Original subtitles

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-Hit it!

-Cute and cuddly, boys.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-Lay some sweet morning surveillance on me, boys.

-Get along, little doggy.

Yee-haw!

-I don't know what's going on at the lemur habitat.

But I do know we want no part of it.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-Oh!

Two-second rule.

Still good.

-Marlene, A-OK.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-Something strange at the chimp habitat, Skipper.

SKIPPER: Hmm.

Looks like they're-- needle!

Code red!

He's got a need-- ugh.

Is the start of a needle free for all?

First the chimps, then who?

Roger?

Marlene?

Mark these words!

It ain't gonna be me!

Mark 'em!

Not me!

-You needn't worry, Skipper.

Judging by this National Space Programme insignia,

and this attached picture of Phil,

I deduce he has been drafted for space

exploration, specifically lunar.

-Whoa.

Whoa!

Whoa!

Whoa.

The rocket nerds picked a poo-flinger?

Why not a penguin?

Men, for too long chimps have been

the go-to species for space exploration.

No more!

This time a penguin is going to the moon!

-Yes!

-I'll disguise myself as Phil, take his place, and then, once

on the moon, reveal my penguin identity.

Boom!

Bam!

Little human minds blown everywhere!

-Brilliant, Skipper!

-Instantaneous respect for our dignified and proud species.

-Yeah. [BELCH]

-Just one small flaw, a tiny, teeny error.

[CLEARS THROAT] I should be the one to go.

-You?

-Why you?

-Because traversing the inky black void of space

is complicated business, requiring

a disciplined, scientific intellect.

-They were gonna send a chimp, a chimp who eats his toenails!

The only skill involved will be smiling and waving

for the cameras of the world.

-Right.

Which is why I should go.

I am the most photogenic.

Sorry.

-I wanna go!

-You, Rico?

Well, I hardly think--

-Fine!

We're going to compete for the glory.

Now, does that appeal to your child-like sense

of fairness, Private?

-Space is way, way, way treacherous.

Exiting the Earth's atmosphere will subject

the astronaut to intense G-forces.

-Hit it, Roy!

-Consider it hit.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-[CRYING]

-[SCREAMING]

-Losing conscious-- oh!

Stupid G-forces.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-Weightlessness could induce space queasiness!

Which is a lot like regular queasiness, but in space!

[STOMACH GROWLING]

-Oh, no.

Oh!

Oh.

-Good golly, man!

You're vomiting everything but the kitchen sink.

[SCREAMING]

[CRASH]

-Stupid-- oh.

-Factoid.

There is no oxygen on the moon.

Holding one's breath could mean the difference

between life or death.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-[GASPING] Oh!

-Oh, now you're just showing off.

Stupid lungs!

--[LAUGHING] I'm going to the moon!

Yay!

-I say, chaps.

What ever are the gas masks for?

-Silly question.

The knock-out gas.

-Oh, well that makes--

[EXPLOSION]

-This is it, Private.

You're off.

-Oook.

Oook.

I fancy a bananer.

Oook.

Ook.

Ook.

-Mmm.

Looked better in the picture.

CHUCK CHARLES: And so the mission begins.

One brave little monkey is on that rocket,

destination, the moon.

Correction.

Brave little penguin.

-Destination, the history books.

Hoo-ha!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-Private, report.

PRIVATE: I'm approaching the moon.

It's-- it's magnificent!

CHUCK CHARLES: Chuck Charles, coming

to you live from mission control.

We are moments away from monkey touchdown.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

MISSION CONTROL: Initiating subset thrusters.

Contact on lunar surface, three, two, one.

Oh yeah.

We nailed it.

-High five!

CHUCK CHARLES: The chimp has landed.

PRIVATE: Oook.

Ook.

Look at me.

I'm on the moon.

Where are the bananers?

I win!

You guys, the moon is fantastic!

I could eat peanut butter winkies and iced lollies

all day and I'd still float like a feather!

-Focus on the mission, Private!

Time to knock those pencil-necks on their corduroy keesters!

Unmask, Private.

Unmask!

PRIVATE: Roger, Skipper.

Unmasking now.

-Tell us, hardworking scientist, what happens now?

PRIVATE: Wait.

Zipper seems to be stuck!

-Well, Chuck.

We'll check on the chimp in another 25 years or so.

But right now, we bring the rocket home.

-Hey!

-That's right, world!

I am no chimp!

I'm a penguin!

[ROCKET ENGINES]

-And now we are a go for lunch!

-Yeah.

-All right.

Lunch.

-Uh, check my science, Kowalski.

Private needs that rocket to come home, right?

-Uh-huh.

PRIVATE: Ha-ha!

A penguin, that's right.

Oh, I wish I could see the look on your silly human faces.

This is the greatest moment in my life,

the greatest moment in any penguin's life!

[LAUGHING]

-Uh, Private?

Great work.

Really great stuff.

But, uh, we've got a slight, uh, snafu here on the ground.

PRIVATE: Um, OK.

-But still, good job.

Really, really good job.

Ooh, another call.

Gotta go.

25 years!

Private's stuck up there for--

OLD PRIVATE: 25 years.

Golly, how I've missed the Earth.

I can't wait to catch up on the Lunacorns.

There must be hundreds of episodes waiting!

Oh, boy.

-Private.

The Lunacorns were cancelled.

-Cancelled?

-Like two days after you left.

-No!

-I won't allow it.

I can't allow it.

I will not let him grow a beard!

This, boys, has just turned into a rescue mission.

KOWALSKI: But Skipper, each of us failed space training.

We can't-- not try.

Not try was totally how I was going to end that sentence.

-That's right.

Private!

Sit tight, buddy.

We're coming for ya!

-Um, Skipper, the rocket ship seems to be going somewhere.

Is that a problem?

SKIPPER: No!

No.

Um, no.

Why should you be worried?

Kowalski, odds of Private surviving this?

KOWALSKI: One in 12.

And Skipper, your flipper is still on the button.

SKIPPER: [GRUMBLING]

-Let's see.

Rooftops.

Upper atmosphere.

Moon!

[BEEPING]

Here come the G-forces.

Keep it together, Kowalski!

Don't faint!

Awake!

Stay awake.

Awa--

Thanks, Skipper.

I needed that.

I didn't faint.

I did it!

I am spa-- Oh.

-Sorry.

Kind of looked like you were about to faint again.

-No it didn't!

-Kinda did.

To the moon!

-Totally didn't.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Oxygen is flowing.

-Hey, Rico.

How's the astro affecting the gastro, buddy?

-[MOANING]

-That's it.

Pay no mind to be unbearable, unrelenting nausea,

that feeling you've crammed 30 pounds of spew

into a three-pound bag.

-Now it's just a little hunch, Kowalski.

But maybe you should shut your fish-hole!

Please!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-Some fun!

Rude!

Skipper!

-Suit up, soldier!

Your ride is here!

-Yay!

How was the trip?

SKIPPER: Oh, it was fine.

Made good time.

Kowalski managed not to faint.

And Rico only horked once.

PRIVATE: Um, Skipper?

Rico didn't happen to hork up a chainsaw, did he?

-Yeah.

Pretty gross.

-Oh!

-Tell me about it.

-Gah!

-Yeah. Yeah.

I get it.

I was there, remember?

Ah!

Your oxygen!

-Gah.

-No air!

But you can hold your breath, right?

You nailed that competition, remember?

You can hold your breath all day long.

-Gah!

-And me, not so much.

But on the other hand, you didn't expect this,

and, uh-- well, isn't this a moment drenched in irony.

[GASP]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-[GASPING] Oh, Skipper.

You saved me!

I just want to take this opportunity to say-- uh, sorry.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-[GASP] Mission accomplished!

Kowalski, take us home.

-Course already plotted.

And away we go!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-I don't remember home being so red.

-Yeah.

-Kowalski?

-OK.

So I may have plotted that course wrong.

But hey, positive note.

We beat the chimps and humans to Mars!

Up high!

Yeah?

[SCREAMS]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

TV ANNOUNCER: It's a battle in the bayou as the New York

Behemoths collide with the Miami Mayhem.

-Ready to get your game on, Skipper?

-Oh, yeah.

Got my pregame hike, my super-fan gear, my tasty array

of greasy, artery-clogging snacks.

Rico!

-What?

I'm hungry.

-Oh, great.

Now we got to execute another snack mission.

Come on, boys.

-Well, actually Skipper, Private and I

are going to pass on the game.

-Pass?

What?

I mean, well, Private I get.

He thinks soccer is football.

-Makes more sense than throwing a misshapen

ball with your flippers.

-So what's your excuse, Kowalski?

-Fall is the perfect time to observe the annual end

of photosynthetic glucose production.

-Plus, the leaves are so pretty!

-Yes.

Pretty leaves.

Anyway, since the forecast calls for a change in weather,

this might be our last chance.

-All right, boys.

Report back on those leaves.

You know I don't trust anything that turns red.

Well, compadre, looks like it's just me and you.

-Ah, pregame.

-Hey, I can't carry all those family

fun pack sized snacks myself.

Take at least two of us.

MARLENE: Got two hands right here,

my friends, with digits even.

Plus, I don't got all snarl, growl crazy outside the zoo

anymore.

-I don't know, Marlene.

You on snack retrieval?

I'm not sure you're mission-ready.

-Come on.

If we hurry we can get back before kickoff.

PRIVATE: Oh, look at that.

It's like a ruddy scarlet.

-Hey, guys.

What you doing?

-Hi, Fred.

We're watching the leaves change.

-Oh.

Uh, change into what, though?

-I will not engage.

I will not engage.

I will not engage.

[WIND BLOWING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

SKIPPER: Coast is clear.

Welcome to nosh heaven, Marlene.

If it comes in a wrapper, carton, or screw-top

they have it here.

-Ooh.

Slushiccinos.

OK. Let's see.

Lemon.

Mmm.

Cherry.

Pineapple.

And whatever this blue colour is supposed to be.

I don't--

-Try them all!

Live dangerously.

Hmm.

Let's start with the sticky food group.

TV WEATHERMAN: It's freakish and it's

here, the storm of the century.

If you're outside, get inside.

And if you're inside, stay there,

because this is Snowmageddon.

-Oh, that guy's always wrong.

Hey, Marlene!

What channel is the game on?

[DOOR OPENING]

-Uh-oh.

[FOOTSTEPS]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-X!

Why did it have to be X?

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-Um, Fred, do you mind?

-Mind what?

-It's starting to snow.

-No, I don't mind that it's starting to snow.

-Oh, precipitous precipitation!

Perhaps we should head back before-- oh!

Private!

Give me the camera.

Oh!

It's X.

-As in former animal control exterminator,

temporary zoo keeper, fish monger officer X?

-That's him.

-He's in there with Skipper?

We've got to-- oh!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-[SNIFFING] Otter and penguin!

-Run, Marlene!

Run!

Oh, look.

Snowmaggedon.

X: Gotcha!

-Oh.

Argh.

My head hurts in five-- oh, six different-- oh!

Seven.

No time for that now.

Skipper needs us!

Ow.

-Oh, dear.

This seems to be some very hard-packed snow.

KOWALSKI: Yes.

Very.

-It'll take a while to dig out.

But on a brighter note, Rico's bound

to have noticed the weather.

He's probably already on his way to rescue us!

TV ANNOUNCER: Douglas drops back in the pocket,

fires, and touchdown Behemoths!

-Woo!

Yeah!

All right!

Hey!

Yeah!

-We are not getting out of here anytime soon, are we?

-No.

But listen, Private.

There's something I'm even more concerned about.

We need to keep a close eye on Fred.

-Oh!

Really?

Why?

-Limited space combined with limited intellect

makes Fred a prime candidate for the winter

madness known as cabin fever.

FRED: Wait, wait.

We're in a tree.

What do you mean, cabin?

-Gosh, I'd think if anyone would get

cabin fever it'd be a smarty pants.

You know, someone who actually understands our dire straits.

-Huh.

Never thought of it that way before.

--[SNIFFING] This hiding space is not so sweet.

-Sweet?

Really?

That's the joke-- I mean, aah!

X: This spot is fizzed out.

-Better, but-- aaah!

X: And that one was just garbage.

-It's too much.

Too much.

-Now, where is your penguin pal?

-Hey, Mr. X. I'm not a fan of you!

--[GRUMBLING] I know you're here somewhere, penguin.

And I will catch you, no matter where you hide.

[LAUGHTER] Oh, yeah.

I will.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-Acorn?

-What?

Oh, no thank you, Fred.

I'm not hungry.

-What?

No, I was just asking if you think this is in an acorn.

You know, it kind of looks like a pecan to me.

But you're probably right.

It's probably an acorn.

Yeah.

It's definitely an acorn.

-Do you have to talk so much?

Don't you understand?

Each inane word, each banal syllable consumes

more and more of our precious oxygen!

[GASPING]

-Kowalski?

-Cabin fever!

But, but, but I can fight it with my intellect!

Yes!

All I need do is devise a mental puzzle to keep me-- ow!

Sharp.

But what puzzle?

Godel's paradox?

No, no.

Too easy.

-How would a pair of ducks help?

-Paradox!

-I'm sure it makes sense to Kowalski.

-Boo.

-(SHIVERING) Skipper?

Do you have a plan here?

-Do I?

We hang tight until this cow juice expires.

Then we use the putrid scent of curdled milk

to stun and overcome X.

-Um, I'm not sure about that.

-No, you're right.

We'd totally miss the game.

OK.

Now try this on.

That window.

It's a little high and getting there would be a little-

-Good.

Let's go.

I'm freezing.

Skipper!

It totally worked!

We can-- oh!

-A bird in the hand is infinitely

better than an otter in a rush.

But why not have both?

Aargh!

-I believe the sign says all employees must wash-- oh!

-Otter's gone.

But it don't matter.

You penguin are the triple-power lotto grand jackpot prize.

The otter was just a $2 scratcher.

-I'm not even sure I get that analogy.

But gosh, I think I should be insulted.

-[MUMBLING] Carry the eight.

Yes, yes, yes.

This is making sense!

Yes!

Yes.

I think I've got--

-Acorn?

I know what you're thinking.

It's gonna taste like corn.

But weird thing, it doesn't.

-You, you interrupted me for that?

I, I, I, I was this close to solving an ancient mystery that

has haunted science since the dawn of time!

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck

if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

I almost cracked it!

Almost!

But then you had to offer me an acorn!

-It tastes, uh, nutty.

You know what?

I think they should call it an a-nut.

-Ooh!

That's it!

No, no more fi-- no more fighting!

I've got--

[DING]

Cabin fever!

-What's with him?

-Well, he'd very much like to leave this tree, as would I.

-Oh.

So why don't you just go out through the basement?

-Fred, what makes you think a tree has a basement?

-'Cause it's my house.

-This is your house?

-You couldn't have mentioned that earlier?

[TOILET FLUSHING]

-Thanks, Fred.

-No problem.

Oh, and Kowalski, a woodchuck would chuck about three logs'

worth given a standard diameter of 14 inches

and a typical hardness of an oak.

You know, if they could chuck wood.

-Oh.

-We're coming, Skipper!

X: Animal control?

Let me speak to the top dog.

No, I don't want to talk to an actual dog.

I want to talk the boss lady.

Why, yes, it is indeed former animal

control officer X. Who is this?

Dave?

Well, I don't know why you need to know that, Dave.

All you need to know is I need to talk to Supervisor Eubanks.

Well, yes, it does have to do with a penguin.

What of it?

I-- hello?

Dave?

I never liked Dave.

But that's OK.

I'd trudge through 100 blizzards to deliver you to justice.

MARLENE: If you're going to do that, be sure to hydrate.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-Whoa-ha-ha!

-Really?

You couldn't have done that sooner?

-I really hate the taste of licorice.

-So what do you think?

Pretty good, huh?

-Remember to hydrate?

Little weak.

But the action, that was pure penguin gold, Marlene.

-Well, uh, thank you.

Actually, I was kind--

-Thought no one was minding the store, hmm?

Wrong.

X is always on the job.

[LAUGHTER] Oh!

-Hey!

Hoo!

Skipper, we're here!

-And ready for act-- OK.

Never mind.

-Skipper.

We were so worried about you!

-Ah, you nervous Nellies.

X was nothing Marlene and I couldn't handle.

-We bad!

-Now let's get back home so I can

at least see the end of the game.

TV ANNOUNCER: A real nail-biter!

Never have I see a more exciting finish!

-Woo!

Wow.

TV ANNOUNCER: But in the end, the Behemoths take it, 27-26.

-Hey, where you been?

[MUSIC PLAYING]