Original subtitles

[THEME MUSIC]

-Hit it.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-Cute and cuddly, boys.

[THEME MUSIC]

-Kowalski, have you seen my calendar?

-(GULPING) Calendar?

-Yeah, I had it around here someplace.

But it seems like the darned thing just up and walked away.

Feels like we had some operations scheduled

for this week-- importante operations.

Either of you boys seen my calendar?

-Nope.

-Hm-m

-Hmm, strange.

-Yes, well, in the meantime we can just carry on as usual,

you know, some cute and cuddly antics for guests.

-Uh huh

-Roger that.

-Yeah, I suppose we could do that.

Or I could check my backup calendar.

Huh?

It's big.

Oh, that's right, it's team building

week-- right there in bold.

-Woo!

The week we weed out the weak.

-My least favourite time of year.

-Heavy ball hacky sack, go!

-Ow, ow.

-Ah!

Uh!

Ah!

-Hogging the ball, Private?

Now that's not being a team player.

Heave, team, heave.

[GRUNTING]

-Ahh!

-Oof.

-Oh no.

-Rico's a ball hog too.

[GRUNTING]

-Mama.

-That's it Big Grey, put your full weight into it.

-I'm giving you all the junk in my trunk.

-Skipper, forgive-- uh-- me, but I'm-- huh--

not seeing the point of-- ak-- this exercise.

-Oh, really?

What if the only way to save one of your penguin brothers

was to form a penguin chain, hmm?

-My penguin brothers aren't two-ton elephants.

-Hey!

Two and 3/4.

I've been cuttin' carbs.

[TRUMPETING]

-Oh, cheese and crackers!

I'm sorry-- sorry.

-You want to know why we do this, Kowalski?

No penguin gets left behind, that's why.

-What about Manfredi?

-OK, one penguin gets left behind.

-And Johnson?

-Maybe two penguins get left behind.

-Um--

-Uhh, comparatively few penguins get left behind, all right?

OK, let's take another shot at the penguin bridge.

This time, dig deep.

No more phoning it in.

[PANTING]

-Please, can't go on.

-I think we found our weak link.

-Skipper, Kowalski's right.

First it was pass the red hot burning briquettes.

-Puff, puff, puff.

Wah-wah-ooh-ooh.

-Then the sack of broken glass races.

-Eek, ah, oh, ow, ow.

-Then the razor wire rodeo.

-Come on.

-We need a rest.

-Yeah.

-A rest?

Are you saying seven straight days of intensive training

is too much?

Are you saying that you had too much teamwork, are you?

Well, say it.

Are you?

Are you?

-Um, yes.

-All right, Private, you've got it.

-I do?

-Or you got it, Rico.

Or you, Kowalski.

-Skipper.

-The first man who brings me a delicious salty kipper

gets a day pass.

-A kipper, Skipper?

-That's right.

One tiny smoked fish buys a whole 24 hours

of whatever your little heart's desire.

-Ah, science time.

-Well, what do you know?

E equals mc cubed.

Einstein, is there anything he got right.

-Telly time.

-Today it's just you and me and season three. (SINGING) Ahh oh.

-Oh, wait.

Huh?

Kapow!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

-Now, my recommendation is the fish

market down by terminal five.

-Got it.

-Sorry, Private my scientific research

is way-y-y more important than your crudely animated everybody

get along show.

-Oh, yes, that's just what the world needs, another invention

that explodes when you plug it in, right Rico?

-Rico-- oh.

-Look!

-Later, chumps.

-Wah!

-Well, looks like it's survival of the fittest.

And that is me-e-e-e.

-Says, you-u-u-u.

[LAUGHING]

-Ha!

So you thought you could pull a fast one on good ol' Kow-- Uh.

-Ta-ta, boys.

I mean, losers.

[TYRES SQUEALING]

-Private's getting away.

We've got to stop him before-- Cheap shot, Rico.

[REGURGITATING]

-[GRUNTING] uh, uh.

The subway.

[CLEARS THROAT]

-Creeper.

-Ew-ack.

Ew-ack.

Ahh.

-Aha!

Uh, uh, uh.

-OK, here's the plan.

You two continue pointlessly fighting

and I'll snag a kipper.

-Ow!

[REGURGITATING]

-Yeah, my great grandfather was a fishmonger

and my grandfather was a fishmonger and my dad well, ah,

h-h-he was a dentist.

But now, I'm a fishmonger too-- family honour restored.

So, what brings you to this thrilling line a work, pal?

-Penguins cost me my job, my dignity, and once my goatee.

-Your goatee?

-It grew back.

Still, if I ever catch up to those penguins,

there will be a reckoning, yes, there will.

[KNUCKLES CRACKING]

-Um, coffee break.

See ya.

-Penguin.

-Cod, cod, cod, grouper.

[SLURP] -Ug.

[SLURP]

-Nah no.

-Nothing but bass.

Where are all the kippers?

-Oh, did you look over there?

-Thanks, Kowalski.

I'll go--

-Like I'd tell you.

-Hi-yah.

Woo hoo.

Gi-gi-gi-gi-ga-ga.

-Ah.

Cod, cod, grouper, flounder, grouper, cod, cod.

Grouper, cod, cod, flounder, grouper, grouper,

cod. (FASTER AND FASTER) grouper, grouper, cod, cod.

[SNIFF]

-Penguin.

-Ahh.

Oy.

Uh.

-Kippers!

-I got it!

I got a kip-PER.

-Hello, penguin.

Long time no satisfying revenge.

-Oh, Officer X.

-Actually, I'm guessing it's now Fishmonger X.

[CRACK]

-Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.

-Ow.

-Sweet, sweet payback is finally mine.

[REGURGITATES]

-Where do you suppose he's taking us?

-Animal Control HQ, thus vindicating

all his wild penguin stories and earning back his badge.

-Oh, good for him, I guess?

Less good for us.

-Oy.

-I'd just like it to be noted that I had the kipper first.

Admittedly, it seems less important now than it once did.

[TYRES SCREECHING]

[LAUGHING]

You boys all right back there?

'Cause I'm feelin' X-cellent.

-And here come the parts.

-Hey.

-Excellent.

He could dig a little deeper than that.

Oh, all we had to do was get a kipper.

Fancy us laid low by such a simple task.

-Yes, usually we snag a whole crate of kippers no sweat.

How did we come to this?

-We stopped being a team.

-Ohh, lunicorns?

-Season two, but that doesn't make it any less wise and true.

-All right, even though I'm against gleening life lessons

from kiddie cartoons, team-- Rico, if you would.

-OK.

-Four blocks to payback.

[REGURGITATES]

-Huh huh!

Fight, men, like only a true team of penguins can.

[TYRES SQUEALING]

[CRASH]

-Gah.

-Yak.

-You penguins forgot, I multitask.

[TYRES SCREECHING]

-Ah!!

-Gotcha.

-Hang on, Kowalski.

Yee.

-Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi.

[TYRES SCREECHING]

-Give it up.

-Release me, Private.

Save yourselves.

-No, comparatively few penguins get left behind.

Rico, throw me a ball.

[REGURGITATES]

-Uh.

[CRASH]

-Officer, it wasn't me.

It was those penguins, look.

Those penguins.

Don't cha see um?

[BANG]

-H-h-hey, hey, you're the penguin guy.

Hey, Vinnie, come over here.

Get-get your camera.

I busted the penguin guy.

-I hate penguins still.

-Well, Skipper, we did it.

-We?

-That's right.

We learned the lesson you were trying

to teach us about teamwork.

And so we are going to present you with the kipper

we retrieved.

Rico?

[REGURGITATES]

-Ta-da!

-Uh, well, you boys had your fun but, I

wasn't trying to teach you anything.

I just wanted a kipper.

But since you men are so hepped up

on teamwork, how about you show me some--

in the form of the penguin chain.

Big Grey, you out there?

-Rested and ready.

-Uh.

[THEME MUSIC]

-Kowalski, confirm intent.

-I have decoded this cleverly hidden subliminal message,

and there's no doubt about it, Skipper.

It's opening day for the 17th film in the Commodore Danger

series, "Tonight it Thunders Lightning."

-We'll be there.

-Outstanding-- I've been itching for some

nautical secret spy action.

[WHIMPERING]

-Figure of speech, Private.

-I'm sorry, Skipper, my tail feathers are driving me mental.

-Slaps some ointment on that butt cheek, mister.

We've got T minus one hour til the morning matinee.

[WHIMPERING]

-Ah!

-Whoa!

-Oof!

-(OVER LOUDSPEAKER): Breach in Zone Five.

-Yeah, yeah, let me get the card.

-[INAUDIBLE].

-Kowalski, alarm analysis.

-Hmm, feeling mildly antsy, a little touchy maybe,

yet not quite full-blown panicky.

-Of the box.

-Oh, good golly, it's a T-560 Zoo Shield.

-Give it to me in pretty pictures.

-It's the latest in zoo security technologies, Skipper.

Imagine an invisible electric bubble surrounding

the zoo, triggered by animal DNA.

Humans pass through fine.

(SINGING) Well, I'm bustin' through and I'm feeling fine.

But any animal that tries to cross-- jiggy!

Jiggy-jiggy-jiggy!

Jig-igy.

-Yeah!

You had me till the giggies.

Anyway, alternate exits.

Go!

-(OVER LOUDSPEAKER): Breach in Zone One.

-Alternate exit.

All right, who's first?

Volunteers?

[SCRATCH]

-Good man.

-I wasn't--

[ZAP]

-(OVER LOUDSPEAKER): Breach in Zone 17.

-The system's legit.

So, how do we beat the giggies and hit the movies?

-Code-breaking skills, activate!

O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- 1.

Results-- negative.

All right, let's try O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O--

-For pity's sake, man!

We're going to miss our matinee.

Just look at what this is doing to the Private.

Look at him!

-Driving me mental.

-Sorry, Skipper, I'm afraid there's

only one way into T-560.

-Key card extraction.

-From right under Alice's nose, literally.

-Rico, give the lady a nighty night special.

-Hi-ya.

[SLAP]

[SLAP]

[SLAPPING]

-That dame's got the neck of a Greco-Roman wrestler,

and cankles to match.

[EXPLOSION]

-And years of toilet cleaning has

made her impervious to gas attacks.

-Then there's only one thing for it.

Private!

-What?

-We need your knockout hyper cute.

-It's Alice's only known weakness.

-Come on!

[INAUDIBLE] me.

-But, I swore I'd never use its awesome power again.

Gah!

Blast these feathers!

-It's movie day, Private.

-Now what would Commodore Danger do?

-He'd commit international war crimes,

softened by ingenious quips.

-Bingo!

Well, you make with the war crimes,

while Kowalski jots down some, uh, saucy puns.

-Ah-- something with pain?

Bones?

Oh, I can't do comedy under pressure.

-Hey, who let you out of your--

--Grr-ah-bwing-woosh.

-Whoa.

-Ahh!

-Of course, the itchy feathers.

He's-- he's moulting!

-Yeah.

-To the bunker and cover the Private's shame.

-Whatever.

-Don't look at me.

I'm hideous.

-Just an ordinary moulting cycle,

though the hyper cute attempt certainly

started it off with a bang.

Ha, ho, that one's going in a status post.

-Fix me!

Cure me!

Make me cute again. (DESPERATELY) It's

all I've got.

-It'll all grow back in time.

Get off--

-We don't have time.

And they started.

We've only got four show times left.

If we don't get Private's hyper cute back ASAP,

we may miss opening day altogether.

-No!

Big day!

-Worst case, I suppose the movie will still be playing tomorrow.

-Spoilers, Kowalski, they'll be everywhere by tomorrow,

ruining the unexpected plot twists

and surprising comic moments.

We go today.

-All right, ah, the damage isn't too bad.

Maybe a little black marker, some white correction fluid.

-Oh, OK.

[REGURGITATES]

[MUMBLING]

-Oh, I'm cured.

But are these products safe for use on bare skin?

-I'm a scientist, Private, not a label reader.

-Ack!

It burns like fireants!

Fireants!

On fire!

Ahh!

-Move and manoeuvre, echo delta.

Go!

Go!

Go!

-Um.

-What?

Did you miss a spot?

-No, we were (GAGGING) very thorough, gah.

[CRYING]

-Well, the 1:10 show is out.

And I wanted to see a thunder lightning.

-Am I once again adorable?

-Affirmative.

Can you work your hyper cute from inside there?

-Actually, I'm not sure I can even breathe in here.

Movie day, movie day, movie day.

-Kowalski,

[GASPING]

I really think I need an air hole.

-Wow!

You look spectacular today, Private.

Did you change groomers?

[HYPERVENTILATING]

-I need-- I need oxygen!

-Ah, yeah, here comes the peanuts.

[VOMITING]

-Oh.

-Sayonara 3:45 in 3D, the cast and crew Q&A.

-I'm sorry, Skipper, it's all my fault

-Oh, don't blame yourself, Private.

Blame that guy.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

What?

-You call those options?

-Well, I am trying, Skipper.

There is just no fixing a molting body.

-Aw!

-Ah, stop stealing my gumballs, Rodney.

-But perhaps I can replace a moulting body.

-So you want to use more for the dangerous experimentings.

And in return I get--

---to watch.

-At deese prices who could be affording not to?

-So, you've done this brain switch thing before?

-Uh huh.

-Any nasty side affects?

-Uh huh.

-With Private's know-how inside Mort's adorable body,

we should be able to pull the hyper cute,

knock out Alice, acquire her key card,

deactivate the security system and get

across town to our movie.

-Ah.

Nothing I love more than a clean, simple plan.

Execute!

-Wait.

That is what your booties look like without all

the feathery things gone?

[LAUGHTER]

So small and lumpy.

[LAUGHTER]

-Lumpy.

-Bum bums are funny.

-Seriously, are Mort and me the only one's seeing this?

-It's a tiny hiney!

[LAUGHTER]

[WHIR]

-Oh-tay.

[LAUGHTER]

-Whoa.

-Take cover.

[EXPLOSION]

-I expected weirder.

-Sorry, Skipper, but I am thoroughly out of ideas.

-So then I am thinking you maybe could work on this problem

-Oh ho, yes-- wait.

Well, how come my lips don't move when I talk?

Where did my brain go?

Oh, no!

-Well, I guess that's it then.

No Commodore Danger opening day.

-Stow that sadness, compadre.

I've still got one idea left.

-Really?

And you're bringing it up after we've

gone to the brain switching well?

-You know, you never really appreciate the booty's majesty

until you see it from da outside.

-Do not touch the colander.

-All right, sister, spare me the lectures

about how true beauty comes from within.

I just need your lady makeover magic to fix Private's ugly.

-So we can see a movie!

-I'm not even sure which part of that

I should be most offended at.

First of all, where is Private?

-Over here, in the shame sack.

-Seriously?

Oh, all right, come on.

Lose the sack, Private, we're all friends here.

-All right.

-You-- oh, wow.

OK, see this-- this is fine.

You don't need a makeover, Private.

-Oh yeah, he so does.

-Yep.

-Uh huh.

-You don't have to spare my feelings, Marlene.

I mean, beauty's only skin deep-- horrid, rashy skin deep.

-Wait!

Yeah, see, this hyper cute is still inside of you

some-- somewhere, you know, d-deep down.

All you need is someone to believe in you.

Argue with me.

-Desperate show times call for desperate measures.

(CATCALL): You-hoo, oh ew.

(CATCALL): Yo, that is fine.

(CATCALL): Oh, baby!

-Focus, Private.

Just think cute.

-Puppies and kittens and ducklings and ponies.

Ah!

-You again?

Ach, fine.

Let's get you to the vet.

-Oh, ga-ga.

-He's paralysed with crippling self-doubt.

-Oh, no.

-He can't do it.

-Oh, yes he can.

Now, Private!

Show me that hyper cute.

-Blah, blee, fwah.

-Blech.

-Well, that was nasty.

[SCREAMING]

-I-- I've failed.

-No, Private.

Look!

-Hey, you put down the vending machine.

-Alice is distracted by riot control.

-Whatever that was, Private, pour it on.

-Wait, shh, will you please, uh, focus, OK?

You gotta think cute.

-Sorry, Marlene, it's movie day.

Yah!

-If you're gonna panic, panic toward the exits.

--Blee-ach.

[SHRIEK]

-Blah-ahh.

[YELP]

-Sorry, plee-oo-ah!

[SCREAMING]

-Hey!

Come on.

You-- and you-- all of you.

What is wrong with you?

-Key card secure, you beautiful monster.

-Yes!

Look at me, world!

[SCREAM]

-Um, OK, stop looking now.

(ALARM): System deactivated.

-Did we make it?

-And with 10 minutes till the final sometime.

-(SINGING): Movie day.

-Way to turn your nauseating deformity into a plus, Private.

-What?

But he-- he terrorized half the zoo.

He made babies cry He made-- he made grownups cry.

I cried.

-Exactly.

The listen here is always be yourself.

-That is so true.

-Uh, I think that's my popcorn.