All language subtitles for vicious_2013_-_s00e01_-_christmas_special_1080p_amzn_web-dl_x265_ghost

you're not up to coming by for Christmas
tomorrow?

I know Freddy would love to see you.

No, he wouldn't.

Well, if you feel any better, do let me
know.

Yes, I'm sure it must be unpleasant to
have a cold at Christmas.

No, I don't think Jesus hates you.

Yes, he does.

I'll call you tomorrow, dear. I don't
know how we'll celebrate without you.

I can't believe your mother lives to see
another Christmas.

Even God doesn't want to spend time with
her.

Well, perhaps we should stop by and take
a bit of turkey tomorrow.

Oh, yes, you're right. It is Christmas,
after all.

Oh, that's fine. Oh, hang on. Give me a
chance to get back up the stairs. I'm

not in the mood to hear one of her long
stories.

Hello, Stuart, darling.

Oh, Freddie.

I'm glad I caught you. I've got some
news.

Oh, have you?

I'm so glad I wasn't already completely
upstairs before Stuart opened the door.

If I have to hear it, you have to hear
it.

Can I get a cup of tea, darling? I just
sat down. I'm going to have to say no.

Oh, all right.

Well, you know how I recently got my
licence as a massage therapist?

No, we did not know that, but in the
interest of brevity, let's assume we

And, well, I suppose I did the one thing
with a client that you're not supposed

to do as a masseuse.

Oh, that's all right, Violet. I'm sure
he enjoyed it.

I fell in love with him.

In only 50 minutes?

No, of course not. It was an 80 -minute
massage.

Give me some credit.

But what can you possibly know about
this man, Violet? I can't explain it,

Stuart. We just clicked.

He accepts me for who I am, and I accept
him for all his weight issues.

And is he very gigantic, Vi?

Well, he's not small.

And I was so hoping to be able to bring
him to dinner tomorrow.

Oh, he's quick.

Marvellous. I'll bring an extra turkey.

And his special chair.

Hello, Wes!

Hi. Come in. Violet was just telling us
about her new boyfriend.

How much bigger than Ash would he be?

Ah, he would be about 15 Ashes.

Congratulations, Violet. I'm very happy
for you.

I have to say, I'm a little jealous.

Really, Ash? Because if you're serious,
just tell me. I'm joking, I'm joking.

You are joining us for Christmas
tomorrow, Ash? That's what I wanted to

you about.

You remember how both my parents are in
prison?

Of course we do.

Why don't we know anyone normal?

Oh, well, I only ever had one real
Christmas. It was right before my dad

Domino's Pizza and my mum ran over a
boyfriend.

But it was great because we were all
together.

What magical childhood memories.

Well, since then, you've kind of become
my family and I wanted to say thank you

somehow.

So I was hoping you'd let me cook
Christmas dinner tomorrow.

Oh, that's not necessary, Ash. And
anyway, I usually cook a special.

Please, Stuart, it would mean a lot to
me. Oh, let him do it. It couldn't be

worse than the war crimes you commit
every year in that kitchen.

All right.

Thank you, Ash. You know that Mason and
Penelope are also coming. And I'll be

bringing my new boyfriend.

Yes, so you should probably start
cooking now.

And I should start preparing for my new
role.

You're working today?

Oh, yes.

The actor's life. You know how it is.

Well, actually, you don't know how.

Because you're just all ordinary people.

What's the part?

Well, as he's an older man under a
tremendous amount of pressure at work,

run the factory, but not his personal
life. And consequently, he's a very

portrait individual.

He's playing Father Christmas at White
Lewis.

Merry Christmas, Balthasar.

Don't you want the bone?

Christmas, Balthasar.

Why is he all wet?

I've no idea.

Well, are you all right after last
night?

I don't want to talk about it. I told
you to just play him like Father

Christmas. Oh, what does that even mean,
Stuart?

He's a man. He's a three -dimensional
person. I can't just play him like

Christmas. I've got to play the truce.

Truth is, he's supposed to be jolly, not
suicidal.

He's under a lot of stress. He has to
deliver a billion presents in one night.

It was a different interpretation.

If that crowd couldn't understand it,
that's not my fault.

They behave like children.

They were children.

I'm not going to have this discussion
with you. You're not a creative person.

Should we exchange our presents now?

Yes. My present is I supported you for
49 years. What did you get me?

A burial plot.

I hope you get to use it soon.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas, Ash. Look at all this!
You must have spent a fortune on it.

Well, we're not paying you back.

You offered.

Are you sure you're all right doing all
this?

Yeah, my mum used to be a really good
cook.

When she wasn't drunk.

Which was all the time.

Why wasn't I enough for you, Mum?

Anyway, it's my pleasure.

Oh, I'll do.

Freddy, do you want to help me unpack
the shopping?

I don't, actually.

I'm hoping you can help me. I'm looking
for the flat of Stuart Bixby and Freddie

Thornhill. Do you happen to know where
this address is?

It's Stuart, Penelope.

Of course.

Merry Christmas, Stuart. Merry
Christmas, Penelope. Well, come in.

So then you don't know where this
address is?

Now, where's Mason? I thought he was
coming with you.

He's our friend.

Remind me to check your prescriptions
later.

Merry Christmas, Penelope.

Oh, Merry Christmas, Freddie. Where
should I put the presents?

Under the tree, dear.

And do you say the tree is in this room?

Oh, just keep it to me.

Merry Christmas, Penelope.

Would you like something... Don't ask
her any questions.

Just let her get settled in first.

Where's Violet and her boyfriend?

I hope she didn't get stuck in traffic.

Or sat on.

That must be them.

Please, darling, let's not do this now.

I'm sorry, Violet, but we have to.

It sounds like they're having a very
private discussion.

I think we should respect that.

You see, I've met somebody else.

Oh.

Since breakfast.

I hope you understand.

Of course.

Would you mind putting that hamburger
down so we can have a proper goodbye?

Everybody make a lot of noise.

and the conversation was so loud we
couldn't hear anything else.

Is that violent? I didn't even hear you
come in. Did you hear I come in there?

No, because we were all talking so
loudly. Yes, we were all talking so

didn't hear a thing.

I don't care if you all know.

I brought a cake, but he ate it in the
taxi.

I'm sorry if I...

It's all right, darling. The important
thing is we're all together.

That's right.

We're here for you. Whatever you need.

Thank you, darling. Could I maybe stay
the night?

No.

Now, who would like a drink?

I'd love a drink.

Really? Because I don't smell anything
cooking.

Oh, right.

Ask the officer to cook us all dinner
and then wash everything up.

And also do our laundry for a week.

Isn't that wonderful?

Well, I didn't really offer... Happy to
do it?

Oh, Freddy, I wish I could have seen you
playing Father Christmas.

The children must have adored you.

Not really.

Oh, yes, and my performance went way
over their heads.

I blame the parents.

I mean, what are they teaching these
children?

That Father Christmas just magically
shows up and then delivers all these

presents every year?

Yes, he's Father Christmas. That's what
he does.

How's the dinner coming on, Ash? Almost
ready.

Should we just another three hours?

Three hours? What the hell are you doing
in there?

I'm following my mum's recipe.

And does it involve running over the
turkey and then getting sent to prison?

Because we want to eat today.

I'm sorry it's taking so long.

Oh, no, don't feel badly, Ash. It's just
so lovely. You're doing all this for

us. You take as long as you need.

You really mean that? Yes, of course I
do.

Yeah, I've an idea.

While we're waiting, why don't we all
play a game?

I don't want to play.

Oh, come on, it'll be fun.

No.

Where's your Christmas spirit? I said
no. Oh, come on, Freddy.

Leave me alone.

Look, it's bad enough we have to wait
for that little shit to finish. God

what he's doing in the kitchen.

So you're going to sit there and you're
going to play a game because it's bloody

Christmas.

I'm frightened.

I thought he said it was OK that it was
taking so long.

Yes, of course it is, dear.

Well, I think a game is a fantastic
idea.

What about strip poker?

Oh, no, thank you. There's not one body
part in this room that ever needs to be

seen in daylight again.

Well, maybe one body part.

I was talking about your penis.

Was that clear?

Yes. Good.

Well, I was thinking about Truth or
Dare.

You can always learn something new about
people playing Truth or Dare.

I love Truth or Dare.

We used to play it all the time when I
was a kid. That's when my dad ended up

robbing Dobbynose.

I don't want to hear any more about your
family today.

Violet, why don't you go first?

Oh, one second.

or dare dare I don't know what it is she
wouldn't do

can I get back to you on this would you
like to go

next sure truth or dare truth is there
something burning in the kitchen

that's a bit of a weird question I don't
know it

Too bad.

I already had a dare picked out for him.

If I don't get to eat something soon,
I'm going to

kill somebody.

But not really, though, right?

How's it going in there, Ash?

Everything's under control now.

I have to take the turkey out of the
oven in one minute.

And the potatoes are a bit burned, but I
think they're OK.

You want a taste?

You all right?

What's the matter?

Oh, God.

Oh, no.

Swallow. Swallow it.

Is it too dry?

Water. I need water.

You scared me, you little piece of...
Okay!

Just have to take the turkey out of the
oven.

Ah, yay!

Do you need any help, darling?

Oh, God. What am I going to do about it?

Everything was perfect. I ruined it. I
ruined Christmas dinner. Stupid, stupid.

That's what we've done.

Miss Mason, anyway, you should be here
by now.

Well, usually cats just come and go as
they please.

Try opening a tin.

What?

Well, is he all right? Yes, everything's
fine.

He'll just need a few more minutes,
that's all.

Let's continue with the game.

Stuart, why don't you go next?

Me?

Really?

Oh, I don't know what to say.

But if everybody thinks I should, I
will, but... Stop acting like you just

the X Factor.

Truth or dare?

Truth. Oh, I am so excited.

Relax.

You'll have to excuse, Stuart. This is
the first time anyone's asked him a

question for over 50 years.

Oh, I've got a good question.

Hello, Stuart.

Have you ever had sex with a woman?

Sex with a woman?

How could he have accomplished that?

A team of scientists working round the
clock couldn't devise a pill strong

enough to make that happen.

Can I change my go to dare?

No. You have to answer the question.

What the hell are you stalling for,
Stuart?

The only woman you ever shared a bed
with was your mother until you were 13.

I'll answer it for him. No.

Yes.

I have.

I don't believe you. It's true.

You're lying.

No, he isn't.

Right, there was something new to learn
about each other.

New and revolting.

It's like two stuffed teddy bears going
at it.

Doesn't even seem physiologically
possible.

Well, it was, believe me.

Well, I don't understand how.

Well, the brain sends signals which
cause the blood...

I'm not talking to you anymore.

Well, I don't see why you're getting so
upset. It was ages ago. We were both

young and attractive and I was still
confused about my sexuality.

Confused? Your hips switched so much I
thought you were a samba dancer.

Look, you and I had just met.

Penelope was single and it was only one
night. Two nights.

Why is your memory so vivid all of a
sudden?

Anyway, let's continue with the game.

There's nothing to be done about it now,
anyway.

I could even the score. You slept with
Penelope, I should sleep with Violet.

That is insane!

I slept with Penelope 50 years ago, so
you're going to sleep with Violet? Isn't

that insanity, Violet?

I can be very loud.

For God's sake, Violet, get down from
there. Nobody wants to sleep with you.

Oh, I was just making a point. I know
that. I was making a point, too.

What was your point?

I don't know.

I didn't think there'd be a follow -up
question.

It's your turn now, Freddy.

No, we're not still playing this game.

Oh, yes, we are.

You still haven't gone yet. Well, I
don't want to play. Yeah, well, you're

to. These are the rules you have to
play.

Fine. Truth or dare, Freddy?

Dare.

Dress up as Father Christmas and then
have everyone sit on your lap.

That was going to be my dare for Ash.

I'll do it.

Finally, I get to perform my Father
Christmas for an adult audience instead

wasting it on those idiot five -year
-olds.

I must warn you, it's a very layered
performance.

So you might not get everything right
away.

Oh, just shut up and put the whiskers
on.

And then you all sit on my lap.

Except you.

husband died on Christmas Day and it was
more enjoyable than this.

Ash, what are you doing? Ash?

Oh, well, thank God I put everything
back together, but then I noticed that

Balthazar was missing.

I think he ate some of the mince pies
and the sugar gave him this crazy burst

energy or something because now he's
gone.

What's going on in here?

Please don't hit me.

Well, it seems Balthazar ate some mince
pies and ran off.

his tiny wheelchair in two years?

Where did he go?

Do we know anybody who has a dog?

Where is he? I don't know. He was moving
very quickly.

There he is.

Ho, ho, ho.

I knew I should have cooked.

Well, sandwiches.

That's nice, Ash.

I'm not at all upset.

How's the back doing?

It's OK.

I'm just glad I was able to break
Freddy's fall.

Yes.

Have I thanked you for that?

No.

Oh.

Are you sure you're all right, darling?

Yeah. It only hurts when I move.

Poor thing.

Here.

It's okay.

I'm a licensed massage therapist.

That... That actually feels great.

See? I can also be gentle.

If you take your shirt off, I can really
get in there.

Bowser's probably going to be sleeping
for quite a few... Well, forever.

Right, Freddy.

I was just thinking how grateful I am
that we're all here together today.

We might have our differences, but we'll
always be family. What a beautiful

thing to say.

And I truly meant it, Penelope.

Even though you're a huge slag.

Thank you.

important thing.

You know, the reason sometimes I think I
haven't met the right person yet is

because I've been looking for my very
own Freddy or Stuart my whole life.

Oh, my.

Please don't compare your filthy
relationships with ours.

I couldn't live without him.

You won't need to.

You'll definitely be one of those
couples that will die one right after

other.

I thought Mason was coming too today.

Well, yes, he was supposed to. I've no
idea what's happened.

Stuart. Hmm?

All those years ago when we... Did you
know even then that you were...

Oh, God, yes.

I had to pretend you were Gregory Peck.

Oh, let the machine answer.

That was nice of him to call.