Original subtitles

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-Hit it!

[DANCE MUSIC]

[CAMERA CLICK]

-Cute and cuddly boy!

[INTRO MUSIC]

-Skipper's log.

The sceptics were wrong.

You can build a thermonuclear sardine can.

You just can't control it.

-78 seconds to spontaneous detonation, Skipper.

[STAMMERING]

[WHEELS SCREECHING]

[EXCLAIMS]

-Oh!

Don't touch me.

[GASPING]

-Oh!

There's a new "Princess Miss Perky" [INAUDIBLE].

Fancy!

-86 to dolly dress-up daydreams.

Their can's about to fire up like Zeus' barbecue.

Now punch it!

-OK!

-Where is he taking us?

-[INAUDIBLE]

-I would say the nearest toy store stocked

with Princess Miss Perky merchandise.

I would also say--

[YELLING]

-We're locked like a guy in a fiery sardine explosion.

-Commandeer that steering wheel.

-You're a dolly craved maniac!

If this kit goes, we all go with it!

-I don't care.

-Please, Rico.

I know what it's like to want the latest

accessories for your plastic friend.

But if you look in your heart.

[BUSY SIGNAL]

OPERATOR: If you'd like to make a call,

please hang up and try again.

-(SINGING) Dolly!

Dolly!

-Ah!

-Ah--

-Soldier, I've always seen your devil-may-care psychosis

as a good thing.

[CHUCKLES]

-Yeah, it's pretty cool.

-But today, fueled by a deadly dose of doll desire,

you put the entire unit at risk!

-Um, question?

Why we still, you know, alive then?

-Well, that's Kowalski science for you.

The invention that's supposed to level a five-mile

radius is the only one that doesn't.

Rico, it is the judgement of this court martial

that you be placed on probation.

Marble jar probation.

-Uh, what?

-Every time you demonstrate good behaviour,

a marble goes in the jar.

[IMITATES DINGING SOUND]

-Every time you behave badly, a marble comes out.

[IMITATES HORN BLOWING]

-Fill the whole jar and you'll earn the ultimate rewards.

Skipper, tell him what he's won!

-The complete Princess Miss Perky accessory line.

Even this sparkly party pass.

-Oh!

-Wha?

Because Rico's been bad, he gets a reward

for just not being bad?

-That's America, baby.

[INAUDIBLE]

-Insubordination, eh?

Well, buh-bye marble.

[STAMMERING]

-I'll be good.

[EXCLAIMS]

-Sorry.

Oh!

Sorry.

[GROWLING]

-So then, Princess Self-respected

tells Prince Sharesalot,

-(IMITATING VOICE) No matter how small, always give your all.

-You know, things really are more true when they rhyme.

D'oh!

KOWALSKI: Halfway full already?

[IMITATING DINGING SOUND]

-Hey, that's some excellent marble progress, soldier.

-Thank ye.

-And such good manners.

-Ah, thank you.

-And you're very welcome for that.

And, th-- th-- thank you.

-Oh!

With a flourish!

D'oh!

-Stop milking it.

[SINGING]

-(SINGING) So many shiny new things you should buy.

Your regular Miss Perky looks like garbage now.

[GARGLING]

-Dolly tantrum incoming!

-Hello, neighbours.

I was just dropping by to borrow a cup of money to go-- ah!

SKIPPER: Skip the commercial, Private!

Don't let him see anymore.

-Hold on!

Wait a minute.

That dolly lady.

It's really-- a princess?

-Ring tail, get out of here.

-[INAUDIBLE]!

No luck on the cup of money?

-King Julien is always lucky.

Maybe this is invisible money.

Hooray!

I'm sneaky rich.

-Something is fishy down there.

-Is it a fish?

-Yes, but something is oh, so strange down there.

We must learn more of this Perky princesses lady.

-Man, your gratuity is accepted.

-No, no.

It is a bribe.

I thought we were clear on this point.

-Ah, yes.

Proceed with the internet search, Phil.

Keywords princess, miss, and perky.

VOICEOVER (ON SCREEN): Not long ago in the fabulous land

of Glamortonia, Princess Miss Perky

stepped out of Glitter Pink Castle.

-Why would she ever leave Glamortonia?

It looks so pink and pretty and plastic!

-No, Mort.

This princess did not leave Glamortonia.

She was taken by-- drama music ready-- the penguins!

[IMITATES DRAMATIC MUSIC]

-Why, penguins!

-Clearly they abducted her to get their own ransom.

-You stopped making sense about a hour back, man.

-Oh!

Or does it make so much sense, it hurts your face!

If we rescue this perky princess and return her to Glamortonia,

I will be rewarded her hand in marriage and half the kingdom.

You know, as they do.

-Oh, if you are a double king, will you grow double the feat?

Ah, I'm just asking.

For reasons.

-Boris, fetch my noble questing pants with the stripe.

-Outstanding post rage cleanup, compadre.

Sure you can't take a break for our Tuesday night card game?

-Nah.

[MUMBLING]

-You guys go anyway.

-That one for sticktuitiveness.

All right, Marlene.

You're in.

-Ho, yeah!

-Hmm--

[SCREAMING]

-Back, scoundrel!

We come to rescue yon princess lady.

You know, the one of yon?

[EXCLAIMS]

-Hey!

You can't have her!

-Stomp the wombat.

Bangladeshi rules.

Ninth degree punishments.

-That's hilarious.

I understood zero parts of that.

-Man, I hope you have a high pain tolerance.

-Um, I guess it's about average for, you know,

a dainty gal like-- what?

[RICO YELLING]

-Now keep it down out there, soldier.

Don't make me take away a marble for card game interference.

-Whoa!

Fire melting dragon!

-That better not be flame throwing I hear.

Marbles, Rico?

-Oh!

-[INAUDIBLE].

-Pineapple chain!

-I got it, your majesty!

-Then flee like the mighty cowards we are!

[YELLING]

-Aw!

Rico!

What is going on out-- He's gone marble rogue!

Pursue and restrain.

[MUMBLING]

-There!

The Glitter Pink Castle.

We are almost-- huh?

Oh.

Uh, Carlotta?

Heh, hello.

Uh, this is not at all awkward.

Uh, you know what?

I kinda got some business.

I'm-- I'm going to call you later.

OK?

K.

(WHISPERING) I'm never going to call her later.

[YELLING]

-They found the castle, my loyal replaceables.

I must negotiate with the local constabulary.

OK, her hand in marriage and half the kingdom.

This is my final offer.

I see you are also a shrewd bargainer.

-So what's the castle defence system?

We got any boiling oil or something to pour on him?

-Oy, I found some glitter.

Happy birthday, invader.

KING JULIEN: No, no.

I've got it.

Times is hard.

Tell you what.

Keep her hand, and I will take 50-mill-leven percent

of the kingdom.

Huh?

You got to [INAUDIBLE], man!

[MUMBLING]

[SHRIEKING]

-[INAUDIBLE]!

-Now that's just disturbing.

-You're next!

-Here you go.

See?

That's how you negotiate.

-Oh.

Uh--

-It's all right, amigo.

We saw the whole thing.

Your use of violence was entirely justified.

And delightfully entertaining.

Sorry, old friend.

But rules are still rules.

No reward until that jar is full of marbles.

Everyone good with a technicality?

-OK.

-Sure.

-Woo-hoo!

-OK.

We got the hand and half a kingdom.

That's some good questin', everybody.

Self-inflicted back pats.

[INTRO MUSIC]

-This is Chuck Charles with a special report.

Atlantic anchovies are swarming the coast.

Find out where next.

[EXCLAIMS]

-But first, breaking news.

-No, no!

Go back to the anchovies.

-I'm being told local legend Chuck Charles has been let go

and replaced with rival anchor, Pete Peters.

I-- let go?

Doesn't that mean--

-Pete Peters here.

Tonight's top story-- heave ho for a has been.

-They fired Chuck Charles?

-Well, as long as Scooter Alvarez is still

in the driver's seat on sports, I'm good.

-But Skipper, Chuck has always been there for us.

Giving us the big news we can use.

We've gotta--

-Do nothing.

If you're thinking of dragging us into a pity mission,

denied, mister.

Besides, he'll land another gig in no time.

-The elephant got into some dairy.

You know what to do.

-This is Chuck Charles live from the scene of misery and sorrow

that is now my life.

-See?

He's Alice's assistant.

Boom!

New job.

-Here comes the [INAUDIBLE].

-Yeah, a really ugly new job.

-When we say more bananas, we mean more bananas!

-This is Chuck Charles swinging out of control.

This is Chuck Charles and I'm trying

to get a chameleon off of my face.

Chuck Charles being dragged away.

The anthropoid lemur is a dramatic and regal creature

as seen here in his noble tragedy pose.

Handsome compere pose.

Wise thinker pose.

Surprise tickle on right buttock pose.

-[INAUDIBLE].

This guy knows all the kingly poses.

It's like a menouncer.

-If you'll notice, the small, round lemur

is clearly the brains of the group The other imbecilic lemur

appears helpless without him.

-Word.

-Small and--

[EXCLAIMS]

-He called me small and round, Mort.

Defend the royal booty image.

-Also--

-I'm a surprise moustache.

-Oh.

Are you certain we shouldn't help

Chuck get his old job back?

-Oh, he's fine.

Now get your cute on.

It's game time.

-Here we are live at the penguin habitat

where cute and cuddly antics abound.

Of course, this is likely just a cover

for their clandestine activities.

[MULTIPLE EXCLAIMS]

-We've been made!

Memory wipe.

-This is Chuck Charles, and I don't

remember why I'm standing here.

-We've got us a mole, boys.

I want you to tear this place apart

until we root out the rodent spy

-No, Skipper.

It appears Chuck's reporter's eyes sees everything.

In extreme detail.

And he can't help but blab about it to the world.

-But that means--

-As long as he's at the zoo, our covert operations

are at risk of being not so covert.

-Then we have one option.

Help the sack get his job back.

Frankly someone should have suggested it already.

[GROAN]

-What?

Something on my beak?

-Perhaps if we can create a juicy story for him

to discover, the news station will rehire him.

-Men.

Commence "Operation Zulu."

[IMITATING PLAYING TRUMPET]

-Zulu!

-Chuck Charles job retrieval step one.

Bait the hook.

-Sweet, sweet sound stick.

Have you missed papa?

Of course you have.

This is Chuck Charles with the day's late breaking update.

-Step two-- deploy buzzworthy story--

littering scandal in zoo!

SKIPPER: Target cited.

Launch trash frogs.

-Um, Kowalski, is it supposed to--

-Save yourselves!

[YELLING]

-Now, all I need is a story.

-Plan B. Cute animals wearing cute hats

while doing, of course, cute things.

-I'm a restricted driver.

Wee!

The car accidented on me.

-Hey, story?

Any story will do.

-If all else fails, we go big.

Breaking news story.

Rampaging rhino on the run!

-Hm?

[TRAIN WHISTLING SOUND]

-This is Chuck Charles with an exclusive story.

A tremor has broken out in the zoo.

Most likely from-- and I'm on the air.

-Well, I'm out of ideas.

-What's this?

Sloppy scrawls and scribbles.

They seem to delineate options, and they

smell of mackerel-loving salty sea fowl.

-Hurry up, boys.

I want all of our file secured to CD ASAP.

-But how does this help Chuck get his job back.

-Oh, it doesn't.

The man's a waste case.

Washout.

Until he's gone, we need to be extra careful

with our top secret.

-What?

[NERVOUS LAUGHTER]

-He'll be easier to guard in one location.

-CD complete, Skipper.

-Excellante, Kowalski.

Now all we have to do is blow up your hard drive.

-Yes, of course-- Huh?

What?

-There, there, Kowalski.

It'll be--

-Destroy [INAUDIBLE]!

-Get down.

Please.

-Come on, Kowalski.

Aren't you overreacting a bit?

-Yeah.

How do we know they didn't blow up on the roof?

I mean you invented them, right?

Secret commando penguins in the Central Park Zoo?

This is the scoop to get me back on the air.

I am the ninja.

-Now we're the news story!

We have to catch him.

[SMACK]

-Chuck Charles!

-He's no doubt headed for here.

A broadcast studio.

-He gets to those news cameras, it's game over.

Man, I need anti-breaking options.

Now!

I'm sorry about the computers.

I mean, your job, Kowalski.

--[NINJA SOUNDS] Breaking and entering

news live in the lobby.

Now, onward to--

-Thatta-Rico!

Show him the mayhem.

-Perilous booby-trapped blockade.

I've faced worse as a club correspondent

for Wakeup, Walla Walla.

To the news!

-Why I oughtta-- Oh, big bat.

-Newsman on the move.

Private, wake the guard.

-Are you sure about this, Skipper?

SKIPPER: Go do it now!

Don't Argue!

[SCREAMING, GROWLING]

-Not so fast, anchor jockey.

Get a whiff of this story.

[CHUCKLES] I really need a new label system.

-Call me Nun-Chuck Charles.

[SMACKING]

[STAMMERING]

-Victory!

With this footage, my career will

rise to even greater heights than before!

-Sweet.

-Oh, crud biscuits.

[STAMMERING]

-Power.

-Pete Peters, the most trusted anchor

in local news with an exclusive story you won't believe.

Everyone will be talking about this around the water cooler

tomorrow.

See for yourselves in three, two, one--

-Roll the video!

-No!

[REGURGITATING]

[FARTING]

-It's the penguins!

The penguins!

I told you fools they were real.

Mama, turn on the TV.

Your baby boy isn't crazy.

-Gentlemen, through all these trials

and tribulations, guts and glory.

It has been my honour to serve with some of you.

But, it's over.

We've been exposed.

-Those are the most fake penguin puppets I've ever seen.

-Oh, that's the most fake news story I've ever seen.

[CRYING]

-Why, Mama!

-This just in.

The world is laughing at a fake news

story aired by anchorman Pete Peters.

Sources say his career is--

-What a wackadoo story that was.

[LAUGHING]

-But don't worry.

Chuck Charles is back on the big news beat.

-No one believes we're real.

-It would appear they think the footage is

some sort of gimmicky news forgery.

-Well how about that?

This whole time the perfect cover story was no cover story.

-This next report is dedicated to

a special feathered foursome.

Atlantic anchovies.

Where they are and how you can locate them.

[MUSIC PLAYING]