Original subtitles

Guys, I need to borrow 50 bucks.

To quote the bank when we tried to take out our first loan.

You guys didn't even ask me what I wanted it for.

Well, the bank didn't ask us either, which is a shame, because we would have

a damn fine all -you -can -drink batting cage.

What do you need the money for? It's kind of complicated. It's a computer

Oh, right. Me and your ma don't know nothing about no computing machines.

Besides, don't they only have them on spaceships?

I need to buy an MP3 player.

Oh, Judy, turns out we really don't know nothing about no computing machines.

It's a portable educational tool that stores data in a digital format.

Brian, what's an MP3 player?

It's kind of like a fancy Walkman.

Shut up!

Okay, then, in that case, the answer is negatory. That's kind of like a fancy

note.

It's just so lame.

All my friends have MP3s. Oh, Bill, did you hear that? I didn't realize there

was such pressure on her to have one. You know what? You're right. Let's give

her an MP3.

Really? Absolutely.

Judy, give me an M. M! Give me a P. M! Give me a 3.

M! M!

Hey,

hey, hey.

Where are you going? We were going to give you a DVD, too.

You can read me, baby, like an open book.

Not me, Denmark.

It's only just one look now when the lights go down.

And when it comes to you and me, girl, ooh, you turn me inside out.

I'm still in love with you today because you make me happy.

Hey, do you guys have any more dryer sheets?

No, but we have paper towels and Old Spice if you want to make your own.

They're next to the bleach.

Why can't she use the washer and dryer in her building?

She says her laundry room is scary.

Well, now ours is scary.

Oh, I need to borrow something else. Oh, what? What is it now? What else could

you possibly need from us? Your daughter.

Done. Wait, wait.

Which one?

Dina. You'll never guess what I'm doing in my psychology class.

Making everybody wonder who brought their mom to class?

No. I'm doing an experiment. on how our male -dominated culture inhibits girls,

and I'd like to observe Tina.

Well, Linda, I don't know if I'm comfortable with you using Tina as a

pig. I mean, we know nothing about this experiment, like what time it would be

and if it would be on a Saturday night so that Bill and I could go to a movie.

Judy, Judy, come on. We're talking about letting her experiment on our child.

Dinner and a movie. Fine.

Gotta go.

Wait.

Aren't you a little dressed up for choir practice?

Mom, I quit choir.

Since when?

Since I found out choir's for losers.

Oh, honey, it's always been for losers.

Well, um, I gotta go. My friends are here. Wait, what friends?

You wouldn't know them. They're new.

I didn't hear the doorbell.

Oh, they called me from their cell phone. They're out on the sidewalk.

Well, call them back and tell them to get in here so we can meet up.

Mom, I am not going to make them come in the house. It's embarrassing.

It's not embarrassing. This.

It's embarrassing.

Hey, girls, come on in. Lauren's going to be a minute. She's on the toilet.

Oh, God.

Hi, I'm Judy Miller, Lauren's mom.

And this is where you say your name.

Mom, this is Jenna, Amber, and Caitlin.

Hi.

Are you all in the same grade?

Yeah.

So where'd you all meet, speech team?

Can we go now? No. Bill, come on in here and meet Lauren's new friends.

Is she still in the can?

Because my cream's in there and I'm starting to itch.

Oh, look.

It's Lauren and the Laurenettes.

So where are you kids off to? I don't know.

Around. Yeah, we'll probably just go to the mall and stuff.

Well, where's your old friend Becca? How come she's not going with you guys?

Becca? You mean Blecka?

We don't really hang out with Becca.

Lauren, Becca's been your best friend since preschool.

She's not my friend anymore.

Can we go now?

Fine. Be back by nine.

My curfew's ten. Well, tonight it's nine.

Did you get your MP3 yet? Oh, yeah. We totally gave her one. You guys want one,

too? No!

Snoddy, wearing trashy makeup. Oh, my God, our daughter's hanging out with the

popular girls.

Who do those girls think they are? They have her dressing like them, and they

got her to quit choir and dump her best friend.

Oh, Judy, relax.

Age -appropriate for teenagers to emulate pack behavior, to ease the

out of the nuclear family and into the social milieu.

Also age -appropriate to do your laundry in your own home when you're 38.

Well, I think they're a bad influence, and now they're out to the mall doing

knows what.

Judy, I think at some point we have to trust our little girl. If we're good

parents, we've given 100 % to our kids, which we have, she'll make good

decisions.

What you eating?

Dinner. I made it. No one else is gonna.

Okay, maybe we gave 80%. Brian, share that with Tina.

Where is Tina?

Okay, 40%.

Coral peach.

Sandy peach, coral peach.

Well, we've been looking at them for an hour. I'm sure you'd be happy with

either one.

This is my bathroom tile. I'll be looking at it for the rest of my life.

Sandy peach, coral peach.

Sandy peach, coral peach.

Hang myself, slip my wrist.

Sit down.

What? On the pot, trust me.

Close your eyes.

You've had a block of cheese which you washed down with a bowl of rice. You're

in for the long haul.

Open your eyes.

Close them again.

Open them.

Sandy Pete!

Ah, beautiful.

Right up your... We'll call you in six weeks.

Bill. Hey, guys. You come down to see where the magic happens?

Bill, we need to talk. I just came back from picking up Lauren at the Oak Street

Mall where she was caught with her friend shoplifting. What?

I wasn't shoplifting, I swear.

What did she try to steal? All the makeup in the store? Looks like she

it out on her face.

She stole a bracelet.

I didn't steal it. I tried it on, I forgot I was wearing it, and I walked

outside. I'll tell you what happened. She was trying to impress her snotty new

friends with how cool she is, so she shoplifted. That is so not true. Okay,

okay, let's not cause a scene.

Daddy already had three attitudinal demerits, whatever the hell those are.

Lauren, I need to talk to your mother alone.

Fine, I'll go look at clothes. Oh, no, I don't want you enjoying yourself. You

stay here where your father works.

Hey.

Bill, what are we going to do about Lauren? We have fun in this department.

know, only this morning. Okay, Bill, let's stay on our daughter, okay?

I know I shouldn't have let her go out with those girls the other night. But is

it at least possible she's telling the truth? Okay, don't take this the wrong

way, but I think I know better when our daughter's lying than you do. Oh,

please, that's crap. I can look into my little girl's eyes and tell if she's

lying. Oh, really?

Take your best shot.

I will.

Lauren? Yes?

Sweetheart, we all make mistakes, but what's worse is lying about them, so...

you tell me you didn't do it, I'll believe you.

But if you did, this is your chance to take responsibility for your actions,

so... Duncan, tell me the truth.

Did you steal that bracelet?

No, Daddy, I didn't steal it.

Then I believe you. You're off the hook.

Thanks, Dad!

You have got to be kidding me. Judy, we have no proof she did it on purpose. She

swears it was a mistake, and I looked into her eyes.

Okay, Lauren, go wait for me on the bench over there, please.

So we're just going to let this go?

Yeah, I know my little girl. Yeah, I know her, too. I used to be her. Well,

that's the problem, Judy. You're too like her to be objective.

You're thinking like the kid you used to be.

One of us has to be mature about this.

I told you we had fun in this department.

Come on, Judy. We're going to be late. The movie starts at 7. Oh, Bill, relax.

We're going to Galaxy 24. It also starts at 7 .10, 7 .15, 7 .20, and 7 .35.

Oh, listen.

Why are you putting on makeup? No one can see you in there.

And you already bagged your mousse.

Well, women are so programmed by society that Judy feels compelled to wear

lipstick even when she's sitting in the dark. You feel compelled to talk even

when nobody's listening.

This is not a joke, Bill. Okay, we learn these gender roles when we're very

young, but I believe that my experiment will prove that in a gender -neutral

environment, Tina will be just as free to choose this as this.

Well, I can see her choosing either. It's the one in the middle no one wants

play with.

for tonight?

Bonnie and I are going bowling with Adam in the day, and afterwards I'm sleeping

at Adam's.

Meaning you're staying out late with Bonnie.

No, meaning I'm sleeping over at Adam's. Oh, I gotcha.

No, really, Dad, I'm sleeping over at Adam's. Right.

Adam's.

Let me just wink and be happy.

Hey, sweetie.

Hi, Daddy.

Oh, hey, Tina. Hi.

How are you today?

And when I tell you, I want you to choose one of them, okay?

Okay, Tina, do you want the doll or the fire truck?

Hey, camera, is it on?

Yeah, just ignore the camera, honey. So which one do you choose?

Hello.

Just forget the camera, okay?

Just pick a toy.

I'm a beautiful princess.

You can be the prince.

No, no. I can't be the prince, honey, because girls can't be prince.

Would you just pick a toy?

Sweetie.

Okay.

Coming.

Hey, Tina, how do the wheels on the bus go?

The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round.

wheels on the bus go round and round.

Judy, what are you doing? We've got to get to the... theater.

How am I going to sneak into five minutes of three other movies if we

leave now?

I came into Lauren's room to borrow some lipstick, and I dropped the cap, and it

accidentally rolled under the bed, and look what I found.

A brand new MP3 player.

Hey, that's the thing Lauren wanted.

I couldn't afford, but somehow got.

Now, Judy, don't jump to conclusions.

We couldn't afford this house. Somehow we got it.

You'll face it. She stole it, and she stole the bracelet, too. Oh, man.

I can't believe she'd do this to me. She looked me right in the eye and lied.

I didn't steal it, Daddy.

I told you. I don't know why you're so surprised.

Because she didn't just lie, Judy. I have no problem with lying. I lie all

time.

That lipstick looks great on you, see? But did I look you in the eye? Did I

you Daddy?

Hey, guys.

What's going on?

Lauren, can you explain what this MP3 player was doing under your bed?

I have no idea.

Come on, there's no store receipt. You couldn't afford to buy it. Tell me the

truth. This time you stole it. I didn't steal it. I've never seen it before.

That's the truth.

Really? You're telling the truth?

How did that lipstick look on your mother?

Looks fine. You're a liar. She looks like a circus clown.

I didn't steal that MP3 player. I have no

idea how this got under my bed.

Hang on a second. Let me just check something.

Ah, look at that.

I wasn't born yesterday.

You are grounded for a month. A month? Two weeks for the bracelet and two weeks

for the MP3 player, and you are forbidden from seeing those snotty new

of yours.

Why, you can't pick my friends!

No, but you can't pick a lock, which means you're going to be stuck in this

until tomorrow when you go to Crazy John's and apologize for stealing the

player. And you don't want to mess with Crazy John because he's got that big

chainsaw he uses to slash prices.

This is so unfair. I'll tell you what's unfair. We're going to be late for the

movies, and if they run out of cinnamon pretzels, may God have mercy on your

soul.

You done showing the camera all your songs and your dances and your butt?

Yeah, I'm tired.

Good. Pick a toy.

Pick a read.

A toy that you want, not a toy that you think you should have because you're a

girl, okay?

Think it over carefully.

Doll or fire truck?

Dinky doll or pretty shiny fire truck?

Fine. Just remember that the doll is a very special doll who can grow up to be

whatever she wants, okay?

She's gonna be a princess.

Or a doctor, or an astronaut, or a painter.

No, then she'll ruin her pretty dress and she won't be a handsome prince.

Yeah, well, maybe your doll will see that most of those so -called princes

toads. Sometimes they're married toads.

So it's better to face the fact that you might always be single and...

Never have kids.

That's okay, because you can always just throw yourself into a brand new career.

Linda, do you want to hold my dog?

Okay.

Linda, I'm sorry your project turned out to be such a bust. Ah, not completely.

Actually, I got an A. But you didn't prove your point.

Well, I talked to my professor and explained my thesis and what went wrong,

as I turned to leave the office, we, uh...

He called me back, and we talked a little, and he gave me an A.

Were you wearing this pant?

Yeah, why?

Aw, crap, old men are pigs.

Well, you better come through for me on that final next week.

Hey, how'd it go?

Oh, just great.

We got all the way to Crazy John, and Lauren refused to apologize.

That's because I didn't feel it. Hey, Lauren, I just... I want you to know

I still have faith in you.

I'm going to get my wallet out of your way.

Well, if it's all right with everybody, I think I'll go to the kitchen and get a

snack. But don't worry.

I'm going to pay for it because I don't want you to accuse me of stealing.

Oh, honey, I know you're trying to prove a point, but it just cost you $3.

Crazy John, say, when you told him what happened.

Actually, Crazy John wasn't there. I think I talked to his sister, Spitty

Hey, I'm back.

From Adam's house.

Where I stayed last night.

People didn't even notice I was gone.

Oh, honey, we noticed we missed you at dinner. I was here for dinner.

I learned. Whatever.

Okay. What's up with her?

She's grounded because she stole an MP3 player.

That's hilarious.

She's so dumb. If she just waited a week, I bought her one for her birthday.

Bought her an MP3 player?

Her birthday's next week.

Yeah, I got sick of her borrowing mine.

Where's this MP3 player?

Look at this. She always snoops around my room around her birthday, so I hid it

under her bed.

See, I figure she never cleans under there.

Well, we found the MP3 player and we thought she stole it. Oh, poor thing.

been calling her a thief all week. We made her return it. We made her return

own birthday present.

You guys are so screwed.

Wait a minute. Did you guys get my money back?

I don't want to hear it from you, mister, because none of this would have

happened if you'd been here last night. Where were you anyway?

I was out all night knocking over mailboxes and making out with Bonnie.

in so much trouble.

I'm kidding.

Would you just let me have this?

Hey, pumpkin.

What do you guys want?

I bet with all the craziness going on around here, you could use a good laugh.

Okay, you ready to laugh?

Here's Judy.

Well, uh, your father and I have been thinking, and we decided we believe you

after all, so sorry.

Oh, and here's your three bucks back.

Trying to buy your own food. Your money's no good here.

You guys found out I didn't steal that MP3 player.

Brian told us he bought it for you for your day and hid it under your bed.

So I give.

Oops.

You made me give back my birthday present.

You called me a thief and all I get is an oops.

Oopsie Davey.

I'm sorry, honey. Some of us wanted to believe you.

Well, the important thing here is that I am innocent. I didn't do anything.

Yeah, you are.

then I should have believed you.

Yeah, you should have. You're right.

And I don't blame you for hating me right now. You have every right to. It

wasn't fair, and I'm sorry.

It's okay, Mom. No, no, you obviously have much better judgment than I did at

your age, and I should have given you more credit.

I just hope that you can still trust me because I want us to have an honest and

open relationship.

Oh, man, I hate this.

We said we're sorry.

No. I hate you for making me feel guilty.

I didn't steal the MP3 player, but I did steal the bracelet.

Wow.

Well, I'm really proud of you for coming clean.

To tell you the truth, I have a confession to make.

I was right.

Okay.

You were right. You know her better. She's just like you.

She's nothing like me.

She fessed up. I never would have done that.

Look, I know what I did was stupid, but Jen and the other kids were taking

stuff. I didn't want to seem scared.

But I'll never do it again. I'm over Jen and them.

So you finally listened to your mother and me.

No, I figured it out on my own.

But because of something we said.

Actually, it was something I saw in the real world.

Point is, you learned your lesson. Yeah, from the TV we bought.

No. First they ditched me when I got caught, and then they thought it was

I don't need friends like that.

Well, however it happened, I'm just happy that you're finally figuring these

things out on your own.

So I guess I'm not grounded?

Oh, no, no. You still stole that bracelet.

And as a father and a retailer, I can't let that go unpunished.

But because you came clean, I'm reducing your sentence from four weeks to two.

But... We're calling off your birthday party.

You guys forgot my birthday, didn't you?

From two weeks to one.

Touch

that

doll and you're dead to me.

i wouldn't have it any other way cause you make me happy you

make me happy