Original subtitles

- Hello? - How dare you make my son cry.

Laxmi?

You made everyone cry.

And you gave your chaperone a heart attack. What is wrong with you?

First of all, I don't have a chaperone, so stop calling her that.

Second of all, zosia's gonna be fine, thank you for asking.

- And third of all... - why do you do such things?

Are you mentally unsound?

Third of all, I learned something important.

Laxmi, I think that there might be a way to fix...

you do not ever make my son cry again.

Hey, if miss sunshine asks for my phone number again,

you tell her to pound sand.

She's gonna be all right, isn't she?

She's gonna be fine.

Hello?

Anybody here?

- Hello, Carol. - Hey.

- Where did everybody... - this is a recording.

At the tone, you can leave a message to request anything you might need.

We'll do our best to provide it.

Our feelings for you haven't changed, Carol.

But after everything that's happened, we just need a little space.

Come on.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Fine.

Good riddance!

Fuck you!

Afflicted… afflicted people.

To my 12 fellow survivors, greetings.

I'm Carol sturka.

Some of you know me. Some of you I've yet to meet.

But…

If you're still one of us…

Then this message is for you.

There is a way to undo this situation.

To turn the world back the way it's supposed to be.

How do I know this?

Because earlier today,

these afflicted people, these others, they basically told me so themselves.

Because guess what? They can't lie.

Which is yet another thing I've discovered.

This alien virus, or…

Whatever it is, it doesn't allow them to do that.

So, what is this solution exactly?

That they didn't tell me.

But they so resisted telling me, that everybody suddenly burst into tears.

Worldwide, apparently.

Which I know upset at least one of you.

And then after that, they completely abandoned the city I live in.

Leaving me here all alone.

Which says to me I'm on the right track.

Now, I realize some of you

think the world might be better off this way,

with all the newfound peace, love and understanding.

Enjoy that opinion.

Relish it.

Because it may be the last one you ever possess.

And when the day comes

that you have peace and love forced upon you, who knows,

maybe in that last fleeting moment

you might just realize you treasured your individuality.

Please, let's work together.

The 13 of us.

'Cause it's gonna take everything we've got.

But these people need saving.

We owe it to humanity.

Call me anytime, day or night.

Good luck and godspeed.

Hello, Carol.

This is a recording.

At the tone, you can leave a message to request anything you might need.

- Yes, yes. - We'll do our best to provide it.

- Our feelings for you… - got it.

- …haven't changed, Carol. - Got it.

- Got it. - But after everything that's happened,

- we just need a little space. - Got it.

It's Carol.

I've made a video.

You're not gonna like it.

However, I want you to make 12 copies

and distribute them to all of the other people like me.

And for those that don't speak English,

I want you to subtitle what I say word-for-word.

I certainly can't force you to do this.

However, you doing it would please me, and I know you're into that.

And conversely, if you don't do it,

I can't be held responsible for the biblically shitty mood

in which I will no doubt find myself.

So, I'm gonna leave it outside on the curb, by a rock.

And I'll stay far, far away 'cause god knows you need your space.

No. No. No, no, no.

Hey!

Get out of here!

Hello, Carol.

This is a recording.

At the tone, you can leave a message to request anything you might need.

We'll do our best to provide it.

Our feelings for you haven't changed, Carol.

But after everything that's happened, we just need a little space.

I want the lights back on. All of them.

Everywhere.

Now.

Hello, Carol.

This is a recording.

At the tone, you can leave a message to request anything you might need.

We'll do our best to provide it.

Our feelings for you haven't changed, Carol.

But after everything that's happened, we just need a little space.

I need my trash picked up.

Hello.

Hello, Carol.

This is a recording.

We can pick up your trash as long as it's bagged,

and each bag weighs 17 pounds or less.

Please remove all bags from the bin

and place them on the curb a minimum of two feet apart.

Thank you.

You motherfuckers sure love your milk.

Hello!

Hello?

Shoo! Hey!

Shoo! Get out of there!

Greetings, fellow survivors.

Carol sturka here with an update.

Here where I live, Albuquerque, new Mexico,

they drink this like it's going out of style.

These are little milk cartons,

the kind we give children in elementary schools.

Back when we had elementary schools.

And children.

And, as you can see, they seem to come in all kinds of flavors.

Plain, chocolate, strawberry, so on.

But the thing is,

it's not milk in any of them.

It is this one strange liquid.

And they make it in this local dairy facility in my town.

Well, made. Past tense.

'Cause as I told you in my previous video,

they've shut everything down here and abandoned me completely.

Which is… you know, whatever. Who cares?

But in this dairy, they make this by mixing water

into…

This white powdery stuff.

Can you see that?

Whatever that is.

And then the resulting liquid is all they seem to consume.

Look around where you live.

I'll bet they are manufacturing this in every city in the world.

Everywhere there's a spare dairy or a bottling factory.

Maybe where you are, it doesn't come in a carton, it comes in a can,

but either way, it's this.

So what is this?

What does it do to them when they drink it?

Could it be that this is how they're all staying connected?

Here's what I know so far.

It does not smell like anything.

But it's got this weird texture.

It's kind of like olive oil, but thinner.

That probably means something.

And I've got no idea what makes it this color.

What would you call that? Amber?

Straw? Straw colored?

And I tested the ph. It is a 7.1, which means…

Hang on, I have it marked.

It is

neutral.

Well, basically, it's neutral.

You know what else is neutral?

Celery.

And water, so…

Yeah.

And it does not contain chlorine.

So…

Anybody listening out there?

How about it, you 12?

Any response?

Are you even getting these? 'Cause how the fuck would I know?

Greetings, fellow survivors.

Carol sturka here with an update.

No.

No!

Get away from there!

Hey!

Fuck.

Why won't you fucking come loose?

Son of a bitch.

Son of a bitch.