All language subtitles for DMV s01e07 There is No I in DMV.eng

Hi there.
At the North Hollywood DMV,

we are driven to please.

(reverse beeping)

? ?

We go the extra mile.

Three, two, one.

And every turn is a you turn.
(chuckles)

Drive safely, teen.

Ooh, that's a nice shot.

Because at the NoHo branch,

- it's not just the DMV...
- (horn honks)

...it's the DM-We.

Smack my puppy, he's beautiful.

Do not drop me.

VIC:
Yo, Barb.

Stall three's clogged up again

in el ba�o.

Real Chernobyl sitch.

- I'd grab a mop.
- (exhaling heavily)

? ?

Good morning, East Hollywood!

I know I brought you guys
in early, but not for work,

for fun. We're doing

a team-building exercise!

So, work.

BARB:
If this branch is gonna survive,

we need to do better.
Like North Hollywood.

- (groans)
- Really?

Which means
improving communication.

It's happening. We're finally
getting real Wi-Fi.

- We're getting trust.
- Oh.

So, we're gonna blindfold up.

Eh?

Then we're gonna
guide each other

through the maze
that I stayed up

all night working on
with my cats.

The goal is to figure out
how to reach the suspended...

GREGG:
I figured it out.

I'm sorry, Tanya won't let me

eat junk food at home.

She's worried about my heart.

That's not fair.
I want a doughnut.

- Yeah, go splitsies?
- GREGG: Mm-mm.

BARB: Okay, we can still
learn about teamwork,

even if there's no reward
at the end.

- 'Cause the real prize?
- COLETTE AND VIC: Mm-hmm?

Is being a team.

(laughs)

Hard pass.

COLETTE:
I'm fasting anyway.

Come on.

What's the dealio, bro?

Well, I think it might be dying.

(whispers):
Come on, old girl.

- Yeah.
- (laughs)

GREGG: You said that the copier
would be delivered this morning.

We can't pretend to work
without it.

Get 'em, Greggory.
Threaten their children.

COLETTE:
Oh, hey.

How was your weekend?

Yeah, good. Uh, Mary and I,
we went to the beach.

- We walked by this wedding...
- Mm-hmm.

...and she snuck up and snagged
this bottle of champagne.

- (laughs)
- Ugh, a felon.

Maybe an alcoholic.

Red flag city, bruh.

No, I mean, she's a rebel.

And she's always taking risks,
and I love that about her,

- you know?
- Oh, yeah.

Same. Me, too.

I've done tons of bad stuff.

Oh, really? Like what?

Oh, God, there are so many.

Uh, hold on,
let me get you a good one.

- Okay.
- Um,

just so many
I could just throw out there.

Oh, nope.

- Don't tell him that one.
- (both chuckle)

Hey, how about
you keep thinking?

I'm just gonna go do this, yeah?

- Yeah.
- Okay, look, you can keep saying

that it was delivered
at 8:12 a.m.

in a big blue box.
It doesn't mean that it's true.

Okay?
Oh, you want a picture of it?

A picture of it not delivered?
Okay.

- It's not here
and it's not here. - (camera clicking)

- (scoffs) They hung up.
- (groans)

Would you guys say
that I'm a rebel?

I could say it.

'Twould be a lie.

Yeah, you're goody-goody.

You don't even
double-dip a chip.

That is about hygiene.

VIC:
Face it.

You're a teacher's pet, Colette.

(both gasp)

BOTH:
Teacher's Co-Pette.

That is not fair.

Just last week,
this Teacher's Co-Pette

did not return the shopping cart

all the way back to the stand.

- Mm-hmm.
- Woof.

Did you give it
to another customer?

I did.

- Mm-hmm.
- Mm.

Yeah. Bye.

Watch out.
I'm off to break something.

BOTH:
Okay, Co-Pette.

(both laugh)

? ?

This is why we need
to work on team-building.

North Hollywood is on
the cover of 10 and 2,

third year in a row.

The DMV has a magazine?

Yes, and an internal TV network.

They love to spend money
on "not us."

Beau Young.

His employees work
so well together,

they're literally lifting him
up on their shoulders.

When was the last time
you guys did that for your Barb?

I'm so sick of hearing
about North Hollywood.

NoHo blows.

They're like the golden child
who cleans his room

and does his homework

and gets to climb into bed
with Mike and Nancy

because he's
their biological son

and it's thunder and lightning
outside and it's scary.

I heard NoHo has working locks

on their bathroom stalls.
We use tape.

I heard they have
a soft serve machine

- in their break room.
- No.

Tanya hasn't let me have
soft serve in nine years.

BARB:
These are all just tall tales,

like Paul Bunyan
or blood pressure.

Okay? What is real

is their
average processing time.

In there, it says
people are only waiting

five minutes at the window.

Our APT? A pathetic 12.

- The difference?
- Seven.

It's seven minutes.

I mean... math is for losers.

Who wants to help me
kill a nerd?

You're bad at this.

- Yeah.
- If NoHo is so fast,

maybe I should
register my van there.

Wait a minute, Noa.

That is a great idea.

We're all going over there
during lunch.

Oh, my God! Shotgun!

And I'm gonna wait
till the last second

to buckle my seatbelt.

Great. I just got to hit
the boom boom room.

May I have the bathroom tape?

Yeah. I got you.

Thank you.

The connect-a-dot is a real
brain-buster this month.

There goes my afternoon.

COLETTE:
Good luck, buddy.

(car horns honking)

AUTOMATED VOICE:
Now serving...

Whoa.

...at window number eight.

Welcome to North Hollywood.

? ?

Take it all in. (inhales)

The smell of success.

That is vomit.

And it looks an awful lot
like our DMV.

Yeah, but they're
twice as productive.

We're going to see
how they do it.

Now, I want us
to stick together as a team.

Here are your assignments- oh.

And you're gone.

Beverly Cleary!

- (beeps)
- (inhales sharply)

Sweet zippy-nippy.

Four minutes and 32 seconds.

Oh.

What sorcery are you up to?

BEAU:
Hi there.

(gasping)

Bye. I mean Beau. I mean hi.

Did you come over here
'cause you recognized me

- like I recognized you?
- Well,

I came because
we've had complaints

of a woman dressed
like a movie theater usher

timing customers.

Guilty as charged.

Barb Berry,

Department of Motor Vehicles.

Manager at East Hollywood.

Oh. "Least Hollywood."

- (laughing)
- (weak chuckle)

- Oh...
- Oh. I'm kidding.

Sorry, little comedy joke.

But, uh, I heard
they shut that place down.

Something about a fire
or a flood,

or was it rats?

That was actually
all one incident,

but, nope, we're still kickin'.

Congrats on the 10 and 2
article, by the way.

Riveting stuff.

Oh, this is out. (laughs)

How cool.

And there's copies
out front? What?

(laughs) Yeah, I don't know
how they saw this,

but some firemen asked me

to be in their calendar.
I said no.

But, sure,
I'll sign this for you.

Aw, thanks.

I really just wanted
to pick your brain.

I brought my team here
to see how your branch

is so daggone efficient.

Ah. A field trip, huh?

Yeah. I took my team
to a Dave & Buster's.

They all used their tickets
to get me thank-you prizes.

I didn't even ask. (chuckles)

That is so cool.

Well... here you go, friend.

Keep driving.

See ya.

BARB:
Whoa.

Even his shoes can drive.

- (laughs): Hey, boss.
- Hey, Paulo.

Hey, finally watched E.T.

Plot hole city. (chuckles)

"Keep driving, Borb"?

Oh, I guess I'll just change
that "O" to an "A"

and get it to the frame shop.

There you go.

What? You want me to sign it?

Sure.

A sprinkle.

Clear evidence that there is
soft serve in this building.

Uh, I don't think
that's a sprinkle.

Let me see.

Hmm.

Could be rat bait.

- It is a sprinkle.
- I knew it.

You thought it wasn't
and you still ate it.

Look, if you're gonna

- join us on this mission...
- Yeah.

...you better be cool with
eating stuff off the ground.

No problem.
Yum, yum in my rebel tum-tum.

All right, baddie,
prove yourself.

Figure out how to get past
security over there.

(scoffs)

I can get back there easy.

Easy-peasy for a rebel
like measy.

- I'm gonna stop rhyming.
- Mm. Mm-hmm.

Watch and learn.

AUTOMATED VOICE:
Now serving...

(chuffing)

Hey, hello. (chuckles)

If I, uh, if I gave you $20,

would you be able
to let me in the back?

Boss, we got a briber.

- No. No, no, no.
- BEAU: What?

- Oh, no. No.
- No, no, no. I'm not a briber.

- That's not true.
Why'd you do that? - Ma'am...

I'm not a briber.

Okay. Everybody has to wait

until their number is called,
ma'am.

Yeah. I work here.
Not here here.

But, uh, just east of here.

- Okay, you know what?
- (feedback squeals)

Attention, everyone!

This lady was cutting the line.

Apparently, she thinks her time

is more valuable than yours.

- (booing)
- COLETTE: Uh...

- Oh, oh, no.
- Boo!

No, no, no. No, no. Not cutting.

Although I would
in another context.

- 'Cause I'm a baddie.
- Mm-hmm. Sure.

Let me guess,
you have to catch a flight.

I've heard it all before.

A flight to catch? Think again.

I actually hate flying
because I get motion sickness.

I scream when
the little wheels come down

and I don't understand
the science of flight.

(booing)

Oh, boo. Like you do.

It's just lift and thrust
overcoming gravity and drag.

- Yeah, but the wheels
on the plane are... - Security!

They're not gonna come.
It's the DMV.

- BEAU: They are gonna come.
- Th-They never come.

Can you let go?
You're embarrassing yourself.

- This is
the North Hollywood DMV. - Oh, wow, they came.

They're really fast here. Oh.

She's strong.

BEAU:
All right, everybody.

Back to work.

Sorry about that.

? ?

Hello.

Hey, I-I know you're used
to dealing with angry cust...

- First name?
- Uh, Kanoa.

K-A-N-O-A.

- (typing)
- AUTOMATED VOICE: Now serving F27

at window number eight.

(continues typing)

- Hey, what are-
what are you...? - Window five.

Really?

(stammers)
Wind...

But that's-that's a bit weird.

I thought you could
do registrations

from any window. It's...

All right, I will...

go get another ticket.

And, hey, um...

don't let anyone
take your sparkle.

Keep it in your pants, horndog.

Okay.

? ?

Hey, Keith. Nice shirt.

See you at softball tonight.

Be cool.
You're gonna get us busted.

I'm as cool as they come, bro.

Sup, nerds? I got juiced.

VIC:
What are you still doing here?

Thought you'd be getting fitted
for an orange jumpsuit

- right now.
- I just snuck out.

- Pretty badass.
- GREGG: Hmm.

What's the deal
with the juice box?

I got so nervous, they thought
I was gonna pass out,

so they gave me one.
(chuckles)

- (shushes)
- (low mechanical humming)

Do you hear that hum?

That's no ordinary refrigerator.

That's the sound of
an Electro Freeze 15RMT.

- Soft serve?
- (Colette gasps)

- We're close.
- (exhales)

Come on.

Hey. Look.

- Soft serve machine?
- No.

A.m. delivery, big blue box.

VIC:
Those punks.

This is our copy machine

that they got
and didn't tell us.

NoHo, they didn't.

(slurping)

- Let's steal it.
- Ah.

- As if.
- You would never.

Oh, really?

Then why am I picking it up?

(groans)

Then why am I trying
to pick it up?

Are you two
just gonna stand there

like a couple of soft serves,
or are you gonna help me?

- Let's do this.
- Thelma and Louise.

On three. One, two, three.

- Whoa.
- Oh.

That is...

- VIC: Oh...
- I shouldn't have

worn heels today.

- (knock at door)
- Guess who-oo?

Don't, actually.
It's me, Borb, from earlier.

What are you doing back here?

Helena!
You're supposed to be my moat!

I was wondering if we could
talk, manager to manager?

Yeah, I-I'm very busy. Helena!

Helena!

God, what,
is she finally having her baby?

Look, whatever you want
to know, it's in the article.

Rodge did a great job.

There's talk of a biopic.

That's not why I'm here,
but title pitch: Run DMV.

Yeah, I already thought of that.

And, uh, why are you here?

Our branches run the same,

but you have a five-minute
average processing time.

Your team's so good.

What's your secret?

(sighs) Okay, grab a pen.

- (gasps)
- Uh, no, not that one.

(chuckles)
Gift from Mariah.

- We register all her rides.
- She's stunning.

- Okay, you ready?
- Yeah.

Here's the secret.

There is no secret.

A team is only as good
as its manager.

So you're saying that
if my team's not...

good at working together,
that it's my fault?

If the shoe fits.

Y-You're wrong, Beau Young.

I've honed my team
into a dedicated group of...

Oh. (chuckles)

The picture of me and LL Cool J?

Of course I call him Todd.

That's a screengrab
from security footage,

but we're tight.

That is cool, sir.

And check this out.

- (exhales)
- (opens drawer)

It's the feather from
the opening of Forrest Gump.

Yeah, I have to go
to the boom boom room.

Immediately. Sorry. See ya.

Run DMV. Freakin' genius.

? It's like that ?

? It's like that. ?

Keep the weight on your back,

- not on your knees.
- BARB: Hey!

What in the Raiders of
the Lost Ark are you guys doing?

Stealing.

It was my idea.

Yeah, there was a mix-up.

This is ours.

Also, there is definitely
soft serve in there,

but, um, this took precedent.

Okay, this needs to go
back inside right now.

- That's an order.
- No.

- VIC: You gonna come help?
- Come on.

What about all that teamwork
you talk about?

This is not the teamwork
that I wanted.

Barb, a little less talky-talky,

a little more chippy-inny?

Oh, okay.

Yeah, you got to go
to window eight.

Really?

Dude, I...

I literally just came
from window eight. What are...?

Is this guy giving you guff?

No! No. (chuckles)

No guff given.

Guff is what you would get
from a problem customer.

Whereas I'm... I'm...

headed to window eight.

Window eight.

? ?

Hey, everybody.

We're home! (laughs)

Oh, no.

- Look.
- Oh...

Oh. Oh, no.

Oh, no.

VIC:
Why is this suddenly so heavy?

- (clattering sharply)
- D'oh.

Oh, gosh.

- Aw, that's busted.
- Oh.

Hey, why are there two copiers?

BARB:
Oh, I'm the worst manager ever.

Oh, no.

So we-we stole?
We committed a crime?

I'm a felon?
(giggles nervously)

Well, if it's any consolation,
they'll still let you work here.

VIC:
Hold on.

Where's the new guy?
Let's blame him.

(gasps)
Noa.

- We left him at NoHo.
- Oh, calm down.

Oh, my God. I stole a copier
and abandoned an angel.

Noa is chill. He won't be mad.

It's like you guys are trying
to be bad at your jobs!

Really!

Five, eight,
five, eight, five, eight!

Make up your mind, Brenda!

I can't live with this.

I'm not a rule breaker.
I'm a rule follower.

I would marry the rules
if it were allowed, rules-wise.

And she's back,
our little Co-Pette.

BARB:
There's only one person to blame here.

Barbara Jason Berry. (groans)

I'm never gonna be like Beau.

COLETTE:
Well, c-come on. Don't say that.

You know, you're-you're
a great manager.

You guys never even
call me "boss."

GREGG:
That's not true. Just this morning

I told Tanya
my boss was making me

come in early
to do something stupid.

See?

I meant from a place of respect.

Oh, yeah.

Then no.

(all grunting, murmuring)

Okay, down, down,
down, down, down.

- (Barb groans)
- Yo no comprendo.

Why are we giving them
our working copier?

Because we broke theirs.

It's the right thing to do.

So I don't go to jail.

Well, the door's locked,
so we can't sneak it in.

Wait, guys, this building is

basically a mirror of ours,
which means...

That everyone inside is happy
and fulfilled.

No, that that's the window
to the women's restroom.

- Where Colette got stuck?
- Oh.

I don't think people
remember that.

- We remember.
- Never forget.

We just need to get
one of us through

so we can go open the door.

COLETTE:
But how? I mean, it's too high.

We need to work together
as a team...

a pyramid team.

Okay, easy.

Easy. Barb, you good?

Oh, I was born to be a bottom.

If this kills me,
that would be good.

COLETTE:
Okay, I'm going up.

Nobody look at my feet.

What?

Well, now that you've said that,
I've got to see 'em.

- Don't. Please don't.
- Ow.

You guys, we're doing it.

The window is the doughnut!

Oh, wow. No rusty nails.

NoHo really has it going on.

Okay.

(grunts)
Oh, wow.

Yeah. This is a men's room.

Guess now's a good time to admit

I was a male cheerleader.

Go Comets.

Dismount.

Okay.

Good job, guys.

- Heyo! Come on!
- Yes!

- Yes, sir, yes, sir, yes, sir.
- Whoo!

(gasps)
No, no, no, no, no,

- no, no, no.
- VIC: Ah...

(groaning)

Hey. We're gonna take it
from the top. Come on.

? ?

(groans)

(exhales) I can't believe
we pulled that off.

Same.

Did you?

Well, well, well, looks like

somebody didn't make it
to their flight.

- I never had a flight.
- Yeah, I know.

Because you were too busy
stealing my copier.

Yeah, that's right,
I saw everything on my cameras.

I was hoping
your pyramid would collapse

so I could post it
on my very successful

- TikTok fails account.
- BARB: Beau, please.

This is all just
a huge misunderstanding.

Well, have fun explaining
that to Sac-town.

Sac-town? (snorts)

- Does he hear himself?
- "Sac-town."

Say goodbye to your branch,
Least Ho.

There you guys are!
I thought you'd left me!

- No. We'd never.
- Uh, no.

- Literally never.
- What?

Man, this place is the worst!

It's the devil's merry-go-round!

I knew there was a rugby player
in there somewhere.

Wow, I'm scared, but I like it.

Wait, this guy's
one of yours, too?

Is anyone working
at your branch?

Is anyone working

- at your branch?!
- Oh, my God.

They have a low
average processing time

because they've rigged
the system.

If they can't solve
your problem in five minutes,

they send you to another window

and then they close your ticket.

- Five, eight,
five, eight, five, eight. - What?

That's the most evil thing
I've ever heard.

Oh, yeah. They finally told me
that to register my van,

I had to go back
to East Hollywood.

Oh. That place sucks.

Wait. So the secret is...

you cheat?

(scoffs)

(scoffs twice)

I'll take that triple scoff
as a yes.

BARB:
I looked up to you, Beau.

But you know what?

You don't deserve the cover
of 10 and 2.

You're just a snake
in wheelie shoes.

Yeah, man, you deserve
the cover of 6 and 9.

I'd rather work for Barb
any day.

Really?

You know what?
Let's get out of here...

boss.

- You called me "boss."
- Wait, hold on,

you still stole my copier.

Hey, hey.
You got something on us,

we got something on you.

No need to tattle.

'Kay?

- Hmm?
- All right, then.

Are we done here?

- (scoffs)
- BARB: Yeah.

Nah.

- Psych. (chuckles)
- Loser.

One more thing.

Do you or do you not...

have a soft serve machine?

I stole it from the McDonald's
I used to manage.

I knew it!

Here are the terms
I'm prepared to offer:

one cone, no toppings.

(Gregg chuckles)

(Gregg and Vic laughing)

(whispering)

Here's our counter:

two cups, one topping.

(whispers)

Maraschino cherry.

(chuckles)

Nice try. "Cups"?

(scoffs) I say yes,
you're filling up buckets.

I once got banned

for bringing a duffel bag
to unlimited breadstick night.

That's genius.

One cone.

- One non-cherry topping.
- What?

Deal...

Least Ho.

More like Most Ho.
Vic, our cone?

- (laughs)
- Oh, drats.

(Gregg laughs)

- (Vic grunts)
- You got a lot to learn, kid.

VIC (laughs):
Traffic cone.

Did you wash that cone?

We didn't think of it.

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