Original subtitles

[MUSIC PLAYING]

ANNOUNCER: And now, DreamWorks "The Penguins of Madagascar."

[RINGING]

[THEME SONG]

-Cute and cuddly, boys.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[GROANING]

-Good heavens, Alice!

What are you feeding those penguins?

-10 fish a day.

What?

They're fine.

[GROANING]

-Look at them, they're wasting away!

I want their feed up to 15 fish a day.

Each!

-Each?

That's not in the budget!

-Well I'm lunching with the mayor right

after this inspection.

I'll get that fish money if it's the last thing I do.

Those poor penguins deserve it.

-But-- Commissioner!

-Well played, men!

Especially you, Rico.

That death rattle really clenched it.

-Aw.

Shucks! -Commissioner!

-Save it, Alice.

I want those penguins cute and cuddly, not skinny and sickly.

[WIND WHISTLING]

Woo!

There's a bit of a bluster.

-Whoa.

-Whoa what?

-Oh, just-- it's important that we

don't lose our tops over this.

-Too late Alice!

This top is already lost.

-Yeah.

I see that.

What I'm saying is you don't want to sweep it under the rug.

-Sorry, Alice, the thought of those penguins suffering well--

it just makes my hair stand on end.

-Good luck with that.

-Uh, Maurice, I don't want to rush you in the pre-squishing

of my sticky fruit but, uh-- come on man!

I'm wasting away to nothingness over here!

-I'm squishing, I'm squishing!

[WIND WHISTLING]

-Hairy flying hair beast!

-Ah!

-Maurice!

Quickly!

Beat the creature senseless before it

causes me to heave my royal cookies!

-You want me to beat up a toupee?

-Wait, that's French for hairy creature?

Then yes, this toupee is to pay for giving

me the stomach queezies.

-Beat it!

Beat it!

Beat it!

-Uh, all right.

Oh no, no you don't!

-Yes!

Go, Maurice!

With your sizable booty!

Maurice, are you, uh-- how can I put this?

Ah!

The hair creature is eating Maurice's brain!

-I'll protect the royal feet.

-What?

Oh!

No, the toupee just landed on my head is all.

Look!

Huh.

The sticky fruit must have--

[GRUNTING]

Stuck it to my head!

-Mort, while Maurice's booty is XL,

his brain is a child's small.

-Really?

-Oh yes.

He believes clouds are made of, get this, water vapour.

-And not cotton candy?

-I know!

Ridiculous, right?

Right?

Right?

Anyway, his tiny brain won't satisfy

the hair beast's brain hunger for long.

-I'm telling you, it's not a beast!

-Oh yeah?

That's just what you want us to believe, hairy hair monster!

Help me to beat the monster viciously

before it turns on us!

-Oh, can we use stick?

-What you're talking about?

Of course we can use sticks!

-Hiyah!

-Let's hear it again, Rico.

RICO (SINGING): Fish!

-Ah.

Music to my ear holes.

-Skipper, does something look strange about the commissioner?

-You may be right, Private.

There is something different.

He's lost weight, looks good.

-Also, his overall appearance is 11% shinier than usual.

-Hey, [MUMBLING].

-Rico's right!

The commissioner is bald!

-Without his commanding head of hair,

he just doesn't seem as authoritative.

-His AWOL mop top could kibosh the whole fish deal!

We've got to recover the commissioner's wig ASAP.

Roll out.

-Wallop, Mort!

Wallop like you've never walloped before!

-Ow!

Hey!

Cut it out!

[SCREAMING]

-Brain or no brain, that had to hurt.

-Look!

-Leave me alone you crazies!

Now, Mort, we shall give this hairy hair

beast the pummeling of a life time!

-You do, and I'll beat you like a big bass drum!

Us baboons protect our own.

-Say what?

-Huh?

-Got that right, girlfriend!

-About time the zoo dropped a man in this habitat!

-Uh, you baboons are mistaken.

Maurice is a lemur.

-Well ain't you a hard case.

Of course he's a baboon!

-Look at his tail!

-His bright red butt cheeks!

-And this luxurious head of hair.

I just wanna run my fingers--

-I'm a baboon!

-Maurice!

Be stopping this tomfoolery and let us get back

to clobbing you without the mercies!

-Aw, are those two lemurs giving you trouble, baby face?

-Well, uh-- Now that you mention it.

-It's OK, sweety!

-Just leave them to us!

-Flee!

Flee!

Oh, mango.

[YELLING]

-Oi, mate!

-Empty your pocket, marsupial.

Cough up the commissioner's hair piece.

-Why would anybody where wear a wallaby like that on their bean

anyway?

He's not fooling no one.

-I didn't do nothing, I didn't see nothing,

and this speech has not been rehearsed.

-I didn't do nothing, I didn't see nothing,

and this speech has not been rehearsing.

-Now soon or later, one of you is gonna talk.

OK.

I didn't understand that.

But don't leave town!

-How's that feel, darling?

-I could use a little more thumb work on the heel.

-You got it, pudding pie.

-This is not good, Mort.

-Yes the brain eating hair monster

is still eating Maurice's brain.

-Oh, who cares about the brain eating hair monster?

Why are you still talking about the brain eating hair monster?

You're all like,"Blah, blah, blah.

The brain eating hair monster."

I'm done with the brain eating hair monster!

You see, the real problem is that Maurice

is getting foot pampering!

But I am not.

-Oh.

I see.

Hey, you want me to--

-No!

No, Mort.

Your king has a better, less skin crawling, plan.

-This is nice.

-Least you deserve after the way them ornery lemurs treated you.

-Yoohoo!

[INAUDIBLE]

Behold!

A truly awe inspiring booty, one that all of the booties

must exceedingly jealous of.

What in heaven's gravy is that?

-Looks like one of those stuck on stupid lemurs

is trying to pass himself off as a bamboo.

-I'm the hair!

-Stifle!

-Isn't there some kind of, I don't know,

punishment for that?

-Not yet.

But there's gonna be!

[YELLING]

-Now be thorough men.

Ask yourselves, if I were a man's hair accessory

where would I hide?

-What's happened to you two?

-It looks like you've been run over by a cargo train,

propped back up and run over by a second larger cargo train.

-That's sounds like a day at the beaches

after the baboon lady violence.

-I was a brain eating hair monster.

-Hair monster?

-Yeah.

Long story.

-Well let's hear it!

And give us all hairy details.

-Now just where do you think you're going?

-We're here for the hair, tuts.

Now, Maurice, you know you're not

authorised to wear the commissioners skull warmer.

-You want us to show them the exit, sweet cheeks?

It's almost time for your manny peddy!

-Uh, just give us a minute, will you?

Look, you take my hair I lose all of this!

The peeled fruit, the toe massages, the whole gig man!

-I hear your plight, my friend.

I sympathise.

I surely do.

But I want my 15 fish.

Rico!

Flip and rip!

Evac!

-Alice, great inspection!

Not a hair out of place!

Except, of course, for the penguin issues.

-Mr. Commissioner, before you go,

I need to tell you something.

-Well make it fast.

If lunch isn't on the table at 12 o'clock sharp,

the mayor flips his wig!

-Kowalski, how much time do we have?

-Factoring in all the various factors and variables,

I would guess 55 seconds, give or take five seconds.

And after that needlessly wordy guesstimate I say-- take!

-We'll never make it!

-Men, initiate operation throw rug!

-Well, you see.

How to say this without crushing your ego--

-Don't split hairs, Alice.

Just come out and say it!

-Drop this over the target!

-OK, but how am I supposed to get there?

This line's in an uphill climb!

[RETCHING]

Oh yeah.

Ah!

-Oh, heck!

I'm just-- I'm just gonna come right out and say it!

Mr. Commissioner, you have a yummy lunch!

-Why thank you, Alice.

Boy, she wigs out easily.

-Job well done, men.

On my signal, a well deserved collective sigh.

[SIGHING]

-Look on the brighter side, Maurice.

Now you can go back to serving me.

Ah, the violence prone baboon ladies!

-Oh, relax.

We decided that it's not important

how red your behind is, or how high your hair is.

It's what's on the inside that counts.

-Finally!

Now take note, I would prefer my toes

to be rubbed in sort of a circular rolling motion.

-Naw.

We don't want you.

We want him!

Come here you adorable thing!

-Whee!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-And another few feet.

And here!

We are now directly below the Danish embassy.

-Well tuddle up!

Swipe my files and set that dates back

a cool decade in counterintelligence.

Rico, do the honours!

[BEEPING AND WHIRRING]

[EXPLOSION]

-Skipper?

-I see it, Private.

-Kowalski, why is there no Danish embassy

in the Danish embassy?

-I don't want to lead to hasty conclusions

but it's possible I may have misread this map.

-Yeah.

May.

Alice incoming!

Bug out, boys!

-I think we should wait until all the facts are in!

-Why do these things keep happening?

Ah, well.

Better call Gus.

-And there.

Smooth as Siberian snow.

-Great work, Gus!

Oh, new water fountain?

You always go that extra mile.

-Alice, there is only one way to do a job.

BOTH: The right way.

-Yeah, you've mentioned that a time or two.

-Oh.

City water.

Refreshing!

[GRUNTING]

-An ostrich with it's head in the ground?

Cliche much?

SHELLY: Help!

-Whoa!

Whoa, wait!

For real?

I'll get help!

All right, stay here!

Not that you have a choice, you know, I mean-- you know what?

OK.

I'm-- good.

I'm going.

-An ostrich with it's head in the ground?

-Cliche much?

-I know, right?

-OK, Shelly, the penguins can fix this.

Do not panic.

-Hello!

Here, here, and here, here, here, and here.

-I take it back!

Panic!

SHELLY: Help!

Help!

-Skipper!

He's gonna blow her to bits!

-No, Marlene, but he will blow your mind.

-Rico's an artist with explosives.

-Rock and roll.

-No!

[BEEPING]

[EXPLOSION]

[COUGHING]

-See?

Free advice, fellow flightless bird.

Watch where you stick that noggin!

Slide out, boys!

-Wow!

That Douglas is quite a man!

-Douglas?

You mean Rico?

-Rico?

Ah.

Rico.

Rico!

Why did you think his name was Douglas?

-I didn't.

You're the--

-You're right, Marlene, there's no chance

a dashing, brave, and regurgitating penguin like Rico

would ever go for gawky, gangly girl like me!

-Say what?

-I said--

-No.

No, no.

OK.

I heard you, I just-- you like Rico?

I-- Oh yeah.

You know what?

I can kind of see it.

Listen, all you need to do is find an appropriate way

to tell Rico how you feel.

-Appropriate?

Oh, I can do that.

-Is that chewing gum?

Oh,

SHELLY (SINGING): Oh, I'm a freak-o for Rico!

I'll give him a kiss on the cheek-o!

Then I'll do this diddly-dance for a flightless bird romance.

Oh, I'm a freak-o for Rico.

Second verse!

I chewed some gum in my beak-o, to make a sculpture of Rico!

Gonna give him one a day until the month of May,

cause I'm a freak-o for Rico!

Uh, Rico?

Hello?

-Wow.

-Uh, well, this is--

-Awkward, Private.

It's awkward, there's no other word for it!

Awkward.

-Aw.

SKIPPER: Why did you do it, Marlene?

Why did you fill that daffy birds had

with the absurd notion that she and Rico could be an item?

-Now what makes you think it was me?

Plus, they would make a very cute couple.

Come on.

-No chance.

Rico's heart belongs to another.

Wait, the plastic doll?

Skipper that's crazy.

-Marlene, we're talking about Rico!

Crazy is just the top layer of that parfait.

-Doll?

[MUMBLING]

-It's true.

He loves a doll.

Which is totally insane because he should love me!

[SNORING]

[SCREAMING]

-She must be here, somewhere.

-Science tells us inanimate dolls don't just get up

and walk away.

-Unless they've been possessed by some sort of voodoo zombie

curse.

-What?

Stuff happens.

Big ugly world out there.

-Yeah.

Or maybe someone stole it.

-Until we find your dolly, you can cuddle with my Lunacorn.

[SQUEAKING]

-Look.

Rico and I are meant to be together.

You understand.

OK.

Yeah, you're right.

I don't have your blonde hair, short neck, and perky smile,

but you know what I do have?

Funny jokes!

Knock, knock.

You say, "Who's there?"

Any time.

Well fine.

Ms. High and Manufactured out of shiny plastic!

Goodbye!

I just can't do it!

It's just wrong.

Always recycle.

[MUMBLING]

Oh.

Hey, Rico.

What's up?

Lost your girl doll, now you're looking for her?

Here, let me help!

Nope!

Not in there!

So, she'll probably never, ever come back.

But hey, if you're in the market for a rebound relationship

I know a certain somebody who could help you out.

Hint!

It's me.

[MUMBLING]

Rico!

How amazing is it that I totally just ran into you

and it wasn't at all watching your every--

[MUMBLING]

[THUDDING]

-Hey.

-Wow.

I seem to have inadvertently trapped you

in a cage, for which I have no key.

Oh well.

Perfect opportunity to get to know each other.

So, I like petunias, soft rain, and cage animal fury.

What do you like, Rico?

[EXPLOSION]

SHELLY: Hey!

How's it going?

Sorry about that earlier attitude.

I apologise.

In fact, I'd like to be friends.

What do you think of that?

Great!

So Rico.

He's so focused.

Any tips, um, getting his attention?

What?

You think he's focused on you?

Ha!

Ha ha!

That is totally true.

-Guys, you've already searched here.

Six times.

[MUMBLING]

Rico, look, I know how much you care for your doll,

but she's well, I'm just gonna come out and say it.

She's a toy.

-Shh!

[MUMBLING]

-Shelly, on the other hand, is a real girl.

Rico, she can walk, she can talk,

and-- OK, granted, a few weird notions about courtship.

But let's be honest here.

Weird's your thing.

-Oh.

That's true.

-She really likes you, Rico.

Isn't a real girl better than plastic Ms. Perky?

-Rico, I took your doll and I threw in trash.

But then I moved her to the recycling

because I am going green but it didn't matter anyway

because you like her better than you like me and I see that now!

-OK, I retract everything I just said.

SKIPPER: Huh.

I would've bet Private's community college

fund on a voodoo zombie curse.

SHELLY: Yeah.

So.

In hindsight, I probably should've

taken the doll out of the dumpster before I came to you.

[SCREAMING]

-Look!

The truck!

[SCREAMING]

-It's no use.

I can't keep up.

I've gotta hit the gym more often.

-The land speed of an ostrich is 50 miles an hour.

On my back!

[JACKHAMMERING]

[HONKING]

-Oh!

[MUMBLING]

[YELLING]

[CAR ALARM GOING OFF]

[STRAINING]

-I can't watch.

-Me either!

-Aw, baby.

[SIGHING]

[MUMBLING]

SHELLY: Oh my gosh!

I can't believe how handsome you look.

[MUMBLING]

Really!

Just get more adorable with every glance!

-Um.

-Oh, hey, Rico.

Have you met my new boy toy?

His name is Crusher, which is appropriate because I am doing

more than a little crushing on him.

[SMOOCHING]

-Cuckoo, cuckoo.

Hey, you gonna eat that?

[THEME SONG]