All language subtitles for Dream On (1990) S04E23 AI.en

Whoa, whoa, speed racer,
you had a phone call.

- Who is it?
- I forgot her name.

- It started with a D, uh--
- Denise?

Denise! No.

Daddy, Daddy,
Dad-- Da-- Oh, Dolian!

There's no such name as Dolian.

You're right.

Dad-- Daddy, Dorothy, Da--

Doris, that's it, Doris.

The only Doris I know
is my mother.

Didn't I just say
that's your mother called?

I don't suppose
you remember what she wanted.

I don't know, something
about coming to New York,

using your apartment,

gonna have
an operation on Thursday,

something like that.

What are you
talking about, what--

What kind of an operation?

What do you
usually get operated on?

Could be spleen,
could be kidneys,

must be serious coming
all the way up from Florida

for something like that,
don't you think?

Mother, she's ill.

Maybe she's dying.

Oh, my God.

Why does Grandma
have to stay in my room?

She's always leaving
half-sucked candies everywhere.

What the hell?
Knock it off, Jeremy.

She's staying here,
and that's final.

Ah, man, I wanna go to Mom's.

When was the last time
you changed these sheets?

I never changed them.
I thought you did.

Would it kill you
to take a little responsibility

around here, would it?

Geez, Dad, do some
jumping jacks or something.

Sorry.

I'm sorry,
what kind of an insane person

leaves a message
that she's having an operation

without telling you what it is?

I mean, what the hell
am I supposed to think?

Can I go to a hotel?

Lordy's sake.

- Hello, darling!
- Mom, are you okay?

I mean, what's going on?

Hmm, that's some hello.

I get a warmer greeting
at the post office.

Jeremy,
look at that delicious face.

Mom, what's all this
about an operation?

Not now,
here comes the kissing machine.

Mom!

Hey, Gram, how was the flight?

- Ah, what a schlep.
- Mom.

- They served some meat.
- Mom!

I swear I spit

the whole thing right out.

Here, sweetheart.

I bought a present
for you from the plane.

Ah, a pillow.

Mom, I'm going nuts over here.

Now, what the hell's going on?

Not in front of the B-O-Y.

There's not much time
before you, D-I-E.

That's okay,
I have to, uh, G-O N-O-W.

- Goodbye, Jeremy.
- What?

See you later, Grandma.
Hope it goes okay.

Don't worry about me,
I'll be fine.

Mom, Mom, I wanna know

exactly what's going on.

Now, I'm a big boy, okay?

So whatever it is,
I can handle it.

I'm gonna have my face done.

Uh-oh.

What?

They just
pluck the fat out of here.

- Pull you up like this.
- A facelift?

And then you and I will
look like brother and sister.

I don't believe you,

and I can't believe
you're doing this.

I mean, when Aunt Lily got one,

you said
she looked like a football.

That was
before the swelling went down.

Now you
can't even recognize her.

She looks like...
a Gabor.

Absolutely marvelous.

Mom, Mom, you're crazy.

You look just good.

Thank you.

But good is not good enough.

You should see all the girls
at the club looking at Harry.

He's quite a catch, you know.

Sexy, handsome,

not hooked up to a machine.

Mom, come on,
I mean, a facelift?

What, you think
I like having my face
carved up like a brisket?

If that's what it's gonna take

for me to hold on to my Harry,
that's what I 'm gonna do.

Oh, oh, so this is
all Harry's idea, huh?

No, he doesn't know
anything about it.

- And he's not gonna find out.
- What?

I told him that you're having
some emotional problems,

and that's why I came up here
to take care of you.

Oh, I see. That's very colorful.

And how are you gonna
explain the scars, huh?

That I had an anxiety attack,
and tried to rip your face off?

You think I'm stupid?

I've got to count to 1,000
before I answer that one.

After the surgery,
you'll call Harry.

You'll tell him I was in a cab,

and this nun
ran into the traffic

because she wasn't looking.

And the guy
tried to put on his brakes,

and my head went right through
the bulletproof partition.

Forget it. Forget it.

I am not gonna
have any part of this.

Fine, then Harry will leave me

for Sylvia Kaufman,

and there will be
no one in my life but you.

So this nun
runs into the street.

Thank you.

Oh, my God,
this must be a mistake.

I'm supposed to have a semi.

This is a semi.

This is
a dressing room at Loehmann's.

There are bodies everywhere.

Call Dr. Zudikoff.
I am not staying here.

It's just for one night,
Mom, for God's sake.

Oh, really?
Would you sleep with sick women?

Happens all the time.

You're lucky to have this.

People wait weeks for a room,
and they are sick.

Oh, well,
then you should give it to them.

This is totally unacceptable.

All right, Mom,
let's go, come on.

What are you talking about?
We're not going anywhere.

Do me a favor.

Ask the woman by the window
to switch beds with me.

What? No.

She's hardly conscious.

What the hell
does she need a view for?

I will not ask a sick woman
to switch beds with you.

Fine,
make your mother do everything.

Excuse me.

Eleanor.

Eleanor, we're gonna
take a little ride now.

- Mom!
- Give me
a hand at this, will you?

Put it back! Put it back!

Are you insane?

Listen how a son
talks to a mother

about to go under the knife.

Why do you have to turn
everything into a nightmare?

You know,
I used to think your father

was the most
selfish man in the world.

But now you've got
the heavyweight title.

All right, all right, that's it,
I don't need this shit.

I'm out of here.

Fine, leave your mother
alone in a hospital room.

That's just like you.

Yes, yes, that is
just like me, the lousy son.

And here I go.

Just make sure you call Harry.

If Harry does leave you,

it won't be
because of your face!

Nice way to talk to your mother.

Go, have children.

You know, if I was
gonna have plastic surgery,

I'd probably
have my pinkies done.

They're shorter than the rest
of my fingers, you know?

Makes me feel
very self-conscious.

I feel like people
are staring at them.

Like you're doing right now.

Why are you
staring at my pinkies?

You know,
I'm sensitive about them.

Please, please, no!

I'll try to be
more careful in the future.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I have to make
an important phone call.

I do not want any interruptions.

It's just that
ever since I was a kid, I just--

Thank you, goodbye.

Boy, try sharing with you.

Hello?

Hi. Harry, it's-- it's Martin.

Martin, oh, your voice
is like music to my ears.

Thank God you're speaking again.

- What?
- It's all right, Martin.

Your mother told me
all about the depression,

and how it rendered you mute.

Oh, oh, yeah.

Well, I'm a regular
little chatterbox now.

And the impotence?

It's just about gone.

Look, Harry, it's about Mom.

Look, she, uh--

She had a little accident.

My Doris,
what are you talking about?

Martin, phone call.

Calm down, Harry, she's fine,
you know, she's fine.

She's just--
She's got a little banged up.

Oh, my God, my beautiful girl,
what happened?

Well, it's just...

she was in a cab and...

apparently, there was this nun.

Martin, Martin, Martin.

Please let me talk to her.

Uh, talk to her, uh,

actually, Harry,
she's-- she's in the bathroom.

I'll hold.

- At the hospital.
- What?

- But not to worry.
- I'm on the next plane.

Well, Mother,
without realizing it,

you've caused
a great deal of trouble.

Great. What?

May I talk now?

What, what, what, just what?

The hospital is on two.

Hello.

Yes, yes, this is he.

I'll be right there.

What's the matter,
they pull her to a tight?

She was on the table, and she--

she had a heart attack.

Martin, sit down. Come on.

Richard designed these chairs,

they're supposed
to relieve stress.

Thank you, I'll stand.

You know, I should have
just moved the bed.

You know,
what would it have hurt?

I mean, so she wanted a view.

Don't do this to yourself.

And I-- I never said
"Good luck" or "Goodbye."

You know, I just,
I just yelled at her.

Yeah, she
could be difficult.

You know that.

What do you mean, "could?"

You said "could"
like, past tense,
"She could be difficult."

No, no, no,
he meant, he meant "can."

Right, did I say "could"?
She can be difficult.

Yeah, that's right,
I mean, I'm sure

that she'll continue to be
strong and well and difficult

for many years to come.

- Tupper.
- Yes?

Ah, Irvin Zudikoff.

Ah, thank God, thank God,
Dr. Zudikoff, how was she?

Well, I wish I had better news.

But the woman suffered
a serious heart attack, and--

That's a Krasnik, isn't it?

I-- I beg your pardon?

The nose,
Dr. Krasnik, am I right?

- No.
- Well, whoever did it,
damn fine job.

No one did my nose.

Excuse me,
Dr. Zudikoff, my mother--

You know, heart attack,
malpractice suit, huh?

Yeah, well, she's in good hands.
She's got this cardio guy.

Uh, um, Kiernan-- Kinnaman--

Ki-- Ki--
Something, I did his neck.

Is that a very
expensive procedure?

No, no, uh,
call me Monday, we'll talk.

My mother, Doctor, my mother!

Right, right, right,
uh, well, obviously,

the next 12 hours
will be crucial,

but I can promise you one thing.

If she does survive,
she's gonna look fabulous.

I swear by, my mother,
I'll kill you.

- You!
- Watch it, watch it, watch it.

Watch it!

Martin, Martin.

There's no doubt in my mind that
it's a neoplastic situation.

Greetings
on the spinal manometer,
clinch it for me.

And the location of lesions
should cause anesthesia.

Intercranial pressure
will undoubtedly get worse.

There were spasms of acute
pain that increased steadily.

Surgery is absolutely useless.

Death is indicated at any time.

You know, I--

I always thought Dad would be
the first one to go.

How come?

Well, you know, 40 years
in the garment business,

all that bacon.

And of course,
having her as his wife.

Stop it, she's not that bad.

Well, yeah?
Yeah, but she's not your mother.

You now, you don't have to
deal with the phone calls
three times a week.

"What are you doing?

That's what you're doing?
Who you seeing?

That's who you seeing?"

You know, no matter
what I say, you know, I was--

It's never the right answer.

Sure, okay, she--
she can drive you crazy,

but-- but she means well,
and she's got a good heart.

Sorry.

Yeah, I guess, I guess.

God, you remember the first time
I brought you home?

Yeah.

That whole thing about you

being too tall, I mean, just--

No, no, no,
I don't remember that.

What, you mean
like, too tall for you?

Well, you know, I mean,
too tall for your weight.

Oh, you mean skinny.
She said I was skinny?

Well, she never said skinny.

I mean, maybe she said "bony,"

but that was
probably just a reaction
to the whole WASP thing.

You know, the whole bony,
cold WASP thing.

So she thought I was cold?
Bony and cold.

Come on, come on, that was
before she got to know you.

What, so now I'm fat and warm?

There's just no pleasing
this woman, isn't it?

Hey, hey, I really
don't think that's fair.

Oh, I can't believe
you're defending her.

And you hated it
when she came up to stay.

You couldn't wait
until she left.

All right, all right, fine.
Maybe I did want her in Florida.

That doesn't mean
I wanted her dead.

Gee, Mom,
I don't know to say,

and I don't know what to do.

You're doing
just fine, son.

I'm so proud of you.

Just keep on being nice.

And act as though
nothing had ever happened.

You understand, don't you?

Mm-hm.

You're such a little man.

- Martin?
- Ah!

I didn't want to wake you.

You were sleeping so peaceful,
like a little angel.

- It's okay.
- How is she?

Sit down, Harry.

I've got some bad news.

Mom's had a heart attack.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Was it because of the accident?

"Prevaricator,

one who lies,
who does not tell the truth."

There was no accident, Harry.

What-- what about the nun?

Forget the nun.
Forget the nun, Harry.

Mom was in the hospital...

for a facelift.

You just said
it was a heart attack.

Listen, Martin, I understand

you're going through
some emotional problems.

No, no, I am not having
emotional problems, Harry, okay?

I just-- I lied
about the car accident.

Sounds like
emotional problems to me.

Look-- look, Harry,
Mom had a heart attack

while she was having
the plastic surgery.

Because of the accident?
Not because of the accident.

Harry, Harry,
there was no accident, okay?

Mom was having
the plastic surgery

so she could look
younger for you.

What? Why?

To me, she's the most
beautiful thing in the world.

- That's crazy.
- No, no, Harry.

Mom's crazy, you know.

I-- I can't believe this.

If I lose her, I--

I don't know what I'll do.

Me, too.

Hey,
you got a quarter I can borrow?

- Dr. Zudikoff.
- Oh, Mr. Tupper, I'm sorry.

- I didn't know it was you.
- No, no, no, no, no.

Wait, doctor, please,
please, I'm sorry

about last night,
you know, I just--

I just was a little stressed.

Yeah, well,
that's understandable.

How's your mother doing?

How's my mother doing?

How the hell should I know?

You're the doctor, I'm just
the guy in the waiting room!

You know, if you spent a little
time on your backhand,

you wouldn't have to
ask me questions like that!

Hey! Take it easy.

I just figured that since they
took her out of intensive care

three hours ago, you might know.

- What?
- Yeah, she's in her room.

I'm surprised you have
not been up there to see her.

Oh, my God.

Mama.

Hey, when you're ready
to get those jowls done,
you know who to call.

Coffee.

It's from the machine,
I'm sorry, it's--

Thank you.
Oh, no, don't be silly.

Mm, smells so rich,

I feel like I'm in Brazil.

Mom?

Mom, Mom, it-- it's me.

It's Martin.

It's okay, you know,
you-- you're going to be okay.

How do I look?

Well, you look like--

Bandages with ice.

Like you could be my sister.

Really?

You look amazing.

Like Veronica Lake.

That wasn't funny.

Harry?

Harry's here, Mom. Harry, Harry.

Doris, my darling.

I should never
have gotten into that cab.

It's okay, Mom, Harry knows,
you know, I-- I told him.

One lousy favor.

That's all I asked for!

She's back.

Doris,
you didn't have to do this.

Don't you know,
to me, you're the--

the Venus de Milo with arms.

Tell that to Sylvia Kaufman.

I've seen
the way she looks at you.

It's not like
we're married or anything.

Married?

You, uh--
You want to get married?

I'm not going to push.

But you never said.

Well, you never asked.

Married?

Oh!

Doesn't this look delicious?

Eleanor, here.

How about some wedding Jell-O?

It's cool and refreshing.

Well, it's here
if you change your mind.

Thank you.

Uh, I think

the swelling's
going down a bit, don't you?

Uh, must you always
be so brutally honest?

What swelling?

Can barely see it.

Can't even tell.

Uh, I'd like to propose a toast

to Mom and Harry.

Many, many, many more years
of happiness and health.

- Aw.
- What a speech.

So succinct.

So, Doris, how do you feel?

Like a human quilt.
How do you think I feel?

Well, actually,
I'm in about being married.

Well, it's not like
I haven't been married before.

Although,
not to a prize like this.

All right, all right,
honeymoon over.

Bride needs a rest.

Judith, why don't you take
the Jell-O home with you?

I'll only throw it out.

Thanks.

She's still
trying to fatten me up.

Farewell, my beautiful princess.

I shall count the hours.

- Until we are reunited
in the garden of our life.
- Come on, Romeo, out.

- Once again to fly away...
- You too, Mr. Tupper.

Can I just-- just have a minute?

One minute. I've got to watch.

And God bless my mom.

What the hell
are you staring at?

Nothing, nothing, Mom, I'm--

I'm just glad to see you,
you know, I mean, you really

put a scare into us back there.

Well, it was
no picnic for me either.

I know. I know.

Just, you know,
we really thought
we were going to lose you.

Sweetheart,

don't you know that you never
have to worry about that?

If I have done my job right,

and I think I have,

I will always be with you,
even after I'm gone.

You will always
hear my voice in your head.

Wherever you go,

whatever you do.

No! No!