Original subtitles

Perhaps we should... No, wait.

He's done it several times.

It really is the strangest little cough.

SHE COUGHS

Well, it seems the moment has passed.

Well, the good news is his breathing sounds fine.

And you don't think his teeth are troubling him?

His gums were slightly inflamed.

We spoke about avoiding too much sugar in his diet, didn't we?

Oh, indeed we did, and Tricki's been quite abstemious.

That's good to hear.

Well, he's aware of rationing,

and he considers it a small sacrifice,

given what others have made.

Right.

As long as you think he's all right.

He seems perfectly healthy to me. But if that cough does come back...

Oh, don't worry. Uncle Herriot will be

the very first to hear about it...

..won't he, Tricki?

Coming through! Hello, wee man.

Good heavens!

Are these all from the victory gardens?

And there's plenty more where they came from.

A bumper harvest.

You might say too much of a good thing.

Not for you, Tricki.

They're full of sugar.

Afternoon, Mr Farnon. Matthew.

You'll like this - it's come from the victory gardens.

Yes, you were there.

Are you sure you don't mind doing this?

Just a limit to how fast folk can eat 'em.

Course not. Means the fruit won't go to waste.

And, er, we can send some jam up to Pumphrey Manor. Mm.

It's just, er... Not sure where I'm gonna find enough sugar.

Oh, don't worry. I'll just have to do some ringing round, won't I?

Mrs Hall.

You all right there, Siegfried?

I'm afraid there was an incident with Arkwright's sow.

Is it just mud?

I can't promise.

Bucket's on the landing.

I've a load of Tris's waiting to be done.

Right, thank you. Here you go.

Choo, choo, choo, choo, choo. We like this.

Good afternoon, young man. That looks very delicious.

Seems to meet with his approval. Mm-hm.

Oh, erm... were there any calls while I was out?

James took a message - by the telephone.

Mr Dobson, I think. Right.

SIGHS

Oh, good afternoon, this is Siegfried Farnon.

I wondered if I might speak to Miss Grantley.

Oh. I see.

Erm... n-n-no message.

No. Erm, thank you. Goodbye.

Let's see where Daddy's got to, shall we?

Eurgh! What's that funny smell?

Is that you or the piggies?

Come on, then. Where's your daddy?

Oh, hello, sleepyhead.

You all right there?

Sorry. Just needed a minute. Not like you.

Hey, Jimmy, my boy.

It was rather a long surgery.

I think your daddy might be too tired for bath time.

Never!

Hey, my boy.

BABY SQUEALS, JAMES CHUCKLES

Let's see where those duckies have got to, shall we, eh?

Must you always put your feet on the furniture?

Cripes, what happened to you?

Worming a 900lb sow is not a one-man job.

TRISTAN CHUCKLES Suppose not.

You've been having a productive day. Er, I have, actually.

Been marking course papers and feeling rather chuffed with myself.

Managed to squeeze a lot more into their noggins than I thought.

Right. So, might you have some time on your hands

now the course is over? Because we're a bit stretched.

'Fraid not. I've a new batch of students starting imminently.

No rest for the wicked.

Well... don't leave your papers all over the floor.

Lost something?

Oh, just the, er, book I was reading.

I felt sure I'd left it in the office.

Oh. You mean the goat lady's Persian memoirs.

Yes.

Well, I'm sure it'll turn up.

You could work at a desk, you know, like a normal person.

No, no, I like to spread out. Helps me think, you see.

TRISTAN MUMBLES Right.

Ah. Sorry.

Jess, Dash! Dinner!

Oh, my word. That smells good.

You know liver's my absolute favourite.

Let me at it.

If your brother asks, it's all they had.

He already thinks I spoil you.

Is he all right?

Seemed a bit down in the mouth earlier.

Think he's finding it hard work, managing without Mr Carmody.

You know... if you did happen to have a few spare hours...

I am actually fully employed, you know, Mrs H.

No, no, of course.

Just a thought. Any luck?

Dot Fawcett and Mo Roberts both have sugar put by,

so I said I'll pop round in the morning.

That's a good start.

And I'm not going to Heston, so I'll be here to give you a hand.

What?

It's just chopping and stirring - I think even I can manage that.

James - did you take these calls for tomorrow?

Er, if you mean the castration and the possible teeth rasping,

then, yes, I did.

You're aware that I don't currently have an assistant?

I know. It's not ideal.

If the surgery isn't so busy,

I could try and join you for the castration.

Tristan, if you were thinking to borrow the Rover tonight,

you'll need to fill her up.

I will.

Because you did say you'd chip in with some of your petrol ration.

There was at least a quarter of a tank last time I looked.

Besides... I don't have any plans this evening.

Thought you might be driving up to Miss Grantley's...

to "discuss the book".

Miss Grantley is away.

And the tank is, in fact, almost empty.

But don't worry, I'll just do it myself, like everything else.

No, no, it's fine. I'll fill her up.

You know, if you did need an extra pair of hands tomorrow,

I'm sure I could find some time. I wouldn't want to put you out.

That'd be very good of you, Tris. No, it's no trouble.

Well...

yes, if you're sure. Thank you.

But I don't want you breathing down my neck the whole time.

I'm an experienced vet, you know, not some bag-carrying lackey.

I shall try to remember.

Here we go! Oh, look at that!

Get off!

So... how long has she gone away for? Who?

Your lady of the goats.

She's not my lady. TRISTAN CHUCKLES

She just asked my opinion on some of her chapters,

and... I was happy to oblige - that's all.

Very public-spirited of you.

Morning, Molly!

'Ey up. 'Ey up.

So, this is Barley? Hello.

You're very good-natured, aren't you?

He's a little love.

But the breeder said they can get quite unmanageable

if you don't get them done early.

I don't know about that. He seems perfectly placid to me.

Only, I can't take the chance of him turning nasty

if he's around kiddies.

I wanna use him for pony rides. Right.

'Fraid it's the snip for you, then, Barley, old chap.

Let's take him up to the paddock.

This won't take long, will it?

Er, it shouldn't.

CLATTERING Bloody 'ell!

In theory.

SINGS

Oh, there you are. We wondered where you'd gone.

James, can you give me a hand? Good morning!

Ooh! Well, you seem a lot brighter after a night's sleep.

I couldn't be better.

The sun's shining, the birds are singing,

and I'm married to the most beautiful woman in the world!

Have you been sniffing the bottles in the dispensary again?

BOTH CHUCKLE

Good morrow, young Jimmy, my handsome wee boy.

Just like his daddy.

JAMES CHUCKLES

Er, can you help your beautiful wife and handsome boy down the steps?

My apologies. Come on, young Jimmy!

# Dan, Dan, the funny wee man, washed his face with a frying pan! #

Daddy's acting daft, in't he?

Right, now, a quick bit of chloroform...

and you won't feel a thing.

Good God, man, what are you doing?

The animal'll never wake up again. Look at the size of him.

It's fine. It's not like it's an exact science.

Well, that's as may be,

but you still have to calculate an approximate dose,

and then administer it a few drops at a time.

Only if you insist on erring on the side of caution.

Oh, come on, it's basic procedure.

Fine. Do it your way.

Thank you.

Right. There we go.

Now, Molly, if you'd like to walk him round

until he begins to feel unsteady.

Come on.

Yes, Molly, bring him back, would you?

I'd like to administer a few more drops.

Thank you.

There we are. There we are. Nice and steady.

I know. I've only myself to blame.

Not all bad, though.

PHONE RINGS

Darrowby, 2297.

Good morning, Mrs Pumphrey.

What a handsome bunch.

The animals, I mean.

LAUGHTER

Won't be a moment.

I'm afraid Mr Herriot's busy at the moment in morning surgery.

PARROT CAWS

I see.

Well, I could ask Mr Farnon to call round after his visits.

W-Well, yes, you could.

Mr Herriot does seem to be behind.

You might have a bit of a wait, though.

Of course. We'll see you shortly.

Right. Next, we have Mrs Fluffy and Rokesby.

Eh?

LAUGHTER

My apologies - Mrs Rokesby and Fluffy.

LAUGHTER

Wouldn't want to get the two of you mixed up, now, would we?

Might end up giving you a worming treatment.

LAUGHTER

Shouldn't it have kicked in by now?

Only, I've got things to be getting on with.

He's just, erm, proving a bit resistant.

Oh, for the love of God. Give it here.

Oh!

That was completely unnecessary. He'd already had the correct dosage.

And it hadn't had the slightest effect.

If you had even a modicum of patience.

THUD

Well, I reckon that did it.

Just go and hold his head.

PARROT CAWS

Now, you mind your Ps and Qs, you hear me?

The same goes for you too, Mr Prior.

We don't want Polly picking up any more rude words.

Right you are, Mr Herriot. JAMES CHUCKLES

Now, who do we have next? Master Tricki, we meet again.

I'm so sorry to be such a bother,

but you did say I should come back.

No bother at all. Come on in.

Come on in! It is his teeth, you see.

JAMES EXHALES That's better.

It really is unseasonably warm today, don't you think?

Now, you say there's a problem with his teeth?

I'm afraid so. He keeps on pawing at his face.

But yesterday, it was a cough.

That's right, but as I also pointed out...

And tomorrow, who knows what it'll be, Tricki, eh?

Erm, Uncle Herriot,

Tricki is clearly experiencing extreme discomfort

and has been for some time.

Is he really? Cos he looks perfectly happy to me.

Just look at the great furball!

As dogs go, he really is quite ridiculous.

Mr Herriot...

But I promise you, he's the healthiest animal in the world.

He's just a big, spoilt pudding of a dog.

And you are a very, very silly woman to worry so much.

Mr Herriot, are you quite well?

His hair, his size His mouth, his lugs

Shew'd he was nane O' Scotland's dogs...

Good heavens.

But whalpit some place far abroad Whare sailors gang to fish for cod.

JAMES LAUGHS

Erm, you seem to be rather overheated.

I swear to God, it is positively tropical in here today!

James, what are you doing? H-He's delirious.

Burning, singing in the sunshine... Good heavens.

Toward the sun His hands were lifted

Both the palms spread out Against it...

James! Hello there!

How are you?

Right, mind that. Are we going to bed?

I think that's probably best.

CHEERFULLY: Excellent! Come on, James.

I'm afraid you're all gonna have to come back tomorrow.

Mr Herriot is... THEY PROTEST

..indisposed at the moment.

A basin of cold water, as cold as possible.

You have to bathe him to bring down the fever.

BABY CRIES And don't worry.

I shall remain with the baby.

My apologies, Mr Dobson. We were slightly delayed.

Well, you're here now. Morning.

It's good to see you, Mr Farnon. TRISTAN CHUCKLES

I heard you were home. Mr Dobson, you're looking well.

As are you. Egypt, wasn't it?

That's where you've been? That's right.

Well, I never. All the way to Egypt.

And now here you are, helping out your brother.

You must be glad to have him home.

Yes. It's a rare treat. Aw.

Ah, you're a grand fellow.

That's a fine example of a scuffling horse, if I'm not mistaken.

He's a good 'un, all right.

Fellow were letting him go on account of him buying a new tractor.

More fool him.

Does this paragon have a name?

Algernon, but we call him Algy.

Thought you could give him a once-over,

make sure everything's in order.

The fellow said he were six year old.

Yes, could be.

And his teeth might need rasping as they've not been done in a while.

All right, then, Algy, let's see what's what.

It must've taken you a while to get to Egypt -

boats and... and trains and whatnot?

Oh, certainly did.

Yeah, we went all round Africa and then up through the Red Sea to Suez.

All that travelling round the globe.

It's not for the likes of us, is it, Mr Farnon?

Where are they sending you next?

He's currently based in Doncaster. Oh, aye?

Well, I've never been there either.

Well, his heart sounds good and strong.

Let's have a look at your teeth, shall we?

Seeing as you're here, I might have something for you.

Oh, yes? Aye, a little welcome home present.

A dental pick would be useful - if you're not too busy?

Yesterday, upon the stair I met a man who wasn't there

He wasn't there again today...

I think this might be another bout of brucellosis.

I wish that man would go away.

James, did you feel like this last time?

Haven't a clue.

It's over a hundred degrees.

Right, I'm telephoning the doctor.

Aye. Call the doctor.

Doctor Foster...

# Went to Gloucester In a shower of rain

# He stepped in a puddle Right up to his middle

# And never went there a... #

JAMES BREATHES SHAKILY

Of course, one saw it a lot with the Spanish Flu...

..the, erm, fever and delirium.

I very much hope it's not that.

Oh, no, of course not.

I'm sure he'll make a swift recovery.

TRICKI SNUFFLES

Oh, Tricki, do stop doing that. You'll scratch yourself.

Summat does seem to be bothering him. I know.

The poor thing barely slept at all last night.

I really am rather worried.

Why don't you wait and see Mr Farnon?

He shouldn't be long now.

Are you sure? I wouldn't want to be a nuisance.

Not at all.

If you'd like to go through to the sitting room,

I'll you bring you a cup of tea. OK.

Oh, look!

I do think he wants to be friends. CHUCKLES

Oh, perhaps we could stay in here... if we won't be in your way?

Er...

n-no, not at all.

Oh, Helen, did you speak to the doctor?

He says this type of fever's very common with brucellosis.

I'm to keep him cool and comfortable till it breaks.

Did he say how long it might last?

Anything from a few hours to a few days.

There's plenty clean flannels in the linen cupboard.

Thank you.

Do you mind keeping him down here? Of course not.

You just look after James.

I'll put the kettle on.

PHONE RINGS

Oh, dear.

Oh, no, no, d-don't worry. I'll watch him.

If you're sure you don't mind? Not in the least.

Now, don't you get jealous.

That's it. Good boy, good boy!

All done.

You know, you really do have a way with them.

If you were half as pleasant with people, you'd be twice as popular.

Yes, well, life isn't a popularity contest.

Ah-ha! Mr Dobson.

That's never your legendary elderflower wine, is it?

The very same.

But surely, it's too early in the year?

Aye, it won't be ready till Christmas.

But these are the last two from last year,

with compliments from me and the wife.

No, that's too kind, I couldn't possibly.

That really is good of you.

Tristan, would you mind walking Algy back in, please?

What's the verdict? Oh, he's in fine health.

Around six years old, as you were told,

possibly going on seven.

So, his teeth didn't need rasping in the end?

No. They were in good repair. Right.

So, it weren't that big of a job, then?

I suppose not.

So, shall we say two shillings... with the wine, like?

I thought that was a gift. Aye.

But it's still worth a few bob.

It's not like you told me owt I didn't already know.

Siegfried? Have you seen this?

What's that? You've missed something.

Looks like a patch of sweet itch.

Look.

Must've had a reaction to an insect bite.

That's not good, is it? Not if it's left untreated.

But don't worry, I've a proprietary injection that'll clear it up. Yeah.

Are you sure? Absolutely.

It'll only take a second, but there will be a charge.

Aye, all right, then.

MUMBLES:Twenty-one hundred hours, can't be late.

ENGINES ROARING Shh-shh, shh-shh.

Just lie quietly.

Yes, Sir.

Ready for duty, Sir, just need my boots.

TELEPHONE RINGS

ALARM BELL Come on, there's the bell!

Hey, James, James, it's the... it's the telephone.

Try and take a sip of this.

PLANE ENGINE ROARS

You're all right.

You're at home.

You're here with me.

JAMES BREATHES HEAVILY

It's me.

Still using that proprietary mix, are you?

I am.You know they've brought out a new antihistamine?

It's meant to be very effective.

Yes, well, I already have a method that works. Here.

Just saying, if you want to be on the cutting edge...

Just give him the damn injection.

Er...

Is that supposed to happen? Mr Farnon?

It's... It's all fine. Everything's fine.

What's going on?

Mr Dobson, I'm terribly sorry, but it... it seems...

Siegfried. Oh, thank God.

Well, I'm sure this treatment of yours is a good 'un...

..but I have to say, it's a bit drastic.

TRISTAN LAUGHS NERVOUSLY

MUFFLED VOICE ON PHONE

Can you give me one more minute?

Just follow the instructions on the box, same as always.

Thank you, Mrs Hall. Ta-ta, Pippy.

Right. Sorry about that.

No, Mr Farnon's not here either, I'm afraid,

but he should be back shortly.

WHISPERS:Sorry to be a bother, but your pan appears to be bubbling.

Of... Of course. I'll... I'll be sure to have him call.

PHONE RINGS

Good morning. Mr Farnon's Veterinary Practice.

Oh, I see.

Of course.

TRISTAN:Was it something in your preparation?

It can't have been.

He was back up on his feet in a matter of seconds.

Well, what on earth was it? No idea.

Of course, animals do occasionally go into shock

when they're given an injection.

I've just never seen anything that dramatic.

I know. When old Algy keeled over, I think my heart actually stopped.

Precisely why one should always proceed with caution.

It was a straightforward injection.

One never knows how an animal will react.

There's nothing we could have done different.

CAR ENGINE SPUTTERS

TRISTAN COUGHS That is strong stuff.

What's going on?

You said you were going to fill her up.

I thought you were going to.

TRISTAN SIGHS

Where is he? Have you seen him?

Shh, shh, shh.

You're a fine navigator.

MUFFLED PLANE ENGINES

You can do this.

I know...

TEARFULLY:I know you can do this.

HE INHALES Good man, Banerjee.

Oh, James, James, don't, don't.

Good man. Oh...

I should have been with you.

I should have been there.

But they wouldn't let me fly...

I let you down. It's all my fault. HE SOBS

And I'm so sorry.

SOBBING:Banerjee, I'm so sorry I let you down.

It's all my fault. I let you down. Shh...

HE SOBS Shh...

It's gonna be all right, I promise.

HE BREATHES HEAVILY

Helen?

Yeah, I'm here, James. I'm here.

Helen.

You're all right.

TRISTAN:You know, the quickest route would be to go cross-country.

SIEGFRIED: Nonsense.

It's the most direct route... as the crow flies and all that.

"Flies" being the operative word. We, however, are on foot.

Fine, have it your own way.

So, come on, then, spill the beans. What beans?

You and the elusive Miss Grantley. Oh, for God's sake.

Oh, come on, don't tell me the attraction's purely literary.

You've been up there far too often. Something's clearly going on...

Nothing is going on. Mm.

Well, if isn't, it should be.

You've obviously taken a shine to her.

Here. You wanna go cross-country? Fine. We'll do it your way.

Sounds like a good plan.

That way.

TRISTAN GRUNTS IN FRUSTRATION

TRISTAN GRUNTS

May I, once again, congratulate you on your superb navigational skills?

Oh, stop complaining. We'll be fine once we find the track.

Ah, ah, ow, ow!

No, don't pull on it! You'll... You'll rip it.

TRISTAN SIGHS

Just requires a little bit of finesse.

Watch this.

FABRIC RIPPING, THEY GRUNT

Oh, yes, that's much better (!) Sorry.

You know, that is one good thing about the desert -

a lot less obstacles.

Fewer.

Apart from the bloody great sand dunes, of course.

Yes, these dunes -

you observed them from the window of the hotel bar, did you?

I encountered my fair share. Really?

Because I was under the impression

that your time in service had been one long party.

And that's a problem, is it? I just... I don't understand you.

I know what war is like -

how it changes a man, or most men.

But you...

you insist on treating the whole thing like a huge lark.

That's what all this is about, isn't it?

You don't think I've "done war" properly.

What? Am I not sufficiently anguished to your liking?

Don't be ridiculous - that's not what I meant.Yes, it is.

You're disappointed I didn't suffer enough.

You're unbelievable!

God, talk about "misery loves company".

Just because I try and make the best of things,

get out there and have fun - unlike some people.

What's that supposed to mean?

Well, you tell me. You've been like a bear with a sore head for days.

If this is all about a woman... It's nothing to do with a woman.

Well, just do us all a favour

and bloody well ask her out, will you?

FABRIC RIPPING, TRISTAN GROWLS

Ow! Aw, bloody 'ell!

There were two calls about repeat prescriptions -

I've made a note of the details -

and I took a message from Mr Arkwright.

He was a little difficult to understand,

but I believe he has a problem with a cow.

Could it have been a sow?

Quite possibly.

And I hope I didn't overstep, but a woman came to the door,

and I explained that the practice was closed

and she should come back later.

I can't thank you enough, Mrs Pumphrey -

you've been such an help.

You're more than welcome.

You know, Mr Farnon ought to be back by now.

I'll just telephone Dobson's farm, see what's delaying him.

BABY BABBLES

SIEGFRIED: Eurgh...

THEY SIGH

Bloody marvellous (!)

Come on - I'll give you a piggyback.

Oh, don't be absurd.

There's no point in us both getting wet.

THEY CHUCKLE 'Ey up, ducks.

Wait, we need... We need to go back.

What are you doing?The wine! Oh, you forgot the wine.

SIEGFRIED GIGGLES

GROANING:Come on!

SIEGFRIED LAUGHS

I wonder where they've got to.

Mr Dobson said they'd left an hour ago.

You don't think something's happened? Summat's up.

If they don't get back soon,

I'll have to send out a search party.

CHUCKLING:Oh, dear.

Look, perhaps Tricki and I should leave you in peace.

He does seem to be quite a bit better.

Well, only if you're sure.

Oh, Helen, how is he?

Good. He's awake, and he's asking for tea and toast.

Oh, that's excellent news. I'll put the kettle on.

Hello, you! BABY BABBLES

Ooh... Your daddy's feeling better.

So that's good. In't it?

Oh, Helen...

Sorry. HELEN SNIFFS

Love... LAUGHING:Sorry, I'm being daft.

Not at all. It's perfectly understandable.

HELEN LAUGHS

I'm being daft. I'm just being daft!

TRISTAN GRUNTS, SIEGFRIED SIGHS

It's not that I wanted you to have suffered.

TRISTAN HUMS Far from it.

You sure about that?

I just... I...

I imagined we'd have more common ground.

Look, I know that I've been lucky.

No, I didn't mean... No, I have. I know that.

And I know that if I go back, my luck may not hold.

Oh, please, God, let that not be so.

And I know that you wouldn't actively wish me harm.

Well, not actively. TRISTAN CHUCKLES

I was just looking forward to... you coming home...

..to us... you know, being able to... talk man to man.

Well, we've never really been big talkers.

Well, why couldn't we be?

I mean, I know you'd rather be down The Drovers

with James and whoever else, but, you know, just occasionally,

it wouldn't kill you to spend an evening at home.

All right. I'm not saying every night.

Well, no, obviously.

I just...

I would enjoy your company.

I'd like that, too.

I'd rather not play cribbage, though, if it's all the same to you?

THEY LAUGH

Right, then. I should probably go down and fetch Jimmy.

Helen, I really am sorry if I worried you.

James, you were talking to Banerjee...

..the lad you took under your wing.

So he was one of the ones that got shot down?

Him and Hibbert.

They were assigned to another pilot.

What happened to 'em?

Banerjee was badly burned in the crash.

He was taken to a specialist hospital, and he's still there.

And Hibbert?

He died on impact.

And you blame yourself for what happened?

Banerjee was a frightened boy.

I talked him into flying. I persuaded him he was ready.

James, you helped that lad

through the most frightening time of his life.

But I wasn't there when he needed me.

Because of this, this stupid illness,

I let him down, I let them all down.

I'm so sorry.

I didn't know you felt that way.

And here's me...

..thinking this illness was a blessing.

And it was - of course, it was...

But there's a bit more to it than that, in't there?

I suppose there is.

Helen...

did I really call Mrs Pumphrey "a very silly woman"?

Mm!

Ooh, look at all that lovely jam, Jimmy! Very impressive.

Hm! Well, I had to make do with half the sugar,

so it'll only keep half as long.

I doubt that'll be a problem, not in a house full of men.

My Charles always had such a sweet tooth.

I think that's where Tricki gets it from.

I did feel... so very lucky, you know,

to have come safely through the last war.

And then... Charles got ill... and, er...

well, just like that, everything can turn on a sixpence, can't it?

Yes. Yes, it can.

Do you think we should try some of this?

Just to make sure I'm not poisoning folk.

Yes...

How's that?

Cor! Is that tasty?

TRICKI WHINES

I was going to ask her to dinner.

Miss Grantley. I knew it.

So why didn't you?

She asked me to read a few chapters of her book,

said she was interested in my thoughts...

It's an improvement on showing you her etchings.

..so I offered some constructive criticism.

Oh, no.

No, it was mostly just grammatical errors,

the occasional dangling participle - that sort of thing.

And, erm... she wasn't terribly receptive.

We had a... robust discussion, and, erm...

..well, we haven't spoken since.

What, so she hasn't gone away? She may have.

Or that may just be the excuse

her charwoman has been told to give me.

TRISTAN LAUGHS It's not funny.

No, no, it's really not.

But it's also not the end of the world,

and it's not like you to give up at the first hurdle.

Yes, well, I've read the rest of her memoir now.

It's full of tales

of travelling through the "Valleys of the Assassins"

and some sort of romantic liaison with an Arabian guide.

So? So it's all a very far cry from Darrowby.

I doubt she'd even be interested.

You do realise you're forgetting

the most important thing that we have in common.

And what's that?

Our devastating effect on the opposite sex. Oh, please.

It's true - I learnt everything I know from watching you.

The diffident charm followed by a flash of devastating wit.

What utter rubbish!

Ladies of a certain age... find you completely irresistible.

Why, thank you for that damningly faint praise.

CHUCKLING:Mm-hm.

SIEGFRIED HUMS DRUNKENLY

Walk in a straight line, man!

I assure you, I'm walking perfectly straight.

Then why do you keep banging into me?

Oh, good afternoon.

CHUCKLING:Afternoon, Mr Farnon!

Might I remind you that when I was at the AVC,

I was known for my imperviousness to drink.

I could perform any sobriety test they cared to set -

always passed with flying covers... colours.

What kind of sobriety test?

Mrs Pumphrey, I really can't apologise enough.

My behaviour was completely inappropriate

and, as I understand it, quite outrageous.

Oh, please, Mr Herriot.

Let's say no more about it. You were delirious.

That's extremely good of you.

Now I really must be going home. Come along, Tricki.

Oh, look - he's doing it again. I thought he'd stopped.

Is that what he was doing before? Yes, exactly that.

May I? Course.

Come here, Tricki, lad, that's it.

Would you mind holding him, Mrs Pumphrey?

Sorry, Tricki, I just need to...

I don't believe it.

Hm? What's wrong?

There's something stuck between his teeth.

I didn't see it before.

Hang on. TRICKI SNORTS

I've nearly got it. There.

It looks like a tiny chicken bone.

Oh, Tricki, you naughty thing.

Francois said he'd been sniffing around the kitchen.

He must have found the chicken carcass.

That would explain it.

You see - this is what happens when one cuts down on treats.

The poor thing was clearly starving. DISTANT CLATTERING

Ooh! DISTANT LAUGHING

TRISTAN, LAUGHING: You show me how it's done, then!

Watch and learn.

Head back.

It's a question of concentration... Concentration, absolutely.

..and keeping one's focus.

Come on, then - what's the poem?

'Twas brillig... Oh, yes!

And the slithy toves Did gyre and gimble in the wabe

All mimsy were the borogoves...

Good evening, Mr Farnon. Ooh...

Oh, Mrs Pumphrey, good evening.

Lewis Carroll, if I'm not mistaken?

Yes, I was just doing a short, erm, recitation.Little.

Please don't stop on my account.

I-I-I don't remember the rest. No, no...

Oh, of course you can remember it.

All mimsy were the borogoves

BOTH:And the mome raths outgrabe... TRISTAN LAUGHS

Beware the Jabberwock, my son!

The jaws that bite The claws that catch...

ALL:Beware the Jubjub bird...

They're all as puddled as each other!

And shun The frumious Bandersnatch!

Whoa! THEY LAUGH

JAMES: That's your godfather, Jimmy! You absolute sausage!

THEY LAUGH