Original subtitles

(BRAKES SQUEAL)

Okay, we got movement!

Look alive! Look alive, people!

Michael, we can still see your foot.

-(SWITCH CLICKS) -(CAMCORDER BEEPS, WHIRS)

(DUNCAN CHUCKLING)

(CHUCKLES)

-(SHUSHES) -(SHUSHES)

-(DUNCAN CHUCKLING) -(CAMCORDER WHIRRING)

(CHUCKLING CONTINUES)

(GUEST COUGHING)

(CAMCORDER WHIRRING)

-BROTHERS: Surprise! -GUESTS: Surprise!

-Goddammit! Jesus! -(GUESTS LAUGHING)

BROTHERS: Happy birthday, old man.

Gary! Frank! Phil!

Oh, and Bruski.

� (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

How long's it been?

(CHUCKLES) Not long enough, pledge!

Now drink this beer.

-(BROTHERS LAUGH) -� (MUSIC CONCLUDES)

You boys have been cracking up at everything I've been saying.

(CHUCKLES) It's just the way he says things.

I'm telling you, these boys are easily entertained.

-(LAUGHS) I like it. -(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

� (JOLLY TUNE PLAYS)

Come, brothers, let us raise a toast.

GUESTS: � To the house We love the most �

� We'll march together

-� Day and night -(CHUCKLES)

GUESTS: � With our brothers standing

-� Side by side -(PHONE CAMERAS CLICK)

(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY, SIGHS)

� (THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(WIND WHOOSHING)

� (THEME MUSIC CONCLUDES)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

-Pinwheel? -Pinwheel?

How we doing on the veggie platter?

I'm going to need a larger cutting board.

-I got you. -Move, pledge!

(BROTHERS LAUGH)

Yeah, we could have taken them all too.

(CHUCKLES) You keep telling yourself that, Bruski.

(FRIENDS LAUGH)

-Come on, Tom, back me up here. -(CHUCKLES) Oh, gosh.

Hey, talking old war stories, I see.

-Yep. -Hey, where's your beer?

(FRIENDS LAUGH)

Uh, t- trying to watch my figure.

-(LAUGHS) -(LAUGHS)

(LAUGHS) The apple couldn't have fallen

further from the tree, huh, Tom?

(FRIENDS LAUGHING)

So, Frank, how are the fish biting?

Yeah, we got your Christmas card!

What's this talk about you retiring?

-Hey, Tommy. -TRISTAN: California.

-You guys see what's happening in California right now? -(LAUGHS) Hulk mode.

-TRISTAN: Oh, and don't get me started on minimum wage. -(SLURPS)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Seriously, Chet, congratulations.

I'm sure Connie is thrilled

to have you helping around the house.

Now- Now, you two met in college, correct?

Yep. Homecoming parade. Your dad was there. (CHUCKLES)

Our fraternity threw a pretty wicked

homecoming party, didn't we, Tom?

-(LAUGHS) Hulk mode. -(FRIENDS LAUGHING)

You know what's wicked?

-These pinwheels. -Hulk mode.

I mean, what is in these, Tristan?

Uh, it- it's probably the tzatziki.

Yeah, typically when you think pinwheels-

And oh my goodness, there's a cake!

Can I cut anyone a slice?

(LAUGHS) What is this, confetti cake?

(LAUGHS) Tom's in Hulk mode again.

-(FRIENDS LAUGHING) -Hulk mode? What's that?

Your dad used to get so bombed at parties,

he would, uh...

-(LAUGHS) ...throw some things. -No way!

We're talking about our dad, correct?

-Okay, just making sure. -So what would he throw?

-We used to call it "Hulk mode." -Hulk mode.

CHET: I think the Hulk was a little before their time-

-No, we know the Hulk. -But what did he throw?

We're talking about Lou Ferrigno.

-Yeah, no, Lou Ferrigno. -So what would he throw?

He would throw me!

� (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

BRUSKI: (LAUGHS) And one time,

your daddy was so blackout drunk,

he threw me off the frat house roof.

-(FRIENDS LAUGH) -FRIEND: Yeah.

Oh, God. That's hilarious.

No, no. (LAUGHS) The "hawarious" part was

the unsuspecting foreign exchange student

walking down below.

-(FRIENDS LAUGHING) -(BRUSKI LAUGHING)

(LAUGHTER ECHOING)

STUDENT: Huh? No, no, no, no!

(BODY THUDDING)

(FRIENDS LAUGHING)

No. Seriously?

(SNICKERS) Broke my fall.

Whatever happened to that kid?

I think he had to go back to China or something.

BRUSKI: Never to be heard from again.

(CHUCKLES) Classic Hulk mode, eh, Tom?

� (MUSIC CONCLUDES)

I- It was the Wild West back then.

It was. (SIGHS) It was.

Mmm-mmm-mmm. Very, very delicious.

� (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Wow! I- I thought that was the oldest.

She's really sprouted.

Hey, boys, come- come settle a bet for us.

Now, who's- who's your daddy's favorite, huh?

My- My money's on Duncan, but Chet thinks it's-

-Ah, don't listen to him. -(LAUGHS)

Okay, I- I think we need to cut Bruski off.

-Bar's closed. -(BROTHERS LAUGH)

You wanna cut me off? Then help me finish.

I told you, I'm watching my figure.

Chug it, pledge.

� (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

You your daddy's boy or what?

(CHUCKLES) What are you even talking about, Bruski?

Well, then why don't you go ahead and prove it, pledge?

You a big ol' Hulk, or you a little baby Hulk?

-(GRUNTS) Excuse me! -There you go, that's it.

-(GRUNTS) -That's it.

I'm not my father.

-� (MUSIC CONCLUDES) -� (SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING)

Hey, your dad was a wild man

those first couple of years in college,

that's for sure.

But then he met your mother.

I mean, your dad did a complete 180.

He sobered up, started going to class,

and actually graduated with honors.

All thanks to your mom.

FRIENDS: � Oh, Lady, oh, Lady Of Lambda Phi �

� We raise our cup to you

� A guiding star A light so bright �

� Your love is a rose Upon thy breast �

� Petals so red A perfume so sweet �

� For she is a Lady Of Lambda Phi �

� Yo-ho, yo-ho, yo-ho, yo-ho!

(SWITCH CLICKING)

TRISTAN: Okay, you guys got your keys, wallets...

-You guys grab your party favor? -Chet?

I hope you're not the one driving!

TRISTAN: Ten and two, I'm serious now, Chet.

(SIGHS) All right, fellas. Is it about that time?

(SIGHS) Yeah, it's about that time.

TRISTAN: (SNIFFLES) Yeah, that should be warm enough.

BRUSKI: (SLURRED) � I pledge my heart To the house �

� The house of Lambda Phi �

TRISTAN: Yeah. Right behind you.

� The house of Lambda Phi Brothers together... �

� (SINGING INDISTINCTLY)

Hey, you wanna take off his shoes, there?

Quit feeling me up, perverts.

� I pledge my heart To the house �

� The house of Lambda Phi

BROTHERS: � The house of Lambda Phi

� Brothers together Arm in arm �

� A pint for one And a pint for all �

� Our heart beats As one hurrah �

� Our heart beats as one

Your daddy raised some sissy boys, you know that?

(PRESTON SIGHS)

It's funny. I used to think you were hilarious,

but deep down, you're just a sad little boy.

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

Yeah, let's just do a once-over with vinegar and bleach,

before Dad wakes up.

(SIZZLING)

Dad, w- what are you doing up so early?

Yeah, let me- let me get you some ibuprofen, Dad.

That won't be necessary. I didn't drink much.

-Coffee, then. -Maybe in a sec.

-Hazelnut or French vanilla? -Please, take a seat.

� (TRADITIONAL CHINESE MUSIC PLAYING) �

PRESTON: Chinese? What's the occasion?

TRISTAN: Dad, you didn't have to.

DAD: No, I did.

I want to show you boys something.

Thank you, that's good.

Any of you boys know what this is?

-Like a tassel? -An ornament.

DAD: It's a Chinese knot. It's a symbol of good luck

and prosperity in Chinese culture.

And this is a finger trap.

A reminder never to work against one another,

but together.

And this is a yuan. The official currency of China.

Uh, I was- I was gonna say,

that sure doesn't look like George Washington.

-(BROTHERS CHUCKLE) -That's beautiful. Very nice.

Why are you even showing us this, Dad?

That foreign exchange student I injured so many years ago,

well, his name is Liang,

and we've actually kept in close touch

since that incident.

This box is full of letters, postcards,

and gifts from Liang.

He actually runs a successful plastics company

in Honghu, China.

Well, I'll be...

I've tried to keep that chapter of my life hidden

from you boys,

but now that you're becoming young men yourselves,

I just hope you can learn from your old man's mistakes.

Aw. Very handsome.

Dad, mistakes are in our DNA.

It's what makes us human.

(CHUCKLES) For instance, remember that time

I busted your truck window playing ball?

-(LAUGHS) -Or that time in the food court

when I spilled hot chili all over your lap?

Oh, gosh.

Or even that time I ran my ten-speed

over Ms. Gracie's tiny little paws?

To Dad!

BROTHERS: To Dad! Yo-ho!

� (GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING)

Say, where's ol' Bruski, by the way?

"Dear Bruski, thank you for traveling so far

to make our dad's birthday truly a surprise.

We understand the glue that binds youthful friendship

in the beginning

-can sometimes..." -PRESTON: ...can sometimes

keep one stuck in the past.

I think it's safe to say

that you have a drinking problem.

We want to encourage you to consider seeking help.

Now is the time for you to fly on your own.

As brothers ourselves,

we know the importance of lifelong brotherhood.

Webster defines brotherhood as,

"the quality or state of being brothers."

It goes on to define brotherhood as,

"the relationship between brothers,

an association, society, or community of people."

PRESTON: There are many definitions to brotherhood,

but in this home, we simply define it as...

BROTHERS: Love.

-(SNIFFLES, SOBS) -PRESTON: Yo-ho, Bruski.

� (MUSIC CONCLUDES)

All right, places, everyone!

-This is not a drill! -(SHUSHES) He's coming! Hide!

-(CAMCORDER WHIRRING) -Hey, guys! I'm home!

Anybody home?

-(KEYPAD CLACKING) -(SMS NOTIFICATION WHOOSHES)

-DUNCAN: Hello? -(PHONE BUZZES)

Anybody? Tristan?

Where is everybody?

Am I- Am I the only one here?

Am I home alone?

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