Original subtitles

♪ There's 104 days of summer vacation ♪

♪ And school comes along just to end it ♪

♪ So the annual problem For our generation ♪

♪ Is finding a good way to spend it ♪

♪ Like maybe... ♪

♪ Building a rocket ♪

♪ Or fighting a mummy ♪

♪ Or climbing up The Eiffel Tower ♪

♪ Discovering something that doesn't exist ♪

Hey!

♪ Or giving a monkey a shower ♪

♪ Surfing tidal waves, creating nano-bots ♪

-♪ Or locating Frankenstein's brain ♪ -It's over here!

♪ Finding a dodo bird, Painting a continent ♪

-♪ Or driving our sister insane ♪ -Phineas!

♪ As you can see, there's A whole lot of stuff to do ♪

♪ Before school starts this fall ♪

Come on, Perry!

♪ So stick with us ♪

♪ 'Cause Phineas and Ferb Are gonna do it all ♪

♪ So stick with us 'cause Phineas and Ferb ♪

♪ Are gonna do it all ♪

Mom, Phineas and Ferb are making a title sequence!

[man on TV] And now back to Neanderthal the Pride of the Paleolithic.

The Neanderthals were great makers of tools as well as skilled hunters.

It's also believed that they had a highly advanced language.

For example... [grunting] [babbling]

[woman screaming]

[grunting] [babbling] Aah!

...is how they may have said, "I love you,"

or "Please take out the trash."

But one day, the fateful ice storms came.

The Neanderthals blamed each other

for being ill-equipped to survive the harsh cold.

Many were frozen in glaciers and may be preserved to this very day.

We will return to our program

after a brief word from our sponsor.

♪ Turkey on rye or flamed bologna meat ♪

♪ Our sandwich guy will make you want to eat ♪

Hum... I wonder if there's a caveman in the Danville Glacier.

[announcer] Come on down to Sandwich Town.

-[angelic singing] -Ferb,

I know what we're gonna do today.

You know what else we should do today?

Go search for a cave man at the Danville Glacier.

[Candace]Oh, I've got to find the perfect outfit

to wear to Stacy's costume party.

[Candace gasps] That's it!

A disco diva!

Nah!

A corn dog.

Nah!

I know.

I'll ask Jeremy.

What do you think about my costumes, Jeremy?

[deep voice] "Gee, Candace, I think you look beautiful and everything.

-Will you be my girlfriend?" -[cell phone rings]

-Oh, yes, Jeremy! I'll be your girlfriend! -[ringing continues]

[gasps]What? The prom?

What?

Ahem. Uh, Candace?

[deep voice] No. Uh, just a minute, please.

[clears throat] [normal voice] Hi, Jeremy.

Hey, Candace. Are you going to Stacy's party?

-Yes. -Cool. It's gonna be wicked.

I'm going as a cave man. I'll see you there.

Bye, Jeremy. Ghee!

It's perfect!

I'll dress up like a cave woman,

and Jeremy and I will be all matchy,

and it'll be like we're on a date.

[laughs excitedly]

OK, let's go over our checklist.

Well, boys, we're off

to the Center for Historically Relevant Botanical Gardens,

a virtual treasure trove of topical topiaries.

I'm sure it'll be riveting. What are you boys doing today?

-Archaeological dig. -[Linda] OK. Don't touch the flower beds.

Wouldn't think of it. [car departs]

Hey... where's Perry?

[spy music]

[birds chirping]

[laughs] Oh, there you are, Agent P.

[chuckling] Carl, he fell for it.

[Carl chuckles]

[Monogram] We were just kidding about the whole magpie costume.

Anyway, Doofenshmirtz is up to something.

Seek out that wild-eyed miscreant

and find out what he's up to.

Ooh! Tell him to do it dressed as a rabbit.

Ooh, and Agent P, could...

could you do it dressed as a... bunny?

Good one, sir.

A big pink bunny!

♪ Perry ♪

Wait till Jeremy sees how hot I am

in my smokin' cave girl outfit. [cell phone ringing]

-Psst. -[ringing continues]

-Ooga-booga! -Hi, it's Stace.

Do you think you could bring a sandwich platter to the party?

Sure!

Ooh, I'll bring roast beef!

Jeremy eats roast beef on Phine-days and Satu-Ferbs.

Phineas and Ferb, you're lustin' for a bustin'!

[Stacy] Candace!

Forget your brothers.

Remember? Jeremy.

Right. Jeremy.

Sandwiches. True love. Your house. Bye.

[percussions playing]

Well, Ferb, let's scout around and see what's what.

All right, let's see. Jurassic, Cretaceous, Plasticine...

Oh, here's Paleolithic, down here on the end.

Perry the Platypus!

Oh, your persistence is insufferable.

And by that, I mean completely sufferable.

You are just in time, though,

to watch me rid the Tri-State Area

of one of my biggest pet peeves:

people who dress as sandwiches to promote restaurants.

You see? You see what I mean?

What is this? Are you a person or are you a food?

For some reason, I don't mind the taco guy so much.

Look at his cute little hat.

Anyway, the whole thing sickens me to no end,

which is why I created the Sandwich Suit Removinator!

It sucks all sandwich suits up into the air

and then shreds them to teensy, weensy pieces.

Today I will fly all over the city and strip anyone dressed as a sandwich

right down to their skivvies!

Ah ha ha ha ha ha!

Ooh hoo hoo! Hee hee hee hee ha ha!

Woo hoo hoo hoo!

Heh heh. Uhh... I've become my mother.

♪ Ooh, oh, yeah After Jeremy sees me lookin' so fly ♪

♪ He's gonna wanna be my guy ♪

-♪ Uh-huh, uh-huh ♪ -[cell phone rings]

Oh, hi, Stacy. Yes, sandwiches. I'm on it!

This will be fantastic.

Think of all the practical applications

a cave man can have in the modern world.

Actually, you know, besides politics, I can't think of anything.

But wait till he says what we've done with the wheel...

and fire... and shiny objects.

We did it!

Me Conk.

Me Phineas, he Ferb.

Conk hungry.

Food!

Oh, no, Conk! That's a carburet... or.

Uh, seriously, Conk,

me go to kitchen for food while you wait here with Ferb.

-Wow, not a very sophisticated palate. -[Conk] Ahh...

-♪ Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, uh-huh, uh-huh... ♪ -Hey, Candace,

you think you could spare a sandwich?

Well, I'm sure I can spare one.

I know how men are about their meat.

"Argh! Me manly man Me like meat!"

Gee, uh, thanks, sis. Cool outfit, by the way.

You should meet our new friend. He's a real Neanderthal.

I don't care how buff he is.

Me, hang out with one of your friends?

Please.

Now run along before I take my sandwich back.

And if you even think about trying something funny today,

you're gonna get it!

-Get what? -It!

Well, if it is another sandwich,

I'll take it now, please.

At last my efforts have come to fruition!

And nothing can stop me!

-[engine sputters] -Hmm.

I told Vanessa if she takes out the big head, she has to fill it up.

-[ding] -Ah, yes.

All zeroes make it so much easier to balance my check--

Perry the Platypus, are you asleep?

[groans]Sometimes I wonder why I even bother to soliloquize.

[groans] Where was I?

At last... Well, you remember the rest.

[Doofenshmirtz evil laughing]

[whistle]

♪ Agent P ♪

Ah ha ha!

Ahh, ahh, ahh!

[Phineas] Hey, guys, good news.

I've got refreshments.

Ah!

A little something to wash it down?

I guess we'd be hungry, too, if we hadn't eaten in 28,000 years.

Come on, Ferb.

Let's go wrangle up some snacks for our new pal.

You stay put, and we'll be back.

♪ Happy, happy sandwich man ♪

[humming]

Sandwiches!

Good news!

We got a plethora of sandwiches for ya.

[Phineas] Um, Conk?

Uh-oh.

[chewing loudly]

Jeremy? Is that you?

Wow, great costume! I hardly recognize you.

-Yay! It's Candace... and... -And Jeremy!

-And you guys are all matchy. -Yeah.

Hey, everybody, Candace and Jeremy are here!

-Wow! -[all clamoring]

[boy]I don't even know what that is.

Jeremy, dude! Sweet costume, bro!

OK, you're not my bro.

Come on, let's dance!

[techno music] Ooh, I love this song!

Dance with me, Jeremy!

[screaming]

[fake laugh]

Yeah, he really hates techno.

[grunting]

[Conk sniffs] Food!

Hey, Jeremy, isn't this a great party?

Hoo hoo! Jeremy, you're so primitive. [screams]

[Conk chewing loudly]

Candace...

-[cell phone rings] -Hold that thought. Hello?

Hey, Candace.

Sorry I'm running late, but I just finished getting ready.

Yeah, you look amazing. Wait, what?

See ya soon.

Who was that?

-J-J-J-J -Huh? I don't know a J-J-J-J

But if that was, then who...

[Phineas] You should meet our new friend. He's a real Neanderthal.

[echoing] Neanderthal... Neanderthal...

Ooh! Phineas and Ferb are behind this!

Mom!

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

-Uh-huh. Uh-huh. OK. -So, what is it this time?

She says they have a real cave man.

Well, you can say what you like about Candace,

but there's nothing primitive about her imagination.

Well, well, well, what do you know?

A hapless sandwich man.

Prepare to be eaten by the Removinator!

Mother of mayonnaise!

Yes! It is functioning properly!

[spy music]

Oh, no! Perry the Platy -

I demand you let me go, you... !

you... friend of Phineas and Ferb

[screams]

When my mom gets here, you're gonna be in big trouble.

There you are, Conk. Looky, looky.

I've got you now, Perry the Platy-- Ooh!

Curse you, Perry the Platy--

There you go, Conky. There you go.

♪ Agent P ♪

Uhh! What smells like mustard?

Huh?

-[gasps] Aah! -[Conk laughs]

That big sandwich!

Well, I guess we can't compete with a sandwich like that.

-[Doofenshmirtz screaming] -[Phineas] They say if you love something,

let it go.

Especially if it's a cave man.

Yeah. Especially if it's a cave man.

How's the view up there, Ferb?

This is the life.

The sand, the sea, the sun.

-[Buford sobbing] -The crying?

Hey, what's wrong, Buford? Why are you crying?

First, let's get one thing straight. I'm not cryin'.

I'm just sweatin' through my eyes.

And second...

I lost Biff!

-You mean your goldfish? -Yes.

He changed my life, you know?

I used to be a wimp, like you.

But then one day at the carnival, I was somehow drawn to this game.

[carnival music]

And that's how I won my goldfish.

I named it Biff, after my mother.

It was the happiest day of my life. I finally had a friend.

But then I met the local bully.

Hello, nerd. Well, well, what have we here?

Looks like you brought me lunch.

I knew I had to defend my friend, so I did what I had to do.

[punches landing]

After that, I became the bully,

and I wasn't afraid of anything or anybody,

except, you know, maybe a giant squid, 'cause...

come on, those are freaky, right?

All suction cuppy and beaky.

But then, today...

Biff and I decided to go for a swim.

After a while,

I couldn't hear him anymore. I got worried.

No!

No!

Wow, this is more annoying than when he was bullying us.

We gotta do something to get the old Buford back.

Maybe we should help him find his fish.

Really? You guys would do that?

How about a hug?

-Maybe later. -Let Buford hug you.

-Hey, where's Perry? -Come here.

Morning, Agent P. We've intercepted

some very surprising footage from a local TV station.

Breaking news. A kitten in peril!

Up a tree! Oh, no.

[cat yowls]

Wow, a good Samaritan saved her!

You see that?

Dr. Doofenshmirtz saving a kitten.

Looks like he's defecting to the good side.

Make contact

and present him with our standard welcome package.

Monogram out.

How about these? Do you think Jeremy would like them?

[gasps]Ooh, these are even better!

Hey, Candace, look. Is that a submarine?

[Stacy] And aren't those your brothers?

I can't believe how fast we put this together.

Yes. Usually takes us at least a montage.

They're not getting away with this.

I know what I'm getting.

I'm gonna get this disposable camera,

and then I'll finally have proof, and I can bust them!

[man] Hey, you gotta pay for that!

Right after I pay for this.

♪ Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated ♪

[buzzes]

Hello?

Oh, Perry the Platypus. What do you want?

[gasps] Oh, a gift for me?

Oh, how sweet of you.

What's this note attached?

"Congratulations, Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz,

on defecting to the good side"?

Oh, no, not you, too!

The TV's been repeating that news footage all day!

First of all, I'm not going to the good side.

Second, I'm going to keep this basket. There's a lot of goodies here.

Third, let me tell you what really happened.

[Doofenshmirtz] I was out picking up a few things,

and as I was walking out of the store, I tripped on something.

As I fell, out of nowhere this kitten landed in my bag!

Oh!

Oh! After all my evil attempts to dominate the Tri-State Area,

this one little accident has ruined my reputation.

Worst of all, it happened on the eve of the Evil Scientists' Fraternity Reunion.

If they see that broadcast, I'll be a laughingstock.

They might even take away my membership, and then I'll lose all my benefits.

-Hello? -[beep]

I wasn't done talking yet. That was sort of rude.

[Phineas] All right, Isabella. Now it's your turn, Baljeet.

-Why is Buford crying? -I'm not cryin'!

I'm sweatin' through my eyes!

All right, Buford, you're next.

-That doesn't look very safe. -You're doing fine.

Hey! I'm stuck! I'm stuck!

Hey, Buford, are you... sweating out of your eyes?

No! I'm just cryin'!

Thanks. I needed that.

Ready when you are, Captain.

We're ready to go. How's Buford?

[Buford] Buford is doin' great.

I just hope we'll be able to find my friend Biff.

[Buford sobbing]

Don't worry. Ferb can communicate with dolphins.

[chirping] [Phineas] They'll help us

find your goldfish.

[gasps] Biff! He looks so sweet!

How about a hug? Come on!

All right, everyone, the dolphins are leading the way.

[shutter clicks] Let's follow those aquatic mammals.

-Aye, aye, Captain. -[Buford babbling]

Uh, Buford, you just stay put.

♪ When I'm soaking in my bath ♪

♪ I dump you in the tub ♪

♪ There's no need to say another word ♪

♪ You had me at "glub" ♪

♪ Your bowl became my world ♪

♪ So my world is empty now ♪

♪ All my love's caught in your filter ♪

♪ It needs to get to you somehow ♪

♪ They say that there's plenty of fish in the sea ♪

♪ But you're the only one for me ♪

♪ Without you I'm a fish out of water ♪

♪ I'm hooked ♪

♪ Please throw a line to me ♪

We've got to find that fish... soon.

I've got something on the radar!

[sonar pinging]

[shutter clicks]

All right, it's time for a swim.

You found my friend? How about a hug?

Hug!

[shutter clicks]

Biff!

Biff! Biff!

Buford love Biff.

So, Perry the Platypus,

allow me to introduce the Media Erasinator!

Patent pending, Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated.

It will erase all video signals, print ads, photographs...

basically it will erase any image in the entire Tri-State Area!

And I will be able to attend my reunion without any embarrassment.

[Doofenshmirtz] Huh?

But I-- Ooh!

Hey, guys, look. He missed me.

It sure looks like it.

There you go, little buddy.

You're all safe now.

Let's get out of here!

[chirping]

I got my Biff back.

Thank you, guys.

How about a hug?

Maybe later.

-I'm so happy, I could cry!

[Buford sobbing]

I wish we'd get our Buford back.

[Phineas] Uh, Buford?

A little help here.

Oh, good, you found Biff.

[Isabella screaming]

Hey, where are Phineas and Ferb?

[Baljeet screaming]

It's all suction cuppy and beaky!

No! Biff!

Hmm. A giant squid. What are the odds?

-My money is on the squid. -Cut me off a slice of that action.

[Buford] Hey, squid!

Drop the goldfish. You and me are gonna dance.

So...

I guess that's that.

-I do not know how he does it. -Always go for the long shots, kid.

Good day for Buford, huh? He got Biff back,

and I don't think he's afraid of squids anymore.

All right, there's nothin' to see here. Everybody back inside.

That was amazing. I can't believe I got all of this on film.

Hey, Buford, you were really brave out there.

What's that supposed to mean?

You think I was a wimp before?

No, not really.

But, you were a lot more sensitive.

What did you say?

Yeah... Buford is back.

What?

I've got to save the camera.

Save the camera, save the camera, save the camera.

Yay! We are back! We made it!

I told ya I was comin' out first.

Biff and I have some catchin' up to do.

[Candace] Save the camera, save... save the cam-- save the camera.

Save the camera... save the camera...

save the camera.

Save the camera, save the camera, save the camera.

Hey, you gotta pay for that.

Right after I pay for this.

[beeping] [whirring]

[Doofenshmirtz] It's going crazy! It's shooting all over willy-nilly,

but really half-nilly!

I can't wait to show this to Mom. [Candas wicked laughing]

Finally! I got those boys!

Wait! Where are you going?

[Doofenshmirtz] Curse you, Perry the Platypus!

[meows] Oh, come on!

Candace, honey, you're all wet. Are you OK?

Phineas and Ferb... submarine...

dolphins... giant octopus.

I don't have time for these games.

Dry yourself off before you come in.

Hey, sis. Have a good swim?

Mm!

♪ They say that there's plenty ♪

♪ Of fish in the sea ♪

♪ But you're the only one for me ♪

♪ Without you I'm a fish out of water ♪

♪ I'm hooked ♪

♪ Please throw a line to me ♪