Original subtitles

Shoot him!

Shoot! Shoot him.

It desexualizes you if you're one of those men who aim without shooting.

If you can't finish what you started, I'll have to do it.

You can't interrupt me in the midst of such a central...

Yes, I can, to see what kind of man you truly are.

Shoot.

There now...

There, there.

Let me have it. I'll take it from here.

Blood! Doctor's blood, doctor's blood...

- One last word. - No, not a single one.

The men at this institution tend to turn one word into a thousand.

Bye-bye.

Lars von Trier presents

The ground underneath the Kingdom is an old swamp.

The bleaching ponds used to be here.

Once, the bleachmen rinsed their linens in the shallow water -

to get them bleached.

The vapor enfolded the area in a permanent fog.

Later, the Kingdom was built here -

and the bleachmen were replaced with doctors and scientists -

and the country's sharpest minds and impeccable technology.

And to crown the achievement the place was named the Kingdom.

Life would be defined -

and ignorance and superstition would never again challenge science.

Perhaps the arrogance has become too great -

just as the consistent denial of the spiritual -

for it appears, the chill and the damp have returned.

Small marks of fatigue are emerging -

on the otherwise sturdy and modern buildings.

So far, none among the living knows -

but the gate to the Kingdom is opening up once again.

THE KINGDOM

Part 13 Exodus

- Call the police! - Internal crime requires internal fine?

What a load of nonsense! This is serious!

So it's no longer one of the Kingdom's main unwritten rules?

You're making me confused... and drenched!

I catch colds like crazy!

It's a prank.

A typical Swedish Christmas prank.

You disappoint me, Anna.

We all know how hard it is to get hold of a real weapon in this spineless country.

Then call an internal court-martial, for God's sake. Of course.

- Whatever got into me? - Bah!

I need to fall asleep in an awful hurry.

It's happening today.

Let's look in the box.

- I sense it's urging us. - You don't sense a thing.

And no, it's all advertising, and that can be lethal.

Filled with hidden messages to make us buy their products.

But if the Kingdom goes to hell, it doesn't really matter.

He who held the Kingdom in his heart shall baptize by water.

But the chosen one -

shall come and baptize by fire and Holy Spirit.

And no one is worthy to touch even a strap -

of the chosen one's sandal.

So we're to be baptized?

I'm not keen on that, seeing as I'm from the country.

Hurry!

We must get back to Big Brother.

- I'm from the country... - Enough with the pastorals!

Just try to be quiet so I can hear the pulse.

Don't you hear it?

The pulse...

The pulse is gone.

It's so quiet.

Ominously quiet.

if you're in the Kingdom's stocks, the blame is all on you.

39...

40.

41.

42.

43... 43!

Helmer is mad as hell.

- Look, it's Santa. - Yes, Santa!

- What's he doing here? - Bringing presents?

Out of my way, damn you, or follow the yellow line to the crematory!

Stop!

- Merry Christmas. - Great, we've got elves!

Okay, dear friends.

- My name is Bosse, and I'm Swedish. - Hello, Bosse.

Let's all chime in to celebrate Sweden and Christmas.

We'll sing "Shines Over Lakes and Shores."

- Careful! - Scared of getting wet?

It's not a squirt gun!

Bah!

He's dead.

Doctor's blood.

Big Brother... Judith?

Where are you?

Little Judith...

Big Brother?

You're too late, Karen.

Big Brother drowned in his own tears -

crying over his dead mother.

Now, the one carrying the key -

is the new Gatekeeper, who's to take over.

But where is the key?

Where do you think?

Merry Christmas, Karen.

Merry Christmas, Karen...

Bulder, I think I'm the Gatekeeper now!

I have a key and I think I know where to use it! Come along.

It's an old map of the bleaching pond.

Pardon me for interfering -

but let's not go through the smokers' belongings.

Just to evade the issue...

Judith is dead.

You two had a fling, didn't you?

- Is lovely Judith dead? - And buried at sea, you might say.

But let's not ride that subject to death.

We'll just take a picture. Hold it, Bulder.

Now what, Karen?

I have no connection to any spirits or gods or...

I have dreams, but the bits I remember make no sense.

I'm useless.

And yet...

I did see a statue of Ogier the Dane...

I saw...

Look.

There are these little ponds nearby.

They're called Ogier the Dane's Spectacles. That must mean something.

I need a medium, a spirit!

I'm afraid there's only one vendor of spirits.

Dr. Parok. He operates from the roof.

The devil's work.

Ugh!

Little Karen must hurry now.

But aren't we going to dance around the Christmas tree?

We'll dance when we have reason to.

And hopefully, we will quite soon.

My good man, who are you?

And what is that disgusting tool you're using?

I'm cleaning your drain.

It tends to get clogged over the course of 20 years.

The tool is a cleaning spring.

Just get rid of all the shit. That's my motto. Have a nice day.

We're not done yet.

There's more stinking shit to be eliminated.

Can I come in?

The body's gone, the place is cleaned up, Kalle's buried him on the Health Platform.

You ought to have a glass of milk with the cookie.

They go well together.

You always say your childhood memories include a comforting glass of milk.

Perhaps even served by Dad.

Dad?

If only you men could see things through.

We're going home to Borås.

Nobody bothered to watch the entire video -

to see me snatching the carton.

Thank you. My car keys?

Oh, I borrowed your car keys -

so I could move your car to a more decent space in the parking garage.

It's easy to get a Brisk ID.

No foodstuffs are allowed here. It might attract mice.

- You never know. - I'm quitting.

A lot of mice.

Yoo-hoo!

That sounded just like Rigmor... You know, Rigmor Mortensen.

It came from Maternity, but it sounded like Rigmor.

- Everybody called her Rigor Mortis. - Yoo-hoo...

Quite the original. For instance, Mona's operation.

It was your dad's responsibility, but Rigmor made a mess of it.

Yoo-hoo...

Yoo-hoo!

Right... Sorry, sorry.

Sorry, sorry.

I've caught a cold.

This year's Christmas speech!

One of the highlights of the year for me.

And for all of us, a tradition.

And this year I've amused myself -

by turning it into an N speech.

- A what speech? - An N speech.

A speech in which all the words start with the letter N.

Nife's noud.

Net nife be noud.

The nark nulls. Net the nark null.

Nive nife.

Nive nife nong.

Nibya, Natvia, Nithuania, Niberia.

Naugh at nife's nocomotive!

Naugh.

Nions nurking in the night net no nobsters neave.

Namb niver with neeks.

He's actually a professor of psychiatry. Fun guy, but such a miser.

If we have to bargain, let me do it. Seeing as I'm from the country.

Are you the spirit vendor?

I'm first and foremost a psychiatrist and a scientist.

- Catch a lot of spirits, do you? - Not at the moment. They're spooked.

I only catch Salomon because he's mad about the bait and keeps coming back.

It's as if we're in a movie that can only afford one spirit.

I bet it's him again. I just let him out.

Yup, Salomon again.

How can I be sure you're not screwing me over with an empty jar?

You can't.

Are you here to buy or not, hillbilly?

Minus the jar, we're looking at 27 grams of pure spirit.

- The average spirit weighs 21 grams. - So why 27?

He ate all my Aerogel, the bait.

Either you try to scrape together 27,000 kroner at this late hour -

or you can give me 100 and we're quits.

I'll opt for the latter, then.

See if he feels like talking.

- No, you do it. - He's mad at me.

We haven't talked in years. Maybe because he went to summer camp for poorly kids -

and is stubborn and mentally immature.

Hello, Mr. Salomon?

- Is he speaking? - Hush!

I got him for 100 kroner. It's Salomon again.

- It's empty. He screwed you over. - No, no!

"The guy who just shook me is crazy," says Salomon.

Ask Mr. Salomon what we're to do.

- He won't talk unless he gets a treat. - A treat?

- Ask him what kind of treat. - What kind of treat?

Aerogel.

Parok, old pal.

Long time, huh? Look...

We've got a slight problem. This spirit is a no-show on an empty stomach.

I anticipated that so I wrapped up a little treat.

- A present? - Well, it's yours for 25,000 kroner.

Oh, the old pusher trick. The first fix is free.

Take it all.

Did you get a good price?

This is it. Talk to us.

He'll still only talk to me. We don't know what to do, Mr. Salomon.

He says to hurry to the Amor Park where Ogier the Dane's Spectacles used to be.

They're the Kingdom's gate.

- Hurry. - Stop!

- We can't take the elevator. - Why the hell not?

Salomon doesn't like confined spaces.

- And yet he lives in a jar? - You'll have to take the stairs.

But we're on the 16th floor.

Cheer up.

Karen believes so she doubts not.

- In God? - Karen believes in God without a doubt.

But even doubt is better than nothing. Religion is belief -

which is great because belief is belief and not knowledge.

- Understand? - I believe I understand.

- Finally, we meet. - I don't recall we have an appointment.

I don't speak to patients. Out of principle.

And yet you're an important piece of the puzzle.

I'd lie if I said you resembled your father.

And I'd lie if I said you didn't resemble an old pickle.

You'll never get out of here alive now.

You're at our beck and call now. Follow my order.

- My order is: Kill Karen. - Which Karen?

My mirror image. I'm left-handed, she's right-handed.

I carry my bag over my left shoulder. She carries hers over her right.

I am Brisk, your little helper.

Tell me how to get to the goddamn parking garage. I'm on...

- I don't understand you. - What's that?

Do you want the cafeteria menu? Then I must ask if you have any allergies.

I don't want the cafeteria, dammit!

I am Brisk, your little helper. Tell me your query without swearing, please.

Hell no! If you're the only brisk little...

Listen, does my brisk little helper come in a Swedish version?

Press 5 for all languages.

If you want to speak Swedish, get a job at a Swedish hospital.

- Damn you, you Satan! - You said it.

I am Brisk, your little helper.

Satan rules!

Goodbye.

I...

belong to the evil side now, it seems.

I don't feel any different.

I forgot you're Swedish. All Swedes say that.

Perhaps because they're neither good nor evil.

I hope the curse is strong enough for a Swede.

What does Karen look like?

- Who are you? - I'm Karen.

- And who are you? - I am Karen.

Which of you has recently had DBS surgery?

I have.

I have.

- Hello? - Ask who their father is.

Who is your father?

A wise child knows its father.

I know mine. Diabolus.

A wise child knows its father.

I know mine. Diabolus.

You idiot.

I told you I was a mirror image.

I told you I was left-handed.

You shot us in the left shoulder -

and made her the stronger one -

because she can still use her strong hand.

We Swedes have always been a little left-right blind.

I don't regard it a major disadvantage.

Ladies...

All the best.

We will try anyway.

Warning!

Certain areas of the hospital will at 11 p.m. -

be struck by two minutes of weightlessness.

More Danish humor?

I told you. She's stronger than me now.

Come home.

- Did you hurt yourself? - No. I suddenly felt better.

If we're still here? Yes, sorry.

We're to dig two holes in the Amor Park -

where Ogier the Dane's Spectacles were.

One for the light spirits and one for dark ones.

- But where do we dig? - It must be hereabouts.

But is "hereabouts" good enough?

Ask Mr. Salomon about the rest of the procedure.

Mr. Salomon? What do we do?

- He's silent. - Give him a treat!

I'm back.

He thinks he overate. He weighs 29 grams now.

- How does he know? - How do you know?

He weighed himself on his bathroom scales.

Bathroom scales? He has bathroom scales in the jar?

Hang on.

"Use the map on the phone."

Give me the phone.

Go now.

- Why won't it zoom? - I dropped it before.

- It's broken. - Hey! What are you up to?

- This thing won't zoom. - Want me to fix it?

- Can you? - Sure. Kalle gave me a crash course.

Let me see.

There.

What a nice surprise. It's been on the floor.

- See you. - It's working now.

Salomon says, "Pace out the area to find where the ponds were."

"The light spirits go in the west pond and the dark in the east pond."

7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12 -

13, 14 -

15, 16, 17.

- Here? - Put it in there.

- Stop! - Here.

The light spirits go into the hole at the west pond -

and the dark go into the hole at the east pond.

Separately. That's very important.

We must start digging. It's almost midnight.

Wait, he's saying something.

He says this way isn't wrong -

but something is in the way.

What the hell?

No, no, no!

Bulder...

I'm coming with you.

If you want to end your parking -

press all prime numbers from 0 to 1,000.

Thank you and have a nice day.

Now what? The replicants are in the way.

Salomon's going to try to talk to them.

I've been asked to give Karen a chance.

I owe Salomon a favor from that time at the camp for poorly kids.

Everyone's been at that camp.

So I'll quite extraordinarily give you a riddle:

If I say that there are six gates like the Kingdom -

so a total of seven gates all across the world -

what number is the Kingdom gate?

Anna Gram was my pseudonym when I wrote for the Messenger.

If G is read as the number 6...

So 3 in 6...

6 divided by 3, then the Kingdom gate is...

number 2.

Okay, Bulder, time to start digging.

Salomon says the holes are too fucking small.

We have to be done by midnight. Spirits are obsessed with midnight.

Tell the guy in the jar to give us the procedure.

Salomon, we really need the procedure now.

Call it the land of angels or heavenly soil

the soil we inherited and the green meadows.

Wild roses, bluebells lime blossoms and chamomile

let them all live for they are so lovely.

The water's gurgling merrily forth.

We must be three. The bell ringer's grave task is to stand in the middle -

while the words from Ogier the Dane's sword are spoken.

The other two lead the spirits.

The light spirits into the west pond with the sign of the cross.

The evil spirits into the east pond with the sign of the pitchfork.

See and heed. Exodus is a double-edged sword.

Let it begin.

Nothing's happening.

He says, "What's a bell ringer without a bell? How stupid can the living be?"

Salomon says:

"You can't be too careful with Exodus."

"Once it's begun -

it can't be stopped."

What are you looking at?

You.

I'd like to buy a kiss for 19,000 kroner.

As the outcome of the meeting between our lawyers was in my favor -

I have a little cash on me.

I can't afford any dealings with you.

Salomon says that the wrong procedure -

could launch the dark invasion.

Hurry! It'll soon be midnight.

Now!

See and heed. Exodus is a double-edged sword.

It's working.

See and heed. Exodus is a double-edged sword.

See and heed. Exodus is a double-edged sword.

It is horrifying.

It's Christmas, we're off work now.

Relax.

Everything's out of control.

It's burning hot.

Careful!

There's a coin.

- Let go of it! - Ouch!

That's how he recruits people. Grand Duc.

By branding them.

What are you doing?

How about the phone?

What are those signs?

Satan's signs or the codes of Hell?

It's just inverted.

Of course, the letters are inverted.

The entire map is inverted!

Well, merry Christmas.

Mogge, why do you carry a walking stick on a scooter?

And in your right hand?

Mogge, take the stick in your left hand.

I always hold it in my right...

You carry a stick so no one will see you've gone to the dark side.

You inverted the map when you fixed my phone -

so east became west and we mixed up the ponds.

You died in the car crash.

But a satanic servant approached you -

and you made a deal and sold your soul.

The spawn of Babylon.

They're everywhere in the foundation of the Kingdom and may self-ignite anytime.

I forgot all about them! We have to get out of here!

Now only the wind and the current...

know...

where you go.

Halfmer, if you think this is such an awful place, why don't we just pack...

up your things?

Well, time to go home.

- Why, it's Mona. - Take out the snow globe.

- Now break it. - I'd rather not.

I'm taking it home with me.

Go, Bulder!

Don't look back! Run!

From high up on the Christmas tree the light of Christmas shines.

Fiddler, play a jolly song...

You shouldn't have come in the car.

Yes, I should.

For I am Death.

Welcome, Master, to Babylon!