Original subtitles

♪ There's a hundred And four days of summer vacation ♪

♪ And school comes along just to end it ♪

♪ So the annual problem For our generation ♪

♪ Is finding a good way to spend it ♪

♪ Like maybe ♪

♪ Building a rocket or fighting a mummy ♪

♪ Or climbing up the Eiffel Tower ♪

♪ Discovering something That doesn't exist ♪

Hey!

♪ Or giving a monkey a shower ♪

♪ Surfing tidal waves ♪

♪ Creating nano-bots Or locating Frankenstein's brain ♪

It's over here!

♪ Finding a dodo bird ♪

♪ Painting a continent ♪

♪ Or driving our sister insane ♪

Phineas!

♪ As you can see There's a whole lot of stuff to do ♪

♪ Before school starts this fall ♪

Come on, Perry!

♪ So stick with us 'cause Phineas and Ferb Are gonna do it all! ♪

♪ So stick with us 'cause Phineas and Ferb Are gonna do it all! ♪

Mom, Phineas and Ferb are making a title sequence!

Jeremy is so cute,

especially when he's in his Mr. Slushy Dog uniform.

Candace, my jazz trio has a gig at the Squat and Stitch today.

Why don't you, Phineas, and Ferb hang out at the mall together?

The mall?

[gasps] I can visit Jeremy at Mr. Slushy Dog.

[Mom] Testing. Welcome, everyone.

Uh, we'll be playing some free-form jazz today.

It might get a little crazy, so hold on to those knitting needles.

Hit it, girls!

[playing mellow jazz]

All right, squirts, here's your cut. I'll see you back here in 2 hours.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to Mr. Slushy Dog.

Hey, where's Perry?

[spy music playing]

[squeaking]

Sorry about that, Agent P.

Our slide-waxing guy has jury duty this weekend.

Anyhow, Doofenshmirtz has purchased some suspicious items:

4 helicopter blades, 2 dozen party balloons,

and light bulbs, 6000 of them.

He's hiding out at the old abandoned cake factory on the edge of T--

Carl, the light bulb and the 6000. Still on-screen.

Ah, thanks, Carl.

Locate Doofenshmirtz and figure out what he's up to.

Don't fail us, Agent P.

[squeak]

[Candace giggles]

Oh, hey, Candace.

Heh. My cell phone appears to be ringing.

Whoops! My camera went off! [giggling]

[clock ticking]

Well, that was an interesting experiment.

Excuse me, but why are you not studying?

It's summer vacation.

You know, no school, when teachers aren't around

and all you have to worry about are bullies.

[heavy metal playing]

Hey, Buford. That seat's kinda taken.

This table's taken. Sit somewhere else.

What about Baljeet?

Please go. You will just make him angry.

[splat]

[groans]

[laughter]

[growls] This is gonna hurt.

Hey! Put him down!

[Baljeet] Do as she says!

Violence can only lead to more violence.

-Sounds good to me. -Hold it!

World heavyweight boxing champion Evander Holyfield?

Aren't you a little old to be a professional boxer?

Yes. Yes, I am.

Cool.

If you have to fight, do it the time-honored way,

out behind the mall at three o'clock.

Uh, Ferb, how's our three o'clock?

We'll be there.

Don't be late.

My mom's picking me up at 4:00.

It looks like we found something to do today.

What you have found is a one-way magic carpet ride

to your own destruction.

He's right. Remember what happened to the last kid Buford fought?

[gurgling] You win this round, Buford.

I don't want that to happen to you.

It won't, 'cause I'm gonna train him.

♪ Your opponent is as big as an ape ♪

♪ So if you want to avoid being mangled ♪

♪ Just like him You've got to get into shape ♪

♪ And by shape I don't mean a triangle ♪

♪ He's big, he's dumb He's got the IQ of gum ♪

♪ He's got the brain About the size of a sourdough crumb ♪

♪ But he'll beat on your head Like a big bass drum ♪

♪ His behavior is truly unruly ♪

♪ He's a bully! ♪

♪ He's a bully ♪

♪ Yeah, he's a bully! ♪

♪ He's a bully ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah! ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah-yeah! ♪

Here you go.

Brawl at the mall, three o'clock.

Brawl at the mall.

"The Brawl at the Mall"?

What do you two think you're doing?

You can't just go building a boxing ring out here in the mall parking lot.

I am telling Mom right now!

[snaps picture]

[playing mellow jazz]

[whispering] Mom, Phineas and Ferb are at it again.

Not now, Candace.

Oh! My solo. Heh.

Oh, I need proof.

The flyer!

[Doofenshmirtz laughing]

Perry the Platypus, I've trapped you in a giant bowl

filled to the brim with Doonkleberry cake mix.

You see, today is my birthday.

Struggle all you want, Perry the Platypus,

but in 30 to 40 minutes, the yeast will rise,

and you'll be buried alive!

Here, have some.

Unfortunately my birthday has always been the lousiest day of the year.

It all began on the day of my actual birth.

Both of my parents failed to show up.

By the age of five, I was forced to throw my own surprise party

at Gunther Goat Cheese's,

the goat-cheesiest place in all of Drusselstein.

Many of my closest friends were there.

-[animatronics singing] -Count Wolfgang, Betty the She-Boar,

Ratputin, and the licekins, Olga and Chicago Joe.

♪ Welcome to the room and say... ♪

Hello, boys and--

Oh. Hmm. Awkward.

Uh, hey, kid, lock up when you're done, OK?

[Doofenshmirtz] But one should never walk the paths of Drusselstein

with uncovered Doonkleberry cake,

lest the Doonkleberry bats swarm.

[young Doofenshmirtz screaming]

[scream echoes]

But this year, I won't be celebrating my birthday alone.

Behold! The Slave-Inator.

You see, the crowd will do whatever the Slave-Inator tells them to do.

-Ha ha! -[air horn]

I even have a cleanup party button,

because the worst part about a party is the cleanup. Am I right?

Farewell, Perry the Platypus,

and happy birthday to me!

[whale song]

[wails]

[whistling]

[bats squeaking]

[announcer] Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls!

He's from a broken home, his hobby's breaking bones.

Buford, the Bully!

And in this corner,

he's got moves, he's got grace,

his nose takes up his entire face.

Fabulous Phineas Flynn!

OK, boys, let's have a fair and square fight,

and "in no way should this ensuing fight

contain the image of a potentially harmful,

hurtful, or psychologically disturbing physical act

that could be found imitable by an impressionable child viewer."

[groans]

Boys and girls,

let's get ready to Thumb Wrestle!

Sorry. We're all out of flyers.

-Poster? -No.

-Action figure? -Sold out.

-Commemorative coin? -All gone.

-Eight-by-ten glossy photo? -Those went like hot cakes.

Photo. Yes! Photographic evidence.

[circus music playing]

[air horn]

[squeaking]

Perry the Platypus!

Well, if you're going to crash my party, you're going to need a party hat.

A party hat of doom!

[gasps]

[ding]

[crowd] One, two, three, four! I declare a thumb war!

[announcer] The fighters spring to life.

They're squaring up to each other.

Yeow! Flynn hits the mat!

Buford's got him where he wants him.

And look! And... oh!

Into the turnbuckle!

Clothesline! That can't feel good!

Hold on to your seats, folks!

This one's gonna be brutal!

Still hanging around, Perry the Platypus?

[air horn]

[all] Oh!

Why don't you let go? Doesn't it hurt your fingers?

I don't think this is going so well.

Nonsense, kid. Go for the gold.

Fight fire with fire. Aw, shoot.

Shoot him the stink-eye. Uh, grease the pig.

Aw, I got nothing.

[ding]

[announcer] A right hook. A darting left jab.

[announcer in slow motion] No!

Photo, photo, photo, photo.

Buford is climbing the turnbuckles.

He's on the top rope.

[man singing opera]

Oh! The dreaded Boston belt sander!

[evil laugh]

[Candace] Mom!

Finally indisputable photographic evidence

of dangerous and irresponsible behavior.

Candace, this is your thumb in front of the lens.

[yells]

Oh, you are coming with me.

And now, Perry the Platypus, I will smudge your face with ice cream.

Ha ha! Wait. Wh-what are you doing?

What is that?

[grunts]

No! Wait!

It's the-- Oh! Oh! The humanity!

Flynn falls hard.

The crowd's on its feet.

It's over.

[man singing opera]

[announcer] It's all over.

♪ Our hero's on the ropes ♪

♪ And now it's looking like the end ♪

[opera stops]

[laughs] Ice cream fell on you!

[laughing]

Now we're both humiliated in public.

What do you say? Even Steven?

Sure, Buford. Even Steven.

Wait. How did you do that?

Hey, where did that whale come from?

Oh, this is the worst party ever.

Oh! My birthday cake!

Goodbye, Perry the Platypus.

At least I still have my cake.

[squeaking]

Curse you, Perry the Platypus!

[air horn]

Hey, I have a strange urge to clean up this mess.

-Me, too. -Let's do it.

I'll take care of the whale.

Thank you, Mr. Holyfield.

Yeah. Wouldn't have been real without you.

Happy to help you boys find a slightly less violent way

-to settle your differences. -[chattering]

There you are, Perry.

See?

-Hi, mom. -Hi, boys.

If you'll excuse me, Candace, I'm gonna get back for the second set.

[squeals]

Hey, Dinner-bell, that was the best battle ever.

Same thing tomorrow?

Nah. I like to keep moving forward.

Sharks have to continue to move forward, or they'll drown.

You calling me a shark?

[grunts]

Ferb!

Well, he was all up in my face.

Oh, what happened?

-To think, to dream. -[roars echoing]

[roars]

"Whether 'tis nobler to love,

I know not."

[sighs] The Princess Sensibilities.

-My favorite play. -[roar]

What is going on out there?

Could you keep it down out here? You guys ruin everything!

I am trying to practice the art of acting,

and I will not be disturbed by your little movies.

Not so little anymore.

Last week, our website got 176 million hits.

Oh. Sorry I'm late. They're filming down the street.

Filming? What? What are they filming?

A movie version of the play The Princess Sensibilities.

[gasps] I would be perfect for that part.

I've been practicing it for my drama club all summer.

I'm gonna get discovered!

That's serendipitous.

Hey, where's Perry?

There you are, Agent P.

There's something very strange going on with Dr. Doofenshmirtz.

He's been very quiet lately, a little too quiet.

I want you to find out what's not going on

and, uh... put a stop... to it.

I suppose.

Good luck, Agent P.

♪ Doo-bee-doo-bee-doo-bah ♪

♪ Doo-bee-doo-bee-doo-bah ♪

♪ Doo-bee-doo-bee-doo-bah ♪

♪ Doo-bee-doo-bee-doo-bah ♪

♪ Doo-bee-doo-bee-doo-bah ♪

♪ Doo-bee-doo-bee-doo-bah ♪

♪ Agent P! ♪

[gasps] There it is!

Um, excuse me. Heh. Mr. Producer, sir?

I can't talk to you right now. My lead actress just quit.

Well, sir, this is your lucky day. [clears throat]

To think, to dream.

Whether 'tis nobler to love, I know not.

Huh. That's not bad.

And you know your lines.

Um, I don't know.

-I'll do it for free. -You're hired.

-Really? -You bet.

With the money I save,

I'll be able to hire the hottest new directors in town. Hello?

Wow. I could get used to this.

Miss Candace, here's your contract and your bagel.

This is Antoine, your dialogue coach,

Nikki, your swimming stand-in,

and your personal trainers Olga and Chicago Joe.

-[Olga] Charmed, I'm sure. -[Chicago Joe] Drop and give me 20!

Candace, baby, let me introduce you to the directors of this film.

Hi, Candace.

[Candace] Phineas and Ferb?

What are you doing here?

We're directing the movie.

Our new agent arranged the whole thing.

Look, my client gets 3% of the gross

and a piece of the back end, or he walks.

Yeah, that's right.

You mess with the bull, you get the horns, buddy.

-[phone rings] -Hello?

Sid, baby, you got that third act in line yet?

Wait, wait! Don't you think they're a little young

to be big-budget movie directors?

With 176 million hits, they could be in diapers for all I care.

[classical music playing]

[record scratch]

Phineas, I don't remember any monsters in The Princess Sensibilities.

We just finished the rewrites this morning.

[Candace] "The Curse of the Princess Monster"?

That is not what I signed up for.

Besides, I can't wear this. No one will see my face.

Yes, but in the end, the curse is lifted,

and in your big dramatic scene, you will look stunning.

This film could make you a star.

Really?

A-a star?

[man] Hey, ugly monster! You're needed on the set!

I'm coming!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

♪ Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated ♪

Perry the Platypus? Why do you keep breaking down my doors?

Why don't you knock first? It's not even locked.

This time, you'll pay.

That's right, fork it over.

What, are you kidding me?

This is not just drywall, you know! It's solid oak!

That's more like it!

You can't just go busting

into people's houses for no reason, you know.

Besides, I've given up evil

to pursue the art of cheese making.

Do you like stinky Limburger?

It's a Doofenshmirtz family recipe.

-[cackling] -[mooing]

It's not ready yet.

It still has to age for fifty-eight and a half years.

[clock ticking]

But who's got that kind of time?

Which is why I created

the Age Accelerator...

Inator.

OK, Candace, this is a very important scene.

It is nothing less than the emotional backbone of the whole film.

Oh, and the villagers are coming at you with everything they've got.

-Uh, what do you mean the villa-- -Action!

[Phineas] The Air Force!

[Candace grunting]

Hey!

[Phineas] The space armada from the planet plumbing supplies!

Oh! [groans]

Beautiful!

That's a print.

-[whispers] -Oh. That's a little embarrassing.

OK, people. Nice rehearsal.

Let's take it from the top.

Wow. Is this banana hat for some cool tropical dance number?

We're trying to come up with some exciting camera angles

for the big chase scene,

so we strapped a camera onto this starving monkey.

[monkey screaming]

[Candace screams]

Heh heh. Sorry that monkey cam didn't work out.

We're gonna try it with Ferb this time.

Now take this sandwich, and remember,

-Ferb hasn't eaten lunch yet. -[monkey screaming]

[Phineas] Hold on tight.

OK, in this scene,

the monster, that's you,

gets attacked by 800 cubic feet of rats, spiders, and snakes.

There is no way I am doing that!

Relax. They're made out of rubber.

[sighs]

Well, the snakes are, anyway.

[Candace screams] Get it off me! Get it off me!

OK, Candace, this is your beauty shot.

The curse has been lifted,

and you're no longer a monster.

Now, this scene is all about

what the heart wants but the mind can't have.

Take one.

To dream,

to be free of the curse.

Beautiful.

Keep going.

Cue the magical girly dust.

Whether 'tis nobler to be loved--

[sneezes]

Cue wind machine!

To be cursed by love!

Phineas, make it stop!

Cut the wind machine!

Oh!

OK...

Drop the flower petals.

Whether 'tis noble--

[Phineas] Whoops. Wrong prop.

-What the heck. Let's keep it! -[Candace] Ow!

OK, people, that's a wrap.

Here's your big, dramatic scene, Candace.

[panting]

To think, to dream...

-[Phineas] Cut! -Huh?

Oh, I'm sorry.

[Phineas] Do it again.

[sighs] To think,

to, to stink, to, to--

-[Phineas] Cut! -This is horrible.

I can't let anybody see this.

That's what's called a rough cut.

Ferb's gonna fix it in editing,

tighten up the dialogue,

do a little voice modulation, play with the filters,

and now take a look.

[classical music playing]

To think, to dream,

to be free of the curse.

I... I...

I look beautiful!

That's what they call "movie magic."

You two are the best brothers a great actress could ever have!

[producer] We've packed the theater with teenagers.

They're our target audience.

If they like it, we're in business.

If they don't... [hisses]

[classical music playing]

[dramatic music breaks in]

[announcer] The Curse of the Princess Monster.

[cheering]

Looks like we've got a hit movie.

Now, Perry the Platypus, watch carefully,

as I demonstrate the Age Accelerator... Inator.

[Doofenshmirtz] Hooray! It works!

And now to make some perfectly aged cheese.

Ah! Perfect!

You can actually see the pungent aroma.

Here you go, Perry the Platypus. But I'm warning you,

once you start, you won't be able to stop.

I'll go get some crackers.

We're in luck. I still have some leftover of Melba toa-- Wow!

Oh, no! The cheese!

What happened to the stinky cheese?

Perry the Platypus, you ate all the cheese?

No!

I created this for peaceful, cheese-loving purposes,

but now you've forced me to wield it in anger.

Perry the-- Perry the Platypus, hold still!

Hold still so I can blast you!

Wow! Those kids love it!

Yay! Superstardom, here I come.

[crowd muttering in disgust]

Huh? What's going on in there?

[complaining]

-[man] It's too loud! -[woman] Where are my teeth?

A waste of my time.

Sorry, kids. They hated it. Movie's dead.

Well, at least we had fun.

Fun? What about me?

-I was gonna be a star. -Don't worry, Candace.

We've saved a copy of your best scenes.

We're gonna put it on our website right away.

[evil laugh]

I have you cornered.

This time, I will hit you with everything I've got.

Say goodbye, Perry the Platypus!

[explosions]

Wait, wait, wait, that's not right.

[laughs] Perry the Platypus,

just-just look at yourself.

You really let yourself go.

♪ Perry! ♪

[gasps]

Ah, so, you had an Age Accelerator-Inator proof suit.

He, he. Well, I have a little surprise of my own.

[panting]

Well, it's already 4:30. I think I'm going to bed.

Curse you, Perry the Platypus.

[beep]

Oh, boy, this is gonna be great!

[slow motion] You guys ruin everything.

[stretching]

[pieces clatter]

Whoa, check it out!

Five million hits already?

I bet everyone we know saw it.

Enjoy it while it lasts, Candace.

Fame is fleeting.

But the Internet is forever.

[sighs]

Good night, Candace.

Hey, nice monster on the Internet.

Oh! "You guys ruin everything." [laughs]

Hey, Mom, that's the monster on my computer.

I got it! The Swamp Monster of Danville!

You rock!

-She rocks. -Yeah.