Original subtitles

I guess you must be still in bed.

Sorry I was asleep last night when you came in.

Listen, send me a text about when we'll be good next week for Christmas shopping

and I'll book a couple of hours off.

Need a hand with that?

Tell me again, why can't we have a kettle?

Facilities can't figure out any maintenance codes. The cleaners are

having to wash everyone's mugs. And do you remember Julio punching Rohan for

stealing his milk?

Rohan's been off with stress ever since.

I'm going to buy one and put it in my office.

Can't do that.

How am I supposed to work without coffee?

Let me.

How do you take it?

From a kettle.

Really, Diane?

Black's no sugar.

Oh, and I'll be up with Jolene after her basic induction.

Jolene? Yeah. I'm your graduate trainee. I emailed you.

No doubt. I got lost on the last month's HR email, Avalanche.

Really, Diane, I understand how difficult it is when you're in the

I've been on a menopausal awareness course.

If there's anything I can help with, let me know.

Can I help? are caused by the idiots I work with, not my biology.

Oh, and do you remember our meeting next week? It is important.

Good morning.

Good morning, Diane.

Morning. The mayor's already been in about this year's Christmas party photo

And the laptop's en route for the new trainee.

Jolene.

Jolene.

Ridiculous name.

from the tree.

Oh, but I must.

Health and safety.

You're so right.

What? Christmas is so good for our mental health and emotional safety.

It's the season of comfort and joy.

Isn't it wonderful?

Welcome, Jolene, to the accounting hub of our fair borough.

I'm Gerry, and I'll be your host.

Here, let me.

Thank you.

This is Yank.

And Barney.

So sorry I'm late.

Long story about Molly's nativity play at Anderholm.

Oh, is she playing?

And you are?

Jolene, the new trainee, remember?

I don't train new people up so they can take my job.

Remember?

Oh, I wouldn't... Nobody leave worry.

That's Daisy.

Why don't we start off by familiarising ourselves with the council website?

Get to know the services we provide.

Absolutely. Hit me with it.

There might be something for you to do on the Christmas review.

It's on the agenda.

I'm so going to love this job.

Thank you.

I'm so sorry.

Molly's dad's getting married.

No.

Can't buy his daughter a Christmas present, but he can take his new wife to

Lapland on Sunday.

Christmas sucks.

Did I tell you I got pregnant on Christmas Eve?

Last Christmas.

George Michael has a lot to answer for.

All I wanted was to dance with a nice man, and look what I've ended up.

We should have done sex.

Make it kissing only.

Are you doing over?

She can't waste any more time.

Maybe I'm reading him wrong.

You'd be dumb.

Best face it.

I'm destined to be alone under the mistletoe.

Snap.

Another Christmas dinner for one.

Pining away for the love of my life.

Double snap.

Hey, look.

He's there.

Could be.

I just saw a flash of a red scarf.

But I...

Another late one?

Baz's birthday.

Went out with the cast.

Stopped him getting hammered.

And did you stop him?

No.

He's a raging alcoholic.

And the best pantomime dame in the country.

We took him home in a taxi.

We?

Me and Amy.

My assistant director.

They can't all be unavailable.

What can't? I hate criminals.

Three minutes after midnight and all the delivery slots have been taken.

What's so funny?

You.

Sometimes.

When you're collecting Chloe.

You do know that this is my busiest time of year. So it seems.

I'm going to bed.

I'm knackered.

Okay. Item three.

Christmas. Yang, I'd like your recommendations for next year's

More radical cutbacks?

No, you can't. I can and will do whatever it takes to maintain fiscal

responsibility. Not everyone cares for Christmas, you know.

It's not obligatory.

Stacey and Yang, I want photographs of what this year's money has bought.

That's your next assignment.

Because I'll need ammunition if we're to stop them cancelling next year's

Christmas.

Cancelling Christmas?

Okay, done.

Is that it?

Excuse me, but is there not something you do all together?

We stopped the Christmas present fiasco over three years ago.

Like Secret Santa?

I've never been a fan. Not when you do it the normal way.

Okay, Jolene, share it with the group.

Thank you.

Why is Christmas truly special?

Besides the Christmas tree, of course, and the Christmas dinner and the

Christmas presents on the Christmas movies. Move it along, please. Sorry,

of course.

The real meaning of Christmas is...

Can I get back to my filing? Doing something for another human being and

touching them inside.

And so?

And so I've invented the Secret Santa Project.

The Secret Santa Project.

You'll love it. It's pure Christmas.

All right, you've got 30 seconds, Jolene. One name per card.

15 seconds. What would be your perfect present?

Oh, God, it turns back time.

No miracles.

Sorry.

The perfect present is not an object at all.

It's having somebody do something really thoughtful, really kind, really

special, just for you.

This is an accounts office, not the Samaritans.

How hard can it be to do one simple thing for a person? For Christmas.

just takes a little thought.

Shall we head over to the park?

They might have more decorations.

They don't. Not compared to the West End.

I haven't been there in years.

Can't risk Molly discovering Hamleys.

Why don't we go now?

Wouldn't that be funky?

No, we'd be evident gathering.

The day to inform the prison -making.

Yeah.

Yes, we would.

Let's go.

What have you got to say?

Look.

Isn't it lovely?

Yeah. Any flowers for your girlfriend?

Oh, I'm not his girlfriend.

No, we're not romantically involved.

Not at all.

I hope that's clear.

Yeah, that's really clear.

Hey, I got them anyway.

Look, red means good fortune.

That's so sweet.

Well, maybe I'll be lucky this Christmas, get out and have them from

seven -year -old attached to me.

Listen, if you ever did want to do something... Yeah?

I can always babysit.

I look after my nieces and nephews all the time, so it's no trouble.

Well, actually... Oh, no.

No, no, it's all right. I mean it. I'd be happy to help.

Are you sure?

Because there is this guy called Will.

I've seen him at school, babe.

Single mum, single dad.

What are you waiting for?

Thank you so much.

I'm going on a date.

I'm going to text him.

Good day.

Oh, excellent.

I managed to finish writing all my Christmas cards.

Thankfully, a lot of my accordions have died and my list is full.

Every cloud, eh, Carol?

Every cloud.

And what about...

What do they want?

Oh, come on, Sherry. You know I'm dying to hear all about the hot guy in the

coffee shop.

Oh, him.

Well?

Is he coming to the Carol concert?

There's no point.

He's not going to come.

Well, he's not going to come if you don't invite him.

I'm sure he just wants to be friends.

How many straight men meet for coffee in a chat?

Hmm. Let us kneel.

Dear Lord, please deliver unto our dear brother Jerry the love of his life.

May he come forth with love and kindness and accept Jerry's invitation

graciously. And we promise to kick the butt out of him. Come, all ye faithful,

if you can break this miracle to part.

And we'll even do our best with ding -dong memory on high.

Arguably the worst carol of all time.

Amen to that.

Amen.

Where are you?

It's half past and you said that you'd be here.

We've had this all arranged, Leon, and it isn't fair.

I've done all the shopping on my own again, as usual. My feet are killing me

I'm absolutely desperate for a coffee.

I'm coming over now.

Covent Garden, please.

I'm Leon's wife.

Quite well, perhaps, but you're no lady.

Well, at least I don't confuse dressing up with having talent. If we close on

the first night, it'll be your fault.

Lost, are we?

Actually, no.

I'm just looking.

Hmm, that's what they all say.

Any idea where I can find Leon?

Oh, he's probably downstairs with Snow White or that Amy. It's normally one of

the two.

You were third runner -up four series ago. Nobody remembers.

Good news is he's sober. Bad news is he's in a foul mood.

Can I help you?

I doubt it.

You must be Amy.

Yes, and you are?

Leon's wife.

Lovely to meet you.

He's... Working with Snow White. Did you want to wait? I can show you somewhere

more comfortable.

I'll be fine.

OK, then.

Everything's going to be all right, I promise.

Hello. Hi, darling.

Shelley, this is Diane, my wife.

Diane. This is Shelley.

How do you do?

I know the feeling.

It's an early rehearsal. I was awful.

Don't be silly.

You remember rehearsals.

I think hard enough.

I'm not even a singer. I don't even know why I'm here.

You're doing a great job.

She's doing really well.

If Leon casts you, it means you're more than good enough.

See? Trust me.

Hmm. That's what you said to me many moons ago.

You were on stage.

I used to be.

Diane's got a proper job now.

I just can't get my breathe in on the big number.

She keeps changing her choices.

I know the temptation.

Try again.

Losing myself in love Hoping to feel by dreaming

it's real in love Why don't you think

it, Diane?

You're doing really well.

Now, you're breathing here, yeah? Mm -hm. Well, why not try waiting until

then breathe?

Finding myself by losing myself in love.

Hoping to feel by dreaming it's really love.

Hi.

I bet you were really good.

Did you enjoy singing?

It's the love of my life.

Did a herd of unicorns throw up on the ceiling?

Isn't it wonderful?

Christmas biscuits, anyone?

Everyone, can I have your attention, please? Kevin has an announcement to

Really, Diane, it's not HR's job to brief your team.

I don't deliver decisions I haven't been party to making.

Well, according to the... Don't tease and seize me.

And don't even think about mentioning efficiencies or increased productivity.

OK.

Kevin has an announcement.

Diane has been asked... Told.

...to lose one person from this department.

It's me, isn't it?

Well, I'm a single parent who needs flexible hours.

Well, what happened to last one in, first one out? That seems fair to me.

Oh, no.

That's me.

Look, Jolene, life isn't fair. The world of work isn't fair.

Many times in your working life, people will force you to do things that

undermine the very reasons you were hired. You will not be congratulated on

humongous achievement, but punished and chastised for the smallest of errors.

As you get older, your acquired skills and experience will not be valued, but

instead you'll be sidelined to make room for others, younger and cheaper, who

will insist on making all the mistakes you've already learned from.

You will be expected to put work before illness and major life events, including

watching your child in their one and only nativity.

You will be required to miss making lifetime memories to attend unnecessary

meetings over which you have zero influence.

So no, Jolene, the world of work is not fair.

In HR, we do everything we can.

I understand.

Should I... Pack up my desk now or wait till the new year?

Neither, Jolene. Council training costs come under a separate budget.

So I can stay.

But that means there's definitely going to be me. Now, everybody, please, during

these challenging times, do take advantage of our new HR counselling

Oh, get stuffed, Kevin.

The mayor said he couldn't wait.

Oh, don't tell me he wants another nonsense children's party as if she's

-serving photo op.

And you said one of your team could help.

Seriously? After today's news?

I can do it.

Please, let me.

Monday morning, 10am.

Make sure you tell him there's no money.

My wife made that?

I'm so sorry.

Well, so talented.

Love to try that one day.

I just want to apologize again.

When did I walk with you?

Ready for Christmas?

I'm nearly there.

I've been doing a lot of crocheting.

Maybe a lot to buy for.

No. Why are you following me?

You might own some company on your way home.

I don't.

Did you know this park opened more than 250 years ago?

With tightrope walkers and fireworks.

Then it got really popular with hot air ballooners. Isn't that cool?

No.

Guess you're not a fan of history.

It's a mixed bag.

Tell me more.

This is where I met my wife on our first date.

August bank holiday.

I bought her an ice cream from McKeels.

Over there.

She was wearing a yellow dress.

Every Christmas, we'd go ice skating and then have a drink at the Nelson,

followed by fish and chips.

We'd finish up with carols at midnight.

Sounds wonderful.

It was.

a loving memory of Linda Callow here where good times happened.

I'm so sorry.

So am I.

Christmas must hold some very special memories.

It does not.

She went into hospital on the 5th of December and she died.

On Christmas Eve.

The answer?

COVID.

And they wouldn't let me see her.

And she needed me more than ever.

She died alone.

And they wouldn't even let me say goodbye to her.

Christmas isn't a holiday.

It's a nightmare.

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to make you upset.

Well, you did.

You and your stupid secret Santa project.

You won't last five minutes at work.

Oh, bright -eyed and bushy -tailed, but you've no resilience.

You have no stamina.

You just don't have it.

Hi. I'm going to have to call Will and cancel.

Oh, well, that's a shame.

Because I'd be looking forward to singing some songs together.

Where's your ukulele?

Do you know anything about donkeys?

Um...

think so.

I'm going to go now, Molly.

Okay, but don't you dare let Isaac's dad kiss you.

You be good for young.

Kissing is gross.

All slippery and slobbery.

Do you want to kiss my mummy?

No, I want to write a song about donkeys with you.

Now? Now.

Come.

Who are you?

A council trainee.

Diane's team.

About the children's party.

Tell me, what's your vision?

My face.

On the front page of the Gazette.

Surrounded by the little tykes, looking like I've made their Christmas.

I see.

So, as long as the newspaper coverage is good, it doesn't have to be an actual

party party?

Exactly. Might I make a suggestion?

I'd forgotten what it was like.

Mm -hmm.

I love the sound of that.

I can't wait, Will.

Just on the phone to me, Ed.

Sorry.

You told the mayor he could have a trip with a load of children, accompanied by

Father Christmas and some elves. He loved the idea of following Santa's

from the brightest star through the sky over the rooftops of London to...

What?

There is no F in money. But everyone's going to do it for free. It's for

children, for Christmas.

Remember the spirit of our secret Santa project?

Doing something for others.

We can ask Daisy to bring Molly's class.

Brilliant. I might be able to lay my hands on a few elves, maybe.

Awesome.

The boat pods will never agree.

Let's see if Jolene can persuade them.

You definitely woke up on the right side of the bed this morning. What's up?

Chloe's back tomorrow.

Oh, the glow of the family house.

I envy you. Steady on there, Joe.

But you're sorted.

All I have is dreams that never come true.

Oh, what's the matter, Jerry? Man trouble again?

Well, there's this guy and... Playing hard to get.

Very. And?

And we meet most days after work.

For sex?

For coffee.

In a coffee shop?

Mm -hm.

Nothing's happened.

We just talk.

Mm -hm.

He hasn't asked me out, but I think he will. Well, I'm sure he will.

I hope he will.

Actually, I don't think he's ever going to ask me.

But whatever, he's most definitely... He's definitely what?

The love of my life.

Really?

For sure.

I'm sorry about that, Gerry.

What does that mean?

It's always the love of your life you have to let go of, isn't it? Apart of

growing up.

I am growing up. Well, maybe. Don't worry about it. You'll get over it. We

do. I don't want to get over it. Over him.

Then do something about it.

I'm frightened.

What if he says no?

What if he doesn't feel the same?

What if he's already having an affair with someone?

Well, wouldn't it be better to know rather than not know?

I'm not sure.

Admit it, Ferry, this isn't about him. This is about you.

Meaning?

Well, you need to be brave.

You need to reach out for what you really want and face whatever happens.

Otherwise, all you'll be left with is a memory of what might have been, of

someone you could have been but never will be.

And if this really is the love of your life, then what have you got to lose?

I went on a date.

Do you know how many years it's been?

I take it that's a rhetorical question.

Oh, you should have seen the restaurant. No high chairs, no kids' menus, no

colouring sheets.

And they had table hats and candles.

I'd forgotten that such things even existed.

You've been a long time in the wilderness.

I'm proper grown -up, Jack. Who will? He's got a great job in the city. He

travels. He told me all about his marriage breakdown and how difficult his

-wife has been.

Did he ask you about you?

What?

Nothing.

Did he pick up the tab? Yeah, absolutely.

And I'm going to pay him back with Monday lunch.

And once he's tasted my gravy, I'm telling you, he's mine.

I want to hear about the gravy on Monday morning. Oh, trust me, you will.

It's a dream come true.

I'm just going to grab an eggnog. See you next week.

Why, you sweetheart.

Mum, this is Bertie.

Oh, your special stew.

What else?

Well, um... I'm a vegetarian.

Of course you are.

Sorry we're late.

Traffic.

Bertie's parents live in Derbyshire.

He's going to get the train in a couple of days, but Dad said he can stay here

till then.

Then he must.

Didn't I tell you Mum was wonderful?

Sweet.

Bertie's family own a big pile in the Peaks.

All open fires and haunted rooms.

They've invited me for Christmas.

Oh. Well, from next week till Boxing Day, we'll do our Christmas when I get

back.

That'd be marvellous. Oh,

damn.

Amy, Baz is on the warpath again.

Dad's a pantomime dame whisperer.

Sorry, love.

Bertie, you take my place.

What about that thing?

What thing?

You know, that thing.

In your room.

Oh.

That thing.

Yeah, cool.

Um, I'm just going to show Bertie the, um... Thing?

Exactly.

He sent me a candle emoji.

That's a euphemism.

Like an aubergine.

Could mean that he's holding a candle for me. Oh, it could mean that he's

actually here at the concert.

He's coming.

He's coming. He's coming. He's coming. He's coming. He's coming to church to

you. And look at you all in white. Oh, it's so romantic.

Showtime. OK.

Our prayers have been answered.

Let us go.

Eleven o 'clock.

Well, he could whip out my eggnog any time.

Probably not your drink of choice.

Not for a first date.

Sorry.

I didn't mean to... What I'm trying to say is... I'm not suggesting that we...

Shall we take a pew?

I've always wanted to hear that in church.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

Why is it that the truly important things can't be said?

It's only sung.

It's a wonderful choir.

And you have a beautiful voice.

Thank you.

I'm glad I came tonight.

Oh, God.

There's a book coming, isn't there?

And I wish with all my heart that this was our first date. I really do.

But... And you don't need me to tell you how much I love our chats.

But... But... That three book for me.

One for you.

I warn you, I'm winning.

But... I need to sort myself

out.

I'm all over the place.

Is all over the place better or worse than being in a difficult place?

Better and worse.

Better how?

I think I love two people.

What?

I love two people.

I didn't mean to lead you on.

But... I...

I'm sorry I got you caught up in this mess.

They want the Merry Christmas, huh?

What are you doing sitting in the dark?

Perhaps that's where I've always been.

Sorry I'm late.

Work, you know.

No, I don't know.

You're always there when your dame has a panic attack or an elf is struggling

with their motivation.

Huddled and whispering with Amy over Snow White's every note.

But you can't be there with your family on your daughter's first night back from

her first term away.

I'm sorry, Diane.

And then you tell Chloe she should spend Christmas in Derbyshire.

She wanted to go. I thought that... Thoughts? When was the last time you

about us?

About me?

I show you all these Christmas presents I've bought for your family and you

couldn't care less.

No thank you, no nothing.

You like Christmas shopping.

I hate it! Everybody does.

All I do is facilitate your life.

Remind me, when did I actually choose to sacrifice everything so you could

pursue your dream?

That's not what happened.

I'm so jealous!

Can't you see it?

I'm jealous that... every day. You go to work to a job you love every single

day.

I know.

I'm very lucky.

What do I do? What am I?

You're loved.

But...

your chance to tell me.

What?

This is your cue at last.

Nothing to tell.

Nothing.

Don't stop now, Leon. This is the most honest conversation we've had in

Well?

I'm sorry I ruined your life.

And I'm trying to work out a way to make it better.

Given... Given what?

I've had feelings for someone.

Had?

I have feelings for someone.

You're having an affair.

No.

Nothing's happened.

Nothing's going to happen.

So is that where you were tonight, telling someone you can't have an affair

them?

Yes.

I made it clear that we couldn't see each other again.

I want to do the right thing.

You and me. Is this the right thing?

I'm cancelling Christmas.

Please, Noel.

Yes? If I can prove that money is being wasted on decorations, then there'll be

cash left over to pay for everyone in this room.

I refuse to be bad Santa and fire one of you.

There must be another way.

Final costs are in, yeah?

Yeah. Year -on -year comparison.

Uh, Joan.

Right, now it's all down to return on investment.

One thing to know what Christmas costs, quite another to know if it's worth it.

But you can't put a value on Christmas.

That's exactly what I'm going to do. And let's hope it turns out to be

worthless.

That way, the money saved on unwanted decorations can be spent on keeping

everyone employed.

I think it's a good idea.

Thank you, Jerry. Where would I be without my right -hand man?

I see, but how are you going to prove that the Christmas decorations aren't

worth anything?

I'm not. You are.

And the people whose money we spend.

Let the right payers speak.

No, please.

Not street questionnaires.

Absolutely. I want results on my desk by the end of the week.

Yes. Just checking.

This doesn't mean we're cancelling the Secret Santa project.

Experience Santa's sleigh ride view of London.

Share his magical journey over the city.

And?

And by giving these children an exclusive preview trip, you get the PR

to launch a new product.

Let me make sure that I understand.

You want two pods gratis at the most lucrative time of the year when I'm

business champagne and truffle packages for three times the going rate.

Well... And you're offering me free publicity for a new idea that I will

develop.

In the form of a photo on the front page of the Gazette of a bunch of screaming

kids, mobbing our very own corrupt mayor.

Well, is that right?

I couldn't have put it better myself.

Jolene?

Merry Christmas.

I noticed the annual renewal of your licence. June, March.

I'm sure your refusal won't affect the good relations requirement.

Two pots.

6 .30.

Late comers will be refused.

You're a brilliant basic negotiating strategy, Jolene.

When you want something from someone, research what's actually in it for them,

don't just guess.

Right, let's go bug some elves. No way. Yes way.

This way.

Hi, Andy.

Hiya. Thanks.

Finding myself, losing myself in love.

Stop! Stop!

Stop!

Sorry for the interruption, but we are in desperate need of some elves.

For the mirrors party?

There'll be front page photos of you all.

Great for post -Christmas. Pick a sale.

I'll do it. Me too!

Great. Thank you so much. If you liaise with Jolene, she has all the details.

Diane?

You were really great the other day. I really need your help, please.

We need to get back to the office.

Shelley, she doesn't sing anymore.

Shall we find out?

By losing myself.

Molly must stop singing the donkey song in radicals.

Yang says it's good to practice.

The nativity play is days away.

The song isn't even in the show.

It's not.

We'll know there's too many.

But none of them are as good as donkey love.

Is that true?

Too many songs. Too many solos.

And me gets a solo because he impresses the parents.

Eva gets a solo because her mum's the governor.

That's simply not true. There's no room.

What about at the end?

Like an encore?

Promise me you will not sing it again before then.

I promise.

Thank you.

That's good, isn't it? Hey.

Will!

Molly, how about you go find Isaac?

I'm still thinking about your gravy.

I thought you'd like it.

Not here.

How about the Tower of London?

What? Our firm's having a Christmas bash.

Wow. Mm -hmm.

Black tie.

You in a tuxedo.

And you in a posh frock.

So, do you have a red carpet job,

or...? Just call me Cinderella.

I've used the licorice scale from one to five, with one being... Two being

bonkers. Two being not as bad as last year's rubbish.

Gentlemen, please.

What do you think about Christmas decorations?

What decorations?

Forget the Christmas tree light, just pick the pothole.

Could you tell us where the potholes are?

Toilets, that's what we need.

Take your decorations and shove them.

Just a few questions about Christmas decorations.

We're here and we're all ears.

So, what's your favourite decoration?

You see that one over there?

Yeah.

That deserves a Christmas coffee.

My treat.

87 % think the high street decorations are poor value for money.

92 % say the lights aren't worth the electricity.

Great. Mission accomplished.

Nobody gets fired.

Why is it that some problems can be solved at a time?

Does this problem know how you feel?

What?

Does this woman know how much she means to you?

Of course not.

But I haven't got a chance.

I'm not her type.

And her type is?

Probably tall, handsome, great job, rich, cool, well -dressed.

You know, Yang, sometimes you can be all those things and

not get the person you love.

Hopeless.

I think you're right.

The ROI for our Christmas expenditure is minus 30%. Your point being? We're in a

negative Christmas situation.

I therefore suggest that next year's festive finances are deployed elsewhere.

Not a chance. Christmas Day, one of your team goes.

And it's your choice.

Do you know coffee can kickstart hot flushes? I'll kickstart you.

So, who's getting the job?

I nominate you.

Kids coming, tech.

Teachers permission, tech. Thank you, Stacey.

London trip permission, tech. Thanks to the genius that is Diane.

And Al's... Check. Thank you again to the genius that is Diane and the

cell.

Now, about Santa Claus.

It's about helping children make unforgettable memories.

Go on, Min. Thank you, Barney.

And finally, helpers on the night.

I can come.

Choir practice will be over by then.

And my dance card is empty.

You're in a choir?

Excellent. Notice for next year.

If I'm still here?

No decision has been made yet.

So, where are we on your secret Santa, Jolene?

I'll tip -shape for the last day in the office. But if anyone has an act of

kindness they would like to give now, they'll be shy.

Oh, and don't worry if yours is for me.

I've already had the best Christmas present ever.

Tower of London, Christmas ball with the man of my dreams.

Wow.

I'm so jealous.

Need to get a dress.

Oh, I've got dresses. I could help.

Since Chloe's vanished, I'm twiddling my thumbs.

You don't have to.

That would be great.

And as your official Secret Santa?

May I have the pleasure of presenting you with babysitting services?

Oh, thanks.

And Molly has insisted that you come to the school nativity play.

She's going to be singing the donkey song.

I'd love to.

Yay.

Does that mean you'll both be wanting the afternoon off?

That's all right.

Great.

Oh, and you can meet Will.

Play.

of Christmas to life.

Oh, no, no, wait.

I have one more final treat for you. Molly?

An appalling spectacle.

Not as appalling as that stupid song.

At this school, we teach reading, writing and arithmetic.

And how to act respectfully and responsibly. And we do that by direct

instruction and by modelling exemplary behaviour. Do you understand?

I want to hear an apology from both of you.

Miss Bentley, come in, please.

I'm so sorry, Molly. I shouldn't have interrupted your song.

And it was totally wrong of me to fight with Isaac's father.

Did you attack him because he kissed Mummy?

Bad enough being a single parent at the school gate, and now this?

I apologise to you too.

That was the best nativity play ever!

You're not still hanging around that coffee shop.

Moron.

Look, I'm just calling it as I see it.

The only really true friend is the one who tells you the truth.

You're no true friend.

Or truth, friend.

You're the killer of all joy and hope. I'm your guardian angel.

I'm trying to stop you getting your heart broken by time -wasting teeth.

Excuse me.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I thought you might have given up on me.

Should I?

After I left the Kara concert, I cried all the way home.

On the picket of your life?

That's a long life.

How many stops?

Twelve.

Maybe thirteen.

A hen party got on.

They invited me to go with him to see Magic Mike at the Hippodrome, but I

couldn't face it.

They had a spare ticket.

Crystal from Epping couldn't make it because she'd already passed out after

bottomless brunch.

Poor Crystal.

I told them about you.

And?

They said I should go back, get on my knees and beg you to go out with me.

And you said?

I said, I can't, I'm married.

You've had enough of your husband.

Wife.

Wife.

We've been married for 21 years.

21 years?

You think you can just tangle me on a string?

No, you don't understand.

Oh.

Yes, I do.

Wait.

Let me guess.

We're living separate lives.

And we don't make each other happy anymore.

Your point is?

I want to do the right thing.

I can't help you with that.

Gerry, please.

Walking out of that church without you was the hardest thing I've ever done.

I used to do Chloe's hair and make -up. Now she won't let me anywhere near her.

Really? Well, I think the boyfriend's make -up box is better than mine.

Maybe he's the one.

Maybe.

I'm not exactly looking forward to Christmas Day.

I can't imagine Molly being 18.

I thought the things happen that you can't imagine until they do.

Brilliant.

Ta -da!

Red carpet?

Hmm, or maybe red light district.

Maybe try the silk one.

Young! Molly!

Good, you brought your guitar.

I did.

I know what we're going to do this Easter.

This Easter?

Bunny love!

Doesn't she look wonderful?

Sure as death.

Thank you.

Oh, my carriage awaits.

Bye, baby.

Thank you.

Have a brilliant time. Thank you, Diane.

When I grow up, will I have to find a man that loves me because I'm beautiful?

No, you won't. That's just a fairy tale claptrap.

fairy godmother.

Why?

Because you let Hallie work, Hallie, so she can look after me.

I can't wait to see the Queen's house.

Henry VIII built it for Anne Boleyn. It sounds romantic, but it's actually where

she spent her last night.

What do you mean, last night?

Before he beheaded her.

Oh, was she sleeping around?

Not as much as he did.

Oh, and we'll be able to see the traitors' gate, because that's where

the dead bodies and put them onto the boat.

What are you doing?

What?

Oh, don't worry about that.

Let's go.

Yeah.

Oi, Jack. Oi.

Oi, oi.

You too.

Hey, man.

Don't you go drinking my shot of champagne.

Your shot? Yes.

This is... This is Stacey. Hello there.

Stacey is...

The mum of one of Isaac's friends.

Hello. Hey. And this is Bianca.

She's an underwear model.

Well, let the drinking begin.

Let's go.

I only did it once.

Keeping my bio works like a dream.

I can imagine.

Don't... actually tell anyone, but the underwear was thermal.

Yeah.

Oh, hi, babe.

Sorry. Excuse me.

I think you should start singing.

You've got a hotel name. I'm sending that one down the road.

Been with Will Long?

I know curiosity kills the cat, but I'm hoping to have nine lives.

Oh, no, it's not a problem.

I'm Carol, by the way. I think Christmas.

Stacey. Don't tell me.

Single mum?

Friend of Isaac?

How did he know?

Oh, lucky guess.

No, uh, no, no, but I wouldn't...

Think of her as your guardian angel.

She's come to save you from the relationship with hell.

What? You know, the one where Will uses you as a surrogate mother for his son

and a domestic skivvy for himself while he runs around town like a single man.

You find out. He begs your forgiveness.

You forgive him and then the whole thing starts all over again.

Only this time it's worse because you're in denial.

And blah, blah.

Hey, Stace.

She's from our mansion. Guardian angel.

Stace, this is Rachel. She's from the Manchester office.

Hi.

Did you see that there's karaoke today afternoon? Karaoke?

You need to see me. I do an amazing Gangsters Paralyzed. An amazingly awful

impression. Remember Copenhagen?

Copenhagen. We don't speak about Copenhagen. Oh, where are you going?

Something's wrong.

Sorry, Stace.

She says I haven't seen Rachel for six months.

It's OK.

Not a problem.

She's not on our table, though, for the mail I've already checked.

Really?

Even if she is, really, I don't mind.

Oh.

I love you.

You're just so, like, forgiving.

You know?

Stacey, remind me.

What actually happened at the nativity punch -up?

Oh, yeah, I've told Carol about your maniac babysitter.

What's your name?

Yang, not a maniac.

Ying Yang.

Listen, he had a go at me for making fun of some little girl

singing a stupid song. Wait, some kid?

You mean Molly, my daughter?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You should have told me.

I knocked his last one. Hang on, you were actually laughing at Molly?

Yeah. Well, she was ridiculous, wasn't she?

Ridiculous? Yeah, because she was singing this song.

What was the song?

Uh, donkey love. Donkey.

How'd it go? Donkey love is the best kind of love. Donkey love is the...

That's for Molly and Yang.

And that is for every mum at the school gate.

Stick to the young and shallow, Will.

They've still got enough time to be messed around by somebody who just isn't

worth it.

Ah.

I need a decision.

Perhaps men find it easier to ruin someone else's Christmas.

Men have sleepless nights too, you know, even if they don't have your kind of

night sweats.

I'm just being empathetic.

Well, don't.

Anyway, what keeps you awake at night?

Fantasy football.

Especially before a big weekend.

You are kidding!

I'm top of the league, but the leadership can slip through your fingers

like that.

Well, you'll have your new structure tomorrow.

For now, I need to go and support my team at the mayor's annual time waster.

Oh, send me a picture. It's for the internal newsletter.

Shall I include the person being made redundant?

That's entirely up to you.

It closes in two minutes.

Closes when I say it does. The children are around the corner. The elves are

just coming out of the underground.

Ahoy!

Please, baby Jesus, let there be elves.

No animals are allowed.

What do you mean?

Well, assistant animals only.

This is Mary and Joseph's donkey.

The original assistant's animal.

Did your

sleigh go as

fast as this?

Oh, just like it. But my sleigh is much faster.

London.

The love of my life.

Everything's so much simpler here.

Tell me that's not a donkey.

That's not a donkey. And Yang not feeding it carrots.

Oh, crikey.

All of this is just to impress Molly.

Honestly, those two.

They're so...

Watching a love affair going on.

Chinese lanterns, okay, fine. But a donkey?

Just to impress a seven -year -old girl.

Perhaps it's not Molly she's trying to impress.

What's he doing here?

Who?

Coffee shop man.

A .K .A. Mr. Right, but not right now.

Red scarf.

Two o 'clock.

Well, who do you mean? All I can see is my husband. He brought his elves.

You saw that?

Don't worry, I won't tell.

I appreciate it.

Here's something else you'll appreciate.

Finance department, new structure.

Well, let me know if you need help with the trauma.

You'll be the first person I turn to.

Now, if you don't mind, I'm late for the combined last day in the office,

Christmas coffee, secret Santa. Let's find out who's been fired off his

I want to offer my resignation.

Sit down, Gerry. That won't be necessary.

It would ruin the new organisation.

I don't get it.

You will.

I have just handed in the departmental restructuring.

This is not a decision I could have taken three weeks ago.

But then I am not the person that I was three weeks ago.

Gerry?

Er, yeah?

You're the new boss.

What?

Stacey and Yang, you go up a grade and you'll be reporting to Jerry.

Oh, no.

Barney, from the new year, you will be reporting directly to Stacey.

But what about you?

Where will you go?

I will be somewhere near Tahiti.

Really?

For your fault.

What did I do?

You gave my husband a film of me singing.

And we had a chat about it last night, after everything.

And it turns out that he'd sent it to the entertainment director of Around the

World Cruise Ship.

And you're going?

Yes, I am.

I've got a new job.

And I'm leaving this one to Jerry.

What about your... My husband?

Well, that's for Gerry and Leon to sort out.

You mean I really get the love of my life?

You do.

There's something quite comforting about being jilted from a middle -aged man

with dodgy stubble instead of a girl young enough to be my own daughter.

Especially when you get the love of your life back.

Singing!

I told you she was a fast learner.

Now, Jerry's had his present from me. So, Jolene, who's next on your wonderful

secret Santa project?

I have Jolene.

You've already given me my present.

But not this one.

You've made such a difference to the team and to me.

You're boring me. I'll tear this just as much as you have.

And I've signed you up for pottery classes.

Me as well, if that's OK.

I have Diane.

It's a Christmas invitation for dinner.

Ever since Molly was born, you have been so brilliant to me, helping me juggle

life and work, and I would love you to be part of my family on Christmas Day.

Thank you, Stacey.

Who's next?

Oh, I've done mine already. Babysitting for Stacey.

Now, I have something for you.

This way, sir.

It won't hurt. Trust me.

Barney's present for me is outside.

Come on.

Jerry already knows where we're going.

I know you didn't get to say a proper goodbye to Linda.

What was her favorite carol?

Oh, Holy Night.

night. The stars are brightly shining.

It is the night of our dear Savior's

birth.

The stars are brightly shining.

Merry Christmas, Linda.

And that just leaves Yang.

Who wants to dance with a nice man at Christmas?

I'm much better with numbers than I am with words, so I've stolen someone

else's.

I'm just a boy standing in front of a girl asking her to look at him.

Miracle worker.

You are.

Donkey love is the best kind of love. Donkey love is everlasting love.

Donkey love beats any kind of love.

Donkey love is all you need.

Donkey love

is all you

need. Through the calm and storm we'll trot side by side with our ears to the

wind and the moon as our guide. Love so steady, love so strong. Donkey love

keeps us where we belong.

Donkey, donkey, donkey, donkey, donkey, donkey, donkey love.

Donkey, donkey, donkey, donkey, donkey, love is all you need.

Donkey, donkey, donkey, donkey, donkey.

Donkey, donkey, donkey, donkey, donkey, donkey.

Donkey, donkey, donkey, donkey, donkey, donkey, donkey.