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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:22,248 --> 00:01:24,184 Hey, I don't care if you're the expert. 2 00:01:24,184 --> 00:01:26,019 This is my best friend's bachelor party. 3 00:01:26,019 --> 00:01:28,922 I'm not showing anything called the Valet Vixens Parking In Rear. 4 00:01:28,922 --> 00:01:31,758 - No, forget it. - Excuse me, Hef? 5 00:01:31,758 --> 00:01:33,860 I hate to put a crimp in your silk PJs, 6 00:01:33,860 --> 00:01:35,195 but your ex-wife's here. 7 00:01:35,195 --> 00:01:36,963 Uh, look, I gotta go. 8 00:01:36,963 --> 00:01:39,799 I'll pick up the other tapes on my way home, okay? Yeah, yeah. 9 00:01:39,799 --> 00:01:43,003 Listen, I'd appreciate it if you didn't mention this party to Judith. 10 00:01:43,003 --> 00:01:44,404 I won't say a word. 11 00:01:44,404 --> 00:01:46,740 But you might wanna put your little friends away. 12 00:01:50,043 --> 00:01:52,178 - Hi. - Hi. 13 00:01:52,178 --> 00:01:54,014 I brought you those forms for Jeremy. 14 00:01:54,014 --> 00:01:56,449 - You just have to sign it. - Oh, great, great, thanks. 15 00:01:56,449 --> 00:01:58,251 These just arrived. 16 00:01:58,251 --> 00:02:00,920 Yep, nothing like a good cigar. 17 00:02:00,920 --> 00:02:02,522 Toby, could you get us some coffee? 18 00:02:02,522 --> 00:02:04,924 - Why? - What do you mean, why? 19 00:02:04,924 --> 00:02:06,393 To drink. 20 00:02:06,393 --> 00:02:09,195 Oh, I thought it was to get me out of the room. 21 00:02:10,463 --> 00:02:13,933 These wouldn't by any chance be for a bachelor party? 22 00:02:13,933 --> 00:02:17,804 No, no, just a couple of guys are coming over tonight... 23 00:02:17,804 --> 00:02:19,439 to smoke. 24 00:02:19,439 --> 00:02:21,341 Ah, I see. 25 00:02:21,341 --> 00:02:23,376 Okay, here you go. 26 00:02:23,376 --> 00:02:26,446 Thanks for stopping by. Here, I know how busy you are. 27 00:02:26,446 --> 00:02:28,748 Here's that coffee you didn't really want. 28 00:02:28,748 --> 00:02:31,785 And look what I found in a box by my desk. 29 00:02:31,785 --> 00:02:33,186 Cute, don't you think? 30 00:02:34,187 --> 00:02:35,221 Thank you, Toby. 31 00:02:38,091 --> 00:02:39,392 All right, all right, 32 00:02:39,392 --> 00:02:41,728 look, I'm throwing Eddie a bachelor party, okay? 33 00:02:41,728 --> 00:02:44,364 Why? The man is getting married tomorrow. 34 00:02:44,364 --> 00:02:46,866 Why do you feel compelled to humiliate and degrade him? 35 00:02:47,934 --> 00:02:49,969 Are you questioning the wisdom of the party? 36 00:02:49,969 --> 00:02:51,404 Because I'm his best friend. 37 00:02:51,404 --> 00:02:53,473 Besides, he did it to me. 38 00:02:53,473 --> 00:02:56,109 Yeah, and you remember what that was like? 39 00:03:00,613 --> 00:03:02,649 Okay, look, it got a little out of hand. 40 00:03:02,649 --> 00:03:05,485 But I'm throwing the party this time, not Eddie, okay? 41 00:03:05,485 --> 00:03:06,953 So it's gonna be very tasteful. 42 00:03:08,221 --> 00:03:09,589 Your penis is showing. 43 00:03:14,294 --> 00:03:15,762 Jude, come on, it's-- 44 00:03:15,762 --> 00:03:17,430 It's a male bonding thing, you know? 45 00:03:17,430 --> 00:03:20,367 It's a very important rite of passage, really, it's kind of-- 46 00:03:20,367 --> 00:03:21,801 Common crude, vulgar? 47 00:03:21,801 --> 00:03:23,670 Sacred, really. 48 00:03:23,670 --> 00:03:25,839 A Miss Joy Aplenty called. 49 00:03:26,873 --> 00:03:29,109 She says she'll peel down to her G-string, 50 00:03:29,109 --> 00:03:31,011 but there'll be no pictures, no groping, 51 00:03:31,011 --> 00:03:33,146 and absolutely no blowjobs. 52 00:03:37,417 --> 00:03:39,019 See? 53 00:03:45,191 --> 00:03:47,293 Oh, man, I'm so glad we had a rehearsal. 54 00:03:47,293 --> 00:03:50,897 Don't worry, don't worry. Tomorrow we'll get the flower girl to move faster. 55 00:03:50,897 --> 00:03:52,832 Look, man, I didn't mean to step on her. 56 00:03:52,832 --> 00:03:55,502 Everybody knows that. Take it easy, will ya? 57 00:03:55,502 --> 00:03:58,171 See you tomorrow, baby. We love you. 58 00:03:58,171 --> 00:04:00,740 I love you too. Bye-bye. 59 00:04:02,342 --> 00:04:03,743 You have no idea who that is. 60 00:04:03,743 --> 00:04:06,012 No, I don't. Hold on. 61 00:04:10,050 --> 00:04:13,720 Uh, listen, um, you've been a great best man, 62 00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:16,189 and now that I'm getting married, 63 00:04:16,189 --> 00:04:17,891 I just want you to have this. 64 00:04:19,959 --> 00:04:24,064 Oh, Eddie, this wasn't necessary, really. 65 00:04:24,064 --> 00:04:26,166 Thank you. 66 00:04:26,166 --> 00:04:27,267 Thank you so-- 67 00:04:31,504 --> 00:04:32,706 So much. 68 00:04:32,706 --> 00:04:35,375 He's got to give you protection, hmm? 69 00:04:35,375 --> 00:04:38,878 Yeah, I was cleaning out my closet. I guess I won't be needing them anymore. 70 00:04:38,878 --> 00:04:40,080 Grape? 71 00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:41,681 Is it too late to elope? 72 00:04:41,681 --> 00:04:45,051 Sorry, honey. We need at least six more cappuccino makers. 73 00:04:45,051 --> 00:04:47,854 You have everything you need? Do you have your tux? 74 00:04:47,854 --> 00:04:50,757 Yes, I have my tux. It's all over at Martin's. 75 00:04:50,757 --> 00:04:52,759 Jeanette, relax, will ya? 76 00:04:52,759 --> 00:04:55,061 Everything's taken care of. 77 00:04:55,061 --> 00:04:58,765 Come on, we're just gonna hang out, shoot the shit, and watch some TV. 78 00:04:58,765 --> 00:05:01,034 He is very clever with the propaganda. 79 00:05:01,034 --> 00:05:04,938 All right, now you just make sure you get him to the wedding in one piece. 80 00:05:04,938 --> 00:05:07,774 He's safe with me. 81 00:05:11,978 --> 00:05:13,613 So I told him, "You play one measure 82 00:05:13,613 --> 00:05:15,949 just the way you are, and you're not getting paid." 83 00:05:15,949 --> 00:05:19,285 Yeah, well, you know what? That's the least of your problems. 84 00:05:19,285 --> 00:05:21,888 Surprise! 85 00:05:21,888 --> 00:05:24,657 ♪ For he's a jolly good fellow ♪ 86 00:05:24,657 --> 00:05:26,126 You asshole! 87 00:05:26,126 --> 00:05:27,794 - Eddie, come on. - No, you promised. 88 00:05:27,794 --> 00:05:30,130 - I lied. - I told you I didn't want a bachelor party. 89 00:05:30,130 --> 00:05:32,232 My whole life has been one big bachelor party. 90 00:05:32,232 --> 00:05:35,068 - I don't want this. I'm getting married now. - Eddie, come on. 91 00:05:35,068 --> 00:05:39,305 It's all the guys from the old neighborhood. You haven't seen these guys in, like, 20 years. 92 00:05:39,305 --> 00:05:40,640 Hey, what's happening? 93 00:05:42,409 --> 00:05:43,777 Maybe there's a reason. 94 00:05:43,777 --> 00:05:45,245 See? Isn't this great? 95 00:05:45,245 --> 00:05:49,182 - Hey, Barry! - Hey, guy. Congratulations. 96 00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:51,117 All right, Barry, put me down. 97 00:05:51,117 --> 00:05:53,386 Oh. 98 00:05:53,386 --> 00:05:55,021 Hey, hey, look who else is here. 99 00:05:55,021 --> 00:05:56,890 - Hey, Chuck, how you been? - Shitty. 100 00:05:56,890 --> 00:05:59,225 It's the same old Chuck. 101 00:05:59,225 --> 00:06:02,328 - Congratulations, Eddie. - Thanks. Jerry. 102 00:06:03,463 --> 00:06:06,466 You invited Jerry Dorfer? Oh, no. 103 00:06:06,466 --> 00:06:08,735 Hope you don't mind. Barry told me all the guys 104 00:06:08,735 --> 00:06:10,837 were getting together. How could I miss that? 105 00:06:10,837 --> 00:06:13,940 Why, you ornery old skunk. You're just trying to get some free beer. 106 00:06:13,940 --> 00:06:16,309 I'm of good mind to throw you the devil out of here. 107 00:06:16,309 --> 00:06:18,678 - Hey, wouldn't be a party without you. - Yeah. 108 00:06:18,678 --> 00:06:19,846 Hey, Eddie. 109 00:06:19,846 --> 00:06:22,115 Stinky! 110 00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:26,186 I knew somebody was gonna call me that. 111 00:06:32,859 --> 00:06:35,562 So, uh, who's drinking what? 112 00:06:35,562 --> 00:06:39,699 ♪ Oh, here we go loopty loo ♪ 113 00:06:39,699 --> 00:06:42,635 ♪ Here we go loopty light ♪ 114 00:06:42,635 --> 00:06:45,338 ♪ Here we go loopty loo ♪ 115 00:06:45,338 --> 00:06:47,974 ♪ All on a Saturday night ♪ 116 00:06:47,974 --> 00:06:51,878 - Okay, vodka for the man. - Thanks, pal. 117 00:06:51,878 --> 00:06:54,047 Adam, Adam. We're scotch rocks, right? 118 00:06:54,047 --> 00:06:56,549 Hey, come on, Barry. You're always a tequila, man. 119 00:06:56,549 --> 00:06:59,619 No, thanks, alcohol's a neuro-toxic miniature. 120 00:06:59,619 --> 00:07:01,921 But, hey, you guys enjoy it. 121 00:07:01,921 --> 00:07:05,392 And none for me, thanks. I'm training for the marathon. 122 00:07:05,392 --> 00:07:06,559 Chuck? 123 00:07:06,559 --> 00:07:10,563 Oh, I've got this kind of pre-ulcer thing. 124 00:07:10,563 --> 00:07:13,933 You should've told us. We could've made reservations at a soda fountain. 125 00:07:13,933 --> 00:07:16,469 I can't believe this. What happened to the guys 126 00:07:16,469 --> 00:07:19,105 who used to chug Boone's Farm behind the gym? Come on! 127 00:07:19,105 --> 00:07:21,741 - Do you have any juice? - Pellegrino. 128 00:07:21,741 --> 00:07:22,876 Pepper milk? 129 00:07:22,876 --> 00:07:24,377 Gee, I'm fresh out. 130 00:07:24,377 --> 00:07:27,614 Uh, Gary. Gary! 131 00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:30,483 Captain Chug-a-lug. Come on, come on. 132 00:07:30,483 --> 00:07:32,218 It's a bachelor's party. Get in here. 133 00:07:32,218 --> 00:07:33,853 Thanks, Martin, but no. 134 00:07:33,853 --> 00:07:36,056 Oh, what? What? You too? 135 00:07:36,056 --> 00:07:38,425 Oh, I'm sorry, what? Does it give you an earache? 136 00:07:38,425 --> 00:07:42,128 Huh? Are you macrobiotic? 137 00:07:42,128 --> 00:07:44,731 Or are you just planning to swim the English Channel? 138 00:07:46,900 --> 00:07:48,601 Actually, I'm an alcoholic. 139 00:07:50,103 --> 00:07:51,271 Oh. 140 00:07:51,271 --> 00:07:53,173 I can say that now. 141 00:07:53,173 --> 00:07:55,575 I've had to admit that I'm powerless over alcohol. 142 00:07:56,976 --> 00:07:58,011 Six months sober. 143 00:07:59,279 --> 00:08:01,047 All right. Way to go. 144 00:08:01,047 --> 00:08:04,617 That's great, Gary. Yeah, that's wonderful, man. 145 00:08:04,617 --> 00:08:06,720 You're right, pal. Great party. 146 00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:08,154 Congratulations. 147 00:08:08,154 --> 00:08:10,223 Sir, in your position, 148 00:08:10,223 --> 00:08:12,125 there must be something you can do. 149 00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:14,394 Movies! 150 00:08:14,394 --> 00:08:18,498 ♪ Oh, here we go loopty loo ♪ 151 00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:21,568 ♪ Here we go loopty light ♪ 152 00:08:21,568 --> 00:08:25,138 ♪ Oh, here we go loopty loo ♪ 153 00:08:27,107 --> 00:08:28,875 Turn around, turn around. 154 00:08:30,110 --> 00:08:31,277 Take it, baby. 155 00:08:34,647 --> 00:08:38,451 Yeah, well, I got out of the market just before the crash. Thank God. 156 00:08:38,451 --> 00:08:40,520 Well, you really ought to look into T-bills. 157 00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,589 Everything else is fucked. 158 00:08:42,589 --> 00:08:44,858 Marjorie's handling most of our finances now, 159 00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:47,327 which is great. 160 00:08:47,327 --> 00:08:49,929 Because it gives me more time with the kids. 161 00:08:49,929 --> 00:08:52,665 Guys, guys, come on. Are you watching the movie? 162 00:08:52,665 --> 00:08:54,668 Come on, you ever seen two women do that? 163 00:08:54,668 --> 00:08:55,969 What are they doing now? 164 00:08:55,969 --> 00:08:57,937 Well, they caught them with the Swiss girl, 165 00:08:57,937 --> 00:09:00,974 and now they're sort of making them pay. 166 00:09:00,974 --> 00:09:02,776 Martin, does this thing get any better? 167 00:09:02,776 --> 00:09:03,843 Has to. 168 00:09:06,646 --> 00:09:08,548 Oh, shit! 169 00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:09,883 No, wait, wait, wait, wait. 170 00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:11,651 I can fix it. I can fix it, okay? 171 00:09:11,651 --> 00:09:13,453 I mean, come on. It happens sometimes. 172 00:09:14,654 --> 00:09:16,189 Here we go. 173 00:09:16,189 --> 00:09:17,924 Oh, yeah, right, right, right. 174 00:09:17,924 --> 00:09:20,260 Look, guys, I think we better just call it a night. 175 00:09:20,260 --> 00:09:21,928 Eddie, Eddie, wait, wait. 176 00:09:21,928 --> 00:09:23,863 Uh, you don't wanna miss... 177 00:09:23,863 --> 00:09:27,334 Beautiful girls from 16 European countries 178 00:09:27,334 --> 00:09:29,803 will parade and be judged. 179 00:09:29,803 --> 00:09:31,037 ...the rest of the party. 180 00:09:31,037 --> 00:09:32,372 Yeah, well, anyway. 181 00:09:32,372 --> 00:09:33,573 Eddie, please, please. 182 00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:35,642 I-- I thought I should say that to you, 183 00:09:35,642 --> 00:09:39,713 a few important words about, you know, 184 00:09:39,713 --> 00:09:41,981 our friendship and-- 185 00:09:41,981 --> 00:09:44,117 and marriage and, uh-- 186 00:09:45,218 --> 00:09:46,653 And that's it. 187 00:09:46,653 --> 00:09:48,321 Oh, no. 188 00:09:51,358 --> 00:09:52,892 Ta-da! 189 00:09:52,892 --> 00:09:53,960 Psst! 190 00:09:55,495 --> 00:09:57,664 Look out, what is it, Martin? 191 00:09:57,664 --> 00:10:00,734 What? What is it, man? No, it's crazy, crazy, whatever. 192 00:10:05,071 --> 00:10:07,674 Who is it? 193 00:10:07,674 --> 00:10:09,209 Open up. It's the police. 194 00:10:09,209 --> 00:10:11,444 Ooh! 195 00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:13,013 - Oh, yeah! - Come on. 196 00:10:14,647 --> 00:10:17,784 I have a warrant for the arrest of Mr. Eddie Charles. 197 00:10:19,085 --> 00:10:21,421 Oh, no, officer. What's the charge? 198 00:10:21,421 --> 00:10:24,224 Indecent exposure! 199 00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:36,336 ♪ I'm taking you ♪ 200 00:10:39,272 --> 00:10:41,441 Mr. Charles, I'll remind you, 201 00:10:41,441 --> 00:10:43,810 you have the right to remain silent. 202 00:10:43,810 --> 00:10:45,111 Call for my lawyer. 203 00:10:46,713 --> 00:10:49,883 This calls for some plain clothes... 204 00:10:51,251 --> 00:10:52,552 ...work. 205 00:10:52,552 --> 00:10:54,421 ♪ Get down on the ground ♪ 206 00:10:54,421 --> 00:10:56,322 ♪ Spread 'em ♪ 207 00:11:03,196 --> 00:11:06,966 Gosh, wouldn't it be nice to be that flexible? 208 00:11:06,966 --> 00:11:08,101 ♪ I'm taking you ♪ 209 00:11:08,101 --> 00:11:10,170 Counselor, how about your client? 210 00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:12,105 Whatever it is, Officer. 211 00:11:12,105 --> 00:11:13,506 He's guilty! 212 00:11:19,879 --> 00:11:21,514 You know, I think we're ready 213 00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:24,317 to bust this case wide open. 214 00:11:31,624 --> 00:11:32,692 Bless you. 215 00:11:38,565 --> 00:11:41,034 Gesundheit. 216 00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:43,837 No problem, guys. Just a little cold. 217 00:11:49,275 --> 00:11:52,379 I'm sorry. I'll be all right in a minute. 218 00:11:54,314 --> 00:11:57,784 Fuck, this stuff's supposed to last 12 hours. 219 00:11:57,784 --> 00:12:01,354 Martin, you got any antihistamines? 220 00:12:05,191 --> 00:12:06,226 I'll go check. 221 00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:11,331 Yeah, well, I'm ready for a drink. 222 00:12:11,331 --> 00:12:12,632 Yeah. Yeah, I am. 223 00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:14,634 Anybody else? 224 00:12:15,835 --> 00:12:16,903 I think so. 225 00:12:22,642 --> 00:12:25,245 I think I'm feeling a little better. 226 00:12:25,245 --> 00:12:28,181 It's just the aching around my eyes. 227 00:12:30,550 --> 00:12:33,753 I never heard anybody go on so long about a simple head cold. 228 00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:35,855 - Drink the tea. - Okay. 229 00:12:38,291 --> 00:12:39,626 Barry, Adam, come on in. 230 00:12:39,626 --> 00:12:40,894 What the fuck? 231 00:12:42,529 --> 00:12:44,664 Hey, hey, hey, go easy there, Jerry. 232 00:12:44,664 --> 00:12:45,965 In eighth grade, 233 00:12:45,965 --> 00:12:48,601 I got to second base with Cheryl Castorini. 234 00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:51,071 Cheryl Castorini didn't even have a second base. 235 00:12:52,906 --> 00:12:54,507 Hey, Eddie, who was your first? 236 00:12:54,507 --> 00:12:56,676 Go ahead, go ahead, tell him, tell him. 237 00:12:56,676 --> 00:12:58,478 Okay, okay. 238 00:12:58,478 --> 00:12:59,846 It was ninth grade. 239 00:12:59,846 --> 00:13:01,848 - Don Richardson. - Lisa Farley. 240 00:13:01,848 --> 00:13:03,917 No, no, no. Laurie Klepperman. 241 00:13:03,917 --> 00:13:05,418 Karen Kenlow. 242 00:13:05,418 --> 00:13:08,722 - What? - Mrs. Kenlow, the math teacher? 243 00:13:08,722 --> 00:13:11,624 Well, I needed a little help with my square roots, you know. 244 00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:14,427 Yeah, I got that. Yeah. 245 00:13:14,427 --> 00:13:15,929 My ninth grade disguised life 246 00:13:15,929 --> 00:13:18,431 was better than mine will ever be. 247 00:13:18,431 --> 00:13:21,067 We all know who Jerry's first was. 248 00:13:21,067 --> 00:13:24,437 Marjorie! 249 00:13:24,437 --> 00:13:26,439 Well, not exactly. 250 00:13:26,439 --> 00:13:30,043 Ooh, really? 251 00:13:30,043 --> 00:13:34,180 Actually, my first, first was-- 252 00:13:36,416 --> 00:13:37,917 Look at him, look at him. 253 00:13:37,917 --> 00:13:39,486 Come on, you got that far. 254 00:13:39,486 --> 00:13:41,121 It's with Martin. 255 00:13:48,862 --> 00:13:53,133 That's not true. He's drunk. Look at him, look at him. 256 00:13:53,133 --> 00:13:55,001 He-- he can't even stand up. 257 00:13:55,001 --> 00:13:57,637 You know, they say that one out of every three 258 00:13:57,637 --> 00:13:59,639 adolescent boys' experiments-- 259 00:13:59,639 --> 00:14:01,274 It was nothing. 260 00:14:01,274 --> 00:14:04,177 I mean, a little touching. You know, it was nothing. 261 00:14:04,177 --> 00:14:05,512 It wasn't nothing. 262 00:14:05,512 --> 00:14:07,047 I mean, it wasn't a gay thing, 263 00:14:07,047 --> 00:14:08,915 but it was a nice thing. 264 00:14:08,915 --> 00:14:10,183 It wasn't anything. 265 00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:12,452 I mean, it-- it doesn't count. 266 00:14:12,452 --> 00:14:14,287 I mean, we were at camp. 267 00:14:14,287 --> 00:14:16,923 It was color war. We were swept up in the moment. 268 00:14:18,458 --> 00:14:19,959 Shut up, Jerry. 269 00:14:19,959 --> 00:14:21,528 You think dynamite would stop him? 270 00:14:21,528 --> 00:14:23,697 I mean, come on, we've all done things at camp 271 00:14:23,697 --> 00:14:25,665 we-- we wouldn't do normally, right? 272 00:14:25,665 --> 00:14:27,934 When was the last time you sang "Kumbaya"? 273 00:14:29,736 --> 00:14:32,772 Oh, Martin, I don't think that's quite the same thing. 274 00:14:34,441 --> 00:14:35,742 Excuse me. 275 00:14:37,277 --> 00:14:39,512 ♪ Kumbaya ♪ 276 00:14:41,448 --> 00:14:43,983 ♪ Kumbaya ♪ 277 00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:49,322 May I take this opportunity of saying I wish I were dead? 278 00:14:51,691 --> 00:14:53,960 Don't-- don't-- even say anything. 279 00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:55,662 What? What? Look. 280 00:14:55,662 --> 00:14:59,399 I was just gonna say that, uh, you know, I understand. 281 00:15:00,700 --> 00:15:02,602 One time after Little League... 282 00:15:03,870 --> 00:15:05,739 me and Don Willingham-- 283 00:15:08,441 --> 00:15:09,642 You're kidding me. 284 00:15:09,642 --> 00:15:11,845 Oh, come on, man. It was sixth grade. 285 00:15:11,845 --> 00:15:13,246 Don Willingham? 286 00:15:15,248 --> 00:15:16,716 I was your best friend. 287 00:15:17,884 --> 00:15:22,022 Martin, we're getting into a very weird area here. 288 00:15:30,830 --> 00:15:31,865 Yeah, man. 289 00:15:34,434 --> 00:15:35,502 I got him. 290 00:15:38,872 --> 00:15:39,906 Ooh. 291 00:15:42,709 --> 00:15:43,877 Did everybody get some? 292 00:15:43,877 --> 00:15:45,912 Son of a-- 293 00:15:45,912 --> 00:15:47,881 Hey, hey, Martin, Martin. 294 00:15:50,016 --> 00:15:51,785 It's okay. 295 00:15:51,785 --> 00:15:53,687 Eddie, I'd like to propose a toast. 296 00:15:54,988 --> 00:15:58,758 You know, after tomorrow, there's gonna be a lot of disappointed women out there. 297 00:15:58,758 --> 00:16:00,627 And a lot of relieved men. 298 00:16:01,895 --> 00:16:04,964 And I'd like to make a little presentation 299 00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:07,467 to a guy who's been a constant source of inspiration 300 00:16:07,467 --> 00:16:09,035 and astonishment to us all. 301 00:16:09,035 --> 00:16:11,971 I mean, the sheer volume 302 00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:13,373 and quality. 303 00:16:13,373 --> 00:16:14,441 Thank you. 304 00:16:15,508 --> 00:16:18,478 To a legend, our champion, 305 00:16:18,478 --> 00:16:22,349 Eddie Charles, the biggest dick I know. 306 00:16:25,151 --> 00:16:27,187 I'm moved. 307 00:16:27,187 --> 00:16:29,756 You guys are definitely a class act. 308 00:16:29,756 --> 00:16:32,092 Oh, thank you. Eddie, hey, how does it feel 309 00:16:32,092 --> 00:16:33,793 to be hanging up the old cleats, huh? 310 00:16:33,793 --> 00:16:35,161 Cleaning out the old locker? 311 00:16:35,161 --> 00:16:36,963 You know, it feels great. I'm ready. 312 00:16:36,963 --> 00:16:40,834 Really? Ready for sex with the same woman for the rest of your life? 313 00:16:40,834 --> 00:16:42,235 Sex if you're lucky. 314 00:16:42,235 --> 00:16:44,304 For me, it's just the same woman. 315 00:16:45,271 --> 00:16:48,208 - It's not gonna be like that. - Ah, of course not. 316 00:16:48,208 --> 00:16:50,710 Of course not. She's terrific. 317 00:16:50,710 --> 00:16:52,479 That's true. She's-- she's incredible. 318 00:16:52,479 --> 00:16:54,147 Sure, now. 319 00:16:54,147 --> 00:16:56,316 - Chuck. - Listen, I'm sorry. 320 00:16:56,316 --> 00:16:58,251 Eddie, man, I wish you the best. 321 00:16:58,251 --> 00:17:00,854 I really do. And maybe I'm a little bitter. 322 00:17:00,854 --> 00:17:04,457 But for me, marriage was a fucking nightmare! 323 00:17:07,027 --> 00:17:08,461 Thanks for the input, Chuck. 324 00:17:08,461 --> 00:17:10,997 Hey, I love my wife. 325 00:17:10,997 --> 00:17:13,433 Ah, yeah, you hear that? You see that? 326 00:17:13,433 --> 00:17:16,736 But the other night, they brought this guy into the ER, right? 327 00:17:16,736 --> 00:17:18,638 He had tried to cut off his Johnson 328 00:17:18,638 --> 00:17:20,974 and give it to his wife for an anniversary present. 329 00:17:20,974 --> 00:17:22,776 Said he didn't need it anymore. 330 00:17:22,776 --> 00:17:24,678 Forty-three years old. 331 00:17:25,779 --> 00:17:27,180 That's just one example. 332 00:17:27,180 --> 00:17:28,848 Now, come on. 333 00:17:28,848 --> 00:17:32,285 I have been longer married than any of you guys. 334 00:17:32,285 --> 00:17:35,689 And there's just something about the feeling I get. 335 00:17:35,689 --> 00:17:37,557 When I come home from work, 336 00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:40,260 and there's Marjorie 337 00:17:40,260 --> 00:17:42,962 unloading the dishwasher, 338 00:17:42,962 --> 00:17:46,166 and I look at her, and I think... 339 00:17:52,038 --> 00:17:53,973 "Who are you? 340 00:17:53,973 --> 00:17:55,375 Why are you here?" 341 00:17:55,375 --> 00:17:57,811 Oh, my God. 342 00:17:57,811 --> 00:18:00,046 It's okay. It's okay. 343 00:18:00,046 --> 00:18:01,514 Oh, Jesus. 344 00:18:02,716 --> 00:18:04,384 I think we better call it a day. 345 00:18:13,393 --> 00:18:14,427 It's over. 346 00:18:16,363 --> 00:18:18,231 My life is over. 347 00:18:18,231 --> 00:18:19,332 Isn't that the truth? 348 00:18:19,332 --> 00:18:20,667 That's bullshit. 349 00:18:20,667 --> 00:18:22,068 Hey, really, man? 350 00:18:22,068 --> 00:18:24,938 Hey, wish I was getting married. 351 00:18:24,938 --> 00:18:28,575 I loved being married both times. 352 00:18:28,575 --> 00:18:30,844 I gotta talk to Marjorie. We're drifting apart. 353 00:18:30,844 --> 00:18:32,112 I see that now. 354 00:18:32,112 --> 00:18:33,913 Good luck, Jerry. 355 00:18:33,913 --> 00:18:35,081 I love my wife. 356 00:18:35,081 --> 00:18:36,716 I'm coming, Marjorie! 357 00:18:56,269 --> 00:18:57,303 Am I home? 358 00:19:00,306 --> 00:19:01,975 I'll take him home. 359 00:19:03,543 --> 00:19:05,412 I'll be back as soon as I can. 360 00:19:26,966 --> 00:19:29,569 One woman for the rest of my life. 361 00:19:32,539 --> 00:19:33,640 Yeah. 362 00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:38,445 I mean, I asked her to marry me because... 363 00:19:40,947 --> 00:19:44,050 because I wanted to be with her forever, you know, 364 00:19:44,050 --> 00:19:45,352 but I never really thought 365 00:19:45,352 --> 00:19:48,421 I'd be just her, you know, forever. 366 00:19:48,421 --> 00:19:52,425 Hey, Ed. Don't do this to yourself. 367 00:19:52,425 --> 00:19:53,493 You love her. 368 00:19:53,493 --> 00:19:55,562 I know, I know, I know, I know. 369 00:19:55,562 --> 00:19:58,331 She's great. She's great. 370 00:19:58,331 --> 00:20:00,600 But she's just one woman. 371 00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:01,901 She can't help it. 372 00:20:01,901 --> 00:20:04,838 I mean, that's just all the woman she can be. 373 00:20:05,972 --> 00:20:07,974 Look, 374 00:20:07,974 --> 00:20:10,410 everybody goes through this. 375 00:20:10,410 --> 00:20:11,978 Marriage is scary. 376 00:20:13,747 --> 00:20:15,548 But it's gonna be all right. 377 00:20:16,983 --> 00:20:18,018 Really. 378 00:20:18,018 --> 00:20:21,321 But what if it isn't, hmm? 379 00:20:21,321 --> 00:20:24,157 - What if it isn't? - There, there. 380 00:20:24,157 --> 00:20:26,259 - Oh, God! - Shh. 381 00:20:28,028 --> 00:20:29,829 Ssh. 382 00:20:29,829 --> 00:20:33,099 Listen, would you like a hand job? 383 00:20:44,411 --> 00:20:46,446 Martin, you'll call me? 384 00:20:48,448 --> 00:20:51,217 I've always felt a deep sympathy for disturbed people. 385 00:20:51,217 --> 00:20:53,219 I know how much help they must need. 386 00:20:53,219 --> 00:20:54,954 Probably not. 387 00:20:54,954 --> 00:20:57,057 Martin, Martin. 388 00:20:57,057 --> 00:20:59,959 You'll always be my special friend. 389 00:20:59,959 --> 00:21:03,463 That's right, Jerry. We'll always have camp. 390 00:21:29,489 --> 00:21:31,257 What a guy. 391 00:21:31,257 --> 00:21:35,161 Eddie. 392 00:21:35,161 --> 00:21:36,963 Come on, wake up, man. 393 00:21:36,963 --> 00:21:38,198 It's your wedding day. 394 00:21:43,470 --> 00:21:45,238 - Sound the whistle. - Fuck! 395 00:21:45,238 --> 00:21:47,607 - What? - You fucked the stripper. 396 00:21:47,607 --> 00:21:49,376 Oh, my God. I fucked the stripper. 397 00:21:49,376 --> 00:21:51,077 Shh. 398 00:21:51,077 --> 00:21:53,713 I can't believe you did this. You-- you are hopeless. 399 00:21:53,713 --> 00:21:56,282 Wait a minute, wait a minute. I-- I didn't do this. 400 00:21:56,282 --> 00:21:57,851 - What? - You did this. 401 00:21:57,851 --> 00:21:59,886 - You did this to me! - Excuse me? 402 00:21:59,886 --> 00:22:03,323 I told you I didn't want a bachelor party. I wanted a good night's sleep. 403 00:22:03,323 --> 00:22:06,793 But no, you had to bring out the vodka and the cigars and throw women at me. 404 00:22:06,793 --> 00:22:10,330 Hey, but the only thing I did wrong is leave you alone with a woman over 14. 405 00:22:10,330 --> 00:22:12,265 - This is not my fault. - Oh, really? 406 00:22:12,265 --> 00:22:14,801 Whose fault is it, huh? Her fault? Jeanette's fault? 407 00:22:14,801 --> 00:22:17,437 - Jerry Dorfer's? - It's my dick's fault. 408 00:22:17,437 --> 00:22:20,507 Yeah, my dick doesn't want me to get married. 409 00:22:20,507 --> 00:22:22,442 My dick did this to me. 410 00:22:22,442 --> 00:22:24,477 Oh, well, now we found the culprit. 411 00:22:24,477 --> 00:22:26,880 Oh, Martin, what am I gonna do? 412 00:22:27,947 --> 00:22:29,949 What you mean, what are you gonna do? 413 00:22:29,949 --> 00:22:32,085 You're gonna get your sorry ass in that shower. 414 00:22:32,085 --> 00:22:35,722 You've got a wedding in less than three hours. Hey, wait a minute. 415 00:22:38,925 --> 00:22:40,427 This was a gift. 416 00:22:41,528 --> 00:22:42,562 Martin. 417 00:22:54,774 --> 00:22:56,443 Man, I'm gonna have to tell Jeanette. 418 00:23:00,013 --> 00:23:01,281 You are? 419 00:23:01,281 --> 00:23:04,984 Yeah, I love her so much, man, I can't lie. 420 00:23:04,984 --> 00:23:06,319 I'm gonna have to tell her. 421 00:23:07,654 --> 00:23:10,290 Okay, okay, that's an option. 422 00:23:11,591 --> 00:23:14,527 Of course, you should be aware that she might not marry you today. 423 00:23:15,628 --> 00:23:17,063 Or-- or ever. 424 00:23:17,063 --> 00:23:19,399 Ah, no, man, how can I not tell her? 425 00:23:19,399 --> 00:23:22,068 I mean, I can't have a marriage without trust and honesty. 426 00:23:22,068 --> 00:23:24,204 You-- you should have a marriage with honesty. 427 00:23:24,204 --> 00:23:26,840 You know, you'll-- you'll just have an engagement 428 00:23:26,840 --> 00:23:29,542 with one big lie. 429 00:23:33,580 --> 00:23:34,781 I can live with that. 430 00:23:37,484 --> 00:23:40,553 - You got the ring? You got the ring? - I got the ring, I got the ring. 431 00:23:40,553 --> 00:23:42,255 Aw, man, you really are my best man. 432 00:23:42,255 --> 00:23:43,490 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 433 00:23:50,964 --> 00:23:54,100 You know, I'm-- I'm sorry I was such an asshole, you know. 434 00:23:54,100 --> 00:23:56,436 It's just that this is the scariest thing 435 00:23:56,436 --> 00:23:58,138 I'll ever do in my life, you know? 436 00:23:58,138 --> 00:24:00,340 Eddie. Kids. 437 00:24:02,409 --> 00:24:04,044 Aw, man, kids. 438 00:24:04,044 --> 00:24:06,146 I forgot about kids. 439 00:24:06,146 --> 00:24:08,314 Yeah, I'm not ready for kids. 440 00:24:10,050 --> 00:24:14,054 ♪ Oh, here we go loopty loo ♪ 441 00:24:14,054 --> 00:24:17,057 ♪ Here we go loopty light ♪ 442 00:24:17,057 --> 00:24:19,859 ♪ Oh, here we go loopty loo ♪ 443 00:24:19,859 --> 00:24:22,696 ♪ All on a Saturday night ♪ 31771

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