saw this list that said

hitchhiking is the sixth most likely way people get killed.

I saw this other list said that we're the second most punchable band.

Put those lists together, whoever's driving that truck's

- gonna punch us to death. - No. No.

- Stop! - Nope.

Nick, what are you doing?

- Getting us home. - Don't look at the guy. Don't look at him.

Duolingo, 48 day streak.

I speak English. Hi.

And I, uh, I happen to be going right through Hamburg.

Have we met before?

No, of course not. No, I-I've never put a spell on you.

- What? - I said I've never met you.

Okay? Okay. Two in the back and one up here with me.

Okay. So...

Of course, I have to sit with the murderer.

Smells amazing. What is that?

600 Christmas trees.

Don't worry, I, um, went light on the whiskey today.

I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

It's just peppermint tea.

So, uh... How did you and your brothers end up

stranded in Germany on Christmas Eve?

Good question. Uh, we were on tour in Europe.

Um, we're in a band together.

A band of brothers. Huh. Oh, like the Bee Gees.

Oh, that-that sounds fun.

It can be.

No, don't get me wrong. I mean, I'm...

I-I am so grateful that there are some people that love our music,

and that we're still doing this after all these years.

But it's family,

and, you know, being around your family all the time, it's...

It's tough.

We got our big break when we were just kids.

And right away we kind of locked into these very specific roles.

And we're-we're great at them, that's why this works.

But mine is planning, and worrying, and obsessing over every little detail.

And it just feels like by trying to keep us on our A game,

I've gotten stuck being kind of, uh, annoying.

And... ...it's driving me insane actually.

Does that make any sense?

Mmm. Mmm. Not really, no.

But... ...I don't really have anyone who drives me insane.

- Braggy. - Well, no, it's just...

...I live a very solitary life.

My-My home is very remote,

and, uh, my work is all-consuming.

I just try and bring people joy with my yearly deliveries of, um,

you know, Christmas trees.

- That's actually really nice. - Well, it can be.

Most of the time, I'm-I'm on the outside looking in through the window.

Hmm.

Yeah, this lone wolf has always daydreamed about being part of a pack.

Yeah.

Would you mind pulling over? I just wanna go check on my brothers.

Oh, yeah.

Why are we stopping?

I don't know.

Never trust a cheap spell to do a man's job.

You all right?

Yeah. Just wanted some fresh air.

You know what this reminds me of?

Yeah. Those old days with Dad driving us to gigs?

Back of the minivan.

Cramped in the back seat, trying not to throw up from Dad's terrible driving.

Didn't Dad cut down a Christmas tree one year for Christmas?

- Think so, yeah. Oh, yeah. - There was spiders in it.

There was, like, spiders everywhere.

- Spiders. I remember that. - Yeah.

I remember Dad in our little apartment in Dallas--

Pulling out each ornament, one by one, telling a story about it.

- He was making those stories up. - For sure.

"This is from New Zealand." It's like, "When have you been to New Zealand?"

- Oh, yes, a very Kiwi Christmas. - Yeah.

Oh, was it Operation or Monopoly--

Endless childish games. I forgot about that.

Guten Tag.

Oh, absolutely. Here we go.

Hi, you've reached Stacy. Please leave one after the beep.

Hey, Stacy, it's Nick.

Look, I've been thinking, uh, you know, maybe we can extend the tour.

Look, we-we absolutely love performing together,

and when things are good, they're-they're great.

I... It's just...

I think I just need a minute to decide if we can make this work or not.

So d-don't say no to the promoters just yet, okay? All right, bye.

Look, we found fresh clothes.

"I'm a Düsseldorf girl."

Least it doesn't have yesterday's smells on it.

Do you get mine? It's pretty funny.

- Wow. - It's beautiful.

Now let's just hope Cassidy's ex isn't a total freak.

Hello, gents!

Damn, son.

No wonder Cassidy's so heartbroken.

I'm Gene. It is an absolute honor to get you guys home for Christmas.

Hi, Gene.

Got the usual stuff here.

I googled some of your favorite snacks. Hope that's okay.

Pringles for Nick. Roasted peanuts for Kevin. Sour Patch Kids, Joe.

I have a soft spot for these too.

Tart and sweet, just like your music.

You get it.

Kevin McCallister, you brilliant, little devil.

Whoa. Bumpy.

Probably just a change in pressure. My main man Gene's all over it.

Okay. I'm gonna go see what's going on.

Um, Gene?

Oh!

What are you doing?

My ex, Cassidy, posted a photo with some guy named Dean. Look at that.

That's not real though.

I appreciate you trying to protect me, Jonas. But I can fix this.

I just have to post a photo to make her remember how hot I am.

These photos suck. It's too cramped in here.

You can only see eight of my abs.

- Wait, you don't have a copilot. - So we better hurry.

Gene. Gene, don't you need to, like, fly the plane?

It's on autopilot. This is more important.

- Can you help please? - What's going on?

I don't know. This guy's insane.

I'm not insane. We're taking sexy photos so I can get my girlfriend back.

Okay, okay. Let me see. I need to see it.

Oh, the lighting is terrible in here. I'm washed out.

Oh, I got something for you.

How-How's that gonna help, Joe?

This is fantastic. What is this?

Glow by Joe. Cinnamon clove.

People magazine's sexiest candle two years running.

Joe, why are you encouraging this? We need him to fly the plane.

Sooner he takes these pictures, the sooner he gets back to flying this plane.

Nick, Nick, Nick.

Hey, I bet if we just land the plane, you can just call Cassidy...

- How's the lighting? - ...and you can apologize.

Okay, I gotta know. Is it keto? Intermittent fasting?

Put your arm down.

Feedback.

That looks great. Natural.

Nick, why's our manager texting you,

"So psyched you changed your mind and are open to extending the tour"?

Yeah, good news. They want to extend the tour. Congrats.

Eye on the prize, Nick. I can't hold this forever.

Can we talk about this later please?

- Seriously? - But what does she mean by,

"You changed your mind." What did you change your mind about?

Okay, fine. Yes, I did speak to her yesterday about extending the tour,

and I lied and said that you guys weren't up for it.

- The truth is, I wasn't up for it. - No, no, no.

Wait, so you just unilaterally decided to not extend without talking to us?

Yes, but I-I took it back. So...

- No. - Unbelievable.

- This isn't working. I look bloated! - You don't look bloated.

Why did you make me eat that Sour Patch Kid?

- What? - Let's do another setup.

- Maybe some waist down shots. - All right, I'll take 'em.

Gene!

- Is he dead? - He can't be dead.

If he's dead, we're dead.

We gotta wake him up. Come on.

- Gene? - Dude, Gene, wake up.

Oh, he's alive. Good.

- He's not dead. - Get him up. Get him up.

Help me.

- Come on. Come on. Geez. He's so dense. - Careful.

Careful.

- Okay. Get the legs. - Legs. Come on.

Come on, watch his foot. Don't let it hit anything.

- We gotta wake him up. - We deactivated auto pilot.

- We did? - We did.

- Then reactivate it! - I don't know how to do that.

Okay, uh, nothing works.

We're losing altitude. Reengage it.

I don't even know how to drive stick, what do you mean?

Gene, wake up. Come on. Come on! Come on!

Guys, I've got this.

I know Glen Powell from Top Gun.

Hold on.

We're gonna get home for Christmas.

- Whoa! - I don't have it. I don't have it.

- Gene, wake up and fly this plane! - Pull up.

- Come on, Gene. We need you! - Pull up.

Wait. Wait. Wait, wait.

Pull up.

You still have those?

That one's mine. That one's mine.

Doesn't matter, just blow.

No, no. One, two, three.

It's working. It's working. Keep going.

Cassidy, I love you! Cassidy!

- Gene! Fly the plane! - He's awake!

Oh, come on!

That's good.

Oh, no.

Uh, Gene, you got this.

Brace! Brace, guys. Hold on tight.

Hold on!

Huh. You did it, Gene. We're alive.

Whoo!

What... What's that smell?

Oh, cinnamon.

And cloves.

And pine. I'm definitely getting pine.

Oh, no.

- Oh. - No!

Oh, oh, okay. Whoa.

Let's go.

Two planes in two days.

Please tell me someone has their phone.

Maybe they're okay in there?

Oh, no.

Why do I never say yes to AppleCare?

- Sorry about before. Okay? - Hmm.

The heart makes us do crazy things.

Now I'll make us a fire, build us a shelter.

Great.

We'll set up camp for the night, all right? Good.

- Let's get it going. - No.

No, no, no. We are not setting up camp with you, Gene.

We are missing Christmas Eve with our kids

because you had to take thirst traps for the weirdest woman in the world.

I'm gonna stop you right there. You keep my ex's name out of your mouth.

- I didn't even say her name. - Good.

- Don't say her name. - But I will now.

- Cassidy. - Don't.

- Cassidy, Cassidy, Cassidy. - Guys. Guys...

- Cassidy, Cassidy, Cassidy. - You know what? Screw this.

And screw you, Nick.

I've always liked Joe's solo music better than yours anyway.

- Oh. - Yeah. You boys are done.

- Uh, no. - You're on your own.

- I'm sorry, man. But... - Gene.

I'm going back to my woman.

- Dude, come on. Please. - No. I'm gonna find my woman.

Dude.

Wow. Way to go, Nick.

Thanks for telling the one guy who knows how to survive out here

that we don't wanna camp with him.

Another phenomenal unilateral decision.

Okay. You can't suddenly be mad at me for making a decision

when you literally lean on me

for everything.

Do you think I like being the uptight, responsible one?

No, I don't. But I have to so that I can take care of you two.

That is such BS.

You love to be in control.

You get off on feeling like you're better than everybody.

Which is probably why you make fun of my personal life so much.

- What? - Actually, you do do that, Nick.

I've been meaning to talk to you about it.

You do it too. Always joking about how I'm some vapid womanizer.

You know, that makes me feel like I'll never find a real relationship again.

Which is probably why I didn't tell you

that I bumped into Lucy again in Amsterdam.

Yeah. And I feel like there's something there, but I'm terrified to go for it.

Because maybe I'm just this shallow idiot my brothers say I am.

I wanna sing.

- Right now? - No.

Lead vocals in a song.

I've been trying to tell you guys for days,

but you guys are such narcissists you didn't even see me.

Okay, don't blame your inability to tell us what you want on us.

If you wanna sing, of course you can sing.

Oh, yeah, great. Another unilateral decision, Nick. Great.

Okay, so you don't want him to sing?

I just would like to be consulted on it first.

Okay, I thought I could last six more months with you guys.

But I can't even last six seconds.

Me either. I'll find my own way home to my girls.

- Yeah, me too. - Yeah, me too.

I'll find my own way home to mine.

None of us have sons.

Do you think that's genetic?

It's gotta be genetic.

I blame Dad.

We just walked in a circle, didn't we?

Yeah.

What was that?

Gene?

Is that you?

Here to light us a fire and cook us dinner I bet.

Nick's sorry.

- Oh. - Not Gene.

Okay. It's just one of him and three of us. Right?

I saw this on Bear Grylls once,

- you just gotta be really loud. - No, no, dude, it's quiet.

- No, it's loud. - No, it's quiet.

Bears are... Bears are quiet.

No, no, guys, there's not just one. Okay? Because wolves travel in packs.

Because why would you ever travel alone

if you could travel with your wolf brothers?

What?

- Which one is it? Quiet or loud? - I think it's loud.

- I have to apologize. - It's loud.

- So which one is it? - Louder. Loud.

Okay, I'm sorry for being so uptight all the time.

And I'm sorry that I didn't tell you about extending the tour.

I'm sorry we take you for granted. Sorry I made you feel like a joke, Joe.

- Lucy would've been lucky to have you. - Louder.

Well, I'm sorry that we never got to hear you sing, Kevin.

I'm sure your voice is pretty okay.

- Thank you! - Move closer. Watch out.

Just start screaming.

- Get away! - Go home!

That's not working.

I don't think we're gonna make it.

All right. One last huddle.

Every moment matters.

Every feeling matters.

Every brother matters.

I love you, guys.

- I love you. - Love you.

What just happened?

- They're gone. - It's a Christmas miracle.

Thank you, Santa!

Oh, my God.

- The wolves are back. Oh, no. - Oh, God.

Whoa.

Oh, my God.

- Oh, my God. - Brad.

- Good to see you. - Thank goodness you're safe.

- Okay. - How did you find us?

Oh. Your plane crash was all over the news.

I-I was circling the area looking for you, but it was so dark out.

But then I saw this big flash of lightning that lit up the whole forest

and I saw my grown men.

No. No, no, you were right, Brad.

- We're your boys. We're just your boys. - Yeah. Uh-huh.

- Oh. - What about your vow renewal?

- Did we make you miss it? - Oh, no, I went through the vows.

And Marie gets it. She's the greatest.

Also, I, uh, told her you guys would pay for a sick vow renewal honeymoon in Bali.

- Yeah. Of course, yeah. - Yeah. Sure.

How sick we talking?

- The rescue chopper's coming. - Amazing.

Oh, also, you should probably call your families.

They think you're dead.

- Yeah. - Please.

Nice.

Okay, well, hopefully Priyanka is so happy I'm alive

she won't mind the change of plans.

Change of plans?

Yeah, that we're all doing Christmas at Kevin's house together.

Wait, this should be a trilateral decision.

Yes.

- Dani's gonna love it. - All right.

Finally, gonna make it home for Christmas.

- Oh, my God, stop saying that. - Shut up.

Hey, Brad, why the dogs?

I'm a semi-pro dog sledder. I did the Iditarod.

I told you this like a million times.

- Oh, yeah. Of course. Duh. - Yeah.

- Told you we'd make it home for Christmas. - All right. Let's go.

Oof.

Merry Christmas.

- You're here! - Oh, my God.

You made it.

- Hi, Dad. - You survived.

I was so worried about you.

- Hi. - Hello, beautiful.

- Hi. Merry Christmas. - So good to see you.

- You made it. - Of course.

I wouldn't miss it for the world. It's Christmas.

- Düsseldorf? - Yeah.

I somehow pegged you as a Berlin kind of gal.

- Oh, really? - Yeah.

Yeah?

Did Santa bring you everything you want?

Yeah?

And then Nick was like, "I can smell the Christmas lady's car."

And then "the mayo's everywhere," and the s... "And the fries!"

- And it was just... - Okay. All right.

- It did not happen like that. - Mmm.

It did.

I'll get it.

Who's that?

Uh, we may have reached out to someone on your behalf.

Oh, hi.

Welcome back.

Thanks.

What's my old babysitter doing here?

Hi.

Hi.

So, uh, let's hear it then.

Uh, hear what?

Your brothers said that you had a big speech that you wanted to give me

because you felt bad about how you left things in Amsterdam,

and I'm realizing now that probably isn't...

Thanks, guys. And thank you for the Uber Black.

- It's very classy. - No problem.

Yeah, there's a big speech.

- So? - Lucy...

Shh.

When I ran into you on that train,

it was the most exciting thing that happened to me all year.

And I've done some pretty cool things.

I've played hundreds of stadium shows,

and survived a wolf attack,

and I'm pretty sure we met Santa Claus.

- Okay. - And then we, um...

- Yep... - Keep going.

And then I was in a plane crash...

- What? - ...with this beautiful man.

He took his shirt off. He's very handsome.

- Look... - What are you doing?

- I'm calling her a car. - Oh.

What I'm trying to say is Amsterdam was so incredible with you.

- You're incredible, and you're brave... - Right.

...and you're funny.

And you jump into freezing water, which is really brave.

I said... Keep saying brave.

God. Um...

It's just like the end of Love Actually, only horrible.

Look, I... I should've...

I should've jumped at the opportunity

to hang out with you when I got back to the city,

but I choked.

But to be honest, I was terrified of falling for you

and then it blowing up in my face.

But that is a risk I'm willing to take

'cause I feel like we could be each other's old sweaters and brand new shoes.

- What the hell does that mean? - I don't know, but it's super corny.

Maybe not.

I know this might be, um, moving really fast,

but do you wanna spend Christmas with my entire family?

Yeah.

- Hey, guys. - Hi.

Cassidy, I love you!

Gene?

One, two, three!

- Did you like it? - Yeah.

And so, the Jonas Brothers tour contin--

Ooh.

Oh. Oasis needs me.

If my kids fell off a boat, and you guys fell off a boat,

I would save you over my children. I just want you to know.

Hey, fam, sorry my eyes look a little red. I've been crying.

By now, you've probably seen the video of me and an old friend of mine, Nick Jonas.

And I-I see what you're seeing, folks.

It looks like I'm being really mean to him.

I just wanna say het spijt me,

uh, which translates directly to, "it regrets me" from Dutch.

And, uh, to prove that,

I'm gonna be making a Christmas donation of 5,000 euros to Amsterdam.

I'll be back soon.

Nick Jonas...

Hey!

Kevin, you're up!